Update

Closure and Acceptance (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies: 1
Number of Births: 1
PP: 8 months today

I have been keeping up with the readings here, and honestly I do not know what I would have done without this website. Reading your stories, seeing real pictures, have been an eye opener, and an equalizer in all senses of the word. Thank you for this site.

First I have to say to all you women beginning with PP, things will get better. I had a c-sectionwasn’t able to breastfeed and had borderline PPD. My relationship fell apart, my family suffered, I was miserable.

All it took was for me to stand in front of the mirror and accept things that I could not change. I have the “pouchy tummy” the “ungodly” stretchmarks, and some extra weight, but I have accepted it as a work in progress. My body kinda droops now, but I kinda laugh at myself and poke at it thinking that “eventually” I’ll work it off.

However I put on my bathing suit today, got in pool, did some laps and felt oodles better. I remember last summer not being able to get into the swimming pool because I was pregnant and my daughter didn’t like the feeling. I laughed at myself, told myself how out of shape I was and got out.

Then it hit me. I really don’t care anymore. I have accepted that this body brought a gorgeous, beautiful little girl into the world, and all she is going to see is mommy. She won’t see the imperfections, she won’t see the fat. She will see a person that will do anything for her, and keep her safe.

This is what really matters. Not weight, not stretchmarks, not tummy tucks… the love of a child. I know I will have my ups and downs with my body image, but really who doesn’t? I stumbled across a site yesterday that was pro-anorexia. Women on this site were tearing apart celebrities bodies like Hayden Pantierre and Emma Watson saying they were fat and could stand to lose 15 pounds. I was sick.

But I then I thought I was no better than those girls who were skinny mourning a slight skin bulge: I was complaining about something that I could not fix over night. Something that needed to be accepted and if I wanted to change it it would take time. I was chasing the image of my “highschool” figure… one forever captured in photographs.

I may not be that fit girl anymore… but I am a woman. I have done what that girl never could: I brought life to my daughter. And nothing anyone could offer could make me regret having my daughter.

Today marks the 8 month PP, and I know it is customary to post pictures of ourselves, whichever stage of grieving or acceptance we are in. Well I’m not going too. However, I will share with you the love of my life, and why I have come to accept, embrace and love the body that brought her forth: I probably will not post anymore either, but I will read and provide comments and such. Thank you for this site, and sharing with me.

Picture 1: Scarlett Mozell :)
Picture 2: Scarlett and I performing at local Renaissance Faire. Yep we’re in a guild : )

Goodbye beautiful body, hello beautiful daughter. (Elivert)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

I have 21 years old. For a long time my body had taken care of no gain, of stretch marks,always look my beautiful belly. Until I met my lovely husband, who has supported me and always wanted, we wanted very much a baby in our lives.

Until a year ago gave us the news of my pregnancy cute, and today at 4 months postpartum, I have the most beautiful in the world, my daughter, and the havoc it caused in my pregnancy with stretch marks until my stomach and few extra pounds.

My daughter was born on 9 1 / 2 pounds and very healthy, I’m trying to accept my body positively, see my life with “I am a mother” I have not got my body and my life before but I have a precious gift, good two precious gifts My daughter and husband Milind who supports me and loves me so, are the most beautiful I have in life and is the only thing that need to be happy, but you always want to look better.

I thought undergo a abdominoplastic and improve the appearance of my new body,which I hate but is the sacrifice of the most beautiful and paid profession in the world,become mothers. I look forward to seeing me sexy for my husband, is the most important and to whom I am full after my daughter.

these are my photos:1- before Pregnancy2- 1 months pregnancy3- 5 months pregnancy4- 8 months pregnancy5- 1 months postpartum6-7 – 3 months postpartum, my belly.

Updated here.

SOAM Changed Me (Corinne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 6 Comments

Age 33
3 Children; 12 years old, 20 months old and 8 days old.
3 Pregnancies, 8 days PP

Previous posts here and here.

I still remember the sick feeling I felt when I saw that my post had appeared on SOAM. I very nearly emailed Bonnie straight away to ask her to take it down. I decided to keep the fact I’d posted it a secret from people I knew and then I read it myself and looked at the photos as I would look at photos of another woman. I realised that my words of confidence didn’t reflect how I truly felt, but looking at those photos I realised my body was beautiful. I went on to share the post with some friends and family.

With my second post I felt so much more confident and loved taking the photos. I think it shows.

This experience inspired me to start my own blog in order to share my experiences through pregnancy and after. I hope that women in the UK will share their experiences in a similar way to this site. I know this site is open to anyone but it is lesser known in the UK. Since starting the blog I have felt truly confident and have loved writing it, I have also had many people tell me it has helped them and for that reason alone I feel proud.

I would like to end by saying a HUGE thank you to Bonnie for SOAM and for helping me change the way I feel about my body. I am thrilled to be able to say I love my post pregnancy body too, it has done an amazing job producing my 3rd baby boy, Wilfred. Already my belly is shrinking back, it’s always going to be a bit wobbly and stretch marked but I am looking forward to getting back out on my bicycle and getting fit so I can be a healthy, happy woman and mother.

I will leave you with some photos, me at 41 weeks pregnant, my stomach immediately after the birth and 7 days post partum.

I Finally Feel Sexy Again (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Eating Disorder, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update, VBAC 12 Comments

Original entries here, here, here and here.

This was my fourth pregnancy and birth, and both were extremely difficult. I suffered with moderate hyperemesis gravaridum throughout (helpHER.org), lost a significant amount of weight, muscle and nutrients and was on the edge of hospitalization and IV feeds throughout (even with extensive medicating). I also suffer with a spinal disease called ankylosing spondylitis which caused my vertebrae to fuse together from my coccyx up to my mid-back; it also causes very painful nerve damage in my hip joints and legs due to those bundles of nerves being trapped in the fusions.

The way my body changed over the course of this pregnancy felt very different than the other times: I was tired, and in a lot of pain and very sick. Toward the end I was mostly bedridden and had to push myself hard to get in a short walk a few times a week. I felt like I was falling apart, and was beginning to really hate my body: it was big and awkward, desperately sick and so, so painful. Through the last months of pregnancy I had to walk with a cane, which left me feeling very self-conscious and extremely unattractive. I felt like this pregnancy had stripped me of my femininity and sex appeal… and for the first time in my life, even with a disability diagnosis for years, I really felt disabled. On top of that, I’d had a relapse of an eating disorder shortly before becoming pregnant and was struggling hard with maintaining positive body image even before all that crap. As a result of that, I requested to not be weighed throughout my pregnancy, nor have weight used as a judgment of my health since it was such a fresh trigger. (Numbers alone are not a good, accurate diagnostic tool: your health is a big picture, and can’t be judged by a flawed BMI calculator or tiny range of “healthy pounds”. Big or small, your overall health is what is important to take care of and there is so much more to it than standing on a scale! Even with the diagnosis of hyperemesis, being weighed on a regular basis was not necessary to monitor my health and nutrition. You may have to argue with your care provider a little, but if scales and numbers are a trigger for you during pregnancy, you CAN avoid them so you can stay strong and supported).

Just three days ago now, 9 days past my due date, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My hard and fast (two hour!) labour was very difficult with the spinal fusions, and very painful, but I made it through with the wonderful support of my midwife, doula and my husband. With their love and care I was able to achieve a second home VBAC, even with my disabilities. I have to say, waterbirth helps a TON for moms with chronic pain, or spinal disabilities!! I don’t now if I’d have been able to do it without the pool.

The night after giving birth I was laying in bed with my husband watching TV shows on my laptop with our new baby sleeping between us. I was laying there, mostly naked, and looked down over my new postpartum body all squishy and deflated and realized that… I felt really good. More than that, I felt sexy! This pregnancy that was so hard on my body and made me feel stripped bare, this birth that was so hard to get through and had me screaming at the top of my lungs, they’ve both been such huge challenges but by making it out the other side I feel strong and capable and SEXY! When I went out in public earlier I didn’t feel like sucking in my stomach and hiding my middle in loose-fitting clothes. I even went out wearing a form-fitting top, proudly showing off my squishy new postpartum body so I can proclaim to everyone, “THIS is beautiful!”. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to look at my body in such a truly positive way. Even with a disability, with a history of struggling with an eating disorder, with severe illness and a very hard year that left me with a very changed body… I can be sensual and feminine and amazing. Four babies have passed through this body and left their footprints on it with stretch marks, cesarean scars, milky breasts, love handles, cellulite and weight gain… but today, just three days postpartum after my fourth birth, I feel sexier than I ever have.

I’ve posted to this site before, several times, but I never thought I’d ever have the guts to submit any images of myself fully nude. Even while I took these images through pregnancy, hoping that I’d eventually find the courage to submit (anonymously, maybe with my head cut off and my tattoo obscured! PS. that’s why my head is cut off in a bunch of these!) I didn’t really believe I’d be able to, so it brings me a lot of joy to post these (albeit still a little nervous…) and say, “I FEEL GREAT!”. Now I feel like encouraging everyone to do the same thing. Take pictures of your body, and not just any old pictures – put aside some time and experiment with taking some really nice photos. Go get some boudoir photos done if you don’t want to or can’t take your own, but whatever you do don’t neglect capturing some of your beauty… even if you feel crappy about yourself.

Despite I felt like absolute hell and hating my body through most of my pregnancy, I’m really grateful to myself that I pushed through to document my changes. I think it’s in us all to learn how to appreciate how amazing our bodies are in all their power. Just look at the incredible things they can do! Thanks to this site I found the motivation to nurture that, and I’m really glad I stuck to it.

(As a note: I’m a professional photographer, so these were taken by me with professional gear. Even though you can’t see them very well there are stretch marks and scars there, though I don’t have the type of genes that get a lot. Good quality, even lighting makes a big difference in how your skin appears in pictures. For anyone curious to experiment with their own lighting, I included a “behind the scenes” photo to show how everything was set up to take these. I used a Nikon SB800 flash mounted on a stand with a home-made beauty dish made out of a planter and some spare parts for about $12 total (instructions here: https://davidtejada.blogspot.com/2008/04/beauty-dish-for-sb-800.html), and a desk lamp pointed at the corner of the wall behind me to reduce some of the shadows. From there just experiment with the settings until you find something that looks good! I triggered my light with a radio controlled device called a Pocket Wizard, but you can just use a sync cord or one of many other inexpensive options and get the exact same results. You also don’t have to use a big fancy flash either, any will work including the cheap Vivitar 285V which runs about $90. :)

Disappointed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

Original post here.

children: 5 yrs, 2 yrs

Today I was looking at soam and noticed the NYC newspaper had done a column on Soam I read it and continued on to read the comments.

I cried, I come to this sight when I am feeling low and need to see and hear people I can relate to and then ignorant comments take that comfort away. Those comments just solidify my fears of people thinking I’m gross, I was scared to post pictures in my last entry and now I probably will never post pics of myself in fear that people will see them, laugh and make comments I already get from myself. I wish I was one of those people who could just feel good about themselves and not compare myself to what I used to look like and not care what others think, but I’m not and hearing and seeing those comments is not getting me any closer.

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

im 24 in july – my amazing son will be 4.

I have posted 2 times previous to this… i still have my days where i get down on myself, but overall i know im beautiful as well as my shape of a mother :D

I started using trilastin stretch mark cream 2 months ago- i can no longer see the darker stretchmarks, and my silver stretchmarks are now smooth and lighter. which is a good thing for my confidence but they are still there reminding me everyday that i brought my son into this world. Now dont get me wrong i would LOVE to have a tummy tuck, i dont feel that i need to wear pregnancy results, when i have my loving little boy to remind me everyday.

i am DEFINATLY wearing a two piece this summer, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. :) im a PROUD mommy! here are some updated photos— laying down on my side, sitting up (you can see i have stretch marks inbetween my thighs as well), full frontal, butt (dimples and stretchmarks) and me after a workout.

Updated here and here.

Happy… This is Who I Am (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Previous posts here, here, and here.

I’ve written on here many times before. Each time a progress report or a pep talk. Each time has been therapeutic and refreshing; taking a few minutes to reflect solely on myself and my feelings of myself. It’s not often we take time to acknowledge ourselves as women, not just mothers. But this time for me, it’s about the acceptance and happiness with myself. Now that is refreshing.

As I approach the 2 year mark since my daughter’s birth and the 2 year mark of the last birth I will experience, I no longer feel empty or alone. For the last 18 months or so I have had a feeling of loss. I
felt like I was cheating myself. I am 23, nearly 24, and my fiancée and I have decided that our 2 beautiful
and healthy children are enough to fill our lives. The decision to stick to our 2 children was never something that bothered me. After a long talk with God and my fiancée we knew that the children we had were the only children we would be having. Not only financially or mentally motivated, but medically as well, we knew our decision was the right one. All the doctors I had seen had advised me not to have any more children. It could be detrimental. Why would I risk leaving my 2 children to possibly add a 3rd? It didn’t seem right to me. So my husband went in and got his vasectomy. The feeling of emptiness or loss came from knowing I would never feel that kick in my ribs again, or the excitement of hearing the heart beat, or finding out the sex. I feel I took my daughters pregnancy for granted. I never really took the time to relish in it, to realize the miracle taking place. Maybe I was just feeling guilty. I still don’t know, but those feeling have faded and no longer haunt me. Watching all my friends bring children into this world brings me so much happiness and joy now, rather than a little envy. That’s when I knew my feelings were fading and acceptance was taking place.

Today, nearly a month away from the 2 year PP mark, I am finally happy and completely accepting of myself, my life, and all the blessings I am granted each and every day. I absolutely love my body, stretch marks and flabby skin included! My body seemed broken for a while. Previously written about, my body could not hold any weight. I was losing weight faster than I could say “Stop!” and no one could figure it out. But finally, my body has found its balance. I stay steady at 110lbs, I rarely have headaches any more, and I can eat a healthy balanced diet without fearing the outcome. If I want chips, then I’ll eat them. I’m not afraid of my body any more, and that is such an amazing feeling.

I have begun to see my body as a place where miracles took place. Why should I be ashamed of the marks that were left by a miracle? All they are is proof of where a miracle was born. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Many women who happen to not be blessed with having children, or being able to carry a child to term, yearn and beg for a mark to show. A stretch mark to many are ugly, but to others it is such a beautiful thing. To me, they are beautiful.

Today I stand at 4’11” tall. I am 110lbs and healthy… finally! I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself. In a month and a half, July 2nd, I will be married, living in a new amazing house, and beginning new memories to last a life time. My daughter will be 2, and my son nearly 5 ½ ! He will be starting grade 1 in a new school with new friends. I will watch them run in the back yard, much like a miniature jungle for kids. I will watch them celebrate each other and holidays. That for me is what life is all about. That for me is beautiful.

I don’t believe I will post again. I find closure in this post. However I will continue to read the amazing stories on this website, and continue to help you all find peace within yourselves.

I have posted picture. They are of me today, May 20, 2011. This is me happy and proud of who I am!

For Chanel (Dalena)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

~ Age: 25
~ 1 pregnancy 1 birth
~ 5 weeks postpartum

I stopped taking my birth control pills at the end of May 2010. I found out I was pregnant on July 17th, 2010. I would say my pregnancy was normal. There weren’t any complications. I gained a total of 45lbs. I was 185lbs at my first prenatal appointment. And 230lbs at my last prenatal appointment. At 36 weeks my doctor told me that my baby was measuring a little big. An ultrasound estimated that baby was 8lbs 12oz. My due date came and went. I was scheduled to be induced on a Monday April 4th. I went into labor at 8:30pm on Thursday March 31st. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My contractions started at 5 minutes apart. By the time I got to the hospital at midnight they were 2 minutes apart. I was checked and only dilated to 3 and a half centimeters… I walked around the hospital for 3 hours until the contractions became unbearable. I was checked again and was at 5 cm. I was taken to my room and given my epidural shortly after. I was checked again and had dilated to 7 cm. So far so good right? The doctor broke my water to try to speed things up. Hours later I was still at 7 cm so I was given pitocin. I was contracting so much at one point they had to turn my pitocin off. I never dilated past 7 cm. My babys heart rate was high and I had a fever. My only concern during my entire pregnancy was that I would have to have a c-section… And that’s exactly what had to happened. I was distraught. I cried for about an hour while they got everything ready. I didn’t want the pain and the longer recovery time and even more I didn’t want the scar and the “lip” that my sister has from her c-sections. The moment I heard my baby cry I forgot about everything else. Chanel Marie was born Friday April 1st, 2011 at 3:39pm. She was 8lbs 8oz of pure perfection. I recovered quickly from my c-section. I was up and moving at the hospital. I took it easy but I didn’t baby myself. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 weeks after delivering. Since then I’ve been losing about 3 pounds a week. I have 8lbs to lose until I’m back at the weight I was at my first prenatal appointment. I’m breastfeeding and eating a healthy diet and I’ve been going on walks about twice a week. I’m hoping to be cleared by my doctor to start working out at my 6 weeks pp appointment which is this Friday. My final goal weight is between 140 and 145. I’m going to give myself a year to meet that goal. And I’m hoping by the time I reach my goal weight my “lip” won’t really be noticeable. It’s already looking better since my tummy is getting flatter. In the end everything I was worried about hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. Besides it was all for Chanel so it was more then worth it. I’m sooo in love. I’d do absolutely ANYTHING for my babygirl.

Thank you SOAM for letting me share. I owe a lot of being able to accept my body after the pregnancy to the site and women who have posted their stories. I hope that someone will read my story and it will help them to accept their body after their pregnancy as well. There is nothing more beautiful then life and love. And that is what our bodies have done. Created life and love.

Pic #1 Me before pregnancy
Pic #2 is 15 weeks pregnant
Pic #3 and #4 is 27 weeks pregnant
Pic #5 is 39 weeks pregnant
Pic #6 and #7 is me 5 weeks postpartum.
Pic #8 is the “lip”… Where the tummy pokes out over the scar.

Updated here.

I Found My Beautiful (Jessa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 2, 2
Age of children: 3 (next month) and 10 months

I know my previous post had that confident vibe, but most days the confidence and acceptance of my body just isn’t there.

The other day I was very discouraged about my shape. It had been a rough day and I decided to take a picture of my stomach laying down post-Lexi to compare to the picture I took laying down while pregnant with her. It was a way for me to feel accomplished.

I snapped a couple pictures and forgot about them.

Life went on as normal for the next couple days, days that I was proud of myself and proud of my body for two successful pregnancies. Then I had another downer day. On my downer days I snap pictures of my kids playing. I then proceeded to upload those pictures to my computer so I could share them with our family who lives 12 hours away.

And that’s when I saw it. One of the pictures of my post-Lexi body. The way the light hit it, it was beautiful. It literally took my breath away. My skin, though dimpled and scared looked like a thing carved out of marble. Surely my body is art and my children are the medium. I think that is the first time since either child has been born that I have looked at my body in awe and total appreciation.

So now when I have downer days, on top of taking pictures of the girls, I look at this picture and feel proud. And you can bet I will be in a bikini this summer. A fact which has my husband thrilled. <--- No really, I'm serious. He is excited for this *snicker* Pictures: #1 Laying down 9 months pregnant #2 Laying down 9 months postpartum #3 The beautiful picture. #4 My oldest, Haylie #5 My youngest, Alexis [gallery]

The Shape of Our Hearts (Christina Plant)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Hips, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 28 Comments

age: 35
pregnancies 3
births 3
childrens ages: 14, 12, 9 (all boys!)
(this makes me nine plus years postpartum)

There is a fire in all of us. Sometimes I only have enough to keep the pilot light on. Sometimes I’m a torch. A bonfire. Sometimes, I am a wildfire- unruly and all-consuming.

I’ve been a mother for almost 14 years- I suppose it’s more accurate to say almost 15 years- how could I leave out the 9.5 months of my first pregnancy! I have three sons and the age span between the oldest and youngest is less than 5 years.

Today I am on fire! High and blazing. Excited and eager to live and breathe and make each day count. I make fitness a high priority, but I find that the aesthetic benefits are just a side affect of what taking care of my body does for me. I like feeling good in my own skin and when women ask me how it is that I am in such good shape after having 3 kids I do not hesitate to say “I work my ass off” with a totally straight serious face. That is exactly what I do. I’m a runner. I run about 20-30 miles a week. I MAKE the time for it- it’s as important as wiping my butt, or brushing my teeth or taking a shower. While we could survive without doing these things, if we fail to do these things regularly, we put our health at risk. I feel the same way about exercise. It’s an important part of maintaining your life. I also watch my diet- I make healthy choices and enjoy treats and indulgences about once a week. I keep anything that I absolutely love devouring out of my home.

I can’t help but notice that I’m in better shape than most of my oldest son’s female friends. I’ve heard people say to him “is THAT your mom?” and I must admit, it gives me a confidence boost.

There have been times when my fire was weak. I was that down, self-deprecating out of shape woman that looked at fit women and wondered if I would EVER feel or look as good as they do. I thought they had some special gift that I did not. Genetics. Will power. Money to hire a trainer or a personal chef. Blablablabla. But they aren’t special. They’re no better or worse than you or I. You cannot see inside their hearts. They may be fit for the wrong reasons. None of us are perfect. The photos you see that show flawless bodies are like a mirage. They aren’t real. What truly matters is what is in your heart. How is your fire? Does it burn for you and your passions and your goals, whatever they might be?

You can’t show the “shape” of a person’s heart in a photo. But if we wanted and if we are brave, we can show our hearts by showing who we really are. Some of the “worst looking” photos of me capture priceless moments. Who cares if it’s taken at a bad angle or my hair is unkempt? Did you ever stumble across a social network profile and notice that EVERY photo of that person shows them with flawless makeup, perfectly groomed, at their best angle, or smiling just perfectly? What does it mean when we hesitate to share our “real” moments- the ones where vanity and image are irrelevant because we’re too busy uhm… living???

I am not afraid of “looking” bad while living well. Upon finding this site, I too quickly realized how easy it is to see and believe photos like this:

or this:

Not bad, right? That’s me! I am 5’3″ and had 3 babies. The first one was 10 lbs 1 oz. I was 206 lbs right before delivery. The second one was 8 lbs 13 oz. Since I was chasing a toddler through that pregnancy, I only weighed in at 170 lbs before delivery. The third one was induced EARLY and weighed 8 lbs 3 oz and I was well over the 200 lb mark 2 weeks before his due date!

But we forget that there is NO such thing as perfection and here is the proof:

My tattoo is almost 16 years old and has some impressive battle scars, don’t you agree?

Here is a side shot of my lower abs and thigh:

What CAN’T you see in all of these photos? My heart. My fire. My passion for feeling alive. You can’t plainly see it from the outside on anyone can you? There is no way- perhaps because it is beyond what our eyes can see. The shape of our bodies and what we see in the mirror shouldn’t be the most important thing. We need to nurture the shape of our hearts.

Updated here.