Postpartum

“I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.” (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 20 Comments

Previous posts:
Missing my baby boy and expecting my second.
5 Weeks PP Second Baby
2.5 Months Postpartum, Second Cesarean in 2.5 Years
6 Months PP Update
15 Months PP Update
I Need Some Help

Age: 25
Pregnancies & Births: 2 pregnancies and 2 cesareans
How far pp: Connor would be 5.5 and Liam is 2.10

You hear it all the time. It is the most popular pregnancy conversation: “Do you want a boy or a girl?”, “I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.”. For some reason this actually bothers me. Do I understand why we as mothers want our children to be healthy? Of course I do! However, children with challenges; whether it be a cleft palate, a heart condition, down syndrome, Marshall Smith syndrome, or cystic fibrosis; are the most perfect children. They are happy, strong, amazing little bundles of joy. It is an honor to bring these miracles into the world. Of course all babies are miracles, but these children are even more so. It is a miracle in itself that they survived pregnancy and birth! Connor may not have been healthy, but he was most certainly perfect! This is what I used to say when I was pregnant with Connor’s brother, Liam…”I don’t care what I have, as long as it’s happy.”. Isn’t this what really matters in life? We all strive for happiness. This is why we find love, get married, have children, pick jobs that we love, want to make good money…it is all to be happy. Most special needs children do not even need to try for this. Look around, now many depressed down syndrome children do you know? They are happy, they are loved, and they are miracles. So, I ask you to do this…the next time someone asks you what you want, tell them, “I don’t care, as long as it’s happy!”…this will make them look at the growing inside of them in a whole different light :)

15 Months to Find That Love (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 3 Comments

This is an update submission, my original post is here.

I feel as though those words cannot be the last thing I say on the matter of my motherly shape. It took me a year to come around to myself and the image if what I ‘should’ look like, to realize, I look how exactly how I am meant look, nothing less and nothing more.
I had this image in my head of a woman who would bounce back and within a year be fit and skinny, no evidence that she had ever given birth.

But after a year, I have realized, why on Earth would I ever want that?

I would be so devastated now if suddenly my stretch marks disappeared and I didn’t have this softer belly, not because I suddenly decided these things were sexy, but because that’s part of my life story. That’s apart of my daughter’s story and I would never want to take that away from her… or me.

A co-worker of mine recently revealed she was pregnant and we were talking about this website. I decided I would reread my post and what I found broke my heart. I was so sad and so unsatisfied with myself. I can feel the hurt, and all I want to do is jump back in time and say to myself “you won’t always feel this way”.

I have no more sadness when it comes to the shape of my body. I eat right and have recently started working out, not to lose weight, but to build strength and stamina. It’s time to respect my body rather than hate the way it looks for something it did, especially when that something it did is truly incredible.

My body made a life. Doesn’t that deserve respect and love? Instead of self-hatred, I have taken to self-love.

These are my new photos. My daughter is 15 months old now and I love my body. It’s the only one I will ever have, so I plan to treat it right.

You can still see the stretch marks, but they are very faded. The tattoos are still ruined, but tattoos can be fixed. My belly is still squishy and loose, but it’s a great place for my baby girl to rest her head.

I hope any women reading this who are struggling who’ve just had their babies know that time will make things better. Sometimes better isn’t about the physical, but how we perceive it.

Age: 29
Pregnancies/Births: 2/1

A New Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 2, Births: 1
11 weeks postpartum

I’ve tried writing this entry almost ten times. Some stating how much I admire my body now, some stating how much I hate it. Instead, I’m just going to be honest.

I’d love to tell you that I adore my body despite it’s changes, but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I finally found appreciation for my body. Not only for it’s physical appearance but for the strength it had to grow my child and bring him to me on it’s own. You see, I come from a history of still born babies, miscarriages and incompetent cervix. When I found out I was pregnant, I was the most scared I have ever been for what journey I may have to take, what loss I may have to make. I struggle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and had my fallopian tube erupt when I was only 16 years old. I never thought I would get pregnant, and was encouraged by my doctor to try before my chances lessened. I was newly single when I discovered I was pregnant. I had just ended a 2 year engagement with the love of my life and was going through a difficult struggle with depression, one that led me to lose a good amount of weight before finding out I was carrying another life inside me. One of the biggest struggles in my relationship was building a future and the fact that my fiance just wasn’t ready to let go of his youth. We started working on our relationship again despite his fear of becoming a father and didn’t up up getting back together fully until 2 months before the arrival of our son. I ended up a week overdue and went into labour on my own. I had a natural delivery and birthed a healthy, 7 pound little boy. All my fears dissapeared, and new ones emerged. My son was in my arms and he was okay, he was perfect.

From the second my boyfriend laid eyes on our son, I saw the change in him. I saw every path in our future together change. Now, with a relationship stronger than it’s ever been and a beautiful son who makes every breath worth taking, I still can’t help but stop and stare in sadness at the stretch marks and sag my skin has taken on. I’m not going to say that this struggle with my body is a new one, I’ve always been far too hard on my physical appearance, but I always had found confidence when it was necessary. I have a wonderful man who tells me everyday that I don’t look like I had a baby and look the exact same to him as before I had our son, but his effort just pushes me away more when it should pull me closer, and I feel guilt when he has to see me with my clothes off. Guily for not being the beautiful, sexy woman he once admired so much. I love him but to me the idea of him seeing me the same way as before our son seems very unrealistic, since the person I see in the mirrornow looks very different from the one I used to know. I know it’s going to take time to love my body again but I think I need day by day to get to know this new me, the way I look now.

At the end of the day, I always find myself able to shake my head and step away from the mirror. Every difference my body shows is the doing of bringing my son into this world, something I never thought possible for me, something many of those I love have not been able to accomplish. I hope one day I can love the physical changes of my body the same way I love the ability it had to bring my son to me. Until then, I’ll just continue being forever thankful to it, and realising that thousands of women out there would give more than the stretch marks we think are so terrible, just to have a baby they aren’t capable of having.

My first photo attached was 3 months before the conception of my son. Second photo is my belly at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went into labour the next night at 41 weeks pregnant and had him at 3:58am the next morning. Third and forth photos are of my body now, 11 weeks postpartum.

Updated here.

Learning to be Proud of My Body (Rach)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

age 21
1 pregnancy\1 birth

I am now 21, i have always been over weight i am 5’2 and i am 240, i have always found it hard to love myself but i wear my weight well. (most ppl dont know how much i really weight) when i was 19 i fell in love with a bad person but i fought for our love and was told i could never have children because i was over weight and had ovarian cysts , better luck i guess when we are ready it will happen. soon to my amazement i found out i was 6 weeks pregnant on my 20th birthday, after trying for so long my prayers were answered and i was so happy i cried, my family wanted me to get an abortion because of the father, but i refused. i had a really bad pregnancy, i was always sick and i had really bad circulation, my body swelled so much and my best friend took care of me most of the time (he is a guy), my fiance wasnt ever around, he was with other women. i was in the hospital from 32 weeks til i delivered at 40 weeks to a beautiful 9lb 5oz 22inch baby boy, and my whole world changed, even after the c section i was walking around and i healed very fast taking care of a newborn on my own, When i gave birth i weighed 270, and had no strech marks, i know love the fact that i have the love marks my son left behind, i look at myself and thank my baby boy everyday, i have come to learn that if i hadn’t had corvin, and this amazing gift in my life, something that shouldn’t of happend then i wouldn’t be the mother i am today, i am currently engaged to that best friend, and my son is the happiest, smartest, strongest thing that ever happen to me, and for that i love my body, this body created, nurtured, and loved that beautiful boy into this world, and my fiance to this day will rub my belly and i will not be offended because he loves my son and he says everytime ” i love your belly and i love my baby” i hope you all get inspiration and learn to love yourself, beautiful , skinny or a little fluffy, you have the most amazing motherly body in the world!

Pregnancy I of III (Sam)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

I’m now pregnant with my third child, but I thought I would better start with the first…. so here we go…. I was always curvy, so I didn’t really experience any more stretch marks than the one I already had…. And I must say that the body just got more mature…. from a chubby teen to a curvy woman! I had no complaints about it :)

Age: Now 27 then 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1st of 3…
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 0,3,5

Hello Again, Friends (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Previous post here.

This is my new entry :) I made a previous entry approximately a year ago describing my issues with body image and trying to love my body. Am I there yet? I wish I could say that I am but it is a long process. I have had my struggles and to be honest some days are better than others. Some days I feel like a sexy mamma ! Other days I wear baggy clothes and I want to hide my body. You just never know. What I feel has honestly helped is working out. I am extremely passionate about it. I am six years post p and I still have the stomach of loose skin and breasts that sag more than I like. Still, when I challenge my body in a work out I feel a million times better. I feel strong despite my negative emotions about my body. When I work out I feel like it doesnt matter that my skin sags in certain spots or that I have stretch marks. All I think about is being brace and strong. There are so many emotional stories on here. What I find motivating about this site is that even if you read a sad story about a woman who fears her new body, women comment to make her feel how she truly should, a strong woman, a tiger who should be worshiped for her contribution to this world even if you feel like the only one you ever made was your child. To have a child and raise a child whether you are old or young is an amazing thing. None of us do it perfectly and we all have regrets. Lets not make our bodies one of those regrets. When you only have one life to live why punish yourself for something like this? Embrace who you are and how you feel. Acknowledge your feelings and morn the old body but embrace what is new after that. Be healthy, eat healthy and try to think healthy as a whole. Focus on that amazing child of yours :)

I give all of the women on this site a lot of credit :) Every single one of you from all walks of life….one big thing in common. The life we brought into this world !

Here are some pics :)

– one pregnancy
– 6 years pp

Scars of Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I am a 23 yr old mom of 3 ages 4, 1, & 1 month old i am 8 wks pp 3 csections.I had my first @ 18 yrs old my pregnancy in the beginning was tough because I was living in an environment unhealthy to my child and to myself. Aside from the fact my child’s father was abusive the person we were living with one of his parents wouldn’t let us get food stamps, because they were too prideful and didn’t want to look like a state case. I and my unborn child were malnourished I weight less then 95lbs. Eventually I let that situation and got to a safe haven where I was fed and gained weight and my child was starting too look as though he was going to burst me open I went unmarked (stretch marks ) for 8 months then my son was born And i seen what had truly happened after my csection. I was devastated, insecure, my body had been destroyed by this cute lil baby. I grew so fast after leaving his abusive father & the environment in which We my unborn & i were being deprived of the nourishment we needed. I felt like It was a reminder of the things this person & his family put me through. But it was a reminder of our determination to thrive and survive. We made it. In 2008 We found a man to love us, his family loves us we fit right into his life perfectly. I got married i never thought I was beautiful I couldn’t stand my body so I didn’t see how a man could but he did. In 2009 3 yrs after my son was born I had my lil girl I gained not 1 extra mark she is the easiest lil person but I feared for her body and getting stretch marks like I did. And 16 months dec 2011 after her I have birth to my newest lil boy and I gained no extra from him.

These are scars that remind me of the path I chose for my survival and my 1st sons survival.

So in a way they are well earned

Trying to Find Beauty Among the Stretch Marks (Dani)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

Pregnancies/Births: 1/1
Age: 21
My sons age : 1 month

I had a beautiful son January 8th, 2012, and on that day, I felt like a new person. All of a sudden, life had a meaning. I look into his eyes and I see his crazy, but amazing personality. And I cannot believe that I created something so amazing. He is my whole life. However, when I look in the mirror I want to cringe at how I look, and it makes me feel like a bad mom. I have this amazing little boy to hold and love, and I am concerned about my body? I have issues with my body for a long time, though….

I was always a little on the bigger side. My senior year of high school I finally tipped the scale at 170 pounds (I am 5’5”). I got so depressed. I started working out and eating a little less, I lost 25 pounds. Which that was good for a while. Then I started dating who is now my husband. Which he loves how I look and always has. But after a year of dating, his parents invited us to go camping for a week at a lake. I got so scared about being in a swimsuit. So, I started dieting and working out…It got so out of control. Over the course of a few months I went from 145 to 93 pounds. And I have kind of a medium build body, so I had bones sticking out everywhere, but I still felt so fat. Towards the end of my dieting disaster, I was only eating an apple a day. And even then I felt like it was going to make me fat. I would walk 2 miles to work, be on my feet for 8-12 hours and then walk the 2 miles back. I did this 6 days a week. And even then, I would sometimes wake up in the morning to go on a jog. But after a while, I had no energy. I even got tired just walking to the bathroom, but I didn’t care. In September, 2010 I missed my period and thought I was pregnant. So I put my selfish ways aside and started eating normal, for the sake of the possible child. I took many tests and they were negative. But just in case they were wrong, I kept eating and so my weight kept going up. I finally got my period again 3 months later. My doctor said my period stopped because I wasn’t eating enough. I was super devastated that I wasn’t pregnant, because I liked that idea. So, I decided to keep eating and then after a months of me getting healthier, my husband and I decided we would try to have a baby. We weren’t planning on succeeding the first month =)
I started my pregnancy at 130. By the time I delivered, I was a whopping 212 pounds. I have a thyroid problem, which was discovered halfway through my pregnancy. I didn’t have gestational diabetes and my baby and I were healthy, so I was hoping most of it would come right off after delivery….I was SOOOO wrong. I am not down to 180 pounds and cannot lose anymore. I am breastfeeding, and I was hoping that would help me lose weight, but I haven’t lost anything. I am watching what I eat, and exercising lightly. (I will exercise more once I get the okay from my doc at my next check up). I hate how I look…My belly is squishy and jiggly and just hangs there, and I have stretch marks like crazy (which is understandable since my son was 8 pounds 13 ounces!!!). But I hate it…i feel so gross…i still wear my maternity pants because the band holds in my sagging belly, which, wearing my maternity pants is pretty embarrassing too.

I don’t know what to do or think. I love my son and I wouldn’t change it for the world, no matter how bad I think I look. But, it’s tough knowing what I used to look like and then looking at how I am now. I guess I will have to get over it, cause it’s not like it’s going to change just cause I wish that it would…Once I am done breastfeeding him next year, I am going to go on a HEALTHY diet and exercise a lot more. I really don’t want to go back to how I was, but that is how I feel….I have to force myself to eat now because I ignore my hunger and feel guilty every time I eat. Oh well, I guess…I have beautiful son out of it, so I can’t complain too much =)

C-Section, Droopy Tummy, & the Bright Side (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 5 Comments

Photo 1: PUPPS rash and stretch marks at 7 months pregnant
Photo 2: 38 weeks pregnant. 1 week before my delivery
Photo 3: 4 months PP boobs and stomach (front view)
Photo 4: 4 months PP stomach (side view)
Photo 5: Close up of stretch marks
Photo 6: Close up of C-Section scar
Photo 7: Postpartum booty. Not too shabby

~Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: PP 4 months

Me and my husband of 3 years are the proud parents of a 4 month old baby girl born in October 2011. She is amazing and truly one of a kind. No really, she is a rare one. She weighed nearly 12 lbs at birth! I called her my sumo baby. I was really just happy to get her out since I had one hell of a pregnancy. I had morning sickness for the first 6 months. Not necessarily puking my guts out but just nauseous and dizzy more often than I would have liked. I also had ridiculous heartburn, sciatic nerve pain and round ligament pain the entire time which woke me up every hour of the night. In regards to the heartburn, I really got sick of hearing “Your baby is going to have a lot of hair!”. Then I got the dreaded PUPPS rash which covered my arms,legs and stomach. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I wanted to burn my skin off it was so itchy. I thought, things couldn’t get worse than this. The bright side, baby looks great and healthy with each screening. Yay! Another plus, I passed all gestational diabetes screenings. Then, I go in for my 36 week ultrasound. The baby is measuring almost 10lbs at 36 weeks! I have also developed some high blood pressure (146/90). My Obgyn sends me to a high risk clinic for further testing. Ummm…now I really have high blood pressure, haha! So, I go to the high risk clinic and have a more in depth ultrasound. Again, baby is measuring almost 10lbs. Eek! And again, my blood pressure is high so they diagnose me with Preeclamsia and want me to go to the hospital. Double Eek! I spend 4 hours at the hospital getting my blood pressure monitored. Again, baby looks perfect. My blood pressure finally goes down to normal so they send me home. Now back to the Obgyn. She strongly recommends scheduling a delivery via C-Section. She says my pelvis is pretty narrow and is afraid if the ultrasounds are even close to being right there is no way I can push that baby out. After much debate, I finally cave into scheduling the C-Section at 39 weeks. I should also point out, my stomach was massive! People thought I was carrying twins in that bad boy. I gained 40lbs during my pregnancy which is about average but I swear every pound was in my stomach. I was stretched to the max. My stomach was so hard. I steered away from sharp objects for fear I may pop, ha! Paired with being covered in stretch marks and the PUPPS rash, it looked like a mangled creature in a horror movie or a burn victim. Horrendous! I had a feeling my stomach would never be the same after childbirth. I was certainly right. So, here comes week 39. I go in for my C-Section scared to death since I have never had surgery in all my 32 years. Hell, I didn’t even know how to put the hospital gown on. Clueless! Everyone is super supportive and they hook me up to the monitors. The nurse asks if I have experienced any real contractions. I say “Not that I am aware of.” Then she proceeds to tell me “Uh, you are having some pretty good ones right now!” Well considering my stomach was so stretched and hard as a rock, it would be very difficult to feel anything until they became painful. Thank goodness they scheduled me today. Phew! The C-Section went great aside from the 8 attempts it took to get the epidural needle in. Talk about uncomfortable! They kept thinking they were hitting bone but it was just my hard ass ligaments. Lucky me! The only other discomfort I experienced during the C-Section was the uncontrollable shivering. My arms shook like I was on a vibrating bed. It was really annoying. Other than that, I didn’t feel a thing. Out comes the baby! Whoa! That is what I hear from everyone on the other side of the curtain. She is huge and has a full head of hair! I guess the heartburn myth was right! I see her adorable plumpness for about 10 seconds before they whisk her to the weighing station. 11lbs 11oz! Holy crap! She checks out healthy except with all big babies her blood sugar is low. So, she is sent to the NICU. It was actually kind of funny visiting her in the NICU. Here is this giant baby surrounded by all these premie babies. If a baby death match broke out, we wouldn’t need to worry about her. Anyways, her sugar stabilized after 3 days but we couldn’t leave until I passed gas. OMG! It was the worst pain ever being so full of gas and not being able to release it. Even my shoulders hurt from it. Finally, I let out the best fart of my life! Still full of gas for a couple weeks after but at least I got to go home and be with my baby. The first couple of weeks being first time parents were a bit scary but after that we adjusted. Let me just say, I thank my lucky stars since we were blessed with a baby who likes to sleep. By 6 weeks, she was sleeping an average of 6 hours at night then by 10 weeks sleeping an average of 8 hours at night! I think God gave me this gift for having such an awful pregnancy. It has been 4 months now and I couldn’t be happier. Our marriage has gotten stronger and we have this beautiful little girl. She is now at an average weight for her age and is the cutest thing ever. The only thing I am not happy with is this sorry excuse for a stomach I now have. I know it has only been 4 months but it is frustrating when you drop all 40 pregnancy pounds within the first 2 weeks following birth but still have to carry around this relentless growth in front of you. I look fine in clothes and feel great when people compliment me but it is a whole other story when the clothes come off. That droopy thing just stares up at me snickering. My boobs are sagging a bit too but they aren’t that bad. I think it helped that my boobs were super perky before hand. I keep looking at the bright side which is my backside. Haha! I am pleased to say my ass still looks nice. A little bigger but nice. All I can do is keep on working on the tummy and eventually will see some progress. I need to keep telling myself, your stomach looks damn good for being stretched to the max and giving birth to a giant baby. I have a loving husband, a comfortable home, wonderful friends and the most beautiful baby ever. I am loving life so suck it droopy tummy! Quit raining on my parade! :-)

3 Years and 80 Pounds (Sarah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age: 25
4 pregnancies/1 live birth
Daughter: age 3 years, 3 months.

When I was 21 years old, I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. I had three miscarriages prior to this pregnancy due to low levels of progesterone. I was told by the doctors that I would not be able to maintain a healthy pregnancy without hormone injections daily. Because of this, I refused to become excited about my pregnancy until I saw the doctor. I was afraid I would end up with a fourth miscarriage, but by some miracle I was able to carry my daughter E.J. without hormones! I stand at 5’11 and started my pregnancy at 190/195 lbs (I have a medium build and looked skinny at 190) but I walked out of the hospital at 262lbs. I was placed on bed rest for the final few months of my pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia (high bp etc) I was forced to quit my job and sit around. During this time I watched in horror as my entire body swelled. I can recall the day I phoned the doctor to ask them if it was normal that my feet were purple with white spots, they told me to hurry in. It was at the appointment that they determined they would have to induce my labor. A week or so later I was in the hospital being dosed with pitocin to start my labor. When I went in, I was 38 1/2 weeks and wasn’t even dilated at all. They had me on pitocin until the next day (overnight!) and when they checked me I hadn’t progressed at all. They told me this was unusual as most people are “thrown into labor” from this drug, but nope…not I. Instead, they broke my water. 2 hours later I was dilated to 3 and got my epidural, 7 1/2 hours after that I started pushing, and 30 minutes later she was born. Ten hours total for my first labor & birth. (I’m kind of afraid of how fast a second might go!) She was 6lbs 14 oz and I had gained over 70 pounds with her while I was pregnant. Fortunately, 30 pounds left within a week of my leaving the hospital but I spent the next 2 years working off the rest. I now weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy, but my body is entirely different.

The years it took me to lose weight were difficult ones. I was going through a divorce & a 1,000 mile move with a 2 year old and trying to lose weight. I did weight watchers for a few months and then quit when I realized I didn’t need to calorie count but rather switch to a healthier lifestyle. I’m a big foodie so I couldn’t just stop eating or minimize what I ate. Instead, I walked or worked out daily. Unfortunately, my body didn’t react to that at all. I lost 9 inches off my waist but my body never toned. To this day, three years later, there is no tone. I have been told after a loss of nearly 80 pounds I will likely need a little nip/tuck to get back to a flat tummy state.

Before finding SOAM, I was talking to a few friends who had similar issues but were only around 145 at their heaviest and thought they were “big girls.” This website has made me realize that I’m not alone in the battle of the baby blubber or the stretchmarked zebra tummy loathing. I’m so glad that I can physically SEE other women who have stomachs that look like mine, who struggle the way that I do, and who question if they’ll ever feel sexy/beautiful/confident again. After my divorce, I began dating my best friend from high school and we’ve been together since. He tells me I’m beautiful and that he is amazed by my body since it created a child. I wish I could see myself like that, through his eyes. I am thankful that after all I went through, I was able to carry my daughter to term and that she was a healthy baby. I know that she was my miracle baby and I wouldn’t trade what I went through for the world, but it would be nice if the rest of this baby blubber would just melt away…

The picture in the tank top is me at 262 pounds in 2008
The bathing suit picture is me at 262 in 2008 and recent pictures from October 2011.
The rest of the pictures were taken January 17th, 2012. (Size 12)
It took 3 1/2 years of hard work to get this far…and I’m no where near finished.
Note: I currently vary between 185-190 pounds.