Today’s post pulled from Instagram:
This is what a shape of another looks about 4 weeks post-c-section. I have a ways to go especially in that low abdominal area right above my incision… But I’m proud of my body for the 9 months I’ve carried each of my healthy boys for. Our bodies are truly amazing! (Left is 38 weeks pregnant)
Motherhood changes a person internally and externally. The current societal standards do not accept the outward changes, and they don’t understand the inward ones. To become a mother is to change a person as much as metamorphosis changes a caterpillar into a butterfly. We become unrecognizable. We become beautiful.
Many times motherhood begins with a pregnancy, but as millions of mothers around the world know, that is not the only way to become a mother. And no matter what the method – adoption, birth, IVF, surrogacy – motherhood is the most incredible task we will ever face. And I know many, many beautiful women who choose not to have children by any method, and I love you for being who you are and for knowing who you are and I honor, you, too, on Mother’s Day. For being a mother to your friends or to their children or to your fur babies. Truly motherhood can look like so many different things to all of us.
And then there are mothers, like myself, who do not have mothers. Or mothers, also like myself, who have/had difficult relationships with their mothers. I know how much this can complicate your feelings about this day. I support you and I love you in all your various, conflicting, and very real, and reasonable, and perfect feelings about this day and about your mothers. As I learned while attending Al-Anon meetings many years ago, feelings are neither bad nor good, they just are. You are allowed to have many complex and conflicting and “bad” or “wrong” feelings about today. And you are allowed to talk about them today, on this day of celebration, if you need to.
So today for all the mamas holding your newborns, or calling your grown children, or waiting with baited breath to hold your own child or to hear that a child is waiting for you, for all the mamas calling your mamas, or unable to call your mamas, for all the women who do not call themselves mamas but love their mama friends and family just as fiercely, I want to wish you a beautiful Mother’s Day.
You are beautiful inside and out. Your story is beautiful through and through. Happy Mother’s Day to you, my friends.
So I know I’m behind the times on this (that’s how I roll) (as evidenced by my usage of the phrase “that’s how I roll”) but as I was going through my links for today’s post, I found this one by The Bloggess. She is my personal hero, of course. While silly, I also think this is really valuable to keep in mind in terms of body image. A thumb face selfie is one where you, like, try to make yourself look like a thumb with a face. It’s the thing these days for pretty girls to do, and not only are the funny faces funny enough to make you laugh tears, but it’s also a reminder that “pretty” is a weird concept applied to a very narrow ideal for women. So, basically, I took thumb face selfies FOR FEMINISM. YOU ARE WELCOME. And then, just for kicks, I uploaded them to how-old.net (be aware that this gives Microsoft the right to use your photos) just to see how old I am. As it turns out, my thumbiest face is that of a 22-year-old man. Because of course.
Now, ONTO THE LINKS!
Follow SOAM:
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter and Facebook.
~Participate here on SOAM.
Interesting articles from around the Web:
~I LOVE THIS KID. I think it’s so important to normalize menstruation, but there aren’t too many teenage boys who agree with that. So here’s this kid and he’s just my absolute hero.
~Miss Piggy is going to receive a feminist award! Which. Well. I LOVE Muppets and I LOVE LOVE Miss Piggy so yay! But I have to wonder if this doesn’t distract from the hard work many feminists are doing this year? (I KNOW. I feel like I have to punish myself for even saying that Miss Piggy isn’t a hard-working feminist. BAD MUPPET NERD, BONNIE.) Perhaps they could have double up on the awards this year?
On a much more somber note:
~This is heartbreaking and nauseating. I just don’t even have words for how devastating it is.
~And this isn’t much better.
See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address (theshapeofamother@gmail.com) or over on the Facebook page.
number of pregnancies and births: 1 (boy)
age:18
7 months post partum
I gave birth to a handsome and precious baby boy. He was 7 lbs and 9 oz. Right now he is 7 months old and i now know how it feels to have my heart living outside of my body. Im with him 24/7 and even though im exhausted at the end of the day, i adore every moment. The things im ddevastated about are my body and the fact that now im the typical teen mom you know? I’m 18 now but i had him at 17. I was 16 and pregnant and boy, did i suffer from nausea, vomiting, fainting, fatigue, puppp (a rash), etc. I never thought i’d be the one to get pregnant. At 14 i was in an early college taking college classes and doing high school at the same time. I just knew i was gonna be somebody. My whole family seems to have turned out succesful. There are doctors, engineers, journalists, teachers, etc. When i was barely 14 i met the man that i fell in love with and it might sound crazy and insane, but it happens. We were in a long distance for 2 years and now we are going on 4 years of being together! we have gone through hell because the long distance was so hard to deal with and no one understood that. I feel like people who go through long distance dont get enough credit. we’ve been through great and horrible times. He is a great man and I still get butterflies in my stomach when i hear him coming up the steps after a long day of work. Hes a hard worker, a great daddy and a loving future husband. But i still somehow feel like i am not enough sometimes. I was 100lbs before having our first baby with a flat tummy and overall happy. i never had to watch what i ate. Now evrrything has changed. I feel disgusting when I see my stomach and it is sad because that part of my body is what once held my son. I did an amazing thing in this world and im complaining about my body? I just feel so horribly sad when I feel so insecure and i feel like my boyfriend will eventually get bored of my body and want someone else who’s beautiful. When i was smaller i was in a Vogue magazine and sometimes id love to try to get into modeling, but then i remember how my body looks and id probably get laughed at if i went to an audition. Even though i get told all the time that im beautiful and that i look like a doll, i dont feel attractive. I am generally happy with my face and parts of my body, but then all of a sudden BAM! I get these sudden thoughts about how disgusting i feel and sometimes how fat I look. I have good days and bad days. A lot of the time i try to lie to myself that its not that bad although i know that for me, it is. I had my son in august, so since it was extremely hot, i lost weight super fast after having him. right before i had him i weighed 140 lbs! And now i am 120. But since im short i feel like it just looks like too much. Sometimes i still look pregnant and i still wear a gyrtle. When my boyfriend and I get intimate, i feel like he shouldnt look at me and i just want to hide. I want to look as sexy and beautiful as i can for him but i feel like a huge failure. Im 18 and i already Have a belly full of stretch marks and wrinkles? I feel like maybe he just acts like he loves it because he doesnt want to hurt me. The weird part that my head will not understand and sometimes the frustration makes me cry, is that he is always all over me telling me how good i look and how much he wants me, but i feel like anyone who really saw how i look will say it looks gross. My mom, sister, aunt, and mother in law all made a grossed out face when they saw my tummy after the baby. So how can my boyfriend say it looks good to him and how can he want me like he does? Anyone in their right mind would say it looks bad! When we go out somewhere and a beautiful girl walks by, my heart burns and turns into coal because i just know sometimes he might desire a girl like that. He might compare and thats what scares me. I feel so small when i see someone who looks great and they look confident and i just dont. I dont know what to do. I know working out will help, but i know i wont get a flat tummy unless i get surgery or something because my muscles are so far apart. Im actually content with my legs and stuff so if i work out, i might lose weight everywhere else, get more stretch marks, and at the end still have a hanging stomach. What do i do? I dont know, because there are bigger things to worry about but this knaws at me Every. Single. Day.
Found this on the wall at my doctor’s office. <3[/caption]
Posting here at SOAM has been sparse lately for a number of reasons, not to mention the fact that we were hacked awhile back and it's taken a few weeks to get everything back to normal. In the process the site needed a design update which my friend Jen took on because she is amazing – isn’t it gorgeous now? I have some things planned coming up to celebrate Mother’s Day and the beautiful bodies that come with it so keep your eyes open for that, mamas.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter and Facebook.
~Participate here on SOAM.
Around the Web:
~People who do not know how the female body works should cease to speak about the female body. Here’s a refresher course on what IUD’s actually are.
~A list of typical “well-meaning” statements aimed at overweight people and what they essentially translate to.
~I am here to ruin your life with the idea that Lloyd Dobbler was behaving totally inappropriately. I KNOW. My heart is also broken.
~Modcloth’s first trans model. LOVE.
~Rebel Wilson is amazing.
~And so is Pink.
~Looking for some ideas for painting your pregnant belly? Check these out!
See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address (theshapeofamother@gmail.com) or over on the Facebook page.
Reposted by request, originally posted at The Swanson Life
I miss those favorite pair of jeans.
You know the ones you put on and they feel just right. Comfortable, sexy, and accentuates your figure perfectly. Those sweet little favorites of mine have been hanging in the back of my closet, quietly awaiting the day when I can put them on again. My sad little favorite pair of jeans… still hanging… since 3 years ago.
Add to that my favorite little jackets that fit too snugly in my arms now. The tight fitted shirts that now accentuate too much of my hanging post pregnancy belly—making me look like I’m 4-5 months pregnant again. Oh and my sparkly necklaces and bracelets that I have to avoid for fear of my twin toddlers or 5 month old baby girl yanking them off my neck and wrists, strangling me in the process.
My favorites now are my black maternity leggings or stretchy yoga pants that hide the extra girth I’ve gained down under. I love flowy lose-fitted tops that hide my squishy ill-formed belly and makes it easier to nurse that sweet baby girl of mine. And to hide those sausage arms of mine I’ve resorted to ¾ sleeve cover-ups or tops that drape ever so loosely off the shoulder.
But oh how I love these sweet babies of mine.
And I would never trade these post-pregnancy issues of mine if it meant not having my sweet twin boys and happy baby girl. But man were those pregnancies ROUGH on me—in many ways—but specifically physically. Having a twin pregnancy, and then polyhydramnios with BOTH pregnancies, you can imagine how far my stomach had to stretch. Actually you don’t even have to imagine…check out these pictures!
39 weeks single pregnancy polyhydramnios
35 weeks with twins and polyhydramnios
WOW.
With these pregnancies of mine came lots of permanent changes to my body, which I’m starting to force myself to be OK with. I’m learning I’m not alone in this, that there are many women out there experiencing the same changes to their bodies after pregnancy that just won’t go away with diet and exercise. Some things that are simply not reversible. Even with the ever increasingly popular plastic surgeries that women are getting, it still may not do everything you want it to do.
And so, we need to learn to love ourselves again; our new body, our new scars, new marks and new figure—which may be our new image now. We will never be our 20 year old bodies again. Our bodies are meant to grow, reach its peak, and then meant to start the process of breaking down. I’m not saying to “let go” of yourself and give up working out and eating healthy to get back into shape again. But I think we need to be realistic of ourselves.
Maybe you are one of the lucky ones where your pregnancies were easy and your body is the same as it was before you started having babies. And maybe you look even BETTER than you did before you had kids, which is totally awesome!
BUT to those who feel like me and are struggling to gain your sense of self-esteem and beauty again when you look at your naked body in the mirror, or try on your old clothes that don’t fit or look cute on you anymore due to the toil of pregnancies—I’m speaking to you.
You’re not alone.
I’m trying to remember that my beauty is not simply on the outside. There is an inner beauty to each of us that is more important to develop and nurture than what we see on the outside. Something that won’t cripple with age but merely becomes more beautiful over time if we continue to cultivate it.
I want to be that older woman with a sparkle still in her eyes, smile lines around her face from years of laughter, strong wrinkly hands that show the hard work of motherhood—and exude a joy that surpasses any of life’s circumstances. This doesn’t happen by chance, but is a choice I have to make and continue to make daily. To love myself. And not in a narcissistic way. But love the person God has created me to be:
A mommy of twins and a baby girl—all under 2—gaining patience and strength through mothering that I never knew I had.
A woman struggling with depression but learning through Gods word and his teachings how to gain control over it instead of it controlling me.
A wife who serves her husband with thankfulness instead of discontentment with the stresses of life.
A friend who encourages and uplifts others to reach their full potential in life instead of breaking
them down by gossiping to others about their issues.
I want to be the kind of woman that exudes love to others, and in order to do that I need to begin to love myself again. I can do this best by remembering Gods love for me, that he loves me no matter what—the good and the bad. No matter how unlovable I think I am. This applies to all of you as well.
A quote from Mother Teresa, a woman with some of the greatest inner beauty, bestowing so much love to all she came in contact with, setting an amazing example, I believe for all women to follow said this…
“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”
I will keep working on my inner beauty since that is more important than what I see on the outside. However, I will still be working towards trying to fit in my favorite pair of jeans again…
Samuel 16:7 “The LORD does not look at the things [woman] looks at. [Woman] looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
One of the most popular stories here at SOAM was Kathryn’s, in which she shared photos of her triplet belly at all stages. We have become friends on Facebook over the years and recently she posted this picture. With her permission I’m sharing it here along with some of the details she wrote about it. Love this, mama. Thank you for being a voice in our community. <3
Because I was laughing at my side abs, I thought I’d share. Most, if not all, of you have seen the last belly pic from 3 months after the babies. This is 8 1/2 years later! I’ll eventually get my muscles repaired and the extra skin taken off, but I’m pleased for now.
The diastasis did not fix itself, despite doing the proper exercises, the wraps, etc…, but it usually doesn’t cause me much pain. Just really makes me look a couple months pregnant and prevents me from doing things like planks or crunches (not that I would willingly anyway…) The excess skin also, obviously, did not shrink. That is more annoying, mainly because I can get it caught in a zipper if I’m not paying attention. It gets really itchy when I’m hot and I’ve gotten a minor yeast infection in that skin before, but it’s not as bad as some women’s and I don’t have reoccuring or chronic skin issues due to the excess. Getting it fixed is really purely a vanity thing for me. It won’t change my daily life if I never do. I just always wear long non-sheer tanks or shirts because I don’t like it to be seen.
When/if I ever get it repaired, I will likely do breast implants at the same time, again for vanity. I had really big boobs before my 5th and they’re really not big, at all, now. Totally normal, of course, and it won’t bother me if I never do it. But I figure if they’re going to be cutting, might as well, lol. Just because of the super high cost of a non-covered diastasis repair and tummy tuck (around $8000, last I checked), it will be a long time yet. Probably another 10 years or so.
Also, the muscle separation and excess skin have added several inches to my waistline. Not a big deal, of course, just goes along with it. I’m at my triplet pre-pregnancy weight, but wearing 2-4 sizes bigger only because of my waist.
Whenever people go “I can’t believe you ever carried triplets! You’re so tiny!”, I always want to lift up my shirt and show them my belly, lol
Hello beautiful mommys! I found this site because I wanted to find ladies just like me. Mother’s who went through a lot physically and mentally. Woman whose bodies changed. I’m really just here to inspire some of you mama’s out there. Give you a little bit of motivation, encouragement. Here is my story. I am 21 years old and have 2 baby girls. The oldest is 2 and the youngest is 5 months. I have always been a very fit and athletic gal but during both my pregnancies I haven’t worked out or did anythjng. Tho I gained about 30 lbs e ch pregnancy my stomach has been stretched to the max and back 2 times!!! I was always self conscious about my stretch marks and body after my babies but i knew I wanted to do something about it instead of complain and weep about it. I started a new diet and workout regimen for myself and I absolutely feel better and sexier. I realized I can have stretch marks but i would rather be in shape and proud of my mommy belly. My belly was home for my girls and I wouldnt Change that for the world. I worked my ass off and hard work pays off! Though I am yet where I want to be I am proud how far I got. And I know if you open up your heart and mind you can do anything you want. Anything is ever so possible and you will become the happy healthy proud mommy for you and your kids. Just never give up hope and never settle for less ;) every mama is beautiful and the human body is truely an incredible thing. It really will amaze you on what the body can accomplish and do! If I can do it so can you just takes time, practice and patience. Whats your excuse? :)
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter and Facebook.
~Participate here on SOAM.
Around the Web:
~18 Inventions By Women that Changed the World
~This woman refused to remove her birthmark. And you know what? She’s gorgeous just as she is.
~This photo was removed from Instagram despite not breaking any rules. Why? Uteruses, man.
~There is a lot of controversy over the word “feminism” these days and most of the time I feel strongly that everyone should make a stand for feminism. But this comic has shown me that things are not quite as black and white as they might seem to me. I hope that someday the word “feminism” doesn’t alienate anyone it should protect.
~These nude portraits of women are stunning. Always remember that bodies come in so many shapes and sizes and all of them are amazing and beautiful.
~I love this.
See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address (theshapeofamother@gmail.com) or over on the Facebook page.
It’s been a crazy week and I’m so sorry I haven’t posted anything. I have a lot of great links for you today, but still no time to make up a post here. Hopefully I will get to do a makeup post on Sunday. But in the mean time I wanted to post a link to this article about a mama who lost her baby. It’s poignant and she says a lot of really important things to keep in mind. Things like the fact that there isn’t a right or a wrong way to look after a pregnancy, and that there isn’t a right or a wrong way to be a mother. Like how even if your child dies far too early you will always be a mother. And how we should stop judging each other. Take a moment today to open your mind to the experiences of others and hold them in your heart. Lift each other up, mamas.