Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

4 Weeks PP (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Pregnancies and births: 1
1 month old son Gabriel

Hello SOAM. This is my first entry. My name is Heather and I am 4 weeks pp.

All in all I had a very smooth ride with my pregnancy and labor and delivery. I was in early labor for 3 days.The night before I had my son I went to the hospital because I was SURE I was in labor. They basically told me I was nuts and sent me packin lol. Well after a horrible night of powerful back contractions I went to my OB appt the next morning, only to be told I actually WAS in labor and I was 5cm dialated. I knew it lol. From the time I was admitted to birth was 5hrs. I pushed for 10 minutes and my son was born.

I have never had a perfect body. I was never super thin and I have always had issues with my weight and stretch marks due to growing quickly when I was younger. But I never expected this. My husband tells me I am beautiful everyday, but how can he find this beautiful? If I don’t think it is how can he? I suppose I might be being a little dramatic but I am very unhappy with my body now.I am not trying to be unrealistic and I know in time it will get better, after all I am only a month pp. I just hope it does. I am currently 12lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight, which is something that made me smile today :). I just hope it all gets better. At least I gained a wonderful son out of this ;)

Getting Back the Old Me (Victoria)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I was terrified of what could happen to my body when I was pregnant. I was put on bedrest at 27 weeks and was not kind to my body gaining 50 pounds. I have finally lost most of my pregnancy weight now at almost 2 years postpartum and am so thankful that I have relatively bounced back. I worked hard to get back into shape and hope to inspire others that a little hard work can go a long way!

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy and birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Almost 2

My pictures:
A shot of my belly minutes before my cesarean
I was so glad to see my belly deflate at 2 weeks postpartum
a closeup of how my belly looks now after several months of hard work
from the side

Update (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

For Cairo Sofia

Age: 23
# of Pregnancies: 3
# of Births: 2
How Far Postpartum: 15 Months Today, September 23, 2010
Previous entries:
2 Babies Later
Update
Second Update
Love Yourself, Mama
Thank you, Babies

Today I am officially 15 months postpartum. I cannot believe it has been over a year since my beautiful daughter graced our lives. She’s beautiful, spunky, and full of character.

This post is for her, Cairo Sofia. I want to thank my baby girl, and God, for what they have taught me. The day I found out I was having a baby girl, I cried. I cried because I was scared and didn’t realize it until that
one moment in time. I always wanted a girl, ever since I was a little girl. But now I was scared. I was afraid that I would pass on my body image issues to her. I was afraid that she would hate body just as I did. I thought it would be genetic, seeing as though my mother had the same issues as I had. I just figured she would wind up with those problems too.

That day was the first day of change for me. I had to change this cycle of self loathing. I couldn’t imagine
listening to my daughter list off the things she wished to change about herself. I couldn’t imagine seeing her look in the mirror and pinch that extra inch of “fat” and wish it gone. I didn’t want to think of her sucking in her already flat stomach, thinking “If only…”. Those thoughts terrorized my heart. It had to change.

I hated my body. I thought my pregnancy with my son had destroyed my body, not made it better. I had
gotten stretch marks, saggy skin; saggy boobs… how was this beautiful? These thoughts had to stop. It
didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen in a week, or a month. It was a long process, one that still hasn’t been completed, nor am I sure it will ever truly go away. But I can control it; I can control my mind and my thoughts.

I look at my daughter and see such a beautiful little lady. Bright blue eyes, perfect skin, and truly amazing
heart and soul. When she gets stretch marks that won’t change. If she gets the “apron”, her beauty will not be altered, but enhanced. If she gains those few extra pounds, she will be just as beautiful as ever. So
if this is true about her, why would it not be true for me?

I am beautiful. My stretch marks enhance my beauty, they tell a story of strength and courage. They tell a story of life and birth. This… this is beautiful.

So I want to thank my beautiful princess, Cairo Sofia, for teaching me something that no one else could teach me. Thank you for showing me the truth behind my stretch marks. Thank you for gracing our lives and enhancing all that matters in this world. And remember, one day if you read this, that you are beautiful. No matter what anyone says, you are a beautiful girl, from the inside out!

I included 3 pictures of myself today, 15 months pp.
The 4th picture is my beautiful Cairo Sofia.

Updated here.

I Love My Son, But I HATE My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 10 Comments

Age: 20
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
8 months postpartum

I was so glad i found this site, and see that there are many other women like me out there. Well to start off i’ll start my story in the few months pre-pregnancy… i was 18 turning 19 in a few weeks, my boyfriend (husband now) had just proposed, just started a new job, everything was going great in my life… i had noticed i had started gaining a few pounds but nothing serious, my weight had always flucuated throughout high school since i was a cheerleader and had done gymnastics for 6 years, when it wasnt cheering season i would gain a little weight and loose it at the start of football season… but i had never been bigger than a size 3/4. but this summer i had to buy a size bigger, but i just summed it up to being out of highschool, being lazy and not working out. i had also just started a new birthcontrol so i thought maybe that had caused me to gain a little. i also had missed one period, again i summed that up to the new birth control. after the second missed period i decided to take a pregnancy test. it came out positive. i was completely shocked cuz i hadnt had any common pregnancy symptoms. after i went to the doc, i soon learned i had went through my entire 1st trimester not even knowing i was preg. the entire time i was pregnant i never had morning sickness or anything… i had a really easy pregnancy, other than i had used palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks to try to help prevent them, come to find out the lotion had lanolin in it and i didnt know it at the time but i was allergic to lanolin, the lotion cuased me to break out everywhere i had used it and it itched like CRAZY, i tried to resist the urge to scratch but i couldnt i scratched all day and all night. i didnt have ANY stretch marks until i used this lotion and started scratching then they just started popping up everywehre.

pre-pregnancy i had weighed 130ish and wore a size 3/4 in pants, when i delivered my son i weighed 161, so during my pregnancy i gained a total of 30lbs. which didnt seem like it was that bad, i new friends of mine that had gained 80 and looked amazing! so i figured after time i wouldnt look so bad. my husband and i got married when i was 4 months postpartum, we took our honeymoon in gulf shores, al. we had a great time, but everytime we went to the beach i felt SUPER self concious of my belly fat and stretch marks. everywhere i looked there were girls my age looking thin and sexy and it made me feel even worse. but my husband keeps telling me he loves me and loves how i look, i just cant believe him cause when i look in the mirror i dont see sexy. i see every imperfection on my body. every little stretch mark, every area that there is cellulite and every place my body bulges over clothes. even now at 8 months postpartum i still weigh 140, which is only 10lbs more than my prepregnancy weight, but i now wear a size 11/12… prepregnancy i wore a size 34c bra i now wear a 36DD! i hardly ever dress up now because it only makes me feel worse that nothing fits like its supposed to or it jsut shows all my imperfections…

i have stretch marks on my stomach, my sides, and in between my thighs from the top to down to my knees, some have faded considerably but i still cant feel comfortable wearing shorts because of them. and in this weather in ky its been 90+ pretty much all summer and HUMID and i wear pants or sweats everyday. i have a friend who is my age, who delivered her son 4 days before me, maybe only ONE stretch mark, and is back down to her pre-pregnancy weight, wearing her cute little clothes and looking sexy. it makes me feel like crap when i hang out with her seeing how amazing she looks and how unattractive i look.

i love my son more than anything and i wouldnt change a thing <3 i just hate what having him brought upon my body. i want my old body back, i want to feel sexy again. i hate seeing the bulge of my tummy hanging over my pants, i hate not getting to wear what i want. here are a few pics. first pic- me and my husband on our honeymoon 4mo pp 2nd pic- my son <3 3rd pic- my tattoo on my side, disfigured from stretch marks. 4th pic-8 months pp 5th pic- 8 months pp side view 6th pic- 8 months pp inside of my thigh [gallery]

PCOS and Me (Brittany)

Bonnie (SOAM) PCOS, Submissions, Thyroid Issues, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

age: 21

Well this is the second time I have posted on here. I have not tried to get pregnant or anything yet. I am trying to work on myself first, to give my babies the best place to grow. I was so inspired by all the comments I received that i thought i should post again and give a little more detail about what happened to me and what more i found out. I met a guy at my high school when i was 16 almost 17 and he was 18 i believe. He was just some guy that paid attention to me. I was a stupid teenager. He tried telling me things like he would treat me like a queen and buy me anything I wanted…well all he really wanted was one thing. He took me and my friend to one of his friends apartment. Being naive i took two shots thinking it wouldn’t be anything and next thing i know i can barely read the time on the clock and i’m in a room with him over me. I only remember bits and pieces after that and my life hasn’t been the same since. As for the whole want to be unattractive with weight, it doesn’t matter even though im still the same size i still get looked at in that way. I also found out i have hashimotos disease and hypothyroidism. My endocrinologist said that my hashimotos is probably what caused the pcos and hypothyroidism. Im on meds and im trying to exercise and eat healthy. I am also engaged. Im very happy he tells me all the time what a beautiful person i am. i just want you all to know that even though negative things can affect our way in negative ways they can also bring amazingly good things with them. I feel so very lucky to have gone through everything i have because if i wouldn’t have i wouldn’t be the person i am today and i love her.

101410-brittany-1

I Feel Deformed (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, VBAC 16 Comments

Age- 29
Number of Pregnancies – 3
Number of Births- 2
Daughter 3 years, son 1 year

I can’t quite remember what I thought my post pregnancy body would look like…. but I can remember not thinking it would look like this.

I gave birth to my daughter On September 1st 2007 by emergency c-section. She was breech and the waited until I was fully dilated to tell me. I had imagined the perfect drug-free birth and that was taken from me. I had to come to terms with that and I needed some major healing. I also suffered from a severe case of post partum depression. I can clearly remember, as my belly started to shrink (which happened very quickly), asking people if what I had was normal. Too many people said they had never seen a belly like mine, no one could answer as to whether or not it would go away. Well, it never did. I was left with a pooch of skin hanging over my pants and extra skin everywhere. It only got worse after I had my son July 29th 2009. He was a successful VBAC and for that I was happy but the saggy skin was still left behind, another scar on my “mother’s body”. Both pregnancies I was fairly heavy (around 170lbs) and post pregnancy I am down to 155lbs. I recently consulted a plastic surgeon to see if I could have surgery done to correct it and I was rejected because it wasn’t sever enough. I am 29, and now single, the mother of 2 young children and I feel deformed, unattractive. How can anyone love me if I can’t love myself? This site has helped me a lot to realize I am not alone with this problem and I hope that this entry can help someone else.

It’s Hard Not to Notice the Changes (Mary, Mother of Samson)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

age: 22
Pregnancies:1 Births :1
My Son Samson is 7 months old
Delivered C-Section

First of all I love being a mother and would not change it for the world! My son is a blessing and I take these scars with pride…most days.

Samson was 9lbs 5 oz when delivered, and I am 5 2′. My stomach was stretched to capacity come time to deliver.

Prior to pregnancy I was 130 lbs. Tiny thing ..I loved trying clothes on and fitting anything I wanted. It is harder now with all the extra skin around my core. I gained 35 lbs with pregnancy. I get unmotivated at times to exercise. I am currently 156 lbs. I miss my old body…it will take work to get it back. I know the stretch marks will take years.

Update (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 22 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

When my first son died, shortly after birth, I found too late that the only prints I’d been given from the hospital staff were barely worth calling prints… they didn’t even try to unfold his fingers before taking them, and even inked his knuckles rather than take the extra effort to create something memorable. I had been hoping for something clear and beautiful, but when they handed me the papers, I was devastated.
He left no marks on my body other than an ugly and unnecessary cesarean scar: I had no stretch marks or permanent weight gain, I was longing for something physical to remember him by. I wanted a tattoo of his hand in the place where it had been pressing throughout my pregnancy… but due to the condition of the prints, I didn’t know if this would ever happen.

It’s taken me years of canvasing tattoo artists to find one that was capable of not only reconstructing a good print, but also skilled enough to capture the finer details of it.

With the help of my best friend, who took prints from her newborn daughter to give a template to work from, I took the papers to a new artist in town with an amazing skill in details and shadows. She gave me a perfect copy of the size and shape of his palm… not only that, but she painstakingly worked his palm lines (the only part of his prints that was truly preserved) into the tattoo.

So here’s my fourth submission: about 1.5 months pregnant with baby number four, carrying the extra 20lbs from my last two pregnancies, covered in faded stretch marks, an ugly cesarean scar from an unnecessary surgery I still haven’t recovered from, and finally graced with a mark from my first son’s life.

Unhappy With Body!! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions 14 Comments

23 years old
1st pregnancy miscarried at 10 weeks. currently 32 weeks with 2nd pregnancy

First off I found this site somehow when I was researching information on stretchmarks and I am soooo glad that I did. But anyway I don’t want to sound like I am complaining because I am so happy and blessed that I am expecting and everything is going great and I have a healthy baby growing inside me, nothing matters more than that to me but I am starting to get depressed with my body changes and I am almost disgusted with my body that I don’t even like to look at it anymore let alone allow my husband. Every time i get a shower now i shut and lock the door because I don’t want him just walking in and seeing me completly naked in the light, im just sick of hiding the way i really look under my clothing for my own husband, he knows how I feel and he says it doesn’t matter that he loves me no matter what and i will always look good to him but I don’t see that so it’s hard for me to believe. I wander is he just saying that to make me feel better and don’t want to hear me complaining all the time? that’s how I feel anyhow. I am just so young only 23 years old and I have always been very slim weighing around 110-115 at 5’2”. Never had any issues with my weight in my life. And now I am 32 weeks pregnant weighing at 142 with stretch marks growing by the day. I think it’s more the stretch marks that bother me then the weight I have gained. I can work and try to lose that after he is born but the stretch marks will be there forever. They started early on my breasts at around 3 months then started on my hips, thighs and butt around 6 months. and now they are on my inner thighs and still growing, i can’t even wear shorts anymore in public. My butt is covered as well! The only place that I don’t have them is my belly, but i still have 8 weeks left =(

also cellulite everywhere! it’s just something I am always thinking about and how I am never going to look or feel the way I used to. It doesn’t help when you see people that you don’t see everyday and they are like omg you got huge! I just want to break down and cry when someone says that to me, and to be honest I have. I like this site because I know I am not the only one that feels this way and I see other young women on here and to me everyone I know that have a baby and are my age are in a bikini a few months later and look amazing. That makes me sick because I am so jealous because that wont be me. thanks for listening

pics 1.) inner thigh marks 2. & 3.) 32 weeks (now) 4.) at 6 months 5. & 6.) pre pregnancy

Own Your Beauty

Bonnie (SOAM) Link, News, Own Your Beauty 3 Comments

I’m so excited to be participating in this year-long initiative sponsored by BlogHer. Just launched yesterday, it features interviews and posts by Karen of Chookooloonks, Caitlin of Operation Beautiful and myself. Each month we’ll be discussing a different topic; this month’s is Authenticity. Go check it out, participate, and pass it on. I believe this could really change the world. ?

In celebration, I think I’ll leave some Operation Beautiful Post-It’s around the zoo today. Why don’t you spread some around wherever you are going to be? I’d love to hear you share your experiences with it so share them in the comments here if you do, OK?

Updated: I totally did it!

operation beautiful.com

How about you?