Update

Update (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 22 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

When my first son died, shortly after birth, I found too late that the only prints I’d been given from the hospital staff were barely worth calling prints… they didn’t even try to unfold his fingers before taking them, and even inked his knuckles rather than take the extra effort to create something memorable. I had been hoping for something clear and beautiful, but when they handed me the papers, I was devastated.
He left no marks on my body other than an ugly and unnecessary cesarean scar: I had no stretch marks or permanent weight gain, I was longing for something physical to remember him by. I wanted a tattoo of his hand in the place where it had been pressing throughout my pregnancy… but due to the condition of the prints, I didn’t know if this would ever happen.

It’s taken me years of canvasing tattoo artists to find one that was capable of not only reconstructing a good print, but also skilled enough to capture the finer details of it.

With the help of my best friend, who took prints from her newborn daughter to give a template to work from, I took the papers to a new artist in town with an amazing skill in details and shadows. She gave me a perfect copy of the size and shape of his palm… not only that, but she painstakingly worked his palm lines (the only part of his prints that was truly preserved) into the tattoo.

So here’s my fourth submission: about 1.5 months pregnant with baby number four, carrying the extra 20lbs from my last two pregnancies, covered in faded stretch marks, an ugly cesarean scar from an unnecessary surgery I still haven’t recovered from, and finally graced with a mark from my first son’s life.

Update: 7 Weeks Postpartum, 7 Pounds to Go (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

Well I am now 7 months postpartum and have managed to get ride of the last 7 pounds. I am now realizing that I am lucky to have lost all of my pregnancy weight so quickly and to have gotten most of my old body back. Breastfeeding has certainly taken a toll on my breasts but I am totally fine with it. I also realize that I had put a lot of pressure on myself when I wrote my first post. My body looked great even at 7 weeks pp and I should have given myself a break.
I am now definitely giving myself a break. Baby and I are staying active but I am not back at the gym or running, we are salsa dancing, swimming and walking.
I am loving being a mommy and I now realize that all the sacrifices we women do to become mommies are all worth it.
I love my body more than ever because it has served a purpose and it created a miracle. It now tells the story of my son’s birth and all the love that I have for him.

In Better Shape – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous entry here.

Age :31
1 pregnancy/1birth
a Baby girl,, 4 mo pp

I posted on here for the first time a month ago,, grateful for this site,, but a mite obsessed with getting back into shape as quickly as possible. And even though im still not where i want to be physically,, the condition of my heart, mind and soul are much improved,, causing me to almost change shape in my own eyes. For the first time in my life , i feel ‘womanly’ ,, ive had a moment or two in the past where i felt ok about my figure,, even a tad appreciative.. but not as strongly as i do now. My body brought forth an adorable, healthy, smart baby girl who gives all those around her joy! It went through an unplanned C section, and healed quickly with no complications! and even though i wasnt able to continue breastfeeding past the first two weeks,, It still provided my daughter with those first vitamins she coudnt get from any store! I still plan on eating healthy and getting exercise (and yes,, not too happy with the added cellulite lol) but im not going to lose precious sleep and time with my daughter trying to get six pack abs or a rock hard body,, i actually think my husband enjoys me new softness. He s like a little juiciness anyways lol :) So to all of you struggling with body image, self esteem and PPD, know it can be overcome through surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people,, prayer and meditation and little bit of kicking yourself in the rear to get in gear and appreciating your body for the miracle it produces!! Be Blessed all!

Pics: Pre- pregnancy,, 36 weeks and laying out…bath time!,, reading with mom… now, four months pp

Mother of 6: Story and Photos UPDATE (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update, VBAC 12 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 11, 7, 5, 4, 2, 18 months

I have come along way in my acceptance of myself as a vibrant, powerful human with a purpose. I have discovered that purpose is to love myself, and others. My body acting merely as an expression of that love, marred by marks, like nails through the palms, to indicate sacrifice and willingness. I love what I have been given so much, that I have no choice but to express it in every way possible; including being comfortable enough in my own skin to expose it.

Updated here.

Take 3: Getting There (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

1 Pregancy & 1 birth
9 months postpartum

I’ve purposely left it till today to do this post; I’m exactly 9 months post-partum. Don’t they all tell you, it takes you 9 months to put it on and 9 months to lose it??!!! Well I’ve lost it all, in fact I’m even slimmer than before I had my beautiful little boy, but I’m not what you’d exactly call ‘back to normal’, if there is such thing as ‘normal’?? I refer to myself as slimmer than before, but slightly wobbly round the edges :-) I can actually smile about this now (well ish). I’m coming to terms (again I say ‘ish’) with my ‘new’ body!!

Since I last posted I was just about 5 months postpartum, which when I look back now, my body had barely had a chance to even begin to recover and I was so down on myself when I should have been really really enjoying those first few precious months with my baby. Which I will never get back again. My more positive attitude comes from the lovely and positive comments that I got from all the ladies that visit this site and also the fact that I decided to stop moaning and get my ass in to gear n do something about it!!

I actually (n can’t believe I’m going to say this) quite like my derrière!! All the ladies that commented on my post, commented on it and it really did make me re-think my attitude to my behind!! Yes, it’s not small and its not perfectly round (one cheeks higher than the other now, don’t know why) but it’s womanly and sexy!! I however, can’t say the same for the rest of my body!! My belly is still covered in horrid stretch marks!! But it is getting flatter, well when I stand up, but when I sit down I get this awful apron!! N my breasts are soooo saggy. This really does bother me, so much so that I’m actually contemplating a boob job! But by the time I’ve saved I may have come round and maybe even love my new droopies!!

The one thing that I’m really really struggling with is still being naked in front of my partner. It’s been 9 months and I STILL haven’t undressed in front of my partner or had sex with him unless the lights are dimmed/off or candles are lit! I’m just so afraid that he’ll see what I see and just think ‘my god’! I feel sorry for him, I really do. I am not what he originally signed up for and that’s what makes me feel this way. I’m not that person anymore that he first got with. He tells me I’m gorgeous, but he hasn’t actually seen ‘ME’, unless it’s in a darkened room, so how can he say this!! N when we do it, I’m just so self-conscious all the time. It’s awful, so awful. I wouldn’t wish this self-loathing on anyone! We want more kids, but I’m scared of what I will look like and I’m also scared that if we were to have a girl I’d pass my body image issues on to my little girl! I need to sort myself out, I’ve actually thought about counselling, but don’t think I could sit moaning to someone about my figure for an hour, it just seems so painful for the person that would have to listen to me rant on!!

Plus side – I’m getting there, I’m exercising and eating well (well sometimes, I can’t help myself from eating takeaway pizza’s) and have developed a healthy approach to my weight loss. I’m doing sit-ups and hoping that in time my tummy will tone and my stretch marks will fade. We’re planning a family beach holiday for us next year and I’m determined to rock a bikini, not a one piece, but a little two piece bikini! Stretch marks and all.

I’m still loving this site and the fact that it brings strength to so many people who need it. Anyone that hasn’t yet posted, but is thinking about it, shouldn’t definitely do it.

My pictures – me 9 months to this day and my little boy!!

New Found Respect for My Body (Proudmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Age: 31
Number of pregnancies and birth: 1
Age of my child: 10 months old
Cesarean birth

Almost 10 months ago I finally realized my biggest dream: to be a mom. Most kids grow up wanting to be rock stars or doctors, I wanted to be a mother. From the moment I met my husband I knew he was going to be the father of my children. It took us 8 years to conceive a child (because of circumstances, not fertility issues) but our daughter was well worth the wait.

Before getting pregnant, I never gave much thought as to how pregnancy would affect my body. I’d gain a bit of weight in my mid-twenties but at just over 5’3 I weighted around 125-130, my stomach was flat and I was overall satisfied with my body. I’ve never been one to work out much so I can’t say that my body was in its best shaped but it looked good to me. Now looking back, I wished I’d worked out and had gotten stronger abs before I got pregnant…But I can’t go back.

My pregnancy was a dream; no nausea or heartburn or any real discomfort except for general aches and insomnia. I however grew an incredibly huge belly. People asked all the time how many babies I was carrying. I didn’t gain that much weight (25-30 pounds) but I was carrying it all in front of me. I also didn’t develop any big stretch marks (just a few on my breast and thighs) so people kept telling me how lucky I was, but I just knew that I would be left with extra skin just looking at that big beautiful belly.

I was pregnant for almost 42 weeks, my little one just didn’t want to come out. They finally did an emergency c-section and my big beautiful baby girl came out weighing 9.2 lbs and measuring 22 inches. I could not believe how long and adorably chubby she was. Today you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at her but I guess I needed a giant belly to accommodate such a big baby.

The day after I got home, my c-section wound opened up and I lost quite a bit of blood. For almost two months I had a nurse come by my home to take care of my wound and it took another few weeks after that to heal properly. Needless to say it took me a while before I could do any kind of real exercising. Just walking up the stairs was enough to open up the wound at first. After the wound healed, the state of my belly left me in shock. I expected a lot of things but I didn’t expect that much extra skin and that huge roll of fat on top of my scar my scar. Plus I had a pretty bad case of diastasis recti (abdominal muscles separation) that did nothing to make me feel better. Losing the weight was easy since I hadn’t really gained anywhere else but the tummy area, but I looked nothing like my former self. It was disconcerting to actually weight less than before but look fatter.

I had a really easy baby from the start so that helped a lot. She’s always been such a happy and smiley baby and of course I knew that I’d do it all over again, but it was still hard to see my deformed belly. I felt like I lived a double life, underneath clothing (and sturdy underwear) I could easily hid my belly and pretend all was well but I was always very self-conscious and had a really hard time finding clothes that fit properly around my mid-section.

It took me months to accept that my body was never to going to go back to its former shape and I now allow myself to wear whatever I want and I don’t feel the need to hide under bulky clothes. I have a healthy lifestyle, I still don’t like the gym but I make it a point to be active everyday and I eat well. My daughter and my husband are my whole world and they make me feel beautiful everyday. I now can look at my body and be proud of it, especially when I look at pictures and realized just how huge my belly was during my pregnancy and how it looked in the first few months after.

I do want more children and I know my body will keep changing. But I truly feel like being a mom is my calling in life and if it means having a less than perfect body, then that’s fine with me. I hope my story helps you accept your beautiful mother’s body, I know all of your stories definitely helped me through some rough times.

Peace

-First picture is at 7.5 months pregnant.
-Second and third are now, 10 months postpartum.
-Last but not least, the beautiful smile that makes it all worth it. :)

Updated here, here, and here

Can I Get a Do-Over? (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

One pregnancy, one baby, 13 months old.
I’m currently 22, 13 months postpartum.

If I could go back and do my pregnancy over, KNOWING WHAT I KNOW NOW, I’d do so much differently:

* I’d keep working out daily, just like I had been doing up until the moment I peed on the stick.
* I’d skip the mom haircut I got at 7 months preggo (thank heavens that’s finally grown out!).
* I’d eat little bits throughout the day between meals. Then maybe I wouldn’t have been STARVING after work and so willing to abandon my clean eating in favor of shoveling anything down!
* I’d go with my gut and have that home birth I wanted. I got my “natural” hospital birth but not really on the terms I’d planned on.
* I’d remember to slather on the anti-stretch mark cream more often. I know I’m genetically more inclined to get them (my mom did) but at least I’d feel better about having put up a good fight against them!
* I’d try to keep the weight gain to under 50 pounds. Maybe then I wouldn’t have so many stretch marks in the first place. I mean, I knew I’d probably get them on my boobs and tummy (which I did) but seriously, ALL down my legs? and my hips? and my butt? AND coming out of my hoo-ha?! Sooo embarrassing.
* I’d buy cuter maternity clothes so that in all my preggo pics I wouldn’t be wearing ratty b-ball shorts and my hubbies t-s. For reals, by week 41 that’s all I could squeeze into.
* I’d buy a belly bandit and wrap up my tummy right after the baby came out. Then maybe it wouldn’t have taken 13 months just to end up looking like I do now.

I hope my next pregnancy goes much differently than my first but with the same result: an amazing little one! I know the physical stuff doesn’t really matter in the end, but it’s so hard to stop blaming myself for my somewhat ruined body. I feel like I’d be pretty much fine with my body now (Super droop boobs included. After 12 months of hardcore nursing, I expected it.) if only I had no stretch marks. Extra skin/fat I can deal with and work hard to correct, but no matter how many squats I do, these marks will never leave my thighs. People always say, “Don’t worry they fade sooo much!” Yeah but seriously, my skin is no longer the texture of a human. Plus, it’s been A YEAR! When are they gonna fade off my legs?! Jeez. I’m finally glad I need to wear contacts because without them in, I look pretty good! Thanks for letting me vent. Keep going mama’s, we’re all doing the most important job in the world and that’s what I keep trying to focus on ….

Pics: all 13 months pp. Stretch marks on hips, legs, and stomach. Sucking in the tummy. Pulling up my extra skin and then letting it all hang out!

Updated here.

My struggle, the stretch marks are totally worth it (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 8 Comments

I have an incompetent cervix. This means that my cervix opens way too soon, resulting in a miscarriage or stillbirth. My first pregnancy I lost at 9 weeks when the baby was discovered to have passed away. My second pregnancy I lost at 4 months, when my water broke and I was dilating. The baby was already on her way out, so I had to deliver. At this point.. no diagnosis was made. They said it was a fluke, and no mention of a cervical condition was made.

When I found out I was pregnant again, needless to say, I was terrified. All I could think is “What if it happens again?”. I was very cautious, and so was my doctor. Every little pain I felt I made sure I was checked out. At around 18 weeks I was feeling some strange pressure, so being the nervous mama that I was, I went to the ER. The ER docs checked me out. They did a manual exam which concluded that my cervix was still closed. I was relieved. They decided to call my on call doc to let him know what was going on and then they were going to release me. I was sitting in the exam room waiting, quite relieved that everything appeared to be OK. Then, the on-call doc walked in. He just happened to be in the hospital, and given my history he decided to check me out himself. He did another exam and said that my cervix was closed but felt a little bit soft and not like that of a woman who has never given birth at term. He took me up to L&D. I started to get a little nervous but figured he was just being cautious. He did a transvaginal ultrasound and found that my cervix was serverely funneled (opening from the inside out) and very short. Usually this happens when you’re going into labor, but in my case.. it was just happening. I cried, got dizzy, almost passed out. The doctor was very kind and explained what could be done and that all hope was not lost. I decided to go home that night, and call my own doc in the morning. I truley believe that the on call doc being there was a miracle. If it wasn’t for him, I would have lost this baby too.

The next morning my doctor had called me. He had my report to a local women’s only hospital. The High Risk specialists there were awesome. They confirmed that my cervix was indeed dilating and short. They then set me up for an emergency cerclage. A cerclage is a stitch placed in the cervix to hold it closed and keep the baby in for as long as possible. They admitted for the night, and the procedure was set for the morning. I was TERRIFIED!! I barely slept all night long. I cried the whole time I was wating to go into surgery. There are risks to the procedure (breaking of the water, infection etc) and I just wanted to bad for my baby to be OK. Turned out, the procedure wasn’t so bad. I was awake for it, but was given a Spinal Anesthetic so I couldnt feel a thing. It was over in about 30 minutes.. and then I was sent to recovery. I had some cramping but was doing OK, so they sent me home that night.

At first, I was scared to even move out of my bed. I was taken out of work and was told to stay at home and relax for the most part. I wasn’t on bedrest persay but I was still terrified of doing anything to mess things up.

Ok, fast forward to now. Every since the placement of the cerclage my cervix has been being very good! The funneling has resolved and my cervix actually gained length. I am now 31 weeks, and the baby is doing great!! He kicks me all the time and I love it. Some days I sit here and watch my belly move all around.. It’s so cool :) No one had even expected me to make this far. But here I am.. still doing great. No signs of labor or anything. I am so thrilled.

What’s funny is that once things started to look up and I started to get a lot less nervous.. I started looking at the changes in my body. My belly really started to pop right out at around 28 weeks. I am short (5’2) and I am all belly it seems. I have only gained about 15-16 lbs during this pregnancy but I still have a lot of stretch marks. They are running all across my belly and sides. I was depressed about them for a while, but when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he just looked me funny. He said “Babe, all this time you’ve been so worried over this baby and now you’re worrying about something as superficial as those stretch marks? I’d love you if you were covered in them. Don’t worry so much!”. He was right. How could I worry about such a thing? They are my mommy marks. Proof of what I’ve overcome to make it this far with my little one. Don’t get me wrong.. I still constantly use creams and lotions on my belly.. but I am not depressed about it. I can worry about my body later. For now, I just want to get this baby into the world safe and sound. I worked so hard at this.. I refuse to let such a silly thing get to me. I have included some pictures of myself. The first one is pre pregnancy, I was about 125 pounds there. The second is me at 21 weeks, the third is at 25 weeks, and the last is at 30 weeks. Thanks for listening!!

Your Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births:3 pregnancies, currently 31 weeks

Updated here.

Learning to Love It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age-21
Pregnancies and Births- 1
Months PP- 5 months postpartum

I have ALWAYS wanted to have kids. So when I married my husband, I knew someday they would follow. We figured 4 or 5 years, so I was on birth control. 4 months after we got married, I felt pregnant, took a HPT and all 5 of them read positive (like 1 wouldnt have told me). At first I was so excited, I wanted to have my baby bump right away, alas, I was about 25 weeks before you could tell I was pregnant. I had a great pregnancy, light morning sickness, one small stretch mark on my hip, and I made it a goal to exercise and eat right, gaining 20 lbs, starting at 130 lbs and 150 lbs the day I delivered. But I didnt enjoy my pregnancy like I should have. I was so concerned about gaining too much weight and not being able to lose it later. I went into labor on my due date, labor lasted 11 hours from start to finish with 3 hours of pushing, I had my baby girl vaginally with slight tearing of my labia. I never imagined I could love someone so much, I wouldnt trade her for anything even my prebaby body. But I am having such a hard time accepting my new body. My husband is so supportive, he says he likes this body better. I weigh in at 128 now and fit into prepreg cloths, but my tummy seems jiggly and my boobs stretched overnight when my milk came in so they are bigger and stretchies show on their sides. However I do LoVe breastfeeding! I am trying to get back into exercising and eating right but its so hard to find time with my 5 month old demanding my attention, and I’m always hungry from breastfeeding. I hope to loose some tummy fat and tone up all over before we try for our next in about 2 years (we’ll see if we make it that far on my new birth control) Recently I realized that, hey, my body is amazing! It accepted a pregnancy, carried it to term, delievering a healthy beautiful baby, and recovered while still nurishing that baby. I shouldnt be so hard on it after all. I hate what supermodels have done to us. They are not the norm, and why are their bodies what we ladies want to have? Anyway, this site has done wonders for helping to come to terms, and I want to maybe help another women struggling with her body too. Heres to us mamas! :)

First Pic- 35 weeks pregnant
Second pic- 1 week postpartum
Third pic- Side 5 months pp
Fourth pic- Stretch mark side 5 months pp
Fifth pic- Front View

Updated here.

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Your Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 boy, 2 years and 2 months.
?
Hello again shape of a mother! Its been 19 months since my last entry. You can find it here. I’ve meant to do some updates here and there but never got around to them. My life and self image took a completely different turn one day at the beach about a month ago, before I tell you about that let me tell you some other things first. Since my son was born my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. After weighing 175 pounds right before delivery it took me about 2 years to drop all my baby weight and then some!! I am now at about 122-124 pounds. I have days when I feel like the most beautiful woman, wife, and mother ever. While other times I feel soft and squishy and weird.

Now let me tell you about my beach experience. It was my first time back to the beach since I had my son. I went with a couple of my beautiful friends that never had babies. I was at first self conscious and almost thought I wasn’t going to be able to take off my towel when all of a sudden I realized this. EVERYONE HAS STRETCH MARKS! Ladies, I spent so many hours and nights crying about my “ruined” body. I spent so much money on creams, lotions, and fancy doodads. When all of a sudden I found myself surrounded by women of all different shapes and sizes, big small, round, flat, and all having a great time. Baby or no baby, everyone has little imperfections. Its what makes us unique, its what makes us human!

It was at that moment that I really truly realized that yes, my stretch marks really are a badge of honor. I have heard those words used before and they would make me scoff and scrunch my nose. “Badges of honor?? More like we didn’t take good care of ourselves and got too fat during our pregnancies and now we have these ugly marks for the rest of our lives!” These were my exact thoughts any time a woman said those words. I am literally covered in stretch marks from my inner thighs, outer sides, and boobs. (They have faded considerably over the years, and using Jergens gradual tanning lotion has made a HUGE difference.) Guess what world, I am not afraid to admit it. I don’t hide them, I am not ashamed of them. I worked hard for my stretch marks. I worked hard to loose the weight and be happy with my body. I work hard everyday to be the best mom, wife, and woman that I possibly can.

I am glad I went to the beach that day. Am glad that I didn’t continue hiding my stretch marks from the world. The amazed glanced that I got from my friends at my body was an incredible feeling. Hearing pretty much everyday that I don’t even look like I had a baby almost makes me blush. I really did work hard and continue working hard to feel good about myself. I did weight watchers for about a year which taught me how to eat well. I am not on it anymore but I monitor everything that goes in my mouth and try to limit going out and eating to about once a week. I don’t necessarily have any kind of exercise regiment but I am pretty active. I am a happy woman, but it was a long and hard trip to find my happiness.

Keep your heads up ladies. Listen to your men when they tell you that you are truly beautiful, because you are. Look in the mirror and smile and tell yourself that you are beautiful. Tell yourself that your child loves you because of all the love you have to give, not because you look like Gisele. Of course we all have our bad days, our bad nights, our bad hours, but have many more better days. Being a mommy is the most wonderful thing in the world, and you aren’t alone in all your struggles. Thank you for this amazing website.

090310-anon-1