Update

Update, 15 Year Old Mother (Terressa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 11 Comments

Previous entry here.

This is an update from my first submission here on SOAM. When I first typed this I had this whole long story about what I’ve been through the past year, but I realized it would be a VERY long story. So here’s a summary of my first year of motherhood (although it’s still fairly long):

I had my c-section on September 3rd last year, it was horrible and I never want to have another c-section in my life. EVER. The first few months were the hardest, especially after my daughter’s father had to leave to go back to Tennessee. I had hardly any help and was trying to do school work as well. Once my daughter got older and started crawling and sleeping through the night things were much easier. My mother went into a coma in March, and passed away in April. This was when I said “Away with you self-esteem problems!” What’s the point of wasting my life thinking about how much I want a perfect body. It won’t ever happen so I got over it. I can still live a fantastic life without a perfect body. At the time, me and my boyfriend were broken up, but he was still there for me after my mom died even though he also had another girlfriend at the time. After her death it was hard to pick myself back up. I was depressed constantly, I cried easily, I got pissed off at everyone for no reason, I stopped exercising and eating healthy, I wasn’t doing my school work. I reverted to self-harming, and my family saw it, but didn’t bother to ask why or get me any help. I picked myself up finally and I’ve been catching up on my school work (I’m about 5 months behind), I’ve been exercising daily again, and I’m just happier overall. My daughter was my only real motivation to pick myself up again, and without her I don’t know where I would be today. My boyfriend and I are back together, we’ve broken up several times (mostly because he still lives in Tennessee, long-distance relationships are hard to maintain), he’s found several different girls to replace me (all of them of course being much more gorgeous than myself, further plummeting my self-esteem), but in the end we always found ourselves going back to one another. He’s been there for me through everything, even if we weren’t together and even if we hated each other’s guts at the time. SO I’m hoping that things will only get better between us once he moves back to Florida this month. My daughter is almost one now and she’s hitting all of her milestones, she’s perfect, healthy, and happy. Everyone told me that because I was a 15-year-old mother I wouldn’t be able to properly raise her. Well this is my big SCREW YOU to who ever doubted me. I’ve raised this baby girl BY MYSELF for this whole year. My parents did NOT raise my daughter, I did. So every one who thinks that age defines your ability to be a parent can now admit how wrong they are.

For anyone wondering about my weight loss, by the end of my pregnancy I was 175lbs (which is HEAVY when you’re only 5’1″.) I was about 145lbs last time I submitted, I was a size 12, and a D-cup. Now I am about 120lbs, I am a size 7, and a B-cup. I’m very proud of how much weight I’ve lost, now I’m just hoping to tone up my body again and get rid of my still-pregnant looking tummy. My stretch marks have faded and are silver, but I have a wrinkly looking belly and that is the only thing I wish I could change.

Another side note: To any teen mothers out there struggling, there is hope. Life may seem bad, you may be behind in school, living in a crappy place, struggling with your appearance, dealing with a screaming child day after day after day, dealing with relationship problems, but just a take a few minutes each day to look at your child and remember why you’re going through everything. Without my daughter I don’t know what I’d do to stay sane. If you ever need advice, encouragement, or just to vent you can always email me at terressagallup AT gmail.com

Photos 1&2: Me now at 1 year PP.

Photo 3&4: Me & my daughter when she was first born/ Me & my daughter now.

Photo 5 : My babygirl <3 Photo 6: A picture of me & my mom when I was a baby, I realize that this doesn't have much to do with my post but I want to include it because my mother was the strongest woman I've ever known and if I can be even a fraction as strong as she was I'll be happy. ~Age: 16 ~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy/ 1 Birth ~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year. [gallery]

3 Months After 3rd Child (Kristin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 10 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

I have posted here after i had my first child and again after my second. I have since then had another baby. I am going to be 24 in a few months, My first is my son who is 3.5 years old now, My daughter is 2 years old and my youngest is also a girl who is 3 months old. I usually start my weight around 105-115lbs, and by the time i deliver i am around 138-140lbs. My 3rd child was born in April weighing 8lbs 5oz’s, she was heavier then my first daughter who was 7lbs 15ozs, but ligher then my son who was 8lbs 9ozs. My weight right now at 3 months postpartum is 115lbs(i’m 5foot4), which i am happy with on most days, my goal weight is anywhere between 110-115lbs.. Things have been good here, I have my days where i am depressed about my body but i try not to let it get me down, tho it can be hard on some days. I have to contunie telling myself that i look good after having 3 kids, some days i believe it, other days i dont. My husband is always saying i am beautiful and sexy, thats all i should care about, as long as he finds me sexy that should be good enough right? but i cant help how i feel some days. I am getting better i think on my body image but i still have hard days, but i need to get over it, i have 3 beautiful kids and a loving husband. And i need to raise my girls to love themselfs no matter what, and for my son to know this is how mommies look..they may have marks but they are beautiful:)

All you ladies are beautiful, i wish one day we would all feel it. Thanks again Bonnie

1st pic(pink top/jeans)34weeks pregnant with my 3rd, 2nd pic(with brown dress)40 weeks with 3rd child. 3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th-3months postpartum. 8th pic-My baby girl 3 months. 9th pic-My other 2 babies with Daddy :)

Follow Up, A Year After Childbirth (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

Previous post here.

When I read over my previous submission from a year ago, my stomach clenches and my chest feels tight. I sounded so sad and hopeless, like pregnancy was an entry into a beauty contest that I had already lost. I have almost zero pictures of me and my baby when she was very young because I was so uncomfortable with my appearance and I will always regret that. I wish I could go back in time and say “Stop wallowing and take some damn pictures with your baby!”

I worked extremely hard in the following months to lose the 70lbs I gained during pregnancy. Strapped my daughter to my chest in a carrier and walked around the neighborhood as often as I could, followed a strict diet and did strength training in my living room when my kid fell asleep. It was tough but I’m stronger than I have ever been because I now have a reason to be healthy and not just skinny. I’m the first to recognize that I was relatively lucky in the skin department and admit that I sometimes use self-tanner/push-up bras to conceal my “flaws”, but no diet or exercise regime will ever erase the stretchmarks from my hips and thighs or lift my boobs back to their starting position. Obnoxious people in my life still have some less than flattering comments but I am usually OK with rocking a bikini because I earned these abs AND these stretchmarks.

Anyway- over the last year, my happiest memories have never been related to my outfit or my weight. The best days were the ones when I forgot about my appearance and just spent time with my kid.

First pic- six months after birth
Second pic- 11 months
Third pic-my guns from carrying an infant

Hating My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

2 Births
6 weeks Postpartum

Hey everyone. First of all let me just say I LOVE this website. It helps to see everyone else is struggling with their body image and acceptance just like I am.

I have had 2 awesome kids. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and now a 6 week old son. I got ZERO stretch marks with my first pregnancy and with my second ugh!!! I got them in the worst possible place, the ones on my sides I couldn’t care less about, those are never seen and they are expected where they are. The ones on my chest are terrible, they are deep and none of my clothes will work anymore because of how high up they are on my chest. I have a hard time being intimate with my husband and although he wont admit it, I think it bothers him. I had the perfect perky C size breast before my daughter and they were just lovely. I never could have imagined the pancake stretch mark things I have now. I am thinking about a breast lift or augmentation… or both!? I also am considering laser treatment on my stretch marks but right now I am now well so it would be really hard. I am happy about my stomach size though, especially since I am unable to exercise due to a autoimmune disorder I have which causes me to be almost completely bedridden most of the time. I think that’s why I obsess about my body, I am so un-happy about my life. I have to have help with my kids because I cannot take care of them by myself. There is no treatment for what I have either so I am stuck feeling/living this way for God knows how long. Both of my kids were unplanned and we were using birth control as well. I am SO happy I have them though, they truly keep me going and get me through each day. I just wish I could keep the body I had before with the kids I have now… that’s life though.

Updated here.

(Un)expected Miracle (Proudmama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 31
Number of pregnancy and birth: 1
Age of child/months postpartum: 20 months

I’ve been meaning to post an update for a while.

I realized the other day that the reason I hadn’t was because I was waiting for a miracle. I kept waiting for that day where I would wake up without that extra skin and that belly button drowning in wrinkles. Without the abdominal muscle separation that keeps me away from wearing certain type of clothes. So that I could post: “See, if you wait x amount of months, your body goes back to pre-pregnancy shape!” Not quite. Not for me anyway.

But I did take pictures a few days ago with the intend of updating and telling you that my body hadn’t changed much, but upon further examination it has. The changes are more subtle that I expected but while comparing these pictures with the 11months post-partum pictures, there are definitely less wrinkles and I think my shape has overall improved. It might just be because I’ve gained some confidence or because after 19 months of breastfeeding my breasts look like their old self again. It might very well be an optical illusion caused by lighting and a slight tan…But the important thing is that I’m able to look at myself and think, “You know what, I don’t look too bad at all.”

See the thing is, a miracle did happen, it just wasn’t the one I expected. My baby who at 11 months was just learning to stand on her own…well she isn’t quite a baby anymore. She’s this precious beautiful 20 month old little girl who’s running everywhere, getting into everything and talking up a storm. I’m in awe of her everyday. Every new word, every new skill is a miracle in itself. And while re-discovering the world through her eyes, I can’t help but see myself the way she sees me. And how can I not then think that my motherly shape is beautiful. She still loves to lovingly pat my belly (and now she actually says belly while doing so.) She still occasionally will lift my shirt to see if the breasts that nourished and comforted her for so long are still there. But now she just smiles and lay her head on my chest, “no boobies”, she says. Because she is “a big girl.”

My body might never be what it used to be and it might take me a long time to be confident enough to rock a bikini. But what it did by bringing my daughter into this life was miraculous. And whenever my little girl stops whatever she’s doing and runs over to give me a kiss, it really does remind me of what truly matters.

PS. I just wanted to let you know that after I sent the update, my husband and I found out we are expecting baby #2. We are ecstatic! And although a part of me does worry about how it will affect my body, it really is nothing compare to how blessed I feel to have been given the chance to experience motherhood a second time. I will keep you posted!

Updated here.

I Got My Second Miracle (Michelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 1 Comment

Original entry here.

Age: 26
Number of pregnancies: 5
Number of births: 2
Ages of children: 3.5 years, 2 months

Right around 9 months ago I posted my story… I was 6 weeks pregnant and scared as hell of losing another baby. I am happy to report that our second beautiful princess was born may 10th, 1.5 hours into my 37th week of pregnancy. i went to the hospital about 8:00 pm because of pain in my old csection scar… Imagine my surprise when they hooked me up to the monitor and we found out I was having contractions regularly every 2-3 minutes lasting around 40 seconds… I was given two bags of I.V. fluids initially to try to stop the contractions and at 12:04 AM was told I would be having a repeat csection at 1:00 am because i was in labor. Our daughter was born at 1:35 am weiging 7 lbs 13 ounces (big 37 weeker) and 18 inches long. She had some fluid in her lungs so was in the nursery for about 4 hours, but was healthy (aside from a minor kidney issue which we already knew about). We were able to take her home two days later. She is on a daily antibiotic for her kidney issues and we will find out soon if she will need surgery to fix the issue or if they will let her try to outgrow it. Our oldest is an amazing big sister who loves the crap out of “her baby.”

Picture 1: me 36 weeks and 5 days pregnant (2 days before having baby)
Picture 2: my beautiful little princesses
picture 3: me 3 weeks post partum
pictures 4-7: me 8 weeks post partum

Bearing It (Christina Plant)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 26 Comments

My last entry was about where my heart is and how our physical flaws should not prevent us from celebrating who we are on the inside. I showed photos of myself from a couple of different races and my shorts fit so that the stretched hanging skin was not visible. When I wrote that entry, I had run several race distances: 5k, 15k, 10 miler, 20k, and half marathon.

I am proud to be a mother of three sons. I am proud to say that I worked hard to regain confidence in my physical appearance and in my athletic capabilities. (Actually, I had no athletic capabilities before I was a mother- but that is another story.) I earned my position at every starting line with my own drive and determination. This year (the year that I turn 36) I decided I was ready to raise the bar. Did you ever just get the feeling that even though something seemed nearly impossible that you could do it? When something within you that you can’t describe steadfastly believes that you can?

I began training for my first marathon in February of this year. For those who do not know, a marathon is 26.2 miles long. Any other race that is not 26.2 miles is NOT a marathon. Only 1% of the population ever completes a marathon. I used to say I would never do it. But this year, something made me certain that I could. I know a few people who have completed a marathon. They are not better or stronger or more capable than me. If they could train hard and get it done, then there was no sensible reason to say that I could not. I was on fire for this goal. I knew it was going to be difficult and feel impossible at some points but I also know something about myself: if I want it enough, I will get it. (And I am not better or stronger or more capable than anyone else who aspires to a goal. If you want it- whatever “it” might be, start working. If you don’t stop working even when it sucks, then you will get it.) Wishing for, wondering, thinking about or planning is not the same as WORKING to get it. Once I stopped all that and started working, unsurprisingly, I got results.

I ran my first marathon in Lake Placid, NY (that’s right- Adironacks!) on June 12, 2011. I ran the whole thing (with the exception of a few steep downhill portions) and finished strong. Every mile was dedicated to someone I loved and that is what kept me going for 26.2 miles of rolling hills. The runners that surrounded me were such an inspiration. Every person that steps out to the start impresses me. I don’t care if you finish in 3 hours or 8 hours. Everyone has a reason for why they are there that goes deeper than the actual physical run. What an honor to stand among all of these bold determined people and begin this grueling but glorious journey together.

All types of people run. It’s fascinating and liberating to see that sheer will and determination has no standard shape or size even for this extreme distance. If you want it, get it, right? Don’t wait until your belly is perfectly flat. Don’t wait until your arms are toned. Don’t wait until you are a size 4. You’ll always find some other flaw anyway so celebrate who you are inside AND outside now. This was part of the reason I decided to run a marathon- I wanted my body to do something amazing. I wanted to feel what it is like to believe and endure and keep moving (literally) toward my goal even when it seems impossible and even when I didn’t want to keep going. To believe beyond reason when the only reason to believe is to show yourself that you can- that you will- if you want to enough.

During this race, I noticed something. There were very few who were not lean or aesthetically ideal who stripped down for the sake of comfort. I tend to take the “when in Rome do as the Romans do” stance on things, so I did not shed my top layer. This was mainly because I was wearing new shorts that seemed to ride lower than I’m used to and I didn’t want to be self conscious of the stretched skin on my stomach while I was running. I was hot. Then it down poured for 40 minutes and I was soaked to the bone. But I ran in a soaking wet shirt instead of bearing it in my sports bra and shorts like so many others did.

What if I didn’t care? What if the others who weren’t “perfect” didn’t care either? What if we showed the world and the media that we are happy with who we are and that we don’t need to hide or alter our bodies to feel amazing and alive? Why do I care? I’m a mother. I’m proud of what my body has accomplished and I’m happy to tell any woman that I love my body even though I am flawed from pregnancy and I am always willing to show her if she doesn’t believe me. I actually thought about this for awhile I was running and wondered how I could change this. How could we all change it and remove the silly notion that women’s bodies are better when artificially modified? Am I the only one that thinks it’s silly to wear a bra that pushes your breast up to your neck? Wouldn’t it be frightening if your boobs were really that high? Wouldn’t it be tiresome to have to hold your baby up to them while nursing?

Anyway, I crossed the finish line and was overjoyed and beyond proud. This was the moment that I spent months training for. This was what running over 400 miles during training was all about. No one did this but me. So I had to do something even more amazing. I registered for another marathon just two weeks after this one. I wanted to qualify for a Marathon Maniacs membership and one way to do that is to run two marathons in 16 days or less.

I found myself in Pennypack Park in Philadelphia, Pa two short weeks later struggling through the same distance. It was much hotter (mid 80’s) and I was literally drenched in sweat by mile 9. I saw the same trend- the lean, tight-bodied, and young stripped down so as to be more comfortable in the heat. The chubby, old, and disproportionate tended to stay covered, with rare exception. I had already decided that I would strip down too. Who else was out there running their second marathon (ever) just two weeks after their first? Who else among these runners raised on a diet of ramen noodles, rice, and canned vegetables who barely passed phys ed and never dared to participate in school sports? Who else had three children and was in the best shape of their life just as these children are entering adolescence?

So I did what I should’ve done in Lake Placid. I took my top layer off. I purposefully wore the same shorts that were too low to hide my lower abdomen. AND I purposefully wore a sports bra that had no padding/enhancement/etc. If I don’t fearlessly do this, what am I saying to myself? That I’m not good enough? Why? Because I didn’t see the purpose of having a surgeon implant sacks of saline into my chest? Because I believe it’s illogical to have a surgeon carve out the skin that stretched during of the precious time that I carried my sons? I need to mull over the previous paragraph again if any part of me believes that I’m not good enough. No one needs to hide. Yes we should all strive to improve. Better yet- strive to do something amazing. Something that amazes you. Something you have always wanted to accomplish or something you never thought that you could do. Work your ass off. Do not give up. Take all the time that you need. But for goodness sakes, do not hide. If you love who you are and who you strive to become, please do not hide what is inside or outside. Bear it. And be grateful and proud. Who’s with me?

Summer Lovin’ (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

My daughter will be 3 months old on the 4th of July. That is coming way too fast for me. I really thought 6 weeks after birth I would be back to pre-pregnancy…Seems like every girl I know bounces right back. I lost 35 pounds in the hospital after I had her. I still am weighing 12 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I know they say “9 months to gain, 9 months to lose” but I always thought I would be different. I am disappointed in myself for not working out. She is sleeping all night now! From 9pm-6am but she keeps me so busy during the day and isn’t a napper. So, we are always playing and doing things during the day. Then by the time the evening comes I am beat. I really need to find the strength in me to start working out again. I used to be in pretty good shape.

I try to tell myself that none of that matters. My wonderful husband loves me and thinks I am beautiful and my daughter will always look up to me just like I looked up to my mom and still do today. I want her to grow up knowing that all women are beautiful and that I am not ashamed of my body. My stretch marks are the marks of my love for her and my husband. I gave up my youthful looking body to give her life and to give my husband a daughter. We are a family now and my body is what made that happen.

I was so afraid when I became pregnant that I was going to end up with stretch marks on my stomach. I rubbed myself down with every kind of stretch mark cream that exists in hopes of keeping them away. I checked my stomach and had my husband look where I couldn’t see to make sure I hadn’t developed them yet. I was clear of stretch marks by the time I went into the hospital to be induced! Yay, I was so happy! J Right after I gave birth to her though, and I was in the post partum room, I got up to take a shower and SURPRISE. These lovely little marks had appeared under my belly button. I cried and cried to my husband and he told me I was crazy. He said they weren’t that bad and that I got off really lucky. Everyone told me that. I wouldn’t believe them for anything. I thought it was the end of the world. A few weeks after my daughter’s birth, I just decided not to care anymore. Why was I so hung up on it anyway? My daughter was growing up right before my eyes and my husband was dying for my affection and I was just too distracted to notice!

Well, enough of that. I am done feeling sorry for myself or being down about the way my body looks. I am a woman! I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! I am more in love with my husband than I ever have been. Our relationship is better than ever, so obviously my body is not an issue for him. Why is it for me? The stupid media tries to convince me to be skinny right after birth. Sorry, but I am not one of those women that go in for a scheduled C-section and gets a tummy tuck right after. I am not “too posh to push”. I gave birth to my daughter naturally and nobody can take that empowering experience from me. Every woman that has been through pregnancy and birth (c-section or not) should be very proud of themselves because that is a great accomplishment and one of the hardest things on the human body. So, obviously we aren’t going to come out of it mark free! We are going to have marks and scars because our bodies were put through hell.

My daughter is my world. I never want to let her see my insecurities about my body. So, I am starting today. Before she is old enough to be aware of me covering myself up, I am stopping. I am getting out in the sun and wearing a bikini. That’s right, I said bikini. I am going to say to the world, (Or just everyone at the pool) “Hey, this is the shape of a mother, and if you don’t like it, that is YOUR problem, because I am beautiful.” I encourage all of you to do the same, for yourselves, your partners, and your children. We can change the way the world sees mothers, we just have to stop hiding.

Picture 1- Me just got back from the pool
Picture 2- Kiss it society!
Picture 3- Me and my beautiful daughter
Picture 4- The loves of my life :)

I Feel Hideous (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 22 Comments

age: 22
pregnancies:2
births: 2
age of children: 2 and 1 (on june 29th)

I’ve been reading stories here on TSOAM for awhile now. And I have finally gotten the courage to write the self-image struggle I am going through right now.

I was raised by a materialistic mother where looks, glamour, and fashion were a priority.

I was the tomboy type. Hair in a pony tail, wearing comfortable clothes, care-free of what the world saw me as. That was my attitude through my high school years. I didn’t care what people thought of me. If they wanted to judge me by my looks, fine.

I was also “realistic” when it came down to looks. My mom always told me I was too fat and ugly.

I didn’t think I was TOO fat. I would say I was a bit thick, but not fat.

In terms of being ugly, I don’t know…I had my pretty days, I had my ugly days, but boys have told me I was cute. I would say I’m just average.

I didn’t let my mom bring my confidence and self-esteem down. But it was an everyday hobby of hers.

“You’re so fat.”

“I can’t believe you’re my daughter.”

“Why couldn’t you look more like your sister?”

“Do you always have to wear those jeans?”

“When are you going to start wearing make-up?”

“You know you’re ugly, right?”

I’m 4’11” and I never went past 120 and never below 100 but mostly stayed at 105-110.

(My weight fluctuated A LOT because I’m a terrible picky eater..so it was always famine or feast with me)

Well, I got pregnant when I was 19 with my first child and I was clueless. I didn’t know anything. Literally.

So I just lied around the house, eating whatever I wanted but never exercised (and I was work-out-aholic), thinking that’s what pregnant girls did (so naïve, I know). I ended up gaining 67 pounds but my doctor said I was healthy and so was my baby girl.

After giving birth I dropped to 140-145 but 3-4 months later, I got pregnant again with my second.

During those first three months however, my self-esteem was at an all time low.

Ladies at my church don’t even look fat. They are model skinny.

Seeing them so skinny, even after having three kids, made me feel depressed.

My mom hounding at me about how hideous I looked wasn’t exactly helpful either.

I got stretch marks on my calves, ALL AROUND my thighs, my stomach, and my hips. EVERYWHERE.

And it was hard to adjust seeing bright, red wrinkly lines on my skin that was once smooth and soft.

It was even more difficult seeing my stomach. My mom was right…I am hideous.

Through that depression, I found out I was pregnant.

I pushed my self-pity aside and tried to be as happy as I could.

But this time, I educated myself about pregnancy.

That’s when I found out that exercising is a healthy part of pregnancy.

I started a workout routine right away, determined to not gain 50+ pounds again.

This time, I gained 15 pounds.

And after giving birth to another beautiful baby girl, I weighed 135.

Seeing that weight drop brought on a lot more depression.

I was happy I lost more weight than I did with my first pregnancy, but it was because of exactly THAT, that got me depressed.

Why didn’t I learn about pregnancy before instead of just getting by other people’s advices (whom never mentioned exercising…)

I could have gained 15-20 pounds the first time and maybe I wouldn’t be so fat right now. I wouldn’t have so many stretch marks. My baby would be healthier. I had the worst baby blues, it was at the point where I was contemplating suicide. But I never told my doctor…I don’t believe in medication if I don’t think it’s necessary.

My oldest is now two and my second will be one in a couple weeks.

I am happy for the most part. As in, I am happy when I don’t see myself in the mirror.

When I do, I’m hit with that regret of not controlling my weight my first pregnancy.

I’m hit with depression all over again because I let myself get so fat.

My husband tells me I am beautiful..but I just don’t believe it. (Side effect from my mom’s raising..I can’t ever accept compliments on my looks..)

I love my baby girls, they are hilarious and beautiful. My husband is always supportive and loving.

I just wish I can be confident again.

Or at least just…comfortable in my own skin again…

pic 1: side view of my post partum tummy
pic 2: front view of my post partum body
pic 3: post partum breast and tummy
pic 4: holding in my tummy- I wouldn’t mind looking like this

Updated here.

Gaining More Confidence (Apryl)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous entry here.

Pregnancies – 4 or 5
Births – 3
18 months post-partum

Even in my original post, I tried to make myself sound a lot more confident than I really am. But I am gaining a lot more.

As of right now, I am about 90 pounds lighter than I was prior to getting pregnant with my youngest child. I’ve also separated from my husband, and he is putting me through hell with getting our divorce. It’s no easier being a single mom now than it was before. But I’m learning to love myself again. And I decided to get serious about getting healthy. I’m getting there slowly.

These pics were taken 6-16-2011

Updated here.