Your Age: 21, almost 22 Number of pregnancies and births: 2/2
Age of Children: Oldest son is almost 2, youngest son is 6 months old
Hi, I’m Darlene. I have two beautiful sons, Malikai (almost 2) and Jude (6 mos.). I love both of my babies and I don’t know where my life would be heading if I wasn’t blessed with them.
I gained over fifty lbs with each pregnancy. Malikai weighed 9 lbs when he was born and Jude was 7 lbs 12 oz. I did tear with Malikai but I don’t know how badly I tore.
My breasts sag (I’m currently exclusively pumping for Jude ever since he started refusing to nurse), I have stretch marks literally everywhere, I have a flabby belly, and I think my vagina looks very unattractive. Scar tissue also makes sex painful at times, and I don’t get/stay wet like I should since I’m breastfeeding.
Now on my vaginal opening and somewhat on the urethral opening, there are skin tags or scar tissue. Keep in mind that both of my babies were born vaginally, no complications.
Is there anything I can do to improve the appearance of my labia and vaginal area? I know that kegel exercises won’t help with appearance, just interior muscle tone.
Note from admin: I make a point to not edit anyone’s post for a variety of reasons, one of which is that your words are YOURS and we need a safe place to express ourselves, no matter how hard the things we have to say are. I do, though, want to mention that bodies are just bodies, and genitals are just genitals. Sometimes they won’t work properly, but that doesn’t make anyone, as a mama, a woman, or a person in any way gross. You are all beautiful no matter what. You might feel gross, but I am here to hug you and tell you that you aren’t. You are lovely. I promise. (And this message isn’t specifically for the mama who posted here, but for any mama who needs it.)
Ok so this is super super gross ladies I’ve had 3 natural births, last one 11 months ago. My vagina looks like it’s falling out to me. what do you think? Do you also look like this after children? Is this completely normal? I had a slight prolapse on my second and it got worse on my third. Sometimes I’m more “closed” and tighter then others. It depends on cycle. Please help. Do I need to see a doctor in your opinion?
Due to the intimate nature of the photos, I am linking them. Click here and here.
I recently discovered SOAM and was happy to see a forum for discussing the changes women go through after childbirth. There seem to be a lot of younger women (20s) with beautiful bodies who post on this site, I wanted to share my story and pictures too. I’m 35 and have given birth to three children, with my recent child being born less than 6-months ago. I actually cried when we found it we were having our 3rd because I was finally happy with my body after our 2nd and the 3rd caught us by surprise. Now that we know we’re done having kids, I want to look the best that I can. I was worried about all aspects of my body: stomach, butt, boobs, and the taboo topic area (vagina/labia). I’ve been very self-conscious about my body, even though I’m back to my pre-baby weight of 125lbs. I just wish things were tighter than they are. My husband is very supportive and tells me frequently how good I look and how I turn him on. It’s nice to hear but I still miss my pre-baby body. Our sex life is still good too. I was worried what a 3rd vaginal delivery would do to me, but things still look the same down there and I can still orgasm like before. I’m posting these pictures, in part, to show other women what a women can look like after three pregnancies. My husband also encouraged me to post, telling me that I should be proud of how I look so soon after giving birth to our 3rd. Still nervous to submit but if you’re reading this…..I mustered up enough courage to hit the send button. Thanks.
Thank u all for your beautiful words of support been working my huge ass off and lost sum weight but the more i lose the small my boobs get and im concerned that with 3 kids coming out of me my vagina doesnt look as it should i cant help but think about it in the bedroom :( let me know what u think love u all
It took me awhile to conceive my 1st child, so when I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled. It didn’t take long though for my anxiety to set in and for my body issues to only be exasperated by my growing and changing physique. I gained 60 pounds during those 9 months. For someone who was abused and constantly told I was ugly and fat as a child by my father, this really put me in a bad place. I tend to gain weight very easily and a lot of it was water weight but it was still something I felt shame for. Every single time I went to my checkups, I dreaded the scale. I worried about what people thought of me, I hated the way I looked and didn’t want pictures taken of my pregnant belly. Fast forward to now, my son just turned 2. He amazes me every.single.day and is my pride and joy. I still have some of my baby weight, my breasts have changed, and I feel that my vagina looks different as well. My vagina is something that I’m actually quite concerned about….it’s my biggest issue. I had incontinence for the first 9 months or so after birth but that seems to have resolved itself for the most part. Sometimes I will pee a teeny bit if I sneeze or cough hard enough. But the opening of my vagina seems wider and longer to me. The hole is definitely different and seems to go quite far down, almost to my anus. I only tore on my labia according to my midwives so I don’t understand why it looks so different. Sex is pretty good and hasn’t changed dramatically but I do notice that I’m a bit softer inside and I feel less friction. I definitely don’t feel as tight as I used to feel and that worries me. I want more children but am concerned about furthering the damage down there. I’ve even started obsessively looking up c-sections, and vaginoplasty. Will my vagina get worse with each baby?? Every medical professional I saw prior to giving birth assured me that nothing would change and that everything would eventually return to normal but I disagree. I feel like this is a subject that isn’t discussed amongst women, and if it is, it’s not done openly and candidly. I have suffered so much mentally over this fear that my vagina isn’t pleasurable anymore and that if I have more babies it will only get worse. I don’t know what to think. I feel so abnormal and alone and that’s why I came here.
You may also choose to include:
~Number of pregnancies and births:3 pregnancies, 1 abortion, and 1 miscarriage.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 year old child.
The more graphic images are available here and here.
I have a gorgeous 16 month old son. I am 21, myself. I feel terrible about my body. I don’t feel like the same person, I literally look at pictures of myself before giving birth and think to myself how I miss that very faraway strange person. it never leaves my mind. If I am alone and undistracted to long I think of ending it all. Its not just my saggy breasts, my watermelon striped jelly belly but my new vagina. Its horrific. I never queefed before. I feel like a bug could crawl up there. Sex is exponentially less good, sometimes painful. The doc says im normal. I had no tearing. The “normal” part makes me feel so much worse like I’m supposed to accept it, and as if everyone else already has accepted for me the fact I am a mom now and nothing else, much less someone who should care about sex or have good sex. I never had given mom sexuality much thought, especialy with so many celebrity births but now I feel like “Oh duh! being a mom is the precursor to being old! to having a not tight pussy! to no longer being first choice!” I feel all used up. I thought when people say stuff like “Oh you look great for having kids” they meant oh you lost weight. So what? who cares about weight when you have puckered, sagging, marked up skin, floppy breasts and a weird looking loose pussy?! I feel violated and robbed in ways I didn’t know were possible.
Id really like to thank you for creating this website I was thinking of doing something similar but not as positve when I ran across Shape of a Mother. I am in therapy for PPD. Rx drugs seem to numb me at best. Looking through your site has been my first flicker of real hope and break from intense aloneness and feelings of worthlessness. I know I have a looong way to go and am still looking into LVR and cosmetic procedures but the world seems allot less foreboding now. I saw other women saying the same thing I was thinking upon finding The Shape of a Mother, Id never feel so negative towards another woman in my position.
My name is Katherina and I am a mother of three beautiful children, ages 7, 4 and 3. All my births were natural and I breast-fed all three of my babies. Like most women, I intended to gain the recommended 25- 30 pounds with each pregnancy, but I ended up gaining 50+ pounds each time. I ate nutritious food – fruits, veggies, etc. – I just ate a lot because I was hungry ALL THE TIME, even in the middle of the night.
I received a lot of veiled hurtful remarks about my weight gain, like: “you were so thin before, I just assumed you would be a thin pregnant person”, “wow, your baby is going to be gigantic” and “you don’t really need to eat for two”. Some people made comments that were outright hurtful, including my husband. It left me wondering, when did my weight become everyone else’s business?
The photos below show what my body looks like now that my youngest (and last) child is almost three. I gradually lost the extra sixty pounds I had gained and I’ve taken up yoga. As for my last pic, I took it to disprove the myth that a natural delivery ruins your vagina. I know that c-sections are a blessing to those who truly need them, but so many women who don’t need one are ‘electing’ to have one anyhow. Hopefully my photo will take away some of the fear associated with natural birth.
Motherhood has brought so much joy into my life and I hope that all the pregnant women and mothers who read this will realize how beautiful and special they are. Insist on celebrating yourself in all of your phases – you’re worth it! : )
Third picture can be viewed here. It’s more personal than most photos on this site, so I am not posting it within the entry itself. :)