Daily Struggle (Anonymous)

I’m 28 years old and just had my second child. My first is 7 years old and my most recent is almost 6 weeks old. After my first child I was involved in a few unhealthy relationships. In both of these, I was abused both mentally and physically. Part of the mental abuse included tearing down my self image and pointing out all of my flaws that I was told men would be disgusted with…my stretch marks and sagging breasts with large areola. Now that I’ve had my second child my body has changed again for the worst and all of those damaging statements flooded back to haunt me. This combined with my husband enjoying looking at other females has me fighting a daily battle with myself. I currently struggle with eating. I was 120 before my second pregnancy and gained 55 pounds. I’m currently at 140 but can’t eat. I try to stay positive with this website and positive quotes regarding self esteem and image but then I see my body in the mirror and I break down again. I see all of my flaws and new ones. My areola has gotten even larger and darker. My breasts sag even more and have lost more volume and breastfeeding. My stomach has even more stretch marks and is now longer flat like it was 10 mo this ago. My thighs have doubled in size. I have a tire around my entire midsection.

Most times I can’t even look at myself or others in the eye because I’m so ashamed. I wish more than anything I could be happy and love myself. But with the media/society along with previous men who have told me I’m not beautiful remind me of reality. This daily battle has affected my marriage and I’m afraid my girls will grow to see it. I tell them daily that they are beautiful in hopes that they never have to endure this emotional pain. I have often times turned to his website to help me knowing that there are other women out there who have had children and look beautiful in my eyes. You all truly are but I still can’t see it in myself. I have a consultation for surgery at 6 months post partum to make changes. Even that decision I am torn with. For now I will continue to try to win this fight although it is slowing beating me down.


7 thoughts on “Daily Struggle (Anonymous)

  • Tuesday, December 15, 2015 at 7:58 am

    i hate seeing stories like this – where a boyfriend or husband points out perceived flaws and/or looks to other women for pleasure or as an ideal. as a man and a husband, let me just say that i support you and there is no reason your husband should treat you badly. your body is beautiful and perfect. and for the record, some men find the changes brought on by childbirth/breastfeeding to be attractive – sagging breasts and bigger areolas included. never was my wife more attractive to me than after our children were born and i could see how her body had helped create and sustain such life. i hope you win your battle and realize that your body too is beautiful and attractive!

  • Sunday, February 14, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    I am sorry for this struggle you face and hope for the best. When I look at your photo, I see beautiful womanly curves and a defined waist. I’ve also endured some abuse (mostly emotional) and have the same struggle with seeing my flaws/accepting my body. My boobs are so deflated and saggy, I have stretch marks covering my entire belly, 16 months after my third pregnancy and my belly still sticks out more than my boobs, my inner thighs are so fatty, etc. I know it’s hard but you are not alone!

  • Friday, March 4, 2016 at 8:49 am

    I really feel for you. Please get some proper professional counsel. Your mental health is so important for you to be able to care for yourself and your girls. I hope that your husband does not say anything negative about your body in front of your children. He needs to treat you the way you want your girls to be treated – with love, compassion and sincerity. Your body has done some amazing things and you need a reality check (I mean that in the nicest way possible) as your body is in amazing shape. You need to be able to see it too.

  • Sunday, March 27, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    I had my son at 19 and had a very similar aversion to my breasts after he was born. In my eyes they were horrible and undesirable. I actually dated guy for a while after I had my son that told me I needed plastic surgery so I understand where you are coming from- completely. I ended that relationship and was single for several years after that because I did not want to deal with anyone else seeing me naked and the judgement I feared would follow. At 23 I decided to have implants FOR ME- because I did not like how I felt about myself. I had a lift first then implants 8 months later. I have to admit I didn’t hate my boobs afterwards! However, at about 27 years old I began to think I didn’t like my stomach….maybe a tummy tuck… after lots of thought though I decided against this surgery. Now at 35 years old I can tell you that for me personally the issues with my body were in my head. I will be 36 in October and my body does look different than when I was 16, 18, 25, 30… but that’s ok. It seems like you and I are alike in that we share a personal journey that is similar and my best advice for you is find peace, acceptance and love within yourself- that’s where it must start. I had to learn to love what I saw in the mirror each day- regardless of whether I felt fat or I had a dimple or any other flaw I perceived as horrible. I took practice and commitment but I was able to do it- and so are you. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be treated as such- especially when you look at yourself in the mirror. I was single 28-31 when I finally met a man who loved me for me- exactly as I am. He doesn’t stare and ogle other women, like I was used to with all my exes, he makes it a point to let me know he loves me and thinks I am beautiful- flaws and all. You are a mother and by that feat alone- you are a super woman.

  • Tuesday, May 10, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Beautiful, I’d kill for that chest :(
    how i looked BEFORE 2 kids.

    Mental abuse was humans focusing on you to avoid focus on themselves. I’m sure when you start dwelling on your body you eventually try to distract yourself….You were your ex’s distraction..
    actually had nothing to do with you or your body.
    You’ve been with men who love a beautiful woman’s body because that’s what YOU have. see it for what it is…

    In my personal opinion your body is gorgeous and i wouldn’t touch it with surgeries! I think the only change you could use is to delete those damaging thoughts! Enjoy your body while it’s this beautiful and your girls will never believe differently.
    One day they will have the same body, the same thoughts, prepare them to appreciate themselves.

  • Wednesday, May 11, 2016 at 9:23 pm

    I just want to say that your breasts are beautiful!!! I would do anything to have teardrop shaped breasts with perfectly centered nips. If you ever need to feel better about your boobs, google image search for “tuberous breasts”. That’s what I have. The underfold of my breasts is much higher than it should be, so when I hit puberty, my breast tissue developed out of this horizontal oval around each nipple. This caused the tissue to herniate behind my areolas, making them eternally puffy and the entire breast stopped growing at an A cup, with huge, and i mean HUGE areolas that each look in opposite directions. I dont have an underboob at all. Just a hanging, puffy nipple. With my first pregnancy, I couldnt EBF because there just wasnt enough room in there to create enough milk. My 2nd pregnancy, my breasts had been slightly stretched before and there was now enough tissue to make enough milk to EBF. we’ve been breastfeeding for 14 months now.
    Please… i know how hard it is when your body doesnt live up to what you want it to look like. It might sound so lame, but sometimes it really does help to realize that it really could be worse. You could be up late one night and happen to search “Ugly Boobs” on Tumblr and find a gigantic gallery of unusually shaped breasts… with 85% of them looking just like yours.
    That wont happen to you, because yours are beautiful! And if you truly do want to have surgery, go for it. Just make sure you really want it. Im saving up for surgery now, but only because Ive always wanted breasts that look like yours and with my deformity, surgery is my only option.

  • Wednesday, August 10, 2016 at 12:14 am

    Your chest is amazing! !! And your body does not look bad trust me. I see beauty all around. If you want to tone your stomach up just do sit ups also crunches by laying on your back and move both legs up so your knees touch your stomach straight and also crunching towards the side hope you understand. It will work, I did it with my after my last pregnancy and my stomach was really more out of shape.
    I’m not lying when I say that you body is beautiful and I would love to have that chest and what the heck your nips are awesome! I don’t know who told you otherwise but they have some serious issues and find someone who appreciates you truly.

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