Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

23 year old mom 18 month postpartum, 5 kids later!! (anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

hello i’m a 23 years old mother of 5 young childrens, i started having kids at the age of 14, i know i started young but i wouldn’t change it for anything in this world, now about my body i cant say the same thing, but i have 5 kids what else can i ask for? if i have to do it all over again i would do it in a heart beat, so here are picts of me 18 month postpartum 5 kids later my kids ages are 7 and under… i hate my stretch mark i have stretch mark everywhere of my body i have lose skin and all but ya know there nothing i can do but accept my body i thank god for the little blessing i have and the childrens that make my days brighter, at the end at least i can cover everything with nice clothes lol my husband love me like i am so what else can i ask for? I’m so very blessed!

Transformation (Erron)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 35 Comments

Age: 31
Number of pregnancies: Seven pregnancies, two successful
The age of my children: 2 aged 4, 1 aged 2, and 1 on the way

When expecting our first baby I remember going to my 20 week ultrasound in my regular pants. I couldn’t wait to start looking pregnant. After two years of trying, and waiting, we were finally on our way to having a baby light our house with his or her own brand of sunshine and happiness. I delighted in my pregnancy, I consciously thought out my meals, so they were balanced, I took my vitamins, exercised lightly, and, all in all, had the perfect pregnancy. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained 25 lbs and didn’t have a single stretch mark. I should have been the world’s happiest woman, except I wasn’t. Our Kate died just before she was born; our delivery room was silent when she arrived.

A week after she was born my body made that amazing Hollywood like change that would have left one guessing whether I was ever actually pregnant. I was so sad. I had absolutely nothing to show for my pregnancy. People would later tell me “Don’t tell people that you made out so well, other women will hate you with jealousy” Who ever thought it would be me jealous of those who’s pregnancies left their bodies transformed? I longed for one stretch mark to prove she had actually existed, just one tiny one. My tummy only showed signs of the baby within for a few days. The comments that, at least, I looked great at the funeral where a slap in the face, really is that what you chose to say, did I really look great?

The truth is we’re all made up of different genetic material. I went on to have twins and another singleton, and amazingly enough I still have no stretch marks. I ate no special diet and slathered no expensive creams on my belly. My body springs back quite quickly, with no miracle exercise regime. I’m lucky, I guess. Nursing three babies exclusively (yep you can nurse twins and never have to supplement, women you are equipped and powerful) have left my, never were A cups, in somewhat dismal shape. My hips have always been a bit on the largish side leaving my upper body super out of proportion. I don’t love the way I look, but it’s how I’ve been remolded.

Some of us will go to accept, and eventually love our bodies, others will not, opting instead to change the outside to better live in their skins. Instead of either group working to make the other one feel bad, or less valuable. Let’s open our eyes to the bigger transformation, the one that takes no physical form, the metamorphosis we make from women to mothers. I love watching my friends embark on the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. I fascinate at the changes these women are able to make within their character to make way for a new being. This is our biggest change, and it is our most remarkable undertaking. No matter who we are on the outside, we all want the same thing for our children, room to grow, happiness, and love. How we provide that, is as diverse as our physical appearance.

I know now that no mark would make Katie more remembered, she lives within me, my husband, and my children. I have grown as a mother in many challenging ways starting with stillbirth, then having a son who works harder than most to overcome Autism, and it’s many challenges to him and to our family, also by having two other little girls who are seeking to find their roles and carve out their spots in our family, and by the three other early losses all at varying times in my life. Pregnant again, I wonder, if there is any room left for me to grow, but I know the growth of a mother is ever expandable. I wear my stretch marks on my heart, you can’t see them with your eyes, but ask me to show them to you, and I will share the stories that have changed my shape in seemingly impossible ways.

Embrace yourself as a mother, whether able to stand naked in front of a mirror boldly and love yourself, or as a woman who feels more comfortable undressing with the curtains tightly closed with the lights off, and do not forget to embrace other mothers whether they share your sense of self or not.

081809-erron-1
Holding Katie’s hand

081809-erron-2
Twin Tummy

Michaela Marks (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Hips, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

I’ve been visiting this site on and off over the past year. I happened upon it one day when I was trying to see if there was anyone else out there who was struggling with body changes, due to pregnancy, on the web.

How much more perfect can you get than this site?! This site has really helped me realize that I’m actually quite normal in how my body looks post pregnancy. I have a lot of stretchmarks … that’s the only thing I don’t like about my body. But, over the past year, I’ve gained encouragement by reading other people’s stories … especially those who are proud of their marks. I want to be too. I am striving everyday to get to the point where if someone saw my marks in a derogatory way I’d be able to say … “What about them? … You got a problem … you don’t need to look”! :)

In fact … I often call them “Michaela Marks” because that’s my daughter’s name. She left me cute little marks to remind me of when she was in my tummy. When I’m old, gray, no longer able to have children and vanity is considered for what it is … nothing more than a smokescreen … I’m going to love being able to see these marks on my tummy and hips. They represent love- Michaela is the love of my life.

I posted on here right after my daughter was born, 15 months ago, but wasn’t quite ready to share pictures. However, since I’ve gained so much encouragement by looking at other people’s pictures, I thought it was only fair to share some of my own. Hopefully it will encourage someone else to know that they are normal and not alone in their body changes.

I just stopped breast feeding too … and let me tell you … the boobs aren’t what they used to be! I’m 34 and look like I’m 12 in that department. It’s kind of funny though! That doesn’t bother me too much.

I really hope that this site becomes more and more popular so that people in our society can become more and more realistic, and through that less critical, about post pregnancy bodies. There’s so much going on in this world – why do we waste so much time worrying about our physical appearance anyway? Although I’m guilty of it myself … it’s a very selfish thing to be consumed by don’t you think?

So here’s some snaps of me! The Michaela Marks, depending on the light, are sometimes more prominent than in these shots.

Updated here.

1 1/2 Years PP After Twins (Fraternal Twin Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 18 Comments

Previous entry here.

Age during delivery: 32
Current age: almost 34
Number of pregnancies: 1
Age of twins: 1 1/2

I posted a short blurb a while ago about my experience, but I didn’t really get to elaborate on my story because I’m pretty sure one of my boys needed my attention at the time! At 8w3d I found out I was pregnant with twins. I remember the U/S tech saying to me “I have something special to tell you! It’s twins!” Joy was not the first thing that came to me. The first thing I blurted out was, “Oh god. I’m definitely going to have stretch marks now!” I didn’t escape getting them, but they are very faint. I got them 1 1/2 weeks before I had my c-sec! I was up for two night worrying about them. Lame, I know. I worked out the entire time during my pregnancy and gained 25 pounds. I’m only 5’2 and started out at 104 pounds so 25 extra pounds on my frame was a lot..and my back..my poor back! Ouch. At 33 weeks I went into what they thought was pre-term labor and was sent to the hospital for over night observation. Up until then, I had no problems. I would have a contraction and Baby B’s heartrate would drop very low. This happened a couple of times and the doctors and nurses thought that he was pulling on the umbilical cord. Little prankster! :) At 37 weeks the doctors decided that I have a c-section because the placenta was wearing out. One baby was breech, so I could not have a natural birth. I’m actually fine with having a c-section. It’s what I wanted. Little did I know how painful recovery was going to be! Both my boys were born at healthy weights (for twins) at 5.13 and 4.12 and they went home with me. I’m still working on my body and have just started doing transverse abdominal exercises to flatten/tighten the lower half of my abs. I did get slight muscle seperation so getting my abs back is going to be a challenge. I don’t know why I’m just NOW (1 1/2 years later!) working on my abs. I’m still VERY self conscious about my stomach and I hate my stretch marks but I’m learning to accept them. I even threw out all my bikinis! I’d love to have a 3rd baby, but I’m scared to death as to what it put my body through. It’s been a constant struggle. I am back down to my prepregnancy weight of 104, but I’m still a work in progress…mentally.

1st pic- 1 1/2 years PP
2nd pic- 1/2 years PP
3rd pic- New Years and about 35 weeks (sorry about the face..haha I was very uncomfy!)
4th pic- Mother’s Day 2009
5th Pic- My boys at 18 months

Not Feeling so Confidant (Shaylene)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 19 Comments

I wasn’t ever the thinest person around. Im 5’2 and I was 160 lbs before I had given birth to my son. I gain 29 Lbs during the pregnancy and gained a few stretch marks which I am not bothered by. I have never been confident in the way I look. And lately i’ve been getting worse. I had my son April 17, 2009 and I thought I would be fine with my body afterwards seeing how it had been my childs life source, and it had created my son. But I just don’t feel good in my body. I am now 3 months Post. And am currentlyat 159 lbs. My fiance tells me im sexy and look the best I have ever looked, but I just don’t feel it myself. I just don’t know what to do so I feel good about myself.. Im confused. Im 19 years old and I feel I should look alot better than I do right now.

1st pic – Days before giving birth
2nd pic – 3 months pp front
3rd pic – 3 months pp side
4th pic – My lovely son Aspen :)

Twin Tummy, 5 yrs Post-partum (Anonymous 83)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins 18 Comments

I’m 33 now, our oldest son is 8 and the twins (boy & girl) are 5. Both pregnancies were term and all babies big and healthy (Oldest son – 8lbs, 9oz…twin daughter – 6lbs, 9oz…twins son – 7lbs, 6oz). Twins had to be induced at 40 weeks + 1 day (40 weeks is term for twins)… I was fortunate not to need a c-section and the deliveries were safe, and uneventful (except that it was x2 !). I was so proud of myself for carrying the twins so long and growing them so big and healthy inside me. Never even considered what that massively stretched tummy might look like after they vacated. Hmmm.

My pride for creating and delivering 3 healthy kiddos outweighs my vanity when I consider how my stretchy tummy came to be. But I don’t think of my loose skin and stretch marks are ‘badges of honour’ — I would be quite happy to be rid of them soon (I’m saving for a tummy tuck and hope to have it completed before I am 40)… just as one wouldn’t think twice about getting braces for a child with badly aligned teeth… I don’t think there is anything wrong with altering your body to better represent how you feel about yourself (I don’t feel like a woman with a poochy tummy — I still feel like a hot mama!). But until I change my tummy, this is what it looks like…I don’t mind it… I don’t mind my husband and kids seeing it, I don’t mind sharing it with other moms. But it’s not the way I want the rest of the world to see me, so I wear clothes that keep it under wraps and lord knows NO BIKINIS!

Counting my blessings & keeping it in perspective (but still checking myself out in the mirror :)

081209-anon83-1

Scars of a Mother are Like No Other (Roz)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I would like to start this of by saying this website is an amazing place for all types of women and mothers to be joined as one without the cruelties we face in this world day by day…

i was 16 when i became pregnant with my daughter. i was scared because i wanted to go to college and become a forensic scientist and i knew i would have to set that back for a while to become a mother. gratefully the father was excited. even tho he was apart of my life he made it hell. he stressed me out, we argued so much through out my pregnancy and i never felt so low in my life. i begged him to change and be a family. it came to the point i had to leave him because i was in and out of the hospital in pre-term labor and i ended up giving birth to her 1 month early. eventually he got his act together and changed when he saw his daughter being born and we have been together for 4 years now. .my daughter is now 2 years old and boy she is a little fire cracker. i had such a good pregnacy. i had no sickness at all i didnt start showing until i was 6 monthes pregnant. i had no strethmarks until i was 33 weeks pregnant. i thought at first i didnt have many until i actually gave birth and looked in the mirror. when i looked in the mirror i saw a 17 year old girl who had not finish high school yet with no clue what she was going to do now that her child was out of her womb. i was also scared to end up a statistic. thankfully i finished high school i took a course for cardio vascular ultra sound to make money quicker to put my self through forensic school, and now i am goin to start school for forensic patholegy. dispite all those concerns my biggest one was my body. i danced since i was young and did gymnastic as well as play sports. i always hated my body dispite the fact it was beautiful, but now i had every reason to never want to look in a mirror again. i was so excited about my baby being in my arms i knew then wat the love of a mother truly was and it is something u cannot explain because it goes beyond the word love. i cryed everyday once home from the hospital because of my stretch marks. all the young girls who had children who went to school still stayed with th ere flawless body’s and i thought why me. i hated them for not having stretch marks when there bellys were so big and i had such a tiny belly and i did everything to prevent the marks. i was scared ppl would ask me if i had them because i didnt want to hear negative feedback. i was young and i saw how men talked about women and there body’s and how they like women to be and i was no longer that i thought. now 2 1/2 years later i have learned that it is not the end of the world and i shouldnt care what the world or men think. i have to love me and my body because this body did what no man could ever do and that was create life. there is nothing greater than being a mother and have a part of you walking the earth. i would like to say thank you, because reading your storys have helped me look at my self and say ” ur beautiful”.

~20
~1pregnacy and birth
~i am a curvy mommy and proud
~these are photos of me and my baby girl saiyuri

Perfection Has Changed My Body (Becca)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 15 Comments

Your Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2yrs, 8 months.

Perfection has taken the name of Zachary. He is my whole world. He is my strength, my courage, my rock. My reason for waking in the morning, and my prayers at night. He has helped me to discover myself as a person, and my purpose in this life. He has carried me through the hardest of times(never realizing it), and never once has taken me for granted. Loves me for me, and can hug away any tear that I may cry, always replacing it with the biggest of smiles.
I am 2 1/2 years PP and it is still very hard to look at myself in the mirror and except the changes that my body have gone through to create PERFECTION.
I have my strong days, where I have the confidence to wear a BIKINI! I have my weak days where I would rather wear a large sweatshirt to hide any possible sign of my stretched out stomach.
Why is it that we have such a low self opinion of ourselves? Why is that we look at our tummies, our breasts, and in my case, legs, and think that we are disgusting, ugly, repulsive…
If we could only look past the strechmarks and skin, past all of this to the beautiful little one looking up at us with wonder and excitement in his eyes, then it will all make sense! Every mark, every inch of loose skin, every new nook and cranny. We did it for them!
Don’t look at yourself as being ugly, NO! Look at yourself as loving. We are how we are because we love them. Self sacrifice to create our own version of perfection. Every mark tells a story of the little boy who has taught me so much. And I love these marks, for allowing me to have experienced my very own personal lifetime of perfection.<3 [gallery]

Struggling to Accept My Body’s Changes (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo 16 Comments

My Age: 29
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
7 Months Postpartum

I was 27 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was 28 when I delivered him. My husband was 28 as well. I had separated from the military, married my husband, and gotten pregnant all within 8 months so to say my life was changing is an understatement! My husband was (and still is) on active duty in the military. We found out shortly after our first ultrasound at 9 weeks that he would be deploying overseas. He left at 15 weeks and was gone up until 3 weeks before our son arrived. It was very tough to be pregnant with no family around and only 1 or 2 friends for support. I also lost my grandfather during this time. I believe that everything going on during the pregnancy, as well as the circumstances directly afterward, set me up for postpartum depression.

My water broke 4 days before my due date around 10 pm. We went to the hospital first thing the next morning because my contractions weren’t picking up on their own. I wanted a natural childbirth and I was devastated when I ended up on pitocin. My husband didn’t understand how important natural childbirth was for me and he didn’t support me in trying to get that in a hospital setting. I was on pitocin for 9 hours until I asked for the epidural. It was 8 more hours before our son was born. The staff kept pushing a c-section because it had been so long since my water had broken, but I refused and I am so glad I did at least get the vaginal birth I had hoped for.

I had gotten breast implants in 2006, they were put in via an incision around the nipple and placed under the muscle. I was curvy on the bottom and always felt out of proportion. I felt so good about my breasts and my body after the surgery. The plastic surgeon had assured me I’d be able to breastfeed one day and my OB told me the same. I was again devastated when that wasn’t the case. My right breast functioned but my left did not. I barely produced any colostrum and later could only get a small bit of breastmilk from the left, about a quarter ounce at the most. My son would scream and scream when I put him on the left breast from frustration at sucking and not getting enough out. I ended up supplementing because of this, I didn’t feel confident that he could get adequate milk from the right side only.

The first 3 months postpartum I struggled hard with body acceptance issues and postpartum depression. I weighed 145 when I left the military and started gaining weight from having a sedentary job and not exercising. I was 160 when I got pregnant and weighed 205 at delivery. The first 2 weeks postpartum I dropped 15 pounds. I had expected to lose more right away and felt there was something wrong with me when it didn’t happen. I was stuck there at 190 until the end of February (that’s when I started trying much harder to drop pounds) and I felt disgusting because of it. I wore sizes that made me ashamed because I couldn’t shop in the sections or stores that I used to. My husband didn’t look at me the same way either and didn’t even try to help me feel better (we’re now going through couples counseling for many issues we’re having). I felt so guilty that I couldn’t exclusively breastfeed. We had moved at 6 weeks postpartum to a new duty station where I knew no one so I felt even more isolated and lonely. I began to feel angry all the time, I cried frequently, I told family and friends I hated my life. I lashed out at my husband and even started to resent my baby and feel angry at him because in my head it seemed like he caused so much of it all. I realized things weren’t right and went to my doctor. I started taking medication for postpartum depression, stopped breastfeeding completely, and saw a counselor. I felt much better almost immediately, I’m off medication today but I wish I had started it sooner.

I’m 7 months postpartum now and weigh 170. My goal is to reach 145 again, that was my weight in the pre-pregnancy pictures. I don’t know if it will ever happen or not, right now I’d be satisfied with losing another 10 or 15. I still have a stigma attached to the sizes I have to buy. I’m nowhere near fitting into any of my old stuff and I hate buying new clothes until I lose more weight. I realize my body has changed – my butt, hips, and thighs are wider, I have back fat that made me go up in bra size, the pooch on my tummy shows through my shirts – but I don’t know yet how to come to grips with that. I have tons of clothes in storage that I’ll probably never wear again, that’s the worst part because I had a great wardrobe. Even if I do lose all the weight I’d like to, he shape of my body has changed so much that the old clothes won’t fit right anyway. Maybe one day I’ll be okay with this, I’m continuing to work on self-acceptance. For now I’m happy that I get to be mommy to a beautiful, smart and fun little boy!