Submissions

My Body and the Lies (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PUPPP Rash, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

number of pregnancies and births: 1 (boy)
age:18
7 months post partum

I gave birth to a handsome and precious baby boy. He was 7 lbs and 9 oz. Right now he is 7 months old and i now know how it feels to have my heart living outside of my body. Im with him 24/7 and even though im exhausted at the end of the day, i adore every moment. The things im ddevastated about are my body and the fact that now im the typical teen mom you know? I’m 18 now but i had him at 17. I was 16 and pregnant and boy, did i suffer from nausea, vomiting, fainting, fatigue, puppp (a rash), etc. I never thought i’d be the one to get pregnant. At 14 i was in an early college taking college classes and doing high school at the same time. I just knew i was gonna be somebody. My whole family seems to have turned out succesful. There are doctors, engineers, journalists, teachers, etc. When i was barely 14 i met the man that i fell in love with and it might sound crazy and insane, but it happens. We were in a long distance for 2 years and now we are going on 4 years of being together! we have gone through hell because the long distance was so hard to deal with and no one understood that. I feel like people who go through long distance dont get enough credit. we’ve been through great and horrible times. He is a great man and I still get butterflies in my stomach when i hear him coming up the steps after a long day of work. Hes a hard worker, a great daddy and a loving future husband. But i still somehow feel like i am not enough sometimes. I was 100lbs before having our first baby with a flat tummy and overall happy. i never had to watch what i ate. Now evrrything has changed. I feel disgusting when I see my stomach and it is sad because that part of my body is what once held my son. I did an amazing thing in this world and im complaining about my body? I just feel so horribly sad when I feel so insecure and i feel like my boyfriend will eventually get bored of my body and want someone else who’s beautiful. When i was smaller i was in a Vogue magazine and sometimes id love to try to get into modeling, but then i remember how my body looks and id probably get laughed at if i went to an audition. Even though i get told all the time that im beautiful and that i look like a doll, i dont feel attractive. I am generally happy with my face and parts of my body, but then all of a sudden BAM! I get these sudden thoughts about how disgusting i feel and sometimes how fat I look. I have good days and bad days. A lot of the time i try to lie to myself that its not that bad although i know that for me, it is. I had my son in august, so since it was extremely hot, i lost weight super fast after having him. right before i had him i weighed 140 lbs! And now i am 120. But since im short i feel like it just looks like too much. Sometimes i still look pregnant and i still wear a gyrtle. When my boyfriend and I get intimate, i feel like he shouldnt look at me and i just want to hide. I want to look as sexy and beautiful as i can for him but i feel like a huge failure. Im 18 and i already Have a belly full of stretch marks and wrinkles? I feel like maybe he just acts like he loves it because he doesnt want to hurt me. The weird part that my head will not understand and sometimes the frustration makes me cry, is that he is always all over me telling me how good i look and how much he wants me, but i feel like anyone who really saw how i look will say it looks gross. My mom, sister, aunt, and mother in law all made a grossed out face when they saw my tummy after the baby. So how can my boyfriend say it looks good to him and how can he want me like he does? Anyone in their right mind would say it looks bad! When we go out somewhere and a beautiful girl walks by, my heart burns and turns into coal because i just know sometimes he might desire a girl like that. He might compare and thats what scares me. I feel so small when i see someone who looks great and they look confident and i just dont. I dont know what to do. I know working out will help, but i know i wont get a flat tummy unless i get surgery or something because my muscles are so far apart. Im actually content with my legs and stuff so if i work out, i might lose weight everywhere else, get more stretch marks, and at the end still have a hanging stomach. What do i do? I dont know, because there are bigger things to worry about but this knaws at me Every. Single. Day.

Favorite Pair of Jeans (Rachel S.)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Polyhydramnios, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins 6 Comments

Reposted by request, originally posted at The Swanson Life

I miss those favorite pair of jeans.

You know the ones you put on and they feel just right. Comfortable, sexy, and accentuates your figure perfectly. Those sweet little favorites of mine have been hanging in the back of my closet, quietly awaiting the day when I can put them on again. My sad little favorite pair of jeans… still hanging… since 3 years ago.

Add to that my favorite little jackets that fit too snugly in my arms now. The tight fitted shirts that now accentuate too much of my hanging post pregnancy belly—making me look like I’m 4-5 months pregnant again. Oh and my sparkly necklaces and bracelets that I have to avoid for fear of my twin toddlers or 5 month old baby girl yanking them off my neck and wrists, strangling me in the process.

My favorites now are my black maternity leggings or stretchy yoga pants that hide the extra girth I’ve gained down under. I love flowy lose-fitted tops that hide my squishy ill-formed belly and makes it easier to nurse that sweet baby girl of mine. And to hide those sausage arms of mine I’ve resorted to ¾ sleeve cover-ups or tops that drape ever so loosely off the shoulder.

But oh how I love these sweet babies of mine.

042015-rachels-1

And I would never trade these post-pregnancy issues of mine if it meant not having my sweet twin boys and happy baby girl. But man were those pregnancies ROUGH on me—in many ways—but specifically physically. Having a twin pregnancy, and then polyhydramnios with BOTH pregnancies, you can imagine how far my stomach had to stretch. Actually you don’t even have to imagine…check out these pictures!

39 weeks single pregnancy polyhydramnios

042015-rachels-2

35 weeks with twins and polyhydramnios

042015-rachels-3

WOW.

With these pregnancies of mine came lots of permanent changes to my body, which I’m starting to force myself to be OK with. I’m learning I’m not alone in this, that there are many women out there experiencing the same changes to their bodies after pregnancy that just won’t go away with diet and exercise. Some things that are simply not reversible. Even with the ever increasingly popular plastic surgeries that women are getting, it still may not do everything you want it to do.

And so, we need to learn to love ourselves again; our new body, our new scars, new marks and new figure—which may be our new image now. We will never be our 20 year old bodies again. Our bodies are meant to grow, reach its peak, and then meant to start the process of breaking down. I’m not saying to “let go” of yourself and give up working out and eating healthy to get back into shape again. But I think we need to be realistic of ourselves.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones where your pregnancies were easy and your body is the same as it was before you started having babies. And maybe you look even BETTER than you did before you had kids, which is totally awesome!

BUT to those who feel like me and are struggling to gain your sense of self-esteem and beauty again when you look at your naked body in the mirror, or try on your old clothes that don’t fit or look cute on you anymore due to the toil of pregnancies—I’m speaking to you.

You’re not alone.

I’m trying to remember that my beauty is not simply on the outside. There is an inner beauty to each of us that is more important to develop and nurture than what we see on the outside. Something that won’t cripple with age but merely becomes more beautiful over time if we continue to cultivate it.

I want to be that older woman with a sparkle still in her eyes, smile lines around her face from years of laughter, strong wrinkly hands that show the hard work of motherhood—and exude a joy that surpasses any of life’s circumstances. This doesn’t happen by chance, but is a choice I have to make and continue to make daily. To love myself. And not in a narcissistic way. But love the person God has created me to be:

A mommy of twins and a baby girl—all under 2—gaining patience and strength through mothering that I never knew I had.

A woman struggling with depression but learning through Gods word and his teachings how to gain control over it instead of it controlling me.

A wife who serves her husband with thankfulness instead of discontentment with the stresses of life.

A friend who encourages and uplifts others to reach their full potential in life instead of breaking
them down by gossiping to others about their issues.

I want to be the kind of woman that exudes love to others, and in order to do that I need to begin to love myself again. I can do this best by remembering Gods love for me, that he loves me no matter what—the good and the bad. No matter how unlovable I think I am. This applies to all of you as well.

A quote from Mother Teresa, a woman with some of the greatest inner beauty, bestowing so much love to all she came in contact with, setting an amazing example, I believe for all women to follow said this…

“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

I will keep working on my inner beauty since that is more important than what I see on the outside. However, I will still be working towards trying to fit in my favorite pair of jeans again…

Samuel 16:7 “The LORD does not look at the things [woman] looks at. [Woman] looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Triplet Belly Update (Kathryn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Triplets, Update 3 Comments

One of the most popular stories here at SOAM was Kathryn’s, in which she shared photos of her triplet belly at all stages. We have become friends on Facebook over the years and recently she posted this picture. With her permission I’m sharing it here along with some of the details she wrote about it. Love this, mama. Thank you for being a voice in our community. <3 kathrynfacebook

Because I was laughing at my side abs, I thought I’d share. Most, if not all, of you have seen the last belly pic from 3 months after the babies. This is 8 1/2 years later! I’ll eventually get my muscles repaired and the extra skin taken off, but I’m pleased for now.

The diastasis did not fix itself, despite doing the proper exercises, the wraps, etc…, but it usually doesn’t cause me much pain. Just really makes me look a couple months pregnant and prevents me from doing things like planks or crunches (not that I would willingly anyway…) The excess skin also, obviously, did not shrink. That is more annoying, mainly because I can get it caught in a zipper if I’m not paying attention. It gets really itchy when I’m hot and I’ve gotten a minor yeast infection in that skin before, but it’s not as bad as some women’s and I don’t have reoccuring or chronic skin issues due to the excess. Getting it fixed is really purely a vanity thing for me. It won’t change my daily life if I never do. I just always wear long non-sheer tanks or shirts because I don’t like it to be seen.

When/if I ever get it repaired, I will likely do breast implants at the same time, again for vanity. I had really big boobs before my 5th and they’re really not big, at all, now. Totally normal, of course, and it won’t bother me if I never do it. But I figure if they’re going to be cutting, might as well, lol. Just because of the super high cost of a non-covered diastasis repair and tummy tuck (around $8000, last I checked), it will be a long time yet. Probably another 10 years or so.

Also, the muscle separation and excess skin have added several inches to my waistline. Not a big deal, of course, just goes along with it. I’m at my triplet pre-pregnancy weight, but wearing 2-4 sizes bigger only because of my waist.

Whenever people go “I can’t believe you ever carried triplets! You’re so tiny!”, I always want to lift up my shirt and show them my belly, lol

Motivation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 19 Comments

Hello beautiful mommys! I found this site because I wanted to find ladies just like me. Mother’s who went through a lot physically and mentally. Woman whose bodies changed. I’m really just here to inspire some of you mama’s out there. Give you a little bit of motivation, encouragement. Here is my story. I am 21 years old and have 2 baby girls. The oldest is 2 and the youngest is 5 months. I have always been a very fit and athletic gal but during both my pregnancies I haven’t worked out or did anythjng. Tho I gained about 30 lbs e ch pregnancy my stomach has been stretched to the max and back 2 times!!! I was always self conscious about my stretch marks and body after my babies but i knew I wanted to do something about it instead of complain and weep about it. I started a new diet and workout regimen for myself and I absolutely feel better and sexier. I realized I can have stretch marks but i would rather be in shape and proud of my mommy belly. My belly was home for my girls and I wouldnt Change that for the world. I worked my ass off and hard work pays off! Though I am yet where I want to be I am proud how far I got. And I know if you open up your heart and mind you can do anything you want. Anything is ever so possible and you will become the happy healthy proud mommy for you and your kids. Just never give up hope and never settle for less ;) every mama is beautiful and the human body is truely an incredible thing. It really will amaze you on what the body can accomplish and do! If I can do it so can you just takes time, practice and patience. Whats your excuse? :)

A pain I would never wish on anyone. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Eating Disorder, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 29

Number of pregnancies: 1

Number of births: 0

It’s very hard for me to write about my experience because I’m a very private person. That being said, I don’t know if my heart can withstand all the pain and sadness I’m feeling, so I figure it’s best to try and get it out.

I met my husband 10 years ago. We dated for a long time before getting engaged, and we were engaged for a long time before getting married. I really wanted kids right after we got married, but we waited because we wanted the timing to be such that we were more financially stable, more mature, more confidant in ourselves. We wanted to set ourselves up to be the best possible version of ourselves before we had a baby. It was hard waiting, but I was so excited when we finally felt ready.

What worried me about getting pregnant is my history of anorexia and bulimia. My self esteem, especially self image, is incredibly fragile and delicate. I am overcome with feelings of inadequacy about myself, my accomplishments, and my looks. I was worried what my body would look like after I had a baby, but then I was so angry at myself for feeling like this, and kept thinking that I would never let my future child see how much I struggled; how I would lay in bed and cry when I felt like I ate too much that day, or how I would work out at the gym until I felt physically sick to assuage my guilt for eating a hamburger or some ice cream. I couldn’t handle the thought of my future child learning to self loathe based on how they saw me treat myself.

January 2015 finally seemed like the right time to start. I work in healthcare, so I’m familiar with the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy. I started prenatal vitamins a full cycle before we started trying to conceive. Once we started trying, I cut caffeine down to one 8 oz cup a day. I stopped drinking. I was very careful about exposure to radiation in the workplace. I stopped using my face cream because it had a vitamin A derivative in it and I didn’t want to chance it. I worried about the sunscreen I was using and if the ingredients were potential endocrine disrupters for my developing baby. I washed my hands like crazy to minimize exposure to pathogens. I stopped eating deli meat. I even stopped green tea because I was afraid that my prenatal folic acid wouldn’t get absorbed properly, so I stuck to water. Whenever I went out to eat, I’d bug the servers and ask if the cheese they served is pasteurized.

After one month of trying to conceive, we got pregnant. I was so happy that it happened so quickly, and so scared, because all I could worry about was miscarriage. Scheduling my prenatal visit at 8 weeks seemed like forever. I stopped my one cup of coffee, stuck with my workouts at the gym as best I could (though exhaustion prevented me from running as much). Every day was constant fear of wiping and seeing blood, but I was always OK.

Until that first appointment.

My baby measured 2 weeks behind at 6 weeks when it should have been 8. My doctor was cautious and said things could go either way. There was a heartbeat, but he couldn’t measure it. He scheduled me for a follow up in a week. He also said my cervix was friable, so when I spotted dark brown the next few days, I didn’t worry because I figured the pap smear and the transvaginal ultrasound had irritated my cervix.

But then 4 days later, the spotting became heavier, and it was red. I went to my obgyn that morning and the baby still had a heartbeat, but it was slow. He still couldn’t measure it. The baby had grown over those few days, but the bleeding was a bad sign. He said I have an 80% chance of miscarriage.

So here I am today. It is the afternoon of the appointment where I was told my baby is almost certainly going to die. My heart hurts. My head hurts. Everything inside me hurts. It’s wrong to judge people, but I can’t help but feel angry at all the women I’ve seen throughout my career in healthcare who have so blatantly abused themselves and have had healthy babies. Women who have done meth, heroin, Percocet, and smoked while they were pregnant only to have healthy babies. I just wonder why my baby can’t be healthy when I have tried so hard to do everything “right.”

I don’t care if I get stretch marks or varicose veins. I don’t care about gaining weight now. I just want to meet my baby, to hold it and love it and hopefully teach it to love itself the way I never loved myself.

I hope things work out for me and my husband after this entire heartbreaking ordeal. Thank you so much for reading my story.

Skinny Girl Gone Wrong (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 7 Comments

Hello, can i just say thank you so much for creating this website, it actually brought me to tears to see other women feeling the same as me, and being so proud of their bodies! :) Before my son i was a tiny toned size 6, with a large perk chest. my son was 10lb and from 20 weeks pregnant my stretch marks had taken over my stomach, and after breast feeding my chest could hold an entire pencil case under it! I was about 1 stone heavier for the first two years after pregnancy, but am now back to my original weight. But its not the weight that bothers me, my stomach is now made up of loose folding skin and deep dark stretch marks, in honesty i have gotten used it to now, but unfortunately my husband has not… its not like he tells me hes not attracted to me but its things like one month after i had my son we went out for halloween, my costume was tighter than i had hoped it would be, but my sisters had told me it looked great, it was all in my head, wen i showed my husband the costume an hour before we were due to leave, his face said it all, he didnt even try to make me feel better, i remember crying in the bathroom with cling film tightly wrapped around my waist in a desperate attempt ( my husband helped me wrap it) thinking how can i go out looking like this? I ended up coming home an hour after going out. My older sister has always been an inspiration to me, she had two children at the time and she too had suffered stretch marks badly, we all took the kids swimming (my sons first time and mine since having a baby, he was around 3 months old) my sister wore a bikini and her confidence rocked it! She told me to wear a bikini and not give a s*** what others thought, and i remember thinking the old me wouldnt let it bother her, but because my husband was going i wore a huge swimming costume and still hid behind my son when i was getting in and out of the water. We had almost zero sex once my bump started to show, and even less after my son. We split up shortly after that (for other reasons) and it wasnt until we broke up i realised how badly hed made me feel about myself, i slowly started to get back to my self, wearing clothes i would of before, doing my hair again, i even started to date. I couldnt have sex with my partner for 3 months as i was so embarassed of my body, and when we did i was waiting for this disgusted looked, but no, he loved my body, it honestly didnt seem to faze him at all, and it made me feel beautiful again. Fast forward and my now husband and i got back together, the relationship is better than i ever imagined, and i am very happy but the body issues remain. If i wear a dress that is tight and shows my stomach isnt toned hel say it looks gd but then stare at my stomach with that look he does (im not paranoid, this look should be in the dictionary next to ‘grossed out’) He wont do doggie in bed because he cant put his hands on my waist because hel feel my stomach, and if he accidentily does hel pull his hand away like i have fleas! he wont look at me if i am naked in a lit room or getting changed. He complains i dont wear sexy clothes or lingerie any more, do you know how hard it is to find lingerie that supports a sagging chest this size and covers 90% of your stomach? I do, and then they dont even look like lingerie! Or super skinny jeans that wont just push all of my fat up and over? And when i do dress the way i think hel like, i spend the whole time feeling self conscious and constantly checking myself for flabs. I am looking into plastic surgery again, i had considered it when we were together before, but now that i think about it i never even thought of it when we were seperated. And now it absolutely breaks my heart when he encourages it, the one person in the world i want to love my body and he hates it, it doesnt matter how much i diet or excercise, or how i dress, when it gets down to it, i just dont do it for him any more. I dont even think its that it makes me feel bad about myself, i think its that i love him so unconditionally, i would never make him feel like that, i would love him if he gained 200 lb! Ive dated men with all different appearances, many times people assumed i was using them for some thing due to the difference in our appearance, but it didnt even register with me because i loved and cared for that person, so i just loved their appearance too! Now my concern is do i want this surgery for me or for him? I think of myself as a strong minded woman, i would never change myself or my beliefs for any one but myself, but am i now sacrificing that strong woman (that cost me a lot of popularity points in school) for some one else? But is it his fault? Can he help not finding me attractive any more? Is it selfish of me to just label him an unsupportive husband because hes honest about it? What if his face was horribly deformed and i couldnt bring myself to kiss him, would i encourage him to go under the knife? I guess in summary for those women whos husbands truly love them unconditionally, you are blessed, make sure you cherish that love because so many are desperate for it! Anonymous :)

The difference between two and one- having a singleton after twins! (Lindsay)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins, VBAC 2 Comments

My first pregnancy, with twins, was scary. At 18 weeks, doctors suspected the possibility of TTTS (Twin-to-twin Transfusion Syndrome). I was put on a strict bed rest, and was only able to leave the house for twice-weekly ultrasounds. Long story short, Baby A’s diastolic blood flow ended up reversing at 31 weeks which resulted in an emergency c-section, 2 and 3 lb babies, a 2 month NICU stay, multiple surgeries, and a roller coaster of emotions.

Despite the hardships we faced with preemies, my c-section experience was not bad. In fact, I thought it was relatively easy. Of course, the recovery was slow, but I certainly did not have a traumatic surgery experience. I had thought if I ever had another baby, that I would definitely opt for another section. But, when I became pregnant again with baby #3, the idea of a VBAC was something that I began to consider. This was likely the last time I would ever be pregnant- I would hate to regret not experiencing labor and delivery the “normal” way. So, I made the decision to attempt a VBAC.

This pregnancy was smooth. Oh, what a difference there was between a twin pregnancy and a singleton pregnancy! I felt great, exercised regularly and ate healthy. Baby measured perfect at every appointment and I easily made it full term. It was a dream pregnancy, really! I was worried about how labor might go- I had never felt a contraction with my twin pregnancy since they were delivered so prematurely. But, people told me I would “know” when it was time. And, boy, did I ever! I labored at home for a few hours and finally decided it was time to go in. When I got there, I was shocked to hear that I was fully dilated! It was time to break my water and push! That also meant there was no time for an epidural. Wait… what?! I had certainly planned on getting one! I immediately thought I couldn’t handle it and the thought of just opting for the c-section crossed my mind briefly. But the pain was so intense, I couldn’t even care. My husband, mom, sisters and mother-in-law were at my side. My doctor arrived shortly after, broke my water, and I began to push.

I wish I could tell you that the rest of the story was calm and relaxed; that I simply listened to my body and gently delivered a beautiful baby. But… that wasn’t quite the case! My experience was beautiful… but it wasn’t calm. There is really no way to describe it. It was the most intense thing I have ever gone through. I may have used some colorful language and called my doctor a liar when she told me I was doing good. I may have even begged to stop and go home a few times. But, an hour and a half of pushing later, our baby girl was born. The memory of the pain just a few short minutes before completely disappeared. I had done it. I not only achieved a VBAC, but I did it completely unmedicated and naturally. I didn’t even have so much of an IV. I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, full-term baby. I was in love and in awe. I was proud and empowered. Giving birth is a truly amazing experience.

Today, my shape might not be what it once was. My stomach isn’t quite as flat, and traces of the deep stretch marks I once had still linger. But, I LOVE my shape. I love what my body was able to create, the pain it was able to endure, and the miracles it produced. While those miracles may have been what was responsible for stretching my body as far as it could go, it is also responsible for getting it to the shape it is now. Yes, I have three children. Yes, I have stretch marks. Yes, I exercise daily. Yes, health and fitness is a priority to me. And that is FOR my children, not BECAUSE of them. I don’t care what the number on the scale says- I just want to be here, healthy and active, running around the playground, coaching softball teams, playing tag, cuddling, carrying, and loving my babies for a long, long time to come!

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 3 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years old and 5 months old (5 months postpartum)

A Male Perspective (Anonymous Dad)

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Submissions 19 Comments

I am a man, and I while I know this is a site for women, I have a story to share. Whether you chose to post it is at your discretion, but I am hopeful you will read what I have to say and perhaps offer some advice.

My wife has given birth to two wonderful, beautiful children. She is an amazing person who is absolutely devastated by the state of her breasts. She rarely takes her shirt off when we make love, and putting on a bra or a shirt can send her into an emotional tailspin that takes her days to recover from.

Her body recovered remarkably from the first pregnancy, and she became pregnant again quite quickly again. The second pregnancy was the one that really changed her body. Her breasts became hugely engorged while breastfeeding. I cannot say what the size was, but they were gigantic. She was a B cup before the kids.

She is five, almost six years PP, and her stomach is completely flat. She has very few stretch marks and they are all very short and thin. She has a tiny spot of cellulite on one butt cheek and a few more stretch marks on her hips but really, nothing you wouldn’t notice unless you were being intimate with her. She looks the same as when we met which is athletic, healthy, beautiful and super sexy.

I recognize that many women define a great deal of their femininity through their breasts. Hers have lost their perkiness, their firmness, and they are more saggy than they were before she was pregnant. I also cannot even begin to fathom how she feels or what she is thinking outside of what she has told me, or what I have gleaned through her body language.

She has said some of the same things I have read here. She feels gross. She hates her body. She has even said that she would rather cut her breasts off than have them be how they are.
As for me, I can only tell her what I honestly feel, and my hope is that the other women on this site will hear these things from the men in their lives.

When you look at yourself you tend to only see the flaws, the things you want to change. the mirror is lying to you and telling you to conform to the ideal set forth by the media. Real women do not look like the lies you see every day. Real women are not photoshopped pieces of plastic. Real women have saggy breasts. Real women have stretch marks. Real women have cellulite and wonky nipples. Real women come in all shapes and sizes.

But most of all real men know this. Real men understand that what counts is what is in your mind and in your heart. Sure. I am a man, and I have visual queues that peak my interest, but that does not mean I have the expectation that my reality has to conform to the fantasy.
When I see my wife, I see the most beautiful woman in the world. I see the woman who suffered the scars to birth my babies, who nourished them, who gave her body to them so they could grow and come into the world and bring me all the pride and joy and wonderment I could ever imagine.

Real men do not want a manufactured doll that never changes. A real man wants a woman that grows into her mature womanhood. A woman who is lovely because of the emotion and intelligence she develops through the process of becoming a mother.

I know not all men are respectful or kind, and I know this is small condolences when the mirror is lying to you, but please. Ladies. Sexy is a state of mind, not a matter of dimensions or expectations.

I promise.

Young Mum of 2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

Age 24
Children aged 2 & 4
Both c-section

I met my husband at 19, yes I was young but the way I see it is that way I get to spend even more of my life with him, I’m lucky. I fell pregnant within 5 months of being together and we were extremely happy.

My first pregnancy: I had plenty of problems during first pregnancy, lots of heavy bleeding and then found out when I was a week overdue that our daughter was breech. Luckily when I went into labour the drs rushed me in for an emergency c-section and she was born, a healthy 9lb baby!

The complications continued and when my scar didn’t heal properly I ended up with a hole in my tummy for over 11 weeks after the Birth. Now considering I had put on a mighty 4 stone during pregnancy this didn’t help as I couldn’t exercise to shift the weight. I ate poorly and I believe this is where my issues with my body really began.

I know I’m not alone when I say that looking at your body after having a baby is just horrific at first. I have stretch marks on nearly every part of my body. Excess skin on my tummy which I now live with everyday. And I’m not saying I would change it because obviously my children are the most important thing in my life. However it’s a daily battle looking in the mirror.

Going back to my pregnancies. After 18 months I fell pregnant again accidentally and it terrified me that my body would change yet again!

I managed to keep my weight gain down to 2 and a half stone this time and kept active and ate healthy.

All went well and I had another beautiful little girl, by emergency c section again.

This was when I really stepped it up a gear. Exercising so much that I had no energy. Hardly eating so that my weight plummeted.

I wasn’t happy with how my body now looked and nothing was helping. Exercise and lack of eating was making me even more miserable but when everyone says ‘wow you have lost all your baby weight so fast’ it was like a massive compliment every time and it spurred me on.

I was about 10lbs underweight and looked awful. I can say that now because I can see it but at the time I just fixated on getting my pre baby body back. I know now this is just impossible.

In the last 6 months I’ve tried to eat more and although I still exercise a lot I am aiming to be strong for my children. Both mentally and physically.

Everyday we are surrounded by images, slogans, articles, celebrities promoting ‘skinnyness’ and it’s just so damaging.

It was damaging for me and I just don’t want my daughters growing up thinking there is only one way to be beautiful and it’s by being skinny.

I still struggle everyday as I’m sure every mum does. I now try and look in the mirror and focus on something I like. It’s hard. And not everyday it works. But I do it.

I know I won’t be alone. I just hope that one day I will find a comfortability in my post baby body.

022515-anon-1

Terrible self image, despite healing well. 1st baby. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

1 child, 5 months PP

I am 23 and gave birth to my gorgeous baby girl 5 months ago. I love her more than life itself but have struggled with the effect on my body- softer stomach and saggier boobs :( I was lucky to only get very small stretchmarks underneath my belly button and they are now barely noticeable. My baby girls delivery was natural and the pregnancy was fine although I developed antenatal depression in my 3rd trimester and spent most of the pregnancy worrying excessively about my babies health. I didnt really gain much weight during the pregnancy, I went up a dress size and seemed to retain alot of water, the excess weight seemed to drop off post birth however I feel my posture is utterly horrendous from looking after a baby and carrying one for 9 months and despite recovering well body wise my self image is in tatters, I feel fat and ugly all the time even when done up (this never occured before) and my face has been ravaged by sleep deprivation- I have that ‘mumsy’ look now that tbh I always hated. My boobs seem to have shrunk even though I only breastfed for a few weeks. I feel guilty even feeling bad about myself post birth as many women have it a lot worse than me.. It doesnt help that sometimes my vagina feels ‘numb’ during sex aswell! Nightmare. I enjoy dancing and exercise and am hoping to incorporate it more in order to feel like ‘me’ again and maybe tone up a bit, I am just always so tired and busy these days! I am in a bit of a rush here anyway but just thought I’d post my story. Hugs to everyone going through similar feelings :)

Pics:
1. me when I had the time and energy to put make up on- and a good nights sleep! age 21
2. me age 22 26 weeks pregnant with my baby :)
3. me pre baby age 21
4. 5 months post partum- wouldnt even show my knackered face now!