Mom over 30

I Control My Body, My Body Does Not Control Me! (Danielle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

My age: 35
Number of children: 2 – Daughter 3yrs, Son 5 months

No one ever told me anything about what happens after pregnancy – the fatigue, depression, mood swings, bleeding for weeks, body changes – the list goes on. I was prepared for my baby, but not prepared for what pregnancy did to me.

I got pregnant with my daughter the month I turned 31. It was the first month we tried and my husband and I were ecstatic. I don’t remember much about the pregnancy except the fear and the aches and pains toward the end of the pregnancy. I have been a runner since the age of 19 and so continued to run while pregnant. I ran up until I was around 32 weeks along. In the end, I gained 40lbs and got severe, sudden onset pre-eclampsia and had to be induced. My beautiful baby girl was born healthy and full-term at 37 weeks weighing 5lbs 11.5oz, 17in long. She is the joy of my life.

After her birth, I continued to have high blood pressure for a couple of weeks and developed PPD along with strange looking bruised spots on my lower legs which I later learned can be caused by high blood pressure. I was unable to breastfeed my daughter because the doctor gave me water pills which dried up my supply. This didn’t help with my depression. I had suffered with depression before, but nothing prepared me for PPD. I do not believe in taking anti-depressants so I handled my PPD the way I always handled depression – I ran.

At first I thought the running was going to kill me. I remember the first time I tried to run I barely made it 100 yards. I could feel my tummy jiggling and that really upset me. I wondered if I would always feel that and I had thoughts of giving up and accepting failure. But I kept trying to run, even holding my tummy and wearing tight fitting pants to hold it in. Eventually I could run a mile, then two, then three and more. And eventually my tummy stopped jiggling.

In 3 months I dropped all of the pregnancy weight (I had 25lbs to lose) and, though still slightly depressed, I felt more like myself than I had for six months prior. Around that same time I ran a 10k and finished in an hour flat. It felt good! By 6 months postpartum I weighed the same as I did prior to becoming pregnant and was a whole dress size smaller.

I got pregnant with my second child almost two years later. This pregnancy was a lot more memorable and I was very comfortable with being pregnant. I took belly shots and documented the pregnancy up until the day I delivered my son at 39 weeks. I gained 35lbs and, as with my first pregnancy, I ran up until I was 32 weeks along, but, unlike with my daughter, I continued to walk every day for 30 minutes until he was born. There were no complications with his delivery. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 19.5 inches long. He is the love of my life.

This time I lost all of my pregnancy weight by 4 weeks postpartum. I believe it was because I pumped for four weeks to give my son as much breast milk as I could. I did not get PPD either. Instead, I felt amazing! I started running again at 2 weeks postpartum. A month later I added toning exercises. I currently work out 45-60 minutes a day, five days a week, and vary my workout between running, cycling, step aerobics and body toning exercises. Do I have to work out so much? No. I could keep my body looking like it does working out half that much, but I LOVE working out. It is time for ME and I feel powerful when I do it because I know that my body doesn’t control me – I control my body.

I am now 5 months postpartum and weigh the same as I did pre-pregnancy. I did not get any stretch marks from either pregnancy and the extra skin I do have is minimal. I do remember having less extra skin after my first pregnancy than I got this time around and it upsets me a little, but I know that if I continue to watch what I eat and exercise that the skin will eventually return to how it was pre-pregnancy, just like it did after my daughter. I started out a C cup and with each pregnancy, went up to a DD cup, and then back to a C cup. The only thing different about my breasts is that they are a little less perky, but otherwise look the same.

My only complaint about my body now is that I have spider veins in my lower leg and still have those strange bruise-like spots on one calf. I plan on getting laser vein treatments but am waiting until I know for sure if I will try for a third child. My doctor told me the veins are genetic, but considering the other genes I could have inherited, I am not complaining.

I could not find any photos of me pre-pregnancy for comparison, but I can tell you my body looked the same about six months after my first baby as it did pre-pregnancy.

SOAM Changed Me (Corinne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 6 Comments

Age 33
3 Children; 12 years old, 20 months old and 8 days old.
3 Pregnancies, 8 days PP

Previous posts here and here.

I still remember the sick feeling I felt when I saw that my post had appeared on SOAM. I very nearly emailed Bonnie straight away to ask her to take it down. I decided to keep the fact I’d posted it a secret from people I knew and then I read it myself and looked at the photos as I would look at photos of another woman. I realised that my words of confidence didn’t reflect how I truly felt, but looking at those photos I realised my body was beautiful. I went on to share the post with some friends and family.

With my second post I felt so much more confident and loved taking the photos. I think it shows.

This experience inspired me to start my own blog in order to share my experiences through pregnancy and after. I hope that women in the UK will share their experiences in a similar way to this site. I know this site is open to anyone but it is lesser known in the UK. Since starting the blog I have felt truly confident and have loved writing it, I have also had many people tell me it has helped them and for that reason alone I feel proud.

I would like to end by saying a HUGE thank you to Bonnie for SOAM and for helping me change the way I feel about my body. I am thrilled to be able to say I love my post pregnancy body too, it has done an amazing job producing my 3rd baby boy, Wilfred. Already my belly is shrinking back, it’s always going to be a bit wobbly and stretch marked but I am looking forward to getting back out on my bicycle and getting fit so I can be a healthy, happy woman and mother.

I will leave you with some photos, me at 41 weeks pregnant, my stomach immediately after the birth and 7 days post partum.

Surfin’ Mama (Gia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 39
2 boys ages 5 years and 10 months
10 months post partum

I have a scar on my calf. It is thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes it fades just a little bit more. That makes me sad, because I love this scar. I loved it even more when it was new, thick, and hideously red. When people saw it, they were prompted to ask, “How’d you get that scar?” I would proudly say, “When I was first learning to surf.” Then I would tell them about how I paddled out on a day that I shouldn’t have. The waves were overhead, the rip current churning, the black flag thwacking in the wind, but I hopped on my board anyway. I paddled through the whitewash, duck-dove through the impact zone, and waited through several sets to gather the courage to drop into one of those ferocious waves. When I finally did, my timing was just a little bit off, and I went over-the-falls. For the non-surfers reading this, that’s when the wave drags you up and over, then comes crashing down on top of you, bashing you into the ocean floor, churning you relentlessly before spitting you out in the shallows. Somewhere in that murky washing machine, a fin on my board sliced through my leg. By the time I struggled back up to the beach, I was bleeding profusely, but I felt strangely exhilarated. I had conquered my fear. It’s a moment I will remember forever.

I don’t feel the same way about the scars on my belly. They are thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes I wish I could erase them completely. If there was a safe, easy, painless way to do it, I wouldn’t hesitate. But a tummy tuck seems extreme in my case, and adding a severe, hip to hip scar to get rid of a bunch of tiny ones, all so I can wear a bikini for three months out of the year, seems a little illogical. I’m not sure why I can’t embrace them like some of you. I love my kids, and stretch marks are a small price to pay, but I’m not emotionally attached to them in any way. I don’t think stretch marks make me stronger, more interesting, wiser, or more motherly. I don’t think that women who don’t get them are missing out on any sort of badge of honor or courage, “warrior stripes” as some call them. While I respect that others celebrate them, to me, they are not something I’ve earned. They’re just stretch marks.

When I was in my early twenties, I had a roommate who would spend hours examining herself in a magnifying mirror. She would pluck and poke at imaginary flaws in her perfect porcelain skin. When I would ask her what the hell she was doing she would respond, “Can’t you see that?” I tried to explain to her that no one views her through a magnifying glass. No one stands that close, so it’s pointless to look at yourself that way. This didn’t console her, and she would turn back to her mirror and start picking again.

It occurred to me the other morning, when I was standing at the mirror, staring at my belly in the unforgiving morning light, that I also look at myself in the wrong way. People do not just see one part of me, they see the overall shape. They do not stare at my stomach, my nose, my feet (okay, my husband stares at my ass, but you get my point). So I took five steps back and really just looked at the overall package, the way a stranger would look at me. An amazing thing happened. The stretch marks disappeared, and I saw what I am. An athlete. Broad shoulders, muscular arms, toned legs. I saw a healthy, active mother. So whether you’re athletic, curvy, or thin, embrace your overall shape. Forget the cellulite, the wrinkled skin, the moles, the stretch marks. You’re the only one looking at them, in the right light, at the right distance, in the exact position, that amplifies their significance. Then jump into the future for just a moment, and ask your 80 year-old self how she feels about the body you have right now, stretch marks, sagging belly skin and all. You’ll be shocked at the response. You know what mine said? “I just wish I could still paddle out and surf.”
Picts taken today

27 Weeks Pregnant With My Fourth Baby, My First Son (Apryl)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Children with Health Complications, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

With my first pregnancy in 1996 I was 20 years old and have hardly a handful of photos to remind myself of that first beautiful 9 months of my life when I was becoming a mother. With my second and third daughters I took more pictures, I had a digital camera by then and taking belly pictures was somewhat easier, I also had timers so I could rely more on myself than my husband or older child, to get pictures when I wanted them.

Last night I was lying in bed reading with no shirt on due to the warmer weather, feeling my son kick the mattress the way my third daughter always used to, and I reached for my camera in the hopes of getting a picture I would really like. The picture I’m sending turned out well for this particular website, I wouldn’t share a photo that includes my breasts anywhere else.

Speaking of my breasts, I have breastfed my three girls a total of 8 years and 11 months. I hope to nurse my son for 2-3 years, if he is the kind of baby who likes to nurse, my third daughter wasn’t a big nurser.

The baby I’m carrying now, my first son, has a hole in his heart, and possibly Down Syndrome, we are hoping for the healthiest possible outcome at his birth, which would include him staying with us, not needing surgery, and being able to nurse right away. His name is Adam.

I am 35 years old, this is my fourth baby, I had two miscarriages years ago at 5 and 9 weeks. I am 27 weeks pregnant right now. My girls are 14, almost 7, and 4

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood (Maya)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

~Age 34
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4.5 years, 7 months

I thought I was either going to jump out my second story window or smash all the plates in my house. I was just crazy with grief. Imagine finding out you’re pregnant with twins and losing them the same day.

I have a rare condition called incompetent cervix that means the baby is born in the second trimester. Unfortunately that’s way to early to save the baby. I was four months along when I gave birth to a little girl and boy. Immediately after their birth, I went into emergency surgery because I was hemorrhaging through the placenta.

As other people reached out to help me make sense of what happened, I found myself on a journey of self-discovery. Through all the suffering I started to recognize compassion in others regarding problems with pregnancy. It felt like the coolest balm on a hot day.

Instead of jumping out the window, I bought a punching bag. Whenever I got angry about losing the twins, I’d do a few rounds on the bag. I went back to my karate dojo. Four months after my loss, I took part in a karate tournament. Reaching small goals like that kindled a fire that I would one day hold my healthy baby in my arms.

I became pregnant with my son Samuel seven months after losing the twins. I had to get a stitch placed in my cervix to keep the baby in until the ninth month of pregnancy. The operation is called a cerclage. It was hard to go in that operating room knowing it could all end there, but everything turned out fine.

A couple years later I got pregnant by accident and miscarried at the fifth week. I had just earned my Master’s degree. It felt like a rollercoaster not being ready for the pregnancy, then wanting it to continue and grieving for it when it ended.

Three years after Sam’s birth, I became pregnant with my son Levi. The pregnancy started out with twins but the second twin miscarried – it’s called vanishing twin syndrome. I continued to read up on pregnancy and resolved to take charge of the things I could control. My doula, the midwife, the nurse and my husband helped me through a natural birth. I was walking around 20 minutes after Levi’s birth, so that was a victory after all the trouble.

My two sons are healthy and full of spit and vinegar. I love them so much. Even when they make me swear. Through this crazy road to motherhood I’ve learned to fight for the impossible one day at a time.

I’m now seven months postpartum and liking my body. I still have fitness goals I want to reach and some clothes I’d like to fit into, but I think I’m a hot mama. I accept the faded stretch marks, the soft skin on my lower belly, the bigger belly button, the stretchy breasts. I don’t want to look like a teenager all my life.

It usually takes me a year to get back into shape through jogging, aerobics, situps and pushups. I’ve learned to practice kindness toward my body, patience, forgiveness – all the good stuff I’d want from my closest friends.

Also I love food. Since I’m breastfeeding I have quite the appetite. I’m not going to take shortcuts on that delicious carrot cake or sizzling Hawaiian pizza just to be a skinny mini! Sometimes I talk to my belly – “That’s ok if you had to have two sandwiches for lunch. You’re amazing.”

Pictures:
Bathing suit before kids
Bathing suit after 2 kids
Doing the hoola after having one kid – 2 years postpartum
Belly pic after having second kid – 3 months postpartum
Sunglasses for everyone

Mother of 3 (Misty)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 20 Comments

Age: 31
3 pregnancies. 3 live births.
Children ages: 14, 12, 10 (All girls)
I am 10yrs postpartum

I am 31yrs old, and the mother of three girls, ages 14, 12, and 10. My first two daughters were born natural, and my last daughter was born by cesarean. I had my first daughter when I was 16, my second daughter when I was 19, and my third daughter when I was 21. It wasn’t until my second daughter, that I developed saggy skin on my stomach area.

This was very hard for me to deal with. I was only 19 at the time, and I felt that I was no longer sexy, and desirable. My self-esteem was affected greatly, for years to come.

I tried everything that I could to look better. I even starved myself down to 105lbs. Nothing I did, could take away the lose skin. I wanted plastic surgery so bad, but I could never afford it.

I breastfed all my children, and I had voluptuous breast at that time. But, the minute that I stopped breastfeeding, my boobs shrank to smaller than an A. This was hard for me to deal with as well. I felt that I had lost all my sexual attractiveness. I couldn’t wear anything that showed my stomach, and my breasts were too small to fit into any bras. It was very stressful.

About 1 yr ago, I gained around 30lbs, and went from 130lbs to 160lbs. The only benefit to this was that my breast got a little bigger. Currently I am trying to lose weight due to health issues.

I wish that I could say that over the years I no longer worry about my body. But, that’s not true. I have accepted the way that it is, but I don’t like it. I live in a college town, so it is really hard for me when I see all the young girls running around in the summer time. Sometimes I still feel like I’m not a woman, or sexy like other women. I feel like I missed out on having a youthful body since mine was messed up at such an early age.

I have had men say very mean and hurtful things about my body, and my body has kept me from doing a lot of things, and having confidence to do things.

But, with that all said, my children are the light of my life. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even the sexiest body in the world, or riches galore. I love you Marissa, Alanna, and Senora!!

The Ups and Downs (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

Pregnancies:6
Births: 4
PP: 130
Full Term: 196
Postpardum: 130
Divorce: 164

Well, I am a proud mom of four kids. I have one girl 11, and three boys 9,7,3. I was able to lose the weight with each kid and after my fourth I was able to get back to my PP weight. However, I got a divorce over 2 years ago and put on almost 40 pounds. I have struggled for a while to get it off and although I am dating a wonderful man who is very loving I still feel pretty bummed about my body. I hate the stretch marks and I hate the loose skin. I am commited to losing the weight now and working out, I just am now almost 32 years old and it takes a lot longer than I remembered. Anyway, I saw this site and have found it inspiring to see and read the stories.

Tired of Feeling Ashamed (Elizabeth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 64 Comments

Previous post here.

I have submitted entries to shape of a mother from my 3rd and 4th pregnancies. Today I felt I need to do this again. I feel horrible about my body today. Yesterday I got into an argument with my youngest child’s father. this is part of an e-mail he sent me;

“Did that guy you were seeing see you naked yet? Cannot blame you for wanting to wait. Don’t wanna scare him off. Better keep your bra on though. After how much they sagged before I cannot imagine how bad they look now. Although they might be full of milk at the moment and temporarily okay. Better hook him now quick before you stop cause its gonna be bad. I don’t remember your body looking good. You forget you had to beg me for sex. I only did to shut you up. Lol. What I remember was a twenty nine year old with the body of at least a forty year old. And I saw a forty year old once and she had three kids and her body was much better. You did not look too bad with your clothes on but… lol. Just sayin. Plus now you got that chunky look. Not my thing. Out of every woman I have seen naked that had kids you have one of the worst bodies I have ever seen. How many have you seen?”

I included what he said to me, because of how much it hurts me to hear the father of my child say these things to me. I wonder if anyone else has been told these things by someone they were once very close to, and how to deal with the hurt. I know my flaws, I had confided in that man about them in the past because I used to trust him. I know what he is saying about how I look is pretty much the truth. I am not blind. I just wish I didn’t care anymore.

I want to be able to say that I am proud of my body for growing and feeding 4 beautiful, healthy babies, and mean it. I want to say that I feel so blessed to have these children that I don’t care what my body looks like at all. I want to feel happy about it, and lucky, and I want to stop being self conscious and ashamed, and sad when I see my self in the mirror after a shower, or if I ever become intimate with someone again. But I don’t see it happening. I was in good shape before this pregnancy but was too sick to exercise during, and I have not started back up, I know that might help my feelings a little, but exercise cannot change some things. wide hips I have always had and stretched out skin. I am most ashamed of my breasts, I have breastfed for over 4 years of my life and counting. I should feel lucky to have had that opportunity and the bonding with my children. I don’t see myself ever spending money on plastic surgery. Even though I want to, I would feel too guilty to spend money on something like that. And I would feel like a fake. I have never really liked my body, never felt comfortable in my skin, even as a child. One thing I always hated was the scar below my belly button from when I was an infant. I never hated the way I look more than I do now. It is definitely amplified after 4 children and being talked to like that by more than one of my exes. Why do I feel so embarrassed about how I look? How can I get over this so I can spend that time on thinking about how awesome my kids are instead of how bad I look? Feeling this way just adds guilt to my shame.

~Your Age: 30 years old
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6 pregnancies and 4 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 14 yrs old, 11 yrs old, 3 yrs old, and 2 months old today :) (2 months postpartum)

What a Mother of Six Really Looks Like (Erykah)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, VBAC 14 Comments

After I had my son in 1999 I felt ruined. I had never witnessed a postpartum stomach that looked like mine and being that I was only 21 years old, I was sure that I was beyond repair unless I had a tummy tuck. And then I had twins and my sense of “ruined” hit me ten fold. My husband assured me that I was beautiful and that I should be proud of my stomach as it was the “house that grew my twins.” We proceeded to have four children in five years including the twins. My stomach has gotten progressively worse over the years. I now have diastasis recti and six wonderful kids. I know that for my health and the preservation of my back muscles, a tummy tuck is in my future. But to be honest even without the diastis, I would still probably opt for a tummy tuck not for shame but because I miss what I used to look like.

~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: Five Pregnancies, Five Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12 years old, 9 years old (non biological), 4.5 years old twins, 2.5 year old and 9 months old. Bikini Picture: 8 months pregnant with number 5; hospital gown 39 weeks 4 day pregnant with twins; outdoor/black shirt picture 40 weeks pregnant with number six.
~I have had two c-sections (1999 and 2006), a hospital VBA2C (2008) and a homebirth (2010)

Just Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions 19 Comments

I’ve been pregnant twice and have a fantastic “5 and 3/4 year old” daughter. I’m 38, 5’2″, and 140 pounds, which puts me right at the beginning of the overweight BMI category [per World Health Organization]. With my ribcage measuring at 30″ and bust at 39″, my bra size is a preposterous 30-I, or 32-H, or 34-G. How much do breasts weigh anyway?

Alongside many survivors of child sexual abuse and neglect I have struggled with disordered eating, body dysmorphia, toxic self-criticism and suicide attempts. I recently realized that perhaps one of the reasons I feel so shocked and dismayed when I catch an unexpected glance of myself in the mirror is that I am looking out with the eyes of a child and looking back as a media-hazed critic aware of the most minute of flaws.

After a flux throughout early adulthood stabilizing my health and weight I arrived pre-pregnancy at 115 pounds quite consciously, still aware of the imperfections of pendulous breasts and compulsively squeezing into jeans that were a size too small, even though I was smaller than most Americans. I breastfed for 2.5 years and happily, sanely, got down to 125 pounds at 3 years postpartum. Then I started taking a beta-blocker medication to reduce PTSD symptoms and my weight went straight up to 140+. I’ve tried for a year balancing calories in and out after quitting the meds to get the weight to drop, but it really isn’t going anywhere despite my ongoing concerted effort! My best hope is to keep it from going up since I’m teetering on the edge of overweight and my mother is obese with diabetes.

I have searched the web for photographs of actual women my age and size in their “natural” state to help me get a grip on body image anxieties, but I’m sure to no surprise, found very VERY few, even though my body type seems to be pretty common. I did find a lot of porn, some celebrations of anorexia, airbrushed and photo-shopped celebrities, and this website. I also found an energetic youTube video from a 18 years younger woman who is my size and happy as a clam, since she just lost 30 pounds to get there.

For my photograph, I choose to use a pose and location that signified feeling good in my body, which I think should be a true and heavily weighted measure of health. I also wanted to include as many of my body parts as possible, to wander away from the fragmented dissociation that is typical with body dysmorphia and celebrate all of the parts that make me. I also wanted to include my face/head, especially after viewing many youTube documentations of weightloss that cut the subject off at the neck. Ironically, as I watched those headless weigh-ins and self-assessments, my appreciation for each woman was unbounded. If I could feel limitless love for the body of a headless stranger, no matter her size, couldn’t I feel it for myself?

Pregnancy changes: My feet increased by 1/2 a size. My hips spread out and added several inches in that area. My breast cup has increased several sizes. If I gain weight now, it is likely to go into my lovely mummy tummy.

I am very happy to participate in this website and hope that many more women do, so that finding reflective non-sexualized images is not a struggle for others. My husband wants to know, is there a “Shape of a Father” website?