Black Lives Matter (Anti-Racism Resources)

I’m officially back, Readers!

I apologize for not having a whole beautifully written statement on the events that have transpired here in the US and across the globe this week. I have long stood with the #BlackLivesMatter movement and I have been sharing everything I can on SOAM’s space on Facebook, so check that out for more resources including an album I am creating with various thoughts and perspectives on racism in the US.

For understanding racism more fully, including historical context:
A Timeline of Events that Led to the 2020 “Fed-Uprising” (Hint: it starts in 1619)

Ben & Jerry are not fucking around.

John Oliver killed it last night with his post on the events in the US this past week. Other timely John Oliver recommendations:
Ferguson, MO and Police Militarization
Police Accountability

Here is a list of Ted Talks to help you understand racism in America

A list of Facebook pages to help parents discuss racism and decolonization.

Resources for protestors:
Teen Vogue killing it again: How to Safely and Ethically Film Police Violence

Broadcastify is a website that allows you to access thousands of local police scanners. I often listen to my local police when I hear a lot of sirens, but during the riot in La Mesa, CA the other night, it was especially helpful.

How to talk about racism, riots and looting, and other related topics:
Why you should stop saying “All Lives Matter” explained 9 ways.

How to respond to “Riots never solve anything!”

Affirming Black Lives Without Inducing Trauma

Tone Policing Is Just Another Way To Protect Privilege

Let me know if there is anything else I should include here. There is a lot to take in here, but I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Keep doing the good work, readers!

Feminist Fridays: Don’t Miss Out on Life During Quarantine!

Before I go on, I want to share two links with you to remind you that it’s okay to not be Super Woman Productive Mom Lady during this time. This is a trauma we are living through, it’s okay to just sit and rest.

~Psychology Today says it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and be unproductive.
~The Chronicle of Higher Education says you should ignore all the coronavirus productivity pressure.

One more thing: I don’t usually get partisan here (political, yes! strictly partisan? not so much), but the United States’ president is leading us quickly into the depths of a fascism that we cannot recover from. In particular in this moment he is threatening to end the United States Postal Service which is the only way we will be able to vote him out of office come November (since this pandemic will almost certainly mean we cannot vote in person). This is perhaps the most serious moment of your life right now: we are at the precipice and we must utilize our remaining political freedoms (responsibilities!) to save the world from Donald Trump. This is that moment that precedes all those dystopian novels you love so much, but don’t want to live through. This is the moment you must act. Find your representatives here and your senators here. If that overwhelms you, check out ResistBot – you can lay in bed nearly catatonic and contact your representatives via text! But whatever you do, please do something.

Okay and here’s the real topic: how to not miss out on life during this time.

A few weeks ago Angie from Mid Drift Movement and I did a livestream together on Facebook (we will be doing these more regularly very soon!) and something we talked about struck this idea in my head that I think is very relevant: we idealize middle adulthood as the absolute epitome of the human experience. Think about it: we ask children what they want to be when they grow up, we talk about who they’ll marry when they grow up, their whole lives are basically about achieving adulthood. Older people romanticize their pasts and talk about when they were young. We sell beauty products to women to keep them looking forever 30 (even though they will still only admit to turning “29 again”). We absolutely worship the idea of our own middle-adult lives.

What this means is that lots of women get stuck waiting. Waiting to be a certain weight is probably one of the biggest things we wait for. We avoid bathing suits, perhaps avoid pools or beaches entirely. We put our lives on hold, limiting our own enjoyment for the time being, waiting for the day when we finally have a body we are happy with.

But here’s the thing: life is happening right now.

Children aren’t waiting for life to begin – life is happening now! Older adults aren’t merely remembering their lives – they are living them!

I think this quarantine is a really good time to reflect back on this. We aren’t waiting for quarantine to be over for life to begin again – we are living life right now!

Take some moments to be mindful each day, to be in the moment. Hold in one hand all your blessings that come with this pandemic – perhaps you are able to get enough sleep finally, or perhaps you have found new and creative ways to connect with people and that fills you up. In the other hand, acknowledge all the challenges. Sit with all that for a few minutes. Just accepting and acknowledging that this is life. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s hard. But be in the moment and remember that life is constant and we aren’t waiting for anything.

So this week be in your life as it happens and next week I’ll talk about how we can use this time to dig into why we choose to present ourselves the way we do (i.e. if you never had to leave your house again – how would you choose to dress? would it be different than how you dress now?).

Stay safe, friends.

Feminist Fridays 4.9.20

Today, I’m going to basically just plagiarize an email that my former Women’s Studies professor sent this week in the college newsletter. The links explore how this disease is affecting different communities, and how society is responding to that. Do you have anything to add?

~This New York Times article about how Coronavirus has shed light on inequalities among students in college.
~”You can’t pick strawberries over Zoom.” This LA Times article examines the inequities facing those who are still picking our food for us. Overwhelmingly Latinx, many undocumented and therefore lacking access to medical care, these people cannot stop working or we will all starve. These people are not being cared for and they are literally our access to survival. Be aware. Vote for changes.

~This one is SO IMPORTANT. People with disabilities are one of the most invisible marginalized groups. This article lays out why some of these decisions being made in regards to the effects Coronavirus is having on our society are harmful to people with disabilities. PLEASE read this one and pass it on.

~This article at Common Dreams is long and complex but very good, so grab your cup of coffee. It lays out how and why women do more work in society and how this pandemic will put even more pressure on women than men during this time.
~And this article from The Atlantic talks about the racial disparity during this crisis. This is an issue that’s getting some attention, if you pay attention. Trevor Noah did a bit on the Daily Show and I’ve seen tweets from Black Americans pointing out that it is less safe (and at times frankly disallowed!) for Black people to wear masks – they are more likely to be seen as a threat and to be a target for mistaken violence by police.

My former professor also shared this article about radical healing from Psychology Today. It’s an excellent read and I hope you choose to, but if you can’t for lack of time or ability to deal with the sheer overwhelm, here’s a summary:

1. Educate yourself and share information about the impact of COVID-19.
2. Nurture your spirituality and practice self-compassion.
3. Stay connected and increase emotional intimacy.
4. Cultivate cultural understanding and curiosity.
5. Take action to address racism and inequities related to COVID-19 and to promote health for all.

I will be back next week to talk about how not to miss out on life during this pandemic. Stay safe, my readers.

Feminist Fridays (Why did I restart this right now??)

Haha, what was I thinking with restarting this right now when literally the only news is gonna be COVID-19-related? Well, perhaps I’ll begin seeking out some uplifting stories, too, to get us through this tough time. Today, though, I think I’m going to share a few thoughts that have been going through my head this week, in this scary time we are living through.

I’ve barely gotten to function this month. After my PMDD episode ended, I only had a few days before the World Got Weird. And the rest of that time has been processing and more depression and anxiety. So I’m more behind than I would be normally. I suspect you may relate.

Last week, Angie of Mid Drift Movement and I did our first joint livestream (click the link, click the link!). This is a project we’ve been wanting to do for more than a year now but as the world has suddenly shifted so drastically we both find ourselves with time to focus on this and a need to support people through technology in more and more personal ways (i.e. facetiming might be the best option many of us have right now for interpersonal connection). We will absolutely be doing more of those in the future and I’m super excited for that!

One of the things that we talked about was this poem by Kitty O’Meara, who was rightfully dubbed the Poet Laureate of the Pandemic by O Magazine.

Make that your prayer right now. These last few years as I have struggled so much, and then since discovering my own neurodivergence, I have learned that rest is not just important, but it is absolutely vital. And if you are doing rest correctly, you will feel lazy and ashamed. It is important work right now to try to let these feelings go because they were taught to you by Capitalism, which is a theory that sees human beings as a means of production rather than as individual people with dreams and lives and needs. This pandemic is showing us, starkly, that Capitalism isn’t working for us right now. Literally at this moment the highest leaders in our country are willing to let a wave of death wash over this nation if it means keeping the stock market healthy. I have news for you: we totally made up the concept of money; human lives are more important than an imaginary concept.

So rest. And flip Capitalism the bird. We are going to rest and heal and destroy the fucking patriarchy once and for all!

Feminist Fridays are BACK – Coronavirus Resource Edition

Last night at midnight California Governor Newsom issued an order that we must all stay home. I am freaked out. We all are. This is, legitimately, freaky. We have never, in all of human history, faces this sort of global lockdown. I believe the professional phrase for this is, “what the actual fuck?”

As I am bringing back Feminist Fridays, it seems apropos to make today’s issue focused on Coronavirus through a feminist lens. And because feminism isn’t feminism if it’s not intersectional, there is information here for other marginalized communities too. Please read it to broaden your mind and pass it along so that those who need them can access resources.

We’re gonna get through this. Humans are incredible creatures with great capacity for flexibility and adaptation. We’ve got this.

Love to you all.

Domestic violence:
“One out of three women in the world experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime” This article from Time lays out a lot of the challenges facing those living with domestic violence right now.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline via text or call at 1-800-799-7233.

(I would like to add acknowledgement to those other, unspoken, abuses like having to live in a hoarder home at this time. I spent my childhood in a hoarder home and wasn’t allowed outside much anyway, but to be fully trapped in one would be even more soul-crushing. And I’m sure there are plenty of other sorts of abuses that people don’t normally think of. I see you. I wish I had more information for you. But I see you and I send you strength and love.)

Women will be harmed more from this crisis, economically and socially, than men.

This is an excellent article from The Atlantic that covers a *lot* of details in a very clear and well-organized way. It explains how the ultimate social responsibilities will fall to the women, as we are traditionally known for our unpaid labor and caregiving. It will also harm us economically more than men. I highly recommend this article.

This New York Times article talks about some of the same things, but focuses on women as healthcare providers, or caregivers, and thus being more at risk of the illness than men, since women are on the front lines more.

Transgender Friends:

Here is a resource with some information and further resources.

Other Marginalized Communities:

NPR has an article from March 11 on how refugees across the world are at particular risk and without protections.

Here is a story from CBS News about the immigrants here in the US that are being held by ICE. Yes, what they are being held in does, in fact, meet the dictionary definition of a concentration camp. And now they are going to be decimated by this disease. This is Nazi Germany, y’alls.

Autistic people, both children and adults, are also particularly at risk during this time. In addition to being a marginalized, disabled community and having all those complications, autistics are also struggling with accessing food they can eat. Often in autism, people have very limited diets and cannot simply switch to a different kind or brand. I do not exaggerate when I say that some autistic people will die of starvation if they cannot access their usual foods. Toilet paper is also sending my house into a tizzy because we cannot with poop. Potentially running out of toilet paper could be a disaster for my family (which is why, if you are *hoarding* toilet paper, I hate you a little bit right now).

I’ve also seen reminder memes going around requesting that autistics be allowed to stim more. Stimming is any sensory stimulation that calms or helps to physically express emotion. The hand flapping that autistics are classically known for (although not all of us do it) is one example.

Why is any of this here at SOAM? How is this related to postpartum body positivity?

Well, lots of reasons. For one thing, we don’t live in a vacuum; everything is interconnected. The Atlantic article I posted above shows a little how this issue – coronavirus – affects so many different aspects of women’s lives. But more than the sheer interconnectedness, it’s important to remember that intersectionality can be particularly heavy for those of us with more than one oppressed identity. All women are at risk from social, medical, and economic problems caused by this virus. But disabled women will be more oppressed. All people with disabilities will be facing more life complications than people who are abled bodied and minded, but women with disabilities will be facing even further limitations. The more oppressed identities you hold, the harder it will be for you during this time. All issues are women’s issues. All issues are feminist issues.

Feminist Friday 4.15


I have just become an influencer over at Mogul ( which is an up and coming new website for women worldwide. I’m super excited about this opportunity because I love Mogul’s mission and the content I am seeing there so far seems to be really great quality. I love this short piece by Kelly Osbourne, and this post by Saundra Pelletier embodies so much of what I want SOAM’s influence on the world to be. So go check it out, sign up, and follow me. Can’t wait to help make the world a little better!

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address ( or over on the Facebook page.

Some links worth your while:
~This is an absolutely heartbreaking story about a home abortion in the days before it was legal.
~This is… a… thing… that happened? Guys try having periods.
~Five feminist documentaries to watch now on Netflix – anyone want to do a watch together and discuss?
~I’m not really 100% sure what’s going on here on Nintendo’s end of the story, but I think we can all agree that Gamer Gate is just the worst.

Follow SOAM:
~Participate here on SOAM.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

Going on in the SOAM community right now:
~Join in on our weekly photo project.
~Participate in our very special, collaborative ten-year anniversary video!
~Join our mailing list for the best way to keep up to date!

Feminist Friday 3.25


Follow SOAM:
~Participate here on SOAM.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

In the SOAM community right now:
~Join in on our weekly photo project.
~Participate in our very special, collaborative ten-year anniversary video!
~Join our mailing list for the best way to keep up to date!

Weekly Awesome:
~Good morning, have some snarky feminist commentary that will give you the giggles.
~Love this beautiful photo series of working moms. <3 ~John Oliver on International Women’s Day last week. If you haven’t seen this yet, it’s golden.
~And don’t forget to check out the Mid Drift Kickstarter. They’re already almost halfway with more than half the month to go!

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address ( or over on the Facebook page.

Feminist Fridays 3.18


Follow SOAM:
~Participate here on SOAM.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

In the SOAM community right now:
~Join in on our weekly photo project.
~Participate in our very special, collaborative ten-year anniversary video!
~Join our mailing list for the best way to keep up to date!

I want to start doing these again. For those who are newer, SOAM used to have a sister site called This is a Woman and I’d do these weekly roundups of inspiring/angering/otherwise important links relating to women in one way or another. I did them here for awhile, too, but you know how Life tends to get in the way and makes Stuff not happen? Yeah. That. But there’s too much information out there that needs to be shared so I’m giving it another go. Technically, I want these to happen on Fridays, but last Friday turned out to need to be delegated to Other Stuff and you know we just did a theme on imperfection in the #soamweeklyphoto so…

Weekly Awesome:
~Mid Drift has a Kickstarter going with a SUPER COOL postpartum beauty body image coloring book you’ll get if you donate. Go chip in a little because we need to work together to change the world for mamas of today and tomorrow.
~I found this article on different patterns of female orgasm extremely interesting and enlightening. According to science, there are three general patterns of female orgasm, and only one of those three is the kind typically portrayed in the media. This, along with the actual anatomy of the clitoris, should be taught in every sex ed class in high schools.
~This is a pretty hilariously empowering response to an unfortunate fat-shaming ad.
~This news is two years old, but always relevant. Ask yourself if you feel uncomfortable with the word “cunt” and if so, you might want to consider why it’s so much more offensive than “dick”.
~Feminist snarkasm is my favorite snarkasm. This one is about “for her” pens. Not PENIS. PENS.
~This whole article is so powerful. It will make you rethink your body. It will also make you want to sext all your friends (no, really. Read the article and you’ll see what I mean.)

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address ( or over on the Facebook page.

Single Momming and College (Feminist Friday 5.22)


You probably saw this photo of this professor last week on the internet. A student in one of his classes in Israel had to bring her baby to class, and when the baby started fussing, she made to leave, but her professor took the baby and soothed him and continued teaching. Which is amazing. I think at least six different people shared it with me on Facebook since the photo went viral. Because the opposite situation of this one happened to me just a few weeks ago.

I’m a single mom and I’m trying to finish my degree finally, years after putting it on hold for many complicated reasons. I don’t have many resources to turn to for babysitting and on one particular day I couldn’t find anyone to watch my 10 year old son. Rather than miss valuable information in a math class, I decided to take him with me. I won’t go into the whole boring, overly dramatic story except to say that I had planned very carefully how to keep him quiet for a whole two hours, I understood I may have to leave if he was disruptive, and yet my college broke their own policy protecting parents and refused to allow me to attend my class. It became a kind of a big deal, I wrote letters to about 20 different people in charge of the college and was given several good apologies almost immediately.

But the whole thing taught me a really important lesson about being a woman, maybe especially a mother. You’re gonna have to struggle the whole way. Not only does the necessity of finding a babysitter for my children fall entirely on me, but there aren’t a lot of resources to help a mom through her education. (I also wonder how a father bringing his child to school would have been received – I suspect it would have been honored for being a responsible father. Honestly, the double standard there is just as harmful for dads as it is for moms. To be surprised when a man is a good father is an insult to men in general.)

So when this professor took that child and allowed that mother to continue her education he made a statement. He told her and all women that he values them, they they deserve the chance to learn, that he will help them succeed. He taught everyone in that class that kids are a normal part of humanity, that mothering is a normal part of humanity to be embraced and supported rather than shunted off, out of view of the world. I mean, really, when you look at it from a biological point of view, parenting children is the actual reason for the human race.

I get it that kids can be disruptive. Believe me. I get that. But think how much better the world could be if children were accepted and expected, if moms were supported in their endeavors to better their lives? We need more men like this. Standing ovation to you, Dr. Engleberg. Thank you.

Now. Onto other stuff this week!

Follow SOAM:
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter and Facebook.
~Participate here on SOAM.

~People can have misconceptions about miscarriage, and that can hurt. An article from that I think too many mamas here at SOAM will relate to. Love you mamas, and your angels.
~This is such an important list I’m gonna save it and link to it permanently.
~Don’t judge people you see based on looks alone. You can never ever know the whole story.
~Learning to love our bodies can be complicated in so many ways. Sometimes they don’t look the way you want, but sometimes they don’t work the way they should.
~Check out the #girls with toys tag on Twitter. Awesome stuff.

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address ( or over on the Facebook page.

Feminist Friday 5.8



So I know I’m behind the times on this (that’s how I roll) (as evidenced by my usage of the phrase “that’s how I roll”) but as I was going through my links for today’s post, I found this one by The Bloggess. She is my personal hero, of course. While silly, I also think this is really valuable to keep in mind in terms of body image. A thumb face selfie is one where you, like, try to make yourself look like a thumb with a face. It’s the thing these days for pretty girls to do, and not only are the funny faces funny enough to make you laugh tears, but it’s also a reminder that “pretty” is a weird concept applied to a very narrow ideal for women. So, basically, I took thumb face selfies FOR FEMINISM. YOU ARE WELCOME. And then, just for kicks, I uploaded them to (be aware that this gives Microsoft the right to use your photos) just to see how old I am. As it turns out, my thumbiest face is that of a 22-year-old man. Because of course.


Follow SOAM:
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter and Facebook.
~Participate here on SOAM.

Interesting articles from around the Web:
~I LOVE THIS KID. I think it’s so important to normalize menstruation, but there aren’t too many teenage boys who agree with that. So here’s this kid and he’s just my absolute hero.
~Miss Piggy is going to receive a feminist award! Which. Well. I LOVE Muppets and I LOVE LOVE Miss Piggy so yay! But I have to wonder if this doesn’t distract from the hard work many feminists are doing this year? (I KNOW. I feel like I have to punish myself for even saying that Miss Piggy isn’t a hard-working feminist. BAD MUPPET NERD, BONNIE.) Perhaps they could have double up on the awards this year?

On a much more somber note:
~This is heartbreaking and nauseating. I just don’t even have words for how devastating it is.
~And this isn’t much better.

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address ( or over on the Facebook page.