Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

My Baby Bellies (Kelly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

I can not believe that I have accidentally found this wonderful website – a breath of fresh air!! Thank you so much for dispelling the myth that we all go straight back to our post baby bodies, it is such a relief to see that others know this fact and accept it. Why should we go back to that body anyway, we are different, more important people; we are mothers!!

I had my first child when I was 23, and I did not have too much trouble losing the 23 kg I put on during that pregnancy. I was lucky, only a few stretch marks on my breasts. However with my second child, while I put on less weight, I had a bigger baby, I got heaps of stretch marks, and a lovely saggy tummy that just won’t budge.

I see pictures in magazines of celebrities who lose all their weight in like 4 weeks, and have wonderful flat stomachs – it just makes me feel horrid. I always though that women (and their partners) need to know the truth; if you can be prepared for the complete transformation that you go through, I’m certain that we would be able to accept and possible even love, our post-baby bodies.

First pregnancy, 40 weeks. 38 weeks pregnant with Luci, my second child, born via c-section then following morning weighing 8lb 7oz.

Kourtni

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

hi! my name is Kourtni. I am 18 years old, and currently 34 weeks pregnant. I am trying to prepare myself for what my body will look like after i give birth, but it is hard. I have been overweight most of my life, so I never really got to show off. And now i think I will never get the chance =(. I guess bikinis just aren’t for me. But I know I will work hard to get the body that I want ( or close to it) after my little girl is born. I love my baby belly and wouldn’t change it for the world!

There are Lips Where my Belly Button Should Be (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

As I come towards the end of my pregnancy it surprises me that life is so fragile. I have seen my body grow from fat to another human being. However what takes my breath away is the loss of my bellybutton. It has not gone to being flat or popped out instead it sits in a strange stage looking like a pair of lips. My husband looks and says to me “your belly button reminds me of lips like a puffer fish.” I can honestly say I am jealous of those who’s belly buttons look perfectly flush or popped out.

~Your Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2nd pregnacy, 0 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 35 weeks pregnant

Updated here.

C-Section Scar (serenebabe)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 18 Comments

(Originally posted 4.28.09 at her blog.)

I hate the doctor who did the c-section to get Althea out. My midwives suggested it’s possible I make scar tissue well and that an incision close to my first c-section wasn’t an option. Maybe that’s true. I still hate that doctor. First of all, she never even told me when the surgery was starting. Seems only courteous to say, “We’re starting the procedure” or some such indication.

Then, rationality aside, I blame her for the ridiculously high incision. Wide, too. Sure, it will heal thinner and less obvious. But, it will never get lower or less wide.

In honor of TMI Tuesday (a weekly holiday I celebrate with Stephanie H. on Facebook) I’m going to share photos of the fucked up scar and the older and less fucked up scar.

Here’s the first incision that I don’t mind, about 6 years old.

052709-serenebabe-1

Certainly TMI because if you look closely I think some pubes are showing (on this and maybe each of them, I think). Not ideal, but I doubt a little hair ever hurt anyone. The thing is, this incision is *right* at the line of my pubic hair. The photo makes it seem like there’s space but, really, it’s about on top of the hair line. Barely visible when I’m naked.

Now, here’s the second incision from almost three weeks ago.

052709-serenebabe-2

Sure, it’s healing well. And, it will look different in another few weeks. But, do you see how close it is to my belly button? WTF? I can’t imagine there’s any reason for that thing to be so high up.(not sure why it’s rotated funny)

This photo shows them both.

052709-serenebabe-3

And, of course, you can see the slowly receding stretch marks. The badges of motherhood. If the higher up marks are any indication, these lower ones will fade almost entirely away. If I was vain enough I would have waited until the skin wrinkles (from my pajama pants) had faded away. But, here I am, in all my glory.

It’s what a real woman looks like. A real woman who was cut by a fucking asshole surgeon.

New mom working on acceptance (AVS)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I am a 28 yold new mom to a smart and beautiful four month old girl. I guess I have always had body issues and struggle with eating disorders since I was eleven. I have also been diagnosed with manic depression and feel that it affects my life more than I would like to admit. I never wanted to be pregnant, and never ever wanted a child. It was an accident. Unlike other accidents that I sought to end with a visit to the doctors office, I decided to own up to my irresponsible behaviour and carry my baby to term. I made a few appointments at the abortion clinic. Thankfully, I never went. My greatest fear in having a child was not if I would be able to take care of her, or if I would be a good mom. I was afraid of my body changing and losing control of how I looked. I had always had the “perfect” body. I use to dance and made money with it. I knew how guys talked about women with stretchmarks or those with extra weight. So I always dieted myself down to 103 at 5’4. I would run, do drugs, anything to stay thin. I was always anxious and would stare in the mirror looking for imperfections. If I saw one, I would fix it.
I always wanted a baby, I loved children and made it my other career. I would dance to make money and then nanny to be around children. I wanted one to love and take care of , I just didn’t want the body . I hated being pregnant. I was always sick, my back always hurt, I had horrible sciatica and my legs were swollen and painful from four months onward. I tried to hide my belly with a girdle . I was embarrassed of my stomach. I wasn’t married and wasn’t sure if I was going to stay with the father or not. So, I felt like I had made a huge mistake throughout my pregnancy. As I got bigger, I got less attractive to the opposite sex, I felt uglier. I stopped getting compliments and guys were way less nice to me. Dumb huh? Well, I never realized how much of my self esteem and identity were tied into how men treated and viewed me. I just never wanted to be a fat ugly girl, and here I was hugely pregnant and I didn’t look pretty at all. At least in my mind.
I couldn’t wait to have my baby an get back into shape. I had my girl and fell in love with her. I felt like nothing else mattered, not the stretch marks not the pain nothing. I am very happy and feel so blessed to have her and be in her life and have her in mine. I started the pregnancy at 103, flat board abs, not a stretchmark in sight. At 38 weeks I weighed 165, At six weeks I was 154. Now four months later I am at 133. I know that I won’t be happy until I lose twenty pounds. I work out every day. I watch what I eat . I don’t feel that pretty or sexy. My hips had spread, I got stretchmarks. My thighs were huge and flabby. My face was round and puffy, none of my size 1 pants were even close to fitting. I could not believe that for the first three months I had to borrow size 11 jeans.
But it’s not all bad. I feel like having my baby taught me, that my body is more than just eye candy. It was something wonderful and mysterious. I have softened my harsh views toward myself somewhat. I now realize there is way more to life than how I look and these days I don’t spend nearly as much time obsessing over my appearance. I spend way more time giving love to my baby.
It isn’t easy to escape the demons that have always kept me in fear. Having a baby helped increase the love in my life and forced me to accept the changes that came with pregnancy. I lost some control and found myself enjoying parts of it. I know that I will always have to work on loving myself, and having a daughter makes me want to be a good example. I do not want her to suffer like I did. I think she is perfect and I want her to always love herself. So I will work on loving myself.
To battle the depression, postpartum ouch!, I have to workout. I have been going to the gym five days a week or doing yoga. I am slowly seeing my body look more toned and in shape. I am slowly feeling like I look pretty again. I know that I will obsess over every ounce of flab until it is gone. All I can say is that it is a journey and I am walking the fine line of not spinning out of control and resorting to restricting food, or excersizing obsessively. Having someone that I love more than myself helps keep me focused. It is never easy. It will always be hard for me, but it is the most rewarding thing and feeling I have ever had! I am the happiest I have ever been, even with this imperfect body.
At times I feel so self centered, I know I should be happy that I have a healthy baby, and drop the issues, but it is really hard to change my thought patterns. I am giving it my all and trying to overcome all of this with healthy diet excersize and communication. I feel like this site helps me to be honest with how things went and to put into words how I have been feeling.

Firstpics in white undies, were three months postpartum:
Second pics in red shirt were around 3 1/2
Third (with purple shirt) four mos

~Your Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies : one birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: four mos

SOAM on Oprah?

Bonnie (SOAM) News 4 Comments

Awhile back, I posted a link to a facebook group my friends have created in the hopes that Oprah will take notice of the site and feature it on her show. My friends and others have written letters to this effect and I felt it was time that I do the same. I wanted to share it with you all:

Dear Miss Winfrey,

My name is Bonnie Crowder and I am a mother. Having struggled with body image issues my whole life (as so many women do) and being completely unprepared for the effects of pregnancy upon my body, I lived in shame for a long time about how my body looked. One day, I happened to see another mother’s belly and I realized that it was not my fault for looking this way and that I am certainly not the only one whose body was forever changed. I felt that if I was so very relieved to know this truth, then there must be many other moms who are hungry for reality, too. And so I began TheShapeofaMother.com where women submit photos of themselves before, during and after pregnancy – where we find others who are like us in body and mind.

By the end of its first month, the site was featured in media outlets around the world, including the London Guardian. It has since been in magazines, articles, and was recently featured in a UK documentary by Louise Redknapp. We get over 3,000,000 hits monthly. I have received letters from women in many countries thanking me for the opportunity to ease their minds and see some real bodies. Clearly, this is something that has been very good for women across the globe.

Recently, some of my friends have written to you in the hopes that you would consider featuring the website on your show – I am eternally grateful to these women for supporting me so wonderfully. But it’s not fair to make them do all the work, is it? At first I felt uncomfortable for promoting myself in this way, but then it occurred to me, that this is not about me at all, but about Womanhood. I hope you consider this – your show could make such a wonderful impact on the self-esteem of American women. If we could change the shape of women in the media, we could do worlds of good for this and following generations.

Thank you,
Bonnie

If you feel moved to participate, you can join the group here and submit a letter here.

Hating my Stretch Marks! 3 Months PP (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

I´m a 24 years old mom of a 3 months old gorgeous baby boy. I found out I was pregnant while I was planing my wedding
I got really exited about having a baby and so did my now husband, I love my baby to dead without a question he is the best ever hapend to me, But… I really hate my body now, I was never a skinny or fit girl but I was in size 3 or 4 jeans (I am only 5´1 so yeah I was slim but not skinny trust me lol) anyways now I´m wearing size 5 or 6 but I´m no way close to look like I once did, specially with all the stretch marks that decided make an apperence in the las 2 weeks of my pregnancy, more than the loose, saggy skin the stretchmarks are what I hate the most, maybe because I know it´s nothing I can do to get rid of the stretch marks, I´m trying to watch what I eat and I´m playing the wii fit (lol), Ohh by the way thanks to all of you ladies to give me the courage of posting here you are great brave BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!!!

These are pics of me at 3 months pp and one of my georgeous baby boy!!!! I´ll keep you posted!!!

One UnHot Mama. C-Sections & Stretch marks! -Yuckk (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Butt, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 32 Comments

First Pregnancyy.

I had been dating my boyfriend
for 2 months before I got pregnant.
(Bad.. i know)

I was 17 years old.
& I was never confident
with my body. Now.. Id give
anything for the body I once had.
Id walk around naked everywhere!!!

The first pic was (of course..)
BEFORE I got pregnant.
I was about.. 190 pounds.
&yeah. Ima big girl. Im 5’9.

The others are today.
8 weeks pp. 216lbs.- can barely squeeze my thighs in a 14.
&& i look horrible.

Before pregnancy i was 190-size 12.
When I had my c-section I was
250.. yeah.

I had pregnancy induced hypertension.
so I blew up!!

I think I might have
ppd. My relationship
with my boyfriend
has basically gone
to shit.
Have any of you had
stretch marks & a flap
like this.. then lost them?
.
I really need some support?
Im taking care of my son -8lb.8oz.20in.-
by myself. My self conficence is so low.
But yeah.

If anything i hope this
makes the ladies with
hardley noticable stretch
marks feel better! =D

22 year old mother of 4 under the age of 2! (Tabitha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Tattoo, Triplets, Update 14 Comments

I got pregnant with spontaneous triplets when i was 20. I had them two months early on july 1st 2007. At 21 i got pregnant again with my last baby and it was only one! He is now two months old and growing wonderfully! He had to be 3 weeks early because of my previous c-section. They had to cut a J incision to get my oldest triplets head out so i had a higher risk of rupturing my uterus if i had gone into labor with my newest child. When my husband and i got pregnant with Brennan i hadnt lost the weight or the skin from the triplets. Ive never been happy with my body until i got pregnant. I wish sometimes i could always look and feel that way i loved my body with a big baby bump even though i was so huge. now that we had our 4th child i had to get my tubes tied. We are in the military and I dont know if i could handle being pregnant again and tring to take care of 4 babies at the same time. With the last pregnancy i was alone my husband and just been deployed to iraq. Luckily he was able to come home before Brennans c-section. I am definately in love with my children and i cant imagine being without them. they make everyday different for me and super exciting. I had a lot of people tell me “god bless you” or “im sorry” when they see me out with my kids. I guess they have no idea how much fun it is to have multiples. Yes there are hard times the good always out weighs the bad. With my body i wish i could be like some of the younger girls who have one baby and go right back to the way they were before they had a baby, but of course having had 4 babies in 2 years the chances of that werent there. I look at myself and shrug but i know that i made wonderful babies and would never take it back. My husband loves every part of me and sometimes i wonder why but i know its because he appreciates what i did to have our children. I wish i could look like a normal 22 year old but then again what “normal” 22 year old has put their body through this? It makes me smile also sometimes when i see the tattoo on my belly and how messed up it is becuase then i remember how wonderful i felt while i was pregnant and how much im going to miss going through it again. But now i get to enjoy my babies and watch them grow and i can finally run around with them and not be out of breath. I could have never pictured my life like this but i guess thats the way god works everything is a surprise and he gave me the best surprise ever! The picture of my belly is 2 months PP from my last son. The names of my children are Riley Chloe and Aiden and our youngest is Brennan!

age: 22
2 pregnancies 2 months PP

Triplets age 2
Brennan 2 months
triplet pregnancy, second pregnancy, four children

Updated here.

18 Months Postpartum, Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

I submitted here when my daughter was 12 months old.

I’d like to say that I’ve reached my weight loss goal over the last six months, but the truth is that the scale has barely budged a pound. I’ve been running three times a week, though, and have started to really enjoy it. I’m noticing some changes in my body, my clothes are definitely fitting better, and I’m learning that exercise isn’t just about losing/maintaining weight, but that it also has a huge mental health component. Like most women who post on this site, I struggle with body image. What frustrates me the most is that, when I am feeling stress about anything, I take it out on my body and attack myself.

My husband an I are considering a second pregnancy at the moment, and I really struggle with the idea of being pregnant before I reach my post-partum weight. What frightens me more, however, is that I suffered from depression during my first pregnancy and afterwards, and though it was treated fairly early on and I’ve recovered wonderfully, I am terrified of going through it again. I am speaking with a counselor at the moment about my fears, and am trying to accept my body the way it is and to stop wanting to change it. Life is too short, I think all of the time. I wish I could just shut off the part of my brain that focuses on hating my body. I have a daughter I love so much, and the idea of her suffering in this way just makes me want to weep. I know that I need to learn to love my own body before I can teach her that she is perfect just the way she is (even though of course I will teach her that.) I want to be a role model for her– of someone who might not fit the ridiculous physical ideal of our culture, but who loves herself inside and out. Thanks to everyone on here for posting their stories. We are all beautiful.

These photos are of me 18 months post-partum.

Updated here.