Second Pregnancy

Aussie Mum of One! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1 abortion
Births: 1 beautiful boy
Postpartum: 22 months

Growing up, I was always a tiny build. People always assumed I had an eating disorder because I was so little but I guess I was just lucky, I could eat anything I wanted and my body couldn’t seem to store it. When I was 18, I was in a serious relationship with a guy who at the time I thought was wonderful. We moved in together and shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want to be a father and I was young and scared and ended up letting him talk me into having an abortion. I ended up pretty depressed afterwards and I ended up putting on about 20kg. I broke up with him when I was 20 and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I lost about 12kg and for the first time in my life I actually liked my body. I had nice curves, I finally had decent boobs!

Then in April 2008 I had a brief fling with someone I fell head over heels for and that resulted in pregnancy. I had made my mind up that I would continue the pregnancy because there was no way I was putting myself through another abortion. After speaking to the father and spending about 2 weeks crying my eyes out while he begged and pleaded with me to terminate, I told him my decision isn’t going to change so deal with it. He didn’t like the decision and to this day he still has had nothing to do with me or my son. I spent the first half of my pregnancy with my head in the toilet bowl (whoever called it ‘morning sickness’ was clearly wrong because I had it 24/7!!). As a result of not being able to eat or drink anything without it coming back up, I ended up losing about 5-6kg. By the end of my pregnancy, I had put that weight back on, plus an extra 13kg! I loved my pregnant body, I was pretty lucky that my growing belly seemed to be the only weight I put on.

Christmas eve 2008 started with me going into labour. 13 hours of me walking around and around and around (I wasn’t dilating quick enough) and the doctors were able to break my waters. 5 hours later my beautiful son arrived into the world just after midnight on christmas morning weighing a nice 6lb 13oz.
Within a few months I somehow got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But then postnatal depression reared its ugly head and I’ve now put about 10kg on and i completely hate the way I look. My legs feel like tree trunks, my belly wobbles, my boobs sag, I now have love handles.. I can’t stand the way I look. Everyone tells me I look fine the way I am but they don’t see whats under the clothes. They don’t see what I see in the mirror. My self confidence is completely shattered by how I see myself, not to mention that I am a single mum and no guy is ever going to want to take me on when I have a child. I already know that no one will want me, as soon as a man hears I’m a mother they run a mile.

I CAN Love Me, Finally (E)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

This is a story about love,loss,,discovery and my young body’s journey through motherhood. I guess you can say my journey to motherhood has not been the easiest, but I wouldnt trade the expeirences I’ve had at my young age for anything. I found out I was pregnant with my first child a week before my 15th birthday. I found out while hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I was in the tenth grade,a straight A student, and a very battered little girl. I knew I was pregnant before they even told me, mothers intuition I suppose. As soon as it was a reality, a switch went off and I became this super woman. A strong and confident side of myself I had never encountered before. At the time I was broken up with the father, but right away we had the pressure to “make it work for the baby sake”, which I had a ” whatever” attitude about over the next 8 months. I was an extremely athletic cheerleader. I was 5’3 and 105lbs. Which for my build, was underweight. Ribs and backbones protruding etc. Which oddly was the most confident I had ever been about my body in my entire life. Ive always had a horrible body image for as long as I can remember. At 34 weeks pregnant I found out my son had a heart defect, I was born and raised in Alaska and they didnt have any doctors that could treat a condition of that severity, so I had one day to go home, pack, and ship myself and my mother off to Seattle. Long story short, I had a horrible birth and UW Hospital 9/11/2006 and my beautiful baby boy was immideatly taken to Childrens Hospital. I stopped weighing myself at 185lbs 6 weeks prior to his birth. I literally felt like two of myself. I went from a 34A to a 38DD. My son had open heart surgery at 4 days old, left the hospital at 3 weeks old, and spent 3 weeks at home in Alaska with us before his time here ran out. He was the most precious person I have ever encoutered and changed my life forever. I lost 30lbs right after delivery, but after his loss, I was left with ” this big,fat,strecthed out version of my old self” In my eyes I was huge going from a size 00 to a size 12 and then not having my sweet baby was a recipe for depression. I managed to get myself down to about 130(due to stress mostly) and 9 months post-partum with my son, I found my self pregnant again, this time a sweet baby girl, at the ripe age of 16. Her pregnancy was amazing, I was still self consious but I didnt really show with her until almost my 7th month and after her beautiful water birth, my healthy baby girl was here on 3/1/2008. Mine and her fathers relationship was one for the record books. He was an addict,thief,liar, and everything in between. I raised my daughter by myself, despite the fact we were actually together. After nearly 3 years of abuse I had enough, I took my daughter and moved to Washington from NC(long story how we ended up there), he was soon on his way here, all of a sudden about my daughter. He managed to come and do his damage here aka drug me, rape me, and take pictures and then leave the state. I was mortified ( found the pictures in his jeans pocket, eww). I filed charges and he skipped across the country, never looking back. After years of never “being good enough” skinny enough, flat enough, to deserve to be faithful or loving to. Once he was out of my life, I was left with, What the hell do I do now. What guy at my age is going to be interested in a battered, single mother, and an 18 year old body that has been torn apart by babies? In steps prince charming :). My body took along time to recover from two babies in 18 months. I was left saggy, stretched marked from breast to calf,cellulite, and so self critical it was sickening.At random my crush from middle school(who was everyones crush) messaged me just to say hi, and then began talking to me rather frequently and for the first time in a long time I just let my guard down and let him see the good, the bad, and the ugly right from the start. Assuming he would run away kicking and screaming I kept going, he kept staying. He was a risk,a ladies man, life of the party, insatiably good looking, and everything I never had the confidence to go after previously. This man fell in love with me just the way I was, stretched marked, battered and broken, and told me everyday what a beautiful person I was. At a time I should have felt my best I was more body conscious then ever.This body was not what he was used to looking at,and I did everything I did to hide it. This man left his whole life in Alaska and moved to Washington to be with me, switched companies, and never looked back. So here I sit 19 years old 15 weeks pregnant with my third child, another boy and Im learning to love my body for exactly what it is intended to be, a baby factory.Its an amazing beautiful thing to be born with an ability to give life to another human being from the most beautiful source, the person that you love. So I don’t look like Heidi Klum 3 weeks post par tum but who cares. My body grows, nutures, and feeds another human being and you have to be thankful for just that. It has taken me a long time to appreciate just what my beautiful baby factory can do. I know this story is long but I want to offer encouragement to any mother with a poor self image, anyone who had been sad, battered, and broken and tell you that yes you are beautiful and that there are people who will love and appreciate you for just the amazing person that you are. There is no mold for motherhood. We are the trendsetters in our own lives and now that I have a daughter I hope she can learn and appreciate the female body the way it looks in real life and not what you see on t.v. Its a constant battle for us, but its worth every scar!

Children are: Would have been 4, 2 1/2, and 15 weeks pregnant.
Age:19
Weight 105-185,130-155,115-120 pregnant
Height 5’3

Picture # 1 is 40 weeks pregnant with baby number one
Pic # 2 is my precious boy at 5 weeks old
Pic #3 is 8 months post partum
Pic #4 is the day I went into labor with my daughter
Pic #5 is about 6 months post partum
Pic#6 is my little diva
Pic #7 was 2 years post partum
Pic#8 is my current 15 week bump

I Love My Boys, I HATE My Body! (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

Age: 20
# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10

I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.

during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.

now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.

I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.

yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.

Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories. :)

1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old

Was it All Worth it? (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Teen Mom 16 Comments

Age-20
Number of pregnancies-2, One birth, One abortion
Post Partum 4 years

My story starts at the age of 15. I met my first love at my sophomore Homecoming Dance. I was dancing with a guy friend of his when he came up and starting talking to us. I immediately thought he was cute. He was two years older which also apealed to me. We danced and at the end of the dance i got his number. We started dating a week later and i lost my virginity to him 4 days after we started dating. I was very naive to have sex so soon. He used protection at first but after awhile we stopped. We were very much in love or atleast at the time we thought so. After dating for a litlle over 2 months i found out i was pregnant. I actually found out when i went to the doctor with my mom to get on the pill. I was very upset by this but i had my family and my boyfriends support. We considered abortion but ended up not doing it and we decided to give the baby up. As the months progressed we started feeling the baby move and decided we couldn’t part with him or her. We soon found out it was a she and were very excited. My boyfriend was great and spent every minute with me that he wasn’t working. We decided before she was born to name her Isabelle Corrin. I was 102lbs and 5’3 before i got pregnant and by the time i had her i was 148lbs. I got strethc marks everywhere and being young and naive i thought they would just disapear after she was born. She was born on September 15th 2006. The next two months were miserable. Her father and I split up temporarily and there was complete chaos. After a month and a half of trying to be parents we realized we weren’t fit to be parents yet. I was 16 and he was 18 and we weren’t accomplishing our goals and we were both very depressed. We told our family we were going to give her up for adoption and of course they were upset. We were as well because we did love our daughter. We ended up giving her up legally to her fathers aunt and uncle who already had 3 children and were great parents. That was final in March 07, but we handed her over to them in November 06. In december of 06 my boyfriend and the babies father joined the National guard. And with the stress of the adoption and fear for him having to deploy i packed back on the 20lbs i had lost right after the birth. When he left for basic in June of 07 i was 142lbs i worked hard over the 4 months he was gone to get down to 130. It wasn’t easy for me to lose weight and i wish i would have lost more that summer. Over the next two years i stayed around that weight and was very insecure and that caused alot of problems with my ex and i. We ended up breaking up around our 3 year anniversary. After the break up i lost 10lbs and was at 120lbs. I was very happy with how i looked and for months i maintained that weight until i got pregnant by a guy i had been serious with for 4 months. I was pregnant 9 weeks before i had an abortion and ended up gaining 10lbs in that 9 weeks. So once again i was really insecure. Ended up staying with that guy for 5 more months after the abortion until i met my wonderful fiance. He is great and i love him so much! But i still struggled with my insecuriets even though he always gave me compliments. Took me like 10 months into our relationship to actually feel confident. I lost 17lbs and got down to my lowest weight of 113. I am now 115-117 depending on the week of my cycle. I still have some insecurities but not as much. I am going to start exercising to tone up my body more in these next 8 months my fiance is deployed. We have lived together for the last year and been together 15months. I love him to death and hope he comes home safelly. He will finally be out of the guard when he returns.

It’s Not Luck (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

age: 22
2 pregnancies/2births
23 months and 4 weeks

Hi. My name is Ashley and I’m 22 with 2 beautiful girls. Before I got pregnant with my first daughter I was working out regularly and at my heaviest (in my life) had weighed 145 at 5’5. I was closer to 140 when I got pregnant and only gained 28lbs. My weight gain wasn’t really by my choice. I was very sick in the beginning and ended up losing 10lbs first. I bounced back fairly quickly (weight wise) but knew my body would never be the same. I had some stretch marks but nothing crazy. It only took me a couple months to get back to my weight of 140 but I looked bigger thanks to skin. Shortly after my first daughters 1st birthday I had to have my appendix removed and was shocked when I was told I was back at 160! I vowed then and there to lose the weight and NEVER be that heavy again if I wasn’t pregnant. A month and a half later I was still 160 and found out I was pregnant with my second. I dreaded how big I’d get. I was terrified of being bigger than I was with my first (168). By 20 weeks, I had lost so much weight from being extremely sick (throwing up about 3 times a day, every day) that I was only 145lbs. I didn’t want to eat after how sick I’d been. I was forcing myself to eat half a meal and then feeling sick. People kept telling me how great I looked and how small I was and all I wanted to do was say “yeh but at what cost?” The day before my daughter was born I weighed 166, putting me at a 6lb weight gain. She weighed 9lbs 4ozs. I came home just over 150. Now at 4 weeks pp, I am 145. People keep telling me how great I’ve done with the weight loss and commenting on how fast I bounced back. Everytime they say anything I want to say “Yeh, but I couldn’t eat without getting sick for 12 weeks. I’d rather be bigger.” It’s not luck that I’m thin I’m not thrilled with how I look but I’m not ashamed. I love my girls and my body is a testiment to what I’d do for them. Everytime I look down and see my stretchmarks, I smile, because it reminds me of when my girls that I love so much.

Pics- 40weeks pregnant, 2days pp, and 4weeks pp

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Second Pregnancy, Update 3 Comments

Original entry here.

A little over a year ago I wrote on this site because I was upset with my body one year after giving birth to my amazing son. Things did get better, I got into a swimsuit and started working out, but never had the time between school and motherhood to get to my goal. I am 24 and four months ago I gave birth to another beautiful and precious boy. I am back at the sad place again. Not a day goes by where I don’t obsess over my disgusting body and think how desperately I want to loose 15 lbs! I dislike my saggy breast, huge nipples, big love handles, and the fanny pack stomach I can’t hide. Seeing my tiny sister, who has not had children, complain about her stomach and size, makes me feel like a whale. I want to shield my husband away from all the size two models on the television and every girl that walks by that has a perfect body. I am so scared he thinks that he wishes his wife still looked like “that girl”. Recently, my husband went to a bachelor party and the group went inside a topless bar. My husband was one of the good ones where he just sat at a far away table, while the other guys received lap dances. Just knowing he saw a great rack and had to come home to me the next day makes me sick to my stomach. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy,etc. but I think he just says those words because he love me. I would love to see a trainer, get plastic surgery on my breasts, etc. but those actions won’t heal my low self-esteem. I’ve had some tragedy in my life (physical & mental abuse, miscarriages, etc.) that I need to deal with so I can get better. I want to love myself again and I am scared that my insecurities will have an impact on my marriage. Thank you for this website, its my affordable therapy :)

Melissa’s Story (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

Hi fellow mommies. I recently was looking on the internet and came across this wonderful site. I kinda felt like I was the only woman in the world that had two babies and had a body like mine. My belly seems to sag and I just cant seem to cope with that. My husband is so fit and I feel so unfit. I eat very healthy and exercise daily. Ive recently started the workout program Insanity. Ive lost 12 pounds. I still have 3 weeks to go. Its a 60 day program. So I guess thats not bad. My youngest is 6 months and my other daughter is 2 and a half. With both of them i went up to 190. Im down to 157 right now but I just dont feel sexy any more. Im 24 years old and feel so unhappy with my body. Do any of you ladies have any advice on how to tone up the belly? All photos are from Sept.26th 2010

Melissa
24
Two pregnancies, Two births
6 months PP on second pregnancy

Update (Bryana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

For Cairo Sofia

Age: 23
# of Pregnancies: 3
# of Births: 2
How Far Postpartum: 15 Months Today, September 23, 2010
Previous entries:
2 Babies Later
Update
Second Update
Love Yourself, Mama
Thank you, Babies

Today I am officially 15 months postpartum. I cannot believe it has been over a year since my beautiful daughter graced our lives. She’s beautiful, spunky, and full of character.

This post is for her, Cairo Sofia. I want to thank my baby girl, and God, for what they have taught me. The day I found out I was having a baby girl, I cried. I cried because I was scared and didn’t realize it until that
one moment in time. I always wanted a girl, ever since I was a little girl. But now I was scared. I was afraid that I would pass on my body image issues to her. I was afraid that she would hate body just as I did. I thought it would be genetic, seeing as though my mother had the same issues as I had. I just figured she would wind up with those problems too.

That day was the first day of change for me. I had to change this cycle of self loathing. I couldn’t imagine
listening to my daughter list off the things she wished to change about herself. I couldn’t imagine seeing her look in the mirror and pinch that extra inch of “fat” and wish it gone. I didn’t want to think of her sucking in her already flat stomach, thinking “If only…”. Those thoughts terrorized my heart. It had to change.

I hated my body. I thought my pregnancy with my son had destroyed my body, not made it better. I had
gotten stretch marks, saggy skin; saggy boobs… how was this beautiful? These thoughts had to stop. It
didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen in a week, or a month. It was a long process, one that still hasn’t been completed, nor am I sure it will ever truly go away. But I can control it; I can control my mind and my thoughts.

I look at my daughter and see such a beautiful little lady. Bright blue eyes, perfect skin, and truly amazing
heart and soul. When she gets stretch marks that won’t change. If she gets the “apron”, her beauty will not be altered, but enhanced. If she gains those few extra pounds, she will be just as beautiful as ever. So
if this is true about her, why would it not be true for me?

I am beautiful. My stretch marks enhance my beauty, they tell a story of strength and courage. They tell a story of life and birth. This… this is beautiful.

So I want to thank my beautiful princess, Cairo Sofia, for teaching me something that no one else could teach me. Thank you for showing me the truth behind my stretch marks. Thank you for gracing our lives and enhancing all that matters in this world. And remember, one day if you read this, that you are beautiful. No matter what anyone says, you are a beautiful girl, from the inside out!

I included 3 pictures of myself today, 15 months pp.
The 4th picture is my beautiful Cairo Sofia.

Updated here.

I Feel Deformed (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, VBAC 16 Comments

Age- 29
Number of Pregnancies – 3
Number of Births- 2
Daughter 3 years, son 1 year

I can’t quite remember what I thought my post pregnancy body would look like…. but I can remember not thinking it would look like this.

I gave birth to my daughter On September 1st 2007 by emergency c-section. She was breech and the waited until I was fully dilated to tell me. I had imagined the perfect drug-free birth and that was taken from me. I had to come to terms with that and I needed some major healing. I also suffered from a severe case of post partum depression. I can clearly remember, as my belly started to shrink (which happened very quickly), asking people if what I had was normal. Too many people said they had never seen a belly like mine, no one could answer as to whether or not it would go away. Well, it never did. I was left with a pooch of skin hanging over my pants and extra skin everywhere. It only got worse after I had my son July 29th 2009. He was a successful VBAC and for that I was happy but the saggy skin was still left behind, another scar on my “mother’s body”. Both pregnancies I was fairly heavy (around 170lbs) and post pregnancy I am down to 155lbs. I recently consulted a plastic surgeon to see if I could have surgery done to correct it and I was rejected because it wasn’t sever enough. I am 29, and now single, the mother of 2 young children and I feel deformed, unattractive. How can anyone love me if I can’t love myself? This site has helped me a lot to realize I am not alone with this problem and I hope that this entry can help someone else.

Don’t Call Me “Lucky” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Homebirth, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 56 Comments

I am 10 months postpartum from my second daughter’s birth. She was a c-section after I had complications following a (successful) home birth with my first daughter. I am happy with my postpartum body but it frustrates me to no end that people assume that I just got lucky with my postpartum body, as if there are only two categories of moms – – lazy lucky ones that look good and lazy unlucky ones that don’t. I worked really, really hard following the c-section – I didn’t snap back like people assume! I got my doctor’s approval and was at the gym 6 days a week (30 minutes on the elliptical machine, he said it was okay because it was no impact) two weeks after my c-section. Åt 6 weeks, I got the okay to start running again. I gained 48 pounds with my last pregnancy and 50 with my first. I am happy to say that I have lost all the weight — and you can, too …. even if you aren’t one of the “lucky” ones that don’t have to make an effort :P I wasn’t!

The first pictures are me 2 days after my c-section, taken the day I got home. You can see the yellow glue still on my side from the spinal. The next pictures are 4 weeks postpartum, and the last picture is 8 months postpartum. I’ve made some more small improvements since the last picture but feel it’s representative enough to post!

~Your Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 6 pregnancies / 2 births – one vaginal / one c-sesction(4 miscarriages)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 year old and 10 month old