Age: 21
Number of pregnancies/births: 2 pregnancies/1 birth
Age of baby/how far postpartum: 5 weeks
I was born short and fat, and stayed that way for my entire childhood and teen years. I started middle school at 4’10” and 160lbs. Both of my parents, as well as most of my family in general, are overweight, my mother having hypothyroidism. Weight was always a sensitive issue for me. Growing up seeing my mother complain about she looked and how much she weighed, it made it hard for me. And then when I started middle school it went further downhill, as I was the awkward fat girl that was pushed around and teased for her weight.
By my sophomore year of high school, I had developed anorexia in a desperate attempt to be accepted by my peers. I managed to get down to 125 pounds at 5’2″ but I still felt fat, and being a size 6/8 was too big in my opinion. When I would confide in my family or my doctors about my weight issues, they all stated that I was genetically predisposed to be fat, and that it was going to get worse if I ever had a baby. But even with all of my fears and anxieties over how I looked, I still wanted to be a mother more than anything else in my life.
My views on sexuality were very warped due to being molested by my father as a child and preteen, and being raped by a close friend when I was just barely 13. But I grew up believing that even if someone tries to take your virginity from you physically, it is not gone until you agree to give it away. This is where my first experience with my now husband came in.
We had first met as teenagers, I was 15 and he was 16. We were at his place of work, he was a referee for paintball(I went quite often with the guys I knew from being in band). We ended up being friends for a while, and then being the teenagers we were, our friendship led to sex. Unfortunately, we lost contact shortly after due to my getting a new phone and us going to different schools. But we were reconnected later when I moved out of my parents house and he came with a mutual friend to help me move my larger boxes and furniture. We ended up moving in together about a month after I had fully moved into the apartment myself. We were married shortly after this, and about 6 months after we got married I got pregnant with our little boy.
My pregnancy was an eventful one to say the least. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks due to severe bleeding caused by a horrible flair of my ulcerative colitis(which is like crohn’s but only in the colon and lower intestines). I was so scared I was going to lose the baby because of how much blood I had lost. But little guy was still healthy as ever, and my body seemed to give him what he needed before me, so while I suffered my baby was still safe. I ended up losing 15 pounds in the hospital even though I was eating 6 times a day, and the nurses panicked over this, but I was still able to walk so my doctors said not to worry.
But by the end of the pregnancy I had gone from 135 pounds to 180, and I gave birth by scheduled c-section to my 6lb 9oz son, Demetri at 39 weeks. Due to the infusions I have to have for my colitis, I am not able to breast feed, so I lost that experience, but have had no problems at all bonding with my baby and he is now 88% in height and 55% in weight, the exact opposite of me when I was his age.
I weighed 168 Pounds leaving the hospital on the 4th day. I was riddled with stretchmarks and figured, since I had a c-section, I was doomed to have a belly apron of extra skin for the rest of my life, and that I was going to stay as large as I was that day forever as well, taking after the rest of the women in my family. My doctors wrapped me in a compression belly band right after I was stitched up after the surgery, and having heard wonderful success stories about them I decided to wear it all the time until I was were I wanted to be with my postpartum body. So far the stretchmarks are less than half of what they were the day I gave birth, and the belly flap is nowhere to be seen. I give all of the credit for this to the belly band. I am currently down to 145 pounds at 5 weeks pp, have been able to fit my pre-prego jeans since week 3 with them fully buttoned and zipped, and I have been given the ok since week 4 to do light to moderate exercise when I feel good enough for it(which is at least every other day).
I have been doing flirty girl fitness(the dance aerobics ones) and belly dancing for almost 2 weeks now, and the results from it are mind blowing to me. I grew up with such a huge fear of being like everyone else in my family after giving birth, and now I have my little miracle and my body is getting into better shape than it has ever been before. I feel like the universe has granted the three biggest wishes I ever had, to be a mommy, to have a wonderful husband(who is very much a partner in life as well as a companion), and to have the body that I want instead of the body everyone else said I would have. I am currently finishing up in college and am looking to work as a dancer(no, not a stripper) to help bring in some money as I finish up my degree in education and psychology. I would like to be either become a marriage counselor or a sex therapist, as I have a deep rooted connection to the issues that come with a bad/troubled relationship(my parents) and the damage caused by sexual trauma and confusion due to the past. I feel like I have been given what I wanted and need, so I want to do the same for those who haven’t yet.
Pictures:
first 3 are my progression pictures so far, 4th one is my gorgeous little boy, and the 5th one is Demetri and his wonderful daddy :)
Updated here.
