Pregnant

7 1/2 Months Later and Still Struggling (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I met my sons father when i was 17 years old. We met at a small little party and were together pretty much nonstop afterwards. Within 2 months we already had an apartment together. One night he had had a few drinks and we were just sitting around having a somewhat deep converstaion about how we felt about each other and he let it slip that i was a few pounds more than the girls he usually is with but if being with someone he really loves means having to deal with a few extra pounds it was worth it. I don’t think he was trying to insult me but needless to say it very deeply affected me. I dropped about 25 pounds over the next few months and went from 147 to 124. That was the smallest I have ever been. My self confidence was just horrible. I was always accusing my boyfriend of being unhappy with my body and it caused a lot of problems. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when my son was born. I was honestly a miserable pregnant person. I gained 70 pounds going from 124 to 194. My doctor sent me to talk to a nutritionist every single appointment. It was honestly embarassing. I managed to avoid stretch marks until i was about 38 weeks. I think they actually got worse after I gave birth. I had a really horrible case of the PUPPS rash and was due to be induced on a dec. 20th. I went into labor naturally on my own tho on the 19th. It was a long 30 hour labor followed by a c section because i was just not dilating. I never made it past 3cm. I love my son very much and he is comlpetely amazing but i still get very depressed over my body. I’ve dropped about 50 pounds over the past 7 and a half months and am now down to around 143. I breastfed for 2 months and it was a really good experience while it lasted… definitely helped me to bond with my son and it was great not having to wash bottles lol…. My boobs have definitely changed tho… they depress me very much… they’re just these empty little sacks of skin with huge nipples…. they used to be my favorite part of me… I’ve pretty much hit a plateau as far as my weight loss goes. I don’t think im going to be able to lose anymore until i learn to like myself and become a happier person… I am a very emotional eater…. I know things could be so much worse… but i could really use some motivation…..

Pictures-
1-3 Weeks pp
2-6 weeks pp
3-6weeks pp
4-4 months pp
5-4 months pp
6-5 1/2 months pp
7-6 months pp
8-7 1/2 months pp
9-7 1/2 months pp
10-7 1/2 months pp
11-8 months pregnant
12-prepregnancy
13- my son

Updated here.

Blessing In Disguise (Tiffany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Triplets 19 Comments

Age: 28
1 pregnancy, 3 births
The babies are currently 18 months.

My husband and I had been trying for a year when we decided to seek help. Several tests later I’m fertile and his hormones suggest a pituitary tumor. A MRI concluded that he indeed had the tumor. Luckily we caught it early enough to be able to shrink it with medication. So no brain surgery was needed, thank God! He then went through a testicular biopsy and also started his medication. I started my daily injections of Gonal. A few months later I did IUI. I knew something was up a few weeks later when I woke up at 5am hungry beyond belief! I got out of bed and ate 5 Arby sandwiches in one sitting. Very unlike me. At 4’8 and 100 lbs I’ve always been a very light eater. A few weeks later I went back to the fertility doctor and learned that we were pregnant with triplets. I was so excited!!! However my doctor suggested that we talk to a selective reduction doctor since I am very small. I already knew what I wanted. I was going to keep all three babies. God gave me those three for a reason. He believed in me and I was going to carry out what he wanted for me. But I humored my doctor and saw the selective reduction doctor. He told me I would never be able to carry triplets with only being 4’8. He also thought two were identical and that their chances of surviving were very small. He suggested that I “eliminate” those two and keep the third. I walked out of that office and never looked back.

I never once had any problems throughout my pregnancy. I was still walking around shopping till the day I delivered. And the only reason I had to deliver at 33 weeks was because my dog stole my chocolate off the coffee table. My husband and I had been watching a movie when I had to take another potty break… probably my 100th time that night. LOL. I had been eating chocolate and left the remaining on the table. When I came back it was gone and I immediately knew what happened. I became enraged!!! I waddled out to the backyard where my dog was eating My chocolate and I took it back. Never mess with a pregnant woman’s food. Especially when she’s carrying multiples. I went back inside and threw it away. Of course I wasn’t going to eat it. But I wasn’t about to let that dog take my food. That was for me and my babies. I never got to get another piece. My blood pressure went through the roof. I started having visual disturbances, headaches, and nausea. I tried to get it back down by relaxing but nothing helped. So into the hospital I went.

On January 2, 2009 at 8:23 AM Noah Jacob was born. Then at 8:24 Dakota Rose was born. And my little peanut, Elijah Blue was born at 8:25 AM. Noah and Dakota weighed 4 lbs and Elijah weighed 3.1. Everyone was extremely healthy and came home the next month. And by the way, they were all fraternal unlike what the selective doctor originally thought.

I had gained 100 lbs topping the scales at 200 lbs. Breast feeding really helped to drop the weight. I was left with saggy skin. I made a Youtube video of it before I got my tummy tuck.

My plastic surgery was done in February. I’ve been working out hard ever since I got the ok from the doctor. I doubt that I’ll ever fit back into my size “0” jeans. As of now I’m 105 lbs and wear a size “1”. My hips definitely feel bigger and ache when I go from sitting to standing. I still have a bit of carpal tunnel, but it only bothers me from time to time. My body has changed so much since the triplets. It’s definitely not what it use to be. And losing weight is even harder now. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did I get three, healthy, beautiful, babies… But we also caught my husband’s pituitary tumor in time thanks to the infertility. He took his meds and it went away that same year. He just went for his annual MRI and everything came back clear. Even though it was rough in the beginning it really did end Happily Ever After. Things are perfect. We are truly beyond happy… and I thank God every day for the life he has blessed me with.

Finding beauty in every imperfection (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 20
Number of pregnancies and births: 2,1
6.5 months pp

I’m going to start off by saying, this site is amazing, i absolutely love it and visit at least twice a week. I’ve posted once before at four months pp and here i go again. I am now six and a half months pp and am 10 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s not really a goal for me anymore, i spend my time concentrating on my son, not my calorie intake and i’m kinda on the eat what i want diet. I guess I’ve always had kind of a high metabolism, i don’t gain a lot of weight, i just don’t lose any either :P

This summer i have been brave enough to wear my bikini (Yes, in public). I have stretch marks on my tummy, and i am not ashamed. I was somewhat unhappy with my “mother body” at first. Having the body of a teenager and seeing it change into the figure of a woman takes some getting used to. I see that i am still sexy, just in a different way. I wish that all of you would feel this way about your bodies. Appreciate your bodies, they gave you the greatest gift of all, the gift of giving life. So what you aren’t perfect. You will never be perfect, neither will I. Not because it isn’t possible. In our heads, we will all reach some sort of perfection. But simply because it doesn’t exist.

I am a stay at home mom, I love spending the day with my sweet boy but i wouldn’t mind getting a job. I miss it a little, even. I’m just a tad bit nervous about daycare.

Colin is a happy, healthy momma’s boy (daddy doesn’t spoil him as much as i do). He will be 7 months old in 2 weeks, i can’t believe it.. time flies. He weighs 24 lbs even and is 28 inches long. He is smart, and i couldn’t be more proud of him.. he is now saying “ma-ma” “ba-ba” and “hi”. He is sitting up all by himself and he loves sitting in his play pen playing with all his toys, his jumperoo and moving around the house in his walker.. We have been working on crawling, but no luck yet.. if you have any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am including a few photos, so all can see my wittle piggy and my bodys journey. Thanks to everyone who read, your all beautiful mama’s!

photos: 1) one year pre-preg 2) seven months preg 3) four days pp 4 & 5) five months pp 6) pretty recent 7) up close on boobs 8) up close on stomach 9) My handsome boy

Learning to Be Kind to Myself (Rebekah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Breech Birth, Child Loss, Homebirth, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

My age: 29
2 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, 1 birth
10 months postpartum

First I want to say thank you to all the brave women who have posted their stories and photos here. You have helped me to heal.

I also want to say to any women out there who are struggling right now: Your thoughts are powerful. I have brought myself to some dark places with negative thoughts. But you can choose to be kind to
yourself!

Here are some of the negative thoughts I have had (maybe you can relate):

I am ashamed of my body’s ugliness. I compare myself to other women who are more beautiful than me, who were lucky to have better genes. I grew up being told, as if I needed reminding, that I was not a “real
woman,” that I had scrawny legs, no hips, no butt. Pregnancy did not improve my body. I gained an embarrassing amount of weight and since having my baby I’ve worked hard to lose it all. But now I am covered in stretch marks and flab, and left with a belly more grotesque than I ever could have imagined. I had no idea all this would happen to me just from having a baby.

I gained more than 60 pounds in my pregnancy because I wasn’t careful. I was lazy. I over-ate. I was stupid and now I’m paying for it. My wrinkled belly is mushy, like an empty bag. Its texture is like a
wrinkled, doughy brain. It’s alien; it’s disgusting. It’s the belly of an old decrepit woman. My belly button was once cute; now it’s a deep, droopy hole. My breasts are pendulous—they hang down like tube
socks full of sand. They are asymmetrical, unattractive, saggy, and covered in blue veins. They’re not supposed to lie down on my stomach like this.

Why didn’t I appreciate the smooth belly and perky breasts when I still had them? Why couldn’t I have been one of the lucky ones who got to keep their youthful bodies? It is so unfair and I am so angry!

What the hell has happened to me? My body is disfigured, destroyed, no longer youthful, no longer sexy. I feel so sorry that I’m not desirable for my husband anymore, because he deserves better. I know he doesn’t feel the same passion for me anymore, and why would he?

I will need to hide my belly for the rest of my life now, under long shirts. I don’t want anyone to see me because I know I’m not normal. Nobody else I have ever seen in my life has a belly like this! It’s
not just a few little stretch marks—my skin hangs in big loose wrinkles—my skin is DESTROYED. Nothing I do short of surgery can fix it. As if the loose skin isn’t bad enough, my butt, hips, and thighs are covered in scars—stretch marks so deep they have left deep grooves in my once-smooth skin.

I would like to wear a bikini proudly but I’m afraid that people will stare and wonder what’s wrong with my belly, give me pitying looks, suggest a tummy tuck. Other women will secretly take pleasure in my
disfigurement because it places me below them. Men will look at me with interest until they get close enough to see the details, and then they will be horrified and turned off.

I look fine with clothes on, with a bra holding my breasts up where they’re supposed to be, with clothing covering all the wrinkles, and I feel like a walking lie. Other women compliment me on losing the baby
weight, and tell me they’re jealous of my figure. I accept the compliments and feel like a fake. I purposely project an air of confidence but it’s all fake, fake, fake. What would everyone think if they saw me naked? Any man who saw me naked would be disgusted. Why would any man, my husband included, choose to look at ME when there are so many perfect women to look at? I am a has-been, not even 30 yet and past my prime. I no longer matter and I am so ashamed, so depressed.

And HERE is me choosing to be kind to myself:

I am a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! I am petite, but with a curvy and feminine shape. I am healthy, sexy, voluptuous, lush, long, limber, strong, soft, admired and even envied for my lovely body.

When I was pregnant my body did exactly what it needed to do, in its innate wisdom. I was a good mother from the start, and I took good care of my baby and myself while I was pregnant. I walked and did yoga. I spent so many hours reading and researching. I carefully planned my meals to make sure my baby got the nutrients he needed. I didn’t do anything wrong. I suffered through great discomfort with grace.

I celebrate my beautiful belly, my womb, and what it has done. I gave birth to my strong and healthy son, breech, at home, with a 7-hour labor, only 30 minutes of pushing and no tearing—that is a feat to be proud of! My body has everything it needs to bring new life into the world—to nurture a tiny cluster of cells and help it grow into a fetus, into a happy little boy, into a new PERSON in this world! That in itself is mind-boggling. I have given birth to a child. I have been a vessel for NEW LIFE. I am directly in tune with all the creative forces of the universe. My feminine abilities are pure, raw, and intense. I am creative energy in action! I am in awe of my womanhood and my body. I am so BLESSED to have been born female.

My belly is normal. There are many different types of postpartum bellies, and many other beautiful mothers have similar soft layers and networks of wrinkles. The skin of my belly is delicate, velvety and interesting. I am happy to bear the marks of motherhood (and such unique and fascinating marks at that!) The stretch marks on my thighs, butt, hips, breasts and belly are starting to fade to silver. They are gorgeous tiger stripes. The grooves of the deeper ones create a sexy texture on my thighs, like built-in fishnet stockings.
They’re cool!

My breasts are full and sensual with a pleasant weight to them. They make sweet, nutritious milk for my baby. He drank nothing but the milk from my breasts for 6 months and it made him grow big, strong and
healthy. At 10 months old, he still gets most of his nutrition from my milk, which keeps him happy and secure. My breasts are a source of delight, comfort and nourishment.

My husband is not bothered a bit by the changes to my body. He still finds me as irresistible as ever, and more importantly, I am the mother of his child. He now views me with a new kind of pride, love and respect. He sees me as a beacon of strength. I am his lady, his rock.

It is wonderful to be alive. It is wonderful to experience the gift of motherhood, and I am blown away with gratitude for my life and my family. I am capable of a love that transcends words. I am capable of far more than I realize. My body is beautiful, but my spirit is even more beautiful, and it shines through. I am beautiful!

I have been through a lot of changes, and feelings of loss and self-doubt are to be expected. They are a normal and healthy part of new motherhood. I am allowed to feel them in passing, but I will not let them rule me. I can choose a positive attitude.

I am only 10 months postpartum and the transformation my body has undergone, from small to gigantic to small again, is nothing short of incredible. My body, even now, is still changing. I must be patient and gentle with myself. I choose to respect my body and take good care of it. My many hours of hard work exercising and eating healthful foods are paying off. My healthy glow is apparent to all who see me. I choose to give myself and my body the same unconditional love and reverence I give to my beautiful son as I watch him grow.

And I may have to work up to it, but I KNOW in time I will have the courage and confidence within me to rock that bikini, in public, in the full light of day. Other people and their twisted cultural standards be damned!

Pictures 1-3 are my beautiful, pre-baby body. Picture 4 is my beautiful 37-week pregnant belly, full of life. 5-7 are my beautiful wrinkly belly, beautiful droopy breasts, and beautifully tiger-striped hip at 10 months postpartum. 8-10 are me rocking my bikini! (This is in the privacy of my back yard, in front of only my husband. I have yet to show my belly in public but I will get there!) And pictures 11-12 are my son, at 2 months and 7 months.

Not happy with the new me. (B’s Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth Via C-section
6 months PP

Six months ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. I was in labor for nearly 30 hrs, I pushed for 3 and then had to have a c-section. My little man weighed 9 lbs 7 oz! This was my first pregnancy and it was unexpected, but I wouldnt change it for the world. I have had many ups and downs in these past 6 months. B has been in and out of the hospital. During these past 6 months I’ve heard more crying then i’ve heard my entire life. He has cried almost every day for the majority of the days. We didnt know what was wrong, and neither did the doctors. They passed it off as ‘colic’ and each time it kept getting worse. Finally a doctor figued out that he had a Urinary tract infection and he was put on antibiotics. They keep coming back and we don’t know why. He also has acid reflux and a milk allergy. It has been a difficult time but he makes me smile every day!

One thing that doesn’t make me happy is my new body. I really try hard to be happy with myself. I have been trying to work out and eat healthy, but it’s hard to do being a single mom. I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy! I went from 120 up to 190! I was used to being small. Just when I start feeling a bit better about myself I have yet another person ask me if I am expecting again, or “how far along are you”. Even strangers ask me, it’s pretty depressing! I have more stretch marks then I can count and a sagging stomach. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable naked around anyone. I wish I could just feel happy with myself, regardless of all this, but where do I start?

My husband calls me beautiful (Alyssa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 12 Comments

Age: 20
Pregnancies and Births: 1 pregnancy and 1 birth
The age of your child: A terrible two year old

I was married at 16, pregnant at 17 and gave birth to my handsome little 9lb 10oz baby boy when I was 18. Here I am now 20 years old, still happily married to the man I love but inside of me I feel ugly, worthless, and worst of all a failure as a mother. I had the perfect body, skinny waist, big perky natural breasts, a firm butt and killer legs. My husband is in the military and I gave new meaning to standing at attention when I would swing by work for whatever the reason may have been. Back then my husband called me stunning, beautiful, etc. He wanted a baby more than anything with me, and because of my stupidity on the honeymoon a month or so later I found out I was pregnant. When I took the test and saw it was positive I cried, not of happiness but of complete sadness, the same could not be said for my husband, I don’t think I had ever seen him so happy before. I had to go back home and finish high school so I spent my senior year pregnant, constantly ridiculed and such, thankfully I had enough credits to graduate early in January, I couldn’t stand the talk of prom and senior trip when all I could think about were the increasingly large stretch marks growing on my stomach. Needless to say I started out at 130lbs and the day I was admitted I was 200lbs. After an emergency C- section and almost losing my child I sit here today writing of my story. I haven’t lost all the weight it took me til now, 2 years later, to reach 145lbs and my husband still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t care about my stretch marks, or my overlap of extra skin and I wish when he says that to me that i really feel it. I do not blame my little boy anymore like I used to, but instead I beat myself up for allowing myself to fall so deep into this pit of self loathing. My husband is in Afghanistan right now, and told me today that even though he is thousands of miles away, my beauty can still be seen. I guess the point of this story was more to vent to those who I know have experienced and have gone, or are going through what I am. I just cannot seem to find myself to be beautiful like my husband sees, but I know that girl is in there somewhere wanting to come out again.

22 Weeks, Second Post (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 12 Comments

Original entry here.

Age: 22
First Pregnancy

My last post was at 16 weeks. I’ve been reading the other stories on here and decided to post again. For those who read my last post, I’ve been battling an eating disorder since I was 10; my issue with weight gain has followed me throughout this pregnancy. Specifically, when my doctor says he’d be a “little concerned” if I hadn’t gained any more weight by my 22-wk appointment (scheduled this week), my first thought is “OK, a challenge!”

And I’ve spent the last six weeks doing everything I can to stay at the 163lbs I was at my last appointment. I tried to be healthy while still avoiding any additional weight gain… although I know that sounds like an oxymoron. I weighed myself today and I’m 166 at 5′ 7″ I’m doing my best to have a fit and active pregnancy; I walk every day, try to eat healthy, and very rarely have sugar– I’m still struggling with being okay with an extra pound or two, though. Maybe that extra pound is in my bra now– I went from a small B to a C. Yikes.

To be honest, I think I’d be more okay with the weight gain if I looked more pregnant. I spent too much pre-pregnancy time working my abs though, lol. Interesting point of view, huh? I wonder when I’ll “POP” and start looking obviously pregnant (since next week I enter my sixth month). Right now I still feel like I look thick, not pregnant. Here’s hoping that changes soon! Thanks for the support everyone!

First pic: 2 months pre-pregnancy stomach (145lbs)
Second pic: 18 weeks pregnant
Third pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (covered)
Fourth pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (belly bared)

Updated here and here.

Dreams Come True (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 25-years-young
Number of pregnancies: 4, 1 abortion, 2 miscarriages
Number of birth: On the way…I am 25 weeks!!! Yea!

After a horrible relationship with a best friend of more than 10 years, I never felt so betrayed. I had to end my relationship with her last year. She manipulated and instigated between my husband and I. I always wanted to keep a strong “friendship before lover” type of thing, but I found out the hard way when I discovered that she’s been placing me against people and people against me for many years. I really didn’t understand why she did what she did. It caused me many many tears. She literally insulted me and said “people only talk to you because you’re pretty, but people talk to me because they love my personality even if I’m not pretty.” Ever since she said that, I felt like I have no personality. My own best friend had put me down. Years of her instigating took to the point I aborted my baby at 3 months. I fell into depression afterwards. Before I found out I was pregnant, I was 110lbs. 5’3″. Then weigh 120 lbs. at 3 months. After the baby was out, I was back to 110 lbs. I grew very depressed and drop down all the way to 95 lbs.

Luckily, I have a wonderful and understanding husband. He was depressed when I did what I did, but he still stayed by my side. We decided to try again and this time I won’t do anything stupid because it was the biggest regret of my life! We tried again, but I got pregnant right away and was looking forward to risk my body for my baby! But sadly, my baby didn’t grow more than 9 weeks and just stayed in my uterus with no heartbeat. I cried my eyes out and didn’t lose hope so we tried again. About two months later, I was pregnant again. Unfortunately, it happened again where I miscarried my third baby. I finally given up and I told myself that this was God teaching me a lesson because I killed my first baby. I was so depressed. I felt like I deserve this and would never get to experience having a baby of my own.

After two years of having irregular period, I didn’t know I was pregnant and didn’t even bother to take a pregnancy test. But I grew very tired with no morning sickness. My husband told me to take one, but I was so afraid of the outcome—negative. After denying it for a couple weeks, I finally decided to take one and it was—POSITIVE!!! I was so grateful and I thank God for his precious gift. I was so afraid that the baby won’t grow more than 9 weeks again. But now, I am 25 weeks and everything is great!!! I am looking forward to stretch marks or loose skin, anything…I just want to hold my baby.

First picture is my body at 3 months with a little bump through the clothing. Second picture is me a four months although the bump is not there, I know my baby is there. Third picture, is me showing my boobies (which aren’t growing at all!=( but it’s okay, my baby is there). Fourth and fifth picture is me at 5 months front & side. I will update my upcoming bump more.

I can’t wait for my precious baby boy to arrive!!!

Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Submissions 25 Comments

I have been searching the web looking for overweight women who are pregnant so I may gain the confidence that I am a normal beautiful woman even if I am larger. Even while browsing, I get the “shes-still-smaller-than-me” syndrome, so I wanted to submit my picture to show that even a large number can have a beautiful body. I weight 345lbs and this is me at 9 weeks pregnant.

073110-anon-1

3 weeks PP and in the Navy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies/births: 1/1
Age of children: 3 week old baby boy

I joined the Navy when I was 18. Went to bootcamp in Great Lakes Illinois two weeks after I graduated from High School on July 3, 2007 and graduated August 31, 2007. I ended up being stationed at NAS Oceana in Virginia Beach Va, across the country from my family in California. I met my amazing boyfriend in the Navy and found out we were expecting a baby November 2009. I was terrified and i felt so alone being so far from home.

I weighed around 150 when I met my boyfriend and was comfortable with my weight. I had gained 20 lbs by the time I found out I was pregnant. I weighed 206 just before I gave birth and I hated the way my body looked. I’ve never had a flat stomach and a perfect body but I’ve always been so comfortable with my body until I got pregnant. The stretch marks I could handle. I’ve had them before and they faded with time until they were almost invisible. It was the darkening of my nipples and arreola that horrified me. They used to be a pretty pink and now they are a dark brown. I now have a dark line from my belly button down to my pubic bone. My body doesn’t feel like my own anymore.

I have 6 months to get back in shape for the Navy. I have to get down to 145 or 32% body fat. I weigh 178 and am nowhere near being 32% body fat. I have more pressure to get back into shape from both the Navy and my boyfriend. I feel useless in my own body. I can’t work out until I hit 6 weeks PP. That’s when I go back to work and am cleared to start working out again.

On top of everything I’m trying to heal physically and emotionally from my c section. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to have a normal vaginal birth. I feel like I have been robbed of experiencing my baby’s birth.

Hopefully one day I recover from the experience and be able to lose the weight and get back into shape. As for my flabby stomach and saggy uneven breasts, I plan on having plastic surgery in a year when I transfer to another command. I’ve never felt confident enough to wear a bikini and I’d like to wear one someday. My breasts have never been perky and they’ve always been pancake like and my nipples always pointed down. I love my baby but not the body that came with him. He is so worth it though.

1st pic: Pre pregnancy
2nd pic: 40 weeks pregnant
3rd pic: 3 weeks PP belly
4th pic: uneven saggy breasts
5th pic: side view
6th pic: c section scar
7th pic Anthony Gabriel
8th pic: Anthony and Daddy(I’m jealous of his abs lol)
9th pic: Anthony and mommy