Tattoo

Daily Struggle (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Piercing, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 7 Comments

I’m 28 years old and just had my second child. My first is 7 years old and my most recent is almost 6 weeks old. After my first child I was involved in a few unhealthy relationships. In both of these, I was abused both mentally and physically. Part of the mental abuse included tearing down my self image and pointing out all of my flaws that I was told men would be disgusted with…my stretch marks and sagging breasts with large areola. Now that I’ve had my second child my body has changed again for the worst and all of those damaging statements flooded back to haunt me. This combined with my husband enjoying looking at other females has me fighting a daily battle with myself. I currently struggle with eating. I was 120 before my second pregnancy and gained 55 pounds. I’m currently at 140 but can’t eat. I try to stay positive with this website and positive quotes regarding self esteem and image but then I see my body in the mirror and I break down again. I see all of my flaws and new ones. My areola has gotten even larger and darker. My breasts sag even more and have lost more volume and breastfeeding. My stomach has even more stretch marks and is now longer flat like it was 10 mo this ago. My thighs have doubled in size. I have a tire around my entire midsection.

Most times I can’t even look at myself or others in the eye because I’m so ashamed. I wish more than anything I could be happy and love myself. But with the media/society along with previous men who have told me I’m not beautiful remind me of reality. This daily battle has affected my marriage and I’m afraid my girls will grow to see it. I tell them daily that they are beautiful in hopes that they never have to endure this emotional pain. I have often times turned to his website to help me knowing that there are other women out there who have had children and look beautiful in my eyes. You all truly are but I still can’t see it in myself. I have a consultation for surgery at 6 months post partum to make changes. Even that decision I am torn with. For now I will continue to try to win this fight although it is slowing beating me down.

121415-anon-1

I Feel So Alone (Harley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 6 Comments

AGE: 25
3 pregnancies + 2 births

I have a 21 month old + a 2 month old both born by cesarean.

Ever since I can remember, my only want.. goal, passion.. What have you, was to be a mother. So naturally when I got pregnant with my daughter, I was over the moon. My pregnancy wasn’t so easy, and neither was my cesarean. Given all my issues, I healed up nicely and somewhat quickly. Not too long after did I find out that I was in fact pregnant again. This both pregnancy and cesarean was much easier. I had my beautiful baby boy, 2 months ago .. Almost to the day. I healed way better and way faster this time, which was a huge relief.

Now. I’m left with the aftermath of having two kids 19 months apart from one another. My body is what I like to call it, ” tore up from the floor up”. My belly still hasn’t gone down completely to where I still look pregnant and have had people ask me when I am due. Not only hasn’t my stomach gone down but I have terrible loose skin with stretch marks covering my belly. If I lean over, the loose skin will just bunch together and just hang. When I wear a pair of pants , you can see the bulging of the skin/fat below my underwear line. A pouch, if you will. My boobs, have definitely reduced in size and have become saggy, for sure. As it pains me to admit this and share with the world.. I even wear multiple bras, including stuffing them as well. It’s just horrible, makes me sick to my stomach. Everybody keeps reminding me that I just had a baby or that I’ve had two kids.. But it doesn’t make me feel any different. I see so many women who have bounced back so quickly to not even half of what I have goin on. I express my disgust and self consciousness with my LONG (10years) time boyfriend and he just repeats the same statements. I’ve caught him glaring at my belly a bunch of times but he would never tell me that I’m gross or right to feel the way I do. We have had sex and I hate having to take my clothes off. I won’t take anything from the waste up, off. Even when we are having sex all I’m thinking is how to hide my problem areas and that he couldn’t possibly be turned on by me. I find myself feeling bad for him that he doesn’t have the girlfriend with the nice body anymore. In my head, he only has sex with me because I’m there and it’s only a matter of time until he goes somewhere else for a better looking chick. Nobody is understanding how I’m feeling and I don’t know what to do. I even changed out of a summer dress that was fitting when it was 90 degrees outside because I noticed my stomach bulging and had caught him looking right at my stomach. I feel so far from attractive and so alone. I go online and I research plastic surgery all the time and fantasize about fixing all my problem areas, so I can feel pretty again. I do feel bad complaining about how I look ,like I’m some vain school girl.. I know a lot of other people have much bigger problems but I absolutely hate feeling this way. The only part that makes me feel somewhat better is that I know I have two gorgeous children to show for it. I just wish there was a pill or some magic rain dance I could do to fix this.

Thank You so much for reading!

39 Year Old Mother of 2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 5 Comments

Your site has been such a powerful, positive influence on me. I am a 39 year old mother of 2 amazing boys, ages 3 and 1. I have spent so much of my life at war with my body. I now think back to when I was a much younger size 4-6 and how I felt “fat” back then! Maybe it is wisdom from age, motherhood or a supportive partner but I am finally starting to make peace and accept my figure. After giving birth to my sons my stomach and thighs never really returned to their former prepregnancy state. I am fuller, curvier and softer now that I have ever been. Granted, sometimes the size of my jeans gets me down and the scares on my tummy haunt me but overall I feel like I am finally getting to a point of self love.

Still on my way to accepting myself. (Melanie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

Age: 28
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
my son is 16 month old

When I met the father of my child I was 26 and we both knew instantly that THIS IS IT! We were what we’re always looking for and one month after we became a couple I became pregnant. It was no accident, but we should have thought about it more carefully. We were so desperately in love, we thought being a “real” family is the best we could do. From my todays point of view I’m sad that we didn’t think about it for some more time. From the very beginning we were “three”, and I sometimes wish I could have him just for myself. Just hanging out with him, going out, getting to know him, etc. But what to do.

That was also the reason why I had a really hard time to accept there was some”thing” inside of me. For the first half of the pregnancy I just felt like an incubator for some kind of aggressive alien, that wants to eat me from the inside. When we got to know the gender of the child and then FINALLY found a boys name it was somehow easier to accept – this “thing” inside became a “someone” with a name.
My husband-to-be is amazing, alltime caring and supporting and very understanding. He beared all my doubts and hopelessness, trying to be the best partner one can be. This year we will marry and it just took so much time because I want to have some champagne at my own wedding, and you know I couldn’t so far. :)

We had to wait pretty long for the little man to come, he was 10 days late when we decided to induce labour. It took almost an entire day, without any painkillers etc., all natural. I gave birth to a four kilo boy.

Today this boy is almost 16 months old, very active and healthy, with a strong will. It took some time for me to be able to accept and love this child, due to some problems with postpartum depression and other things. He was and still is very lively and I think everyone has to get used to the fact not to be able to go on living his own life the way he did before. I still struggle with that every day, but there are more and more moments every day when I’m so proud of this charming little troll or when I think how nice it is to have this family. Yeah, maybe I’m just a spoiled brat. The first six months I had to carry him all day, or lie down on the couch next to him. All day! I almost went crazy. He couldn’t sleep alone, started screaming instantly when I just got up to go to the toilet. Honestly? I’m so happy that this phase is over now. I’m about to get my old self back, and that feels so good.

When the boy was about six months old I accidently became pregant again. That was a shock for us. We actually want a second child – but not like this. I wouldn’t have managed. I was about to emigrate to my boyfriends home country, my son was the most exhausting thing in the world, there was absolutely no time for a second child. It wasn’t an easy decision, but in the end I had an abortion. I’m so sorry for this little one, maybe it was the girl we would wanna have, but I still think it was the best decision for all of us. I don’t want to be too overstrained to give my boyfriend the love he deserves and to ruin our relationship with that. You see, I’m no supermommy and whatever I do I will never be, I can just give my best. I have no idea how those “mothers of seven” manage to be able to breathe in their daily life. But well, everyone is different I guess. I have to find my own way to deal with that.

My boyfriend still loves my body, though I don’t really know why. It was also not perfect before and I don’t mind the stretch marks I have now (tits, thighs, belly). There are three to four kilo I just don’t manage to lose, though I was also not happy with my weight before my child. But what really annoys me is my tits. They also weren’t big or well-shaped before, but now they are just small, sagging bags, they look shriveled and poor. The only good thing: they were always very milk-productive (I never had any problems with nursing) and my wonderful body gave me nipples before my son was born, I didn’t have any in the past. :)

I still can’t really accept my body so far, but I also couldn’t before, and I know I have to do something about it. I’m aware of the fact that I look like a normal woman, but that’s such a taboo, no one ever talks about that. So this site is great and it will hopefully help me and others. I KNOW that my body is amazing, I grew a child inside, gave birth to it, nursed it. Female bodies are perfect and wonderful!

1 + 2 my body in the past (23 and 25 years old) both taken by myself, just so you know
3 – 6 situation today
7 21st week
8 35th week
9 birthday of my son
10 I had such monster tits in the beginning!
11 our little dude today!

(I’m sorry if I sometimes don’t express myself in a super correct way, I’m no native speaker.)

First Pregnancy by Cesarean (Tsvetelina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 5 Comments

Hi there. My name is Tsvetelina fit the 23 from Bulgaria. My English is not very good, but I hope you understand what I write. 4 months ago I gave birth to baby girl – Anna. 3.200 kg, 50 cm Pregnancy passed me slightly, the first two months my slightly sick , after 7 months began acids. My term was for July 28, 2012.It’s been two days and my doctor decided to put me in the hospital to induce labor. In the evening I look at ultrasound. It was a normal birth. In the evening the doctor saw that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby and that I am prepared for cesarean delivery. It all happened very quickly. I was very scared. But Anna was born 30/06/2012. I was in the hospital six days. I restored quickly from surgery. Everything is fine now except the abdomen does not want to go. It saddens me. I have stretch marks on the side of love handles. My breasts hung than breastfeeding. I give a milk of me – 40 days and stopped my milk because Anna is eyelid ptosis, and I was very worried. At 2 months of Anna navel operate as it turned out that there granuloma navel. From these concerns stopped my milk. Now Agim calm, do crunches to get my belly. Before I got pregnant I weighed 50 kg. I gained 17 kilograms. At the hospital I lost 6 kg. and for four months I lost 4 kg. I have not trained anything. Now I weigh 57 kg. I hope to get my weight soon.

The first two pictures are from 22/11
Picture with the big belly is 22/07/2012
Photo by Annie is 13/11/2012
The photo of the sea in the summer of 2011

Wishing For Once In My Life I Could Have That Flat Belly Everyone Else Has! (Kylee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies and Births: One Pregnancy and Birth
My Son’s Age: Almost 20 Months
Pre- Preg Weight : 150Lbs
Weight Post Partum : 165Lbs

Hello fellow Mommas! I am new to SOAM as of, well.. now. And Im so happy that I have found a place that I can come to and be myself.. You’re stories are absolutely empowering and I cant believe at how many other women are out there who feel the same way I do everyday!

Well, here it goes.. Before I got pregnant I was with my son’s father for 2 months but we had known each other for approx. 2 years prior to dating. I was about 150 lbs then, my stomach has never been flat ever in my life and i have always had that “pocket” as I would call it. Well during our relationship he would always call me beautiful and sexy, but then he would be texting the same things to his ex girlfriend. Well when I was 3 months pregnant, he was always going to see her and we were always fighting so I left to make life better for my unborn child when he arrived. My son’s fathers ex was a super sized woman when they dated but she had been working out and now is absolutely stunning with her flat tummy and great butt.. As you would guess, this made my esteem lower because clearly he would rather someone with that body type..

As I got bigger and more and more pregnant, he started telling me how fat I looked and how ugly my stretch marks were.. That I started hating myself before my son was even born. I ended up delivering at a hefty 198Lbs. I haven’t been with his father since I was 3 months pregnant and haven’t really had a boyfriend since then either. I feel alone all the time which causes me to be depressed. I feel like no one wants me because of the way I look. I cry every time I look into the mirror. I keep diet jumping or starving myself so that I wont be so ugly anymore. I just wish that someone (a man especially) would come into my life and sweep me off my feet and tell me religiously how beautiful my body is. It is so hard to feel beautiful when you cant even keep a boyfriend while looking the way you do..

Although I don’t like the way that I look right now, I’m sure that being on this site with all of you supportive and beautiful mama’s out there will assist me in gaining better self-esteem. Thank you so much for listening.

Pictures are as follows : Pre pregnancy , While pregnant, Right after birth (pajama pants) , Now(shorts) and (pantless) lol.., And then my beautiful son a couple days ago. <3 [gallery]

I’ve Earned my Tiger Stripes (Tara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 3 Comments

When i first discovered I was pregnant I searched everywhere for post baby bodies, terrified of what I was going to look like after. I didn’t find anything then but recently came across your site and loved it! Hopefully by sharing my story and images I can ease the fear of other soon to be moms!

I am 21 years old and the mother of 1. I am about 5ft10 and I have no idea what I weigh now nor what I weighed before I got pregnant, I did however, weigh 180 at the end of my pregnancy. If I look in a mirror and like what I see who cares what a scale will tell me :). I got pregnant 2 days after my 20th birthday and gave birth to my beautiful baby girl on November 11, 2011 weighing 8lb 4oz. Before I got pregnant I had been wearing the same jeans since grade ten, it took me three months postpartum to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans and now six months later those jeans are to big on me! (I thank breast feeding for that). My shirts don’t fit me so well anymore though since I went from a 36B to a 36D :(. I miss my smaller boobs! These ones are always in the way! I have included three pictures of my stomach, one picture is before I got pregnant and two are 6 months postpartum. Thankfully my teddy bear tattoo still looks like a bear, I got it done with the intention of never having kids (decided that too soon I think). I still love my body and I’ll still be rocking a bikini this summer. I hope every mother out there finds the strength and ability to love the changes in her body after giving birth. I wear my stretch marks proudly because I earned them.

Everyone Tells Me I Look Fine… NOT (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 10 Comments

Age:23
Pregnancies/Births: 1 pregnancy 1 birth
Childs Age: 14 months

Ok so I was 196lbs in March of 2010. I went on weight watchers and got down to 160lbs. June 8th,2010 I stopped weight watchers and my doctor said I had gotten pregnant that first week of June. So long story short, nine months later, at 6:15 pm I delivered my first born. I delivered at 196. How ironic! Anywho, I am now 160 lbs again but I dont feel the same. My husband says that I look great. I dont think so.

I began purging around 17. Stopped for a couple years and then picked up around 6 months PP to try to drop a few extra pounds. I just cant get there. So its off and on now.

Before my son, I had a navel piercing. After I gave birth it stretched out and now looks kind of funny. My breasts sag and I really dont like that. As far as stretchmarks, I got a few more than I already had on my sides, and my stomach ones are centralized around my navel. So although I didnt make out too bad, Im still not 100% comfortable in my “new” skin. Everyone tells me that “I’m a tiger (a mother) that has earned her stripes”. Its an empowering quote but then I look in the mirror. I want to lose 10-15 more pounds.

I would ultimately like to have another kid but when I look in the mirror I am not sure. I am afraid of the effects it will have on my body. Hubby says he loved me at 196, and loves me at 160. But I dont love myself enough yet. I feel like sometimes I am all over the place with my emotions. Just hope I can get a grip. Im tired of everyone telling me that I am trying to get to small. I know where I want to be, and if I cant get there then I will never be happy. The pics are at 39 weeks and now.

Mom of 3 (Amanda W)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Children with Health Complications, Diastasis Recti, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

I am a Mom of three wonderful children. 2 girls and a boy. i was 20 years old when i conceived my first, and she was born weighing in at 9lbs, 20.5 inches. i grew several cup sizes, and gained about 40 pounds, which i havent lost yet. shes 10 now. my middle child is 4, she was 7lbs 14 oz, born at 38 weeks, and a ball of fire. my little boy is now 10weeks, and was 10lbs 4 oz 21 inches at birth. he was born with an imperforate anus (his rectum and anus didnt connect) his was a mild case, and he is mending well, although he scared the crap out of us (pun intended LOL) when he was born. my last 2 were c-sections, my first was a vaginal delivery.

i am 31
3 pregnancies
10 weeks postpartum of number 3, 10yr old, 4 yr old

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 2 Comments

24 year old mother of three 5 years postpartum I wish i was wiser and did not scratch those itchy stretchmarks being that i was only a child myself, my first pregnancy choices as far as my tummy goes. weren’t the best I Have had all birth’s delivered by c section. I Have forfitted my youthful figure with childbearing. I excercise, when i have time but have are hard time with bellyfat. Recently got my tattoo hoping id feel sexier, but really want a tummy tuck.