PCOS

Plus Sized Mummu

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, PCOS, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 4 Comments

2pregnancies, 2 births, 2 boys.
13 months pp.
22 yrs old.

I was told from about 16 that I would never fall pregnant, due to scarring on my uterus and falopian tubes from PCOS. Id had my period since I was 13, and was producing 3-4 eggs per month, but none of them would implant, thats what the doctor had told me.
At 17, fresh out of highschool I found myself pregnant. I weighed 98kgs when I fell pregnant and was a size 16 jeans, 16 D bra. After leaving an abusive relationship, going into early labour and suffering through preaclampsia, gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, I was induced 2 weeks after my due date. 3 hours of very easy labour later I delivered a beautiful baby boy, 7 pound 9. I weighed 110kgs
I met mhy now husband in highschool, when we were 14, but we never stayed together long enough t fall in love. I saw him in July 2007, when my son was 8 months old, and we fell in love. He moved in 3 weeks later, and we got engaged in december of that year. We got married in August of 2008, and after struggling to fall pregnant, we found out we were expecting on our wedding day! I weighed 135 kgs the day we got married. The weight gain was due to my PCOS getting worse, and the medcation.
In April, 2 weeks after my due date, I travelled 900kms by myself to the only hospital in my state that will deliver women with a BMI of 41 or over. I was induced, and 12hrs of hard labour and one shot of morphine later, I had held the most beautiful baby boy in my arms for a split second before the doctors took him away because he wasnt breathing. I rang my husband 5 minutes later to tell him our baby wasnt breathing, that he was slipping away from us, and when he answered, our baby screamed for the first time! So daddy got to hear hos first breath. He is aour little miracle baby, and though he was nearly taken from us again at 8 months old when he choked, he is here with us still, and 13 months old. He was born 9pound 8. I weighed 116kgs a week PP, but quickly put the weight back on when I went on the pill. Im not 127.9kgs, and following a calorie controlled diet and exercise regime. This is my body, and while I dont love it, I am not ashamed! I am proud and greatful that I got to experience something I techinocally never should have!

Struggling with PCOS (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Ages: Son = 5 years old, Daughter = 3 months old
Post-Partum: 3 months

I have always struggled with my weight. I’ve been on diets, exercise regimes, and even pills. When I was 17, I was so disgusted with my weight that I turned to anorexia. I refused to eat. By the time I was 18, I lost 100lbs. I felt good, even though I went about losing the weight in a very unhealthy manner. I met my now-husband the end of 2002. We fell in love quickly and for once…my weight didn’t matter. I kept my weight even during that time and then found out I was pregnant with my son January of 2004.

I didn’t realize his pregnancy would change my body image.

I had a relatively easy pregnancy with him. Mild heartburn, some swelling…by the end of the pregnancy….I had gained 100lbs. The weight that I lost, was now back.

I had to have an emergency C-Section with him, which ruined my chances of being able to use my lower abs to their full potential, during weight loss. I had a hard time even ab-curling 10lbs…

The extra weight triggered PCOS, which means Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have the multiple cysts on my ovaries, the weight gain, the difficulty losing weight, lower progesterone, higher testosterone…

In 2006, I got pregnant for the 2nd time. We were happy. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 12 weeks. The baby died at 8 weeks. After talking with my OB/GYN, the PCOS could have caused the miscarriage.

I didn’t get my PCOS diagnosed officially until April of 2009.

I had to endure 3 years of wanting a baby, trying for a baby, and not being able to get pregnant. I finally went searching and doctor after doctor after doctor told me the same thing: I’m too fat.

They never wanted to see why my body wasn’t wanting to bounce back. They never investigated my lack of period…

I met my new OB and he changed my life. He diagnosed me, he helped me conceive my daughter…

My pregnancy with my daughter was ROUGH, to say the least. I was constantly sick, lost a lot of weight in the beginning.

At the end, I had gained only 13lbs. Two weeks PP, I found out I had lost 26lbs!

I’m 3 months PP, and I love my mommy-body. I have lost almost 40lbs since the week before I gave birth. I would love to get healthier, but this body is something I have to live with forever. It’s not going to magically go away on it’s own and it’s not going to become super-model worthy.

My body is super-mom worthy.

Blue shirt picture (side view) = Me at 18, after losing 100lbs.
Blue nightgown, pregnant belly = Me at 19, a month before giving birth to my son.
Pink pregnant belly = Me at 25, day of C-Section with my 2nd baby.
Last four photos = Me now after losing 40lbs.

Krystle

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, PCOS, Postpartum, Pregnant, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies/Births: 1
Almost 13 weeks postpartum
Keywords: postpartum, pregnancy, 1st time mom, vaginal birth

After trying for months to conceive unsuccessfully, my husband and I visited a new OB who prescribed clomid. I believed that I was not ovulating, however he thought everything was fine. I got pregnant on the first round of clomid and we were so excited. It was shortlived because the entire pregnancy was a roller coaster from the very beginning. I thought that I just had a cyst from the clomid because of extreme pain, the gyno (not ob, different office) asked me to take a pregnancy test to make sure. I just KNEW i wasn’t pregnant because I had been in the hospital around february 22nd for the same pain which they attributed to my interstitial cystitis and I was negative. Last period was 2/2/09 & I took clomid on days 3-5. We ended up conceiving on February 14th, between all of the pain and my interstitial cystitis flair that was the only time we had sex within the correct time span.
Much to my surprise, the test was positive. I was like, “what the hell is this?!” So i waited a few hours and took a digital test to be sure.

I went in and had an ultrasound done, which showed I did have a large cyst and it looked like my uterus was getting ready for an implantation but the egg had not yet implanted. This was on March 4th, I went to Florida that week for a vacation with a friend and had alot of pain. The ER dated me 5 weeks 6 days and no heartbeat but not ectopic. A week later exactly I went back to my gyno here, they dated me 5 weeks 6 days, low heart rate (low 80’s) and said to prepare that I would probably lose the baby. I was devastated. Then i got to thinking..I couldn’t have been 5 weeks 6 days that week prior and they must have measured wrong and I was so upset that the doctor didn’t think of any alternative reasoning. Plus the heart had just formed so it’s going to have a low rate. I got a 2nd opinion 2 days later and our babies heart was still beating, still on the low side but she ended up being just fine. I was on bedrest from 16-19 weeks then i had a partial placental abruption and hemorrhaged at 22 weeks, so I was on bedrest for another 3 weeks after that. I had spotting the entire pregnancy and I didn’t start to really enjoy any of it until the 3rd trimester.

I’m 5’1 and pre-pregnancy I weighed around 123. I’ve never had a flat stomach, but I was happy with my weight. I wore a size 5 jeans/pants, however most of my jeans were bigger 3’s that I shoved my fat butt into anyway. We all have our favorite jeans that we don’t want to give up. When i was 18 I weighed 107, and by the end of 2007 I weighed 115 and then ended up around 123. I actually ate better during the weight gain but honestly i wasn’t every super skinny, imo. For my height/build I was pretty average.

I started to get stretchmarks around 16 weeks..on my butt, and ended up with them everywhere. I have them on my stomach, thighs, butt, CALVES! I got PUPPS also, which made them appear much worse.
Upon delivery I weighed 165lbs. I remember how upset I was when i went over the 160 mark. I didn’t gain a single pound up until the 19week mark and I was pretty upset by that. My clothes didn’t fit & I had to wear maternity clothes but weight was I was not up at all. I ended up making up for it, that’s for sure!
I had a very quick labor (under 7 hours start to finish) and a completely natural birth complete with 40+ stitches from an episotomy. Even with a not so great pregnancy and hard birth recovery we both wanted #2 right away. We are now on the one & done train, for multiple reasons. One reason is that I can’t stand to see what my body would like like after #2, and I know thats selfish but thats how I feel, honestly.

I’ve seen a couple women on this site who look EXACTLY like I do which is comforting. I’m hoping I will, “go down” more, but don’t have much faith in that.

I wouldn’t be having such a hard time dealing with my new body if six, SIX people in public hadn’t asked me, when I was due/didn’t know I was expecting/wow you’re having 2 really close together/when are you gonna have that baby/is it a boy or girl. SERIOUSLY? That’s what has really given me serious body image issues.

I also think that if my breasts were even slightly bigger (i’m a small A) maybe my stomach wouldn’t look so huge..it’d be more proportional.

I’m hoping I can find the time to workout and stick with it, i’m working full time right now and I feel that I don’t have enough time in the day already!

Thanks ladies! (sorry so long!!)

My current weight is 140lbs.

ETA… I’ve since been diagnosed with PCOS, (I knew something was up because I still had not starting my period at 10 weeks post partum & I only breastfed for a few days before my supply dried up/she wouldn’t latch) So I really wasn’t ovulating which is why we couldn’t get pregnant.

Undewear only photo is today, 2.8.2010, bra photo was 12.7.2009 & at 38 weeks 3 days pregnant, I delivered at 39 weeks 5 days. And finally, my gorgeous daughter, Peyton. She really was worth all of it, don’t get me wrong.

Daily Struggle (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 23 Comments

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your child: 4 yrs

I have wanted to contribute here for a while but didn’t know if I could contain all my thoughts on my body image/pregnancy to a few paragraphs. Always needing to do things either perfectly or not at all I have avoided it, but I need to get these thoughts out for myself as well as others who can relate.

I have always had a poor relationship with my body and appearance. I was overweight as a child through the age of 13 when I lost around 50 lbs on my own. At thirteen seeing the difference between how you are treated at 170 lbs and 120 lbs is a difficult thing to handle. Although I lost weight I was still unhappy with my body because I had stretch marks and a little lower belly pooch. I never developed much in the way of boobs. I did not wear bikinis EVER.

Fast forward to college years and a history of eating disordered behavior and bad choices with guys. The beginning of my junior year I finally met a “nice” guy who respected me. We were together for about 8 months when I found out I was 5 months pregnant (I have PCOS and was told I would probably need help getting pregnant, not so!) I am so so so blessed that this happened with the most amazing guy and love of my life. We are still together, engaged and soon to be married!

My pregnancy was easy, although I did gain 50 lbs going from 120 to 170. I did not get to many new stretch marks except for on my boobs. Most of the “flaws” garnered from pregnancy were ones I had pre-pregnancy (stretch marks, tummy pooch, loose skin) My son Nolan was born on October 9, 2005. My labor and delivery only took about an hour and I know I am very lucky with that!

Now to get to my current state of self acceptance or self hatred rather: I am currently 4 years postpartum. I lost the weight within a few months and have stayed between 115-125 @ 5’4″ for the past 4 years. I know many people would consider me lucky and some may think I am crazy for not being happy with myself. With that said, I am at constant unrelenting odds with myself to accept and be happy with my appearance.

There are times that I am happy with how I look but it never lasts, I will see a bad picture or obsess over my small boobs and extra skin. I did workout a lot over this past year and will admit I probably look the best I ever have but the problem is that it is never good enough there is ALWAYS ALWAYS something that needs to be fixed. I did finally gain the courage this year to wear a bikini though.

Some people may look at my pictures and feel bad or possibly some jealousy (I only say this because I have had these feelings) My point is that I do not intend that AT ALL and if you knew the constant struggle and inner turmoil I have everyday you would not have an ounce of jealousy. I am extremely jealous of all the women who have found self acceptance and I would take extra stretch marks and softness if I could be at peace with myself.

I think all the women on this site are beautiful and fine the way they are but somehow I cannot convince myself of the same thing. My main point of this all is to say that it does not matter what you look like only that you are happy with yourself. In this society all women are made to feel like they are not good enough and nobody wins in this situation. Everyday I have this constant struggle with myself when I should be worrying about MUCH more important things. Appearance is trivial and yet somehow I cannot get past it.

The pictures I included are ones I took recently in an attempt to find confidence in myself. I am one to always avoid cameras and I do not have many pictures of myself. I know these pics are taken in a flattering light, that is my baby steps lol. Also included some pics of my beautiful boys who give me strength each day. I don’t know if I conveyed all the things I wanted to in this post but I made an attempt and that is a step in the right direction for me!

Staying Hopeful. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Infertility, No Photos (Story Only), PCOS, Question, Submissions 17 Comments

25 years old
I’m not pregnant, yet, nor have I ever been pregnant. I figured this would be the perfect place to come for support with infertility. My partner and I have been trying to conceive going on 2 yrs. I’m hoping that there are mothers here on The Shape of a Mother that have been through the same thing my partner and I are going through right now. Like most women, that’s one thing I look forward to is motherhood and starting a family. I am a little, or uh maybe a lot afraid that we may never have children, thinking about it gets me all teary eyed. My best friend has two children and truth be known seeing her with them, makes me just want to breakdown. While I’m so very happy for her, it’s still something I’m very sensitive and slightly jealous of I really hate saying that but it’s the truth. Hearing her talking about having more kids and looking at baby clothes when we go shopping together makes me want to curl up in a little ball and weep. I went to the gynecologist recently to talk about infertility and he put me on birth control for 3 months to try to get me ovulating regularly, I have monthly periods but my cycle is irregular. Has anyone out there had any luck with the birth control method? I also have a ultrasound scheduled in Jan, which I’m really freaking out about, they’ll be checking for PCOS. I’m hoping and praying I do not have that, but there is a chance that I might because of some symptoms. The only problem I do not have that most ppl I know with PCOS have is being overweight. I lost 70 pounds when I was 18 and I have been up and down for years, but I have stuck around 150 the last couple years. I’m really insecure about my body, because the stretch marks I have from losing weight and I joke I look like I’ve had children but I havent. I’m hoping the ultrasound can help to narrow down what it is that’s keeping us from conceiving, whether it be PCOS or nothing. so we can hopefully start our little family soon. I’m definitely trying to stay hopeful but I know in the end I’ll be devastated if I find out we cannot have children.

PCOS and Me (Brittany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Infertility, PCOS, Submissions 17 Comments

I found out a year ago now that I have PCOS. Since kindergarten I have been “mothering” everyone. I have always dreamed about being a mom and I feel that is what I was born to do. But with the PCOS and being addicted to junk food I just dont know how Im going to be able to accomplish that task. Ive tried a lot to get myself motivated to lose the weight, ive even put newborn shoes on my wall. I just ache all the time, my muscles ache, my back…everything aches. Four years ago I went through something that really broke me. I still havent gotten over it and I think my fear of losing the weight way outweighs my need for a child. at least right now. That sounds horrible but Im so scared to be smaller. Im scared to look good. I dont even know if im able to have children. I think I just need the support of someone who understands what im going through. This site has often inspired me to be ok with my body, but now that I know it might hurt my chances of being a mother…its hard to accept myself the way I am. I dont see myself as others do. I know this is a site for pregnant woman and mothers but seeing the support given really inspired me to write in. Thank you.

These Pictures were taken Today 10/22/2009

Updated here.

Self appreciation, finally. (Cynthia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

Pregnancy can make you feel like your body is no longer your own. It can ruin your self-esteem and make you hate the shell you’re living in. But for some people pregnancy can finally make you feel like your body is WORTH something. This is my story…

I’ve always been a bigger girl. I’ve hated my body my entire adult life. I have had stretch marks everywhere since I was 14. I went from a size 11 to a size 22 in about 4 years. It was devastating and I never thought I’d be able to love myself.
My fiance and I started trying to conceive in December of 2006. I knew that it would be a long hard road. (I have PCOS and it took a while to find out I wasn’t actually ovulating despite having normal periods thanks to Metformin.) I worked on my diet and I tried to exercise, knowing that losing weight would help my fertility and boost my confidence. I fluctuated between losing and gaining the same 10 pounds the entire time we tried to make this happen.
I am 5’4″ and weighed 247 pounds the day we got our positive pregnancy test. Surprisingly I’ve lost 11 pounds since then and I feel better about my body than I ever have in my entire life. I haven’t changed pants sizes or shirt sizes. I’ve gotten rounder and now that I finally look pregnant at 23 weeks I feel fabulous.
I may be overweight (according to most weight charts–morbidly obese) but god damn, I can make a human life, and that is what this is all about. My body can do what a size 6 body can do, what a size 11 body can do, what most women can do… and in the process make me happier than I have been in my life.

And for good measure, a pre-pregnancy picture, from about November 2006. And a belly picture from yesterday at 23 weeks 3 days pregnant.

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: This is my first pregnancy.

A Dream Come True! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

When I was 21, a senior in a BSN program and 5 months away from marrying my high school sweetheart my doctor told me that I had PCOS and that my chances of having children was slim and unknown. In fact, she said we won’t know if I could have children until I tried, so in April 2008 we decided we were close enough to graduating and the wedding date to start trying. As May rolled around I was so wrapped up in wedding plans and graduation requirements that I didn’t realize that my period was late until I was over two weeks late. I doubted that I could be pregnant, it couldn’t be that easy, but I tested anyway. After three positive pink lines I was still in denial! Two days later I tested again and YUP! still positive and I was overjoyed and terrified all at once. PCOS not only causes infertility issues but also a greater chance of miscarriage so I was afraid to do anything for the first 12 weeks in fear that it would “cause a miscarriage”, which I know isn’t really possible but I was so afraid. Well 12 weeks turned to 30 weeks and then 40 weeks and I had done it! My body had created this amazing baby, nurtured her and kept her safe from harm for 10 months and I cannot be more proud. I was induced two days before my due date but after laboring for over 30 hours the doctor decided it was time for a c-section. Julianna arrived on her due date weighing 7 lbs. 7oz and she was 21 inches long. She is perfect and amazing and everything we could have asked for. My husband is so in love with her and thanks me daily for his special gift. I weighed 143 lbs before becoming pregnant and weighed 163 lbs at 40 weeks. At one week pp I was back to my pre-preg weight and by 9 days pp I weighed less than I did pre-preg. I am EBF and currently weigh 135 lbs. I credit the BF for my weight loss, along with the fact that I was back to my normal exercise routine by two weeks pp. I am thrilled with my pp body, in fact I feel sexier now that I ever did pre-baby. I got a few stretchmarks on my belly during my last week of pregnancy but they are fading fast and I often forget they are there. I am so proud of what my body was able to do, so happy to be a mother and extremely blessed to have such a loving husband and sweet baby girl. My pictures are me at 38 weeks pregnant, 6 weeks pp, two at 10 weeks pp, a close up at my strechmarks and finally me and my princess today.

18 Months After CS and a Beautiful Girl… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

This is my body now. I hate it. After my CS i was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Polycystic ovarie syndrom. Because of the Polyblabla its hard to lose weight, since everything you eat gains on the stomach. I was a size 36(european sizes.. small/medium) the day i had my girl, and the day after i was a size 46. I got a beautiful daughter and a body i hate, that is not mine, but her mothers. I feel so disgraced that she has to live with a mother like me, what will she think? Why me, why did i have to get diseases like that, making me invalid at 25… I try so hard to accept my body, and when i see all the skinny, beautiful women here i tend to get happy but also sad; you all look great!!! Luckily my husband loves me and my body, so i cope “fine” with it, but its a war inside.