Submissions

Loving my babies and hating my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 15 Comments

PREGNANCIES/BIRTHS: 2/2 (currently 10 weeks PP)

I have two beautiful kids. My daughter is 19 months and my son is 2.5 months. I love them more than anything else in the world, and I would never trade them for anything. That being said, I absolutely hate my body. I can’t even look in the mirror anymore. My husband says he loves me just the way I am. He calls my body “his artwork.” Maybe this is totally wrong, but sometimes I feel resentful toward him because I feel like I sacrificed so much to have our kids, and he didn’t really have to give up anything. I know that is part of being a mom and I shouldn’t be so selfish, but I just can’t help it. I feel disgusting and can’t afford plastic surgery or anything like that. I feel so alone sometimes in feeling like this, but I know that I am not. I just want to feel pretty again.

Is that a football in your belly? No, it’s just extra skin. (Erin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

My age: 34
# of pregnancies and births: 2, both by c-section
Children ages: almost 4 and almost 2

I’m not a tall woman. I stand at only 5′ 1/2″. I feel like I’ve always struggled with my weight. I have always worn C-D bra sizes, so I’ve always been pretty “gifted” in that area. As for everything else, I have always felt a little “fluffy”. Looking back at my “younger” pictures, I only now realize that I used to have a nice body… Hindsight – it’s a double edged sword, isn’t it…

I gained just about 29-35’ish lbs with both of my sons’ pregnancies. I BELIEVE my starting pre-pregnancy weight was around 135-140… I remember weighing in at 146 when I got pregnant the second time. I held at a pretty consistent 157-158lbs after the second son was born (up until a couple of weeks ago).
I have what I call a “fanny pack” – the nice loose skin that so many mothers talk about. Like I said, I call it a fanny pack, even though it kind of has the shape of a football… Neither create positive mental pictures.

I had started exercising, minimally and not consistently, and easily burnt out because the semi-dedication did not lead to the desired results… Who knew, right?

Over the past few weeks. I’ve invested in a stationary bike, which I try to ride at least for a little while each day, I’ve started walking about 2 miles per day, I use our in-home gym each night for minimal weightlifting, and then I close the day with various stretches. I’m trying to find a happy medium, something that will get me results and that will not lead to mental or physical burn out. As of right now, I’m weighing in at 152.8lbs and feel like I’ve started to tone up. I feel like it’s a good step, but I’m not sure if I’m going about things right or doing what I should be doing to see the maximum results for my efforts.

Oh, did I mention that I suffer from depression, anxiety, and multiple sclerosis? I was thinking that if I was exercising, I could probably get rid of my depression due to the extra endorphins, but that isn’t happening (found that out the hard way after just missing one “happy pill”). My doc tells me that the depression, though it might get a little better with the exercising, is probably here to stay due to the MS. Lovely… The multiple sclerosis also impacts overall energy – so if I over do something, I have difficulty walking and functioning for a good time afterwards. I am trying to incorporate new technologies (e.g. cooling vests) to hopefully prolong my energy during exercise, but it’s still in the experimental stages for me. Also with the MS, I have to take daily/nightly injections – rotating the “lucky” location each day. So each leg, arm, and hip, along with the stomach gets a turn to be tortured. The shots can range from not too bad to really quite painful and the affects can last for either hours or sometimes days. Also, because of the daily shots, there is a greater possibility of tissue loss – wonderful, huh? So, not only has pregnancy and childbirth played twister with my body, but now the shots are, too? Ugh… Just something else to look forward to…

I say all of the at to say that I really am trying now to lose weight an start to feel better about myself. I believe my mindset is finally where it needs to be to push myself to be able to see results, but I fear the mysterious uphill journey that I’m on is not as consistent as I’d like it to be. Again, I don’t want to do too much or become so overly obsessive, so that I can’t function or have a harder time functioning and staying true to a goal. I also don’t want to burn out, either mentally or physically, and just get so disheartened by the whole process. I want to see results, and I would LOVE to see the person I KNOW is possible to be reflected back to me in a mirror.

People used to find me attractive, and now, I even wonder if my husband, when asked/prodded, says he finds me attractive, pretty, and sexy only because he’s bound to think that by the matrimony vows we took, as well as because he’s a good guy. Would I do me? Nah, I don’t think so – not unless the room was very dark and I was laying 100% of the time on my back to call less attention to the fanny pack.

This past week, I made a consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon in town. He tooted his horn, telling me he could take 5-6″ off of my waist and by the time the tummy tuck and lipo procedures were done and healed from, I would be within 1-2lbs of my ideal weight… He told me I could have a flat stomach. That is something I’ve NEVER had – it’s just never been in my genes… To me, that would be the icing or the gravy – my main concern is my fanny pack… I want that GONE! I was really quite pleased that he complimented my hips and thighs – saying they would need no work, but then he threw out a “you have boy hips” comment. What the heck is that all about? I don’t want to look like some magazine super model girl, I just want to look like me – with less of a tummy!!!! So, after the consultation, I learned to that the cost of everything he wants to do to me is $8000!!!!! OUCH!!!!!

So, now I’m somewhat back to square one, looking for anything (suggestions, positive reinforcement, guidance) to help me feel better about myself and get to a happy place weight wise…

Help????

My bikini days are definitely over! (Stacey)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

I’m a 25 year old mother of 2 amazing little boys, and a gorgeous baby girl. I got pregnant at 18, and had my oldest at 19. I was 110lbs when I got pregnant with him, and when I had him was 153. I gained pretty much all in my stomach, and breasts. I have stretch marks from my breasts, to my knees.. Literally! I ended up having an emergency c section after 31 hours of labor. I used to think I was a failure because I could not dialate, and give birth the “normal” way, but I’ve honestly come to terms with that now. I had a pretty OK scar from my first birth. It never really bothered me. I did have a little extra skin from getting so big, then losing so much weight. I went back down to 107 shortly after I had him.. Then eventually settled at 115. Then I married the most incredible man a few years later.. I’ve known him my whole life, but had moved away when I was 12.. We reconnected because he had joined the Army and was stationed only a few hours from me. We got married in August of 08 and started working on adding to our family immediately. Got pregnant right away, but then we lost that baby shortly after finding out we were expecting. We got pregnant again a couple months later with our youngest little boy. He was born in July of 09 when I was 24. Then.. The extra skin that I had, turned into a FLAP! I was 120 when I got pregnant with him, and only got down to 130.. When he was 6 months old.. We got the crazy idea in our head to try for a little princess.. We tried one time, and I changed my mind on the timing.. But we found out a week later we were pregnant. We were still thrilled. I only gained 18 lbs with her. I figure it’s because of my Gestational Diabetes, and the medication I was on.. Not to mention I had a 5 year old and a little boy under a year to chase.

Anyway, we had our little girl in October 2010 (she’s 2.5 months old now) and I lost 28lbs total so far.. So I lost hers and my youngest sons pregnancy weight (thaaaaaaaank you breast feeding!) I honestly could care less about the stretch marks anymore… And I have a pretty gnarly scar from my second OB/GYN who just sliced however he felt at the time.. My 3rd OB/GYN tried to fix it.. But she could only do so much.. Still.. I’m not that bothered by the c section scars. It’s the extra skin that gets me so down. I have pretty much no self confidence anymore. I mean, I have a pretty face (or so I’m told) and my boobs.. Well they look good clothed anyway.. Of course they’re a little saggy from having 3 kids, but I’ll live.. But I literally have to tuck my stomach into my pants.. Sometimes it hurts, too.. From the scar, and the skin being pinched sometimes. I see a lot of girls who just snap right back like a rubber band after having a baby, and I just want to bawl up in a corner and cry. My husband is hardly ever home. He’s always deployed, serving our wonderful country. I’m so proud of him.. But when he is home, I just never want him to see me naked. He’ll want to keep the lights on when we’re intimate.. And I want it pitch black.

Am I ever going to be OK with the way I look? Is it ever going to get better? I really want to get a tummy tuck… But I’m also pretty sick of having surgeries. I want to say a quick thank you to the person who opened this web site though. I really felt alone in these feelings for years, but I see there are a lot of wonderful mommies out there going through what I am.. And it’s so amazing to see so much support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Age:25
Pregnancies: 4
Births: 3
Children: almost 6 years, 18 months, 2.5 months

Those are both after my second child.. I look the same now, but a little less weight.
My gorgeous children

Fourth Baby, Mixed Feelings (Elizabeth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 30 Comments

I am 28 weeks pregnant with my forth child, I never thought I would have a forth child. I met a man a year ago who I really fell for after being alone for 2 and a half years after a bad relationship.I was even going to marry him last September. A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant I called off the wedding. I had a gut feeling something was not right. He was not making sense sometimes and I felt like he was hiding something. I just found out two weeks ago that everything this man had ever told me was a lie. We have had no contact since. I don’t mind raising another child on my own, I have done pretty well with the three I have. I am concerned because this is the second time in a row that I became involved with a bad person. I feel like I should have learned. I am also concerned about my children not having fathers. My first two children were with my ex husband, who is terminally ill. he was diagnosed a year ago with colon cancer, which has since spread to his liver and lungs. It’s one of the scariest things I have ever dealt with, and we are taking it one day at a time. My children starting spending half their time with him this school year, and I miss them terribly when they aren’t here, but I know they want to be with him, and he deserves to see them as much as possible. My 3rd baby’s father was accused of molesting his step daughter from a pervious marriage, and I felt like I had no choice but to ask for supervised visitation, but he stopped going when she was 11 months old so she doesn’t know him. She is now three. I don’t know what is going to happen with the baby I am carrying and her father. He is a pathological liar, his other 2 children are being taken away, he is mentally unstable and I am scared of him.. I am still in shcok and very hurt and confused, but I have three beautiful children to keep me going. I feel very blessed for them.

I love all of my children with all of my heart. I want what is best for them. I feel like I would like to meet a nice man someday, but I have terrible luck in that department, and I am scared to take anymore chances for a long time. I am already very self conscious about my body from carrying 4 babies, and from being psychologically abused by my ex. I feel like I better just stay away from men, and enjoy my kids while they are with me, I know they grow so fast, my oldest is almost 14.

I like photography and I took this photo myself with my cameras self timer. I like this picture, the lighting is flattering and it made me feel a little better about myself. I wanted to share it, I love this site. I have posted 2 times before but the posts have been lost.

011311-elizabeth-1

Updated here.

Blessed and Tortured (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

Im 23 years old. I have a 3 year old son. I was 165 before pregnancy. 135 now.

I am blessed with an amazingly handsome 3 year old son and an equally amazing husband who I struggle with myself everyday. and hate that my stomach looks like a road map. Since finding this website, i’ve started to accept that i cannot change it any further than i have by healthy eating and exercise. Im learning to cope. Although i am my own worst enemy and frequently feel very depressed because of my stomach. Thank you for creating this website. I have been contemplating posting for a loong time now… well Here it goes!

Updated here and here.

Two More Photos and an Apology (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

Original entry here.

Just wanted to add these pics which better show the saggies and stretchmarks. All the pics except the pregnancy one were taken at about 6 months pp from my second child, the two most recent taken when I was lying down. I feel like I have offended people and I want people to see that I am not some airbrushed supermom who bounced right back, nor am I delusional and imagining the marks I am trying to learn to love.The whole intention of my post was lost I think, and for that I am sorry :(

Already Shaped Like a Mother (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Breasts, Submissions 16 Comments

First off let me say that my story is quite unusual. I’m 22 and I have never been pregnant, and I don’t plan on trying any time soon. However, I’ve always had body issues, and for some strange reason I found this site and got hooked. Many of you women are complaining about your saggy breasts and stretch marks AFTER having children, but I have never been pregnant and I have saggy breast and stretch marks already! I have never, ever been overweight (and I’m about 5’8” and I’ve been about 150 lbs for the last 10 years.) Although it is very, very hard, I’m actually learning to love my breasts and I want to encourage you mothers to be happy that you ever had perky breasts (unlike me ;-) and that your breasts can still be beautiful even if they’re saggy. I’ll probably post on here one day when I actually do have children, and hopefully I will be able to cope with my then, even saggier breasts.

– I know the quality of the pictures is not the best, but you get the point.
– In case your wondering, I’m African American, one breast is larger than the other, and my breasts are very light in color compared to my body (I have no idea why that is).

Trying Not To Be Sad, But I Just Can’t Help It (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 17 Comments

Age:22
1pregnancy/1birth
4 weeks PP

I was 21 when I found out I
was pregnant. The father & I had only been serious for about 6 months at the time, but he being 6 years older than me was ready to settle down & took the news better than I did. I never had a perfect body by any means, I am 5’4″ and fluctuated between 125-145 ever since I was 15 years old. I was just like any other girl my age and hated my body. Now looking back, I would pay any amount of money to have it again. I was a 36C and thought my boobs were saggy. Haha!! I clearly did not know the meaning. When I first found out I thought since I was so young I would gain the minimum amount of weight and I’d bounce right back to prepregnancy size.

Boy was I wrong!

On 11/18/2010 I went to my weekly check up (I was 38 weeks pregnant) Everything went just like any of the other appointments I had had. I was weighed, and at this point had gained exactly 40lbs. (putting me at 174) I got my cervix checked for dilation & was still 2cm which I had been for the past month. They asked me the normal questions… ‘have you felt the baby move today?’ and not really thinking anything of it I replied ‘no not yet today, she generally sleeps until about 4pm’ well, the doctor did not like the sounds of that. He sent me right over to the hospital where I was hooked up to all the monitors. They explained to me that I could choose to be induced but since my body technically wasn’t ready to give birth yet and given the size of the baby (according to my ultrasounds she was already about 9lbs) that there would be an 80% chance I would end up needing an emergency c-section. So I chose to just go ahead with the cesarean. At 11:47 that evening Kenleigh Madison was born at 8lbs9oz & 20 1/2 inches long. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on.

The recovery from the surgery really wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. I was up and walking 12 hours later and only ended up staying in the hospital for a total of 2 days.

Now I’m stuck staring in the mirror at this, for lack of a better word, this mess.

All the extra weight just sits around my mid section, my love handles, my ponch. Looking at myself truly grosses me out. I can’t fit into any of my clothes and it’s so frustrating because it’s literally just the one area. My legs and arms and face all shrunk back immediately. And the stretch marks under my belly button are so awful & painful the sight of them brings tears to my eyes. Even my belly button is twice it’s normal size! I wish I had at least tried to give birth vaginally, because I fear I will never be able to lose the baggage due to damage that has been done to my abdominal muscles. The scar itself doesn’t bother me, it’s low enough that it’s easily hidden. But everything else about my stomach is a nightmare. & my boobs!! I’m 22 and now have the breasts of a 40 year old. I just fear that my boyfriend will lose interest. If not because of my body, than because of my lack of confidence. And I just can’t help it. We’ve talked about marriage before & during my pregnancy and I’m afraid that now that he sees what my body looks like that he will think twice and not propose.

The pictures I’ve included are:
1)my body prepregnancy
2) about 9 months pregnant
3) the 1st time I held my beautiful baby girl
4) Kenleigh a day old
5&6) my body 4weeks PP
7) my scar

My Fiancee Loves My Womanly Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

Some days I feel like a beautiful Greek statue. I am 5’2″ and 190 lbs. I am afraid to lose wt bc I like being soft but I need to get down to 145 for my health and confidence. I am the mother of Irish twins and they are 10 mos apart. I got stretch marks everywhere and sometimes they bother me and sometimes they dont. They have faded a lot but my tummy overhang bothers me and I did not have a c section. I have worked hard me and my fiancé work opposite shifts full time and go to school full time but we know it will be worth it for our family. We should all just aim to be well and healthy and educated and not worry about keeping up with the jones or glamour magazine. Ps I love that I have dimples in my bum and my cheeks on my face! Side note I am a licensed massage therapist working in womens wellness and plan to incorporate this site into my work with new moms. I am 23.

Updated here.

Update Baby #2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Since my last entry I have had another baby! My little girl was born 4 days early so that was exciting for us and she weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. With my first pregnancy I gained 55 pounds and found it took alot of hard work to get my body back. This time I worked out my entire pregnancy and ate super healthy. I gained 21 pounds the second time around. My body really snapped back super quick this time so that was nice! It was a bit of an adjustment at first going from one child to two children, but things are going super well now! My son loves being a big brother and my little girl is getting so chubby already. Below is a picture of my belly at 39 weeks pregnant and another picture at 12 days post partum. I am now 7 weeks post partum and pretty much look and weigh the same as I did 12 days after giving birth.

Thanks to all the other moms for sharing your stories! And thank you Bonnie for creating this website. I have been coming to it for years now and I think it’s absolutely amazing and inspiring to all women, :)