Original entry here.
A little over a year ago I wrote on this site because I was upset with my body one year after giving birth to my amazing son. Things did get better, I got into a swimsuit and started working out, but never had the time between school and motherhood to get to my goal. I am 24 and four months ago I gave birth to another beautiful and precious boy. I am back at the sad place again. Not a day goes by where I don’t obsess over my disgusting body and think how desperately I want to loose 15 lbs! I dislike my saggy breast, huge nipples, big love handles, and the fanny pack stomach I can’t hide. Seeing my tiny sister, who has not had children, complain about her stomach and size, makes me feel like a whale. I want to shield my husband away from all the size two models on the television and every girl that walks by that has a perfect body. I am so scared he thinks that he wishes his wife still looked like “that girl”. Recently, my husband went to a bachelor party and the group went inside a topless bar. My husband was one of the good ones where he just sat at a far away table, while the other guys received lap dances. Just knowing he saw a great rack and had to come home to me the next day makes me sick to my stomach. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy,etc. but I think he just says those words because he love me. I would love to see a trainer, get plastic surgery on my breasts, etc. but those actions won’t heal my low self-esteem. I’ve had some tragedy in my life (physical & mental abuse, miscarriages, etc.) that I need to deal with so I can get better. I want to love myself again and I am scared that my insecurities will have an impact on my marriage. Thank you for this website, its my affordable therapy :)