Cesarean Scar and/or Incision

Mum of three babies after 2 pregnancies -Twins (Natasha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, Update 14 Comments

I had my first daughter at 19. I had a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and a beautiful natural birth. I carried small, and my body returned to normal very soon after Anna was born. At the time I thought it was so different, and struggled for a short time to come to terms with those changes. I now realise of course that those changes were SO miniscule and I wish I had appreciated the body that I had before my second pregnancy far more than I did. I loved it for providing me with my child, but struggled to come to terms with the physical changes and didn’t appreciate how good I looked for having had a baby. I made a submission here after Anna’s birth. As Anna approached 1 year old, we decided to try for our second child as we wanted a close age gap and I want to go to university and work on a career, but not before I have my family. I did not want to wait 4 years to get my degree and however long it took to find employment in my chosen work area and however long it would take to fall pregnant… at that rate our little girl would be 6 or 7 by the time she had a brother or sister, and that was just too long for us.

We tried for our second pregnancy for 6 months before we fell, and sadly we lost that pregnancy. We were lucky to fall again the next month, and when I started bleeding heavily at 7 weeks I was so sure we had lost another pregnancy, however when we were scanned at the EPU at 8 weeks gestation, we were given the wonderful, incredible news – There was not a heartbeat, but there were two! – We were expecting TWINS! I got really big with the twins, it was nothing like what I experienced with Anna, and began to dread how I would look after the birth – expecting the worst.

I had a hard time of the pregnancy. I went into preterm labour at 31 weeks when my waters broke, but they were able to stop the labour and I went on to 34 weeks 5 days before they induced me due to the risk of infection from my ruptured membranes and suspected IUGR of twin 2. I had a traumatic birth where, after I had reached 10cm all by myself with no pain relief, the doctors and midwives took control and interfered in my birth in ways that confused and terrified me. I felt scared and violated – suddenly the contractions were unbearably painful and I struggled to push my babies out as I was forced to lay on a table with my arms strapped down and my legs in stirrups. I successfully gave birth to “twin 1” who we called Sophie-Rose. It angers me in hindsight that I had to ask for my arms to be unstrapped before I could hold my baby. After she was born the midwives pushed on my tummy to try to encourage “twin 2” to come down. This also angers me as I soon started to haemorrhage, and my placenta detached before my second daughter was born, which I fully believe was as a direct result from this pushing and prodding on my uterus from the outside. Because of this, I had to have a caesarean for my second daughter’s birth. I was knocked out with a general anaesthetic and my daughter was cut from my body. I didn’t get to see her for some hours until I had come around from the GA. We called our beautiful, tiny, “twin 2”, Grace.

My caesarean scar is a constant reminder of how wrong that birth was, and I feel like I let Grace down that she didn’t benefit from natural birth and have a cuddle straight after birth like both of her sisters did. The other marks on my body make me proud, though. My body has changed a lot more than it did with my first pregnancy and birth – my tummy is covered in stretchmarks and I have a slight overhang above my caesarean scar, but these are all reminders to me that I carried, nurtured and loved my babies with everything I had in me, for almost 8 months. I feel like a true mother, and my “mummy tummy” is a badge of honour – It speaks to the world and to all who see it, and it says, “this is more than a woman – this is a MOTHER.” It tells the story of the amazing journey that I have been through of pregnancy and birth, and of carrying three babies through two pregnancies. There is no achievement greater than that, and I am so proud.

My baby girls are so perfect, all three of them. I breastfed Anna for 16 months until she stopped asking for it, and I am planning on breastfeeding the twins until they decide it is time as well :-) I’m so grateful to the universe that no matter how they arrived here on earth, I have been blessed with three amazing, beautiful little girls and that makes me one of the luckiest people in existence.

I only wanted and planned on having two children (I got a bonus baby!) but after this birth experience… Initially I was so sure I would never want any more children ever again – not just because we had had all the pregnancies we had planned for, but because I had been so traumatised that I didn’t think I COULD do it again. But now, part of me yearns to have a fourth baby some time (not any time soon!), just to prove to myself what can be done. Not that it will right the wrongs of the birth that I experienced with the twins, but it would heal some of the hurt I have been left with after that birth, if I could do it again and do it RIGHT. I still yearn for that last perfect birth that I feel was taken from me in the theatre room where I birthed my last two children. Part of me feels it would be helpful and healing to do it again before I’m done, maybe after my degree is complete and I have been working for a few years, so when the girls are 7 or 8… I’d have to convince my husband on that one, though – as he is as offput as I was after the whole ordeal that I don’t think he’d be willing to risk me going through it all again :-(

The attached photos are:
1 – 28 weeks bump photo
2 – One month postpartum side on
3 – One month postpartum other side
4 – One month post partum face on
5 – One month post partum tummy only
6 – Caesarean scar

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 natural births and 1 caesarean birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Anna is aged 22 months, and Sophie-Rose and Grace are 1 month old (so 1 month post partum)

C-Section (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Hello, my name is Sara. I am currently two weeks PP as I was blessed with the best Christmas Gift ever in 2009: our first child (a daughter!). I was originally due January 20th, 2010 but ran into some complications with my pregnancy and was put on bedrest. I went in on Christmas Eve 2009 for a routine NST only to find out that I was in active labor and was sent over to the hospital for an emergency C-Section, as the baby was frank breech. Several hours later, she was born. A full 4 weeks early, she only had to spend one night in the NICU and was perfectly healthy short of being a tad underweight (5 lbs). 3 days in the hospital and we were able to go home.

Pre-pregnancy, I was about 160 lbs. A little bit overweight for my size frame, but not obese. (Naturally after I got married I gained all of my weight- I was always small my whole life). I’ve never really been overly happy with my body, but I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I gained 18 lbs total with my pregnancy, and remained relatively “small”- at almost 9 months pregnant, I looked about 5 months. This is how it was discovered that I was having some complications with the pregnancy- low amniotic fluid put me in the hospital and on bedrest.

Looking at my body now, I appreciate everything that it went through. Feeling my incision site from the c-section reminds me of how amazing my body truly is. Am I happy with my couple of stretch marks? No. I’m not- but I’m going to hopefully get back in the best shape I have ever been. I didn’t get any stretch marks on my breasts, butt, or stomach, but I did get several on my hips. They are the first thing my eyes go to whenever I see myself naked. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that apparently has horrible vision, as he still can’t seem to get enough of me, even when I was my largest with our daughter, and now with stretch marks and a scar. :) He doesn’t seem to see the same thing I do!

I am 23 years old, married for two years to my high school sweetheart, with three dogs, a brand new home my husband and I built, and now an amazing daughter. I couldn’t be more blessed!

Pictures included: Side view, c-section scar, front with breasts, our beautiful daughter Madalyn

After 2 kids and 2 c-sections (Milia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 17 Comments

Age: 28
Pregnancy/live birth: 2 (both c-section)
How far long postpartum: 3 and half months
Age of kid(s) = 15 months; 3 and a half months
Weight gain during pregnancy: 35 lbs; 40 lbs

First, I would like to mention this site has helped me tremendously when I was at my lowest point. My first son was born via emergency c-section due to fetal distress. I remember the c-section recovery was easy and did not have much pain at all. Most likely I was in shocked to really know what was going on and the adrenaline spike has masked all the pain that people was always talking about when it comes to c-section recovery.

When my first son was barely 4 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. It was not planned and I was scared. I was scared what it would do to my body. 9 months later, my second son was born..again another c-section. This time it was a scheduled c-section. So I have back to back pregnancy, with back to back c-section in less than 22 months.

The first time around, I snapped back into shape very fast without doing anything different. Second time around, I wasn’t so lucky. I was depressed for many weeks following the birth, blaming my husband for everything. I cried for days..day and night and was unable to look at myself into the mirror. My husband thought I am still beautiful but I could not care less of what he said.. WHat matters is what I think.. I desperately want to feel beautiful again, I want all the loose skin, flabby belly to be gone.. I want to look good again. ANd all I was feeling was fat, unattractive monster that I truly believe I have become.

Before I was pregnant with my first son, I was 108 lbs at 5’4. And now, I am 122 lbs. I have beautiful body before, but I have never really appreciated it. I always thought I was fat and now only I wish I can go back in time and change what I thought of me. But I love my kids more than anything, but still deep down inside, I wish I can feel as beautiful as they both appear to me.

Here are my pics at 3 and half months post partum.

2 Children 13 months apart (Desiree)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

Age: 20
2 pregnancies, 2 C- sections
Cesarean birth
14 month old daughter
17 day old son

I had my first child, a girl on 10- 17- 2008. It was a long labor, and after pushing for 2 hours and high blood pressure, with a fever of 103 they took me into the OR for an emergency C section. Where I lost more then half my bodies volumn in blood. My Dr said I was lucky, and she had no idea why that happened. After I noticed what that C section did to my body. And it hurt to look in the mirror.. but I also gained 50 lbs with that pregnancy. Stretch marks everywhere, and now an ugly scar, and saggy belly pouch. 160 lbs, I would give anything to be 115 lbs again, well thats how I felt then.

Over the next couple months I came to terms with my new body, and I was fine walking around my house shirtless. (I was breastfeeding)
But getting pregnant just 4 months post partum really killed me. I didnt lose much weight. And I came into the next pregnancy at 157 lbs. I gaiend 20 lbs with my son, born 11-29-09.

Now at 17 days post partum, I notice my belly pouch is a little bigger then it once was. I have no new stretch marks, but still have the old. I really hate my body. It makes me a little sad. But Im ok with it. I have two beautiful children who I would gladly give anything for, even my once beautiful body. But I have lost all of the weight I gained with my son. I still ahve over 40 lbs to lose, and Im kind of terrified I will never see myself as beautiful again.

Ode To My Scar (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Update 29 Comments

I posted when I was 3 weeks postpartum about my feelings following a cesarean, and I wasn’t planning on posting again until I’d made some progress on my body, but I have had some thoughts that I would like to share (especially considering I’ve read several dissatisfied Cesarean mommy posts lately).

As much as I hated the necessity of a cesarean, I am somewhat fond of my scar. It’s very smooth (though still red), and aside from some numbness, doesn’t bother me at all—no stiffness or pulling. Sometimes I like to run my fingers over the smoother skin along the scar and remember the day I got it, the day I got to meet my sweet baby girl.

Anyhow, this is what I thought about: C-section scars are very unique. They are the only type of scar that is instantly recognizable (no other surgery causes an incision in the same place, same size, every person, every time). They are the only scar whose creation saved two lives instead of one. And they are a physical sign of a mother’s willingness to do anything for her children—even go under the knife.

A cesarean scar is a reminder that all of the planning in the world can’t make things go the way you want it to. It is a reminder that children will do what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. For those who avoided stretch marks, it can be a physical reminder of how your body sheltered and grew a baby all those months. And it is a souvenir of one of the happiest days of a mother’s life.

It occurred to me that a cesarean scar is kind of like a badge of membership in an exclusive club. Sure, we might not all have stories about where we felt that first contraction, or how long labor lasted, or how long we pushed (though some do), but we have birth stories of a different type. We did what we had to to make sure our children got here safely, and that’s what really matters. So, yes, I like my scar quite a bit, and I’m glad I’ll always have it to remind me of all of these things.

(As a follow-up to my last post, I’m doing much better with my feelings about the cesarean. I am very positive I can have a VBAC next time—unless #2 is also breech!—and that confidence has helped to dispel any lingering feelings of loss. The only time I’ve felt bad about it in the last month or two was when a friend had a 10 lb. baby vaginally, and I thought “why is that she can do that, and I couldn’t even deliver my 6 ½ pounder?” But I got over it quickly because I know my time will come. Now my only problem is waiting 3 years to find out if I can actually do it!)

My age: 25
One pregnancy, one birth
4 months +1 week postpartum (19 weeks)

Pictures (sorry they’re awkward close-ups, but I figured if I was going to write all about my scar, I needed to include pictures of it!):
My incision 1 day post-partum (for comparison–sorry it’s kind of blurry)
My scar today (19 weeks post-partum)
My little girl, because I love sharing pictures of her!

Updated here and here.

I did it! 9 Months PP Minus 60 Pounds! (Elissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Anonymous
Age of pregnancy: 22
Age now: 24

Previous entry here.

I just posted at 8 Months PP I had 5 pounds to go. Well, I made my goal 9 months pp! For all you ladies with those annoying women in your life that tell you what you need to do to lose your weight and constantly tell you how you should do it…Don’t listen…Do what works for you. I had a friend who gained about 42 pounds and lost it all within 5 months. She was a size 3 when she was 6 months PP and I was watching her try on clothes in a wheelchair at 36 weeks pregnant. LOTS OF FUN FOR ME! At 4 months PP she tried to get me to go on walks and do P90X with her. I had a C-Section and I still didn’t feel like my body was ready. P90X works but it killed my recovering body and after 15 minutes of doing it I wouldn’t do it again. I was so sore! My friend informed me that if I wanted to lose my weight I needed to eat fat burning foods…My friend didn’t breastfeed and I did…I started trying what she told me to do because I was in a rut…Well, I kept getting migraines and was getting really sick. I had to go to the doctor and they told me not to starve myself and eat lots of protien and enough carbs…DON’T LISTEN TO those know it all friends, they don’t help and take you off of what was working for you. Our bodies are all completely different and we will lose weight at the pace our body wants to lose it. My body isn’t what it once was, and my butt doesn’t seem to want to perk up for me…But I love it. I am finding that I grow to love my pooch on my tummy more and more because that’s where my daughter lived for 9 months. If anyone needs any pointers I will be glad to help with advice on what worked for me. I LOVE my food and eating right wasn’t even a challenge for me because I still ate yummy food, just ate the right amounts and watched my calorie intake. I also splurged on strawberry frozen yogurt. Good luck ladies, I know how it feels when you’re first starting out with the new baby and new body. It took me 9 months!

Updated here.

Loving who I am now (Hannah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 29 years old
1 Pregnancy, 1 Child
Photos: 1,2,3 are 18months PP and 4 is a before pregger and 8mo pregger photo

I have a son named Ellis. Ellis was born last May by an unplanned C-section. He is now 18 months old. I had a pretty rough pregnancy. I was in school full-time at Mills College and I was working part-time with preschoolers. While I was pregnant, I completed all of the requirements to graduate, wrote a 25 page thesis, and walked in commencement 6 days after giving birth to Ellis. Whew~

During pregnancy, I gained 100pds+! Just to give you an idea… I weighed 120pds pre-preggers and by the time he was born, I was weighing in at 220-230pds! I had REALLY high blood pressure and one doctor told me I had the most worst case of edema he had ever seen! Needless to say… my once tight and taut body has become an oasis for stretch marks, flabby skin, and just all-together blah-ness~

I didn’t have the confidence or the energy to venture out into the world as the strong mommy warrior I envisioned to be and hoped I would be. Instead I had a long recovery from the unplanned surgery and loathed what I had become. At 27 years old I thought I had the whole world figured out… well, maybe just my world. I thought I knew who I was, what I went through and overcame, I thought… and felt like I just knew me. The package.

After my baby boy was born, I totally lost all sense of who I was and I realized that I no longer possessed the “knowing” of what in essence was me. I was a new person. Reborn. I was a mommy now. Although I loved this being that came from my womb, I resented the fact that in return, I received things that I did want more of… scars, stretch marks, fat, serious responsibilities…

Now a little over a year has passed and I am coming to terms with the new identity I’ve had to establish in being the mother to my child and I am happy to say… I do in fact love myself again… okay, maybe like. I still struggle with issues that I’ve struggled with all my life. Weight issues, insecurities… aarrrggghhh! One day I will overcome.

Needing an Ego Stroke (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 42 Comments

Age:20 Age at birth:19
1 pregnacy 1 birth by c section
postpartum: 12 weeks

I met my husband at a fatal car accident. I was first on scene as a forensic photographer and he showed up as a firefighter. We became pregnant 3 weeks after by surprise. Our son was a first night encounter baby. I was a very small person. I started out as 99 lbs and was a total gym rat. I took pride in seeing how far i could push my body to the limit. I never was sick during the pregnancy but i was unable to do any physical activity. As the months passed I watched my once toned body grow and my skin rip. I gained 32 pounds during my pregnancy. At 41 weeks the doctor induced me where i waited for the baby to come for 18 hours. After a hour of pushing that was going no where, my body was exhusted and was giving up. I ended up having a emergency C-section after 20 hours of labor all together. My beautiful baby was born, not all pretty like normal c section babies cuz i had pushed so hard. but he was the most perfect baby. I ended up getting a massive infection in the hospital and gained more weight to a toal of 140. 5 days later i was allowed to go home with my new son. I was horrified at what the mass of my body looked like after. I had stretch marks on my butt and my breasts and where my belly ring had been tore. My once butt now nicely blends into my thighs. Since the birth of my son i have gone through finding out about three semi affairs my husband had with three girls and my self esteem is at a all time low. I feel like a young mommy that has a mommy body and a nice purple scar from hip to hip and stretch marks. I am trying really hard to accept my body and not being able to workout as hard as i would like due to the pain still, is discouraging. i know i will never be the same as i used to be and one day hope i can accept and love the new skin i am in. I have dropped my weight and am now to 102lbs but along with weight i have lost all form of tone.

pictures:41 weeks, hour before being induced
me and my son
my son
the rest, my body now

So it doesn’t really matter after All (Deineria)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 19 Comments

First, I love this site. I think it provides immeasurable comfort to moms from all walks of life, and I also feel it is a reality check for those who initially believe what they see in magazines represents a fair picture of most women.

I had my first son when I was 19. I was a size 8, 34D bra size then, and I weighed about 155 lbs. I delivered him at 38 weeks vaginally, and I weighed 205 lbs at that point. I wore a 40DDD bra when I first started breastfeeding (though that did settle into a 38DD as time went on). I weighed around 165lbs and wore a size 8/10 for the first year or so, and overall, I felt pretty “frumpy,” but honestly, it did not bother me much. I breastfed him until he was 22 months old!

I did not really mind the weight because I did not start out what most people consider thin, and my size just was not on my mind. I was married and outside of that, I did not consider my appearance.

When my son was 16 months old, my then husband and I separated and filed for a divorce, and suddenly, my appearance mattered once again – and it mattered a GREAT DEAL, and I essentially cut my eating in half, and I went down to 135lbs. At nearly 5’9”, this put me in a size 2/4. I admit, I was pleased with how I looked more so at 21 through about 23 than I had ever been as a teenager. My family is pretty vain in general, and the weigh loss brought it out in a big way in me. I was so happy to be thin, the fact I went from a 36D bra to a 34B bra was wonderful as well.

I met the man I married in the winter of 2004, and eventually, a complacency set in, and gradually, the weight crept back up, but honestly, he did not and does not mind, and I realized that the fight with food just was not worth it. By the time we married in 2006, I was in a size 6-8 and weighed about 155 lbs.

After the heartbreaking loss of my three younger siblings in a fire, any concern about weight and appearance drained totally out of me, and I went up to about 170lbs. Then, in March of 2008, I became pregnant with my second son after a miscarriage only the month before, and in October of 2008, weighing 200 lbs at 33 weeks, I had an Emergency C-section following multiple hospital stays for severe pre-eclampsia. Blood flow to the baby was severely compromised, and when they got him out, he was in the last 24 hours babies usually have of life upon blood flow being cut that strictly, but after 2 weeks in the NICU, he came home and has done so well! I pumped for quite sometime to keep milk for his IV, and then breastfed him until my milk supply went away with this current pregnancy when he was 9 months old.

My weight stayed around 168-170, wearing a size 10, thanks to breastfeeding until I found out I was pregnant in May of 2009. This will be my third BOY, and at 22 weeks, I now weigh 187lbs. My dad died in June this year, right after I found out I was pregnant, and soon after, I was diagnosed with a very enlarged aortic root valve which may dissect during pregnancy and needs replaced following pregnancy, at any rate. My blood pressure problem makes this condition worse, and I am considered about as high risk as a one can be, and the doctors have told me this has to be my last baby.

I suppose worries about the health of this baby, which will almost certainly be quite early, and how the pregnancy will effect my heart, all adds to the larger weight gain this time, but when you realize this is your last child, like it or not, weight gain as a result of a pregnancy is so trivial.

I do not think of pregnancy as something that breaks down the body, makes a woman incapable of even upholding the “ideal” body women as “supposed” to present because in my experience, life events outside of child birth, both good and tragic, led to my body changing and the insignificance of my weight, though I am aware of the changes and all, is amplified with it all.

Do not get me wrong, my weight bothers someone, actually quite a few people – even my 8 year old son and 5 year old sister make comments, as do my grandmother and mother, but I think the healthiest mindset is one that just shrugs it off as the minor thing that it is.

I am aware that I do not get attention from the opposite sex like I did at 135-140lbs, but at this point in my life, it just does not matter, and whether I have to look a bit longer for jeans and shirts that suit me is not something on my “worry” list. I would not say I am nearly as confident in my body and image at this size, overall, but I am confident as a person in ways beyond that.

I am 14 year vegetarian, so I obviously want to be healthy, but I think I can be okay at 170lbs, if that is what I weigh without having to worry over what I am eating.

Yes, I got stretch marks, varicose veins, floppy boobs (mainly because mine become SO very huge) and with effort on my part, it all looked pretty dang good while I worked to maintain it – – – it is just that the life I have been dealt in general has made all of the time put into that seem a bit wasted and the “end result” seems rather unimportant now, and maybe that is the better perspective in the first place. I love my boys, love eating things I enjoy and my husband really does not mind if I squish here and there. :)

Feeling better about my body (George)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, HELLP Syndrome, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

Age: 26
3 pregnancies, 1st was a extremely preamture vaginal birth, 2nd was a catastrophic c-section, 3rd one I lost.
My first girl should’ve been 9 years old now, she died almost 6 weeks old. My second girl is soon 6 years old, and I just lost my third child in the first trimester 3 weeks ago.

Because of this page, and all you wonderful mamas, I’m feeling better about my body.
Before I saw all the gorgeous pictures here, I was feeling quite bad about myself. Particularly my belly and c-section scar.

I had my first child just over 9 years ago, vaginal birth, but in week 23, she was 17.5 oz and 11.9 inches. Traumatic and dramatic birth, and I watched them work on her after she was out, intubate her etc. She lived for almost 6 weeks before she couldn’t go on anymore, due to critical and serious illnesses. Long, heartbraking weeks in the NICU with a very sick baby who was in pain a lot.
Loosing her was the total loss. I still wake at night because every cell in my body is screaming for her, screaming that one of the people I loved the most is gone. I miss her more than words can say. The pain and grief vibrates with amplifiers in my bone marrow.Still.
She is with me in my heart and thoughts every day. I love her more than anything.

My second child was born 6 years ago in november. She was born in week 30. That was a catastrophic c-section. She was out less than 10 minutes after I woke up bleeding heavily. She wasn’t breathing and didn’t have a heart rate when born. My placenta had ruptured totally. But they managed to bring her back to me. I am so greatful for that, every day. She was 2.6 lbs and 15.8 inches. I was very sick with HELLP-syndrome, and luckily in the hospital when this happened, or she wouldn’t have made it.
That was a very dramatic and traumatic birth, again. This time though, I was so sick, and lost so much blood, I almost died too.
We were both very critical the first few days.
I didn’t get to see my baby until she was 40 hours old. I don’t even have the words to describe the pain in that.
She pulled through, came home after 7 weeks in the NICU. The next few years she struggled with a lot, they were filled with illness, hospitals, tests, doctors, meds etc.
But she’s doing great now.
My joy and pride, my beautiful, amazing, strong, miracle-girl. I love her more than anything.

Then I got pregnant again, and I was very happy about that. But this time, I lost my child, just three weeks ago, in the first trimester. I am sure she was a third girl. I’ve never felt so empty in my life, this emptiness is filling me up. I didn’t know that a loss like this could be so terrible, so painful.
I dreamed last night, that my baby was gone, and even in my sleep the pain was so real and so overwhelming.
I’m scared I wont be able to carry more babies.
I wanted this baby with all my heart. I miss her so terribly much.

So, that’s my story, longer than I thought it would be.
My contribution to the page.
It is kinda scary this, putting yourself out there like that.
But I’m hoping others can feel better from looking at this page too, so I’m going to do it.
Best wishes to all the beautiful mamas out there, and thanks a lot for this page!