5 Years Later (Dolly)

It has been 5 years since the worst day of my life. I lost my daughter . My children at home ( then 3 and 4) were never the same. Since that day I had 2 miscarriages. When I found out I was pregnant again my youngest , Jacob (then 7) would ask every day, “mom do you think this baby will come home with us?” I had to believe, I had to trust and I had to allow him to heal. My oldest, Sarah, was not as worried, (then 8) or so it seemed. She never asked, it was not until the baby was born that she seemed to release the fears. She cried and hugged her new sister and told me how she was so afraid to think that this baby may not breath. I never told them I felt that way too. I never told them that I would do kick counts several times a day, that I would cry and talk to her in my womb. I never told them that I had bad dreams.

My greatest fear besides death was that I would call my new daughter Chelsea (her sister in Heaven). I did and often .

With prayer and as Savanna ( born 6-4-11) became part of my daily life, I stopped calling her Chelsea.

Today I am happy to say that Savanna is dearly loved for herself, that my children no longer fear loosing her and that we all cherish her.

Thank you Chelsea, your death made me see so much more clearly how sweet every breath is, how wonderful every smile and how precious every moment is with ALL my children. You served a great calling for such a little person.

We all love you and Savanna will hear about you when she is older.

I love you my sweet baby.

You can read more of my story with my original post and update. And here is her web page.

Thank you for letting me share my story… again

I am currently 40 , I have 3 children 9, 8, and 6 months
I have had 1 stilbirth and 2 miscarriages.

2 thoughts on “5 Years Later (Dolly)

  • Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 8:32 am

    I am so happy for you. Losing a child is something you NEVER forget. They are always a huge part of us. I have fears as well. My 2nd child is now almost 3, and I check his pulse at least 5 times a night. Most parents will just listen for breathing once in while…not me, I actually feel for a pulse on a regular basis. The thought of waking up to a lifeless child again scares me soooo much. I would not change my experience though…my 1st baby boy made me who I am. I am now a nursing student, going into pediatrics!

    Good luck with everything, you sound like an amazing mother :)

  • Wednesday, August 15, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    I have read your story, and visited Chelsea’s website, and the tears won’t stop. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby at 13 weeks. “they” say it doesn’t matter what age, a loss is a loss, but seeing your beautiful daughter makes that just not so. I couldn’t imagine. She looks just like my daughter, who we almost lost at 8 days old. My loss at 13 weeks doesn’t compare to what I almost lost at 8 days, and nothing compared to what you lost. You WILL see her again. Big, BIG hugs.

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