How Quickly it Can Change (Anonymous)

After my second pregnancy I was told to wait at least 5 years before I have another because while on the table in a emergency csection I had a partial uterine rupture. I ended up getting pregnant 3 years later. So you can imagine the fear when the ept said pregnant. We got in for a emergency ultrasound and our little butter bean seemed to be doing well!

I called the Ob who delivered my first two and was in exactly two weeks later. I was starting to get excited about the miracle we had on the way (I was told I would never have kids and this would be my 3rd!). My excitement was shot down fast when the Ob walked in introduced himself and immediately went into my risk with going through with the pregnancy. “after reviewing your history I’m letting you know right away you are high risk, you have a 20% chance of repeat uterine rupture and that will make you lose the baby. It could also possibly kill you. With that said you also need to understand as you get farther along your risk will increase. You should probably think about if you want to continue this pregnancy. You have 2 other children and a husband to think about.” He said. I was in tears. Why? Why me? Why can’t I have a normal pregnancy? I cried through the rest of the appointment.

Later on at home my husband and I looked up abortion places. The doctor was right I can’t keep going when my risk will only get worse. I can’t leave my other two precious babies without their mother. We Looked up info and discussed it for a couple of weeks. The tears I cried were endless. I wasn’t happy with what I was told. I can’t end my little baby’s life. She/he has a heart beat.

I called my parents to tell them my I made my mind up. after all they needed to know, i was going to need all the support I could get. They weren’t happy with what I had decided no one was. But I was and my husband was thats all that counts. Eventually every one else will come around and accept it. Even though they constantly tried to change my mind, I stood my ground.

At my next Ob appointment I told them what I had chosen and it was done. No one could change our mind.

MY BABY wasn’t going to be aborted. I couldn’t do it.

I ended up switching obs. But not after having two more ultrasounds. One was a emergency ultrasound to check on “baby butter bean” after having contractions at 16 weeks. While in the ultrasound we were told baby bean was a Girl! We were happy! Announced to our friends and family as soon as I was discharged from the hospital! Three weeks later we were told our little girl wasn’t a little girl but a very PROUD little boy! The first ultrasound was wrong! I guess better to know now then wait until he was born and have all the wrong color stuff!

My high risk Ob was wonderful! He has been in practice for longer then I have been alive and even as taught a few years of school. I had ultrasounds every week to show early signs of rupture. If my uterine scar started looking thin he was going to take me to the OR.

After 2 rounds of steroid injections and making it past 32 weeks we scheduled the csection. It was coming close. My doctor didn’t want me to carry last 37 weeks and I was put on meds to stop contractions for the rest of the pregnancy. We were almost there!

On a Thursday morning we arrived at the hospital. This was it! I made it all the way soon my little boy will be in my arms and I can stop the worry!

I was prepped for my csection and off to the or we went! My blood pressure was a little elevated but other then that everything was great! We were there. The day that almost never happened! Then I got into the or….

We went through the normal stuff and then came time for the spinal. They had me straddle the table one leg on each side with a pillow to my stomach. “this isn’t how I did it with my other two I need a nurse in front of me and both my legs need to be on one side of the table” I said. The assured me it was fine. They are trained in this do they should know. The first injection went in perfect very little pain. Then came the second. That one hurt! I jerked a little but then they laid me down and finished getting ready. My Ob walked in and asked “how are you doing?” “I’m fine” I responded. He then went to his spot talked to his nurses and then started getting his things ready. He asked if I felt him touching my legs which I didn’t. Then a huge amount of pain overwhelmed me. I looked at the nurse next to me and said “as he started?” after looking over the drape she replies “yes” I looked to my side my husband wasn’t there. “where is my husband!? I can feel this where is my husband! He needs to be in here NOW! I can feel the doctor cutting me”. The nurse yells out “where is the dad?” a nurse runs out and get him. While she was gone I kept telling the one had my head I could feel the pain. She said I felt pressure I couldn’t feel pain. I’ve had 2 csections before this isn’t normal I thought. About that time my husband came in. He asked how I was doing and I told him I could feel it and started telling him what side I felt the doctor on. About that time I looked at my husband and said “something isn’t right”. He told the nurse I could feel it to do something but she blew him off also.

A few seconds later I look at my husband and say “here he comes” I felt my son slid out of my stomach. Immediately he started crying. Instantly I was relieved. He is fine. I told my husband to go don’t worry about me and he went to take pictures. I knew complaining anymore of the pain wouldn’t help. I focused in my little mans cry and dealt with the pain. Then I saw him. Love at first sight all over again. After about 3 minutes they took him to the nursery and my husband went to.

My focus was gone. The pain still there. I again told the nurse I could feel it and started calling sides to her. She still didn’t believe me. I gave up I fond a new focal point. The monitor, I watched as my blood pressure stayed above what it was when I went in. The anthesia makes blood pressure lower, it also will rise when your in pain. And the blood pressure was up it hadn’t gone down. Why didn’t they believe me? Your supposed To trust them.

I felt everything. I knew hen he was finishing, I felt every staple go into my skin. I was sent to recovery where I was welcomed by another nurse, my husband, son and mom. I took my son and just held into him. This day may not have been possible. What if I needed the pregnancy the look on that amazing face was worth every ounce of worry. Every tear was all worth it in the end.

Doing recovery I was asked how I felt. I had awful pain on my right side. Never have I experienced pain like that after a csection. I told the nurse about the pain and her response was “you just had a csection your going to hurt”. I looked her dead in the eyes “I know I will feel some pain. I’m not stupid I’ve done this 2 times before. But this pain isn’t normal SOMETHING IS WRONG”. But again I was blown off. Okay fine maybe I was over reacting. Every pregnancy is different so every recovery is different right?

I was sent to my room for the next few days a hour later. We spent time with family enjoying our new miracle. Our blessing. He was perfect. When my older two came to see him they were ecstatic! Everyone was over the moon! I DID IT! I beat the risk I made it through he was fine. My children still had their mother and my husband still had his wife.

On the third day which was discharge day my husband started getting things ready. We were getting to bring our son home.

The nursery was ready to discharge. Just waiting on final word from my Ob. When he arrived I told him how excited I was to get home. He checked me then gave me that look I only saw one time before from him. I knew something was wrong. Last time he gave me that look was when at first it looked like he would be delivering at 33 weeks until he rechecked my scar tissue measurements. My hopes were dashed. He said I wouldn’t be going home today.

My stomach was swollen, red and tender to the touch on the same side I had complained about and been blown off. I was told not to breast feed for 24 hrs given a pump to dump all milk for the next 24 hrs.

The pain was bad but I had given up on complaining. Maybe now they will listen? I was sent for a CAT scan which showed I had a bowel obstruction. I had to get a n-g tube and lots of other interventions to “unstop” me. I couldn’t hold my baby. The pain was enough to make the strongest person break down.

After 3 days they said I was better and sent me home. I was extremely happy. My family was going to be together again! We got home and settled. I was still weak walking up the porch steps made me out of breathe. I felt like I couldn’t move. But I had to keep going. I’m getting better.

After I few days my condition had not improved. It had worsened. I didn’t do anything. I could barley breathe without hurting. My husband had to do it all. I only did night feedings. It was so painful breastfeeding wasn’t possible.

Then it started, I was extremely hot but freezing. Okay great just the after baby sickness. It was about time my son was 2 weeks old. I took my temp and was shocked when it said 104.6 I don’t think I ever had a temp that high! I took some tylenol and my husband made me take a cold bath. To me it felt like I was jumping in water that was frozen! The next day my temp was still high nothing was bringing it down and my pain was so bad I was taking the pain pills to sleep. I called my Ob and was seen as soon as I got there.

He checked me “Ob side” I looked to be healing great from birth! I had lost a lot of weight but some people lose it fast. But I wasn’t eating. In fact I had a little bit of broth every day cause I had to get something. By a little bit I mean 2-8 spoons of it.

My Ob was concerned because of the barley eating and drinking, also the red swollen spot that had developed over my belly button. It was tender to the touch. He sent me to the general surgeon that saw me after I had the baby. He. Checked me out and said I had cellulites (skin infection) put me in antibiotics and secheuled and appt with the gastrointestinal doctor that saw me in the hospital. The appointment wasn’t until Monday of the next week. It was only Tuesday. So we went home and started treating my skin infection.

My husband seemed to be getting frustrated because I wasn’t eating or drinking like I should I only wanted to lay on the couch. I didn’t want to hold my baby. I didn’t want my other two to bother me. I honestly wanted to die. I was giving up my fight I’m not strong. I can’t do this anymore.

The time came for my appointment with the gi doctor. I still had high fevers even though I was taken my antibiotics as I was told. He took one look at my spot and said it wasn’t cellulites. I needed a ct to make sure it wasn’t a hernia but he knew it wasn’t cellulites.

The earliest I could get a ct appointment was a Wednseday. So we went home and waited. I was getting worse. To make matters worse the pain meds I was using just to be able to lay down and sleep at night were stolen! My husbands aunt took over 20 pills right out from under me! While I was laying on the couch telling her how bad my pain was. She did that while my husband was gone getting my other two from school.
The day of my ct we dropped the kids off with my grandmother and told them we would be back in a couple of hours. Gave kisses and hugs. My grandfather looked at me with Hirt in his eyes. I could tell he knew how much pain I was in. No matter how hard I tried to hide it. He kissed me on my head and said he would see me in a little bit.

When my husband and I arrived they made me drink more barium. That stuff is awful! I was actually thirsty for real drink after it. For the first time in days I wanted a juice! They gave me a blanket because I was freezing and had me wait cause they needed to call the doctor and have him look at it. They wouldn’t give me a juice though. I was highly upset about that.

After about 30 minutes they called is to a corner of the waiting room that no one was in and said I had to get to the hosptial. No going home and getting things get there ASAP! No answers as to way.

We got to the hosptial and I was admitted. Still no answers. I watched my nurse pour a huge cup of water down the drain because the doctor said I couldn’t eat or drink. I may be having laproscopic surgery but they are seeing if they could do it then. But why? We didn’t know. It wasn’t until 930 at night FIVE hours after we were admitted I was told over the phone I would be having surgery in the morning I had a little bit of infection in my pelvic area.

We didn’t know what to think still. We had no answers and I still had nothing to eat or drink! I wanted to go home and come back in the morning but they wouldn’t let me. I wanted my babies.

The next day at 200pm I was taken to pre-op gave hugs and kisses to my mom and husband and I love yous were exchanged. After that I was out like a light. I don’t remember much. My next memory was waking up and seeing my husband, my step daughter, my husbands exwife and her husband in front of my bed talking. I looked down to see I had the dreaded N-g tube again. Great! And passed back out.

My next memory was sometime the next day. I woke up to extreme pain. My nurse came in to change my dressings. I got enough strength to look. “what happened? Why am I like this” I was cut from under my breast all the way to where they did the csection. I was in tears. MY BODY WAS RUINED!

My surgeon came in a few minutes later and asked how I was feeling. “jerk how do you think I feel!” was what went through my head. I replied “I was fine till I saw what you did to me!” he then offered to do plastic surgery for me later on I’m the future. Yeah he just confirmed he is a jerk. I had cuts, bandages, staples and tubes all over my stomach. But why?! What is going on.

He later explained that the spot on my stomach was actually my colon. It had died and my body was trying to reject it. I was leaking infection into my pelvic area which my body was trying to protect myself against by forming a barrier around it the size of a softball. My stomach was full of infection and I had mrsa.

Wait mrsa? I didn’t have that 3 weeks ago going into the csection. I was healthy! How did this happen?

Turns out the bowel obstruction never really healed. I have my theroy of how the mrsa happened. Remember the nurse left to get my husband. She left the or to get him. When she came back she went back to her spot next to the Ob. She wasnt gone long enough to scrub back in and she touched the door. She never changed her surgical gear. I’m pretty sure that caused me to get it.

I spent 2 weeks in the hosptial recovering. I was told another 24 hrs I would of been dead. What saved me was my age and the fact that they took the my son before he was ready. My body fought like lt was still pregnant.

We celebrated Easter and my daughters birthday in my hosptial room. Not the best but I wasn’t dead so that counts.

I was on antiotics the whole stay. I ha to have 48 hours of Iv nutrients before I was allowed to eat real food since I hadn’t eaten in awhile. I was also given 2 bags of blood.

Now its been a little over a year. I’m still here. I’m not as healthy as I used to be but my kids have me. I fight self esteem issues sometimes but it’s gotten better. I will wear a two piece to the beach, pool, or lake. The stares don’t bother me as much anymore.

My scar is proof I am strong. My stretch marks are proof of love/life/hope/ and miracles. I am a fighter. Even when I wanted to give up I kept going. No matter what was thrown at me. But it goes to show How quickly things can change

25 thoughts on “How Quickly it Can Change (Anonymous)

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 8:16 am

    You are amazing. I am so sad for you that the doctors and nurses disregarded your pain. Nobody knows their body better than the patient. I am in nursing school (will be graduating in 9 short months!), and I will make sure to NEVER ignore what my patient tells me about how she/he feels.

    Congratulations on your 3 babies, your strength, and your recovery :)

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 11:49 am

    What an incredibly powerful and scary story. All the things you went through and you’re able to look at those positives. Thanks for sharing your inspiring story!

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I thought my delivery was hard but after reading yours I feel so blessed. You are so strong and should be so proud of yourself. Reading your story made me so mad at the health system. I wish you the very best to you and your family.

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    You ARE a figther! a survivor! God bless you.

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Wow, am amazing story. I’m so happy your okay and for all your blessing. <3

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Wow! You are an amazing beautiful and incredibly strong woman. I am very grateful to God and Jesus Christ our savior that you are here with your children and husband. I love what your scar symbolizes and people that stare are morons. I would stare out of adoration of how strong you are. I want to be as strong as you are.

  • Monday, August 27, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    What a horrific story of how the healthcare system can fail. I am happy that you are alive and well. You are a survivor!

  • Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Wow I just could not stop reading your story…I was so saddened from all the things you had to go through. But I’m so happy that you made it past everything! Your are truly an inspiration :)I hope you and your beautiful family are doing well and may you guys be blessed with many more happy years ahead of you.

  • Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    To be honest: I think, your scar looks pretty cool!!

  • Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Now THAT is one bad ass scar. You are a tough woman and I’ll bet an awesome mom, too.

  • Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    THANKS YALL! I love my Scar. I have my days! I think its pretty awesome to :)

  • Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    I’m realizing all the typos I made! I apologize for those! I typed all this up on my phone!

  • Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Baby, I can honestly say that even though you posted anonymously.. I knew it was your story right off. I am so proud of your strength, determination and devotion to your children and husband. My words cannot express how grateful I am to still have you in this world, even though I can’t be right there with you. You ARE an amazing woman, and I am proud to be able to call you my sister and friend. I love you sweetheart, and I am glad that you shared your story for other women.

  • Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Michelle, I can personally vouch for her, she is one AMAZING mother!!! And a very strong person.

  • Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    I have scar just like that. I fight with self esteem about it everyday. But I’ve learned to live with it. Mine came from internal bleeding tho.

  • Sunday, September 2, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Amazing story from an amazing woman. You are beautiful inside and out. Rock that two piece bathing suit…you’ve earned it!

  • Monday, September 10, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Your story brought me to tears…Here i am feeling sad about some stupid little stretch marks when you fought for your life and to be with your family….

    God blessed you immensely with the courage to hold on for them… amazing woman :)
    I am waiting for my first to be born anyday now and when i hold him in my arms i will i will think of your courage!
    bravo… a true mother’s love!

  • Wednesday, September 12, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    awww Rachel, Good Luck with your little one!
    I to worried about a few little stretch marks with my first. Now I feel stupid about worrying about them. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Ive got a awesome scar, that my oldest two kids think is the coolest thing ever!

  • Saturday, September 15, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Amazing story. Thank you for sharing. Your scar is pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. So proud of you and I don’t even know you!

  • Saturday, October 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Oh, sweetie, I am in tears for you here. I am so sad for what happened to you and how no one trusted or listened to you. And I am also in tears for you because of how amazing you seem to be despite all of what’s happened. Your story is truly an inspiration. You are a fighter, mama. Not only a survivor, but a conquerer!

    Much love to you, brave woman with a badass scar.

    And I LOVE that you wear a two-piece. <3

    [Oh, and that note from your sis had me in tears, too. My sister was such an amazing support for me after our traumatic birth.]

  • Saturday, October 20, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    OMG! The first part of your story had me in tears! It sounds just like mine! I went in for an induction with my daughter and after 12 hours of labor my OB decided to do a c-section. My epidural didn’t work right while I was laboring they kept having to give me “boosts” of it. When my anesthesiologist prepped me for surgery he pinched all over my lower stomach to make sure I was numb. I kept telling him I felt it, but he kept telling me I was feeling pressure not pain, completely ignoring me! I KNOW the difference between pressure and pain. They took me to the OR and he checked again and I still felt him pinching me but again he didn’t believe me and told me I was feeling pressure. They started the surgery, I started screaming and trying to claw at my husbands arm telling him to make them stop. They finally stopped but they were already all the way through and about to cut into my uterus. The anesthesiologist leaned over me and told me he was going to have to put me to sleep. I started screaming because I didn’t want to miss my daughter being born. His exact words for me were “Either deal with the pain or be put to sleep.” I couldn’t do it though! I was hurting so bad! They put me to sleep and kicked my husband out. We both missed the birth of my daughter, I missed her first cry, everyone at the hospital got to see her before me. I barely even remember holding her for the first time because I was so out of it from the morphine! I was so naive with that pregnancy. I have done research and changed doctors. I WILL not let this happen again with my next child!

  • Friday, November 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    wow!! Thanks for sharing. I cried. I am so glad you are ok and here alive with your kids and husband.. Blessings to you and your family.. I do think your scar looks cool .. glad you wear a 2 piece!!

  • Monday, September 30, 2013 at 10:57 am

    amazing how the doctors know more about how we feel than we do isnt it went through a surgery after being told i didnt and couldnt be having the pain i said i was having then had an obstruction on my bowel and it busted had poison all through my body was in hospital for 10 days almost died so i wonder if they ever listen to what the patient is really saying i hardly see a doctor now because i lost a lot of trust in them

  • Tuesday, November 5, 2013 at 10:10 am

    You are an amazing women..
    You give me hope. I hope you in a good health condition now, and not self-concious anymore.

  • Saturday, December 7, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    Hannah, I will have health issues for the rest of my life sadly. Along with surgerys to correct adhisons I have a weakened immune system and endometriosis which causes bad cysts abd now have a heart

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