Submissions

Missing my darling daughter, 15.5 weeks postpartum (Jillyn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Breech Baby, Child Loss, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 35 Comments

I have been meaning to take pictures and post on here for quite a while now, but with so much going on, i just haven’t found the inner strength or time.

When i was 20 weeks pregnant with our first child we had our first ultrasound and they found that i didn’t have any amniotic fluid. So a week later i finally had another ultrasound and the specialist fount that our baby had cysts in both their kidneys. He then told us our baby would not live. My husband and i were both devastated, but we decided to continue with the pregnancy and cherish every moment we had left with our child.

When i was about 28.5 weeks pregnant i ended up going to the ER for sever pain in my back. It turned out my kidney was inflamed and my growing uterus was causing it. They told me the only way to solve the problem would be to have our baby. The next day was my husbands college graduation and 2 days after that we were moving so we didn’t induce right away. After we were moved we set up an induction date for 2 weeks later because our 2 year wedding anniversary was going to be a week after we had moved.

They started the induction May 25th 2009 at 8pm when i was 32 weeks pregnant. On May 27th, 2009 at 5:17pm we gave birth to our daughter, Grace Carpi. She was so tiny, so perfect and angelic. The had been a frank breech so her little bum was all bruised, but other than that, she was just amazing. She weighed 2 lbs 14 oz and was 16 inches long. After she was born she tried to take a breath, she tried 6-8 times in the 10 minutes after she was born. But sadly, her lungs were not developed at all, so 10-15 minutes after she was born, she slipped away from us. She never let out a cry, never opened her eyes. The doctor has tried to tell us that she was a stillbirth, but after talking to other professionals and reading medical journals, we feel that our daughter indeed was alive and we will continue to fight for our right of a birth certificate.

I am 5’5″ and was 178 lbs before i was pregnant. I weighed 210-215 at the end of my pregnancy and now, 15.5 weeks postpartum i weigh 204-207 lbs. Because of my depression i feel it will take me a while go get down to my pre-pregnancy weight and even longer to get to my healthy weight (about 130-140 lbs). I got my first stretch mark at either 7w or 11w (i can’t remember) on my inner thigh. I got the ones on my stomach when i was 25 weeks pregnant. I also got more stretch marks on my hips and on my breasts. I went up a cup size during pregnancy, from a B to a C.

The last 15 and 1/2 weeks have been quite an emotional time for my husband and i. Not only did he just graduate from college, we moved, had our wedding adversary, gave birth to our daughter, buried our daughter, had my 22nd birthday, my husband left for orientation for a new job, we had a memorial for our daughter, went to talk to a panel of people at the hospital about receiving a birth certificate, and my husband left for 4 weeks of training for work. And during all of that we were and are still grieving the loss of our little girl. Some say we shouldn’t be a sad because we knew that she was going to die, but that doesn’t matter to us. We still lost our daughter, she still is not with us and we will miss her forever.

I am posting pictures of me before my pregnancy, at 28w 3d, at 32w (with Henna Tattoo from blessing way), pictures of Grace, and then pictures of me 15.5w postpartum and a picture of my first and worst stretch mark on my leg.

Updated here.

Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

For the longest time I was told I was not able to have children. My husband and I just put the thought away. Shortly after we were married I found out I was expecting. I was shock. It took awhile for it to set in. I have always been an active person but due to my job I was not able to go to the gym. So throughout my pregnancy I did very little. I started my pregnancy at 106 and stopped looking at my weight at 165. I know I weighed much more than that by the time I gave birth. My pictures I sent are 6 months PP. I still have some work to do to ton my stomach area a little but I am not in a huge rush. Spending time with my son is the most important thing to me. When I work out I try and incorporate him. We do a lot of stuff at home. It makes me feel good that I am taking time for myself to make sure I am healthy but also by doing it with my son. We recently starting some water classes. It is great to see his fearlessness!

Confidence took a blow! (Lizzy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

Age:23
Number of pregnancies:1
7 months post partum

Im from South africa,im 5″2 and pre pregnancy weight was 110lbs.
I loved my body.

Then April 2008 i fell pregnant with my first baby,a girl.My body changed but i didnt get stretchmarks,which im very gratefull for,i grew alot,my tummy was huge.
I gained 33 lbs and im currently 139lbs,which im not happy bout.When i look at myself in mirrors i start to bawl.

Theres just no time to exercise now.My husband loves the way i look.

But i dont.I love my daughther to bits though.
How can i make myself feel better bout myself?

Its amazing knowing my girl grew inside me,but cant accept the way i look.

The first pic is me 8 weeks pregnant(its says pre pregnancy but i didnt have a pp pic so i just use this one)

Second one is me 37 weeks pregnant

Third and fourth one is me 7 months pp

New Shape, New Life… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 live birth
Age of Child/postpartum: 25 months

I had only been graduated from high school for 6 months when I became pregnant with my son at age 18. I was a dancer for 13 years and never was a “stick” per say. I started high school in a size 4 an graduated in a size 12. I had body image issues which led into bulimia and anorexia. I was relieved when my baby bump started growing because I finally had an excuse to be “fat”. I only gained 9 lbs with my pregnancy. I lost a lot in the begining and I ate healthy throughout. When my son was born there was a smaller number immediately on the scale. I have had stretch marks ever since I remember because of such dramatic fluctuations in my weight and I was not surprised to see those little red marks appearing as the months passed. So in addition to a child, I have a belly flap/pooch, stretch marks on my thighs, hips, sides, stomach, arms, boobs, sides of knees, and a weird looking belly button. Over all, I like my body. I currently have 27 lbs to lose and a lot of toning to work on. My goal is to be bikini ready by next summer. I like my stretch marks. I call them “mommy marks”. No, I don’t have a flawless stomach with perfect abs, but I have a stomach of a mother, a nurturer, and a real woman. I would like to have tummy tuck after I birth all of my children, but I would never want all of my stretch marks to be removed (which I believe would be impossible). They are kind of like a trophy for me and if someone else can’t accept them then they can just move on and not look :). I am attaching a few photos.

8 months pregnant
25 months postpartum front
25 months postpartum side
25 months postpartum clothed
me and my son

14 Months Later (Linda)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Question, Submissions 6 Comments

I am 29 years old and first time mom to a beautiful 14 months old girl. I really don’t have any complaints about my body, the few stretch marks that showed up 2 weeks before I had her, seem so faint that really don’t bother me. Three months ago, my husband didn’t think I should be wearing a two piece bathing suit, but after he came back from military leave he mentioned how my stretch marks seem almost non existent. I’ve always felt very comfortable about my body, until someone mentions how thin I am. I’ve always been a thin petite woman, before Leah and now. The difference now, is that I am even thinner than before I had her, my breasts shrunk one size (I was a B cup and not i am an A) and my derriere completely disappeared. I’ve never felt so skinny in my life and I thought I was losing weight drastically due to breast feeding, so I quit (or she quit) when she was 10 months. I also had an IUD implanted 2 months post-partum, and I am beginning to think that this is the cause to my weight loss, loss of libido, shrunk breasts and hairy breasts!!!

I’ve lived with this for the past year, and this past year my life has been so busy, that I didn’t stop to think about my body changes until my husband came back from leave. He never mentions anything, he is absolutely perfect and he loves us and we love him. I eventually want to have another baby, but I want to know if what I am going through with this IUD is normal. I am thinking about taking it off, and hope my memory doesn’t fail me when I have to do the monthly contraceptives.

I would love to post pictures but I feel like somebody will find them! maybe next time…

2 Babies Later (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 8 Comments

When I was 17 I found out I was pregnant for the first time. My boyfriend and I were without a doubt scared beyond belief but also very excited about the new adventure we were about to take on. I found out I was pregnant April 2005. I was still in high school, but graduated with my class in June 2005. 6 months later our beautiful baby boy, Rayden, was born. It was a very long labour and delivery, lasting 47 hours. With the help of forceps and the vacuum, our son was born on December 12, 2005 at 2:34pm. He weighed in at 8lbs 14oz and 21 inches long.
Before I found out I was pregnant I was 4’11” and only weighed 120lbs. During my pregnancy I gained a lot of weight. I went from 120lbs to a whopping 198lbs the day of delivery. It took over 2 years to lose the baby weight.
Low and behold, October 13, 2008 I found out I was pregnant again! We were once again very excited. We were more prepared and had a much more steady life at that point. This pregnancy was much different, in every single way. I went from 115lbs to 147lbs the day of delivery. I was more achy and tired, and wanted nothing more than to sleep 9 months straight, however, a 3 year old doesn’t really allow that! But on June 23, 2009 at 6:37am our gorgeous daughter, Cairo, was born. She weighed in at 8lbs 7oz and 21inches after only 7 ½ hours of labour and 3 pushes later.
After this pregnancy though, I lost all the weight within 2 weeks. It literally fell off and all I was doing was sitting on the couch feeding our daughter and tending to our son when needed. This is a complete 180 turn around than with my son.
However, I am now 22 and have the stomach of a 70 year old woman that birthed 10 children. My skin not only sags, but is covered in stretch marks from hip to hip. But really, I have learned to love it. It is my battle wound; my proof of birthing 2 children successfully!

-Age 22
-2 Children:
Rayden Wolfgang Born: Dec 12, 2005
Cairo Sofia Born: June 23, 2009

Updated here, here, here and here.

A work in progress… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

I was so glad to come upon this site and will share it with other moms. I have ALWAYS struggled with my image, always have tried to keep up with the magazines, etc…..never really felt 100% confident except maybe my wedding day….I’m 5’3″ and weighed 120 in High School (really thin for me…Ive always had a more athletic build than a skinny one)….after college I was at 165lbs and worked really hard to get down to 135lbs for my wedding and felt really comfortable there. I gained 45lbs with my pregnancy and gave birth to my beautiful boy in February 2009. I’ve lost 30, but still have the remaining 15lbs that cant seem to go away. Its mostly in my stomach and thighs where I never carried weight in the past….it really bothers me on a daily basis and I wish it didnt. Im working hard to get it off….more excercise, less calories….I know it will come but its a struggle in the process:) Im so thankful for my baby boy but will feel so much better when the rest is gone!!! Its nice to see how others are dealing with the same:)

~Your Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 months

My body is wrecked (Elizabeth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Diastasis Recti, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 18 Comments

Number of pregnancies & births: Four
Ages of children: 9, 6, 3, and almost 5 months

B&W photo taken four month post-partum after fourth child
Beach photo taken 11 months post-partum after first child

I guess you could say I was proud of my body after the birth of my first child. I bounced back fairly quickly despite the severe case of PUPPPs and my fresh stretch marks. It only took a year before I was able to confidently wear a bikini and actually go out in public. With each subsequent pregnancy, I got more stretch marks, contracted PUPPPs two more times, and during my last pregnancy, I had severe diastasis recti. And with each pregnancy, I became more and more uncomfortable with my shape. I thought that I needed to be able to fit back into that bikini I proudly wore after my first son was born. I thought that I needed to be able to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans. In fact, I have a pile of jeans of varying sizes in my closet that still don’t fit, yet I hang on to them anyway. Perhaps I’m fooling myself into believing that I’m going to slim back down. Is it possible to be proud of a body that birthed four babies? I’m proud of what my body did. My body was able to labor and deliver four healthy children and nurse them all without complications. Who wouldn’t be proud of that? But in this culture where celebrity mothers emerge months after birth looking radiant and toned, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable when I look in the mirror at nine-year-old stretch marks, scars, and an abdomen that sags over even my largest pair of pre-pregnancy pants.

Don’t know what to think…… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

I found out I was pregnant in March 2007 and I gave birth to my beautiful daughter November 2008. I am now almost 10 month PP and I still don’t know what to think of my body. Some days are good and I think I look great and others I just want to cover every inch and go sulk in a corner. I think it may be becoming a problem because i’ve noticed everytime (and I do mean EVERYTIME) I see a woman in a bikini or even sweat pants and a t- shirt and she has a great body, I just feel disgusted with myself and wonder why I cant make myself get down to a reasonable size. My husband says I look great which does help but sometimes I wonder if he’s just saying it to make me feel better. I just don’t know what to think anymore.

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies/births: 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
10 months PP

Finally Learning to Love Me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

I am 20 years old and gave birth to my beautiful daughter on August 9th, 2009. I loved being pregnant but was so afraid of how I would feel about my postpartum body…in the past I have suffered from body image issues and bulimia which I was slowly recovering from when I discovered that I was pregnant. My biggest fear was that I would look and feel worse than ever about myself after the baby and go back to my old harmful ways of binging, purging and abusing laxatives to try to lose weight.

But the most AMAZING thing has happened: by experiencing the astounding process of growing my daughter inside my body, and then giving birth to her and seeing this PERFECT little creature that I made!- I find myself feeling so much respect and awe for my womanly body and all that it is capable of. Something I have never felt before….I feel Beautiful and Strong and I’m (mostly) okay with the fact that I don’t look perfect. I am capable of being gentle with myself for the first time.

Instead of constantly putting myself down and thinking I’m ugly and I should eat less and try harder and I’ll never be good enough, etc., etc……I am surprised now when I find myself thinking “Good job, you’re doing fine. Take it easy.”….

I HATED myself at 115 lbs, thought I was fat and ugly and no one could ever love me, and now at 142 I’ve never felt so beautiful, happy and worthy of love in my whole life. My body that I loathed so much has made my wonderful daughter for me and I will never intentionally hurt it again.

Just wanted to share :)

These pictures are of me 1 month PP.

Updated here.