Beautifully Destroyed (Sia)

Previous entries here and here.

age 17
months pp 9

The other day I ran into a girl who I went to school with. She is a little younger than me and has always been kind of rude. She was telling me how she saw pictures of me before I had my daughter and how she COULD NOT believe that I was ever THAT skinny. She said I must hate my body and she went on to say that having my daughter DESTROYED me. I honestly was at a loss for words. I could not believe she was talking to me this way. I mean, I was actually starting to think I looked pretty good for having a nine month old baby. I looked the girl right in the face and I calmly told her that I would of gained 1000 more stretchmarks and 300 more pounds for my little princess, and I walked away. Her words really did get to me, and I have to admit I went home and cried to my boyfriend. I may not have the body I used to have, but that girl doesnt know what its like to fall asleep every night with the arms of the man that loves me wrapped around me tight. She has no idea the feeling that overcomes me when I peek into my daughters crib late at night just to see my beautiful baby girl sleeping so peacefully in a fuzzy sleeper with animals on the feet. So if people look at my body and think that I am destroyed, then I am BEAUTIFULLY destroyed. I have never been this happy in my life. My body never brought me happiness earlier in life, my daughter brings me the most joy and my body made her. I wouldnt change a thing for the world. Of course there are days where I look in the mirror and wish I was thinner, And I must say there is wayyyyy too much love in my love handles haha. My love handles are my biggest complaint, but hey I dont have too much to complain about. Im just loving life, loving my family, and most importantly learning to love myself.

I wanted to share a poem that I wrote about my daughter, kennedy, when she was only a few weeks old.

my beautiful baby girl sleeping so peacefully beside me
i lay my ear on your chest , listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat

i take your tiny hand as you wrap it around my finger tightly
bending dowm to kiss your cheek, i notice one eye opens slightly

only for a second, then you enter your dream world for the second time
i love you so much, its unbelievable something so heavenly is mine

for nine months i watched how my body changed and grew
the moment i saw that plus sign, i was overwhelmed by love for you

i felt every movement as your own body took shape
i felt my body expand, as yours began to gain weight

until you gained enough weight to be a beautiful healthy baby girl
the day you were born, i knew you were my world

your headful of hair and your dark eyes
the resemblence between us took me by surprise

you had the cutest little mouth and your chubby cheeks
all swaddled up, you looked so sweet

i remember the first time you looked up at me when you opened your big dark eyes
i smiled down at you as i, myself started to cry

a mother meeting her baby, the greatest feeling there is
now our new life as a family was to begin

I went a little picture crazy with this post haha, but all of the ones of me our me nine months pp. then the other pictures are of my little girl kennedy. and then of course the one of the both of us together.

Updated here.

28 thoughts on “Beautifully Destroyed (Sia)

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 10:10 am

    You’re kidding, right?! I can’t believe anyone would say such a thing, especially when you look incredible!!! And your daughter is sooooo precious!!! Congrats, Momma. That lady must really not know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally!

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 10:13 am

    That GIRL (and that’s what she is since she wants to talk like one) is crazy. You look GREAT! You have a beautiful baby girl and I don’t see ANYTHING wrong with your body. I’d KILL to have a body like that but, at the same time, I earned MY body by having 4 kids. I know it’s easier said than done but just try to put that girl’s words out of your head.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 11:39 am

    you go mama:)

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    oh boy. i was dreading when this post would be put up. Shortly after I sent it, my boyfriend broke up with me. I took the breakup pretty bad. I couldnt eat or sleep. iv lost about ten more pounds from the post. Im glad I had my daughter with me through out the breakup because honestly she was the only one that could put a smile on my face. and she was the reason I dragged my sorry butt out of bed every morning. My life was pretty perfect for a while. Im trying to get back on happy trail. each day gets better. MY ex and I are still on good terms and hes here for his daughter. we are hoping to work things out.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Love handles? Not even barely. You look great.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    I’m so sorry that you were told that! How horrible of her!! You are beautiful and so is your body. It is proof that you gave your self to your child while you were carrying her. She is beautiful!!!

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    That was a beautiful poem and you have a wonderful attitude. My qs is where are these love handles you’re speaking of? I see beautiful protruding hip bones. You can’t tell you’ve even had a baby from a strangers point of view. I see very few strech marks which would be your only proof of giving birth just from looking at you. You look fabulous. Honey I have so many marks I look like a tiger. And I have to where underwear that compresses my tummy or I wear my belly band if I wear jeans. You are fabulous and not only by comparison but in general. If you have love handles then I must have the worlds biggest pooch lol. I would love to have a tummy that flat. I’m 4 months pp but still, I know what I’m talking about =) if your 9 months pp then you are a damn sexy mama. Your girl is absolutely beautiful just like you. P.s. you have a lovely hour glass figure.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Destroyed? No way! You’re pretty!

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Oh no! I am so sorry yall broke up, hopefully you can work things out. If not, at least he is there for his daughter. You will find another man that will treat you right. Your body is beautiful! Honestly, you have a great shape and I can barely tell you have ever been pregnant. That girl must just be jealous. Maybe she secretly wants to have a baby and can’t or something. That is the ONLY thing I can think of that would make her say anything like that. You are gorgeous mama and you will for sure find someone very special that will love you and your daughter. Or you will work it out with your ex. :) Keep your head up!

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    I just want to say, I see a pretty noticeable difference from your first post–was it really only 4 months ago? Your stretch marks have faded A LOT and your belly is a little smaller (not that it was anywhere near “big” to begin with). Your boyfriend was pretty stupid to give up such a sexy woman :)

    What that girl said to you reminds why (1) I intensely dislike teenage girls (no offense to you. It’s just not an age group I’m crazy about) and (2) I tend to not hang out with women. There’s no excuse for her to say something like that to you because you are nowhere near destroyed. You are beautiful and I think she’s either jealous or too immature to realize what true beauty is.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Someone said the EXACT same thing to me before so I know exactly how you must have felt but you look 93189187 times better than I do! I would SERIOUSLY trade places with you in a second!

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    F@ck her you look damn good and sound even better! She only wishes she could have the happiness you do.x

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    You are sooo hot! She is stupid, seriously! I hope you work things out with the bf but do not owrry about her. You look great and she is crazy.

  • Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    thanks so much ladies <3 its amazing how kind word can bring so much happiness to a person. even if its only for a little bit. this is why i love this site. real words from real beautiful woman

  • Friday, May 6, 2011 at 2:51 am

    I’m sorry you broke up :( I hope it all works out well for you. PS You look amazing!!!!! Why do people have to be so aweful! I had similair things happen to me, I have a twin sister (identical) and got very tired of the ‘how different we now looked’, and how it’s now easy to tell us appart…you get the idea! That girl is one of many, who must put other people down in order to feel better about themselves. I think it’s pretty safe to say she has her own insecurities. I love your poem and your attitude, you obviously adore your daughter and I bet you are a great Mommy. You are and will be an excellent role model for you beautifull little girl. All the best x :)

  • Friday, May 6, 2011 at 6:25 am

    You look awesome! My husband saw your pictures when I was looking at them and said, “she looks really good, I don’t know what that other person saw” (and he is 25…go for a more mature man!). You really do look good…maybe she is jealous! Sorry about your relationship, but it is good that he is there for his daughter. Good luck :)

  • Friday, May 6, 2011 at 6:35 am

    what a rude girl! you look AMAZING and your daughter is GORGEOUS!!

  • Friday, May 6, 2011 at 9:05 am

    This is the first time I’ve visited this site and your poem put tears in my eyes. I have an 11-month old boy and you summed up exactly what I feel for him.

    Don’t listen to that girl — anyone like that doesn’t deserve to associate with you. I don’t understand how people let others get away with rudeness just because “that’s the way she is”. You are beautiful and your beautiful daughter is the only person who’s opinion of you should matter.

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. I hope you are able to work things out. Just keep going, mama. If you can handle a rude girl with the kind of grace that you did, you can tackle anything!

  • Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    I think this woman sounds like one of those creepy people who secretly get a little rush of joy every time they think they’ve hurt someone else (it makes them feel better). Or else, she’s just so jealous of your happiness and completeness, she feels the need to say those things to try to convince herself not to hate herself and her life.
    That’s very, very sad, but really, it has nothing to do with you. If anything, you should just feel sorry for her for a minute and then go back to enjoying your own blessings. :)
    You really do look gorgeous (none of us are kidding — it’s true, which makes that woman’s comments all the more outrageous, and your baby is adorable! Best wishes and even more blessings… C.

  • Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    I wouldn’t cast judgment on the young lady who told you that too quickly. If she wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt you, it really sounds like she has Aspergers Syndrome (an autistic spectrum disorder) so she didn’t realize how her words would make another person feel. It’s a neurological disorder where empathy and putting yourself in another person’s shoes come very unnaturally

  • Monday, May 9, 2011 at 10:25 am

    That girl from high school must be jealous. There’s no other reason for her nastiness. Not only are you loved by your boyfriend, but you have an unbelievably gorgeous little girl AND you have a cute tiny little body to boot! You look amazing!

  • Monday, May 9, 2011 at 10:41 am

    I just finished reading all 3 of your posts and I have to say, you have a very mature outlook on life for someone as young as you are. Keep your head up and keep focusing on your daughter like you have been. You will go far with your positive attitude!

  • Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    You and your daughter are BEAUTIFUL!

  • Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Some people are just so rude and insecure of themselves they think putting down others will make themselves feel better! You my girl, look AMAZING! And yeah we all change after having kids. And your baby is ADORABLE! You look great, don’t let anyone put you down! ;)

  • Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    whatttt!!!! you are soooo skinny, you look AMAZING! I cant beleive she would say that considering how tiny you are!

  • Monday, May 30, 2011 at 6:01 am

    i can’t believe she thought you were fat!!!!! i think u look amazing and ur attitude is amazing. i know exactly what it’s like to be judged for what you looked like pre-children. i think we all do. stay strong!

  • Monday, June 20, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    You look great! I think what the girl said reflects her own insecurity and immaturity. If she really felt great about herself, she would not have the need to tell others about how imperfect they are. I hope I look as good as you after I have my little boy.

  • Wednesday, September 14, 2011 at 8:16 am

    uhm. wow. there is no way that that girl was “kind of rude” that is so awful! especially since you look AMAZING!! absolutely wonderful! and the other’s are right. she obviously hates herself and needed to say that to make herself feel better. I think a woman’s stretch marks are wonderful and beautiful.

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