Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

My Story with Lily (Marissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 8 Comments

my age is 17 and my name is Marissa
one pregnancy, one birth
my daughter, Lily, is 7 months

Hi, my name is Marissa and i am 7 months pp with my first child, Lily. I am a teen mother and the past year has been a life changing experience! I met her dad during my sophmore year and we were good friends for about 4 months. We both have never been in a serious relationship and fell in love with eachother quickly. After two months of dating, we got pregnant. I had sex because i thought he wanted to and that what all my friends did. Were both shocked since we used a condom except during or a few days after my period.We felt completely stupid, since we both recieve good grades and never partied or anything. No one ever had a sex talk with me and our school promote no-sex at all and i had no idea it was possible even if you were n your period. I only thought you were fertile 2 weeks after a period so we had unprotected sex thinking it was alright. I know i was wrong, and i learned sooo much about babies and sex during my pregnancy. Im kind of angry at my parents and school for not teaching us about birth control and how pregnany happens so easily. But over all, it was our fault. We did the deed. I hid my pregnancy for about 5 months from my family and friends. I was in denial and kept thinking maybe i wasnt pregnant, and if i was, i will simply get an abortion. My boyfriend and I were very lost and afraid and we desided to tell his mom last year on valentines day and she FREAKED. She told us abortion was the only way and i had to tell my mom. I did the next day and she cried. My boyfriend and I left to go out to eat while my mom told my angry step dad, who didnt talk to me for months. My boyfriend started to cry when i described abortion to him when we were out, i was so far along that i felt her kicking and we both knew that life was growing in me. My mom then took me to plannedparenthood the next day where they told me that no one will perform an aboriton since i was only 16 and so far along. That was fine by me because the more i thought about it, i couldnt do it. But my bf family thought adoption was our only option, but my mom was very supportive on what choice i wanted to make. She told me, if theres a will theres a way, and so i thought that i can do this. I desided to keep the baby and my boyfriend wasnt to happy but he said he loved me and i knew what i wanted more than anything. I was’nt strong enough for adoption and i was happy with the choice i made since mine and his family bacame VERY supportive! I gave birth in July, me 16 and my bf 17.He, his mom, my mom, and my sister wathed me give birth after 17 hours of difficult labor. His family, and mine, fell in Love with Lily right away. and so did I. I knew i can do this! For the months i was pregnant, i was online alot and read soo much about babies so i was kinda prepared to what to expect. It was a rough few months since i had difficult breast feeding. I breast fed for five months and she is so wonderfull! She is a very happy baby and very outgoing! She has been hitting her milestones early and has been doing great. Nick, my boyfriend, is still with me and we have been doing very well. Lily is a daddys girl and i love it how i have such a wonderull, loving supportive boyfriend, friends and family. I still go to school and im in my junior year. We both are still on the Honor Roll and im taking a course to get my STNA by this summer. =] I love Nick and Lily so much and im glad i was able to do this.

These pics are of my belly, 7 months pp. I am 5 ft4 and was 130 pounds before i got pregnant. I was 186 when i gave birth, igained 86 pounds! But being 7 months pp, i am now 150 pounds. and still trying to lose weight. I have body image issues, even though Nick loves my jelly belly.

Updated here.

Overcoming (Brittany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 20
Number of births and pregnancies: 1 birth and pregnancy
4 months postpartum

My name is Brittany. I am a proud mother to a 4 month old little girl and wife to a wonderful and patient husband. I have been struggling to accept the way my new body looks since I was pregnant. I was a slim 135 pounds before the pregnancy and an avid runner. However I gained a whopping 70 pounds and have buried myself in a hole of self-pity since delivery (partially to due to postpartum depression as well). I have stretch marks on my breasts, belly, bum and legs. It had gotten so bad at one point that I couldn’t even watch TV without breaking into tears over a sexy woman on a commercial or show. I am really glad I found this website. It is good to know that I am not the only one who has to overcome issues with her postpartum body.

My Horizontal Bellybutton (A.C.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Motherhood has drastically changed me in every conceivable way. I think, sleep, eat and shower differently, and I also have a body that is incomparable to the one I used to inhabit. My baby was born two weeks later than expected, and, during that time, my skin developed deep stretch marks. I will always vividly remember taking a hand mirror to view the underside of my belly and bursting into tears.

I have always been a fitness enthusiast with a tight midsection, so it was a bit of a challenge for me to accept my “new” post-baby body.After carrying around a 9.2 lb. baby for 42 weeks, my appearance has been drastically altered. My belly button is even different! (it used to be vertical and very deep, now its shallow and quite horizontal. )

However, any mother will tell you that the stellar joy a baby brings is well worth and “boo-boos” incurred along the way. At times, it’s hard for me to see the beauty in a body that appears to have aged significantly in a few short months .But, I am learning to appreciate the amazing and sacred thing that motherhood has allowed my body to do and become. I am proud of myself for attempting to stay in shape after having a baby. I am okay with the fact that my mid-section and hips are permanently widened. But my horizontal belly button and stretch marks probably won’t be seeing daylight in a bikini anytime soon!
~AC

–>The pictures below are of my belly at 40 weeks pregnant, and 4 months Post-Partum. My iphone provided a more flattering torso shot, while my camera gave a true, honest view of my stretch marks! :)

22 years old, 1 child, 4 months pp

Mirror, Mirror on the wall….who’s the most damaged mother of them all? (Mary)

Bonnie (SOAM) Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Prose, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 55 Comments

“Look at those ugly stretch marks!” the mirror sneers as I hurriedly change my clothes. No matter how hard I try, my eyes always seem to wander to my disappointing reflection staring back at me, “You’re disfigured and they’ll never go away you know. Never.”

Tears pool in my eyes as I try to shut out the hurtful thoughts, I glance in the glass though and agree, I am hideous. My body is marred all over from three pregnancies, scars that seem to burn and scream “You’ll never be attractive again.” I pull on my pants and long shirt and breathe a sigh of relief, clothes have become my mask and my shield, for with them on I feel normal and I can pretend my body is perfect, I’m still however, conscious of my flaws. My shirt could ride up and someone might become grossed out by my bread dough belly or I might bend over too far and accidentally show my uneven breasts. Oh the horror! Being nude is a nightmare for me, I dread showers, and lovemaking is done under the covers whilst wearing a top that covers my torso despite my husband’s vows that I’ve never looked better.

I go through stages of self-hate and berate myself for not trying harder to prevent the damage I had done. I forget the sweet moments at night when my husband would lovely run lotion on my belly, amused by the little feet trying to kick his hands. Instead I moan about regretting not smearing lotion on my body every second of the day. I dismiss from my mind how hard I worked to eat healthy, charting and researching to make sure I was giving my body and baby every nutrient they needed. Instead I think that I would have ended up happier if I had starved myself to keep the weight off. I obliterate the sweet memories of the long walks we would take together every night, laughing as I tried to climb hills while holding my massive belly. Instead I wish that I had taken out a loan so I could have spent every day at the gym with a personal trainer. I sink down in the belief that I am the only mother that has let herself go. I even convince myself that I have proof. I see all the newspapers and billboards with perfect mothers and wonder why I don’t compare to their fit bodies. Even my favorite parenting magazines are filled with ads showcasing taut bellies and breasts. And as far as I know, all the mothers in my life have no stretch marks or flaws either for they never mention otherwise, surely if they were feeling as low as I am they would have said so. The mirror doesn’t lie; I’m the only mother alive whose body has been destroyed. I’m alone. I’m the only mother with these thoughts and I’m ashamed.

I decide surgery is my only option. I can only feel whole again if I cut out the glaring marks that giving life has given me. I look in the mirror and think that only a tummy tuck or a breast lift would improve my appearance. I have never had much time to spend online before but I make time to start searching the internet for options, knowing I could never afford the fees but determined to research anyways. Surprisingly I do find the hope I was seeking online but not from medical sites, instead I find communities of women who look and feel exactly as I do.

I find theshapeofamother.com, a site that brings me to my knees in sobs, a site where I find answers, acceptance, and understanding. It’s where mothers from all over the world go to post photos and accounts of their bodies to show all other mothers that they are normal. I read pages and pages of stories, crying and smiling harder with each one. Their words are my thoughts, my fears…I’m connected to them all. I am no longer alone. I find forums where groups of mothers gather to discuss everything from cooking to gifts to yes, their new bodies as opening up to strangers is so much easier than pouring out your feelings face to face. I even find sites that show before and after photos of air brushed models and for the first time realize that *I* am the normal woman, that those in the ads are the unnatural, enhanced, and unrealistic versions of womanhood.

I start to see my own body in a new light, to remember what’s it like to look in the mirror and smile, and to feel confident once again. It didn’t happen overnight but slowly over the months I start to change. I stop wearing clothes that are too big on me as I no longer feel the need to hide beneath them. I take my children swimming for the first time in a public pool, no longer ashamed of what my swim clothes reveal. I celebrate my amazing body that has given me so much and marvel how I could have disliked it for so long. I apologize to myself and promise to never let go of my self- worth again.

And one night, after the kids are safely tucked in bed, I decide it’s time to show my husband my new confidence. I ask him if he’d like to do a tasteful photo session of my body. He’s surprised but happy, and we start our boudoir experiment. I stand under the bright lights, 100% unclothed, with nothing to hide beneath, and bare my soul and body to the man who’s been by my side for so many years. At first I was timid and shy but with each snap I hear his words of encouragement and I can see in his eyes that he loves what he sees, flaws and all. I feel my self esteem blossom and grin and I wish that this feeling could be shared by every mother. When I see the photos I’m shocked by what lovely pieces of art they are. “I’m….I’m stunning.” I whisper.

I turned towards the mirror and see a positive glow surrounding my body, it’s my self-respect. I touch my stretch marks and say “I’m glad they are here, for my babies are growing, and soon will leave my nest, but their marks will always be a lovely reminder.

Right here, see this little one? That’s where I first felt my first kick me; I sat up all excited and yelled ‘She moved inside me, I felt it!’ I sat there for hours stroking that spot, in awe that a life was growing inside of me, waiting for her to move again. Why would I want that marvelous mark she left me to fade away?

And here, see this short, deep one? That’s where my second’s foot stayed for 3 months, I was always worried about him because he didn’t kick much but I could always feel his toes twitching right there, telling me he was holding on. Even now, when my special boy is having a hard day, I unconsciously touch that spot and say ‘You’ll get through this buddy, just hang in a little bit longer.’ And he does.

And feel this long one here, that starts at my hip and crawls all the way up over my belly button, higher than all the rest? I watched this one creep up a tiny bit higher each day with my third. I would laugh and say ‘Silly boy you don’t want to get lost in the mist of your older siblings do you? You want to make sure your marks can clearly be seen, good for you, you’ll go far in life and I’ll root for you the whole way.’

“I’m sorry.” I tell my body “I was wrong. They are beautiful aren’t they? Each one tells its own amazing story.” I look in the mirror and smile and love what I see. And behind me I see all the other mothers of the world, touching their marks, and smiling along with me.

-Photo attached, taken by my husband.

030910-anon-1

Updated here.

In The Home Stretch 235 lbs to 160 lbs (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 25
Number of Pregnancies and births: 1
Age of child/PP: 29 months

Pre-Pregnancy I was 235 lbs (I’m 5’7) I was considered Obese my BMI was over 35!!! When I got pregnant I had really bad morning sickness for the first 20 weeks. I was on Phenergan and Zofran. I lost 10 lbs my first 20 weeks of my pregnancy because I could hardly keep anything down. By the end of my pregnancy I had gained those 10 lbs back. I went in to give birth to my son weighing 235 lbs and I left the hospital weighing in at 212 lbs!!!!! My son weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 14oz and 21.5 inches long. I was 8 days past my due date. When my son was 3 months old I joined Weight Watchers. My first year doing Weight Watchers I lost 52 lbs. I went from a size 18 to a size 10. I’ve lost a total of 75 lbs. I have recently started following Jillian Michaels “Mastering Your Metabolism”. I’m finding I’m left with a lot of extra skin. Which is rather disgusting. I’m still coming to terms with my body. Don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying being a healthy size again finally. BUT I’m a single mother and I’m dating again and honestly, who is going to find my body sexy? I do Yoga, Pilates, Budokon, Zumba, and a dance cardio class called ‘Happy Hour’ all in efforts to tighten this loose skin up. I’m shrinking majorly in inches but this skin just keeps hanging in there (literally haha). I think down the road I will look into getting the extra skin removed. I guess I decided to post my struggle in hopes to reach someone who is in the position I was a year and a half ago. To all you women out there it is possible to lose the weight and reclaim your body! It doesn’t come fast, but it will come. Just hang in there. Measure and take pictures of your progress to keep yourself going! I’ve tracked all my weight loss so I can keep looking back at it and see how far I’ve come! My son was a precious gift who made me want to get to a healthier weight. I am not a fan of going to the gym to work out, but exercise is an important part of weight loss. I get bored using cardio equipment so I found a gym that has really good classes and I have a friend that goes with me. We actually have a lot of fun doing all the classes I listed. Budokon is something I highly recommend looking into! I lost 1 inch off my arms in 3 weeks doing Budokon. Yoga is also awesome to tone up those arms and your core. Zumba is amazing as well I typically burn 400 calories in 40-45 minutes . P.S. You can’t see it in my pictures, but I have a TON of faded stretch marks and I do have that line of hangy skin that my pants or underwear is covering. Good-bye low rise jeans….hello mid-rise jeans! Haha

Pic #1 – Me at 34 wks Pregnant
Pic #2- Me at 39 wks Pregnant
Pic #3- Is a collage of me 6 wks PP, 12 months PP, and 18 months PP
Pic#4- Is a collage of 20 months PP, and 22 months PP
Pic#5- Is a Front view of me 18 months PP
Pic#6- is a Front view of me 22 months PP
Pic#7- Me Pre-Pregnancy and Me 20 mon PP

My Baby Tattoos (Hilary)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 5 Comments

I was completely overjoyed when I gave birth to the apple of my eye when I was just 21 years old. I weighed 110 pounds before I had him and reached a shocking 180 when I gave birth. Needless to say, he behind some baby tattoos. My heart doubled in size when I got pregnant with my second son only 7 months later. He was about a pound and a half bigger than my first and my second c-section. He left me with more tattoos and some extra skin. I am 5 weeks postpartum in my picture and trying to accept my new tattoos.

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 17 months (my first) and 5 weeks 9my second)

Natural Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 33 Comments

Feeling down about my not so picture perfect body I decided to take some pictures of myself. Not from flattering angles, not sucking in, not standing up. This is me, with my belly hanging out, my stretch marks, my soft bottom and legs, and less than perky breasts from feeding my child (and still am). I am not skinny, I am not smooth, I am no longer toned, I have bulges and wrinkles, but I am a mom and I am beautiful!

Krystle

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, PCOS, Postpartum, Pregnant, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies/Births: 1
Almost 13 weeks postpartum
Keywords: postpartum, pregnancy, 1st time mom, vaginal birth

After trying for months to conceive unsuccessfully, my husband and I visited a new OB who prescribed clomid. I believed that I was not ovulating, however he thought everything was fine. I got pregnant on the first round of clomid and we were so excited. It was shortlived because the entire pregnancy was a roller coaster from the very beginning. I thought that I just had a cyst from the clomid because of extreme pain, the gyno (not ob, different office) asked me to take a pregnancy test to make sure. I just KNEW i wasn’t pregnant because I had been in the hospital around february 22nd for the same pain which they attributed to my interstitial cystitis and I was negative. Last period was 2/2/09 & I took clomid on days 3-5. We ended up conceiving on February 14th, between all of the pain and my interstitial cystitis flair that was the only time we had sex within the correct time span.
Much to my surprise, the test was positive. I was like, “what the hell is this?!” So i waited a few hours and took a digital test to be sure.

I went in and had an ultrasound done, which showed I did have a large cyst and it looked like my uterus was getting ready for an implantation but the egg had not yet implanted. This was on March 4th, I went to Florida that week for a vacation with a friend and had alot of pain. The ER dated me 5 weeks 6 days and no heartbeat but not ectopic. A week later exactly I went back to my gyno here, they dated me 5 weeks 6 days, low heart rate (low 80’s) and said to prepare that I would probably lose the baby. I was devastated. Then i got to thinking..I couldn’t have been 5 weeks 6 days that week prior and they must have measured wrong and I was so upset that the doctor didn’t think of any alternative reasoning. Plus the heart had just formed so it’s going to have a low rate. I got a 2nd opinion 2 days later and our babies heart was still beating, still on the low side but she ended up being just fine. I was on bedrest from 16-19 weeks then i had a partial placental abruption and hemorrhaged at 22 weeks, so I was on bedrest for another 3 weeks after that. I had spotting the entire pregnancy and I didn’t start to really enjoy any of it until the 3rd trimester.

I’m 5’1 and pre-pregnancy I weighed around 123. I’ve never had a flat stomach, but I was happy with my weight. I wore a size 5 jeans/pants, however most of my jeans were bigger 3’s that I shoved my fat butt into anyway. We all have our favorite jeans that we don’t want to give up. When i was 18 I weighed 107, and by the end of 2007 I weighed 115 and then ended up around 123. I actually ate better during the weight gain but honestly i wasn’t every super skinny, imo. For my height/build I was pretty average.

I started to get stretchmarks around 16 weeks..on my butt, and ended up with them everywhere. I have them on my stomach, thighs, butt, CALVES! I got PUPPS also, which made them appear much worse.
Upon delivery I weighed 165lbs. I remember how upset I was when i went over the 160 mark. I didn’t gain a single pound up until the 19week mark and I was pretty upset by that. My clothes didn’t fit & I had to wear maternity clothes but weight was I was not up at all. I ended up making up for it, that’s for sure!
I had a very quick labor (under 7 hours start to finish) and a completely natural birth complete with 40+ stitches from an episotomy. Even with a not so great pregnancy and hard birth recovery we both wanted #2 right away. We are now on the one & done train, for multiple reasons. One reason is that I can’t stand to see what my body would like like after #2, and I know thats selfish but thats how I feel, honestly.

I’ve seen a couple women on this site who look EXACTLY like I do which is comforting. I’m hoping I will, “go down” more, but don’t have much faith in that.

I wouldn’t be having such a hard time dealing with my new body if six, SIX people in public hadn’t asked me, when I was due/didn’t know I was expecting/wow you’re having 2 really close together/when are you gonna have that baby/is it a boy or girl. SERIOUSLY? That’s what has really given me serious body image issues.

I also think that if my breasts were even slightly bigger (i’m a small A) maybe my stomach wouldn’t look so huge..it’d be more proportional.

I’m hoping I can find the time to workout and stick with it, i’m working full time right now and I feel that I don’t have enough time in the day already!

Thanks ladies! (sorry so long!!)

My current weight is 140lbs.

ETA… I’ve since been diagnosed with PCOS, (I knew something was up because I still had not starting my period at 10 weeks post partum & I only breastfed for a few days before my supply dried up/she wouldn’t latch) So I really wasn’t ovulating which is why we couldn’t get pregnant.

Undewear only photo is today, 2.8.2010, bra photo was 12.7.2009 & at 38 weeks 3 days pregnant, I delivered at 39 weeks 5 days. And finally, my gorgeous daughter, Peyton. She really was worth all of it, don’t get me wrong.

5 months PP and doing ok (Amy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

Age: 21
Number of Pregnancies: 1
Number of Children: 1
PP: 5 months

Hi my name is Amy and I am 21 years old. Here’s my story. I have been married to my husband for about a year and a half now and we are very happy together. He shops and does the cooking, he is just great! We decided to try for a baby straight after getting married and fell pregnant after a few months of trying. I started my pregnancy at 43kgs (about 95 lbs) and ended up putting on 11kgs (24 lbs). I had a very easy pregnancy with no morning sickness or anything. After only 5 hours of labor, I gave birth to my beautiful son naturally using only the gas for pain relief. By the time I got to the hospital I was too far gone for anything else! He weighed 6 lbs. 12 oz. I only got a couple of grazes, no tears and only a couple of small stretch marks around my belly button, but lots on my boobs. So overall I was really lucky. I lost my pregnancy weight in a couple of months. I breastfed only for 5 weeks but I think that helped my stomach go down quite significantly in the beginning.

I exercised a lot before I fell pregnant and all the way through my pregnancy everyday. 5 weeks after giving birth I started exercising again, but I must say now that I am working on a casual basis I haven’t been doing much at all. I also have found that my knees have gotten very weak so it has made it quite hard to get into shape. I have always had a very healthy diet and ate just the same through my pregnancy. I have struggled with body issues forever but never so much as I am now. I feel so unattractive. My boobs are so small and saggy I hate my husband seeing them. I know he loves me but I also know that we need to be attracted to one another to have a good relationship and I just don’t see how he could find me attractive now.

I have already had a consultation for a breast lift and augmentation but I will be waiting until I have another baby first. I am so scared of what I will look like after another baby but I don’t want to be selfish and not have any more just because I am worried about my body. Having a baby has been the most wonderful experience of my life. My hubby really wants another one too and I would hate to disappoint him.

The pics are of me at 36 wks and me 4 months pp. I don’t have any more recent but I look about the same!

6 Months PP Update (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Previous entries:
First
Second
Third

Age: 23
Children: 2 children
Births: 2 cesareans
PP: 3.5 years pp, and 10 months pp

I am now 10 months pp (these pictures are from 6 months pp, but my body hasn’t changed much since these). I got up to 177 with Liam (I am 5’2”),and I am now 133, so I have about 18 pounds to go. I try to
love my body…it did after all give me Connor (my angel baby) and Liam…but I don’t love it. I do love my stretch marks (they are mostly from Connor, and they are my only physical proof that I had him), but
I HATE my ledge (used to be an overhang, but it has gotten smaller), my big thighs, and loose skin It brings me down on a regular basis…and then it makes me feel bad that I hate it…I made 2 AMAZING boys with this body…shouldn’t I love it for that??? I am 23 and have a horrible body I feel so ugly, even though my husband still finds me so sexy. I am eating healthy (I do not diet because I think it is silly…you should try to always eat healthy, and I am still nursing Liam) and try to exercise at least 5 days a week, but I haven’t
changed much. To be honest, I forget to work out a lot and I am just recently doing better with that (I have a goal this summer for a cute bathing suit I want!!). I hope to love my body some day!

Anyway, Liam is doing great! He is 10 months old, he just started crawling last week, he is such a happy baby too! He reminds me so much of his brother! He is smiling and happy even when he is sick (he has a double ear infection right now) just like Connor. I have my bad moments where I cry a lot because I miss Connor so much…but for the most part I am happy that I had any time with him (even if it was only 19 months). There has yet to be a day that I have not thought of him, and I don’t think there ever will be. I love my boys!!!!

Pictures:
1- 6 months pp side
2- 6 months pp front (any advise on getting rid of the ledge????)
3- 1.5 months pp, 2.5 months pp, 6 months pp
4- Liam almost 10 months
5- about 8.5 months pp
6- my Connor!

Updated here and here.