Postpartum

Don’t Buy the One-Piece Swimsuit (Kyla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 17 Comments

I am 23 years old, my daughters are 18 months and 3 1/2 months. I was very lucky to have two, as my midwife said, ‘boring’ pregnancies without any complications or issues. I gained just under 20 lbs in each pregnancy, and it was all baby-weight and I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly. I had my first daughter six weeks after I wrote my last exam in my undergrad and my second 15 months later, neither of them were planned. these girls are the center of my world – in both good and bad ways!

I always had body image issues since I hit puberty and I had just reached a point where I was beginning to feel comfortable with myself when I got pregnant. I felt better than ever in both my pregnancies, I was so proud of my belly. Baby bellies are viewed differently in this society than they used to be even one generation ago, when women felt they had to cover up their bellies and wear long circus-tent type clothing, but now the thinking is to flaunt and show off your belly, and big bellies are revered and praised. But the post-partum belly is not socially acceptable in our culture, we are taught to hide our bodies now. Going from the one extreme to the other is a big gap for any woman to jump.

After my first daughter was born I ‘bounced back’ pretty quickly and everybody was praising me on how great I looked. I didn’t feel great and I didn’t want them to praise me. When somebody said to me “oh you look great! Look how fast you bounced back to normal!” it made me fear for the other women who don’t go back to their pre-pregnancy size or shape, because the people who praised me are helping to set that unwritten standard of whats okay to look like and whats not okay to look like. I don’t want to be praised because this only helps cement this divide and illuminate the repression of other body shapes. I don’t think women need any more reason to compare themselves to one another or feel like they aren’t good enough. I feel like, in this culture, once you have stretch marks and a post-baby belly, you have suddenly become a lower class of person because you don’t have a body that looks like a La Senza ad.

Even though people praised me, I hated my stomach. I had some stretch marks on my stomach and breasts and the elasticity of my skin and muscle is gone, and I blamed my daughter for ‘ruining’ me. Before pregnancy I used to model but I couldn’t go back to this because I had become ‘undesirable’ now. I stopped swimming, I awoided mirrors, I even had a period of time, after both pregnancies, where I wouldn’t let my partner see or touch me. I tried not to see my own body. I tried not to let anybody else see my body. I felt like (and still do feel this way) nobody could find me attractive again. I don’t beleive my partner when he tells me that not only am I still attractive, but I am now more attractive than ever because my belly brought him his daughters.

We went to Florida when my first daughter was 8 months old and this was the first time that i was going to be in a swimsuit in public. I couldn’t do it – I had a bikini and I wore it under my clothes but I couldn’t bring myself to take off my shirt and expose my skin. I felt like I shouldnt put other people – strangers – through seeing my stomach, like I should follow this unwritten rule that now I had a baby, I should buy that one-piece swimsuit and never subject my ugly, ruined ‘not a La Senza ad’ body to anybody. I had never felt so ashamed of my body before as I did on that day I sat on the beach and watched everybody else swim. Later I cried about how ugly I was.

I feel like there is this game that women are taught to play which is based on ever-changing rules of opression. I am calling this the ‘one-piece swimsuit game’ because as soon as you have a baby, you are supposed to go buy that one-piece swimsuit because you are taught that you are suddenly too ugly, having lost the shape, look and elasticity of your pre-baby body. I dont know who taught us that was something we had to do, that now we needed to hide, but whoever it was needs a good kicking. I feel like every woman has followed this stupid rule so dutifully and unquestioningly that nobody has ever raised enough fuss to make us wake up and realize that we don’t need to do it at all. It shouldn’t be painful like this. I shouldn’t have been taught this hurtful game, and neither should any of you. I don’t want to watch my daughters and your daughters fall into this game either.

And in the same way that people praising me for ‘bouncing back’ is hurtful for other women who don’t ‘bounce back,’ I don’t want to contribute to teaching other women either that they need to play the one-piece swimsuit game by starting to wear the one-piece swimsuit myself. I don’t want that one-piece swimsuit, I don’t want to show other woman that I too, felt the need to hide myself cause it will teach other women and young girls how to play this game of oppression as well. I don’t want my daughters to feel like when they grow up and have their own children, they need to suddenly switch to a one-piece swimsuit, too.

So I’ll make a promise if you will too – I want out of this female oppression game so I will not play the ‘one piece swimsuit game’ anymore if you wont either. you hear that? I’m opting out, I can only loose at this stupid game and its never been fun anyway, so I’m not playing anymore.

Update (Elivert)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Hispanic, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Original post here.

PP: 9 MONTHS
AGE: 21

After my first post I have had many changes in my life, I have a beautiful baby I love and a wonderful husband that every day brings more smiles and joy in my life and supports me unconditionally with my new body and outlook on life , because we are now parents and husband and wife.

I feel changes every day and sometimes I feel as sexy as before my pregnancy, but I look in the mirror and says, “wake up from that dream, hellooooo” and so are sometimes but I say, every woman has her charm and I’m happy with my life, my husband and my daughter that changed my life forever. Thank God Dagny is a healthy baby from birth, and it was what she loved most in my pregnancy and measures the effects on my body and so what would happen next LOL My fatty national of 10 Lbs. cesarean and every day agradesco for my baby and my husband to make me really alive and forget for a few hours of vanity. Of course the inside completely changed my life and my body is part of it too, as time goes by my appearance is improving and I am more satisfied and used to my stretch marks, I’m almost at my pre-pregnancy weight and a longer maybe lose more before another baby, but I’m still terrified, I think it will wait for the next 5 years LOL

Mothers here I leave my recent photos of my wonderful body hahaha LMAO Just kidding, but it has served to give life and show it proudly :)

Feel alone, but trying to stay positive. (Sophia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

Its been 4 months since i had my baby boy , hes my everything my whole world, But i cant help feeling so upset about my body now and could really use somone to talk to, Im 18 years old and had my boy by c section its left me whole body in a state i feel disgusting, i look at other mothers and see that i look the worst out of any of them and i just wonder if i will ever look okish again, I am no longer with my babys dad and i just wonder if anyone could ever love somone who looks so hideous, I plaster my face in make up and have hair extensions just to make some part of me look decent at all, i used to be so outgoing but now i just think people are staring and i get so worried about it, I just want to feel confident again. I love my little boy and i wouldnt change a thing, just want to feel happy in my own skin and not want to be desprate for surgery. :(

Mother of one

Irish twins and a body that will never be the same (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 24
Number of Pregnancies: 2, Births 2

I have always been very skinny, being a gymnast I basically lived in a gym. I did gymnastics in college, which is were I met my husband. I got pregnant with my first child my jr year of college. She was a surprise as I had an IUD (copper), My body rejected it and I had to get it removed. I found out a month later I was 6 weeks pregnant with my peanut. I had a very stressful pregnancy, my husband was in the middle of a messy divorce, I was trying to finish school, and working. The pregnancy was very hard on my body, I was so sick the first three months I vowed to never have another child again. Before I got pregnant I was 118 pounds at 5’6 inches tall. I gained 54 pounds with my daughter most of which was water. I didn’t get a single stretch mark till after I had her, in a matter of a few days about 5 to be exact I lost 40 pounds my stomach shrank to quickly that I got shrink marks. ( as my husband calls them) After I had my daughter I was in love, I had never felt that instant love with someone before. I could hold her and stair at her for hours, she was my baby, and I loved her.

When she was three months old, my husbands company got sold and he was laid off. Three weeks before he was laid off I found out I was pregnant again, even though I was on birth control. My family wanted me to get an abortion since I was in my senior year of college and he had lost his job. I made the appointment but couldn’t go through with it. I have always felt that God has a plan, and he never gives me anything I can not get through. Even though I went through alot. We ended up moving from NC, to NJ where he finally got a job. He moved 2 months before I did, because I had to finish up my last semester in college. I was so stressed out, caring for a baby, being pregnant, finishing up school, applying for grad schools, having to pack our whole house, and move us alone. It was a lot. When I got to NJ, I didn’t know anyone. It was Dec 1st and freezing. I quickly joined a gym, as I have always loved to work out. With my son I gained 30 pounds. My delivery was pretty funny. I actually kicked the doctor out of the room b/c he wanted to give me a C-section for his own selfish will. I had a baby 11 months prior I knew what I was doing. I’m not sure if anyone else has exspeanced NJ doctors, but they are not the brightest of the bunch. The doctors did not listen to me when I said I needed to push, they told me it was two soon and they just checked me I was only 5 CM and that he wasn’t ready yet. I yelled at the nurse and told her he was coming, she tried to prove me wrong by checking to tell me I was still only 5 cm, and his head was crowning. She told me not to push, b/c the doctor was getting an OR. When your baby is right at the end you can not, not push, it is physcially impossible. He was out two seconds later, I pulled him out and held him right away. He screamed and latched on to feed before he was even cleaned off. He was my baby boy.

After I had my son I was ready to get back in the gym, with my daughter I was able to work out 2 days after she was born, but I felt so sick and run down with an almost 1 year old, and a newborn. IT took about 2 weeks before I got back into the gym. I did and still do work out 2 hours a day, 6 to seven days a week. It is Me time. With two babies, two step children, a house, husband, and grad school, I need me time, or I will explode… I’m only 24, that is a lot to take on. My sisters have been angry with me for working out, they don’t understand the good feelings that I get from working out. I don’t drink, I don’t go out, I don’t party, or do anything that my friends my age do. Yet they think it would be more exseptable to drink everyday then to go to the gym. NOw I don’t workout for the satisfactory of looking good, I just really enjoy working out. It makes me feel great, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I lost all my baby weight after about 3 months. Went back to a size zero, and started to look like my old self again. However, my boobs have dropped, they use to be “porn star” like according to my husband and they now look like tear drops. My stomach skin will never go away, when I bend over it makes a gross feeling flap. I have stretch marks on my stomach, which I have grown to love because they are my daughter, when she gets older I can tell her that they are for her. I hate that my body will never be the same. I know I look good for having two babies back to back, but i’m so use to a different body.

Two pics are me 40 weeks pregnant with my son
One pic is from when I was 6 months PP

Growth (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 32
Number of pregnancies and births: Three pregnancies. Two births.
Number of Children: Two children. Ages 4.5 and 1.5
All photos have been taken 16 months after the birth of my second child.

I feel compelled to post here again because of how the site has grown.
Because of how I have evolved.
Because of how we-as women, as peers, as supporters of one another-have strengthened in mind and numbers.

My home is full of noise and I am full of pride.
My two beautiful children continue to teach me:

To slow down.
To listen.
To breathe.

I continue to tell myself to accept myself.
And I am. I am trying.

This thanksgiving may we all give thanks for the network we have created.
That we are creating.

Be kind to one another.
Fight for one another.
Love one another.

Love our children.
Love our children.
Love our children.

What Makes Me Valuable? (Ginni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions

I’m much more superficial than I care to admit, even to myself. I’ve always talked a lot about how looks don’t matter, but it’s easy to say that when you’re skinny without even trying to be. When my husband and I started trying to have a baby, I was thrilled, but I secretly freaked out. I cried and had thoughts like, “I should have waited and had more fun before ruining my body.”

At some point I accepted that my body might never be the same. Immediately after giving birth, I was horrified by my body–my stomach felt like a deflated balloon, my bellybutton poked out, I couldn’t fit my rings onto my fingers. But I was also madly in love with my daughter and wondering how life could ever have existed without her. In the days after her birth, I told my husband, “If my body looks like this for the rest of my life, it will be so worth it to have her.”

Over the next few weeks, I was excited to find my body returning to normal. That was when I started hearing comments. Inevitably, it was “I hate you.” It’s always said in a meant-to-be-joking way, but with an undercurrent of truth. It hurts me more than it should and makes me feel like I don’t have a right to be insecure about the ways that my body HAS changed. My breasts are loose and saggy after a feeding and I know that’s how they’ll look when I’m done nursing. My old jeans give me a muffin top. I worry that when I get pregnant again in a year or two, my body won’t “bounce back” the way it did this time. Even more than that, it worries me that I care so much. I don’t want my happiness to be tied to what I think I “should” look like. And most importantly, I don’t want my sweet girl to learn from me that she has to look a certain way if she’s going to love herself.

Pictures: 37 weeks pregnant; 1 month postpartum; my daughter at 7 weeks

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1

Finally Coming to Terms with My Body (TMB)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

Growing up, I was always the skinny girl. As a teenager, I was 5’7″ and weighed 114 lbs. I never worked for it, I was just always skinny. I was a late bloomer so when I finally got curves and boobs, I loved wearing tight clothes and nothing made me happier than being able to wear a bikini. I got married to my high school boyfriend when I was 18 and when I was 21, we welcomed our first son. It was a fairly typical pregnancy and I didn’t get any stretch marks—until my ninth month. I was disappointed about that but after he was born, I slimmed down quickly and ended up being a size six, where as before I was a size four. Although I didn’t like the excess skin on my stomach or my slightly saggier boobs, I was thrilled with my new look. I finally looked like a woman; I had filled out a little bit and looked healthier. Then two years later, I had our second son. This pregnancy was a lot like my first, although my stomach got huge and I got even more stretch marks on there. After my second son was born, I assumed that I would slim down quickly like I did with my first pregnancy but no such luck. When I was still wearing maternity pants a month later, I went jeans shopping and was shocked when I fit into a size twelve. I cried and refused to buy any. But a month or so later, I couldn’t justify wearing maternity pants anymore and finally bought some in a size ten. It took over a year for me to get down to 134 lbs and a size eight, which is my current weight and size. For my height, that’s actually pretty healthy but I still hated my body. The sagging boobs bothered me but nothing bothered me more than my stomach. It was flabby, covered in stretch marks and I hated the way it stuck out when I sat down. It took my husband deploying and us having Skype “dates” for me to finally realize that my body isn’t horrible looking; it’s actually quite nice looking and I appreciate that it’s what brought my children into this world. I’ve begun to embrace my new shape and curves, stretch marks and all and although I have plans to improve it after I’m done having children, I no longer yearn for my pre-baby days and I can look at before pics of myself without feeling bad about how I look now. I still have bad days but they’re becoming less frequent. My husband is my biggest post baby fan; he loves my body and is forever telling me how sexy I look and for the first time since having my second son, I’m starting to see it too.

Age: 26
Number of Pregnancies and Births: 2
Age of My Children: 5 and 3, 3 years postpartum

Moving On (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update

Previous post here.

1 Vaginal Birth
1 Pregnancy
20 months PP
Age 22

After my first post, I wasn’t going to post again until after having a second child, to see where I was and how I felt about my body after having 2 children. But I feel like I need to share what has happened with me since posting at 5 months PP. My husband deployed when our daughter was 9 months old, and it was shortly after that, that I found out he was viewing/watching porn. Its impossible to explain the feelings of grief, of disbelief, of betrayal and of unbelievable hurt. I didnt believe it at first, thought it was a joke or I was seeing things wrong. The image of the naked blonde woman I found is forever burned in my head. I confronted him, and of course, this was all done via email as I had no other way to speak with him. He admitted that he had been struggling with it for years, and would look at it off and on. This was the man who was so romantic and loving while we dated, and promised to love me and cherish me at our wedding, how could he DO this to me! I wont deny that my first thought was I was done with him, I wanted to take my daughter and leave him. After weeks of being angry and hurt, I realized that I still loved him and really wanted to make our marriage work. I told him he needed to stop and stop and stop now, get help, find an accountability partner, install anti-porn software, anything to stop. Five months later he returned home from deployment and I was sure I would never be able to be intimate with him again. Our first night together he told me he was sorry, told me he had never cheated on me, other then with the porn viewing, and that he still loved me. We have been able to be intimate again, although sometimes I confess it is difficult for me. We went through some counseling and I installed a porn blocker on the computer, that only I know the password to. Some days I feel fine, like it was all a dream, like I have forgiven him and some days I am suspicious and still angry and hurt. I couldnt decide if it was better to know all the details or not, I didn’t know to what extent he was doing it and what he had seen. I would occasionally check his email, check his computer history and files, and I don’t feel guilty about that, he lost his right to privacy and to be trusted when he broke my heart. A few nights ago I came upon his google history, going back I could see that since I had confronted him he hadn’t googled anything porn related, but beyond that date, I found so many pictures and images and porn related searches. It made me want to vomit. I felt that he didnt truly understand the hurt I felt, that his looking at other women and lusting for them, was as good as cheating to me. I confronted him once again, which resulted in tears and a few more confessions. At this point I am still looking to make our marriage work, I’d like to have more children and am working on trusting and forgiving again. My body image is terrible. I have been breastfeeding now for 20 months and feel like my breast are small and deflated, my stomach isnt flat like I’d want it to be, my butt shrunk after pregnancy and is no longer round and perky, my legs are gross. I want to get over it, to love my body for giving me my daughter and being healthy but I know it isn’t like the airbrushed perfect women my husband has seen. I just want to get past this.

Updated here.

Trapped in a Vicious Cycle (Rachel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

Growing up I was always a skinny kid. I could eat the fattiest, greasy or sugar laden food in excessive quantities and not gain a pound. When puberty hit, I was blessed even more with the genes from my father’s side of the family, and grew big full breasts. Of course with puberty, comes a bit of weight gain and at 5’4″ and 105lbs at 14 years old, I looked healthy. Or so I thought. Some of the other girls called me fat and chubby, I’m guessing because they didn’t develop as much as I did. But that didn’t stop me from becoming self conscious and eventually developing an eating disorder.

Years later, I finished growing, left high school and met who is now my ex fiance. I was 5’7″ and 105lbs once again. The relationship I managed to get myself into was emotionally abusive. He’d call me a whale, should keep my clothes on, he could do so much better.. But since I was so used to the insults growing up, I didn’t think it was anything unusual. I yo yo’d between 105 and 95lbs. When I discovered I was pregnant 4 years into the relationship, I was 5ft7 and 104lbs.

I gained 54lbs during the pregnancy. I hated myself. I figured if I was fat at 105lbs then I must be morbidly obese at 159lbs. I delivered a 7lb 9oz girl in October 2006. My body hasn’t been the same.

I have stretch marks all over my bum, breasts, thighs and calves. My stomach is flabby and I can’t lose the last 10lbs no matter what I do. My once firm perky breasts are now deflated and sad looking. I have cellulite that just won’t leave.

I’m now married to a very loving man who thinks I’m beautiful and sexy. He has been trying for the last 3 years to build up my confidence, and it’s so strange to me to have someone that compliments me everyday. I can tell it bothers him when I disagree with his compliments, or he tries to touch my belly or bum and I push him away and get upset.

I thought after 5 years I would have at least accepted myself. Instead, I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of self loathing and depression. Maybe one day confidence will come back to me.

I have attached pictures of my belly and breasts at 5 years post partum.