First Pregnancy – Page 3 – The Shape of a Mother

My Body and the Lies (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PUPPP Rash, Submissions, Teen Mom Wednesday, May 6, 2015 9 Comments

number of pregnancies and births: 1 (boy)
age:18
7 months post partum

I gave birth to a handsome and precious baby boy. He was 7 lbs and 9 oz. Right now he is 7 months old and i now know how it feels to have my heart living outside of my body. Im with him 24/7 and even though im exhausted at the end of the day, i adore every moment. The things im ddevastated about are my body and the fact that now im the typical teen mom you know? I’m 18 now but i had him at 17. I was 16 and pregnant and boy, did i suffer from nausea, vomiting, fainting, fatigue, puppp (a rash), etc. I never thought i’d be the one to get pregnant. At 14 i was in an early college taking college classes and doing high school at the same time. I just knew i was gonna be somebody. My whole family seems to have turned out succesful. There are doctors, engineers, journalists, teachers, etc. When i was barely 14 i met the man that i fell in love with and it might sound crazy and insane, but it happens. We were in a long distance for 2 years and now we are going on 4 years of being together! we have gone through hell because the long distance was so hard to deal with and no one understood that. I feel like people who go through long distance dont get enough credit. we’ve been through great and horrible times. He is a great man and I still get butterflies in my stomach when i hear him coming up the steps after a long day of work. Hes a hard worker, a great daddy and a loving future husband. But i still somehow feel like i am not enough sometimes. I was 100lbs before having our first baby with a flat tummy and overall happy. i never had to watch what i ate. Now evrrything has changed. I feel disgusting when I see my stomach and it is sad because that part of my body is what once held my son. I did an amazing thing in this world and im complaining about my body? I just feel so horribly sad when I feel so insecure and i feel like my boyfriend will eventually get bored of my body and want someone else who’s beautiful. When i was smaller i was in a Vogue magazine and sometimes id love to try to get into modeling, but then i remember how my body looks and id probably get laughed at if i went to an audition. Even though i get told all the time that im beautiful and that i look like a doll, i dont feel attractive. I am generally happy with my face and parts of my body, but then all of a sudden BAM! I get these sudden thoughts about how disgusting i feel and sometimes how fat I look. I have good days and bad days. A lot of the time i try to lie to myself that its not that bad although i know that for me, it is. I had my son in august, so since it was extremely hot, i lost weight super fast after having him. right before i had him i weighed 140 lbs! And now i am 120. But since im short i feel like it just looks like too much. Sometimes i still look pregnant and i still wear a gyrtle. When my boyfriend and I get intimate, i feel like he shouldnt look at me and i just want to hide. I want to look as sexy and beautiful as i can for him but i feel like a huge failure. Im 18 and i already Have a belly full of stretch marks and wrinkles? I feel like maybe he just acts like he loves it because he doesnt want to hurt me. The weird part that my head will not understand and sometimes the frustration makes me cry, is that he is always all over me telling me how good i look and how much he wants me, but i feel like anyone who really saw how i look will say it looks gross. My mom, sister, aunt, and mother in law all made a grossed out face when they saw my tummy after the baby. So how can my boyfriend say it looks good to him and how can he want me like he does? Anyone in their right mind would say it looks bad! When we go out somewhere and a beautiful girl walks by, my heart burns and turns into coal because i just know sometimes he might desire a girl like that. He might compare and thats what scares me. I feel so small when i see someone who looks great and they look confident and i just dont. I dont know what to do. I know working out will help, but i know i wont get a flat tummy unless i get surgery or something because my muscles are so far apart. Im actually content with my legs and stuff so if i work out, i might lose weight everywhere else, get more stretch marks, and at the end still have a hanging stomach. What do i do? I dont know, because there are bigger things to worry about but this knaws at me Every. Single. Day.

Favorite Pair of Jeans (Rachel S.)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Polyhydramnios, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins Monday, April 20, 2015Monday, April 20, 2015 6 Comments

Reposted by request, originally posted at The Swanson Life

I miss those favorite pair of jeans.

You know the ones you put on and they feel just right. Comfortable, sexy, and accentuates your figure perfectly. Those sweet little favorites of mine have been hanging in the back of my closet, quietly awaiting the day when I can put them on again. My sad little favorite pair of jeans… still hanging… since 3 years ago.

Add to that my favorite little jackets that fit too snugly in my arms now. The tight fitted shirts that now accentuate too much of my hanging post pregnancy belly—making me look like I’m 4-5 months pregnant again. Oh and my sparkly necklaces and bracelets that I have to avoid for fear of my twin toddlers or 5 month old baby girl yanking them off my neck and wrists, strangling me in the process.

My favorites now are my black maternity leggings or stretchy yoga pants that hide the extra girth I’ve gained down under. I love flowy lose-fitted tops that hide my squishy ill-formed belly and makes it easier to nurse that sweet baby girl of mine. And to hide those sausage arms of mine I’ve resorted to ¾ sleeve cover-ups or tops that drape ever so loosely off the shoulder.

But oh how I love these sweet babies of mine.

And I would never trade these post-pregnancy issues of mine if it meant not having my sweet twin boys and happy baby girl. But man were those pregnancies ROUGH on me—in many ways—but specifically physically. Having a twin pregnancy, and then polyhydramnios with BOTH pregnancies, you can imagine how far my stomach had to stretch. Actually you don’t even have to imagine…check out these pictures!

39 weeks single pregnancy polyhydramnios

35 weeks with twins and polyhydramnios

WOW.

With these pregnancies of mine came lots of permanent changes to my body, which I’m starting to force myself to be OK with. I’m learning I’m not alone in this, that there are many women out there experiencing the same changes to their bodies after pregnancy that just won’t go away with diet and exercise. Some things that are simply not reversible. Even with the ever increasingly popular plastic surgeries that women are getting, it still may not do everything you want it to do.

And so, we need to learn to love ourselves again; our new body, our new scars, new marks and new figure—which may be our new image now. We will never be our 20 year old bodies again. Our bodies are meant to grow, reach its peak, and then meant to start the process of breaking down. I’m not saying to “let go” of yourself and give up working out and eating healthy to get back into shape again. But I think we need to be realistic of ourselves.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones where your pregnancies were easy and your body is the same as it was before you started having babies. And maybe you look even BETTER than you did before you had kids, which is totally awesome!

BUT to those who feel like me and are struggling to gain your sense of self-esteem and beauty again when you look at your naked body in the mirror, or try on your old clothes that don’t fit or look cute on you anymore due to the toil of pregnancies—I’m speaking to you.

You’re not alone.

I’m trying to remember that my beauty is not simply on the outside. There is an inner beauty to each of us that is more important to develop and nurture than what we see on the outside. Something that won’t cripple with age but merely becomes more beautiful over time if we continue to cultivate it.

I want to be that older woman with a sparkle still in her eyes, smile lines around her face from years of laughter, strong wrinkly hands that show the hard work of motherhood—and exude a joy that surpasses any of life’s circumstances. This doesn’t happen by chance, but is a choice I have to make and continue to make daily. To love myself. And not in a narcissistic way. But love the person God has created me to be:

A mommy of twins and a baby girl—all under 2—gaining patience and strength through mothering that I never knew I had.

A woman struggling with depression but learning through Gods word and his teachings how to gain control over it instead of it controlling me.

A wife who serves her husband with thankfulness instead of discontentment with the stresses of life.

A friend who encourages and uplifts others to reach their full potential in life instead of breaking
them down by gossiping to others about their issues.

I want to be the kind of woman that exudes love to others, and in order to do that I need to begin to love myself again. I can do this best by remembering Gods love for me, that he loves me no matter what—the good and the bad. No matter how unlovable I think I am. This applies to all of you as well.

A quote from Mother Teresa, a woman with some of the greatest inner beauty, bestowing so much love to all she came in contact with, setting an amazing example, I believe for all women to follow said this…

“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

I will keep working on my inner beauty since that is more important than what I see on the outside. However, I will still be working towards trying to fit in my favorite pair of jeans again…

Samuel 16:7 “The LORD does not look at the things [woman] looks at. [Woman] looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

The difference between two and one- having a singleton after twins! (Lindsay)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, VBAC Wednesday, March 4, 2015Saturday, February 28, 2015 2 Comments

My first pregnancy, with twins, was scary. At 18 weeks, doctors suspected the possibility of TTTS (Twin-to-twin Transfusion Syndrome). I was put on a strict bed rest, and was only able to leave the house for twice-weekly ultrasounds. Long story short, Baby A’s diastolic blood flow ended up reversing at 31 weeks which resulted in an emergency c-section, 2 and 3 lb babies, a 2 month NICU stay, multiple surgeries, and a roller coaster of emotions.

Despite the hardships we faced with preemies, my c-section experience was not bad. In fact, I thought it was relatively easy. Of course, the recovery was slow, but I certainly did not have a traumatic surgery experience. I had thought if I ever had another baby, that I would definitely opt for another section. But, when I became pregnant again with baby #3, the idea of a VBAC was something that I began to consider. This was likely the last time I would ever be pregnant- I would hate to regret not experiencing labor and delivery the “normal” way. So, I made the decision to attempt a VBAC.

This pregnancy was smooth. Oh, what a difference there was between a twin pregnancy and a singleton pregnancy! I felt great, exercised regularly and ate healthy. Baby measured perfect at every appointment and I easily made it full term. It was a dream pregnancy, really! I was worried about how labor might go- I had never felt a contraction with my twin pregnancy since they were delivered so prematurely. But, people told me I would “know” when it was time. And, boy, did I ever! I labored at home for a few hours and finally decided it was time to go in. When I got there, I was shocked to hear that I was fully dilated! It was time to break my water and push! That also meant there was no time for an epidural. Wait… what?! I had certainly planned on getting one! I immediately thought I couldn’t handle it and the thought of just opting for the c-section crossed my mind briefly. But the pain was so intense, I couldn’t even care. My husband, mom, sisters and mother-in-law were at my side. My doctor arrived shortly after, broke my water, and I began to push.

I wish I could tell you that the rest of the story was calm and relaxed; that I simply listened to my body and gently delivered a beautiful baby. But… that wasn’t quite the case! My experience was beautiful… but it wasn’t calm. There is really no way to describe it. It was the most intense thing I have ever gone through. I may have used some colorful language and called my doctor a liar when she told me I was doing good. I may have even begged to stop and go home a few times. But, an hour and a half of pushing later, our baby girl was born. The memory of the pain just a few short minutes before completely disappeared. I had done it. I not only achieved a VBAC, but I did it completely unmedicated and naturally. I didn’t even have so much of an IV. I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, full-term baby. I was in love and in awe. I was proud and empowered. Giving birth is a truly amazing experience.

Today, my shape might not be what it once was. My stomach isn’t quite as flat, and traces of the deep stretch marks I once had still linger. But, I LOVE my shape. I love what my body was able to create, the pain it was able to endure, and the miracles it produced. While those miracles may have been what was responsible for stretching my body as far as it could go, it is also responsible for getting it to the shape it is now. Yes, I have three children. Yes, I have stretch marks. Yes, I exercise daily. Yes, health and fitness is a priority to me. And that is FOR my children, not BECAUSE of them. I don’t care what the number on the scale says- I just want to be here, healthy and active, running around the playground, coaching softball teams, playing tag, cuddling, carrying, and loving my babies for a long, long time to come!

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years old and 5 months old (5 months postpartum)

Terrible self image, despite healing well. 1st baby. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions Monday, February 23, 2015Saturday, February 21, 2015 4 Comments

1 child, 5 months PP

I am 23 and gave birth to my gorgeous baby girl 5 months ago. I love her more than life itself but have struggled with the effect on my body- softer stomach and saggier boobs :( I was lucky to only get very small stretchmarks underneath my belly button and they are now barely noticeable. My baby girls delivery was natural and the pregnancy was fine although I developed antenatal depression in my 3rd trimester and spent most of the pregnancy worrying excessively about my babies health. I didnt really gain much weight during the pregnancy, I went up a dress size and seemed to retain alot of water, the excess weight seemed to drop off post birth however I feel my posture is utterly horrendous from looking after a baby and carrying one for 9 months and despite recovering well body wise my self image is in tatters, I feel fat and ugly all the time even when done up (this never occured before) and my face has been ravaged by sleep deprivation- I have that ‘mumsy’ look now that tbh I always hated. My boobs seem to have shrunk even though I only breastfed for a few weeks. I feel guilty even feeling bad about myself post birth as many women have it a lot worse than me.. It doesnt help that sometimes my vagina feels ‘numb’ during sex aswell! Nightmare. I enjoy dancing and exercise and am hoping to incorporate it more in order to feel like ‘me’ again and maybe tone up a bit, I am just always so tired and busy these days! I am in a bit of a rush here anyway but just thought I’d post my story. Hugs to everyone going through similar feelings :)

Pics:
1. me when I had the time and energy to put make up on- and a good nights sleep! age 21
2. me age 22 26 weeks pregnant with my baby :)
3. me pre baby age 21
4. 5 months post partum- wouldnt even show my knackered face now!

Single Mom, FML (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions Wednesday, February 18, 2015Saturday, February 14, 2015 7 Comments

22y/o FTM of 5month old

Well I just need to vent, get it out before I go completely off the deep end. I lay here next to my son and in some ways I want to die. I want to scream and hit and throw things and I want to finally break down and give up. I am so sick of fighting but I have to. I can’t let my son grow up with unhealthy habits, so I have to put a damn smile on and pretend that I don’t hate everything I see when I look in the mirror. I have to pretend that I never think what if I hadn’t had my son. Because I would always do it the same for him but I dream, and remember the body I desperately miss. The face that I never liked sneers at me as I look at my deflated ness. I took a nude but couldn’t look at it, let alone let anyone else. I’m a single mother who can never again date 1) I worry about the effects on my son 2*) who would want me? At least anyone who wasn’t a dog themselves? Call me shallow, because I am. I couldn’t ever undress for that dream man if he came along, let alone let him near my bomb zone. My son is only 5months but I myself won’t go near that wrecked place again. I look at my son and thank God but I beg him to let me look human again. I love being a mom but I hate looking like one. Not the best pics but you can still see (I’m conceited) I went from awesome curves (can’t see it but rippling toneness. Rippling!) to flappy baggy saggy ew look at that mom.

Young but no longer youthful. (Brianna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom Monday, February 16, 2015Saturday, February 14, 2015 6 Comments

Pregnancies: 1
( 7 months pp)
Height: 5’3 Weight: 134

I had just turned 18 and graduated high school in 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified to give birth because it was one of my biggest fears in life ( yay I did it! Lol) but nothing scared me more than knowing my body was never going to be the same, I was already insecure so as if I needed any more of it. I knew what pregnancy was going to come with. Stretch marks on the parts of your body that you want to show off the most , no more pink hershy kiss nipples that my boyfriend liked so much, and no more smooth skin to rub against while making love. The part that tortured my mind even more was realizing I was young and didn’t even have the chance to appreciate my body while I could. I couldn’t wait to pop out my son and I work off all the weight I gained during my pregnancy. I was so determined to come back 10 times sexier lol (i gained 33 pounds) Well I gave birth on June 5th 2014 to a healthy 6 pound baby boy and the moment I came home I looked at myself naked. Who even knows what I thought at that point. All I remember is that I was like whoa! What happened to you lol
My body was all of a sudden an obvious billboard sign advertising these stretch marks and saggy boobs and dark nipples. I was horrified. I definitely wasn’t buying it. Who could ever love me? Right? Now I could never be naked during sex and feel sexy. Sure I could do it but would i enjoy it? (No. Way!) My pregnancy was normal, no difficulties, same with birth. I was thankful for that. But now I was left feeling gross and unattractive. So I started to workout and lost most of the weight. Thank God for my boyfriend of almost 3 years ( yes, my baby’s daddy ) who is always encouraging me and telling me that Hollywood is just stupid for making girls feel like they need to look perfect. I have really been dealing with my insecurities, especially now. I am only 19 and I sometimes feel brought down when I see other girls my age able to work a belly button ring or a crop top. I hate that this world makes you think postpartum bodies cant be sexy and people just act like they dont know its normal. But this is me letting go because of all you ladies and this website. I am excited to be a part of this. You all are beautiful no matter what! Let the project live on!

I was a body builder. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins Wednesday, December 24, 2014 5 Comments

Where to start. Well, 18 months ago I found out I was pregnant, and two short months later I found out I was carrying fraternal twin girls. I grew them for 8 months and two weeks, and when they were born they became a bigger part of my life then I could have ever imagined. They are my heart, and life without them just wouldn’t be complete. Fast forward several months through weight loss, post partum depression, weight gain and I am constantly battling my body and how to accept it’s new form. I was never thin before, but I was not overweight. I dressed femininely in skirts and dresses that created the illusion of a waist on my straight figure. I have the opposite of a waist, now. My hips got a couple inches wider, my waist got wider than that even and now I look like I’ve wrapped a sack of potatoes around my midsection. I do not know who this body belongs to, but it certainly isn’t mine!

When I was pregnant my old roommates told me I was a body builder! I felt so empowered by the end of my pregnancy, this was the biggest thing I have ever done in my life. I bore life. Two beautiful, perfect life’s. So why do I beat myself up? I feel lazy, and my eating habits are horrible ranging from not eating to binging on junk. How do new moms find the balance? I feel like I’m a great mom to my girls, but I don’t even come close to giving myself the same care and attention that I deserve or need.

Before the girls were born, I was obsessed with bouncing back to my pre pregnancy shape and size. The girls came via scheduled cesarean, so I had plenty of time to mentally prepare and have no major issues with my scar or even stretch marks. I read that nursing would make the weight melt off, and then for multiple reasons was unable to nurse. I envy the lucky women who bounced right back.

So here I am, wishing I could be a size 12 again one day and knowing damn well how I felt when I was a size 12. It’s funny how our perceptions of reality change. Size 12 was huge! Now what I wouldn’t give to look like I did when I was three months pregnant. I keep telling myself that after the first year it will get better, but I have to face the fact that body image has been a life long battle for me. I hope a day comes where this statement will no longer be true…

I believe I was about 12 weeks pregnant [in the first picture], so a pretty decent idea of how my body looked before.

Probably at around 34 weeks [in the second picture]. I got much bigger doing most of my growing in the third trimester, when I got all my stretch marks.

Sad. Now my bra size is 40DDD and I look like a nice lumpy pillow. I took this almost 9 months PP. I’m depressed now.

How do I do this? I look like me , but it’s more like someone else ate me and now we’re one weird human. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I have absolutely no clue where to start…

Twin Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins Monday, December 15, 2014 6 Comments

25 years old
First and only pregnancy
Fraternal twin boys born at 38 weeks via csection 5 lbs 1 oz and 5 lbs 12 oz

I wanted to share my “story”. I am just a real mom. I didn’t let myself go when I got pregnant and I tried to do “all the right things” for the most part. I am not a clean eater or extreme athlete. I highly respect the women who are dedicated enough to live that lifestyle and I hope someday I can be that dedicated! If I had been then I probably would look better postpartum twins than I do. Oh well, can’t change it now! :) For the most part I think genetics, in my case, did just get the best of me. I look almost identical to my mom after her kiddos. I see photos of women who had twins and look perfect with not a stretch mark or pinch of extra skin and it can be quite discouraging that that is not what I look like. I just want to share with other “moms to be” my “story” and how things turned out for me.

Pre-pregnancy weight 118 lbs. 5’6″ size 34D boobs. Active. Runner. Always had a pretty good body even when I didn’t work out or “try”. In the before pictures I was in the best shape of my life. I had done 3 months of the program “Brazil Butt Lift” and ran 4-5 miles 4-5 days a week.

I continued to run for the first few months of my pregnancy. I watched what I ate most of the time, but if I wanted to eat something I ate it. I gained 43 lbs when I walked back for my csection. I drank a lot of water!! I used cocoa butter and bio-oil religiously. It did not prevent my stretch marks. They look almost identical to my mothers.

I have diastasis recti. I went to physical therapy for it and it helped dramatically but I still struggle with it. It has not completely closed and at this point I don’t believe it will. I wish I was able to work out more than I have been able to. It is very hard for me to find the time, but that is not excuse. Of course I was upset with some aspects of my postpartum body, but overall I don’t think that I look too bad. My husband tells me all the time that he is more attracted to me than ever. I believe him because he wants me more now than ever. :) I frequently have people tell me that I look Amazing for having twins and they envy me. Of course, they don’t see me naked. I look pretty good in clothing! Ha! :) I am most happy that I didn’t develop an obvious tummy in clothing and my boobs are still there. (although not the same, slightly smaller and saggy) Again, my husband still loves them. He does say they are more “squishy” now than before, when they were firm.

I breastfed my twins until they were a year old. I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans and that at 3 months postpartum but everything wasn’t back to “normal” until around 9 months pp. When I neared the point to wean the boys I was starting to waist away and only weighed about 117 lbs. After I had them weaned I gained back some weight and now I am sitting around 125 lbs. Not too far from my pre-pregnancy weight of 118 lbs. I wear all my old clothes. My csection scar is amazingly tiny and barely there. Looks much better than my stretch marks. The stretch marks didn’t really start until around 30 weeks.

In the white bikini- Pre-pregnancy 118 lbs 5’6″
In the pink dress- 1 1/2 years postpartum 125 lbs
In the black bra and blue yoga pants- 1 1/2 years postpartum 125 lbs
In the underwear and black sports bra- 16 months postpartum
In the blue tank top side view- 9 months postpartum
Walking back for my csection in the blue striped shirt (38 weeks twin baby bump)
With my little babies- going home at 5 days postpartum

Fascinated by the Changes (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions Monday, December 1, 2014Monday, December 1, 2014

Age: 39 years old

First child.

I am fascinated by the changes to my body (especially my boobs) that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are making.

I took these photos as a record for myself but also to share with a young friend of mine who told me ” Oh, you can exercise and get your body back.”

My response to her was “Well, if you think there’s an exercise that will change my boobs back, I think you believe in magic. ;)

I’ve left it late in life to have my first child – I’m 39 – and I feel it’s a little easy to accept my body because I had it good while I was young.

Now I am ageing anyway and at least I have something to show for it – and making another human is quite an achievement! :)

I do worry though that women have unrealistic expectations of what they can control and change about their bodies and I think it’s important to learn how to embrace the mamma body.

In some ways, I disagree that women should even have to show their bodies at all. Why are we always under such scrutiny other than to drive an industry?

But if sharing images of ourselves makes someone else feel less alone in their situation, then it’s worth it!

So here are some photos that I am happy to share.

The first one was taken when I was 28 years old (and long before having children) – proof that I too once had perky boobs. ;)

And the next shot was taken at age 39; 5 weeks postpartum, post C-section, currently breastfeeding.

I’m not sure of my weight but I think I’m about 6kg heavier than I was before getting pregnant (now about 74kg, was 68kg) and about 16kg heavier now than I was 10 years ago when the first shot was taken (was 58kg).

The other photos are of different stages. One old photo is from when I was 28 years old. Then 5 weeks postpartum. Also 5 weeks and 31 weeks pregnant.

(Comments closed by request.)

Overdue, induced and finally sectioned! 25 days postpartum! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions Monday, November 17, 2014 0 Comment

When I found out i was pregnant I was both excited and terrified I had just started a new healthy lifestyle, was down three kg and was feeling fantastic. I have always had body issues and the though of pregnancy weight gain and body changes scared the hell out of me. My pregnancy was not fun I had really bad morning sickness was hospitalized and lost 6 more kg during the first trimester due to this. I was happy I had lost more weight but felt incredible guilt because my baby could have been compromised, so I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted and whatever I could keep down in order to regain the weight.

Anyway towards the end of my pregnancy my partner and I relocated interstate to be closer to family and needless to say it was a very stressful time. My new doctor was fantastic but it was just one thing after another and I worried about every thing. She initially said i was too small to give birth to a full term baby naturally and that she may induce early at 38wks, I went for a scan and the babies size was fine but i had low fluid levels, so I was sent for another scan, I was strep B positive, then the babies heart rate became erratic and high and it felt like every little thing that could go wrong was going wrong. The doctor let me go full term and booked me in for an induction when I made it to 40wks and 6 days.

The first induction attempt (with cervadil?) didn’t bring on labor, I had contractions but once the cervadil was removed everything stopped and my cervix were shut tight!

After 24 hours a second induction was attempted using prostaglandin gel, this time I was having small irregular contractions that didn’t get any stronger and eventually stopped. My cervix were still shut tight! No Labor no Baby.

By this stage I was 40wks and 9 days and my doctor said I can let you go and see what happens but “I don’t think anything is going to happen on it’s own especially after the inductions failed, Or we can book you in this afternoon for a section” After four days in hospital I just wanted to meet my baby so I opted for the section. I was a little scared but excited that after going through so much I would finally meet my baby. It was not to be. I was prepped for surgery and had the spinal block inserted and well IT DIDN’T WORK! the spinal block failed to take effect, I could still wiggle my toes and feel my legs and pelvis so the section was abandoned I couldn’t believe it. I was devastated I was so ready to meet my baby and I was being told no you have to wait another day.

I was re-booked for another one under an epidural for the next morning. Thank goodness this time it worked and I was finally able to meet my baby a little boy! I was allowed to leave hospital on Monday after delivering by section on the Friday.

Here I am 25 days later (still with the steri strip over my scar). I still have a way to go but you know what I don’t care I’ve got something better than a hot body, a beautiful, healthy little boy that I love more than anything

Age: 33
Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 25 days postpartum