Four or More Pregnancies

Shoot for the Moon (Analisa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 16 Comments

Before I start I just want to say that in all the years I’ve read through “your” stories and seen “your” photos I’ve yet to see an ugly body. I believe our perception of our own body image is the only true “ugly” thing I’ve seen…including my own.

My name is Analisa. I am 29 years old. I’ve been married for almost 14 years, had 6 kids and since June, 2011, divorced.

I really don’t remember how it felt to have a nice teenage body. I had my first son at 15 years old. I gained about 50 lbs with him.
When he was four months old I became pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy had taken a toll on my body, till my then 17 year old husband asked me,” Didn’t your boobs used to look like this?” while he held up one side of my chest. One day he took my son’s etch-a-sketch and drew a picture of a woman with boobs that like those ladies in Africa on National Geographic. He showed it to me while laughing his head off saying it was me. I can’t tell you how bad that hurt my feelings. That started my total disgust and loathing of my body.

As days past I became extremely self-conscious and would no longer allow him to see me without my bra on. To this day the only time I take off my bra is to shower. I don’t want to see them any longer than I have too.

I realize my body went through a lot to bring my beautiful children into this world, but, it doesn’t make sense to me to now not take care of the damage. You get cavities you go to the dentist and get them filled. I believe this is the same kind of thing. I can no longer accept the body I have. I want to do something about it.

I’m a bit on the skinny side but at the same time I’m not fit. I’m what some people would call “skinny fat”. I look okay in my clothes, but outside of them is a whole other story. I would actually like to gain some weight by toning up..I have no butt. :( I’m not sure if exercise will do anything for the loose skin on my stomach but I’m willing to try. I am going to try building up my chest muscles before I decide whether or not to get implants. I don’t care if they are small as long as they just look normal.

I decided that 2012 is going to be my year to turn this around. I started a blog type website called “The Jillian Challenge”(Jillian as in “Jillian Michaels” ) to keep track of my progress and also maybe inspire other moms out there that are feeling the same way to get in shape.

This is an excerpt off my site’s home page:

When I look in the mirror I see a misshapen old woman, thinking, “this can’t possibly be my body!”. I’m tired of feeling disgusting..I want to get in shape to the best of my ability. I know we’ve all heard that quote…
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” ~Brian Littrell

That’s why I chose Jillian Michaels to be the body image I aspire to. You can’t possibly aim higher than that. If I could get anywhere close to how her body looks it would be amazing. I am starting a 6 month challenge to get my body to look as close to her’s as possible. I will be following her diet advice, doing her workout DVDs and using her equipment.

In the first belly pic you can see I have a small hernia above my belly button caused by pregnancy. It will have to be surgically fixed.

Well, we will see what happens.. :) Good luck to all you Mom’s in this new year!

5 Years Later (Dolly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Update 2 Comments

It has been 5 years since the worst day of my life. I lost my daughter . My children at home ( then 3 and 4) were never the same. Since that day I had 2 miscarriages. When I found out I was pregnant again my youngest , Jacob (then 7) would ask every day, “mom do you think this baby will come home with us?” I had to believe, I had to trust and I had to allow him to heal. My oldest, Sarah, was not as worried, (then 8) or so it seemed. She never asked, it was not until the baby was born that she seemed to release the fears. She cried and hugged her new sister and told me how she was so afraid to think that this baby may not breath. I never told them I felt that way too. I never told them that I would do kick counts several times a day, that I would cry and talk to her in my womb. I never told them that I had bad dreams.

My greatest fear besides death was that I would call my new daughter Chelsea (her sister in Heaven). I did and often .

With prayer and as Savanna ( born 6-4-11) became part of my daily life, I stopped calling her Chelsea.

Today I am happy to say that Savanna is dearly loved for herself, that my children no longer fear loosing her and that we all cherish her.

Thank you Chelsea, your death made me see so much more clearly how sweet every breath is, how wonderful every smile and how precious every moment is with ALL my children. You served a great calling for such a little person.

We all love you and Savanna will hear about you when she is older.

I love you my sweet baby.

You can read more of my story with my original post and update. And here is her web page.

Thank you for letting me share my story… again

I am currently 40 , I have 3 children 9, 8, and 6 months
I have had 1 stilbirth and 2 miscarriages.

Really trying to be positive about my body. (Mia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

Im 5ft 7 and have always been a very slim girls to the point where other girls were unkind at school with regards to my weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was under 8 stone.

I fell in love at 17 and we moved in together, got engaged at 18 at was married at 19. Shortly to follow was my first pregnancy. We planned for it and fell lucky after 3 months of ‘trying’. At my 20 week scan we discovered i was having a boy and we were so thrilled and happy. We chose his name then and and i had a normal healthy pregnancy. A week and a half past my due date i went into a very slow labour which took about four days off and on!! looking back i suppose thats pretty normal as my body had never done this before but at the time and being so young i was a little over whelmed. After 2 long hours of pushing i gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy at a bouncy 9lbs!!

He was perfect and i breast fed with alot of support from my husband and my mum. My tummy after giving birth was stretched and the belly button area looked strange. Weight wise i got back to pre- pregnancy and after i stopped breastfeeding at 5 months my breasts and nipples looked great, pretty much pre pregnancy, but my stomach really bothered me.

When our son was 6 months old he died of sudden infant death sydrome. It felt like the end of my world, our life and like my heart and soul were irreparably damaged to lose him.

3 weeks after his funeral i found out that i was pregnant. We had conceived days before he had died. We felt this to be a gift from our son to keep us going, and it did.

The following year our daughter was born; a normal pregnancy and birth . . . but a whopping 10 lbs 6. We were so happy to have her but were terrified of losing her, to the point where i almost felt like i was living with the responsibility of keeping her breathing. Having said that we enjoyed her and shes now 5, the most beautiful spirited little girl. But in those early months still grieving for my son and having my daughter i think somewhere a long the line i became a little obsessed with my tummy. It had obviously changed not just from pre – babies but since after having my daughter. Since she was so large and my frame is small the skin on my tummy stretched irreparably leaving me with something i felt that i could not live with. So i threw myself into exercise and rubbing creams in 3-4 times a day. After a few months of this my husband became concerned about me and suggested i talk to the eticGP about my tummy. I did an the GP was unhelpful at best; at worst incredibly un-sympathetc to my situation. So i went to see a plastic surgeon and ended up having a partial tummy tuck. My muscle werent touched but the excess skin was taken away. This left me with a big abdominal scar and false belly button but i felt happy with the results. It says something for my state of mind, because i didnt think beyound that day and getting that skin off my tummy. Did i sit and think ‘am i going to have more children?…No.

A year later and we were broody. When our daughter was 2 and half I gave birth to another little boy. He weighed in at 8 lbs 10. He was another beautiful incredible gift. I breastfed again, this time for 13 months and the month i stopped feeding . . . . i conceived our latest and final addition (my husband has had that special appointment earlier this year at the doctors…)

My tummy did not have the loose skin but my scar was very prominant after having been stretched and my breasts were a huge disapointment. After stopping feeding there were a few months between the feeding hormones going and pregnancy hormones filling them back up. They were not pretty.

We were excited, but nervous how we would cope with 3 so close in age. I was also scared. How would my body be after having four babies? How would my breasts look after another breastfeeding stint?
9 months later and we had a another little boy, or not so little at 9lbs 10!! Again perfect and he has completed our family. I stopped feeding when he was 6 months old. He is one next week. i am 27.

How is my body? Well i have been running and exercising for the past 6 months. Rubbing cream into my tummy, scar and breasts like a derranged woman and eating very healthy foods, in hope against hope that i can maybe feel, dare i say it sexy again. But the truth is that even after all i have been through losing my son, and being sent 3 amazing children i am not happy with my body anymore. I am trying to come to terms with it, and all of its changes but the ways in which its changed I have really struggled with. I find it hard to be intimate with my husband and i have really bad days where i feel so ugly.

Here is my moaning list;

I am covered in silver stretch marks, skin hangs funny on my tummy when i lean forward, my belly button resembles a bum hole! My nipples are 5 times the size they used to be and are showing no signs of getting smaller 6 months after weaning and my breast are stretched mark covered deflated saggy sacks. My weight is just over 8 stone.

I have looked on this site for years and finally thought i will make a post. I am slowly learning to love my new body, because at the end of the day it doesnt really matter as long as i am healthy and have the people i love around me, there isnt much more i need x it just sometimes still gets to me :(

How could my beautiful babies leave me looking like this? (Anber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

I am 27 years old, and the proud mother of 4 beautiful boys! I was 15, and weighed 120,130 when I got pregnant for the first time, I was 150 after delivery and couldn’t lose it! Two years later I had my second son, up to 180!! Three years later third son, 205. Got pregnant immediately after and nine months later I weighed 230! Its been four and a half years and I still can’t lose the weight! My legs are still thin but my tummy still looks like I’m about 7 or 8 months pregnant!! Now my hubby is talking about going for a little girl! But I’m terrified about how much bigger I might get! If anyone has a secret I don’t know about please tell me!!!!!

My Body (Stephanie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, VBAC 36 Comments

I have a love hate relationship with my body. I was obese or morbidly obese pretty much all my life, since the time I was 11. At least my mother kept telling me I was fat from that point on. I just lived up to her expectations I guess.

I took surgical measures to finally lose weight and lost 150 pounds and counting. I’ve weighed as much as 325 pounds and as little as 165 pounds. I’m 180 pounds and hoping to get to 150 pounds.

My body has carried 9 children within it, but only 8 survived.

My body has been sliced open to give birth once, and then I took control to give birth 7 more times without surgery. 6 of those births were in the comfort of my own home.

My body has nourished or tried to nourish all of my babies through my now saggy breasts.

My body has been ridiculed and adored. It has been loved and it has been hated. My body provides a safe place for my children to cuddle up on. In the future I hope my body will provide a safe place for other people’s children as a foster parent.

I may not have smooth skin, washboard abs, or perky breasts, but my body has a story because it’s been on a journey and that journey has really only begun.

~Age: I am 36 (1975 birth year)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 9 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, 1 c/s, 1 hospital VBAC, 5 Unassisted Water Births, 1 Unassisted Home Birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:
G-12, G-11, B-9, B-8, B-6, G-5, B-3, G-1

Gaining More Confidence (Apryl)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous entry here.

Pregnancies – 4 or 5
Births – 3
18 months post-partum

Even in my original post, I tried to make myself sound a lot more confident than I really am. But I am gaining a lot more.

As of right now, I am about 90 pounds lighter than I was prior to getting pregnant with my youngest child. I’ve also separated from my husband, and he is putting me through hell with getting our divorce. It’s no easier being a single mom now than it was before. But I’m learning to love myself again. And I decided to get serious about getting healthy. I’m getting there slowly.

These pics were taken 6-16-2011

Updated here.

27 Weeks Pregnant With My Fourth Baby, My First Son (Apryl)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Children with Health Complications, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

With my first pregnancy in 1996 I was 20 years old and have hardly a handful of photos to remind myself of that first beautiful 9 months of my life when I was becoming a mother. With my second and third daughters I took more pictures, I had a digital camera by then and taking belly pictures was somewhat easier, I also had timers so I could rely more on myself than my husband or older child, to get pictures when I wanted them.

Last night I was lying in bed reading with no shirt on due to the warmer weather, feeling my son kick the mattress the way my third daughter always used to, and I reached for my camera in the hopes of getting a picture I would really like. The picture I’m sending turned out well for this particular website, I wouldn’t share a photo that includes my breasts anywhere else.

Speaking of my breasts, I have breastfed my three girls a total of 8 years and 11 months. I hope to nurse my son for 2-3 years, if he is the kind of baby who likes to nurse, my third daughter wasn’t a big nurser.

The baby I’m carrying now, my first son, has a hole in his heart, and possibly Down Syndrome, we are hoping for the healthiest possible outcome at his birth, which would include him staying with us, not needing surgery, and being able to nurse right away. His name is Adam.

I am 35 years old, this is my fourth baby, I had two miscarriages years ago at 5 and 9 weeks. I am 27 weeks pregnant right now. My girls are 14, almost 7, and 4

I Finally Feel Sexy Again (Babs)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Eating Disorder, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update, VBAC 12 Comments

Original entries here, here, here and here.

This was my fourth pregnancy and birth, and both were extremely difficult. I suffered with moderate hyperemesis gravaridum throughout (helpHER.org), lost a significant amount of weight, muscle and nutrients and was on the edge of hospitalization and IV feeds throughout (even with extensive medicating). I also suffer with a spinal disease called ankylosing spondylitis which caused my vertebrae to fuse together from my coccyx up to my mid-back; it also causes very painful nerve damage in my hip joints and legs due to those bundles of nerves being trapped in the fusions.

The way my body changed over the course of this pregnancy felt very different than the other times: I was tired, and in a lot of pain and very sick. Toward the end I was mostly bedridden and had to push myself hard to get in a short walk a few times a week. I felt like I was falling apart, and was beginning to really hate my body: it was big and awkward, desperately sick and so, so painful. Through the last months of pregnancy I had to walk with a cane, which left me feeling very self-conscious and extremely unattractive. I felt like this pregnancy had stripped me of my femininity and sex appeal… and for the first time in my life, even with a disability diagnosis for years, I really felt disabled. On top of that, I’d had a relapse of an eating disorder shortly before becoming pregnant and was struggling hard with maintaining positive body image even before all that crap. As a result of that, I requested to not be weighed throughout my pregnancy, nor have weight used as a judgment of my health since it was such a fresh trigger. (Numbers alone are not a good, accurate diagnostic tool: your health is a big picture, and can’t be judged by a flawed BMI calculator or tiny range of “healthy pounds”. Big or small, your overall health is what is important to take care of and there is so much more to it than standing on a scale! Even with the diagnosis of hyperemesis, being weighed on a regular basis was not necessary to monitor my health and nutrition. You may have to argue with your care provider a little, but if scales and numbers are a trigger for you during pregnancy, you CAN avoid them so you can stay strong and supported).

Just three days ago now, 9 days past my due date, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My hard and fast (two hour!) labour was very difficult with the spinal fusions, and very painful, but I made it through with the wonderful support of my midwife, doula and my husband. With their love and care I was able to achieve a second home VBAC, even with my disabilities. I have to say, waterbirth helps a TON for moms with chronic pain, or spinal disabilities!! I don’t now if I’d have been able to do it without the pool.

The night after giving birth I was laying in bed with my husband watching TV shows on my laptop with our new baby sleeping between us. I was laying there, mostly naked, and looked down over my new postpartum body all squishy and deflated and realized that… I felt really good. More than that, I felt sexy! This pregnancy that was so hard on my body and made me feel stripped bare, this birth that was so hard to get through and had me screaming at the top of my lungs, they’ve both been such huge challenges but by making it out the other side I feel strong and capable and SEXY! When I went out in public earlier I didn’t feel like sucking in my stomach and hiding my middle in loose-fitting clothes. I even went out wearing a form-fitting top, proudly showing off my squishy new postpartum body so I can proclaim to everyone, “THIS is beautiful!”. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to look at my body in such a truly positive way. Even with a disability, with a history of struggling with an eating disorder, with severe illness and a very hard year that left me with a very changed body… I can be sensual and feminine and amazing. Four babies have passed through this body and left their footprints on it with stretch marks, cesarean scars, milky breasts, love handles, cellulite and weight gain… but today, just three days postpartum after my fourth birth, I feel sexier than I ever have.

I’ve posted to this site before, several times, but I never thought I’d ever have the guts to submit any images of myself fully nude. Even while I took these images through pregnancy, hoping that I’d eventually find the courage to submit (anonymously, maybe with my head cut off and my tattoo obscured! PS. that’s why my head is cut off in a bunch of these!) I didn’t really believe I’d be able to, so it brings me a lot of joy to post these (albeit still a little nervous…) and say, “I FEEL GREAT!”. Now I feel like encouraging everyone to do the same thing. Take pictures of your body, and not just any old pictures – put aside some time and experiment with taking some really nice photos. Go get some boudoir photos done if you don’t want to or can’t take your own, but whatever you do don’t neglect capturing some of your beauty… even if you feel crappy about yourself.

Despite I felt like absolute hell and hating my body through most of my pregnancy, I’m really grateful to myself that I pushed through to document my changes. I think it’s in us all to learn how to appreciate how amazing our bodies are in all their power. Just look at the incredible things they can do! Thanks to this site I found the motivation to nurture that, and I’m really glad I stuck to it.

(As a note: I’m a professional photographer, so these were taken by me with professional gear. Even though you can’t see them very well there are stretch marks and scars there, though I don’t have the type of genes that get a lot. Good quality, even lighting makes a big difference in how your skin appears in pictures. For anyone curious to experiment with their own lighting, I included a “behind the scenes” photo to show how everything was set up to take these. I used a Nikon SB800 flash mounted on a stand with a home-made beauty dish made out of a planter and some spare parts for about $12 total (instructions here: https://davidtejada.blogspot.com/2008/04/beauty-dish-for-sb-800.html), and a desk lamp pointed at the corner of the wall behind me to reduce some of the shadows. From there just experiment with the settings until you find something that looks good! I triggered my light with a radio controlled device called a Pocket Wizard, but you can just use a sync cord or one of many other inexpensive options and get the exact same results. You also don’t have to use a big fancy flash either, any will work including the cheap Vivitar 285V which runs about $90. :)

Be Strong and Courageous (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

My first daughter came when I was only 20 years old. I was newly married, working part time, and going to college full time. I gained 57 lbs. And it showed. My ballet body expanded everywhere it could. My legs, my hips, my breasts, and my stomach. I could not understand how people made it through pregnancy with little to no stretch marking. I was covered in huge “rips”. My breasts had never been perky, and whatever anti-gravity they had was destroyed when I went from a 32B to a 34F. But I did I lose all of the weight within a year.

My son was born 2 years later and he passed away (due to a severe medical condition) when he was only 9 weeks old. I miss him every day. My skin stretched further, despite not gaining as much weight. I said they were “his marks”. I lost all by 10lbs, but within 3 months of his death, I was unexpectedly pregnant again.
My second daughter arrived just a month after my son’s first anniversary. I stretched even further with her, even though I didn’t gain as much as the first time around. But like my first pregnancy, I lost it all within a year.

When my second daughter was about 15 months I became pregnant again, but lost the baby before 8 weeks. I was scarred; half of my children had died.

In the midst of moving overseas and the stress of liquidating our household, I became pregnant after just one period cycle. We were shocked and scared. But I had the nausea, the exhaustion, and I thought all was well. I shared with the world that we were expecting again right around 13 weeks.

At 15 weeks I began bleeding and made a trip to the ER. It was there that the doctors discovered my baby had stopped growing 8 weeks previously. I waited almost a week from the first visit before I miscarried. I began bleeding heavily at our church’s Christmas Eve service. We raced home so that I could be at home to miscarry.

I have lost 3 of my 5 children. My husband doesn’t want any more children. I am broken. I don’t feel I am finished. But I am scared out of my mind to try again.

And in the midst of all this – I gained 15lbs in the 15 weeks I carried the baby – and after 6 months have not lost a single pound. I fit into nothing. I hate the way I look.

HOWEVER….. I know that my scars, my sagging skin, my large and sagging breasts, my muffin top, and my misshapen belly button are marks of my children. With and without me, my children left me marked. I am learning to love the body I have and appreciate what it has given me.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 5 pregnancies, 3 births, 2 living children.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Daughter1 – 5, Son – died at 9 weeks, would be 3 1/2, Daughter2 – 2, Miscarriage1 – August 2010, Miscarriage2 – December 2010. 5.5 months post partum.