Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Feminist Friday 3.25

Bonnie (SOAM) Feminist Fridays , , , , , 0 Comment

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Follow SOAM:
~Participate here on SOAM.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

In the SOAM community right now:
~Join in on our weekly photo project.
~Participate in our very special, collaborative ten-year anniversary video!
~Giveaway!
~Join our mailing list for the best way to keep up to date!

Weekly Awesome:
~Good morning, have some snarky feminist commentary that will give you the giggles.
~Love this beautiful photo series of working moms. <3 ~John Oliver on International Women’s Day last week. If you haven’t seen this yet, it’s golden.
~And don’t forget to check out the Mid Drift Kickstarter. They’re already almost halfway with more than half the month to go!

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address (theshapeofamother@gmail.com) or over on the Facebook page.

Mid Drift Documentary Update

Bonnie (SOAM) Mid Drift Movement, News 0 Comment

middriftcoloringbook

I posted this in the FF Roundup yesterday, but wanted to give it extra mention here because it’s so exciting! The good folks over at Mid Drift have a Kickstarter going right now to buy film equipment to get this project going. As thank-you gifts they have a ton of cool stuff, but my favorite one (naturally) is the postpartum body image coloring book. HOW COOL IS THAT? Awesome!

So go check it out and throw a little money at them if you can. It’s a good cause. <3

Feminist Fridays 3.18

Bonnie (SOAM) Feminist Fridays, News , , , , , , , , 0 Comment

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Follow SOAM:
~Participate here on SOAM.
~TIAW on Tumblr, Pinterest and Facebook.
~SOAM on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube.

In the SOAM community right now:
~Join in on our weekly photo project.
~Participate in our very special, collaborative ten-year anniversary video!
~Giveaway!
~Join our mailing list for the best way to keep up to date!

I want to start doing these again. For those who are newer, SOAM used to have a sister site called This is a Woman and I’d do these weekly roundups of inspiring/angering/otherwise important links relating to women in one way or another. I did them here for awhile, too, but you know how Life tends to get in the way and makes Stuff not happen? Yeah. That. But there’s too much information out there that needs to be shared so I’m giving it another go. Technically, I want these to happen on Fridays, but last Friday turned out to need to be delegated to Other Stuff and you know we just did a theme on imperfection in the #soamweeklyphoto so…

Weekly Awesome:
~Mid Drift has a Kickstarter going with a SUPER COOL postpartum beauty body image coloring book you’ll get if you donate. Go chip in a little because we need to work together to change the world for mamas of today and tomorrow.
~I found this article on different patterns of female orgasm extremely interesting and enlightening. According to science, there are three general patterns of female orgasm, and only one of those three is the kind typically portrayed in the media. This, along with the actual anatomy of the clitoris, should be taught in every sex ed class in high schools.
~This is a pretty hilariously empowering response to an unfortunate fat-shaming ad.
~This news is two years old, but always relevant. Ask yourself if you feel uncomfortable with the word “cunt” and if so, you might want to consider why it’s so much more offensive than “dick”.
~Feminist snarkasm is my favorite snarkasm. This one is about “for her” pens. Not PENIS. PENS.
~This whole article is so powerful. It will make you rethink your body. It will also make you want to sext all your friends (no, really. Read the article and you’ll see what I mean.)

See something that belongs in the Feminist Fridays? send it to me either at my email address (theshapeofamother@gmail.com) or over on the Facebook page.

Week 10: Imperfection

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News, PTSD, SOAM Weekly Photo 0 Comment

(Before I go on, take a second to go and join our mailing list for a chance to WIN FREE THINGS! Also, you know, so you can stay on top of all the awesome stuff happening here at SOAM this year.)

(And one more thing – go check out this announcement for details on the main project of SOAM’s anniversary year!)

One of my favorite things I’ve encountered while working with SOAM is the different interpretations people have on things. Last week’s theme in the #soamweeklyphoto was Imperfection and while I spent all week trying to figure out how to get an artistic photo of some body flaw I haven’t spoken about here before with only an iPhone, other people were going deeper into their psyches for something maybe more meaningful.

“I would say the imperfection that bothers me the most about myself, is my lack of self motivation. I allow to many things get in the way of the things that need to be done. Living with anxiety and PTSD don’t help. My best imperfection is my body, I am doing my best to change my mind. I want to look at my body as a tool and vessel to teach my children love and acceptance.” – @sublimelypassionate2

“I thought this topic would be easy if I could photograph my skin, since acne is coming back and it has been emotionally and physically painful to deal with on and off for 20 years. I’ll just go deeper than that, because today just ‘went there.’ I have a recurring fear that I am not good enough for my family, not stable enough, not whatever… and when I get on that path of thinking it just gets really ugly. My imperfect past (as a recovering alcoholic can only know) is one I have to reckon with when I get these insecurities. And as debilitating as insecurity can be, must take the next indicated step, in order to be the best mother, wife, sister, friend that I can regardless of fear or other challenges.” – @catnamede

The women who have taken part in this project have continuously astounded me with their beauty, strength, and their willing to be vulnerable. I feel so lucky to be a part of this project. I can’t believe we are nearly at the end of the winter run – just a few more weeks until we break out the spring prompts! If you haven’t joined us yet, don’t hesitate to jump in at any time! The more the merrier!

Still Struggling (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

My beautiful daughter was born almost 7 years ago. I loved every moment of my pregnancy. I did my best to savor each moment and I loved feeling every flutter, kick, and hiccup. A few weeks before my baby girl was born, I had a visit with my midwife and she marveled at my smooth, stretch mark free belly. When I visited her the next week, I remember her saying “oh no! you have stretch marks!” I remember feeling let down…as if I had almost made it through with my tummy in tact. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the stretch marks would not end up being the source of this frustrating struggle.

It took me quite a bit of time to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and once I did, I was devastated by what I saw in the mirror. Who cares about the stretch marks? look at that saggy, wrinkled tummy! I was not prepared for the way my body had changed. Prior to this, I had prided myself on the fact that I was a woman who would NEVER consider cosmetic surgery…yet, as I looked in the mirror at this hanging skin…thoughts started to creep in about a tummy tuck. That made me feel low as well. How could I be so vain to consider something like that???

Now, all these years have passed and I am ashamed to say that when I look at my belly in the mirror…when I look at the body that grew and birthed the most precious little being…I still fantasize about the tummy tuck. I don’t care about the stretch marks. I’m even rather proud of them. The saggy, wrinkled skin that doesn’t improve no matter what I do is the source of the embarrassment and frustration I feel. I don’t want to seem petty. I don’t want to seem vain. I am just speaking my truth and it is a truth I never thought would be coming from me. I have been thinking about submitting my story to this website for YEARS and I am just now finally following through. It is my hope that I can find my confidence once again.

~Age:
39

~Number of pregnancies and births:
1

~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:
7

The Result of Growth (Chloe)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 1 Comment

I’m built very petite (5’2″, 100-105 lbs when I’m not pregnant or nursing) and yet three times, I’ve given birth to nine pound babies (my boys are almost 12, 9, and almost 7). It’s taken me time, but I’ve learned to love, honor, and respect the fact that my body that so often feels so small and vulnerable was able to grow and accommodate such big babies. I had to have c-sections because of the width of my pelvis and for a long time that felt like a failure- but now I honor that, too. The loose skin that buckles and puckers when I bend or sit is a physical representation of all the growing and expanding my body and soul have had to do, in order to become a mother. How could that possibly be ugly?

-Chloe, age 33

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True Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Submissions 3 Comments

True story:

I hate seeing myself in photos. I’m the heaviest I’ve been in my life and this beached whale look is not cute on me. I feel like a huge aching blob most of the time. Today while cleaning the bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, “damn, I look good!”

And guess what? I don’t fucking care if that’s conceited.

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Mixed Feelings on the SI Swimsuit Cover (Mina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Guest Post 2 Comments

My friend Mina wrote this and I felt like it raises some excellent questions. What are your thoughts on this?

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Earlier this month, Sports Illustrated revealed their new “swimsuit issue cover”, which is, apparently, kind of a big deal. The models involved don’t know until the reveal that they’ve been chosen for the iconic cover, and based on reactions it must be a big career boost to be chosen…which means there are lots of models hoping they are the one on that page.

This year, SI did something different. They produced 3 covers with 3 different models: Hailey Clauson, Ronda Rousey, and Ashley Graham. The magazine was applauded for including diversity on the cover…One thin, blonde model (Clauson), one elite athlete (Rousey) and one “plus-size” brunette model (Graham).

In the days following the big reveal, SI has been lauded for celebrating diversity in beauty, especially with the inclusion of a plus sized model on the cover.

I had mixed feelings.

I love that diversity in beauty is being celebrated by a magazine issue with such influence. I think that’s fabulous. But, I still felt a little crummy about how it was done: Women in the equivalent of underwear being celebrated ONLY for how their photoshopped selves looked in the photo. I felt a little bit of victory along with a bit of defeat. I also felt a little manipulated…like this is SI’s way to just sell more issues…as fewer and fewer people are buying print copies of magazines anymore, printing 3 versions of such a celebrated annual issue is a way to get collectors to purchase THREE.

But now those mixed feelings include a little anger and frustration.

Cheryl Tiegs, a former SI cover model who is now nearly 70 years old, has spoken publicly against SI’s decision.

“I don’t like that we’re talking about full-figured women because it’s glamorizing them because your waist should be smaller than 35 (inches),” Tiegs told E! News at a pre-Oscar event on Wednesday night.

“That’s what Dr. Oz said, and I’m sticking to it. No, I don’t think it’s healthy. Her face is beautiful. Beautiful. But I don’t think it’s healthy in the long run.”

Is it really necessary for women to knock each other down like this? Tiegs could’ve simply practiced the golden rule. Or she could’ve avoided making assumptions that a plus size model is necessarily “unhealthy”. Or she could’ve faced the fact that many models, in order to keep getting hired for jobs, make choices that are extremely unhealthful (more so than having a waist size above 35 inches).

Sigh. I’d like to see women celebrate each other a bit more. I love that about this site. Healthy/fit come in many shapes, and there is more than one that is beautiful. And sometimes, for many reasons, health is elusive for some of us…and that doesn’t make us ugly or any less worthy of love, acceptance and support.