Adjusting to the Changes (mommy2m)

Age: 19
# of pregnancies and births: 1
7 days Postpartum
Prepregnancy weight: 155 lbs End of pregnancy weight: 197.8 lbs Current weight: 178 lbs
Height: 5’1″

My husband and I have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. We moved in with each other when I was 17 and planned to get married sometime within the next year. A few months after I turned 18, I experienced some burning while I peed and figured I had a UTI. The burning got worse and I started to feel a cramping sensation and I got concerned that it may have become a bladder infection. My husband (at the time he was my boyfriend,) took me to the emergency room where they took a urine sample and gave me a room to wait in. When the doctor came back, she asked me if there was any way I could be pregnant, and of course I was shocked and said no. She took a blood sample to confirm the urine result, and it came back positive. I was so shocked and scared that i immediately left the hospital against medical advice (she wanted to do an ultrasound.) The next day I got my antibiotics for the UTI and started doing a lot of thinking. We decided that we wanted this baby, despite how hard it might be to maintain going to college (which I started when I was 16,) raising the baby, etc. In June I had my first appointment with an OB and got to hear my son’s heartbeat for the first time. I found out I would be due to give birth on January 15th, 2012. When I was 28 weeks, I decided I wanted a natural birth at a birth center with a midwife. I found a wonderful midwife who was 100 times what my OB ever was. She was amazing!!

My water broke on January 11th, 2012. My labor did not start on its own so my midwife began natural induction methods. I did two rounds of castor oil, lots of breast pumping, walking, homeopathics, accupuncture, blue and black cohosh, several other labor tinctures, pineapple, accupressure… We literally tried everything possible and none of it started labor. On January 12th around 5 pm, we had to discuss transfer to a hospital for induction. She had given me more than the 24 hours they are supposed to allow for labor to start, and nothing had happened. I was 5 cm and 90% effaced, but I had been like this for about 2 days with no sign of active labor starting. I arrived at the hospital around 6:00 pm and at 7:30 pm, they started the Pitocin. My midwife, husband, mother and a very close cousin of mine all remained with me and supported me through my labor. I went 6 hours on Pitocin without the epidural using the hypnobirthing method, but when they upped the dose for the third time, I couldn’t tolerate the pain any longer. The contractions were coming at about 30 seconds apart and lasting over a minute long, and the back labor pain never went away. I thought I had to have reached transition and had the nurse check me. After 6 hours of Pitocin, I had not dilated at all, I was still at 5 cm and my cervix hadn’t thinned anymore. I was SO disappointed and the contractions just kept getting worse til I was pretty much just screaming non-stop. The birth ball no longer helped me, hip squeezes weren’t easing the pain, nothing was helping. My midwife suggested that I get the epidural saying that maybe my inability to relax was causing me not to dilate. After about 30 minutes of consideration, I did decide to get the epidural. The nurse checked me about 10 minutes after I received the epidural and I had dilated 2 cm already. After that I was able to relax and get some rest and they continued to up the dose of Pitocin (which my son was handling extremely well. His heart rate remained steady the entire time.) Around 5:45 am I called the nurse in and told her I felt the urge to push and was feeling a lot of pressure in my vaginal area. My son was starting to descend. She didn’t want me to start pushing yet because the OB was not there (another patient of his at the same hospital was delivering her baby when I wanted to start pushing,) but I pretty much told her I was going to push with or without her. She stayed with me and at 6 am after having the epidural stopped, I started pushing. Pushing was the most physical effort I have ever put into anything. When my son started crowning all I could think of was the incredible pain I was feeling. The nurse was doing perineal massage the entire time I was pushing, which really was super uncomfortable and somewhat painful. However, I really feel she stopped me from getting external tearing. My husband, mom, and cousin (my midwife had to go home around 4 am because of issues with her daughter,) all supported me so much through my whole labor but especially during pushing. All of their encouragement really helped me stay strong and push with all my might despite the discomfort and exhaustion I felt. The OB arrived when my son’s head was halfway out. My son was coming out in a twisted posterior position and with his hand by his hand so the OB acted quickly and twisted my son’s body into the proper position which helped me bring my son into the world within the next 30 seconds. As soon as my son came out, he was placed on my chest while the OB checked me for tearing and monitored my bleeding and placental delivery. All I could think about was how perfect my little boy is and how happy I was to finally have him here! The OB did find 2 2nd degree internal tears, which he quickly stitched up (I only need one stitch for each tear.) I am so excited to have my son!!!!!

However, I’m not sure how I feel about my body. I gained 43 pounds with pregnancy and have lost about 20.I have minimal stretch marks that seem like they’d be pretty hard to see with a little bit of tanning. But my stomach feels like a deflated balloon and my thighs feel like jelly. I like my breasts. They’ve always been big and perky, and now they’re just bigger, which I don’t mind haha. But I can’t get over my stomach and the weird linea nigra i got which sort of curves around my bellybutton (which I’m hoping will go away,) and the ugly scar I have from the bellybutton piercing I had until I was 5 months pregnant. I feel like there is no way my husband could still find me sexy, even though he tells me that he thinks I’m even sexier now. I guess I should believe him because he hasn’t changed his sexual tendencies (he’s always been really um sexually amped up lol, he has a serious libido,) but I guess I just can’t see what he finds sexy and it’s upsetting to me. I plan to start working out today, starting with just some light yoga and a long walk with the baby (if he’s happy,) and up the intensity in the coming days and weeks. Hopefully i’ll be back here soon with more confidence!

First pic: 36 weeks pregnant
Second pic: 7 days postpartum
Third pic: 7 days postpartum
Fourth pic: My son!
Fifth pic: My husband and son

Update (Elivert)

Original post here.

AGE: 21

After my first post I have had many changes in my life, I have a beautiful baby I love and a wonderful husband that every day brings more smiles and joy in my life and supports me unconditionally with my new body and outlook on life , because we are now parents and husband and wife.

I feel changes every day and sometimes I feel as sexy as before my pregnancy, but I look in the mirror and says, “wake up from that dream, hellooooo” and so are sometimes but I say, every woman has her charm and I’m happy with my life, my husband and my daughter that changed my life forever. Thank God Dagny is a healthy baby from birth, and it was what she loved most in my pregnancy and measures the effects on my body and so what would happen next LOL My fatty national of 10 Lbs. cesarean and every day agradesco for my baby and my husband to make me really alive and forget for a few hours of vanity. Of course the inside completely changed my life and my body is part of it too, as time goes by my appearance is improving and I am more satisfied and used to my stretch marks, I’m almost at my pre-pregnancy weight and a longer maybe lose more before another baby, but I’m still terrified, I think it will wait for the next 5 years LOL

Mothers here I leave my recent photos of my wonderful body hahaha LMAO Just kidding, but it has served to give life and show it proudly :)

Not Giving Up and Acceptance (Alex)

Name: Alex
Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2 Births: 2
DD1: 3 yrs old
DD2: 1 yr old

I’m so glad I found this website. I have been looking for a site like this for a little while now because I want to know more about other real women out there and their experiences (not celebrities-they don’t count and real) and to talk about my own experience. I want to know what other real women experience. Most of the time I feel like “I’m the only one” and I know I am not.

I had my first daughter at age 27. My husband and I planned the pregnancy. Overall I really wanted to have a baby mostly because I just love my husband so much and I want not just have any baby but HIS baby. I feel so proud and blessed to have him in my life. We were so excited when we had her. I remember it was 8 am when we started heading to the hospital to have her. We just keep looking at each other with excitement like “it’s finally happening” lol. Prior to being pregnant I felt beautiful and sexy. I didn’t have a perfect body by any means but I sure felt good about myself. I wore beautiful clothes, sexy lingerie and I just felt GOOD, you know? That all changed the day I had my daughter. It was amazing how I went from feeling like one of the most beautiful women to feeling like I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror, that bad! I also feel like I have aged 10-12 years in a matter of 3 years. How can this be so? I feel old. I feel all my youth and beauty has left me. I hate taking pictures and I’m embarrassed when I see people that I haven’t seen in a long time because I figure they must be thinking “wow, she’s so fat now”. Pre-baby I weighed around 125 lbs on average and I’m 5’4 so not bad. I’m hispanic so it comes with the territory of being a little thicker and that’s ok. I want to look like I did just 3 years ago. Even when I was 5 months pregnant in my 1st pregnancy I looked like a baby. I look at the pictures and it’s amazing. I was 27 at the time and looked more like I was 18. Now I’m 30 and I feel like I look 40. During the 1st pregnancy I gained 41 lbs. At my highest I was 171 lbs. When I left the hospital I had only lost 1 lbs! Huh? 1 lbs after having a baby how is this even possible? It took about 6-7 months before I started loosing some weight. In total I lost about 25 lbs of the 41 that I gained but I was starting to look alright. I thought ok this is going well, next thing you know I was pregnant again with DD2.

So needless to say DD2 was not planned. I was so disappointed because I thought, great, now I’m going to gain more weight on top of what I already have! So with DD2 I reached 181 lbs. She will be 1 yr old next month and today I weigh 163 lbs. It’s a constant Struggle. Most of all I hate the feeling of not being happy with myself because overall I think it affects my daughters and one day I will regret not taking pictures with them because I feel fat and ugly. They deserve better but how do I get over this feeling? Everyday I try my best to eat healthier, low calorie, low fat in an attempt to get back to the old me and I wonder at what point will I finally be satisfied and be happy with myself?

Recently I ran into a former co-worker who has a 7 month old son. She is a thick woman, by no means fat or overweight but a little thicker and rounder I’d say. So when I saw her, I thought wow! Now how come she looks like she is back to her regular weight? She looked great and here I am with a belly still popping out a year later. Not only that but my lower abs are a little saggy, stretch marks on my waist etc…I work in the Fashion Industry and I would say most women in this industry don’t have kids and the ones that do come back to work looking like they’d never been pregnant to begin with, makes me look like there’s something wrong with me. And I get these thoughts that maybe my husband is embarrassed too when we go out. He’s the type that loves me to dress up, get my hair done, nails, the whole bit. But when nothing fits what’s the point. I still need to have that husband that is attracted to me. Feels like I’m letting him down. Don’t get me wrong he’s a sweet heart but maybe I’m not meeting his expectations.

So I’m gonna brave this out and post some pictures because after all this site is about sharing and I want to be one more ‘real woman’.