Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement

The Shape of Our Hearts (Christina Plant)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Hips, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 28 Comments

age: 35
pregnancies 3
births 3
childrens ages: 14, 12, 9 (all boys!)
(this makes me nine plus years postpartum)

There is a fire in all of us. Sometimes I only have enough to keep the pilot light on. Sometimes I’m a torch. A bonfire. Sometimes, I am a wildfire- unruly and all-consuming.

I’ve been a mother for almost 14 years- I suppose it’s more accurate to say almost 15 years- how could I leave out the 9.5 months of my first pregnancy! I have three sons and the age span between the oldest and youngest is less than 5 years.

Today I am on fire! High and blazing. Excited and eager to live and breathe and make each day count. I make fitness a high priority, but I find that the aesthetic benefits are just a side affect of what taking care of my body does for me. I like feeling good in my own skin and when women ask me how it is that I am in such good shape after having 3 kids I do not hesitate to say “I work my ass off” with a totally straight serious face. That is exactly what I do. I’m a runner. I run about 20-30 miles a week. I MAKE the time for it- it’s as important as wiping my butt, or brushing my teeth or taking a shower. While we could survive without doing these things, if we fail to do these things regularly, we put our health at risk. I feel the same way about exercise. It’s an important part of maintaining your life. I also watch my diet- I make healthy choices and enjoy treats and indulgences about once a week. I keep anything that I absolutely love devouring out of my home.

I can’t help but notice that I’m in better shape than most of my oldest son’s female friends. I’ve heard people say to him “is THAT your mom?” and I must admit, it gives me a confidence boost.

There have been times when my fire was weak. I was that down, self-deprecating out of shape woman that looked at fit women and wondered if I would EVER feel or look as good as they do. I thought they had some special gift that I did not. Genetics. Will power. Money to hire a trainer or a personal chef. Blablablabla. But they aren’t special. They’re no better or worse than you or I. You cannot see inside their hearts. They may be fit for the wrong reasons. None of us are perfect. The photos you see that show flawless bodies are like a mirage. They aren’t real. What truly matters is what is in your heart. How is your fire? Does it burn for you and your passions and your goals, whatever they might be?

You can’t show the “shape” of a person’s heart in a photo. But if we wanted and if we are brave, we can show our hearts by showing who we really are. Some of the “worst looking” photos of me capture priceless moments. Who cares if it’s taken at a bad angle or my hair is unkempt? Did you ever stumble across a social network profile and notice that EVERY photo of that person shows them with flawless makeup, perfectly groomed, at their best angle, or smiling just perfectly? What does it mean when we hesitate to share our “real” moments- the ones where vanity and image are irrelevant because we’re too busy uhm… living???

I am not afraid of “looking” bad while living well. Upon finding this site, I too quickly realized how easy it is to see and believe photos like this:

or this:

Not bad, right? That’s me! I am 5’3″ and had 3 babies. The first one was 10 lbs 1 oz. I was 206 lbs right before delivery. The second one was 8 lbs 13 oz. Since I was chasing a toddler through that pregnancy, I only weighed in at 170 lbs before delivery. The third one was induced EARLY and weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and I was well over the 200 lb mark 2 weeks before his due date!

But we forget that there is NO such thing as perfection and here is the proof:

My tattoo is almost 16 years old and has some impressive battle scars, don’t you agree?

Here is a side shot of my lower abs and thigh:

What CAN’T you see in all of these photos? My heart. My fire. My passion for feeling alive. You can’t plainly see it from the outside on anyone can you? There is no way- perhaps because it is beyond what our eyes can see. The shape of our bodies and what we see in the mirror shouldn’t be the most important thing. We need to nurture the shape of our hearts.

Updated here.

We create beauty. We are beauty. (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Original entry here.

I put a post on here not too long ago. I have come so far the passed few weeks that I thought I would go ahead and post again. I have been thinking a lot about my body and the bodies of women on this site and I am wondering…how in the world could we ever be considered imperfect? We created and continue to create perfection, out sweet little babies, the most precious and loving thing on earth. This obviously makes us beautiful :) I started writing, kinda venting a tad ;) and this is what I ended up with.

To all the people that think that women should all be the media’s idea of perfection, screw you. All of the people that make me feel ashamed to wear a swim suit, get over it, I am wearing one. You must not appreciate the female body for what it is made to do. We, as women, are built to make life. WE grow babies inside of our wombs. With that comes the “imperfections”. The stretch marks, the saggy skin and breasts, the drooping, enlarged, and darker nipples. These are the changes our bodies had to make to nourish a life to grow inside of it. Women are made to give birth to life and nourish that life after it enters the world. Women are beautiful because of this amazing miracle. Not because their bodies aren’t yet scarred, or “ruined” as I have heard some say. I am not ruined. We are not ruined. We are beautiful. We are powerful. We gave birth to life. No one can ever tell me that my body isn’t perfect. To me it is. My daughter is wonderful perfection in my eyes. She is beautiful. My body changed for her. The changes it made, make it beautiful.

My daughter is now a month old. I saw her smile for the first time 2 days ago. It melts my heart and makes every mark on my body worth it. I was sad for myself when I looked in the mirror after I gave birth. Now I am glad that I look this way. If it wasn’t for me looking this way, I wouldn’t have her. She is now my world and I wouldn’t change a thing about my body. It gave me and my husband our baby girl. I have posted some updated pictures because I think the other ones I posted didn’t do my stretch marks justice :) Plus I lost a bit of weight in the last few weeks so I am quite proud :)

Number of pregnancies and births: 1
4 weeks pp (3 weeks in pics)

Picture 1 -Pre pregnancy tummy
Picture 2&3- 3 weeks pp
Picture 4- My husband and I Christmas 2010 (around 6 months pregnant)
Picture 5- My beautiful daughter, 3 weeks old.

Updated here.

I Rock, Size 00 or Not (Katy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

I rock, size 00 or not

I had a special photo shoot done with Gretchen McFarland Photography for a surprise birthday present for the Pilot. Family members may not want to look. I have always been a pretty confident person. I also
don’t have a lot of shame and for the most part could care less how people think of me. I was a ballet dancer & loved being on stage. When I had to quit ballet for a hip injury, I went to running. Running kept me in shape. I was running normally about 8 miles every other day and was planning on running the Marine Corps Marathon in Oct of 08. As soon as I felt better after twisting my knee by stepping on a dog, I found out I was pregnant and stopped running. This August will mark three years since my last run (I wasn’t medically cleared to run after giving birth to the Hoo, due to the same hip problems). I loved my body when running. I had muscles & definition. Abs. Great thighs. My husband loved me too. I like being in shape. Two kids later, yeah, not so much. I am still about 7-10lbs off from where I was pre-pregnancy.

-off subject tangent- Why can’t thin people be bothered by their own fat or unhealthiness? I feel so much like that if you aren’t overweight, you have no right to complain. And yes, thin people never have to go through the ridicule or whatnot that overweight people do. But losing weight should be more about just looking good; it should be about feeling good. Healthy. I have no doubt in my mind that there are some people my height with 20 extra lbs on them that can run a mile faster. I am so not in shape right now! And I hate that. -end rant-

I had ordered what I was going to wear weeks ago. When I tried it on before the shoot, I hated it all. I hated the way I looked. I didn’t like how some pieces cut into my now softer body. I felt like the
bottoms made my hips seem even wider, my butt bigger. I felt fat and unhealthy, far from the usual confident person I am. I wanted to be perfect for Pilot, back down to my size 00, with a rock hard body.
But I wasn’t. I was a tired mom of 2 who hasn’t been able to make it to the gym & who also gave birth just 3 months ago. I was thinking of Heidi Klum, who walked the runway what, 6 weeks after she gave birth?
Where were her hips? Where was her line from ribcage to hips dividing the softness of belly & loose skin from pregnancy? Or are Hollywood moms so above the rest of us that it never happens to them?

It isn’t that. I am a full time mom, in all ways. I don’t have a nanny (or hell, even a husband around) who I can pass the kids off to while I go work out. I don’t have a chef preparing me fresh, healthy meals every day. I am lucky if I can grab a piece of toast & some yogurt for breakfast. I live off sticks of Colby jack cheese, coffee, almond M&Ms, fruit & nuts throughout the day. I don’t have the money to spend on liposuction, spa treatments, and specialty creams…so why am I letting the constant swarm of media shatter my self-confidence? Why, when I am so vastly different from the women we see in media am I paying any attention to them? I am real, not some airbrushed, snipped, plastic, vapid woman on the cover of Star or Vogue. And more importantly, what would my girls think if they saw me like this? I never say anything negative about my appearance around them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking they have to be perfect in their looks, hearing their mother’s moaning over her own perceived imperfections. I want them to have a positive body image and to realize that they are beautiful no matter what size they fit in. The perfection they are swarmed with isn’t real, and I plan to do my best to make sure they know what goes into making the images they see. Real will always be more beautiful. The human body is a work of art. I don’t want them sitting in front of the mirror in their prom dress nearly in tears over the way it is cut, or being ashamed of their nakedness, picking apart their body until there is nothing left to love. Their body is a
gift from God and I want them to appreciate, use, and love every part of them, from the brain in their head down to their toes. I want them to shout proudly, “I love myself, no matter what Barbie/Vogue/gossip
magazines/E! Channel/advertisements tell me I should be!” The mass media has done such an excellent job of telling women that we suck, our bodies are inferior, and we need this weight loss fad, this cream,
this make up, these shoes, these pills, etc to make us this ‘perfect’ shallow shell of what we really are. We need to celebrate our bodies, not berate ourselves for perfection that is really just a false ideal to sell us junk.

I stopped tearing myself apart. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Fuck you media.” I rocked at the height of my running/working out days. I rock now. I walked in there wearing my 5-inch patent leather peep toe pumps with pride. I am a woman. I am a mother. And I am damn smokin’ hot, size 00 or not.

Originally posted here. Photographs here.

Beautifully Destroyed (Sia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Poetry, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 28 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

age 17
months pp 9

The other day I ran into a girl who I went to school with. She is a little younger than me and has always been kind of rude. She was telling me how she saw pictures of me before I had my daughter and how she COULD NOT believe that I was ever THAT skinny. She said I must hate my body and she went on to say that having my daughter DESTROYED me. I honestly was at a loss for words. I could not believe she was talking to me this way. I mean, I was actually starting to think I looked pretty good for having a nine month old baby. I looked the girl right in the face and I calmly told her that I would of gained 1000 more stretchmarks and 300 more pounds for my little princess, and I walked away. Her words really did get to me, and I have to admit I went home and cried to my boyfriend. I may not have the body I used to have, but that girl doesnt know what its like to fall asleep every night with the arms of the man that loves me wrapped around me tight. She has no idea the feeling that overcomes me when I peek into my daughters crib late at night just to see my beautiful baby girl sleeping so peacefully in a fuzzy sleeper with animals on the feet. So if people look at my body and think that I am destroyed, then I am BEAUTIFULLY destroyed. I have never been this happy in my life. My body never brought me happiness earlier in life, my daughter brings me the most joy and my body made her. I wouldnt change a thing for the world. Of course there are days where I look in the mirror and wish I was thinner, And I must say there is wayyyyy too much love in my love handles haha. My love handles are my biggest complaint, but hey I dont have too much to complain about. Im just loving life, loving my family, and most importantly learning to love myself.

I wanted to share a poem that I wrote about my daughter, kennedy, when she was only a few weeks old.

my beautiful baby girl sleeping so peacefully beside me
i lay my ear on your chest , listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat

i take your tiny hand as you wrap it around my finger tightly
bending dowm to kiss your cheek, i notice one eye opens slightly

only for a second, then you enter your dream world for the second time
i love you so much, its unbelievable something so heavenly is mine

for nine months i watched how my body changed and grew
the moment i saw that plus sign, i was overwhelmed by love for you

i felt every movement as your own body took shape
i felt my body expand, as yours began to gain weight

until you gained enough weight to be a beautiful healthy baby girl
the day you were born, i knew you were my world

your headful of hair and your dark eyes
the resemblence between us took me by surprise

you had the cutest little mouth and your chubby cheeks
all swaddled up, you looked so sweet

i remember the first time you looked up at me when you opened your big dark eyes
i smiled down at you as i, myself started to cry

a mother meeting her baby, the greatest feeling there is
now our new life as a family was to begin

I went a little picture crazy with this post haha, but all of the ones of me our me nine months pp. then the other pictures are of my little girl kennedy. and then of course the one of the both of us together.

Updated here.

Update (Lucia)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

I read this site as often as I can now, I have a very active 9 month old and I try to be out with him as much as posible, and i´ve been meanin to share something with you all.

When I was little I remember asking my mom if a pregnant woman went back to her shape right after the baby came out, and she said yes, right away so I imagined it like when you deflate a ballon, it just goes back. Little did I know it was more complicated that that, then I got pregnant and curious as to what really happens to your body and I came across this site, so I talked to my mom and tried to remind her about that time she had told me that all mommies bodies go back after having their baby, and her response was “I don’t remember, but how did you believe me seeing that I ended up so deformed” deformed, that’s what she thought of herself, to me she was always beautiful and I didn’t know her before I was born so how was I
supposed to tell the difference?

I also remember that she would complain about how fat she was when I was, lets say 5, then we would look at pictures of that time when I was 9 and she´d say “Oh God! I was skinny back there and I couldn’t appreciate it, now I´ve turned into such a cow” And what I have seen in most of these post is something like that, women who were not completely happy with their pre preggo bodies and that would now kill for them, I just have a little advice, if I may.

Woman: enjoy your body AS IT IS, down go moping over what it USED to look like, don’t wait until it is gone to appreciate it, it would be really sad if you took a picture of yourself today and not realizing how beautiful you are until you see it years from now. And this applies to everything really, I apply this mostly to my baby, I try to love every one of his stages because they aint coming back, it gets harder in some ways and easier in others. Also, your fear of how looking bad is not helping, you put yourself under a magnifying glass every time you look at yourself in the mirror, and you assume everyone else sees the same flaws you do, and you give your supportive husband such a hard time cause you don’t believe he doesn’t care about (or sometimes doesn’t even see) your stretch marks or all of those imaginary flaws, that’s a good thing, and heres a secret, most men don’t notice and if they do, chances are they don’t care, I´ve always thought that when you put make up on to look pretty for a husband, boyfriend, men in general the ones who notice it the most are women, now women may notice your flaws, but if someone tells you something you really shouldn’t give a damn, especially if you’ve got one of those rare unsupportive spouses who do, try to put them in their place or see if you can make it without them, I know being a single mom is hard and not a first choice but you
shouldn’t allow them to psychologically abuse you or bully you, is that the kind of thing you want around your kids?

And lastly, as an update, I finally found some stretch marks! I was 5 moths pp and right out of the shower I bent over to wrap my hair up in a towel and there they were, little silver lines that I can only see when there’s direct sunlight and strect my skin, They are way down in my belly so any two pice bathing suit would almost cover them up, also at 8 months pp I found some more higher, near my navel, and it’s the weirdest think, I am totally sure it wasn’t there before, I mean I could see something weird but it seemed to be under my skin, ever happened to one of you? Oh and my breasts get smaller I can feel their share of stretch marks, then after a while if I focus a lot and have very good lighting I can see a couple of them.

Anyways, this post was intended to be much more articulate, but as I mentioned I have a very active baby and I shouldn’t sit here typing any longer because he is begging me to go out. Don’t wait until its too late to appreciate and love your body, try to look at yourself through the adoring eyes of your partner and kids.

Loving Myself (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Having my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me in a million ways, but unfortunately it changed my body too. I was slightly overweight when I found out I was pregnant, and I wasn’t happy with my body to begin with. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem and diet, I was at my heaviest weight (166) the day I saw the two pink lines. When I delivered I was almost 230lbs. I didn’t FEEL like I was that big, because I was “all belly” or so I thought. I ate well when I was pregnant, but I ate much more than I needed to and I didn’t do any kind of exercise at all. My son was 9lbs 8oz at birth and just perfect. I wanted to breastfeed so I didn’t consider cutting calories or anything like that until he was 3 months or so and I knew my supply was going strong. I didn’t want to exercise because I read that it can make your breast milk taste sour and the baby will reject you (not sure if that’s true). I was miserable with my body though and felt so insecure and ugly. I have stretch marks all over my hips and stomach, down my thighs and the backs of knees. I started trying to work out but I was so out of shape and tired all the time that I would just give up. As I started moving my son into solid foods, I started reading more about nutrition- I decided to become a vegan. I wanted to be healthier and treat my body right- and then I started losing weight. It felt really encouraging. I went from 180 to 170lbs in the first month and fluctuated in the 160s for a while. I got pneumonia in the fall and lost 20lbs, it was awful. I was so sick I could barely walk or care for my son, even for weeks after I was ‘better’ I was so weak. I weighed 140lbs but as I started eating better and gaining my strength back I gained more weight. I’ve started doing yoga and walking more, and now my weight is around 147lbs but I feel strong and healthy. I’d like to ‘tone up’ my wiggly parts but I fear my stomach may be a lost cause. My son is 14 months now and he’s learning about body parts, his favorite is the belly button, and he waddles up to me and sticks his fingers in my belly button all the time. He thinks the squishy weird texture of my stomach is great, so I don’t mind it that much. The only people who see my stomach are my son and my fiance and they both love me. My fiance supports my weight loss/toning goals, but he makes me feel beautiful all the time anyway. Things are so different now from a year ago- my body is healed and my confidence is up. I know my body isn’t going to be the same as it was (especially my boobs, I miss them! They were so perky and small) but I feel so proud to have brought a life into this world, and I know it sounds kind of corny and cliched but my body is amazing for doing that. I don’t beat myself up for the things I can’t change. I found this website when I was pregnant and I remember thinking that I would never be comfortable or happy enough with my body to post, but here I am posting my “success”- which after everything it turns out it’s not related to my body at all, it just means that I am happy and I love myself!

Picture Info: 1+2: 12 weeks pregnant
3: 6 months pregnant
4-6: 5 months pp (170lbs)
7-9: today (147lbs)

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, he is 14 months old

Finding beauty in every imperfection (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

21 years old
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
13 months pp

I want to start off by saying this site is amazing, I love reading all of the posts on here. However, i don’t like seeing that it is such a struggle for some women to love the bodies that their children gave them. I know it’s difficult, I’ve been there and i too struggled some but not anymore. There are two things you can do, one- accept the skin that you are in and love your body, if not for what it looks like for what it has blessed you with, or two- If you are unhappy with your weight gain, work to lose it.. and don’t get discouraged, Try to remember.. it takes 9 months to gain that weight and for some, it takes 9 months plus some to work it off. I see so many beautiful mothers, with nice bodies on here posting about how awful they think they look and i’m sitting here saying to myself.. you’ve got to be kidding. We, ladies, are our worst critics and one of the things that most of us do, and shouldn’t is compare our bodies to others which leads to self esteem issues that simply shouldn’t be there. Embrace the change and Find beauty in your new bodies! There is beauty in everything, some people may not see it and those are the people that shouldn’t matter.

I’m 5’2 and before pregnancy i weighed 120 lbs, I wasn’t very confident and i always wanted to be thinner than i was, and i wanted bigger boobs.. even though i see now, that there wasn’t a thing wrong with my body, back then.. it wasn’t so easy. During my pregnancy i gained 35 lbs, and the weight gain didn’t bother me because i was gaining weight for my son. My son was born, January 10th 2010 weighing 6 lbs and 10 0z, 21 inches long. After he was born, i ate healthy and worked out when i could (which wasn’t often) and it still took me about 10 months to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Now that my son is older, and I’ve recently became a stay at home mom, i exercise more regularly and i do not diet, but surprisingly i’m a jean size smaller than i was before baby. I’m content with my body, stretch marks and all. When i look at myself naked in the mirror, i do not find myself disgusting.. i see the complete opposite, When i look at my stretch marks and wrinkled skin, i think of the very reason they are there in the first place and i appreciate my body for all that it has done. I hope all of you mama’s out there can too, start appreciating your bodies.. you are all beautiful!

-Love- Jordan, Colin’s mommy.

Photos:

(1,2) 4 months into pregnancy
(3) 8 months into pregnancy
(4) 8 months pp
(5) Now, 13 months pp at 118 lbs
(6) Stretch marks
(7) Mommy’s little monster

Updated here.

6 Babies, 5 C-Sections, 4 Daughters, 3 TOL’s, 2 Son’s, 1 Love (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update, VBAC 14 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

My last posting this past summer was very freeing for me. I loved the photos, and for the first time really saw beauty in my imperfect body. I feel strong, and continue to grow in inner and outer strength. These photos were taken at our local hot springs & a then there are a couple of family photos. I love this website… and life :-)

~Age: 30
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12, 7, 5, 4, 3, 23mo– 23 mo PP

Believing My Husband’s Words (Nikki)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 22 Comments

Age: 24
7 pregnancies, 2 births
Children age: 4 yrs & 15 months

I enjoy coming to Bonnie’s website because I know, if anything, it gives women a place to be open and honest with themselves. Whether or not a woman takes anything constructive from it is individual. I have seen bodies of women who I think shouldn’t complain and bodies of women who could have every reason to. In all, this site will either make you appreciate what you have or loathe it. But day after day, I come and read the very similar posts of my fellow mothers and begin to think: “Why do we put so much weight into our looks?” I haven’t seen any websites for men to discuss their calloused hands, beer gut and flat butt. My husband has more stretch marks (due to steroids for a condition) and ACTUAL skin problems (eczema, psoriasis) than I do, but he doesn’t think himself ugly or unfit for intimacy. If I can love him for who he is and his looks, and I’m pretty sure you ladies feel the same way about your SO, then why of all whys do we question whether our men still find us attractive? Our men aren’t any beauty queens or underwear models themselves, but we put ourselves thru all kinds of mental and physical hell to be something we think our men desire. When on the flip side, they aren’t worried about doing it for us.

For example, I was watching Dr. Oz and he had some overweight women who felt insecure of their bodies and wanted help. Well right beside them was their overweight husbands. Why do they have to take on the unattractive burden when their husbands are no more attractive or in any better physical condition? But if you asked those same women how they felt about their husband, they’d say they love them unconditionally and looks didn’t matter. Unless they’re lying to make them feel good, why can’t men say what will make us feel good? Sounds unfair and one-sided don’t you think? But it’s possible for a man to actually consider our worth in terms of personality and inner beauty than looks alone. If men aren’t stressin’, neither should we. And we bring something even better to the table: our beauty is amplified by bringing life into this world. A man’s beauty is amplified by the type of father he is to those children. Ladies, if we are stressing about our looks for a man we think will leave us because of our looks, he wasn’t worth keeping around anyway. He’d be considered shallow and not worth your love. But if we keep compounding our self loathing onto them, it will turn them off to us. They want a confident woman regardless of what society deems her body. Because frankly, men get tired of hearing us complain or worse, refusing them intimacy. We’re not some damn peacock strutting around. Our brains are too complex to live our lives focused on the quality of our feathers. There are people needing love and attention inside and outside our homes, so we need to take stock on the abilities and capabilities of ourselves. We take on spouses for the comfort and security of being ourselves and walking together on a path to greater things. There shouldn’t be any room for shame.

Couples should support and encourage physical fitness and better eating for the sake of being healthier so you all can grow old together and see your grandkids, not so you can look like Gisele and he Tom Brady. They’re not that cute anyway, lol. While I would hope this message reaches someone, if anything I want it to make women think. And remember, if he says you look hot, beautiful, sexy, or bangin’ BELIEVE HIM.

A Comment Left Today by Rosie

Bonnie (SOAM) Collaborative, My Own Ramblings, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 9 Comments

Rosie just left this comment on an entry from a few days ago. I love it so much I want to marry it. I found myself nodding along with her the entire time, it’s so true to everything I believe that I decided to post it here as an entry of its own. (Paragraph separations and bold are mine.)

The entire first paragraph is vital to understand other women – no matter what we look like, we struggle with it. It’s not a reflection on others, period. I wrote to someone on Facebook the other day that if you put two identical women in a room together they’d declare the other beautiful while picking apart every flaw they could find on themselves. It’s an internal conflict that, at it’s truest heart, has less to do with body image and far more to do with our ability to love ourselves wholly.

The last paragraph has a universal truth that I bolded for emphasis. Read it. Listen to it. I mean REALLY listen. With your deepest heart.

Thank you, Rosie, for writing this.

“Its very complex isn’t it because obviously even if a woman still looks fit and slim and relatively unchanged in appearance her feelings of self loathing are still very real to her. Invalidating those feelings can often lead to an even louder cry of anguish, a feeling that no-one else understands or sees what she sees. But the thing that really pisses me off is that its not her fault. We live in such a crap culture where ideas of what is beautiful or normal are so narrow that even this young gorgeous woman thinks she is undesirable.

We women need to be so courageous, to stand up and not be ashamed of ourselves and not hide our bodies so the idea of beautiful and normal can expand. I’ve had three kids including a set of twins I carried for 39 and a half weeks. I have stretch marks over my hips, twin skin round my belly button that wrinkles when i lean forward and a big bottom and thighs but I wear a bikini when I go swimming. I eat very well and exercise and look after myself. Why should i be ashamed?

But it still takes huge amounts of courage to expose yourself because every other woman who looks like me is covering up in shame! To be honest even women who look like this(with a slightly imperfect belly) would likely be covering up and that is sooo sad (where does that leave the rest of us?).

I don’t think its because of what men expect from us. I know good men see the whole woman. I also separated from the father of my kids and went through these fears. Now I am with a man who is younger than me and everyone says is really gorgeous and he is totally into me. So who are we hiding from, who are we scared of. Shallow crap men that you wouldn’t want to be with anyway? Its not easy but I say we need to have the courage to expect the best for ourselves whatever we look like. To me that means being with a man who sees me as beautiful and desirable as a friend and as a lover. And knowing also that its OK to be alone until that comes along.”