Second Pregnancy

Two More Photos and an Apology (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

Original entry here.

Just wanted to add these pics which better show the saggies and stretchmarks. All the pics except the pregnancy one were taken at about 6 months pp from my second child, the two most recent taken when I was lying down. I feel like I have offended people and I want people to see that I am not some airbrushed supermom who bounced right back, nor am I delusional and imagining the marks I am trying to learn to love.The whole intention of my post was lost I think, and for that I am sorry :(

My Fiancee Loves My Womanly Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

Some days I feel like a beautiful Greek statue. I am 5’2″ and 190 lbs. I am afraid to lose wt bc I like being soft but I need to get down to 145 for my health and confidence. I am the mother of Irish twins and they are 10 mos apart. I got stretch marks everywhere and sometimes they bother me and sometimes they dont. They have faded a lot but my tummy overhang bothers me and I did not have a c section. I have worked hard me and my fiancé work opposite shifts full time and go to school full time but we know it will be worth it for our family. We should all just aim to be well and healthy and educated and not worry about keeping up with the jones or glamour magazine. Ps I love that I have dimples in my bum and my cheeks on my face! Side note I am a licensed massage therapist working in womens wellness and plan to incorporate this site into my work with new moms. I am 23.

Updated here.

Update Baby #2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Since my last entry I have had another baby! My little girl was born 4 days early so that was exciting for us and she weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. With my first pregnancy I gained 55 pounds and found it took alot of hard work to get my body back. This time I worked out my entire pregnancy and ate super healthy. I gained 21 pounds the second time around. My body really snapped back super quick this time so that was nice! It was a bit of an adjustment at first going from one child to two children, but things are going super well now! My son loves being a big brother and my little girl is getting so chubby already. Below is a picture of my belly at 39 weeks pregnant and another picture at 12 days post partum. I am now 7 weeks post partum and pretty much look and weigh the same as I did 12 days after giving birth.

Thanks to all the other moms for sharing your stories! And thank you Bonnie for creating this website. I have been coming to it for years now and I think it’s absolutely amazing and inspiring to all women, :)

10 Years Isn’t Always Enough (Christine-Y)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Second Pregnancy, Sexual Abuse/Violence, Submissions, Suicide or suicidal thoughts 13 Comments

age – 24
2 pregnancies, 2 births
4 1/2 years, and 2 years.

Well, I guess it starts with middle school. My ex-stepfather was an older man who was very manipulative. He mental abused my mom, and treated my brother & I worse. My mom would work 2 jobs, & he would gamble her money at the race track. She even caught him there cheating on her once but she took him back. I promised myself that I would never let any guy treat me like that. He started lying to my mom, telling her how we lazy we had been, while he worked scrubbing the house on his hands and knees. The first time I stood up for myself, he didn’t say anything. My mom left for work the next morning a little after 5 am, he pulled me out of bed by my hair, and told me if I ever tried to discredit him again, I wouldn’t have a mom to “tattle” to anymore.

A few months later I started high school, (my brother & mom would get home 2-3 hours after me) he started molesting me. He would corner me in the kitchen, & one day he tried to take my shirt off, so I locked myself in the bathroom. I told my friend about it, & she said if I didn’t tell an adult, she would. I told my school counselor. The policeman that showed up at home just “happened” to be my step-dad’s nephew. He told my mom I was looking for attention, that I was lying, and that once I was over the death of my step-dad’s dad, I would stop lying and behave better. I kept my mouth shut for 2 years after that – he should me the gun he would put to her head if I said anything again. My counselor didn’t follow up even one time.

I stopped caring about my grades & began to plan my suicide. The night I had hand-picked, I couldn’t find the bullets. 1 week later, my little brother did, and for a few months, he didn’t try to touch me. When my Mom started to wake back up, he started to say I needed new clothes, everything was too baggy. I was a size 5-7, 112 pounds, 5 feet 8 inches but wore a black hoodie year-round (in California) & size 9 jeans to hide myself. He picked up where he left off, & one day told me he wanted to hear me scream, because no one would believe a filthy little liar like me. I was talking to a grief counselor at school, when I mentioned the abuse was still happening. By that evening, my mom had him escorted out of her house, & was in contact with a divorce lawyer. I got to move back home in time to graduate, & started going steady with the man I am married to today.

I can’t imagine life without him here. I still have panic attacks, and I wake up crying, screaming, or just plain scared. There are days where I can’t be touched, and a cupboard door slamming still gives me flashbacks.
We got married a year after high school ( I was 18), 3,000 miles away from my family, and had our first son shortly after I turned 19. I started out at 125 (the most I had EVER weighed) and ended up at 180 by the time he was born, stretchmarks from my breasts to my calves). I was miserable, my hip ( I had a bone graft @ 12) was hurting constantly, & my back (which I hurt while hand-digging a pool, not to mention hand-mixing the cement at 13) never stopped. I hated myself after JJ was born because I couldn’t get him to latch, & had to stop before he was 5 weeks old. I went from a 32B to a 38 DD trying to nurse him. I was so depressed over it, I stopped letting my husband look at me because I felt like a horrible, hideous failure. After 1 1/2 years, I still couldn’t loose the weight ( I was 160 pounds), but we wanted 1 more. With Daniel, I was sick from day one. I lost 32 pounds the first 6 months, & was medicated to help with the nausea. My boss told me it was my fault I got knocked up, so deal with it. My sciatic nerve kept me in constant pain from the end of my 2nd trimester on. I ended up at 162 pounds. When Daniel was born, I tried again to nurse, & even got compliments from WIC on how well I handled the techniques, but he wouldn’t latch either (inverted nipples). I cried for weeks afterword, because he wouldn’t nurse, but I couldn’t pump like I needed either. I was working 60+hours a week (6 days) with 25+ hours of commuting. I would cringe when he would put his arm around me at night, because he would touch my fat tummy. Daniel is 2 years old now, and I am (slightly) more comfortable. I still weigh 156, and I know what it is going to take for a healthy 3rd pregnancy (we are trying & hoping for a girl), and I know there will be pain ahead, but I know that my babies love me, I love them, & as often as my Husband sings “One Hot Mama” to me, he must mean it.

It’s been a long 10 years since my troubles started, but the next 10 will be better. I have a man that calls me beautiful everyday, and two boys that love their mommy. The only way it gets better than this is a house with 2 toilets…;)

Picture 1, 3 – me, 12/09/2010
Picture 2 – my Handsome Boys

Struggling With My New Body (Alexandra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

age: 19
2 pregnancies 1 birth
4 weeks postpartum

pre-pregnancy 142 lbs
delivery aprox 200 lbs
current 170 lbs

In October of ’09 my then boyfriend and I found out we were expecting. He proposed, and we planned the wedding for 2 weeks later. On Halloween I was at work and started spotting. I panicked and went home. The bleeding never stopped, and the next day it became very heavy. Six days before our wedding at 7 weeks pregnant, I lost the baby. We went ahead with the wedding and it was wonderful. After the miscarriage I begged my husband to try again to get pregnant. I was obsessed with getting pregnant and could think of nothing else. As the next few months went by we found out he would be deploying in August and in late February I decided now was not the time to get pregnant. Well low and behold I was already pregnant. My pregnancy was flawless, we even found out my husband was going to deploy in August but December/January. We had no worries, no problems, no nothing. During the next 9months I put on 58lbs. I’m still not sure how I gained that much weight. I struggled with the stretchmarks, and my poor husband did everything he could to help me feel better. Two weeks prior to my due date my water broke. The labor did not go as planned but despite the complications my son is now a healthy happy little boy. After we left the hospital I kept telling myself the weight would just fall off, that’s what everyone had told me. And for the first 2 weeks it did. I went down to 184 in 5 days and then to 172 the next week, but it seems as though i have hit a wall. For two weeks my weight has stayed the same. I see my friends who gave birth within a week or two of me back in their pre-pregnancy jeans and it hurts. In the beginning I said I wanted to be back at my high school weight of 135 by the time my husband gets home from Afghanistan in July. It seems to far away and almost unachievable. After my son was born I stopped caring about my stretchmarks, which is nice. I realize there is nothing I can do with them but give them time. I just wish I could accept this new body. I look in the mirror and I don’t really mind what i see all that much. I don’t hide my body from my husband but the thought of staying this weight upsets me. I know its only been 4 weeks and maybe I had unrealistic expectations after the first 30lbs came off so easily.. I just hope i can accept my new body and be ok with possibly never being a size 3 again.

photos me at 17
Holding my son with my husband for the 1st time
36 weeks pregnant
4weeks postpartum

2 Kids in 2 Years (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 20 Comments

Age: 26
5 months pp
Children: 2, 5 months

I am having a hard time adjusting to the new “me.” Everyone tells you that you can not imagine how changed your life will be after children, and it is, down to the smallest detail. Suddenly your time is not your own, your identity and worth is inexorably intertwined with this tiny human, and even your body does not fully belong to you anymore.

I don’t recognize the body I see in the mirror. I see an old lady’s stomach. A flabby pooch where my babies once grew. Breasts, so full of milk now. that will flag and deflate the second they are no longer needed. I see stretchmarks tattooing my virgin skin, and wrinkles around my navel. Who knew a belly button could grow wrinkles?

But then I stop looking in the mirror. Who has time for that these days anyway? I will probably never love this new body of mine, but I have two new bodies to love. Two pieces of my heart, laughing, growing, loving. And that’s all anybody needs.

Updated here.

You’re Beautiful to Me (Angela)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 18 Comments

~Age: 44
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 14 & 11 years old

I find it ironic that I appreciate my body now more than I did when it was a relatively tight little thing in high school. I used to curse what I called a “pot belly” and would wear oversized sweatshirts to hide it. Over two decades later my tight little pot belly is softened, scarred and sagging in places, yet I can now look in the mirror and rejoice in the beauty of my body. I no longer try to hide it, but wear clothes that reveal my curves and in which I feel feminine and sexy. I also now know that my body is not just for looks and I appreciate and feel grateful for all its blessings. First of all, it gets me through my life just fine: I walk, skip and dance. I give and receive hugs. I make love. I’ve made and nourished babies. I am strong, flexible and healthy!

When I see teenaged girls and young twenty-somethings with bodies similar to the one I had, I just laugh to myself and think “I used to have that cute little body and I didn’t even appreciate it!” When I see teenaged girls and young twenty-somethings with bodies larger than the one I had wearing cute outfits and strutting their stuff confidently, I am filled with a longing to have had that kind of confidence when I was their age.

I didn’t treat myself very well as a young woman and I now ask her for forgiveness: “Forgive me, dear girl, for not appreciating you. Forgive me for discounting your beauty and your worth. Forgive me for trying to hide you and all your love and light from the world.”

But how did I get from self-loather to self-lover? It’s something I’ve been actively working on since my late twenties when someone suggested I look into my own eyes in a mirror and tell myself “I love you.” Have you ever tried that? I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with myself! But I did it anyway, even though I felt like a liar as I uttered the words.

After I had children, I was struck by the way they and my husband loved to touch my belly; they told me it felt good! So I tried it. I closed my eyes and pretended I had no judgements about my belly. I touched, caressed and kneaded. I felt the texture of the skin, the softness of the fat and the firmness of the muscle. I felt the smooth parts and the bumpy parts; the taught parts and the parts that fold over. I was surprised that I was actually enjoying this very sensual experience! From that moment on I vowed not only to look at myself in the mirror lovingly and appreciatively, but to touch myself lovingly and appreciatively as well, and I can honestly say that I now mean it when I tell myself “I love you!”

In case you’re wondering, YES I still treat myself unkindly at times! If my clothes don’t look or feel right for whatever reason, I can easily spiral into a desperate place. If I’m going somewhere where I think there might be people who may judge me harshly, I feel anxiously insecure. Luckily, I’m very creative with clothes and I’ll try on item after item until I come up with a combination in which I feel at least presentable. And I feel grateful to my husband for being so patient while I fling clothes all over the room as I make us late for a party.

I’ve learned to be very kind and patient and compassionate with the self-loather in me. After all, she’s just a girl who got hurt by some pretty insensitive and sometimes cruel remarks when she was at the tender and confusing age of adolescence. She’s still trying to protect me by hiding me. It’s up to me, the woman I’ve become, to hold her lovingly and calm her fears: “It’s OK sweety – you’re beautiful to me!”

121410-angela-1

Looking at My Future With Fear (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

My age: 31
Number of pregnancies: 2
Age of my child: 18 months
31 weeks with second pregnancy

I had made it to the ripe age of 28 without giving the though of having children the time of day. Then my husband broached the subject after his younger brother celebrated the arrival of his second child. I won’t lie, I was cautious about the idea, my body being my main concern. After years of dealing with depression and various eating disorders I was finally at a place where things seemed okay. I had found a sport I loved, long distance trail running, and I had maintained a healthy weight for three years, something I had never dreamed of. Of course I had the idea that I, unlike many women, would be able to control every aspect of my pregnancy and come out of everything much the same as I went in. This proved to be my greatest folly. I had a bit of a struggle getting pregnant, which became my ultimate goal for months, if not my obsession. Being a perfectionist I constantly fight with having control over everything, and doing everything to the ninth degree.

When my doctor started making plans for my husband and I to see a fertility specialist I found out I was pregnant. My joy was short lived when I was placed on bed rest 5 days later with spotting and cramps. I was told that my body was threatening to miscarry and the best I could do was to keep my feet up and wait. Wait, me? The first thought in my head was, when can I get back to the gym. Of course I was horribly concerned about the baby, but old habits die hard and my weight was also at the forefront of my concerns. I made it to nine weeks and was sent back to work after a second ultrasound confirmed that all was well. Then at 18 weeks I was pulled off work again and put on modified bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Talk about losing control. My emotions were up and down due to the pregnancy, my own depression and the fear I had for my child. I managed to eat pretty healthy for the majority of the pregnancy and gained 40 lbs which I was not overly happy with, but I carried quite well. In the end my son arrived 2 days past my due date, apparently he came to the conclusion that it was rather comfy in Mommy’s tummy. I had a difficult labour which lasted 30 hours and ended in an emergency c section due to my son’s position. I was not upset about not having a natural labor ( at the time ) and was happy to have three days in the hospital with the nurses to show me the ropes. I healed really well and enjoyed nursing my son for 13 months. During my 12 months post partum I was not surprised to find out that I had PPD, but what I was surprised about was how difficult it is to be a Mother. My husband is a sub contractor and thus he has to put in long hours when the work is there, mostly to compensate for the slow season in his trade. Fortunately the recession has not affected him too much, unfortunately this means my husband is rarely home. Time to myself and help with my son has become a luxury. None of my friends have or want children and I have had to limit my interactions with my Mom due to some lines that have been crossed on her part. Daycare has been annexed by our paediatrician because of the number of times my son came home sick and the severity with which the illnesses would affect him. It was during one of his colds 7 months ago that I became sick as well and found out I was pregnant. I must have conceived within days of his first birthday which seemed like a miracle after my attempts to get pregnant the first time. I wound up taking 4 pregnancy tests at home and then seeing my GP for a test before I went in to see my obstetrician. When I found out I was pregnant I had only just grown comfortable with my son’s routine and had found time to workout and take care of myself. I was upset that I still had 10 lbs to lose and a lot of toning to do but I thought I would be able to maintain what ground I had gained. Then the morning sickness hit, I had never dealt with this in my first pregnancy and most definitely not to the degree where I had to be placed on medication. I was one of those women who found that eating helped calm the sickness, and that’s when the scary weight gain started. At this time I also seemed to become ill every time my son came home with something, which was approximately every two weeks. I am now 8 months pregnant and have gained 40 lbs in addition to the 10 extra pounds I started with. I fear seeing my doctor and stepping on the scale, which humiliates and saddens me. I should love going in for my appointments, as I did with my first son, there is nothing like hearing your child’s heart beat. I am overextended, exhausted and have little patience for my 18 month old, who is a bundle of little boy energy. I hate myself and the future I see for myself. I feel as though I can barely manage with one child and dealing with two seems impossible. It has taken forever to get my son to sleep nine hours a day, I don’t know when I am going to rest with two kids under the age of two, let alone when I am going to be able to put some focus back on myself. It seems as though I have a target on my back when it comes to other people’s opinions. I hate being judged within a glance or based on someone else’s preconceived notions. My doctors blasé comments about my weight gain and the lack of support I am receiving from my family and friends seems to be making matters worse. If people knew about the dramatic changes that have happened within my family life the last two years I don’t think they would be so quick to believe that they could do better. I am truly at the end of my rope. Sometimes I hate being a Mom and resent my family. I worry about failing as a parent, most especially in the ways that my parents failed me. I feel so detached from the baby I am carry now, because everything I have is being spent on my son.

Who am I? What have I become?

first picture: 7 months before my first pregnancy
second picture: 4 days after I found out I was pregnant, 5 weeks pregnant, I had to put on weight to help get pregnant
I have no post partum picture as I refused to be photographed
last 4 pictures: me as of today 31 weeks pregnant with second child

Updated here.

Happy on the Outside (DeAnna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I am the mother of 2 gorgeous children. I am 22 years old. I had my daughter at age 19. I always had a very cute figure so the sudden change my body took after having my daughter left me in a horrible postpartum depression. I had horrible stretch marks covering my stomach. I started working out & eventually got the baby weight off in about a year, but the stretch marks kept me down. I ended up having the laser removal which didnt remove the marks but certainly made them less noticeable. I was finally back to a good confident attitude & was back in my bikini and loving myself again! Then 2 years later I got married to a wonderful man & we had our son Sept 27, 2010. I gained about 15 more pounds with him than I did my daughter which has now resulted in more stretch marks and baggy, saggy skin. I ended up with a emergency c section and now am left with this dreaded post c section pooch. I was so happy to find this website to see Im not alone. I know Im only about 5 weeks postpartum, but Im still pretty hard on myself. I plan to work out and get the weight off, but Im just having a really hard time with my self confidence. Right before I gave birth to my son I caught my husband talking to his ex wife behind my back which really hurt me. Now, with that in the back of my head, my confidence level is at a all time low and Im so paranoid since I feel like I look digusting he will think the same and cheat on me. We are trying to work through our issues and although things are better I still beat myself up on the inside. I refuse to let him see me naked. He dosent understand why I run and hide in the bathroom to change clothes and I always lock the door even to shower. I just cant bare to let him see me like this. I seem to be a very happy person on the outside, but I am so depressed when it comes down to it. I love my children and I wouldnt give them up for the most perfect body in the world, but I have to figure out how to accept my body. Like I mentioned before with time, working out, & this website I know I can get there eventually & its good to know Im not alone.

age: 22
births: 2…1 vaginal 1 c section
childrens age: 2 & 1 month

11 Months Postpartum/ Mother of Two (Irie Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 16 Comments

I got pregnant when I was sixteen and had my first child at the age of 17. I was so unprepared for what pregnancy was going to do to my body! I ended up gaining 50 pounds in a short period of time and I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE! On my stomach, Big ones on my hips, the sides of my thighs and all over my breasts and butt! Ah the things we sacrifice for our children. I don’t really even mind the stretch marks I have! I am a little proud of them but I wish I didn’t have so many! The thing that I am really dissappointed with is my breasts. They used to be so beautiful and my areolas were small and they weren’t as saggy. I breastfed both of my children. I got pregnant again at 19 and had my son at 20. I breastfed him for a much longer time then my daughter and it did a toll on my breasts. I know one day I’ll probably choose to get a tummy tuck or maybe even a breast lift because I feel that I will never be happy until I look better. But for now, my husband loves me the way I am!

Prepregnancy weight: 128
First pregnancy weight-178
Post pregnancy weight-127
Second pregnancy weight-160
Post pregnancy weight-138

My daughter is 3 and a half and my son is 1.