Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Mother of One Little Girl (Sade)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

I had my daughter Harmony six months ago. It was a scary experience because I was only 21 when I found out and it was a one night stand. The father lived in another state. I was going to abort my child but I decided to keep her and get in contact with the father. What happened next is straight out of a fairytale, he moved to my state and we decided to try to be together for our child, a year and some months later we are still together strong! I’m so blessed.

As far as my body, I’ve always been slim with lil to no body fat. When I was pregnant I gained forty pounds but I was a fitness junkie while pregnant I worked out five times a week and ate well. When I had my baby, I lost all the weight in four months because I worked hard. I didn’t get stretch marks but I think its because my mom didn’t either and she has two children. My daughter is definitely a blessing and pregnancy was one of the best things to happen to me. I got some hips and booty, which I lacked before. That’s my story.

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
Age of children: 6 months

Australian Ex-Professional Dancer Battles with Post Baby Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 26 Comments

28
one child
ten months post body
65-kg before pregnancy
95 peak pregnancy
75-kg to date,

i use to dance professionally in burlesque and cabaret-bars , having my whole job revolve around my body and my own sense of sexuality i was always great shape , having to keep toned by having a active and a healthy life style.

when deciding to have a family i had no idea what the consequences were to be upon my body , i had the idea to keep working afterward ( of course with a healthy time of to share with my baby) but i find my self with a incurably saggy belle and a thousand strong deep stretch marks , i will always have to wear a corset now if i decide to go back to work,, during my pregnancy i ate all hearted !! i ate lamb shanks , mash potato , i though to my self i am growing a baby i may as well give her all the food she needs !! or was that food for me ?? during my dancing i had to watch what i ate, it was plenty of small frequent low carb nutritious-meals , to keep my figure , so needed in the high class of exotic dancing,, i had a lot of water retention and the blue marks appeared-around week 34 and at my peak of pregnancy i had put on a whopping 30-kg but gosh those cup cakes never tasted so good !!! best yr. of my life !!!

i have lost the weight but now i am left with the saggy left over skin.

sometimes i wonder weather the skin stretched so much because i put on so much weight and it was all my own fault, but then i have two friends that were tiny ( like myself) before falling pregnant and have bellies-like my own ( very saggy and wrinkly , so i think its a mix of heritor ( my mother had the same thing ) weight gain , and skin elastic ,my daughter was two weeks over due and i was huge … my skin stretched to impossible lengths it was like i was carrying twins , ( see pic below in labour )

so i find my self kinda in a state of shock , my body has changed so quickly in just one and a half yrs. , been put through so much strain, ( created the most amazing thing in return ) but sometimes i feels hard letting go of my own body image and excepting the change .

it some times does not feel like my body, i am uncomfortable in my sexuality for the first time in my life , and find my self not wanting to share my self with my lover , i feel ashamed with the change , i am trying to love and except ,, but its not easy …

my breasts are much fuller and saggy now , i personally feel quite at peace with them in my own private life , but the thought of returning to work now and showing my breast sounds terrifying to me,, but my belli is a different matter , i am so disgusted by it i cannot even look at it ,i always am having to wear a corset , to be honest i think i just may never dance again ,, which honestly is devastating ,,, i love what i do and love bringing joy and humor to people through my shows ,, my savings were extremely healthy and i always had strong work ethics and was am proud of what it do ,i was never ready to give up dancing,, i feel like my successful business was taken away from me .

if i was GIVEN 20 thousand dollars for a breast enhancement and tummy tuck would i do it ?? YES
would i pay 20 thousand from my OWN savings for the operations ,,, NO

my hard earn money would go to my family , not myself . but god i would love to win the lotto !!!

in retrospect if i had of know back then of what i do now of my change in body i would never want it any other way ,, the joy of mother hood far out ways the way i am feeling about my body ,, one strechmark for every smiles from my baby girl ,, now that a good exchange :) , i am trying to move on and heal through this , thats why i want to say a big thank-you to all you other moms who have shared there story, you are all apart of my healing .

i am struggling to keep positive

Second entry here.

Mommy to a Flower (Meghan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

Age: 18
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 months pp, 6 months old

I was 180lbs when I found out I was pregnant . I was trying to lose weight, but having a hard time .
Throughout my pregnancy I gained 40lbs and some stretchmarks . After my daughter was born, I breastfed her, and lost all my pregnancy weight in the first week. After that, I have not been able to lose any more .

Its been 6 months, and I often find myself depressed about the way I look . I see other women, and wish I looked more like them. I am still breastfeeding, and trying to excersize as much as possible . My boyfriend always tells me he thinks I am sexy and doesnt want me to change a thing . I wish I felt the same way about myself .

The first two pictures are from my pregnancy, and the last two are 5 months pp .

Happy in My Skin (Ziona)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surrogacy, VBAC 8 Comments

I have given birth twice so far, once by c-section, and once vaginally. My youngest is 10 months old now, and I’m finally starting to feel happier in my new skin. I have stretch marks, cellulite, sagging breasts, bags under my eyes, and the c-section “flap”. I will probably start a dance exercise program (Zumba anyone?) because I still feel the urge to tone. But my stretched out belly is still beautiful, as my son can attest when he chooses to cuddle with it instead of his daddy. I still feel beautiful all over, because the most precious thing in my life considers me to be the end all of awesome! How can I feel bad about myself when someone so perfect thinks I’m the best EVER?? I honestly can’t. And I breastfeed, so while my breasts are no longer perky, they sustain my precious child and give him comfort. He spends hours a day coming over to me and begging for a sip or a snuggle, and it makes me feel great to be so wanted and needed, regardless of whether other people think I’m too fat.

I’m hoping to be a surrogate this year, so I think I’ll do an update if it’s successful on how I’m feeling about my body after giving someone who can’t have children the gift of life! I’m so excited!

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 and 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10 months

Almost There! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Original entry here.

Hi again everyone, at the time of my first submission I was about 146 lbs and just hating life altogether. I am now 130 lbs and a bit happier but still have a long way to go. I am still having trouble facing myself in the mirror and it sometimes prevents me from going to work or out of the house at all. I’m thinking I might seek help for this because I honestly feel miserable most of the time… improving physically has helped in a small way though :)

My daughter is almost 3 now and she is the happiest little girl ever, so I am very thankful for that. I just wanted to thank everyone for the support, without it I probably wouldn’t have made it this far. I know I don’t look all that different but I feel healthier so that’s a start! I’m hoping to be at my pre-pregnancy weight by the end of summer… so 2 more months to go to lose 15 or so pounds! I hope I can do it.

I will post another update when and if I make it. Bye for now.

Do I look pregnant? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Ectopic, Postpartum, Question, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 18 Comments

Hi Im really confused at this point and just want some honest opinions. I believe in “intuition” so somebody go there if you will. :)

Im a mother of 3..I had a tubal ligation in 1997 and I became pregnant again in 1999, it was ectopic and ended in surgery. I have not been worried about being pregnant again until now..I was told I had a cyst on my ovaries a few times..some very small ones but they cant ever really be sure if it was a permanent cyst or due to ovulation because both images were taken a few days before my cycle. Other than that I dont have any known conditions.

My question today is do I look pregnant or do you think I have something else causing great swelling. My stomach has continually grown over the last few months. I have taken several pics just to monitor it all but Im about to go crazy:) No positive urine test, although I had a very faint line one time I also had some opk tests which I used recently over a period of 3 days and all gave a line which I am told can sometimes detect hcg, I had an ultrasound earlier this month, it was the fastest one I ever had so I cant be positive she didnt miss anything but its said nothing was seen. The doctor noted my uterine lining was thicker than normal but could of been due to my cycle coming. I have not missed any cycles they have shortened and been less though. I have all other pregnancy symptoms such as bigger breast, heart burn, movement (quickening), cravings, tired and urinated like crazy (a few months ago), my hips have spread, and most of all I got a growing abdomen and a “crooked” darkened linea negra?

I would conclude this all in my head if only there was no movement, and no growing abdomen..So please anyone take a look and all ideas are welcome. The first pic is today 6/21/2010 The second pic is a combination of how my stomach looked in november 09 or so and 5/2010, and the last one is a few days ago 6/17. If anyone feels I am pregnant Im interested in why or how far u think ect?

Thank You, Babies (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 2 Comments

These are my previous posts:
2 Babies Later
Update
Second Update
Love Youself, Mama, Then Love Everything Else

Age: 22
# of Pregnancies: 3
# of Births: 2
-Rayden 8lbs 4oz 21 inches Dec 12, 2005
-Cairo Sofia 8lbs 7oz 21 inches June 23, 2009
How far PP: 12 Months

This is technically my 4th update, but my 5th post. It is officially 1 year post partum from having my last child, as of June 23rd. It’s definitely an accomplishment but also a moment of realization. I am no longer going to have babies in my house! I have done what my body was designed to do for 2 beautiful children, and now I can go on with watching them grow and become beautiful and amazing people. This brings me more joy than I can put into words. They are gorgeous and brilliant children that I am thankful for every day, every single day.

But now onto myself and the accomplishments I have personally gained. I have learnt to love my body, whether it is “flawed” or not. I love my body. It is beautiful and shows what hard work I
have put into having my children (BIG children at that, especially for my tiny stature of 4’11”!). After my first child, Rayden, now 4 ½ years old, I hated my body. I hated what pregnancy had done to my body and I didn’t dare look at myself nude. However, I was only 18 when he was born. Image was everything and the “right” image were those portrayed through magazines and such.

But once becoming pregnant with my 2nd and last child, Cairo Sofia, 1 year as of June 23, I all of a sudden adored my body. I loved looking at myself knowing I had another child growing inside of me. I would trace my stretch marks and embrace my loose skin. For whatever reason, I had a realization that my body was Beautiful. It is amazing and can do remarkable things that seem so bizarre.

Now that I look at myself at the 1 Year Milestone, I love myself even more. I love myself from the inside out. I am beautiful. My children are beautiful. And I would like to thank them for helping me to see true beauty. Thank you for allowing me to accept myself, “flaws” and all, but no longer view them as “flaws”. Because if it weren’t for the “flaws” you 2 beautiful children would not be here, gracing my life every day!

Thank You Babies!

Updated here.

Embracing My Stretch Marks (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 9 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 birth
Age of children: 2, 31 weeks Pregnant

here i am at 31 weeks with our second girl, contemplating my body. i had our first at 18. i was young and fit. no stretchmarks on my belly. after i had her, i got them on my breasts and hips. but i could handle that. eventually they faded to white. i struggled with weight- at my heaviest i was 180 at 5’7. barely overweight but enough to squander any confidence. after jade turned 2 years old, i start losing weight. not lbs, but inches. i felt comfortable in my body. attractive. confident.

just as i whittle my size down to a size 9 pant size, im pregnant again. it was unexpected, but nothing we couldnt handle. my first thought was “oh great. im going to get fat again.”

right now im 204, my heaviest ive ever been. i also got my first stretchmarks on my belly. they’re small and just pink. so im hoping that they’re going to heal quickly. before i got them, i had intentions of going out to the public pool and flaunt my beautiful pregnant body. this is a time where i dont have to suck in my gut or hide behind layers of clothes bc of cellulite. but when i got the marks, all of that was lost. i now swim with a tank top on.

the first time my fiance saw the stretchmarks, he asked me what they were. did i get them from laying on the couch? i was ashamed and embarrassed. i started sobbing and acting like a fool. he of course was confused. i explained to him that they were indeed stretchmarks. he hugged me and told me that i was still beautiful.

i dont feel beautiful. i have horrible acne on my face from the hormones. and im huge. everyone thinks im due next week bc of how big i am. i have the weird hanging fat under my belly. and then the stretchmarks.

i hope before the baby gets here, i can learn to embrace my stretchmarks. that i can learn to love my womanly body. the body i am meant to have. but i cant help but see and envy these celebrities who look like they’ve been pregnant.

Will I ever feel beautiful? (Catherine’s Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Spousal/Partner Abuse, Submissions 17 Comments

Age: 21
# Pregnancies/ Births: 1/1
Catherine is 2 1/2 months old.

I’ve read some wonderful stories about finding yourself beautiful AGAIN. But what do you do if you’ve never felt beautiful. I started feeling terrible about the way I looked at age 5. My father who was very mentally and physically abusive always said, “You are too ugly and useless to ever find someone to love you.” My whole life I’ve been mistreated by men. I’ve never been respected and there for have never really loved myself. Not once have I ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I look pretty today.” When I was 19, just 2 years ago, I married the guy I dated from the 2nd week of 10th grade. He cheated on me from day one, but every time I thought about leaving he said he loved me and I stayed. I knew I didn’t love him, but just not being alone was enough for me. Right after we married the physical abuse started and I stayed for awhile after that. I figured I deserved it and wouldn’t find any better. After all that’s what he told me. He would say,” You’re fat, ugly, and useless. No one else would ever want you. You’re used goods.” So I stayed with him for 3 months after we got married. Until I went to work one day and some of the guys I worked with saw a choke mark on my neck. They told me I was moving out that night. They helped me move out while my ex was at work aka at his girlfriend’s house.

I moved back home and 9 months later I found an old friend on myspace and we started talking. My friend and I were raised as practically family. His aunt was my mom’s best friend for about 16 years. When I found him I immediately planned a trip to see him. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in 6 years, because he was in the Air Force something was just telling me I needed to see him. Even though it was an 8 hr drive I had to do it. I visited him March 27th, 2009 and we’ve been in love every since. On July 25th, 2009 we started trying to have a baby knowing we were getting married August 8th. He was so cute about it. He even got on the computer and made out our baby making calendar. He had figured out my ovulation schedule and told me which days we could and shouldn’t have sex. We married on August 8th, 2009 and exactly one week later we found out I was pregnant. I knew about 3 months prior to our ultrasound that we were having a baby girl. Our little Catherine filled my dreams every night(the little that I slept). I was scared we were having a girl. I’m even more scared now that she’s here. I don’t want my daughter to feel the way I do. I want her to love herself and see herself as beautiful. How am I supposed to teach her to love herself when I can’t love myself. I have the most amazing husband in the world. He loves me unconditionally. He still finds me attractive,and he tells me all the time how beautiful I am. Unfortunately I just don’t see how he thinks that. I’m so lost at what to do. How do you decide to love yourself and the way you look?

Just some rambling,
Catherine’s Mommy

7 weeks postpartum with twin boys (Ash)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 17 Comments

Age: 25
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy 2 births
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 weeks

I had my twin boys at 38 weeks 1 day they were 6 lb 2 oz and 5 lb 5 oz, and perfectly healthy. I gained about 35 lbs with the pregnancy and I had to try pretty hard to put that weight on. I started my
pregnancy at 130 lbs (I’m 5’6″) and I currently weigh 134 and have been at this weight for about 5 weeks now. I seemed to lose most of my weight fairly quickly and was in my old jeans at 5 days postpartum.
Strangers tell me thing like “You look amazing” “Are these really your babies?” “You don’t even look like you’ve had one baby” Sounds great doesn’t it? Except those people don’t have to look at me naked.
I was left with a belly full of stretchmarks and a deformed belly button. I have been trying to not let my body get me down and today is the first day that I really feel hopeless and ugly, I really didn’t think it was THAT bad until I took the pictures. I wish I didn’t care, I wish I still felt beautiful, and I wish I appreciated my body more before. Luckily, my husband is wonderful, literally the best man in the world. He tells me I am more beautiful now than I have ever been, and I believe am to him (he has been very convincing), but I
certainly don’t feel beautiful at all. I got my first stretch mark when I was 30 weeks pregnant and I have not been comfortable in my skin since. I feel like I have a secret under my shirt something no one can ever see, and I am paranoid my shirt will ride up and expose it. During my pregnancy I would constantly think to myself “you are ruined” and “you will never be beautiful again” but I am glad to say I don’t feel entirely ruined, I did make two perfect boys.

I am hoping my skin will tighten up and my stretch marks will fade. How come the fat I have after pregnancy is so much softer than the fat before pregnancy? My belly always had a little bit of fat but it didn’t feel mushy like this. This fat hangs out over my pants and jiggles. I guess I should start a good workout program…

pictures 1-4 are me now, the 5th is a picture of my boys, the 6th is of my belly the day I delivered, and the 7th is my belly right after I found out I was pregnant.