Not What I Planned (Anonymous)

1 pregnancy & 1 birth

I’m not really sure how to tell my story, I had it all typed out and deleted it because it ended up being a jumbled mess. It’s much easier to just list the major points so bear with me! (:

-18 when I got pregnant..5’2 and itty bitty with curves in all the right places
– Didn’t gain much weight at all through my pregnancy (overall about 15 lbs in the first and second trimesters combined)
– Developed severe preeclampsia and full blown HELLP syndrome at 31 weeks
– Emergency C-section 2 hours into 31 weeks
– Delivered a tiny little 2 lb 8 oz baby who thankfully has no long lasting health problems and is thriving at 8 months old ?
– spent 7 weeks in the Nicu at my daughters side
– told that I can’t have anymore children because my body just isn’t strong enough to handle it
– After she was born I had stretch marks show up EVERYWHERE and the little weight that I did gain went directly to my tummy
– While I’m not necessarily happy with my body physically I think my hatred for it is more of a mental thing..I despise it for not being strong enough to carry my daughter to term and not being strong enough to bare any more children :(

Feeling better about my body (George)

Age: 26
3 pregnancies, 1st was a extremely preamture vaginal birth, 2nd was a catastrophic c-section, 3rd one I lost.
My first girl should’ve been 9 years old now, she died almost 6 weeks old. My second girl is soon 6 years old, and I just lost my third child in the first trimester 3 weeks ago.

Because of this page, and all you wonderful mamas, I’m feeling better about my body.
Before I saw all the gorgeous pictures here, I was feeling quite bad about myself. Particularly my belly and c-section scar.

I had my first child just over 9 years ago, vaginal birth, but in week 23, she was 17.5 oz and 11.9 inches. Traumatic and dramatic birth, and I watched them work on her after she was out, intubate her etc. She lived for almost 6 weeks before she couldn’t go on anymore, due to critical and serious illnesses. Long, heartbraking weeks in the NICU with a very sick baby who was in pain a lot.
Loosing her was the total loss. I still wake at night because every cell in my body is screaming for her, screaming that one of the people I loved the most is gone. I miss her more than words can say. The pain and grief vibrates with amplifiers in my bone marrow.Still.
She is with me in my heart and thoughts every day. I love her more than anything.

My second child was born 6 years ago in november. She was born in week 30. That was a catastrophic c-section. She was out less than 10 minutes after I woke up bleeding heavily. She wasn’t breathing and didn’t have a heart rate when born. My placenta had ruptured totally. But they managed to bring her back to me. I am so greatful for that, every day. She was 2.6 lbs and 15.8 inches. I was very sick with HELLP-syndrome, and luckily in the hospital when this happened, or she wouldn’t have made it.
That was a very dramatic and traumatic birth, again. This time though, I was so sick, and lost so much blood, I almost died too.
We were both very critical the first few days.
I didn’t get to see my baby until she was 40 hours old. I don’t even have the words to describe the pain in that.
She pulled through, came home after 7 weeks in the NICU. The next few years she struggled with a lot, they were filled with illness, hospitals, tests, doctors, meds etc.
But she’s doing great now.
My joy and pride, my beautiful, amazing, strong, miracle-girl. I love her more than anything.

Then I got pregnant again, and I was very happy about that. But this time, I lost my child, just three weeks ago, in the first trimester. I am sure she was a third girl. I’ve never felt so empty in my life, this emptiness is filling me up. I didn’t know that a loss like this could be so terrible, so painful.
I dreamed last night, that my baby was gone, and even in my sleep the pain was so real and so overwhelming.
I’m scared I wont be able to carry more babies.
I wanted this baby with all my heart. I miss her so terribly much.

So, that’s my story, longer than I thought it would be.
My contribution to the page.
It is kinda scary this, putting yourself out there like that.
But I’m hoping others can feel better from looking at this page too, so I’m going to do it.
Best wishes to all the beautiful mamas out there, and thanks a lot for this page!

1 Year Postpartum With Twins (Anonymous)

1 year postpartum with twins
29 yrs old

I gave birth to twins last July, time really does fly when you have kids!

My little girl weighed in at 6lb2oz and my little boy at 6lbs14oz. I made it to 38 weeks and had a scheduled c-section. I was huge as you can tell from my pic. I am a pretty small person so it was really rough at the end carrying around of the 53 pounds I gained with the pregnancy. I developed HELLP syndrome at the very end, it wasn’t discovered until the morning of the delivery strangely enough.

I am okay with how my body looks most of the time now, although I do miss my old perfect stomach that I will never have back. I was going to buy a one piece swimsuit for the summer but I thought “why should I cover up my wrinkly twin skin? I should be proud and show off the belly that produced my two absolutely perfect, beautiful babies. :)

Although…. if I could get rid of the damn stretchmarks I would in a heartbeat!

Mom to Twin Boys (Anonymous)

I’m so glad to have found this site. I have five month old beautiful twin boys. I had a very hard time with the pregnancy, and developed HELPP syndrome and delivered at 34 weeks, with a weight gain of 85 lbs! After suffering from post partum depression for the first three months, I finally sought the help I needed. I can’t tell you how much my life has changed. I feel under so much pressure from those around me to be back in my pre pregnancy clothes, but I’m still carrying 35 lbs.I am exercising and trying to eat right, which is really a part of who I was before pregnancy. It gives me great inspiration to hear others stories and struggles instead of focusing on the weight and stretch marks ect. Thanks!