Breasts

Crazy Boobs (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

My breasts were always a bit different, one was a tiny bit bigger than the other, you’d have to be real close or touch them to feel the difference, but since I gave birth a year ago, it completely changed. I tried breastfeeding my daugther but it never really worked. I breastfed her for a week before switching to formula saving both her health and my mental health (I was a crying mess, feeling guilty and unworthy), I don’t regret this choice, breastfeeding is beautiful but not possible for all woman and it’s ok. Only my right breast (the ”biggest” one) produced milk, the other one was dry. I believe this is what gave my breast this look. I’m crying as I look at the pictures. Prior to giving birth I was a confident woman, I’ve never being thin, I’m a bit chunky and I like that, my husband also and I was felt super confortable around him. But it changed. Although he’s never said anything about my breasts I feel ashamed and so ugly. I hate them. I always wear a sport bra because it keeps them flat and the size different doesn’t show to much. I sleep with the bra on sometimes, because when my arm brush past the ”biggest” one it makes me cry. We want to have another child but it scares me that my breasts will get even more weird after an other pregnancy. I’d like to get surgery, just to reduce the size of the big one…

I’m lucky, I didn’t get stretch marks (some on my tummy but they faded real fast) and although still a bit big my belly doesn’t make me sad so much. My tits however…

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: a year

Here We Go Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

Round 2…. as the bell dings in my head im prepared to fight, unfortunately, my inner self on what most of us on here know as that little voice that says, ” your body is ruined now…look at all those stretch marks…do my boobs really hang that low…how is that even possible?” yes that dreaded post partum voice. It isn’t easy to get on here and to share how I really feel deep down.. that dark inner part of me I don’t want anyone to see. Because then they would see just how much I hate myself. Im scared of what this second pregnancy will bring..how many more stretch marks will I have..how much more will my boobs sag..will I have a stomach that will forever hang=??? I know it isn’t healthy and the thought of letting my loved ones in enough to see this hurt would worry them and why let others hurt along with me? This isnt their battle…so instead I will just share anon on here with all you beautiful woman. Whats sad is I look on here I get frustrated with these posts..I say to myself..”She has no reason to hate herself ..that body is beautiful..one of a womans!!” but who am I to say what these woman should hate or not? Lol not only do I have a deep self hate but clearly I am a pretty big hypocrite …(by now yall are probably thinking this woman shouldn’t be left to care for anyone lol) but all joking aside this website is my rock..well aside From God..i guess I should say my rock of selfishness, since im only focusing so hard on the outside. This is my pregnant body…I love it one day..hate it just the next.. I love the little life inside that im holding but hate the outside appearance and scared I will forever be a fat stretched saggy lump of skin that will turn away my husband to a greener (hotter) pasture. So with all this being said Thank you!! Tahnk you to everyone who has ever posted on here and the biggest thank you to woman who created it!!

Age : 25
Pregnancies : 2
Oldest child age : 6
Current pics right now are 6 months pregnant..

first one was CS and I will be having a CS with the second.

I Feel Like They Can’t Be Fixed (Adria)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Body Dysmorphic Disroder, Body Image, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 26 Comments

20 (age)
Pregnancies (1)
8 months post partum by cesarean.

When i first became pregnant, during my first trimester i lost 20 pounds. Than the rest of my pregnancy i only gained 10 pounds. After i delivered i then lost 25 more. This is what alot of people would call “bouncing back” and yes in some ways i did. Two weeks after delivery i could fit back into my pre pregnancy clothing. 3 months after delivery though i developed a condition called body dysmorphic disorder, it took over my life to the piont of suicide. At around the same piont my husband wanted to leave because he couldnt understand why i felt so horrible about myself, he got tired of trying to help but with no results. Ne never left though he stuck by my side and continued to try, much to my appreciation. If it wernt for him i wouldnt be here to write this post today. I went to counciling and i am no where near as down as i was thankfully. With exersize i got some of my old form back. The only thing hindering me from total and complete love for my self again is my breasts, they make me sick. To rememeber what they used to be and what they are now is dissapionting. I weigh 118 pounds now, i think im ok with the rest of my body now. I still have my days i just hope one day that i can accept the changes my son did to my body and any future children as well. Included is a picture of my handsom son, hes keeping me going :)

Updated here.

Hyperpigmentation (1st Time Mother)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Hyperpigmentation, Submissions 10 Comments

This is my first pregnancy and I wasn’t aware of how much your body would change when you become pregnant. I was expecting a lot of stretchmarks and was terrified of both those and extra skin. Come to find out my biggest challenge is hyperpigmentation. During my second trimester I started noticing freckles on my face and chest. After a week more would appear and they started to connect. I ended up having the pregnancy mask, my belly become seriously dark and my nipples seemed to stretch all the way down to my ribcage. My nipples seem had it the worst. Since the dark marks are so significant I don’t ever plan on putting on another bathing suit or wearing any shirts that remotely show the top of my chest. I loved my body prior to pregnancy; I was 104 lbs at 5’4. By the time my pregnancy ended I was 160lbs. I have SUPER dark stretchmarks on my bum and hips oh and upper thighs but that seems to be all for right now. They are very noticeable but my husband doesn’t mind and I don either. I had a natural birth and my little one is everything I could hope for. I seriously dislike my chest but im glad that he’s here and healthy. The pic I took in my bra is 4 weeks before I became pregnant. The pic in the tub is the day before I had my son. The pic with my belly is 1 day postpoartum.

Age: 26
Number of pregnancies: 1st
Age of children: 5 days old (in picks I was 1 day postpartum)

25 Year Old Mother of 3 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 8 Comments

at 20 yrs my first girl, who is turning six in a couple weeks
second daughter is 2 yrs old, she is turning 3 soon.
my third lovely boy is 4 months old now.
~~~simply put 3 babies in 5 yrs~~~

I have become super busy lately, but i wanted to take some time and put myself out there in front of others like me.
My children and taught me so much, literally changed my life for the better.
Being a cancerian, i love family and home. I havent worked in years thanks to my husband. which gives me opportunity to dedicate to them and focus on home and health. Since my first daughter alot of changes have been made: GF, non GMO, Organic, meat every other day, non processed snacks. I have become a home chef :) and very likely will be vegetarian soon. We do not buy any premade sweets, I bake. Lots more fresh foods here lately
.
These changes have made a huge difference, and now to add on to it, I am putting myself through CoDA, and my life is changing.
I know once i find the time to workout with the new baby I will transform as I have with every child.
.
speaking out is new to me, but here goes some pictures i just took
no sucking in, tucking up, pushing out, honest pictures of me standing for the world to see
all my physical body is right there, neither excited nor bummed.
Right now I simply am and that is ok with me

1 Year PP and I Still Disgust Myself (Brittani)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Child Loss, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions 15 Comments

I married my husband on my 18th birthday. A little over a month after our first anniversary, we found out about our oops baby. We had been using condoms, and I guess one failed. We were scared, since we were so young, but excited. I knew my body would change, but I was fairly confident that my belly would bounce right back like everyone said it would because I’m so young. Then I developed preeclempsia. I am 5’7″ and started at 121 lbs before pregnancy, dropped down to 119 right after I got pregnant, and then barely gained 12 lbs in the entire first two trimesters. Then I started jumping up at least 5 lbs a week from water weight with preeclempsia. Nothing I did prevented this, not even the extremely low sodium diet I was put on. When I went to the hospital at 41 weeks to be induced, I weighed 189 lbs. I lost nearly all of the water weight within three months of giving birth. I breastfed/pumped until my milk dried up at 4 months pp, and none of the real weight (all located in my belly and lovehandles) went away. The rest of my body looks the same as it did prepregnancy (aside from the one saggy boob lol), but between my bellybutton and vulva I am stretchmarked, saggy, blobby, and jiggly. It looks gross and makes me a little sick to look at it. My stretchmark color isn’t what bothers me, they’ve faded to a light lavender/pink/silver, it’s the fact that most of them are a 1/4 inch wide, and I even have a few over a 1/2 inch wide. Not long. WIDE. You can physically see the tears in my tissue under the skin. My tummy skin is saggy and floppy and makes me think of Adam Sandler’s tongue belly on Click. My love handles FORCE me to wear mom jeans up to my bellybutton, because anything lower gives me a muffin top of colossal proportions. I can’t wear sexy underwear, because the effect is ruined by all the flab spilling out over the top and my cellulite and stretchmarked butt. I’ve dieted, eaten right, walked, done yoga, and every other exercise I can do without danger to my health (I have exercise induced asthma attacks so I can only do exercises that don’t make you breathe fast or hard). Now my daughter is walking and running, and I’m also chasing her around. Nothing helps. My husband says he loves my body, and tells me I’m beautiful, but I know it’s because he doesn’t want to upset me. He may love me for me, but there is NO WAY to be attracted to my midsection below my bellybutton. I have always been a person who hates clothing, and if given an opportunity I would never wear them, but it’s sad now for me to have to be fearful of wearing certain clothes because they make me look lumpy or gross.

Pregnancy also ruined my health. My immune system is shot. Before I got pregnant, I was the kind of person that got sick maybe once a year. I developed recurrent strep after I had my daughter, and get it at least once a month. I also get recurrent sinus infections, and catch any illness I am or am not exposed to. I exercise regularly, and yet normal everyday activities like getting off the couch and cooking dinner make me out of breath. I am not overweight for my height 5’7 at 132 lbs, but I FEEL fat. Not like the way I look, but the way I feel when trying to move around. Fat and old and unhealthy. I just want to be healthy and pretty again so much that I go on good sob fests probably every week. I can’t afford to go to the doctor to see what is wrong, and I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Does this ever end? Will I ever feel like a healthy happy woman again, comfortable in my body?

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth at 41 weeks. 1 miscarriage at 8 weeks.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year old

Ambivalent Body Image – Struggling (Alanna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Spousal/Partner Abuse, Submissions 15 Comments

Age: 24
1 pregnancy & 1 child
3 year old child

I want to start this off by saying that I have been following SOAM for a couple years now and never felt confident enough to submit my photos. I was in a very unhealthy relationship for 9 yrs with the father of my child. Just before I became pregnant, I was in the best shape of my life, I had never been more confident with my body image. I am a Martial Arts instructor. My pregnancy was extremely stressful, I had a partner who was abusing drugs and other non sense. I’m 5’2 and I weighed 130lbs before I got pregnant. At 9 months with my 8lb baby girl I weighed 185lbs. I wasn’t exercising during my pregnancy and could have been eating in a more healthy way. I wanted to have a natural delivery, but had to have an emergency C-section since my daughter was breech. After delivery, I was so unhappy with my body and i was still in an toxic relationship. I may have been suffering from PPD but I’m too proud for my own good most of the time and felt guilty telling the truth when i was assessed for PPD. I struggled with the pregnancy weight all through the first 2 years, I’m very active but I had to take control of my diet to get to where I am now.

I still feel like I am hiding. No one would believe it when I seem to be the most confident, bubbly and bad ass ( am I allowed to say bad ass on SOAM? Editor’s note: Hell yes you are!) lady that have ever met but I put on a good show. In actuality, my insecurities could eat me alive. My life has changed a lot in the past year as I got out of an abusive relationship and have been trying to find myself again after those 9 years. I just completed my first year of university. I’m a over achiever and a perfectionist, nothing is ever good enough for me. I am getting honors in school but its not good enough. I would consider myself a feminist and I am very aware of the false messages prescribed by the media to men and women concerning what the ideal body image is. I can think about it logically and I have great respect to the women who can take a stand against it but emotionally with myself, inside my own head I cant do it.

I guess I have my good days and my really bad ones. Some days I feel like it is getting better and I’m regaining my muscle definition. Its not my stretch marks that bother me but my loose skin and extra fat does. Everyday I run at least 3 miles and exercise, on top of my martial arts training and some days I feel like I’m seeing progress and other days I cant beat my naked self up in front of the mirror at least 4 times a day. I can take forever to get dressed, trying on pants after pants and hating how my tummy sticks out over top. I count calories obsessively and feel guilty if I don’t run far enough. I want exercise and diet to be a choice of health and not trying to achieve this aesthetic perfection.

Who would think a topless rights activist would be standing nude infront of her mirror eaten alive by her insecurities?

Does it Make Me a Failure? (Jamie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

Age:19
Pregnancies and births: 1
10 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 18. I was told by doctors when I was younger that it would be difficult for me to conceive, and of I were to conceive, it would be a high risk pregnancy. I was so happy to find out i was pregnant, so was my fiancee and my family. I felt so feminine, so beautiful, i felt like a real woman. My fiancee and i both enjoyed watching my body change. I did everything right. I quit smoking 100%, i didn’t have a single drop of alcohol, i think the worse thing i did was have a second bowl of ice cream at 2 in the morning :). But man did i get huge. I gained 65lbs! Mainly all belly though. I went into labor at 38 weeks and 1 day. I went to the hospital with suspicion that i was leaking amniotic fluid however i wasn’t having contractions. Turned out i was right. So the doctors decided to induce me. They started the pitocin, i wasn’t too happy about that to begin with, but i went along with it. They had me on the lowest setting and my uterus was becoming overstimulated, i had no rest time between contractions. So they would stop and start the pitocin and for 19 hrs i was stuck at 3cm dilated, 50% effaced, and -3 station. This baby just dis mot want to come! The doctor told me it was time for a c-section. I broke down in tears! I wanted so badly to give birth vaginally. I was so scared. I could hardly stay awake in the operating room. I was so drugged up, i was afraid i would miss my daughter’s first cries. Lucky my fiancee was able to keep awake and i didn’t miss it. It was like music to my ears. When i was finally able to hold her, I wanted to immediately start breast feeding so I could start the bonding process since I missed out on the vaginally birthing experience. But there was a problem, she wouldn’t latch. We tried everything, and she just wouldn’t nurse off of me. I felt like I failed. Like I was less of a woman because my body couldn’t do the two main things a woman’s body should be able to do, give birth and feed her own child. I slipped into a very deep depression. I couldn’t bond, I couldn’t connect to this beautiful baby I kept safe inside me for 9 months. The bond I had with her in the womb I felt was slowly disappearing. There were no more kicks, no more hiccups, no more awkward bulges on one side of my belly. Instead I had a painful scar, a body that I once thought was beautiful, now I thought was ugly, and a child that I couldn’t feel was really my child. Then once I realized how terrible I was feeling, I would feel even more guilt for thinking that way! I’m so thankful that I have my fiancée. He noticed I was depressed and he encouraged me to talk to him. Once I opened up and stopped holding it all in, I suddenly felt better and immediately was able to bond with our daughter. He reassures me that my body is still beautiful. I now take things day by day one step at a time. I feel like I have a strong bond with my daughter. Her smile makes my heart melt and instantly makes me forget about how she was born and I forget about my body. She changed my life and I would do anything for her. That’s why I got help for my depression. A happy mother is a happy baby, and a happy baby is a happy family. Hayleigh Lynn Schulz born feb 8, 2013 8lbs 4oz 19 1/2 inches long.

This is Me… And That is Okay (Stacie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 11 Comments

I am a 28 year old mother of three children, all born vaginally. I have never been skinny or in shape. I will never be a size 4. And you know what? That is okay, this is ME. It has taken me a long time to be okay with my body. Sure, I use self tanning lotions when I know that I will be wearing a dress. I even bought some hand weights to tone my arms a bit for the Summer. But I won’t look like my thinnest of friends and that is okay: this is ME. I know that not everyone has that outlook, and some days neither do I. But when I truly stop to think about why my body is this way, why I have that stomach flap that seems like it just won’t budge, I smile. Tiger stripes. Cliche, maybe, but they’re mine and that is okay: This is ME. My husband loves me the way I am, so do my children. It is time that I do the same. And I hope that one day you are able to have the same outlook that I do. Because that is you, and that is okay.

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7, 3, 1