Postpartum

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Four or More Pregnancies, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Question, Submissions 9 Comments

Please tell me what I can read! I’ve had children I’ve got a mess of a stomach etc stretch marks loads of problems… 4 children were the ex husbands he told me after I had kids he missed my body from before I had children (I don’t know where to start), cheated on me. Divorced him. Was single for years . Met a guy thought he was nice almost two years ago now we have 1 son together now. And I found out he’s gone out where there’s skimpies, had porn and crap on Facebook, been liking porn on Instagram. I can’t breath! It matters to me I told him I’m not ok with it and he says it means nothing but it’s not ok, it makes me feel like I mean nothing and he didn’t love or want me.

I just feel like I could stop breathing and die I can’t take this…

What did I do I can’t do anything about my stretch marks

My New Body (Melissa C)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

My son will be 10 weeks old in a couple days and I’m at a loss for words because I can’t believe it has flown by so fast. I feel like it was just yesterday he was born. It was my first pregnancy so I was eager to follow all the guidelines to being pregnant including eating healthier than I normally would, taking my vitamins every day and taking care of myself as best I could. The one thing I had no control over was the rapidly increasing amount of stretch marks that started to cover my body slowly taking it over. I was never really in love with my body to begin with. I’ve been self conscious about myself and my weight since I was in middle school. My weight always fluctuated throughout the years and it seems like I was always on a diet trying to lose weight. I loved being pregnant and being able to feel my baby move around inside me. Knowing that he was depending on me to grow him, care for him, and protect him made me feel important. But the way my body was changing and getting bigger made me hate myself even more. I hated the way my stomach was covered in stretch marks. I would never take a belly picture without a shirt on. I tried everything to prevent them- from Palmers cocoa butter, Palmers tummy butter, Palmers oil, organic coconut oil, and exfoliating consistently and nothing worked. And I never thought back then that it could get any worse, until now. The loose, saggy, wrinkly skin that hangs down from my stomach makes me feel so depressed. I know it was worth it because I get to be the mom to a beautiful little boy that loves me so much. At the same time though, I don’t feel happy with myself. I can’t imagine ever feeling beautiful again. I’m jealous of the girls that think they’re fat but take for granted their flawless skin. I would love to be that girl again. You can always lose weight if you you aren’t happy with your size, but you can never get rid of the deep marks scattered over your skin. If there was a clean unmarked area of skin on my body it is now tagged with the marks of having a child. They’re literally everywhere. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini, or any bathing suit for that matter. I am just trying to accept the fact that this comes with having my son and there is nothing I can do about it now so why waste my energy focusing on it? I wish I could be truly happy with myself and finally love myself, stretch marks and all.

Age: 24
# of pregnancies: 1
Age of child: 10 weeks

Unplanned C-Section (Greenbean)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

I went into the hospital at 7:30 am to be induced. After several hours of my baby’s heart rate being consistently low and frequently dipping further it was clear she was not coping well with labor and with my cervix refusing to dilate past 2cm despite doing all we could we knew that a vaginal birth would not be possible and I went in to have a c section a little after 2 am. Although some people see it as such, a cesarean is not “the easy way out”, it does not make me any less of a mother nor does it make my daughters birth any less valid. This was not something I wanted or expected. It was very scary and upsetting, it was painful, and the recovery has been slow and difficult, but the umbilical cord was wrapped around her throat three times so it needed to happen so my baby could be born safe and healthy and I would do it again in a heartbeat for her. She is perfect, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and this scar is a reminder that we did what was necessary for her sake and I am incredibly proud of that.

21 years old
2 weeks postpartum
1st baby

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My postpartum body is horrible, and I have a lot of insecurities!!! (K. Evans)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Body Image, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Well for starters I have a lot on my plate. I’m a single mom, I work, and go to school. I just turned 20 last December, and this was my first pregnancy. I love my son to death I wouldn’t trade him for anything, I just regret having him at a young age. I feel like a bad mom sometimes because I get so down about my postpartum body, and it worries me so much I lose focus on what’s important. I’m 3 months pp and I thought I would be at least almost back to normal but I’m not. My stomach is very wrinkly and covered with stretchmarks as well as my sides, thighs, hips, even my calves. I don’t even want to date in the future because of it…its just that awful. The only thing that cheers me up about it is my son because he was well worth it. I just wish it wasn’t so bad ?

The first picture is me before pregnancy, the last two are me 3 months pp….

I am their Motherbear! (Motherbear)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

3 giant baby bears + short torso = this crepey saggy skin! It just sort of hangs there after losing weight. But you know, some pretty wonderful people began life there so I can appreciate it for the sake of nostalgia. And for those of us who have our abs cut through a few times, i think we can forgive ourselves for not being what we used to be.

~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies. Miscarriage @16 wks, 3 healthy wild boys
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9yrs, 4yrs, 3yrs
~3 C-sections. I still can’t feel my abs.

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Not What I Planned (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, HELLP Syndrome, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Toxemia 4 Comments

1 pregnancy & 1 birth

I’m not really sure how to tell my story, I had it all typed out and deleted it because it ended up being a jumbled mess. It’s much easier to just list the major points so bear with me! (:

-18 when I got pregnant..5’2 and itty bitty with curves in all the right places
– Didn’t gain much weight at all through my pregnancy (overall about 15 lbs in the first and second trimesters combined)
– Developed severe preeclampsia and full blown HELLP syndrome at 31 weeks
– Emergency C-section 2 hours into 31 weeks
– Delivered a tiny little 2 lb 8 oz baby who thankfully has no long lasting health problems and is thriving at 8 months old ?
– spent 7 weeks in the Nicu at my daughters side
– told that I can’t have anymore children because my body just isn’t strong enough to handle it
– After she was born I had stretch marks show up EVERYWHERE and the little weight that I did gain went directly to my tummy
– While I’m not necessarily happy with my body physically I think my hatred for it is more of a mental thing..I despise it for not being strong enough to carry my daughter to term and not being strong enough to bare any more children :(

Art by Babies (Bonnianne)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, My Own Ramblings, News, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

stretchies

This is me. Your SOAM host. This was a big deal for me to share. I wrote a little bit about it on Instagram:

I created SOAM almost ten years ago and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as naked as I do right now in sharing this photo. And I’m pretty sure I’ve actually posted a topless picture before! I took this picture a few years ago with my big camera. I thought that doing an almost-macro shot of my stretch marks would help me to see them in a new light. I thought if I could make them into art, I’d find them more beautiful. But when I loaded the photos onto my computer and looked at them, I was shocked. They were so much scarier up close than I’d expected, so much more violent. So I hid the photos away instead of sharing them. After all these years of work on my body image and I’m still struggling. It’s really hard work to love yourself! And yet, almost five years after I hid away this picture, I’m ready to share it. My stretch marks are some of the most intense I’ve ever seen (and you know I’ve seen a lot over the years!) but that’s okay. My stretch marks aren’t my soul. My stretch marks are part of my story. My biography written into my skin. And this chapter is about how I became a mother to two amazing human beings. And that is kind of beautiful.

I have got a ton of really lovely responses. I shouldn’t be surprised, of course. I mean, I’ve known how wonderful this community is for years now. But it still feels a little extra naked for me to share this because I can’t just be anonymous here. And so I’ve been just uplifted by you guys once again. Here are some of the comments I’ve received:

“Seriously as I scrolled by I didn’t notice the poster and I thought it was an art website I follow. I stopped because it was so beautiful- looks like sculptural trees. Truly beautiful.” – Kristina M. B.

“love this so much. I see in this image the strength and fragility it takes to carry and birth a baby. The human body and mothering spirit is truly an amazing thing!” – Lauren B.

“I see an incredible amount of stretch and give that is needed to become an entity that can bear, birth and mold another spiritual being into existence. NOTHING to be ashamed of. Beautiful.” – Amber D.

“Its beautiful to see how our skin is so strong yet so delicate” – Bernadette L.

And a couple that I found really powerful:

“They *are* violent, and a testament to the incredible strength of a woman’s body to create and house new human life. Pregnancy and birth have degrees of violence to them that we do a disservice to ourselves by denying.” – Leah M.

“Oh, honey. Even if your stretch marks were your soul, they would not be something to be ashamed of. They would still show your beauty.” – Heidi S.-P.

And, honestly, she’s so right. I think I was trying to say that they are not my entire aspect, they are not all of me, in and out. They are but one facet of who I am, and they are absolutely important enough to be my soul, aren’t they? My children are parts of my soul and they’ve written on me in love so that no matter how they grow, they will also still always be within reach of my touch.

Mom of Two Boys and Four Angels (MommaPitbull)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

In 2008, at 20 years old, I gave birth to my oldest, Eddie, and I became a mom via emergency c-section. After 38 hours of labor my firstborn got stuck while I was pushing, we were rushed into emergency surgery and he made his entrance five days after his due date at 4:03 am, 7 pounds, 14 ounces, 21 inches long. After having jaundice and a brief stay in the NICU, we got home and began our new life as a tiny family. Two years later I met the man who would become my husband, and our little family grew.

When we’d been together two years, we got two pink lines after a year of TTC and a diagnosis of PCOS, our first pregnancy! We were thrilled! But 8 weeks along we lost our precious miracle, the first of three miscarriages. Then our little girl, Lilly, was stillborn at 22 weeks gestation in August 2013. I almost gave up on the hope of other children all together.

Finally in September 2014 we got two pink lines again. I had a good feeling about this time, I even started having dreams about a baby boy. In December we learned my dreams were right, it was a boy we would be welcoming to our family! We chose the name Alexander, and waited impatiently for the weeks to pass til I was passed that magical 24 week viability – the point at which our son would hopefully be safe even if he arrived early.

The fates smiled on us and Alex arrived full term and healthy! 7 pounds, 2 ounces, 21 inches long, via repeat planned cesarean at 10:15 am on a beautiful May morning. His big brother came right to the hospital that afternoon and held his baby brother, declaring it the best day of his life! The four of us could not have been more in love.

Today Eddie is seven and a half, Alex is seven months old, I’m a month from my 28th birthday, and we are about to move into our first house.

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6 pregnancies, 3 births – two live, one still, 3 miscarriages.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 1/2 years and 7 months

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52 and Utterly Depressed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Body Image, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

Hi lovely ladies it has been some comfort to me reading your stories tonight, I am 52 and have 3 children, 31, 27, and 15 yrs of age. I was always a lovely C cup until I had my first child, whilst still fitting into a C, the top of the bra was unfilled.

2nd child not too much difference.

I had my 3rd child later in life age 37 with my new man who didnt have children, never seen a pregnant tummy and had never seen the aftermath. Sadly after this birth my boobs just caved in on themselves, they are horrid, I still cant stand looking at them 15yrs on. About 10yrs ago it really got me down, hubby says he loves me the way I am but one day when he was less understanding he said to me ‘why can’t you just accept that you are down there and not like an up there 18 yr old’.

I guess his frustration of me going on about my grievance got the better of him, but that was doomsday for me, so he thinks they are awful too. I have never gotten over this, when we are out I see him looking at other woman, one cannot help it these days, boobs are in your face so to speak. He actually lost conversation the other day when a woman walked passed us in the supermarket, I continued on with our conversation and he said to me ‘I have no idea what your talking about’.

He works in the mines with loads of promiscuous young ladies, I’m really at wits end. Now I have hit menopause and dont even feel like a woman, I feel like shaving my head and cutting my boobs off so I havnt got the burden.

I absolutely hate myself and hate myself for hating myself.

Our marriage is almost in ruins because of this.

I tell him that when men wear their cocks on their chest and some have enhancements that will make him feel embarrassed compared to what he has then he may understand. Life is not reality anymore, men dont see fake, or proportion, they see BOOBS and dont give a hoot where they have come from. I have even contemplated suicide but wouldnt do it to my children.

I feel so selfish.