Postpartum

Update (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

For Cairo Sofia

Age: 23
# of Pregnancies: 3
# of Births: 2
How Far Postpartum: 15 Months Today, September 23, 2010
Previous entries:
2 Babies Later
Update
Second Update
Love Yourself, Mama
Thank you, Babies

Today I am officially 15 months postpartum. I cannot believe it has been over a year since my beautiful daughter graced our lives. She’s beautiful, spunky, and full of character.

This post is for her, Cairo Sofia. I want to thank my baby girl, and God, for what they have taught me. The day I found out I was having a baby girl, I cried. I cried because I was scared and didn’t realize it until that
one moment in time. I always wanted a girl, ever since I was a little girl. But now I was scared. I was afraid that I would pass on my body image issues to her. I was afraid that she would hate body just as I did. I thought it would be genetic, seeing as though my mother had the same issues as I had. I just figured she would wind up with those problems too.

That day was the first day of change for me. I had to change this cycle of self loathing. I couldn’t imagine
listening to my daughter list off the things she wished to change about herself. I couldn’t imagine seeing her look in the mirror and pinch that extra inch of “fat” and wish it gone. I didn’t want to think of her sucking in her already flat stomach, thinking “If only…”. Those thoughts terrorized my heart. It had to change.

I hated my body. I thought my pregnancy with my son had destroyed my body, not made it better. I had
gotten stretch marks, saggy skin; saggy boobs… how was this beautiful? These thoughts had to stop. It
didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen in a week, or a month. It was a long process, one that still hasn’t been completed, nor am I sure it will ever truly go away. But I can control it; I can control my mind and my thoughts.

I look at my daughter and see such a beautiful little lady. Bright blue eyes, perfect skin, and truly amazing
heart and soul. When she gets stretch marks that won’t change. If she gets the “apron”, her beauty will not be altered, but enhanced. If she gains those few extra pounds, she will be just as beautiful as ever. So
if this is true about her, why would it not be true for me?

I am beautiful. My stretch marks enhance my beauty, they tell a story of strength and courage. They tell a story of life and birth. This… this is beautiful.

So I want to thank my beautiful princess, Cairo Sofia, for teaching me something that no one else could teach me. Thank you for showing me the truth behind my stretch marks. Thank you for gracing our lives and enhancing all that matters in this world. And remember, one day if you read this, that you are beautiful. No matter what anyone says, you are a beautiful girl, from the inside out!

I included 3 pictures of myself today, 15 months pp.
The 4th picture is my beautiful Cairo Sofia.

Updated here.

I Love My Son, But I HATE My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 10 Comments

Age: 20
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
8 months postpartum

I was so glad i found this site, and see that there are many other women like me out there. Well to start off i’ll start my story in the few months pre-pregnancy… i was 18 turning 19 in a few weeks, my boyfriend (husband now) had just proposed, just started a new job, everything was going great in my life… i had noticed i had started gaining a few pounds but nothing serious, my weight had always flucuated throughout high school since i was a cheerleader and had done gymnastics for 6 years, when it wasnt cheering season i would gain a little weight and loose it at the start of football season… but i had never been bigger than a size 3/4. but this summer i had to buy a size bigger, but i just summed it up to being out of highschool, being lazy and not working out. i had also just started a new birthcontrol so i thought maybe that had caused me to gain a little. i also had missed one period, again i summed that up to the new birth control. after the second missed period i decided to take a pregnancy test. it came out positive. i was completely shocked cuz i hadnt had any common pregnancy symptoms. after i went to the doc, i soon learned i had went through my entire 1st trimester not even knowing i was preg. the entire time i was pregnant i never had morning sickness or anything… i had a really easy pregnancy, other than i had used palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks to try to help prevent them, come to find out the lotion had lanolin in it and i didnt know it at the time but i was allergic to lanolin, the lotion cuased me to break out everywhere i had used it and it itched like CRAZY, i tried to resist the urge to scratch but i couldnt i scratched all day and all night. i didnt have ANY stretch marks until i used this lotion and started scratching then they just started popping up everywehre.

pre-pregnancy i had weighed 130ish and wore a size 3/4 in pants, when i delivered my son i weighed 161, so during my pregnancy i gained a total of 30lbs. which didnt seem like it was that bad, i new friends of mine that had gained 80 and looked amazing! so i figured after time i wouldnt look so bad. my husband and i got married when i was 4 months postpartum, we took our honeymoon in gulf shores, al. we had a great time, but everytime we went to the beach i felt SUPER self concious of my belly fat and stretch marks. everywhere i looked there were girls my age looking thin and sexy and it made me feel even worse. but my husband keeps telling me he loves me and loves how i look, i just cant believe him cause when i look in the mirror i dont see sexy. i see every imperfection on my body. every little stretch mark, every area that there is cellulite and every place my body bulges over clothes. even now at 8 months postpartum i still weigh 140, which is only 10lbs more than my prepregnancy weight, but i now wear a size 11/12… prepregnancy i wore a size 34c bra i now wear a 36DD! i hardly ever dress up now because it only makes me feel worse that nothing fits like its supposed to or it jsut shows all my imperfections…

i have stretch marks on my stomach, my sides, and in between my thighs from the top to down to my knees, some have faded considerably but i still cant feel comfortable wearing shorts because of them. and in this weather in ky its been 90+ pretty much all summer and HUMID and i wear pants or sweats everyday. i have a friend who is my age, who delivered her son 4 days before me, maybe only ONE stretch mark, and is back down to her pre-pregnancy weight, wearing her cute little clothes and looking sexy. it makes me feel like crap when i hang out with her seeing how amazing she looks and how unattractive i look.

i love my son more than anything and i wouldnt change a thing <3 i just hate what having him brought upon my body. i want my old body back, i want to feel sexy again. i hate seeing the bulge of my tummy hanging over my pants, i hate not getting to wear what i want. here are a few pics. first pic- me and my husband on our honeymoon 4mo pp 2nd pic- my son <3 3rd pic- my tattoo on my side, disfigured from stretch marks. 4th pic-8 months pp 5th pic- 8 months pp side view 6th pic- 8 months pp inside of my thigh [gallery]

I Feel Deformed (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, VBAC 16 Comments

Age- 29
Number of Pregnancies – 3
Number of Births- 2
Daughter 3 years, son 1 year

I can’t quite remember what I thought my post pregnancy body would look like…. but I can remember not thinking it would look like this.

I gave birth to my daughter On September 1st 2007 by emergency c-section. She was breech and the waited until I was fully dilated to tell me. I had imagined the perfect drug-free birth and that was taken from me. I had to come to terms with that and I needed some major healing. I also suffered from a severe case of post partum depression. I can clearly remember, as my belly started to shrink (which happened very quickly), asking people if what I had was normal. Too many people said they had never seen a belly like mine, no one could answer as to whether or not it would go away. Well, it never did. I was left with a pooch of skin hanging over my pants and extra skin everywhere. It only got worse after I had my son July 29th 2009. He was a successful VBAC and for that I was happy but the saggy skin was still left behind, another scar on my “mother’s body”. Both pregnancies I was fairly heavy (around 170lbs) and post pregnancy I am down to 155lbs. I recently consulted a plastic surgeon to see if I could have surgery done to correct it and I was rejected because it wasn’t sever enough. I am 29, and now single, the mother of 2 young children and I feel deformed, unattractive. How can anyone love me if I can’t love myself? This site has helped me a lot to realize I am not alone with this problem and I hope that this entry can help someone else.

It’s Hard Not to Notice the Changes (Mary, Mother of Samson)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

age: 22
Pregnancies:1 Births :1
My Son Samson is 7 months old
Delivered C-Section

First of all I love being a mother and would not change it for the world! My son is a blessing and I take these scars with pride…most days.

Samson was 9lbs 5 oz when delivered, and I am 5 2′. My stomach was stretched to capacity come time to deliver.

Prior to pregnancy I was 130 lbs. Tiny thing ..I loved trying clothes on and fitting anything I wanted. It is harder now with all the extra skin around my core. I gained 35 lbs with pregnancy. I get unmotivated at times to exercise. I am currently 156 lbs. I miss my old body…it will take work to get it back. I know the stretch marks will take years.

Update (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 22 Comments

Previous entries here, here and here.

When my first son died, shortly after birth, I found too late that the only prints I’d been given from the hospital staff were barely worth calling prints… they didn’t even try to unfold his fingers before taking them, and even inked his knuckles rather than take the extra effort to create something memorable. I had been hoping for something clear and beautiful, but when they handed me the papers, I was devastated.
He left no marks on my body other than an ugly and unnecessary cesarean scar: I had no stretch marks or permanent weight gain, I was longing for something physical to remember him by. I wanted a tattoo of his hand in the place where it had been pressing throughout my pregnancy… but due to the condition of the prints, I didn’t know if this would ever happen.

It’s taken me years of canvasing tattoo artists to find one that was capable of not only reconstructing a good print, but also skilled enough to capture the finer details of it.

With the help of my best friend, who took prints from her newborn daughter to give a template to work from, I took the papers to a new artist in town with an amazing skill in details and shadows. She gave me a perfect copy of the size and shape of his palm… not only that, but she painstakingly worked his palm lines (the only part of his prints that was truly preserved) into the tattoo.

So here’s my fourth submission: about 1.5 months pregnant with baby number four, carrying the extra 20lbs from my last two pregnancies, covered in faded stretch marks, an ugly cesarean scar from an unnecessary surgery I still haven’t recovered from, and finally graced with a mark from my first son’s life.

Unhappy With Body!! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions 14 Comments

23 years old
1st pregnancy miscarried at 10 weeks. currently 32 weeks with 2nd pregnancy

First off I found this site somehow when I was researching information on stretchmarks and I am soooo glad that I did. But anyway I don’t want to sound like I am complaining because I am so happy and blessed that I am expecting and everything is going great and I have a healthy baby growing inside me, nothing matters more than that to me but I am starting to get depressed with my body changes and I am almost disgusted with my body that I don’t even like to look at it anymore let alone allow my husband. Every time i get a shower now i shut and lock the door because I don’t want him just walking in and seeing me completly naked in the light, im just sick of hiding the way i really look under my clothing for my own husband, he knows how I feel and he says it doesn’t matter that he loves me no matter what and i will always look good to him but I don’t see that so it’s hard for me to believe. I wander is he just saying that to make me feel better and don’t want to hear me complaining all the time? that’s how I feel anyhow. I am just so young only 23 years old and I have always been very slim weighing around 110-115 at 5’2”. Never had any issues with my weight in my life. And now I am 32 weeks pregnant weighing at 142 with stretch marks growing by the day. I think it’s more the stretch marks that bother me then the weight I have gained. I can work and try to lose that after he is born but the stretch marks will be there forever. They started early on my breasts at around 3 months then started on my hips, thighs and butt around 6 months. and now they are on my inner thighs and still growing, i can’t even wear shorts anymore in public. My butt is covered as well! The only place that I don’t have them is my belly, but i still have 8 weeks left =(

also cellulite everywhere! it’s just something I am always thinking about and how I am never going to look or feel the way I used to. It doesn’t help when you see people that you don’t see everyday and they are like omg you got huge! I just want to break down and cry when someone says that to me, and to be honest I have. I like this site because I know I am not the only one that feels this way and I see other young women on here and to me everyone I know that have a baby and are my age are in a bikini a few months later and look amazing. That makes me sick because I am so jealous because that wont be me. thanks for listening

pics 1.) inner thigh marks 2. & 3.) 32 weeks (now) 4.) at 6 months 5. & 6.) pre pregnancy

It’s Not the Same Body, But it’s Fine By Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 22 Comments

Pre-pregnancy weight: 107
Labor weight: 160
Post-pregnancy weight: 104

I am posting because this site helped me so much. I came here mourning the body I used to have and wondering if I’d ever get it back.

The answer is: it’s not the same body, but in some ways it’s better.

I first came here in despair. I’d gained nearly 60 lbs. through pregnancy; over half my body weight. I was terrified. I’d never been overweight. My body was alien to me and I was scared of losing my husband because I did not remotely resemble myself. Though he would never leave me, my husband is the kind of man to whom physical appearance is very important. When I asked him, six weeks post-partum, when we were going to have sex again, he said: “When you lose the pregnancy weight.” Yes, I gave him hell, and yes he regrets saying it. But that really devastated me.

When nursing didn’t work, it dawned on me I had at least 45 lbs to lose without breastfeeding. I was so ashamed of my body. I hated it. I destroyed every photo of pregnancy and new-motherhood, except the one you see below. I wish I had them now, because I am secure enough to view it. I am not that woman.

Over the course of a year, I lost it all, plus some. I ran an hour every night, five days a week. It helps that I love to run! I did hand weights, yoga, pilates. Ate the food pyramid (www.mypyramid.gov). Today, I weigh my high-school weight. It really took the full year. For those post-partum like me, who are wondering how much can be changed, I cannot get my body back exactly as it was. I think the reason is loose skin from excessive weight gain. I will always have a pooch above the scar and I will always have some crepe paper skin when I bend. I will also, from time to time, always have the niggling voice that erodes my self confidence because my body is not that of a virgin! The smooth, flat tummy is gone. I can say with confidence that I have tried everything. Only a tummy tuck would change this, and I don’t want one. My body, to me (when I am rational!), is just fine. I can rock any outfit I want, including a bikini, and the stretch marks have completely faded. I am stronger than ever, our sex life is better than before, and we have an amazing boy. If I could say anything to new moms whose posts I read here, every day, I would say: Try. Even if you fail, you may really like what you end up with. I absolutely love my body and don’t regret a thing. Thank you to the moms who helped comfort and inspire me!

Age: 34
No. of pregnancies and births: 1/1
Age of children: 17 months

Photos: 3rd Trimester; Weight Loss 14 months PP; Pooch, Scar and Crepe Paper

Update: 7 Weeks Postpartum, 7 Pounds to Go (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

Well I am now 7 months postpartum and have managed to get ride of the last 7 pounds. I am now realizing that I am lucky to have lost all of my pregnancy weight so quickly and to have gotten most of my old body back. Breastfeeding has certainly taken a toll on my breasts but I am totally fine with it. I also realize that I had put a lot of pressure on myself when I wrote my first post. My body looked great even at 7 weeks pp and I should have given myself a break.
I am now definitely giving myself a break. Baby and I are staying active but I am not back at the gym or running, we are salsa dancing, swimming and walking.
I am loving being a mommy and I now realize that all the sacrifices we women do to become mommies are all worth it.
I love my body more than ever because it has served a purpose and it created a miracle. It now tells the story of my son’s birth and all the love that I have for him.

In Better Shape – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous entry here.

Age :31
1 pregnancy/1birth
a Baby girl,, 4 mo pp

I posted on here for the first time a month ago,, grateful for this site,, but a mite obsessed with getting back into shape as quickly as possible. And even though im still not where i want to be physically,, the condition of my heart, mind and soul are much improved,, causing me to almost change shape in my own eyes. For the first time in my life , i feel ‘womanly’ ,, ive had a moment or two in the past where i felt ok about my figure,, even a tad appreciative.. but not as strongly as i do now. My body brought forth an adorable, healthy, smart baby girl who gives all those around her joy! It went through an unplanned C section, and healed quickly with no complications! and even though i wasnt able to continue breastfeeding past the first two weeks,, It still provided my daughter with those first vitamins she coudnt get from any store! I still plan on eating healthy and getting exercise (and yes,, not too happy with the added cellulite lol) but im not going to lose precious sleep and time with my daughter trying to get six pack abs or a rock hard body,, i actually think my husband enjoys me new softness. He s like a little juiciness anyways lol :) So to all of you struggling with body image, self esteem and PPD, know it can be overcome through surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people,, prayer and meditation and little bit of kicking yourself in the rear to get in gear and appreciating your body for the miracle it produces!! Be Blessed all!

Pics: Pre- pregnancy,, 36 weeks and laying out…bath time!,, reading with mom… now, four months pp

Upset With My Body at 21 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 15 Comments

Hello everyone!! Im so glad I found this site where I can post pictures of my body and no one will be negative about it. After 9 long months I reached 38 weeks and nothing…No contractions, Cervix was closed, So on my 40th week appoiment My doctor gave me and iduction date. However a few days before my induction date I had a appoiment to check on the babys heartbeat. Her heartbeat started slowing down everyfew mins…I went so down that nurse quickly sent me to Labor and delivery. There, I started calling family and telling them. Doctors did a few different things with me to speed up the process. However my cervix didnt go past 3centimeters. They decided to wait a bit longer….They gave me the epidural and told me to try to sleep for a while. I fell asleep for like 5mins and all of a sudden like 5 or 6 doctors rushed into my room saying the babys heartbeat dropped really low and they moved me into different positions to get the baby to move. I was taken out the room by bed and was told I needed an Emergency C-section…As I was being brought into the Csection room I stated feeling cold, So cold that I started shaking a lot. I felt dizzy and felt like my body was just leaving…I started throwing up….About 30 minuted later my baby was out my stomach. I however didnt felt any better to hold her. I was shaking a lot and they cover me with blankets but that didnt worked…As soon as I saw my daughter I felt like I didnt want her, like I didnt loved her…I was taken into recovery room and I felt like crying, I really didnt feel like a mom because I believed my body failed since I wasnt able to give birth.. Even after being sent home I still felt like I wanted my baby.. I cried all the times because I didnt feel an attachment towards her…I wanted my baby delivered vaginally and wasnt able…Now Im 3 weeks PP and I feel so close to my babygirl….I love her dearly..Now my problem is my body..I hate it…I feel like my boobs have sagged a bit.. I think one is bigger thanthe other…I hate my strechmarks….and most of all I hate how my stomach hangs over my csection….I just hope im able to exercise all this away…..Thanks everyone…..

21..Age..
First pregnancy..
3 weeks PP