Postpartum

Am I Still Beautiful? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Legs, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 39 years old, wanting to accept my changing body, 3 pregnancies (3P/2B), both birth were vaginal, My “normal size”, 160cm, 55 kg (110lbs). Breast 32B,

I was 37 at the time I was pregnant with my second baby, I did gain a lot of weight and when I was 39 weeks I weighted nearly 76kg (150lbs), and I am only 160cm, 5 ft 3 in – I did look like an elephant, but somehow I liked my body, I was adored by my hubby and he was regularly taking pictures of my growing body.

Disaster came after I gave a birth … 5 months postpartum I still looked like I was pregnant, (First 11 pictures), stretch marks on my belly was the worst, my breasts got saggy and my nipples changed shape. My hips and legs look like I was 20 years older that I am, WHAT TO DO !

~Age: 39
~Number of pregnancies and births:3/2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12/2, I am 2 years PP

Mom with PTSD (Kara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, Military Mom, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, PTSD, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I always wanted to be a mom. I didn’t dream of weddings or anything else as a young girl. I was lucky enough to meet my husband in the most amazing of places: while we were in training with the navy. Before we were even engaged we talked about how many kids we would have. Them it got hard. We were stationed apart and were left with no choice but to marry one weekend without family or friends present.

It was nearly 5minths after being married that we were able to live together for the first time and we decided to try for a baby right away. Sadly I suffered a loss at nearly 18weeks. The naval hospital tried to convince me nothing was wrong and sent me away. I went to a “civilian” hospital right away and ended up having a d/c. I was devastated. My command was less than supportive. So it was back to military work for both of us.

I suffered a severe depression I can only recognize now. Them a few months later I discovered we were expecting again. I tried to be happy but I was terrified. The military has terrible prenatal care and I never enjoyed that pregnancy. My command was again less than supportive and when I was about 20 weeks along they started the unnecessary abuse. They told me I got pregnant on purpose to jeopardize my commands mission. I would never do that. I even I tended to deploy shortly after the birth. Those guys had my back and I had theirs, but my Commanding Officers kept on.

Every day I suffered to enjoy being pregnant with my daughter and came into my job and took yelling telling me that this was not a gift but something I did to hurt others. They had me transferred two weeks later. This ridiculous reputation preceded me and I arrived at a new command where I was instantly treated terrible as though I got pregnant to get out of my navy work. I was an air traffic controller and they quickly found I was one of the best. But at 26 weeks I went into preterm labor. My daughter was born at 33 weeks and almost didn’t make it. She stayed in the hospital for more than a month and I, determined to win the support of my command hardly visited her. I was not happy. We brought her home on mothers day. It meant nothing to me. My whole pregnancy I was told she was a mistake and I was terrified to connect so I wouldn’t suffer another loss.

We continued our military work and we found out my husband was going to be deployed for a year. A week later I found out at my check up for my IUD that it wasn’t placed correctly and I was pregnant again. My daughter was 6months old. Again started the abuse at work. Again I felt sorry I got pregnant instead of happy. I took yelling and abuse. And now my husband was deployed. I was alone. Somehow I made it and I had him at 38week. Now I was alone in the military with a 13 month old and a new born.

When my son was 5 mo the old I was basically kicked out of the navy. My command said I was hurting their mission (because after 20weeks prego I couldn’t control aircraft) and now I was on depression meds. My doctor was amazing and basically told me that it was best for my health to get out and so I was honorably discharged before my husband got back. Two years later I was diagnosed with PTSD. It is hard. I have no memories of the first two years of my daughters life. My mind has blocked them. I have no memories of the time during my husbands deployment (including the birth of my son). But my story isn’t over yet.

My husband got out of the military right after my son turned one. mostly so I wouldn’t have to be alone any more. And for that I owe him my life. Literally. So we moved to Colorado and I got a great job as an assistant to the owner of a medical spa. But not even a year into it I discovered my boss was going to fire me. Not for anything I had done. The girl who held the position before me was bubbly and cute and while I have always been kind to everyone, I am serious. She never gave me a fair chance and never like me the way she like the girl who left before me. I did my job well and saved her company tons of money. I showed up early every day and did exactly as she asked and more. She told me the day she fired me that I couldn’t be trusted (though I took her deposit to the bank almost daily and controlled 100% of her inventory). She told me that my resume was a lie and that she should have never hired me. Back came all of those feelings I had worked for two years to get over. Someone was again tying to make me guilty for something I had not done. That was February of this year.

I got 200 times worse after that. Now I have more anxiety problems, anger issues and a ton of other symptoms since then including letting food be my comfort at times. So I decided to stay home. I enjoy my kids, though my memories of them being babies are gone. I love them and play with them and stay away from the world that always finds a way to hurt me. Now I look in the mirror and see my post pregnancy body (though in my reality and my memory I never had a baby) and I hate the way I look. I was in perfect shape. In a difficult military command where I could do as much as the men. I see me now four dress sizes bigger and ravaged by eating problems, medications and depression. But I am determined that next year will be better and I can start to heal. I will love my kids and as hard as it is I will try to love myself. So now I am here with two amazing children, but I still feel as though I was only pregnant with my first. It still feels like I never got my wish to be happy and pregnant and have babies. And now I dont have my dream military job either. I just recently started staying home with my kids. I long for a connection with them. It is hard though. And now I look in the mirror and see my post pregnancy body, ravaged my medications and eating problems and depression and I don’t even recognize myself.

My journey to being a mom has left me four dress sizes bigger and with a broken mind. When I am out I wish people could look at me and see my story. Maybe then they would not think “look at the over weight lady” or wonder “why doesn’t she have a job?”. So I guess I am sharing with you since I cannot scream it at the world.

Thanks for your time!
Kara
Mom of 4yr old girl, 3yr old boy and one angel.

First picture is right before my first pregnancy, second is me and my daughter, third was today.

Mom of 3 (Kimberly)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

Hi my name is Kimberly, 29 years old, I have 3 children ages 13, 10, and 5. I had my first daughter at the age of 16…..I was 107 pounds, small breasts, bigger backside. I had never had any issues with my body other than like a lot of girls I wished I had bigger boobs lol. The day I had my first child I weighed 157 so a 50 pound weight gain and on my 5’2 frame that’s a LOT! I got stretch marks everywhere! Boobs, stomach, hips, thighs, back of my legs, arms…..everywhere! I was mortified to say the least! Luckily I was married and my husband at the time made me feel beautiful even though I felt hideous. I had got back down to 125 when I decided to start the depo shot, HUGE mistake! I got back up to 160, and quit the shot, lost down to around 140 and got pregnant with my second daughter, gained 28 pounds with her, didn’t get any new stretch marks but some on my belly and hips extended. I breastfed her for 16 months so the bigger breasts also meant more sagging when I weaned her. I lost all the weight, but was still not back down to pre pregnancy weight. 5 years after that I got a surprise and got pregnant with my son….miserable pregnancy, but only gained 12 pounds….no new stretch marks!!! And oddly enough I can say this is when body image issues started to control my life. I breastfed him for 23 months, I was happy with my breasts at that time, but once he was weaned they seemed to sag more than ever, COMPLETELY deflated! I had 3 c sections so I have the dreaded apron. I had lost all of that weight and more when my marriage of 9 years started falling apart, I ate away my depression and got up to my all time high of 183. I decided I had to do something and started eating better and hitting the gym and got down to 145, I felt great as far as losing weight but the more I lost the more EVERYTHING sagged! My husband and I got divorced and I reconnected with my first love and we have now been married almost 2 years. I wish I could say that all of the sweet and loving things he tells me about my body just clicked and I could believe him, but it’s hard for me to even begin to think that my body is something desirable. It’s an ongoing struggle I still fight with every day. I’ve gotten down to 135 and hope to get down to 120 sometime soon. This site has helped tremendously and all of your ladies are beautiful! Thanks for reading!

Prolapse (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Postpartum, Prolapse, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Vulva, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 11 Comments

Note from admin: I make a point to not edit anyone’s post for a variety of reasons, one of which is that your words are YOURS and we need a safe place to express ourselves, no matter how hard the things we have to say are. I do, though, want to mention that bodies are just bodies, and genitals are just genitals. Sometimes they won’t work properly, but that doesn’t make anyone, as a mama, a woman, or a person in any way gross. You are all beautiful no matter what. You might feel gross, but I am here to hug you and tell you that you aren’t. You are lovely. I promise. (And this message isn’t specifically for the mama who posted here, but for any mama who needs it.)

Ok so this is super super gross ladies I’ve had 3 natural births, last one 11 months ago. My vagina looks like it’s falling out to me. what do you think? Do you also look like this after children? Is this completely normal? I had a slight prolapse on my second and it got worse on my third. Sometimes I’m more “closed” and tighter then others. It depends on cycle. Please help. Do I need to see a doctor in your opinion?

Due to the intimate nature of the photos, I am linking them. Click here and here.

I was a body builder. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 5 Comments

Where to start. Well, 18 months ago I found out I was pregnant, and two short months later I found out I was carrying fraternal twin girls. I grew them for 8 months and two weeks, and when they were born they became a bigger part of my life then I could have ever imagined. They are my heart, and life without them just wouldn’t be complete. Fast forward several months through weight loss, post partum depression, weight gain and I am constantly battling my body and how to accept it’s new form. I was never thin before, but I was not overweight. I dressed femininely in skirts and dresses that created the illusion of a waist on my straight figure. I have the opposite of a waist, now. My hips got a couple inches wider, my waist got wider than that even and now I look like I’ve wrapped a sack of potatoes around my midsection. I do not know who this body belongs to, but it certainly isn’t mine!

When I was pregnant my old roommates told me I was a body builder! I felt so empowered by the end of my pregnancy, this was the biggest thing I have ever done in my life. I bore life. Two beautiful, perfect life’s. So why do I beat myself up? I feel lazy, and my eating habits are horrible ranging from not eating to binging on junk. How do new moms find the balance? I feel like I’m a great mom to my girls, but I don’t even come close to giving myself the same care and attention that I deserve or need.

Before the girls were born, I was obsessed with bouncing back to my pre pregnancy shape and size. The girls came via scheduled cesarean, so I had plenty of time to mentally prepare and have no major issues with my scar or even stretch marks. I read that nursing would make the weight melt off, and then for multiple reasons was unable to nurse. I envy the lucky women who bounced right back.

So here I am, wishing I could be a size 12 again one day and knowing damn well how I felt when I was a size 12. It’s funny how our perceptions of reality change. Size 12 was huge! Now what I wouldn’t give to look like I did when I was three months pregnant. I keep telling myself that after the first year it will get better, but I have to face the fact that body image has been a life long battle for me. I hope a day comes where this statement will no longer be true…

I believe I was about 12 weeks pregnant [in the first picture], so a pretty decent idea of how my body looked before.

Probably at around 34 weeks [in the second picture]. I got much bigger doing most of my growing in the third trimester, when I got all my stretch marks.

Sad. Now my bra size is 40DDD and I look like a nice lumpy pillow. I took this almost 9 months PP. I’m depressed now.

How do I do this? I look like me , but it’s more like someone else ate me and now we’re one weird human. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I have absolutely no clue where to start…

Twin Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 6 Comments

25 years old
First and only pregnancy
Fraternal twin boys born at 38 weeks via csection 5 lbs 1 oz and 5 lbs 12 oz

I wanted to share my “story”. I am just a real mom. I didn’t let myself go when I got pregnant and I tried to do “all the right things” for the most part. I am not a clean eater or extreme athlete. I highly respect the women who are dedicated enough to live that lifestyle and I hope someday I can be that dedicated! If I had been then I probably would look better postpartum twins than I do. Oh well, can’t change it now! :) For the most part I think genetics, in my case, did just get the best of me. I look almost identical to my mom after her kiddos. I see photos of women who had twins and look perfect with not a stretch mark or pinch of extra skin and it can be quite discouraging that that is not what I look like. I just want to share with other “moms to be” my “story” and how things turned out for me.

Pre-pregnancy weight 118 lbs. 5’6″ size 34D boobs. Active. Runner. Always had a pretty good body even when I didn’t work out or “try”. In the before pictures I was in the best shape of my life. I had done 3 months of the program “Brazil Butt Lift” and ran 4-5 miles 4-5 days a week.

I continued to run for the first few months of my pregnancy. I watched what I ate most of the time, but if I wanted to eat something I ate it. I gained 43 lbs when I walked back for my csection. I drank a lot of water!! I used cocoa butter and bio-oil religiously. It did not prevent my stretch marks. They look almost identical to my mothers.

I have diastasis recti. I went to physical therapy for it and it helped dramatically but I still struggle with it. It has not completely closed and at this point I don’t believe it will. I wish I was able to work out more than I have been able to. It is very hard for me to find the time, but that is not excuse. Of course I was upset with some aspects of my postpartum body, but overall I don’t think that I look too bad. My husband tells me all the time that he is more attracted to me than ever. I believe him because he wants me more now than ever. :) I frequently have people tell me that I look Amazing for having twins and they envy me. Of course, they don’t see me naked. I look pretty good in clothing! Ha! :) I am most happy that I didn’t develop an obvious tummy in clothing and my boobs are still there. (although not the same, slightly smaller and saggy) Again, my husband still loves them. He does say they are more “squishy” now than before, when they were firm.

I breastfed my twins until they were a year old. I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans and that at 3 months postpartum but everything wasn’t back to “normal” until around 9 months pp. When I neared the point to wean the boys I was starting to waist away and only weighed about 117 lbs. After I had them weaned I gained back some weight and now I am sitting around 125 lbs. Not too far from my pre-pregnancy weight of 118 lbs. I wear all my old clothes. My csection scar is amazingly tiny and barely there. Looks much better than my stretch marks. The stretch marks didn’t really start until around 30 weeks.

In the white bikini- Pre-pregnancy 118 lbs 5’6″
In the pink dress- 1 1/2 years postpartum 125 lbs
In the black bra and blue yoga pants- 1 1/2 years postpartum 125 lbs
In the underwear and black sports bra- 16 months postpartum
In the blue tank top side view- 9 months postpartum
Walking back for my csection in the blue striped shirt (38 weeks twin baby bump)
With my little babies- going home at 5 days postpartum

Fascinated by the Changes (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions

Age: 39 years old

First child.

I am fascinated by the changes to my body (especially my boobs) that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are making.

I took these photos as a record for myself but also to share with a young friend of mine who told me ” Oh, you can exercise and get your body back.”

My response to her was “Well, if you think there’s an exercise that will change my boobs back, I think you believe in magic. ;)

I’ve left it late in life to have my first child – I’m 39 – and I feel it’s a little easy to accept my body because I had it good while I was young.

Now I am ageing anyway and at least I have something to show for it – and making another human is quite an achievement! :)

I do worry though that women have unrealistic expectations of what they can control and change about their bodies and I think it’s important to learn how to embrace the mamma body.

In some ways, I disagree that women should even have to show their bodies at all. Why are we always under such scrutiny other than to drive an industry?

But if sharing images of ourselves makes someone else feel less alone in their situation, then it’s worth it!

So here are some photos that I am happy to share.

The first one was taken when I was 28 years old (and long before having children) – proof that I too once had perky boobs. ;)

And the next shot was taken at age 39; 5 weeks postpartum, post C-section, currently breastfeeding.

I’m not sure of my weight but I think I’m about 6kg heavier than I was before getting pregnant (now about 74kg, was 68kg) and about 16kg heavier now than I was 10 years ago when the first shot was taken (was 58kg).

The other photos are of different stages. One old photo is from when I was 28 years old. Then 5 weeks postpartum. Also 5 weeks and 31 weeks pregnant.


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10lb Stays Behind With Each Child (BUTTERFLY6925)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

I am 31 years old and about 8 weeks pregnant with my 6th pregnancy. I have 4 living children, ages 12,10,9, and recently starting over with 6 months.

In 2006, I gave birth to a still born baby girl who we called Avyn Abigail

We have 3 living boys and only 1 girl. Daddy is determined to have a second girl.

I had been fortunate to regain my pre baby body after the first 3 children and even was able to win a bikini contest against 50 women in 2011.

However, after each child I retained exactly 10 lbs with each birth.

I started at 18 years old and was 110 lbs and today I am 160 lbs and newly pregnant with my 6th , hopeful that I do not come out of this one at 170 lbs!

I am that girl in your story!

After each birth, I am able to conveniently shrink back down to my original size and fit back into my pre pregnancy clothes ( size 5 ) , but each time, they fit a little differently and I tend to carry the weight somewhere new each time! LOL

Daddy has agreed to a vasectomy after this one! Whoo hoo!

It is not easy being a mommy to 4 while daddy is on an oil rig 8 hours away AND also in the Army reserves.

I am happy that he finally understands this and has exhausted his need to have another girl.
Lord willing, he will get his girl on this round…I guess we will see!

Overdue, induced and finally sectioned! 25 days postpartum! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

When I found out i was pregnant I was both excited and terrified I had just started a new healthy lifestyle, was down three kg and was feeling fantastic. I have always had body issues and the though of pregnancy weight gain and body changes scared the hell out of me. My pregnancy was not fun I had really bad morning sickness was hospitalized and lost 6 more kg during the first trimester due to this. I was happy I had lost more weight but felt incredible guilt because my baby could have been compromised, so I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted and whatever I could keep down in order to regain the weight.

Anyway towards the end of my pregnancy my partner and I relocated interstate to be closer to family and needless to say it was a very stressful time. My new doctor was fantastic but it was just one thing after another and I worried about every thing. She initially said i was too small to give birth to a full term baby naturally and that she may induce early at 38wks, I went for a scan and the babies size was fine but i had low fluid levels, so I was sent for another scan, I was strep B positive, then the babies heart rate became erratic and high and it felt like every little thing that could go wrong was going wrong. The doctor let me go full term and booked me in for an induction when I made it to 40wks and 6 days.

The first induction attempt (with cervadil?) didn’t bring on labor, I had contractions but once the cervadil was removed everything stopped and my cervix were shut tight!

After 24 hours a second induction was attempted using prostaglandin gel, this time I was having small irregular contractions that didn’t get any stronger and eventually stopped. My cervix were still shut tight! No Labor no Baby.

By this stage I was 40wks and 9 days and my doctor said I can let you go and see what happens but “I don’t think anything is going to happen on it’s own especially after the inductions failed, Or we can book you in this afternoon for a section” After four days in hospital I just wanted to meet my baby so I opted for the section. I was a little scared but excited that after going through so much I would finally meet my baby. It was not to be. I was prepped for surgery and had the spinal block inserted and well IT DIDN’T WORK! the spinal block failed to take effect, I could still wiggle my toes and feel my legs and pelvis so the section was abandoned I couldn’t believe it. I was devastated I was so ready to meet my baby and I was being told no you have to wait another day.

I was re-booked for another one under an epidural for the next morning. Thank goodness this time it worked and I was finally able to meet my baby a little boy! I was allowed to leave hospital on Monday after delivering by section on the Friday.

Here I am 25 days later (still with the steri strip over my scar). I still have a way to go but you know what I don’t care I’ve got something better than a hot body, a beautiful, healthy little boy that I love more than anything

Age: 33
Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 25 days postpartum

Feeling Good (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

~Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 – 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 and 2 years

I have always had a complex relationship with my body. My weight has gone up and down over the years. Most days I would be fine, other days I would loathe myself. My boobs, who were a size DD at 13 years old, were often a cause of low self-esteem and (mostly) unwanted male attention.
I met my wonderful boyfriend at 19 years old, after I gained the dreaded freshman 15 and was officially overweight. It didn’t seem to matter too much to him. After college I was able to lose that weight and maintain for several years, until I had my first child at 28. Breastfeeding didn’t help much with losing weight and I was again about 15lbs overweight. Two years later I had my second child and that left me with an extra 8lbs, so 23lbs in total.

I was OK with my body, but I didn’t feel pretty or sexy anymore. I wanted to feel pretty again. Yes, I will readily admit that I lost the baby weight for vanity. So after the breastfeeding period I was ready to get my body back and I bought some good quality running shoes. During 8 months I was running but not losing much weight. Then I started counting calories and the pounds flew off in a relatively short period (3 months). I’ve been maintaining my pre-baby weight for 5 months now and I couldn’t be happier.

My boobs have also undergone a positive change. I went from a pre-baby DD cup, to a post-baby C cup, to a post-weight loss B cup. Some women might mourn the loss of a DD cup, but I’m certainly not one of those women!!! I’m loving my new smaller boobs. Clothes fit me better, people don’t stare at my chest they way they used to, working out is less painful. It’s all good in my eyes. Yes, they are a bit saggy and deflated, but that doesn’t weight up to the advantages.
Pictures. (My apologies for the quality. I am not not good with a camera.)

#1 After second baby.
#2 Pre-weight loss pictures.
#3 Post weight loss. This is a blurry one but I was happily surprised at my silhouette.
#4 Post weight loss profile.
#5 Post weight loss belly close up. I think it looks better now than it did pre-children. Right above my belt you can see the slight mommy pouch.