And the winner is… Crystal, commenter number 96!
I’m sending you an email now, please make sure you respond by midnight Wednesday or I’ll pick a new winner.
Thanks for participating, everyone!
Author: Bonnie (SOAM)
My Story (Korin)
Hi, My name is Korin. Im 24 years old. Mother of 3.
I used to be tiny, athletic, and very in tuned with my weight before I had children. Before I got pregnant with my Birthdaughter, I was 5’5″, 130lbs, very muscular as I was in dance all through High School. I was 16 when I had her, weighing in at 178lbs before delivery, stretched out, scars everywhere. I was extremely self concious afterwards. Alot of it had to do with the fact that I gave her up for adoption, and that I had no baby to go along with the stretch marks. I stayed in dance throughout school and was able to get down to a healthy 145.
At the Age of 20, I gave birth to my son. With that pregnancy, I managed to put a whopping 75lbs on my 5’5″ frame. I also stretched out even more, what I thought was not possible…
After having him I got into a nice work out regimin and got back down to 155lbs. And had to be satisfied with that, because no more weight was dropping off…
Then at the age of 23 I gave birth to my Daughter. Not only was I super picky the whole pregnancy about my weight, I am even worse now afterwards. Luckily I couldnt stretch any more, but I did get back up to 200lbs..
Now Im 6 months post partum and having the hardest time with my weight by far. I have been breastfeeding exclusively, and that has helped me get into my pre pregnancy jeans.. but I have this stubborn flat tire around my waist that I cannot get rid of. I want to have surgery so bad just to get rid of it.. but I do not have the money. I am stuck at 165lbs. i seemed to have an extra 10lbs per kid attached to me… sigh
I know, I should appreciate the fact that I am not super obese, and am a healthy mother of three… but its quite hard when all I want to do is be happy with my body, and not beat myself up over it.
Thank you for reading.
SOAM Changed Me (Corinne)
Age 33
3 Children; 12 years old, 20 months old and 8 days old.
3 Pregnancies, 8 days PP
I still remember the sick feeling I felt when I saw that my post had appeared on SOAM. I very nearly emailed Bonnie straight away to ask her to take it down. I decided to keep the fact I’d posted it a secret from people I knew and then I read it myself and looked at the photos as I would look at photos of another woman. I realised that my words of confidence didn’t reflect how I truly felt, but looking at those photos I realised my body was beautiful. I went on to share the post with some friends and family.
With my second post I felt so much more confident and loved taking the photos. I think it shows.
This experience inspired me to start my own blog in order to share my experiences through pregnancy and after. I hope that women in the UK will share their experiences in a similar way to this site. I know this site is open to anyone but it is lesser known in the UK. Since starting the blog I have felt truly confident and have loved writing it, I have also had many people tell me it has helped them and for that reason alone I feel proud.
I would like to end by saying a HUGE thank you to Bonnie for SOAM and for helping me change the way I feel about my body. I am thrilled to be able to say I love my post pregnancy body too, it has done an amazing job producing my 3rd baby boy, Wilfred. Already my belly is shrinking back, it’s always going to be a bit wobbly and stretch marked but I am looking forward to getting back out on my bicycle and getting fit so I can be a healthy, happy woman and mother.
I will leave you with some photos, me at 41 weeks pregnant, my stomach immediately after the birth and 7 days post partum.
For Ava (Anonymous)
Age: 23
Number of pregnancies: 1, Births 1
4 Weeks postpartum
I am 23 years old and had my beautiful daughter 4 weeks ago. When I found out I was pregnant, I weighed 126 pounds, the day I delivered my daughter Ava, I weighed 186. I gained 60 pounds!! I am 5’7 and have always been very thin. My main issue with my body is NOT the weight gain, it is the horrible stretch marks. A week after giving birth via c-section, I had lost 20 pounds. I have since lost a total of 30 pounds. I used to have a GREAT body, now when I look in the mirror I am so disgusted by what I see. I have massive stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, inner thighs, back of my legs, back of my knees, my waist, breasts and my butt. I did not use any lotion during pregnancy because I heard that it doesn’t matter how much lotion you use, if you are going to get stretch marks, then you will get them. I am so depressed by the way my body looks, it is summer and I cannot wear a bikini. I am now trying to find a tank tini so it will at least partially cover these hideous things. Nobody I know has stretch marks as bad as mine and that makes me feel horrible. My husband tries to encourage me and say ” they will go away” or “they will get lighter” but it doesn’t matter, until, then I am disgusted. Even though I feel disgusting, I am soooo grateful for my sweet baby girl and would do it all over again. In time I will learn to accept my new body and maybe they will get lighter or some may even go away.
Surfin’ Mama (Gia)
Age: 39
2 boys ages 5 years and 10 months
10 months post partum
I have a scar on my calf. It is thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes it fades just a little bit more. That makes me sad, because I love this scar. I loved it even more when it was new, thick, and hideously red. When people saw it, they were prompted to ask, “How’d you get that scar?” I would proudly say, “When I was first learning to surf.” Then I would tell them about how I paddled out on a day that I shouldn’t have. The waves were overhead, the rip current churning, the black flag thwacking in the wind, but I hopped on my board anyway. I paddled through the whitewash, duck-dove through the impact zone, and waited through several sets to gather the courage to drop into one of those ferocious waves. When I finally did, my timing was just a little bit off, and I went over-the-falls. For the non-surfers reading this, that’s when the wave drags you up and over, then comes crashing down on top of you, bashing you into the ocean floor, churning you relentlessly before spitting you out in the shallows. Somewhere in that murky washing machine, a fin on my board sliced through my leg. By the time I struggled back up to the beach, I was bleeding profusely, but I felt strangely exhilarated. I had conquered my fear. It’s a moment I will remember forever.
I don’t feel the same way about the scars on my belly. They are thin and whitened with age, and every year that passes I wish I could erase them completely. If there was a safe, easy, painless way to do it, I wouldn’t hesitate. But a tummy tuck seems extreme in my case, and adding a severe, hip to hip scar to get rid of a bunch of tiny ones, all so I can wear a bikini for three months out of the year, seems a little illogical. I’m not sure why I can’t embrace them like some of you. I love my kids, and stretch marks are a small price to pay, but I’m not emotionally attached to them in any way. I don’t think stretch marks make me stronger, more interesting, wiser, or more motherly. I don’t think that women who don’t get them are missing out on any sort of badge of honor or courage, “warrior stripes” as some call them. While I respect that others celebrate them, to me, they are not something I’ve earned. They’re just stretch marks.
When I was in my early twenties, I had a roommate who would spend hours examining herself in a magnifying mirror. She would pluck and poke at imaginary flaws in her perfect porcelain skin. When I would ask her what the hell she was doing she would respond, “Can’t you see that?” I tried to explain to her that no one views her through a magnifying glass. No one stands that close, so it’s pointless to look at yourself that way. This didn’t console her, and she would turn back to her mirror and start picking again.
It occurred to me the other morning, when I was standing at the mirror, staring at my belly in the unforgiving morning light, that I also look at myself in the wrong way. People do not just see one part of me, they see the overall shape. They do not stare at my stomach, my nose, my feet (okay, my husband stares at my ass, but you get my point). So I took five steps back and really just looked at the overall package, the way a stranger would look at me. An amazing thing happened. The stretch marks disappeared, and I saw what I am. An athlete. Broad shoulders, muscular arms, toned legs. I saw a healthy, active mother. So whether you’re athletic, curvy, or thin, embrace your overall shape. Forget the cellulite, the wrinkled skin, the moles, the stretch marks. You’re the only one looking at them, in the right light, at the right distance, in the exact position, that amplifies their significance. Then jump into the future for just a moment, and ask your 80 year-old self how she feels about the body you have right now, stretch marks, sagging belly skin and all. You’ll be shocked at the response. You know what mine said? “I just wish I could still paddle out and surf.”
Picts taken today
Five Years Old
The last few days have been a strange whirlwind of PMS hormones and the resulting emotions, insomnia and the resulting exhaustion, and some strange allergic reaction and the resulting Benedryl (And, FYI, watching Twin Peaks after taking a Benedryl is, well, exactly how you’d think it is). Under normal circumstances I’d be more prepared to celebrate SOAM’s fifth birthday (this may be wishful thinking) but this entire year has been just about as strange as the last few days and I’m just trying to keep swimming. But five years is a big deal and I want to mark it somehow.
Five years and some months ago, I had that moment in the restaurant in Anaheim that sparked this thought that maybe I wasn’t the only one. The idea took hold and grew as I talked with people about it. And then, one warm July day, as my four year old was taking a nap, I snapped a picture of myself holding the baby, and uploaded it to a new blog. And here we are.
Five years ago I was a different person, at a different place in my journey to self-love. Five years ago, the world was a little different, too. The internet changes things, makes the world smaller. Today it’s so much easier to connect with people who are going through the same things you are going through. Today it’s so much easier to find the information you need for your journey. Five years ago SOAM was just born and now it’s a staple for moms online.
I think right now we are at a sort of crossroads in this fight against society’s idea of what a woman should look like. Over the last five years I have witnessed a massive shift away from that idea. Unfortunately, I have also felt society grip that idea even stronger as it feels us pulling away. So we still have a lot of work to do before women are totally free from it, until we are free to love ourselves as we are, at every step along our own roads. But you mamas have shown me that we can do it.
So, let’s celebrate! Leave a comment here and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Fifty Nude Women which, as I’ve said before, is one of the best short films ever made. I’m also running a contest over on TIAW, so check that out and you can double your chances of winning (although I will make sure the same person doesn’t win both contests). I’ll run both contests until this Friday at midnight and I’ll announce the winners on Saturday Monday. The winners will have until midnight on Monday Wednesday to get me their addresses, or I’ll choose another winner.
UPDATE: Contest is now closed and winners announced! Thanks for participating!
Thank you, all of you. You are beautiful!
(Photos from the SOAM Flickr Pool, all submitted within the last year.)
27 Weeks Pregnant With My Fourth Baby, My First Son (Apryl)
With my first pregnancy in 1996 I was 20 years old and have hardly a handful of photos to remind myself of that first beautiful 9 months of my life when I was becoming a mother. With my second and third daughters I took more pictures, I had a digital camera by then and taking belly pictures was somewhat easier, I also had timers so I could rely more on myself than my husband or older child, to get pictures when I wanted them.
Last night I was lying in bed reading with no shirt on due to the warmer weather, feeling my son kick the mattress the way my third daughter always used to, and I reached for my camera in the hopes of getting a picture I would really like. The picture I’m sending turned out well for this particular website, I wouldn’t share a photo that includes my breasts anywhere else.
Speaking of my breasts, I have breastfed my three girls a total of 8 years and 11 months. I hope to nurse my son for 2-3 years, if he is the kind of baby who likes to nurse, my third daughter wasn’t a big nurser.
The baby I’m carrying now, my first son, has a hole in his heart, and possibly Down Syndrome, we are hoping for the healthiest possible outcome at his birth, which would include him staying with us, not needing surgery, and being able to nurse right away. His name is Adam.
I am 35 years old, this is my fourth baby, I had two miscarriages years ago at 5 and 9 weeks. I am 27 weeks pregnant right now. My girls are 14, almost 7, and 4
This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood (Maya)
~Age 34
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4.5 years, 7 months
I thought I was either going to jump out my second story window or smash all the plates in my house. I was just crazy with grief. Imagine finding out you’re pregnant with twins and losing them the same day.
I have a rare condition called incompetent cervix that means the baby is born in the second trimester. Unfortunately that’s way to early to save the baby. I was four months along when I gave birth to a little girl and boy. Immediately after their birth, I went into emergency surgery because I was hemorrhaging through the placenta.
As other people reached out to help me make sense of what happened, I found myself on a journey of self-discovery. Through all the suffering I started to recognize compassion in others regarding problems with pregnancy. It felt like the coolest balm on a hot day.
Instead of jumping out the window, I bought a punching bag. Whenever I got angry about losing the twins, I’d do a few rounds on the bag. I went back to my karate dojo. Four months after my loss, I took part in a karate tournament. Reaching small goals like that kindled a fire that I would one day hold my healthy baby in my arms.
I became pregnant with my son Samuel seven months after losing the twins. I had to get a stitch placed in my cervix to keep the baby in until the ninth month of pregnancy. The operation is called a cerclage. It was hard to go in that operating room knowing it could all end there, but everything turned out fine.
A couple years later I got pregnant by accident and miscarried at the fifth week. I had just earned my Master’s degree. It felt like a rollercoaster not being ready for the pregnancy, then wanting it to continue and grieving for it when it ended.
Three years after Sam’s birth, I became pregnant with my son Levi. The pregnancy started out with twins but the second twin miscarried – it’s called vanishing twin syndrome. I continued to read up on pregnancy and resolved to take charge of the things I could control. My doula, the midwife, the nurse and my husband helped me through a natural birth. I was walking around 20 minutes after Levi’s birth, so that was a victory after all the trouble.
My two sons are healthy and full of spit and vinegar. I love them so much. Even when they make me swear. Through this crazy road to motherhood I’ve learned to fight for the impossible one day at a time.
I’m now seven months postpartum and liking my body. I still have fitness goals I want to reach and some clothes I’d like to fit into, but I think I’m a hot mama. I accept the faded stretch marks, the soft skin on my lower belly, the bigger belly button, the stretchy breasts. I don’t want to look like a teenager all my life.
It usually takes me a year to get back into shape through jogging, aerobics, situps and pushups. I’ve learned to practice kindness toward my body, patience, forgiveness – all the good stuff I’d want from my closest friends.
Also I love food. Since I’m breastfeeding I have quite the appetite. I’m not going to take shortcuts on that delicious carrot cake or sizzling Hawaiian pizza just to be a skinny mini! Sometimes I talk to my belly – “That’s ok if you had to have two sandwiches for lunch. You’re amazing.”
Pictures:
Bathing suit before kids
Bathing suit after 2 kids
Doing the hoola after having one kid – 2 years postpartum
Belly pic after having second kid – 3 months postpartum
Sunglasses for everyone
I Finally Feel Sexy Again (Babs)
Original entries here, here, here and here.
This was my fourth pregnancy and birth, and both were extremely difficult. I suffered with moderate hyperemesis gravaridum throughout (helpHER.org), lost a significant amount of weight, muscle and nutrients and was on the edge of hospitalization and IV feeds throughout (even with extensive medicating). I also suffer with a spinal disease called ankylosing spondylitis which caused my vertebrae to fuse together from my coccyx up to my mid-back; it also causes very painful nerve damage in my hip joints and legs due to those bundles of nerves being trapped in the fusions.
The way my body changed over the course of this pregnancy felt very different than the other times: I was tired, and in a lot of pain and very sick. Toward the end I was mostly bedridden and had to push myself hard to get in a short walk a few times a week. I felt like I was falling apart, and was beginning to really hate my body: it was big and awkward, desperately sick and so, so painful. Through the last months of pregnancy I had to walk with a cane, which left me feeling very self-conscious and extremely unattractive. I felt like this pregnancy had stripped me of my femininity and sex appeal… and for the first time in my life, even with a disability diagnosis for years, I really felt disabled. On top of that, I’d had a relapse of an eating disorder shortly before becoming pregnant and was struggling hard with maintaining positive body image even before all that crap. As a result of that, I requested to not be weighed throughout my pregnancy, nor have weight used as a judgment of my health since it was such a fresh trigger. (Numbers alone are not a good, accurate diagnostic tool: your health is a big picture, and can’t be judged by a flawed BMI calculator or tiny range of “healthy pounds”. Big or small, your overall health is what is important to take care of and there is so much more to it than standing on a scale! Even with the diagnosis of hyperemesis, being weighed on a regular basis was not necessary to monitor my health and nutrition. You may have to argue with your care provider a little, but if scales and numbers are a trigger for you during pregnancy, you CAN avoid them so you can stay strong and supported).
Just three days ago now, 9 days past my due date, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My hard and fast (two hour!) labour was very difficult with the spinal fusions, and very painful, but I made it through with the wonderful support of my midwife, doula and my husband. With their love and care I was able to achieve a second home VBAC, even with my disabilities. I have to say, waterbirth helps a TON for moms with chronic pain, or spinal disabilities!! I don’t now if I’d have been able to do it without the pool.
The night after giving birth I was laying in bed with my husband watching TV shows on my laptop with our new baby sleeping between us. I was laying there, mostly naked, and looked down over my new postpartum body all squishy and deflated and realized that… I felt really good. More than that, I felt sexy! This pregnancy that was so hard on my body and made me feel stripped bare, this birth that was so hard to get through and had me screaming at the top of my lungs, they’ve both been such huge challenges but by making it out the other side I feel strong and capable and SEXY! When I went out in public earlier I didn’t feel like sucking in my stomach and hiding my middle in loose-fitting clothes. I even went out wearing a form-fitting top, proudly showing off my squishy new postpartum body so I can proclaim to everyone, “THIS is beautiful!”. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to look at my body in such a truly positive way. Even with a disability, with a history of struggling with an eating disorder, with severe illness and a very hard year that left me with a very changed body… I can be sensual and feminine and amazing. Four babies have passed through this body and left their footprints on it with stretch marks, cesarean scars, milky breasts, love handles, cellulite and weight gain… but today, just three days postpartum after my fourth birth, I feel sexier than I ever have.
I’ve posted to this site before, several times, but I never thought I’d ever have the guts to submit any images of myself fully nude. Even while I took these images through pregnancy, hoping that I’d eventually find the courage to submit (anonymously, maybe with my head cut off and my tattoo obscured! PS. that’s why my head is cut off in a bunch of these!) I didn’t really believe I’d be able to, so it brings me a lot of joy to post these (albeit still a little nervous…) and say, “I FEEL GREAT!”. Now I feel like encouraging everyone to do the same thing. Take pictures of your body, and not just any old pictures – put aside some time and experiment with taking some really nice photos. Go get some boudoir photos done if you don’t want to or can’t take your own, but whatever you do don’t neglect capturing some of your beauty… even if you feel crappy about yourself.
Despite I felt like absolute hell and hating my body through most of my pregnancy, I’m really grateful to myself that I pushed through to document my changes. I think it’s in us all to learn how to appreciate how amazing our bodies are in all their power. Just look at the incredible things they can do! Thanks to this site I found the motivation to nurture that, and I’m really glad I stuck to it.
(As a note: I’m a professional photographer, so these were taken by me with professional gear. Even though you can’t see them very well there are stretch marks and scars there, though I don’t have the type of genes that get a lot. Good quality, even lighting makes a big difference in how your skin appears in pictures. For anyone curious to experiment with their own lighting, I included a “behind the scenes” photo to show how everything was set up to take these. I used a Nikon SB800 flash mounted on a stand with a home-made beauty dish made out of a planter and some spare parts for about $12 total (instructions here: https://davidtejada.blogspot.com/2008/04/beauty-dish-for-sb-800.html), and a desk lamp pointed at the corner of the wall behind me to reduce some of the shadows. From there just experiment with the settings until you find something that looks good! I triggered my light with a radio controlled device called a Pocket Wizard, but you can just use a sync cord or one of many other inexpensive options and get the exact same results. You also don’t have to use a big fancy flash either, any will work including the cheap Vivitar 285V which runs about $90. :)
Mother of 3 (Misty)
Age: 31
3 pregnancies. 3 live births.
Children ages: 14, 12, 10 (All girls)
I am 10yrs postpartum
I am 31yrs old, and the mother of three girls, ages 14, 12, and 10. My first two daughters were born natural, and my last daughter was born by cesarean. I had my first daughter when I was 16, my second daughter when I was 19, and my third daughter when I was 21. It wasn’t until my second daughter, that I developed saggy skin on my stomach area.
This was very hard for me to deal with. I was only 19 at the time, and I felt that I was no longer sexy, and desirable. My self-esteem was affected greatly, for years to come.
I tried everything that I could to look better. I even starved myself down to 105lbs. Nothing I did, could take away the lose skin. I wanted plastic surgery so bad, but I could never afford it.
I breastfed all my children, and I had voluptuous breast at that time. But, the minute that I stopped breastfeeding, my boobs shrank to smaller than an A. This was hard for me to deal with as well. I felt that I had lost all my sexual attractiveness. I couldn’t wear anything that showed my stomach, and my breasts were too small to fit into any bras. It was very stressful.
About 1 yr ago, I gained around 30lbs, and went from 130lbs to 160lbs. The only benefit to this was that my breast got a little bigger. Currently I am trying to lose weight due to health issues.
I wish that I could say that over the years I no longer worry about my body. But, that’s not true. I have accepted the way that it is, but I don’t like it. I live in a college town, so it is really hard for me when I see all the young girls running around in the summer time. Sometimes I still feel like I’m not a woman, or sexy like other women. I feel like I missed out on having a youthful body since mine was messed up at such an early age.
I have had men say very mean and hurtful things about my body, and my body has kept me from doing a lot of things, and having confidence to do things.
But, with that all said, my children are the light of my life. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even the sexiest body in the world, or riches galore. I love you Marissa, Alanna, and Senora!!
