First Pregnancy

No Comparison (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 24 Comments

We hear so often that celebrities aren’t comparable to real people because they have things we regular mortals can only dream of: trainers, laser treatments, personal chefs, plastic surgeons on site, maternity fashion stylists, spa treatments, etc. And I guess all of that’s true. And I guess I can accept that and not compare myself to them. But what about when your best friend glides through pregnancy in high heels, skinny jeans and with fabulous hair? What about when she walks out of the hospital thinner and less scarred then you were before you ever even thought about having kids? What about when everyone says she must have had such a great pregnancy/post pregnancy body because she had her kid at 23 and nursed. And you did those same things (but at 21!!) and your body looks like a horror story? I wish I could say that I didn’t compare. I wish I could just be happy that not everyone has to go through the mental agony over their bodies that I did after my baby was born. I wish I could realize that maybe others have their own personal trials and not glorify my own image issues so much. Everyone has problems, no one is perfect. I say it to myself every day. Jealousy is wrong because it makes us focus on what we don’t have and takes away our focus from all that we are blessed with. I know this! And yet, I have a very hard time not comparing myself to others. Especially other mothers. I had my baby 2 and half years ago. My best friend had hers three weeks ago: Not a stretch mark, not a drop of extra skin, back in size 2 pants. The stats shouldn’t matter but they do. Everyone has problems, no one is perfect. Everyone has problems, no one is perfect. How bad am I that that thought comforts me? I don’t want my best friend to have problems, but if she doesn’t my own flaws seem so incredibly magnified. It is so easy for me to see the beauty in others. Which might be considered a good trait, except that I use their found beauty to tarnish my own. I’ve worked so hard and the weight was gone quickly but my skin is ruined. I wish someone had told me. I told my friend. She laughed it off and she was right, for her it was a joke. Pregnancy did nothing, she’s said so herself. (In a sweet way, she’s really kind. these issues are my own and not hers, just wanted to make that clear.) I want to be a better person. I want to see others AND myself as beautiful. I want to stop apologizing for my scars. I want to stop feeling like I failed. Everyone has problems, no one is perfect.

I’m 24.
I’ve been pregnant once.
I have one son.
My son is 2 and half years old.
I’ve worked so hard to get here! These pictures might not show that but they’re where I am today:

Postpartum Hair Loss (Samantha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Alopecia, First Pregnancy, Hair Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Thyroid Issues 6 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: one
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 13 months

I spent most of my childhood battling alopecia. I went to some of the top doctors, including Johns Hopkins, and they still couldn’t figure out a reason for my hair loss. By the time I hit puberty, my hair had all come back in. It was extremely frizzy, dry, and wispy and nothing I did was able to fix it. I faced so much ridicule and low self esteem from my battles.

When I got pregnant, my hair came in so beautifully…my eyebrows became noticable, and I was basking in it all. I felt so beautiful for once with my thick, perfect shiny hair. I guess I should have known it wouldn’t last though. About 3 months post partum, my hair started falling out. I figured it was the normal shedding that I had read about and didn’t think anything of it. Months and months went by and I was still shedding like crazy. At 11 months post partum…I went to the mirror and overnight I had grown a large baldspot at the top of my head. I panicked and spent the whole night sobbing…feeling so ugly…crying about how my body was doing this again after years of being fine. Crying about the loss of my “beauty”…and I spent the night looking at wigs.

I ended up going to the doctor for it the next day. Turned out, I had developed post-partum thyroidis…and it had turned into hypothyroid. Being left untreated, my hair was falling out from it. Now I am on the medication for life and my hair has stopped falling out…but two months later the bald spot still remains. My husband says he sees growth…I don’t see anything but bald, bald, bald. I have resorted to doing a comb over every day. I don’t know if it will grown in one day…or if this is for life. I do know one thing…the pregnancy did this to me. And despite how depressed I may feel about my appearance right now, my son brings me daily joy and the little stinker has enough hair for the two of us. The way he looks at me…he doesn’t see my bald spot…and even if he did, he would still find me beautiful.

Not Even Halfway (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

19 years old. 1st pregnancy. 17 weeks.

I’m only seventeen weeks and I have been struggling with my weight gain. My doctors and family say its completely normal, I know I haven’t a lot to be so upset about I’m not gaining more weight than I’m supposed too. But I’m very stressed, I was in a relationship that had me so wrapped up. We broke up. Then I find out I’m a month pregnant. I did even want to tell him, and hadn’t planned on doing so, he broke my heart, and I just didn’t want to be more of a burden on him. But I tell him since all my close friends agreed that he needed to know. Once I told him it seemed like all friendship we had left over from our relationship was drained. The reaction I expected. He’s a year and six months older and already has a child. I just made his life even harder. I have been going through this whole pregnancy alone. With his first son. I wanted him to at least with our child. But it has now come down to being fully single and completely alone. Now I’m growing which is ultimately difficult, I never was a “skinny” girl always had curves and was kind of thick. I’m only 5’3. But before I became pregnant I was the smallest I had been since middle school. A shapely 2. Now I’m a four, and in maternity pants because I’m carrying so low. Every day is a new day and another one conquered. I’m working on my body issues, I just wish people would quit pointing out that in clothes I just look like I’ve gained weight not “showing”.

Update (Elivert)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Hispanic, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Original post here.

PP: 9 MONTHS
AGE: 21

After my first post I have had many changes in my life, I have a beautiful baby I love and a wonderful husband that every day brings more smiles and joy in my life and supports me unconditionally with my new body and outlook on life , because we are now parents and husband and wife.

I feel changes every day and sometimes I feel as sexy as before my pregnancy, but I look in the mirror and says, “wake up from that dream, hellooooo” and so are sometimes but I say, every woman has her charm and I’m happy with my life, my husband and my daughter that changed my life forever. Thank God Dagny is a healthy baby from birth, and it was what she loved most in my pregnancy and measures the effects on my body and so what would happen next LOL My fatty national of 10 Lbs. cesarean and every day agradesco for my baby and my husband to make me really alive and forget for a few hours of vanity. Of course the inside completely changed my life and my body is part of it too, as time goes by my appearance is improving and I am more satisfied and used to my stretch marks, I’m almost at my pre-pregnancy weight and a longer maybe lose more before another baby, but I’m still terrified, I think it will wait for the next 5 years LOL

Mothers here I leave my recent photos of my wonderful body hahaha LMAO Just kidding, but it has served to give life and show it proudly :)

Feel alone, but trying to stay positive. (Sophia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

Its been 4 months since i had my baby boy , hes my everything my whole world, But i cant help feeling so upset about my body now and could really use somone to talk to, Im 18 years old and had my boy by c section its left me whole body in a state i feel disgusting, i look at other mothers and see that i look the worst out of any of them and i just wonder if i will ever look okish again, I am no longer with my babys dad and i just wonder if anyone could ever love somone who looks so hideous, I plaster my face in make up and have hair extensions just to make some part of me look decent at all, i used to be so outgoing but now i just think people are staring and i get so worried about it, I just want to feel confident again. I love my little boy and i wouldnt change a thing, just want to feel happy in my own skin and not want to be desprate for surgery. :(

Mother of one

What Makes Me Valuable? (Ginni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions

I’m much more superficial than I care to admit, even to myself. I’ve always talked a lot about how looks don’t matter, but it’s easy to say that when you’re skinny without even trying to be. When my husband and I started trying to have a baby, I was thrilled, but I secretly freaked out. I cried and had thoughts like, “I should have waited and had more fun before ruining my body.”

At some point I accepted that my body might never be the same. Immediately after giving birth, I was horrified by my body–my stomach felt like a deflated balloon, my bellybutton poked out, I couldn’t fit my rings onto my fingers. But I was also madly in love with my daughter and wondering how life could ever have existed without her. In the days after her birth, I told my husband, “If my body looks like this for the rest of my life, it will be so worth it to have her.”

Over the next few weeks, I was excited to find my body returning to normal. That was when I started hearing comments. Inevitably, it was “I hate you.” It’s always said in a meant-to-be-joking way, but with an undercurrent of truth. It hurts me more than it should and makes me feel like I don’t have a right to be insecure about the ways that my body HAS changed. My breasts are loose and saggy after a feeding and I know that’s how they’ll look when I’m done nursing. My old jeans give me a muffin top. I worry that when I get pregnant again in a year or two, my body won’t “bounce back” the way it did this time. Even more than that, it worries me that I care so much. I don’t want my happiness to be tied to what I think I “should” look like. And most importantly, I don’t want my sweet girl to learn from me that she has to look a certain way if she’s going to love herself.

Pictures: 37 weeks pregnant; 1 month postpartum; my daughter at 7 weeks

~Your Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1

Moving On (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update

Previous post here.

1 Vaginal Birth
1 Pregnancy
20 months PP
Age 22

After my first post, I wasn’t going to post again until after having a second child, to see where I was and how I felt about my body after having 2 children. But I feel like I need to share what has happened with me since posting at 5 months PP. My husband deployed when our daughter was 9 months old, and it was shortly after that, that I found out he was viewing/watching porn. Its impossible to explain the feelings of grief, of disbelief, of betrayal and of unbelievable hurt. I didnt believe it at first, thought it was a joke or I was seeing things wrong. The image of the naked blonde woman I found is forever burned in my head. I confronted him, and of course, this was all done via email as I had no other way to speak with him. He admitted that he had been struggling with it for years, and would look at it off and on. This was the man who was so romantic and loving while we dated, and promised to love me and cherish me at our wedding, how could he DO this to me! I wont deny that my first thought was I was done with him, I wanted to take my daughter and leave him. After weeks of being angry and hurt, I realized that I still loved him and really wanted to make our marriage work. I told him he needed to stop and stop and stop now, get help, find an accountability partner, install anti-porn software, anything to stop. Five months later he returned home from deployment and I was sure I would never be able to be intimate with him again. Our first night together he told me he was sorry, told me he had never cheated on me, other then with the porn viewing, and that he still loved me. We have been able to be intimate again, although sometimes I confess it is difficult for me. We went through some counseling and I installed a porn blocker on the computer, that only I know the password to. Some days I feel fine, like it was all a dream, like I have forgiven him and some days I am suspicious and still angry and hurt. I couldnt decide if it was better to know all the details or not, I didn’t know to what extent he was doing it and what he had seen. I would occasionally check his email, check his computer history and files, and I don’t feel guilty about that, he lost his right to privacy and to be trusted when he broke my heart. A few nights ago I came upon his google history, going back I could see that since I had confronted him he hadn’t googled anything porn related, but beyond that date, I found so many pictures and images and porn related searches. It made me want to vomit. I felt that he didnt truly understand the hurt I felt, that his looking at other women and lusting for them, was as good as cheating to me. I confronted him once again, which resulted in tears and a few more confessions. At this point I am still looking to make our marriage work, I’d like to have more children and am working on trusting and forgiving again. My body image is terrible. I have been breastfeeding now for 20 months and feel like my breast are small and deflated, my stomach isnt flat like I’d want it to be, my butt shrunk after pregnancy and is no longer round and perky, my legs are gross. I want to get over it, to love my body for giving me my daughter and being healthy but I know it isn’t like the airbrushed perfect women my husband has seen. I just want to get past this.

Updated here.

4 Years Later… I Am Still Afraid of Showing My Body (Natalie G)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 1 Comment

Age 26
Number of pregnancies : 2 preg. 1 birth
Child: 4 years old. 48 months 1 week PP

Four years and 1 week ago (as of 11/08/11) I gave birth to the most amazing kid in the world. My son Jacob, who is the sweetest little boy ever, weighed in at 9lbs 11 oz and 21.5 inches long. He was 11 days early. I went to the dr on October 29 and I was at 80% effaced and 3 cm dilated. He was going to induce me on Monday November 5th. Apparently my little guy heard that and said NOPE! I am coming out in 2 1/2 days! I had a bloody show on Weds, Halloween, Oct 31, 2007. thought it wasnt much and dr’s assistant told me to roll on the exercise ball. So I went to the movies that night, with my mom and mother in law. We went to dinner first and then I started to have contractions. When we got out of the movies, my mom asked me how I was. I said, im having contractions. Her reaction… “you’re not in labor. We have been to the hospital 3 times for false labor! you’re fine!” So we went home at around 10:20. About 12:45 i went to the kitchen and had some pepsi. Went back upstairs and went back to bed. Around 2:16 I woke up to a huge POP! I thought maybe my bladder had exploded. I ran to the bathroom down the hall and grabbed my underwear. It was my water breaking! I yelled down the hall to my mom who didnt answer because she was asleep. Ran to her room, dripping all the way. “MoM! My water broke! Here’s my undies to prove it!” I called my husband as I got ready to go to the hospital. I said to him “hey im having your kid! get to the hospital!” (we were separated at the time) So we got in the van and I texted my best friend and called my mother in law (who would coach me thru the birth). We got to the hospital around 3:15 ish. I was 4 cm and 95% effaced. So then my husband showed up. I was having the worst back labor. My mom and my husband were making bets on the weight of the baby. Around 5 I had the epidural because the back pain was so bad and then my mom decided to go home and take a shower and nap. She would come back around 7. My mother in law joined us at 5:15 and helped me thru that. Around 650 my mom was just half a mile down the road with a breakfast sandwich for my hubby . He called her and said “mommy shes ready to go.” I was at 9 cm and ready to go. I pushed for 2 hours and then around 9:15 my dr said he would use the vacuum. The first one didnt work… so he tried another. Then that didnt work because my baby had so much hair. so he said I could keep pushing or use the forceps. So I chose the forceps to get the baby out. Apparently he had done an episiotomy on me (which i didnt want but no choice in the matter!) At 9:40 my baby boy was born and he was a BIG BABY for 11 days early! My mother in law and my husband were with me the whole time while my mom sat on the side (she didnt wanna see my va jay jay because she was scared lol). Dr was cleaning me up and I asked how big he was. 9 pounds! 11 ounces!? that is one BIG BABY! But he was perfect!!!!!!! So thats my birth story. My son is now 4 and is in preschool. He wants a sister but that’s not coming through anytime soon! I love my son with all my heart. I would not change it for the world.

First photo: 4 years 1 week PP
2nd photo: My baby after he was born
3rd photo: me at 2 weeks pre birth
4th photo: my son at 4 years old

Sad Moments (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 26 Comments

Previous post here.

Hello SOAM I nvr thought id be writing soi soon, but I’ve been having some real sad moments the past few weeks, where I’ve come real close to giving up hope, with thoughts of me never regaining the confidence I once had. I’m 2 months post partum and felt better when I was 3 weeks. Some persons who see me, knowing I recently gave birth can only comment on how fat I’ve gotten. That really hurts. And even when others tell me I don’t look like I had a baby just 2 months ago, the “u look so fat” remarks are what settle.

Right now I’m at my boyfriends house, and without thought, I’m living part of a nightmare I had when I just found the stretch marks on my belly. Where I couldn’t find my self undressing in front of him any more, I’m sure he notices, We don’t live together, its a long distance relationship, so seeing each other doesn’t happen often. This visit is the first in a long while, and I’m not very excited. I just want to go home. Home, where I can be alone, and be sad by myself. Where I don’t have to worry about killing his vibe for me. Where I can look in the mirror and criticize my body.

Having a baby changes everything. I never thought it’d change so much. Never knew such a happy event could make me feel so down. I can’t help but feel extremely sad when I see the way my body went to a whole new dimension right before my eyes. It is still too early to give up hope. But some days that is exactly what I feel like doing. I evn gained weight and inches :-( . My breast are now sagging. One is way bigger than the other, I’m no longer sexually appealing.

Because of all that, I’m slowly loosing my libido. The last time we had sex was in April, at that time I was still very sexy. Now that I’ve delivered a 8lb 4oz baby, and my body gone, no doubt, my hole is bigger and he’ll hate it. He’s a man. How much longer can he go without sex? Will he enjoy it the way he did? I’m nervous. I’m sad.

Being a mother is great, knowing my baby is being nourished from the one breast tht he loves, makes me happy. Knowing tht my now ugly belly kept him safe gives me closure, n makes me know it’s like this for a beautiful reason. But at times I can’t help but feel sad.

Over the weeks, since I’m a mom, I notice that all young moms aim is to look like what they used to. I think its sad how we allow society and celebrities to dictate what we look like wen we hv kids. And hv us worried, and stressed out.

Its as if we are slaves to beauty, when true beauty comes from within, from us bearing our children. I’m greatly affected by my changed body, and there isn’t much tht I could have done differently, I would not have done anything differently. Nothing’s more important than having a healthy baby.

I’ll start exercising soon, I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I over exert my body. And then I won’t be there for my baby. So far my bf doesn’t seemed bothered by the way I look. He still assures me tht I’ll soon look the way I used to. Embracing my mommy bod, cellulite, stretch marks fat, not being able to wear a mini skirt cuz of stretch marks on my calves and thighs, not being able to wear a bikini anymore isn’t easy and I know I’ll nevr look the way I used to but I have the hope of coming close.

Ps thanks for ur encouraging coments in my previous post – Sad but not giving up hope.

1st 2 pics: me in April
3rd pic: pre preggo breasts
4th pic: breasts now
5th & 6th: belly n boobs
7th pic: me sitting down
8th pic: me in clothes
9th pic: me n my hunny bun
10th & 11th pic: thigh stretch marks
12 & 13 pic: calf stretch marks

Getting There Finally! (Heidi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 12 Comments

Previous post here.

19 years old
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
9.5 months PP

When I first wrote back in May, I was really in a rough spot with my weight and self-esteem issues. I still don’t feel I’m at my “ideal” weight, but I do feel a lot better about myself.

My Stats as of 10/31/11:

Height:
5′ 2″ (hasn’t changed a bit, haha!)

High Weight:
157 lbs.

Weight before pregnancy:
134 lbs.

Current Weight:
129 lbs. (whoa!)

Goal Weight:
110 lbs.

I feel amazing. My self-confidence definitely has boosted a bit, as has my overall mood. I’m still breastfeeding, but mostly pumping, because my son will just NOT sit still long enough to nurse. And he BITES now. Major ouch. Little guy has 4 teeth, has been crawling for awhile, and is cruising and standing very well, but he still isn’t confident enough to walk. I’ll be in trouble when he can though!

Don’t lose hope ladies, it can be done. I finally got off my butt and started exercising and keeping track of what I ate, and the weight started to come off. A couple months ago, I’d down 4 of the huge KitKat bars (the one that is 3 normal KitKats in one) and think nothing of it. That was pretty much the same as eating about 4 Big Macs (calorie-wise) and I didn’t even notice or care! And I ate more on top of that, KitKats were just a snack. Thinking of it now disgusts me, but I can’t say I don’t still crave tons of chocolate. I’m a chocoholic, and it’s made losing weight a challenge, but I use a calorie tracker, and only eat chocolate in moderation, so I’m usually pretty good about it. I also stopped drinking pretty much everything except water. Occasionally, I’ll have a diet soda or some juice, but I’ve noticed nothing really quenches my thirst like water does.

Oh, and I realized in my previous post, it mentioned my wedding date of Nov 12th. Lol, we changed that, we’re not getting married until sometime next year (hopefully!), things have gotten rough financially. He thinks I look great, btw. I still feel I need some work, but I won’t deny I’m looking okay these days.

Time for pictures! I know a lot of ladies are interested in tummies, I know I am lol. I’m striving for as slim as I can get my tummy, but still tons of work to do there!

1st pic: Full body 9.5 months PP (kinda standing on the toilet lol)
2nd pic: Laying down tummy tum tum 9.5 months PP
3rd pic: Standing up tummy tum tum
4th pic: My fiance and I at a Halloween party
5th pic: My (little) big guy Ruskin
6th pic: What I look like clothed (standing on the toilet again, I’m short!)
7th pic: My little panda dude
8th pic: My happy family (well, I look happy, haha)

Happy Halloween everyone! Stay Strong, you’re all beautiful! xoxo