Submissions

To Love Thyself (Jessa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

Age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
Age of children: almost 3, 8 months

I have never loved my body. I was a skinny child, but I never paid attention to my body at that age. By the time I actually became ‘self-aware’ and started nit-picking about my appearance, I had gained some ‘fluff.’ In high school I was 5’3’’ and weighed between 125-130 lbs. I thought I was fat. HA! I stopped eating for a couple months, but my self-image only played a small part in that. Most of it was the depression. The starving dropped my weight to 120. Still chunky for my height and age. When I started eating again (do to my now husband’s encouragement), I gained weight like I was moving to the Arctic and needed the body fat of a whale to survive the cold.

On my wedding day, at 19 years of age, I weighed 140 lbs. Three months later we got pregnant and over the course of that pregnancy, during my second year of college (yay for stress!) I gained 42 lbs. I’m not going to tell you how often I cried because I was only a stone’s throw away from weighing 200 lbs. Really didn’t help my depression any. That first year postpartum was rough. By the time I finally got to a place of acceptance with my new mommy body my daughter was 15 months old, and we found out we were expecting our second child. It was a bit of a roller-coaster, but overall I loved my pregnant body. I loved how firm my stomach was when it had been much like a water bed before. I loved how the second time around I never got a single stretch mark, where my belly was riddled with stretch marks from my first pregnancy. At 40 weeks pregnant I had gained 31 lbs for a total weigh in of 185 lbs.

My youngest daughter was born cesarean section. On top of flabby skin, silver stretch marks over my stomach, boobs, hips and thighs, I have the c-section scar. But I’m okay with all that. My husband finds me more beautiful today, having grown his two children in my womb, than he did when he first fell in love with me. His cat calls, winks and pick up lines are all encouraging to say the least.

I am 8 months postpartum. I weigh roughly 155 lbs. I get asked if I am pregnant at least once a month. But I wouldn’t trade that for anything, because I got two of the most amazing little girls out of it. My jello-like tummy, silver stripes and c-section scar are my battle wounds. I am an Amazonian worrier. I am a mother.

Photos attached are
1. 40 weeks pregnant with my youngest
2. 4 weeks postpartum
3. 8 months postpartum (shirt up)
4. 8 months postpartum with my almost 3 year old (shirt down)

Updated here.

Almost 5 Years Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I became pregnant at 19 and gave birth 2 months after I turned 20 to a little girl. Didn’t know till I was over 3 months along that I was even pregnant. Had NO symptoms at all. Peeing a lot and vanishing period were normal for me haha, so thought nothing of it, till I just had a “feeling” and tested. Turned positive immediately. I never wanted children, so I was going to abort, but hormones took over and I obviously had her and very glad I did. I am 5’9″ and weighed about 127lbs at the time I found out I was pregnant and the day I gave birth I was 164lbs. Right after delivery, I weighed 140lbs, then 3 weeks later, was down to 130lbs. I have been bouncing around 119lbs-138lbs now for almost 5 years. I have very few very light stretch marks on my stomach, but my breasts are covered in them. I was an A cup and went to a full D cup before I “dried up”. I chose not to breast feed for personal reasons. My breasts literally deflated and until recently were so flabby and gross I was mortified and ashamed. But they have filled out to a full B cup (weird, don’t hear of that really happening). June of ’09, I had a complete miscarriage and again, had no idea I was pregnant. I was trying out Nuva Ring and it failed.. I was feeling terrible and took it out about 2 months after use (I didn’t give myself a week to have a period inbetween months, just put a new one it) and a week later, started bleeding. Thought it was my period, but I bled very heavily and passed a ton of clots. Then, I passed the entire little placenta and sac.. I didn’t know what it was, so I took it to the ER with me in a baggy. Sounds gross, but I thought it was a piece of my uterus that had fallen out or a tumor and was really scared! They confirmed it was a miscarriage and I had been about 6 wks pregnant. I was honestly thankful I miscarried, I didn’t want another baby. I had a tubal ligation (burned only) November of ’09 at age 23. I DO NOT recommend this!! I have since had THE WORST pms ever! Severe nausea, hot flashes, terrible mood swings, random bouts of crying, alcohol intolerance, anxiety attacks, breast swelling to a full size or more larger and painful, cramping so severe I am doubled over in pain and in tears… list goes on. I deal with this about half of each month. Doctor whom did it wont see me again because I have Medi-Cal (but he had no problem doing the procedure, go figure). But, I am glad for the most part I can’t become pregnant again, one child is enough for me:-)

2 Kids and Body Afterwards (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

I had my first son at age 19. I was 115 pounds and a size three. In my pregnancy I went up to 198 pounds. My body never went to normal. For while i stayed at 165 pounds. Stretch marks on my inner legs ouuter upper legs vigina, boobs love handles belly almost every where . So a few years later I decided to have smart liop/. Now I have six scar from that and loose flabby belly. A year later I got pregnant again, and my stretch marks got worse on my boobs and are past my belly botton on my belly. I’m 23 now with a 4 year old and a one year old. I love my boys but hate my body… I’m a size 7,9 now and 136 pounds.. i had a c section with my 2nd.. i’m ugly.. I used to play sofe ball and be a cheerleader. Now no one wants to see me. I don’t even ghe the beach i can’t wear a one piece cause of the stretch marks on my legs whta do I do

Starting to Love My Body Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

I am 25 years old and have two beautiful little boys. I hated my body after my first child and finally got the weight off when he was about 1 1/2 yrs, only to find out the week that i reached my goal weight that i was pregnant with my second. I was so happy to welcome our new little boy into the world, but i was right back where i started. Well it has been about 19 months and i am again working to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I am only about 5 lbs. away now!!

Age: 25
Number of pregnancies/births: 2
Age of children: 3 yrs. 7 m. and 19 months

2 cesareans, 2nd pregnancy

Pic #1- My wonderful little men
Pics 2 &3- 19 months pp after second pregnancy

Updated here.

The Beauty of Natural Childbirth to a First Time Mother (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 11 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Births: 1
Age of my child: 8 months

The first time I found out I was pregnant I was scared but excited and looking forward to bringing a new addition into the household. Unfortunately, I miscarried in the first trimester. I was completely devastated and for months it was the only thing I focused on. My husband and I went on to get married a month after the miscarriage and after a few months I was able to get back to my normal self. That was when the magic happened! I found out the day after Halloween of 2009 that my husband and I were expecting again. I was nervous the first few months that I would lose this baby as well, but the pregnancy went perfectly. I gained a total of 26 pounds taking me from my original 127 to 153 when I gave birth. We both wanted me to give birth naturally because we personally feel that it was the best choice for me. We watched lots of videos like The Business of Being Born and read up on many articles on the internet. I became very comfortable with the idea of a natural birth. The rest of my pregnancy was a breeze. The only stretch marks I received were a few small ones on the sides of my breasts, I only had about 4 weeks of morning sickness in the beginning ( although it felt like an eternity ha ha). My husband walked with me every evening to get some fresh air and exercise, and I had no swelling of the hands or feet. Finally, the day came for my daughter to be born. I was 38 weeks and my water broke at roughly 2:40am in the morning. We packed up a few things and made it to the hospital by 3:00am. Once I got settled in the room I started having very strong contractions. I knew that labor was going to go quick. I wanted to give in a few times and opt out of the natural birth my husband and I had planned because the pain became unbearable, but my husband was wonderful and talked me through it. Also, when the nurse checked me it was too late. I was 8cm and very close to giving birth. A few painful contractions and some pushes and an episiotomy later I gave birth to a beautiful 6lb 12oz baby girl at 5:10am. I feel in love with her right away and apparently bawled my eyes out (so hubby says). I breastfed her right away and still do to this day, although I do supplement baby foods as well. I think the breastfeeding really helped to shrink my tummy back up. I took pics of my postpartum from about 1 week post to 6 months post. It’s amazing how your body changes! But with some healthy eating and a great workout plan like what I’m doing….you are sure to get your sexy back ;)

I now weigh 120 lbs…7 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight

Pictures as followed:
#1 Pre-pregnancy
#2 30 wks Pregnant
#3 38 wks Pregnant
#4 At the hospital with contractions
#5 My daughter at one day old
#6 1 wk Post Pregnancy
#7 2 wks Post Pregnancy
#8 3 wks Post Pregnancy
#9 6 months Post Pregnancy side view
#10 6 months Post Pregnancy front view
#11 My little girl at 7 months
#12 My little girl and I at 8 months

Did you know? (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Update 23 Comments

Previous posts here, here and here.

My baby is 20 months old.
My body is 20 months postpartum.
We had a natural birth.
We breastfed for 13 months.
I’m 23.
………………………………………………………………………………………

I didn’t know you could “give it 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, etc” and still not be where you want to be.
I didn’t know people were gonna be so wrong when they assured me “Don’t worry, a first pregnancy doesn’t do any damage.”
I didn’t know my boobs would be so empty, so used up, so covered in scars after this whole ordeal of motherhood began and flourished.
I didn’t know the stretch marks on my thighs would illicit so many comments at the pool.
I didn’t know my hair would fall out, my eyesight would get worse, and my hands would go numb during/soon after pregnancy.
I didn’t know the postpartum stomach I’ve worked so hard on, the one I’m now OK with (mostly) and so proud of would confuse and even disgust the few I chose to show it to.
……………………………………………………………………………………….

I didn’t know I could love someone so much I’d pray over them while they slept.
I didn’t know I could get by on so little sleep and still smile.
I didn’t know I’d build such amazing forts that my son would play in them for hours.
I didn’t know a couple of words could make my whole heart melt: “I want mama!”
I didn’t know 20 months later, I’d still be saying, “Don’t get any bigger! This phase is my favorite so far!” and mean it each time.
I didn’t know I could love my husband more but every time I see the resemblance between my little baby and my big baby, watch out! More love.
………………………………………………………………………………………..

I don’t know how I’ll ever let that little baby go and grow up on his own when it’s time.
…………………………………………………………………………………………

What didn’t you know?
What do you wish you’d known?
What have you learned?
…………………………………………………………………………………………
Know this: We are mothers! We are amazing.

Pics: The ever controversial postpartum stomach. Covered in stretch marks. Flapping with extra skin. I know. Get over it.

Winter Update (Vi’s Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 4 Comments

Hi everyone.
I posted an entry here over the summer, but a lot has changed since then.
I’ve been continuing to struggle with my body image. I constantly obsess over it, and i don’t want it to rub off on my daughter. Recently i got my belly button pierced and a tattoo designed by my friend on my hip.
I don’t know what it is, but suddenly i feel more confident about my body. Maybe it’s because i feel that the piercings and tattoos take away from the stretch mark scars. Either way, it’s such a relief to look in the mirror and be okay with what i’m seeing.
I hope someday soon i can be okay with my belly with or without decoration. Until then, whenever i feel insecure all i have to do is look at my beautiful daughter and it all feels worth it.
Thanks for listening :)

27 with 2 kids, 1 c-section and dealing with the scar left behind (Marie P.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 17 Comments

I am currently 27 and 3 months and 1 week post c-section. I have 2 children a 5 year old and now a 3 month old. My son was a c-section and needless to say I, like other women have had struggles with my new body and scarring. Our bodies not only change but they permanently stay unusual in our eyes. And we have to find it within us somewhere to accept it. Before my 5 year old I was very active running every day. So I guess you can say I was in very much in shape. During my first pregnancy I was also active. I was working all the way until I popped and even during my pregnancy I ran up until I was 4 months and took yoga classes. My pre-weight was 110 and at the end of my pregnancy I was 142. I delivered her vaginally with no complications. And short after 2 weeks in having her I was eager to hit the track and start running again. my eagerness caused me to hemorrhage for a 1 month. So I forced myself to stay put for a month. Once I healed and followed doctors orders I hit the track. about 4 months later I was 110 again and my body was prob in the best shape ever, even before my daughter was born. Hard work paid off then. Opting to grace my husband with a son I got pregnant at 26 (having kept in mind that my 1st pregnancy was smooth sailing). After just 3 months into pregnancy, i gained a few pounds and fast. My starting weight was 118. By my 4th month I was 125 and feeling very sick. I was always sleepy and tired and very noxious daily. This pregnancy was definitely different. Needless to say I was not able to work out during this pregnancy. About my 7th month and 8th month of pregnancy I was finally able to walk on the treadmill 3 times a week with much back ache though. My son of course at 37 weeks was footling breech and they had scheduled me to do what they call a version. Where they manually try to turn the baby while in your womb from the outside. This procedure lasted 35 minutes and was very painful for me. After a failed attempt to turn him the doc felt I should go home and we would schedule a c-section. Until the PA found me to be 4 cm dilated. With my son’s foot lodged into my pelvis bone the doctor felt best i had a c-section that day since i was so far dilated. As we got everything prepared to have a baby, another doctor took the shift and felt he could be successful in turning the baby manually to save me having to be cut open. Although I felt like we should just go as planned the doctor was more convincing then I was. So we tried once more for this version. During this process the doctor caused my son to go in distress (meaning having bowel movements in the womb) which then called for an emergency c-section rather then scheduled. The OR was not prepared for a c-section. The nurses had not set up for this and the doctor and nurses were yelling at each other. My husband was called in late into the OR as he was walking in my son was being yanked out. He wasn’t breathing at first but he was revived and his leg was unfortunately broken. I was heart broken but i am so blessed to have him here and thankful that he is ok now. The result of my c-section is my beautiful son who endured alot his first seconds of life. With all that happened my recovery from all this was definitely a hard and long one. the pain was nothing like Ive experienced. But because of how eager I am to be fit, I had in my mind that I was going to start working out 2 weeks pp. Well that didnt happen as planned. My pain lasted longer then 2 weeks. So I wanted to wait another week. I had read all this internet stories about women who had ran as little as 3 weeks pp. So I thought I would be one of them. Well my caring husband would not let me and forbid me from working out before 6 weeks. So having no choice other then waiting I looked daily at my scar and breast that began to slowly sag. The more I looked at my scar the more depressed I got. I applied mederma cream and gel faithfully in hopes that in just 6 weeks the scar would go away. Ladies, it doesn’t work like that. After my 6 week pp I hit the gym thinking I could jog cause I was in shape prior. Nope! It hurt like hell to jog. So for about 1month I kept it at walk and gradually turned it into a jog by Feb. (if you use a trimming belt to suppress your incision area, it helps alot) By the end of Feb. I was able to run again. And by March 1st I was able to run at my peak and without my trimming belt. Im having regular workout sessions as before and I feel great. Until I undress. I know I should see my scar as a trophy scar but I dont. My trophy is my son being here and thats the best trophy out there. My scar is just a new flaw that I have. I got a few stretch marks but they disappear in about a year. (as they did with my daughter) My breast are very run down and I plan on getting them re-done. My husband is very supportive and tries so hard to reassure me that it doesnt mean anything to him and he doesn’t care a bout a stupid scar because he loves me and he is deeply attracted to me. But some ladies will agree that in the society we live in to day. What and how you look is often judge before your personality. Which is very sad. But this is my body and its just something Im not and will never get use to seeing. My ending pregnancy weight at 37 weeks was 152. I am now 3 months and 1 week post c-section and weighing 117. I have 7 more pounds to lose but this time around its been harder then before. For those trying to lose weight after a csection. Follow doctors orders and listen to your body. The after effects like the scarring and the stretch marks are something us women have to deal with that no one will ever understand how it could make us feel. Whether its a lot of stretch marks or 1 stretch mark or horrible incision or sagging breast or prune belly. We have to find ways to accept our bodies… and that is what im trying to do No ones said it would be easy and I am learning that as I go. I know some people have worse and some have it lightly but this is me and what I can stand. And it just doesnt sit well with me.

I have included photos:
1 photo of me before i got pregnant with my daughter
1 during my pregnancy with her
1 after the 1st pregnancy weight loss
1 before my pregnancy with my son
2 during my sons pregnancy
3 of my c section scar
1 of my cankles :)
3 of my body now
1 of my son and his trauma
1 of my scar at 3months 1week

Really Very Bad Timing (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 19 Comments

1 pregnancy, 2 children
14 months postpartum, twins

My twin boys were perfect timing. Our fertility doctor had just finished telling us we would never conceive naturally. I had just told him that through the grace of God I believed that we would. 3 weeks later some routine tests came back to tell me I was pregnant without the help of drugs or procedures and about 6 weeks later we received the amazing news that there were two little bubs! I was over the moon. My husband seemed a little less excited but I told myself it was that he was overwhelmed, besides that he never was really very good with emotion. As you can imagine I got to be pretty huge. Unfortunately I also became pretty lonely, My husband seemed to withdrawal further and further as my pregnancy progressed. I had an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia at 36 weeks and although very small the boys were born beautiful and healthy. I remember the first day they let me get up on my own to go to the bathroom. I stared at the body in the mirror in absolute disgust. I thought I would look like that forever. As hard as I tried I could not breast feed my boys so not only was my body hideous but it also couldn’t nourish my two beautiful boys. I had some postpartum depression but after a few months I began to feel better. The boys were getting bigger and healthier with the use of formula. I would force myself to look in the mirror stark naked almost daily. It was important that I understood that this was my body now and it had done something incredible for me. I had never been thin to begin with but had always loved my curves. After a couple of months I began to love my body, stretch marks, love handles and all. Through all of this my relationship with my husband got better and then worse. I had always adored my husband and although his personality was distant and sometimes very cold I convinced myself he adored me as well. The month before the boys first birthday my husbands raging porn addiction was found out.It had existed before he had known me so you might think I couldn’t possibly blame myself but I do. This wasn’t an occasional peek at porn, if his addiction had been heroin he would be dead in a gutter some where. It had caused him to seriously neglect our kids and myself for a very long time. My husband has overcome his addiction and hasn’t so much as peeked in months with the help of God, myself, some friends and our pastor. This has helped him to become a very caring, loving husband and father. He is now a man I am proud to be married too. The problem is as he moved on to be a better man, he left me standing in my own insecurities. It took a lot of work to get me to a place where I could look myself in the mirror after my babies. Stupid silly me asked my husband every question I could think of about his addiction- desperate to know just how far it went, just how bad it got. Now I am left with the knowledge of all the women he has seen, all the positions he watched and all my friends and family he thought of lustfully. I feel like I will never ever compare. He treats me like royalty now, tells me without all of that junk in his head he sees just how beautiful I am and always was. What I hear is that now that he can’t see the beautiful women in porn he will settle for me. This is destroying me and I know I need help. I have to convince myself to eat most days and have lost quite a bit of weight in the past couple months. What the twins and the stretch marks and the mom skin couldn’t accomplish in killing my self esteem totally- my husbands addiction managed to do. I don’t know how to dig out of this hole, I don’t know how to heal. I do feel hopeful though, especially when I see my husband being so involved with the boys and when I see their gorgeous smiles. Thanks for reading.

My Journey to Motherhood (Carmel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

These photos were taken by my supportive and amazing husband Nathan. The photos are at 34 weeks, 39 weeks and the day of Arthur’s Birth.

I had a wonderful pregnancy. Even though I am a large woman I felt amazing when I was pregnant. The fact I had a life, our little miracle, growing inside me negated any body issue I previously had.

The Tuesday before I was due to give birth (we were due on the Friday) I had the urge to always wee. I went to the hospital for a check up and was told that it was possibly a urinary tract infection. The next day I lost my plug and saw a stand in OB as mine was on holidays. She said that I was 1cm dilated and not infection was present. She thought I would most probably give birth on Saturday. That night at 4am my waters broke and the realization that those Braxton hicks were actual contractions. My husband was fantastic packing the car and calling the hospital whilst I had one last relaxing shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Once there we were informed that I was 4 cm dilated. Things progressed quickly however because my son has so much hair the midwifes, doctors and OB could not get the monitor on his head nor could they feel which way he was facing. At 10am I was fully dilated and started to push. I pushed for over an hour without Arthur descending into the canal. The OB and midwifes strongly suggested an emergency c section. At 12.52pm my son was pulled out via c section. An amazing day!

~Age: 24 when I gave birth, now 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1,1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Arthur is 7 ½ months, 7 ½ months PP