Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

I Love My Body Now (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

I have always had body issues, as many women do. I always thought I was fat, even when I wasn’t. I never felt that I had a beautiful body, I had too many stretch marks, my tummy was too big, etc. When I became pregnant with my daughter, I weighed 180 lbs. I was 20 lbs. more then I felt ‘okay’ at. I had some morning sickness through the first 4 months and only gained 3 lbs. Then, the morning sickness subsided, and I started to eat. I loved being pregnant. I loved the way my body looked. I felt beautiful. I loved feeling my big tummy and feeling my daughter move. I loved how large and full my breasts became. I was in love with every inch of my body. By the time I went to my final check up, two weeks late, I weighed 238 lbs. The number scared me a little, but I was pregnant and didn’t even consider that at a moment very soon, I would no longer be pregnant. When my daughter was born, and the few weeks afterward, I didn’t have the time or energy to criticize my body. I was also so proud of how strong I was to be able to carry and deliver a life. There finally came a moment where I looked in the mirror and realized that I was huge, and no longer pregnant. For a moment, I hated my body. But I realized that I didn’t want to be that kind of role model for my daughter. I knew she would be more likely to hate and criticize her body if she watched me do the same. I also realized I wanted to be a good example of health, including having healthy eating habits. When my daughter turned 6 weeks old, I joined Weight Watchers and between that and breast feeding, I was able to get down to 152. While my body is not ‘perfect’ by the standards of our media, I love it more now then I ever have before. I finally came to realize how strong and capable my body is, how strong and capable I am. I was able to carry and nourish a life outside of my own. And this website also helped. I was able to look at other women, whose bodies are not that much different than mine, and see how beautiful all of these women are. Thank you.

-31 years old
-2 pregnancies, 1 birth
-1 daughter, 3 1/2 years old, 3 1/2 years PP

011310-anon-1

Mom shocked by diagnosis (Penelope)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Children with Health Complications, Mom over 30, NICU, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

Age 30

Hello Well my name is Penelope and I am a mom of 3 beautiful children. My oldest daughter is 7 with a normal pregnancy and birth my second daughter is 3 with a normal 40 week pregnancy and birth. But after She had not passed the meconium and the doctors noticed her belly was veiny and distended they rushed her to the OR at 12 hours old. She under went surgery to remove the meconium that had hardened in her intestine. While she is recovering in the NICU my husband daughter and I play the waiting game,finally the surgeon comes to tell us that they suspect Cystic Fibrosis is the culprit in all of this. What is that ? We were both blown away , we had no idea what all this meant. It was confirmed after genetic testing that she did in fact have Cystic Fibrosis. I was in tears for about 3-4 months after that. She was released from the NICU at 3 months old…..My husband and I always wanted a lot of kids, but after this shocker, we didn’t feel right bringing another baby with a life threatening disease into the world. Although we felt strongly about this we were happy to find I was pregnant again!!!:) We wanted to know right away if the baby had CF. I underwent a CVS test and the test revealed the baby was free and clear of all CF genes and was not even a carrier. And it’s a Boy!!! So much stress went into that test we had to wait 12 weeks before we could take it and another 2 weeks for the results…..Anyway long story short, my little girl is doing well .With with all her therapies and feeding problems she is a normal energetic kid…… We are so blessed, Have never looked back and keep moving forward:)

These pics are 18 months post partum
7 year old girl
3 year old girl
18 month old boy

Long Journey (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 25
# of pregnancies:1
#of births:1
6 mo. PP.

I had my son 6 months ago after gaining an astonishing 65 lbs while pregnant with him. I’ve struggled all of my life to keep weight off, and stay “attractive” so I was blown away at how hormones and the miracle of pregnancy can really change your view on things! I probably took things a little far, eating cake every night in jubilation at my newfound guilt-free eating…but it’s worked out okay.

I had a 46 hour labor, and finally got an epidural 45 minutes before he was ready to be born…I had an uncomplicated delivery…and was surprised when I came home to find that after giving birth to a 7lb 6oz baby that I only weighed 4 lbs less than I did at check in! (which was 182). I stayed at this weight for a good 2 weeks because I couldn’t lose the water weight from the epidural…I visited the Dr a couple of times to make sure there were no complications…but it was just my body’s way of dealing with the medication…to give me horrible edema that took another 6 weeks at LEAST to completely subside.

Now I’m at a solid 138, 6 months later. I didn’t push myself, I just walk around a lot and avoid cake ;) I’m kind of glad that it’s been a slow weight loss because the only stretch marks I have are right above where I got my bellybutton pierced…not bad at all. I also started doing meditation yoga in the mornings for 20 minutes which will tone those flabby arms RIGHT up! Anyway, the first pic is 19 weeks pregnant (I didn’t show for AWHILE!), the pregnant ones are one week before I gave birth, and the lingerie and bathroom picture are from yesterday. Women’s bodies are AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Go team!!!!!

Ode To My Scar (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Update 29 Comments

I posted when I was 3 weeks postpartum about my feelings following a cesarean, and I wasn’t planning on posting again until I’d made some progress on my body, but I have had some thoughts that I would like to share (especially considering I’ve read several dissatisfied Cesarean mommy posts lately).

As much as I hated the necessity of a cesarean, I am somewhat fond of my scar. It’s very smooth (though still red), and aside from some numbness, doesn’t bother me at all—no stiffness or pulling. Sometimes I like to run my fingers over the smoother skin along the scar and remember the day I got it, the day I got to meet my sweet baby girl.

Anyhow, this is what I thought about: C-section scars are very unique. They are the only type of scar that is instantly recognizable (no other surgery causes an incision in the same place, same size, every person, every time). They are the only scar whose creation saved two lives instead of one. And they are a physical sign of a mother’s willingness to do anything for her children—even go under the knife.

A cesarean scar is a reminder that all of the planning in the world can’t make things go the way you want it to. It is a reminder that children will do what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. For those who avoided stretch marks, it can be a physical reminder of how your body sheltered and grew a baby all those months. And it is a souvenir of one of the happiest days of a mother’s life.

It occurred to me that a cesarean scar is kind of like a badge of membership in an exclusive club. Sure, we might not all have stories about where we felt that first contraction, or how long labor lasted, or how long we pushed (though some do), but we have birth stories of a different type. We did what we had to to make sure our children got here safely, and that’s what really matters. So, yes, I like my scar quite a bit, and I’m glad I’ll always have it to remind me of all of these things.

(As a follow-up to my last post, I’m doing much better with my feelings about the cesarean. I am very positive I can have a VBAC next time—unless #2 is also breech!—and that confidence has helped to dispel any lingering feelings of loss. The only time I’ve felt bad about it in the last month or two was when a friend had a 10 lb. baby vaginally, and I thought “why is that she can do that, and I couldn’t even deliver my 6 ½ pounder?” But I got over it quickly because I know my time will come. Now my only problem is waiting 3 years to find out if I can actually do it!)

My age: 25
One pregnancy, one birth
4 months +1 week postpartum (19 weeks)

Pictures (sorry they’re awkward close-ups, but I figured if I was going to write all about my scar, I needed to include pictures of it!):
My incision 1 day post-partum (for comparison–sorry it’s kind of blurry)
My scar today (19 weeks post-partum)
My little girl, because I love sharing pictures of her!

Updated here and here.

3 Months Postpartum – 2nd Pregnancy (Rachel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Back, Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Update 15 Comments

Original entries here and here.

Since I already have belly pics from both my first and second pregnancy on this site, these are all postpartum. As always, I welcome emails at rachelsigfried@yahoo.com. I’d also like to give a special thanks to Bonnie for blessing us with this site.

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~How far postpartum you are: 3 months

I did it! 9 Months PP Minus 60 Pounds! (Elissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Anonymous
Age of pregnancy: 22
Age now: 24

Previous entry here.

I just posted at 8 Months PP I had 5 pounds to go. Well, I made my goal 9 months pp! For all you ladies with those annoying women in your life that tell you what you need to do to lose your weight and constantly tell you how you should do it…Don’t listen…Do what works for you. I had a friend who gained about 42 pounds and lost it all within 5 months. She was a size 3 when she was 6 months PP and I was watching her try on clothes in a wheelchair at 36 weeks pregnant. LOTS OF FUN FOR ME! At 4 months PP she tried to get me to go on walks and do P90X with her. I had a C-Section and I still didn’t feel like my body was ready. P90X works but it killed my recovering body and after 15 minutes of doing it I wouldn’t do it again. I was so sore! My friend informed me that if I wanted to lose my weight I needed to eat fat burning foods…My friend didn’t breastfeed and I did…I started trying what she told me to do because I was in a rut…Well, I kept getting migraines and was getting really sick. I had to go to the doctor and they told me not to starve myself and eat lots of protien and enough carbs…DON’T LISTEN TO those know it all friends, they don’t help and take you off of what was working for you. Our bodies are all completely different and we will lose weight at the pace our body wants to lose it. My body isn’t what it once was, and my butt doesn’t seem to want to perk up for me…But I love it. I am finding that I grow to love my pooch on my tummy more and more because that’s where my daughter lived for 9 months. If anyone needs any pointers I will be glad to help with advice on what worked for me. I LOVE my food and eating right wasn’t even a challenge for me because I still ate yummy food, just ate the right amounts and watched my calorie intake. I also splurged on strawberry frozen yogurt. Good luck ladies, I know how it feels when you’re first starting out with the new baby and new body. It took me 9 months!

Updated here.

Not What I Expected! (Roo)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Preg. and Births: 1
4 months postpartum

I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I became pregnant in November of 08. Whoo was I surprised!!! I was so scared and happy at the same time. I had a very hard pregnancy, not because of health…but because my boyfriend was not happy. It still upsets me that I wasn’t able to share my happiness and excitement with him, talk about our future son, shop for baby things etc. We stayed together…which is still unbelievable to me. I didn’t know until the day I had our son if he was going to be around or not. I’m still not sure what made him decide to stick around, but I’m glad he did. He loves our little boy more than anything : ) Anyway, before I had our little boy I modeled. Most of what I modeled was swimsuits for Tease Um bikini. I thought my pre-pregnancy body would snap right back. Boy was I wrong! I have some stretch marks and loose skin. I feel so gross. I’m not really dealing with this very well. I don’t think my bf finds me very attractive anymore. I don’t know, I guess I’ll get used to it. All I know is that my baby was and is worth every imperfection I have now.

Update: 3 Years, 3 Surgeries and 3 Kids Later (Val)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Complications in Pregnancy, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean), Twins, Update 9 Comments

Original entry here.

My kids are now almost 3 and the twins are 19 months old! We have moved to a new town and I struggle with continuing to lose weight. I am now at 182 lbs, but part of it has been gaining muscle! I do 30-40 mins of Tae Bo 4-5 times a week. Eat smaller meals (and HEALTHIER meals) and even though I havent seen the change on the scale I HAVE seen the change in my body. I dont know if Ill ever lose the loose skin, But clothes that were tight on me 3 months ago now look great! (I am in a size 12-13! Size 2 at Fashion Bugg :D WOO HOO!) I had bought a body slimmer and now I can wear my dress clothes without it! I have learned that being a little hungry is ok and how to keep myself motivated. I keep coming back here for motivation and it helps sooo much!

I have also found a great doctor that has put me on BC (should be doubly protected right?) and it has leveled out hormones and has aided in the weight loss. That and I found I was MASSIVELY vit. D deficient. My three year old is in the last photo.

So thank you Shape of a Mother! You have helped me stay motivated!

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 preg 3 births

Update – 18months PP 38 weeks pregnant (Berni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

Age – 20

I originally posted around 3 months after the birth of my son, and again when I was 6 and a half month postpartum. Around the time of my last post I’m ashamed to admit I became very depressed about my body and started to make myself sick, thankfully I realised how stupid I was being and only did it a few times. Slowly I came to accept my body although I still had some very down days. I especially hated the wrinkles on my stomach, the weird belly button and although faint the millions of stretch marks. I also seem to have a massive gap between my stomach muscles.

At 10 months post partum I weighed around 128lbs at just under 5’8 (around 7lb less then my pre-pregnancy weight).I remember thinking I was still fat but I look back now and I can see now that I was very slim. I then discovered that I was pregnant again. I am now 38 weeks pregnant (EDD 12/12/09) with a baby girl we think we will call Lilac. I have gained 35lb so far which is a fair deal less than last time. I’m planning a water HBAC .

I really hope I can come to accept my body as it is now I’m having a daughter as I’d hate to pass on any body image issues to her.

The first pic is 10 months PP
The second pic is also 10 month PP
The third pic is 10 months PP
The fourth pic 33 weeks pregnant with number 2
The fifth pic is now (38 weeks pregnant with number 2)
The sixth pic is me and my son (18 months)

Updated here.

Feeling Destroyed (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Complications During or After Birth, Complications in Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 46 Comments

second pregnancy
first child
4 and a half months post partum
26 yrs old.

to start off , i love my daughter with everything that i have.. she makes me smile and laugh and feel complete.. she is the reason i get up in the morning these days..
now.. she is my second pregnancy but first to term. about 3 months before i got pregnant with her i had to terminate my first pregnancy due to major complication.. not being over that and getting pregnant again so soon took a toll on me emotionally… my husband was shocked and well kind of supportive.. i was excited.. but scared a i didn want to have to go through that kind of loss again.. lucky for all of us this pregnancy went better… i got horrible morning sickness and couldnt eat.. about the third month in my appitite came back and i started to enjoy eating again.. the first actual meal i finished was with my husbands family. i asked for seconds and my father in law oinked at me and called me a pig and told me to keep eating… wow i felt beyond humiliated.. time went on and i started to show.. thinking that that was a one time comment i tried to let it go.. iwas visiting with my hubby his father again.. the first thing he said to me was wow your getting fat… you would think that beingas i am his grand daughters mom he would have some respect.. these sorts of things continued.. my relationship is far from perfect and people say i should leave but i dont know if im willing to give up on my family.. my husband has said some harsh things as well.. like how long to you plan on carrying your baby weight around and when i started to balloon due to sever water retention told me that he thought stretch marks were discusting.. i know i sound like i am rambling but there are so many hurtful feelings i need to get out i cant make them make sense.. so fast forward, i get home from the hospital.. my daughter being 11 days late induced, with 22 hours hard labour forcepts and epesiotomy… it was rough and i felt it.. now pre pregnancy i was 115 pounds in the best shape of my life… i ended up 190 stretchmarks from knees to boobs .. the first words out of my father in laws mouth were holy tits and something about being fat.when i breastfeed he asks if its an all you can eat buffet.. hi this is after spending 3 days in the hospital.. thanks … after a teary first week i was feeling awesome i was happy, to tired to care about my body and loving my daughter more than anything.,… things started to go down hill from there.. i continued to bleed very heavily and my epesiotomy got very infected.. i got really sick.. i had no help either… i tried my damndest to cope … now at around a month and a half post partum my epesiotmy burst again and still bleeding and feeling like a fat ass, i was blessed with getting diagnosed with herpes simplex 1 from my husband. funny i thought you were supposed to be faithful to the woman carrying your child.. ppd hit with the force of a mack truck.. i wanted to die, i felt ruined and dirty and discusting.. my wieght wasnt going down, my body was scared, my boobs saggy celulite everywhere and that wonderful gift to top it.. now if there was support or anything less than emotional or verbal abuse, i couldnt find it.. i cried all day everyday.. couldnt take care of my kid and was an all around mess.. life .. love family wasnt supposed to be like this.. i wasnt supposed to feel like this… its now 4 and a half months pp.. i cant shop for clothes wihout getting depressed and crying.. i am stuck a t 150 with back fat huge saggy boobs, stretch marks everywhere and hsv1… my husband looks at women and picutes of perfect women and tells me how hot and sexy they are.. i cry and he doesnt get it.. he tells me he is with me not my stretch marks.. he gets mad when i tell him i feel ruined.. i hate sex now and i used to enjoy that closeness… i wont let him tough my body and cringe at the thought of it… i have never in my life felt like such a discusting piece of crap.. (by the way his fave term for me is a stupid piece of shit).. i know i should leave and find love for myself again.. but who wpuld love someone who is soo deeply scared and has hsv1… i am in couceling trying to fix my emotional self and i go to the gym but i dont know what to do anymore.. i am do sorry for the nonesence written, but i needed to get it out .. i feel so alone and un loveable..