First Pregnancy

C-Section, Droopy Tummy, & the Bright Side (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, PUPPP Rash, Submissions 5 Comments

Photo 1: PUPPS rash and stretch marks at 7 months pregnant
Photo 2: 38 weeks pregnant. 1 week before my delivery
Photo 3: 4 months PP boobs and stomach (front view)
Photo 4: 4 months PP stomach (side view)
Photo 5: Close up of stretch marks
Photo 6: Close up of C-Section scar
Photo 7: Postpartum booty. Not too shabby

~Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: PP 4 months

Me and my husband of 3 years are the proud parents of a 4 month old baby girl born in October 2011. She is amazing and truly one of a kind. No really, she is a rare one. She weighed nearly 12 lbs at birth! I called her my sumo baby. I was really just happy to get her out since I had one hell of a pregnancy. I had morning sickness for the first 6 months. Not necessarily puking my guts out but just nauseous and dizzy more often than I would have liked. I also had ridiculous heartburn, sciatic nerve pain and round ligament pain the entire time which woke me up every hour of the night. In regards to the heartburn, I really got sick of hearing “Your baby is going to have a lot of hair!”. Then I got the dreaded PUPPS rash which covered my arms,legs and stomach. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I wanted to burn my skin off it was so itchy. I thought, things couldn’t get worse than this. The bright side, baby looks great and healthy with each screening. Yay! Another plus, I passed all gestational diabetes screenings. Then, I go in for my 36 week ultrasound. The baby is measuring almost 10lbs at 36 weeks! I have also developed some high blood pressure (146/90). My Obgyn sends me to a high risk clinic for further testing. Ummm…now I really have high blood pressure, haha! So, I go to the high risk clinic and have a more in depth ultrasound. Again, baby is measuring almost 10lbs. Eek! And again, my blood pressure is high so they diagnose me with Preeclamsia and want me to go to the hospital. Double Eek! I spend 4 hours at the hospital getting my blood pressure monitored. Again, baby looks perfect. My blood pressure finally goes down to normal so they send me home. Now back to the Obgyn. She strongly recommends scheduling a delivery via C-Section. She says my pelvis is pretty narrow and is afraid if the ultrasounds are even close to being right there is no way I can push that baby out. After much debate, I finally cave into scheduling the C-Section at 39 weeks. I should also point out, my stomach was massive! People thought I was carrying twins in that bad boy. I gained 40lbs during my pregnancy which is about average but I swear every pound was in my stomach. I was stretched to the max. My stomach was so hard. I steered away from sharp objects for fear I may pop, ha! Paired with being covered in stretch marks and the PUPPS rash, it looked like a mangled creature in a horror movie or a burn victim. Horrendous! I had a feeling my stomach would never be the same after childbirth. I was certainly right. So, here comes week 39. I go in for my C-Section scared to death since I have never had surgery in all my 32 years. Hell, I didn’t even know how to put the hospital gown on. Clueless! Everyone is super supportive and they hook me up to the monitors. The nurse asks if I have experienced any real contractions. I say “Not that I am aware of.” Then she proceeds to tell me “Uh, you are having some pretty good ones right now!” Well considering my stomach was so stretched and hard as a rock, it would be very difficult to feel anything until they became painful. Thank goodness they scheduled me today. Phew! The C-Section went great aside from the 8 attempts it took to get the epidural needle in. Talk about uncomfortable! They kept thinking they were hitting bone but it was just my hard ass ligaments. Lucky me! The only other discomfort I experienced during the C-Section was the uncontrollable shivering. My arms shook like I was on a vibrating bed. It was really annoying. Other than that, I didn’t feel a thing. Out comes the baby! Whoa! That is what I hear from everyone on the other side of the curtain. She is huge and has a full head of hair! I guess the heartburn myth was right! I see her adorable plumpness for about 10 seconds before they whisk her to the weighing station. 11lbs 11oz! Holy crap! She checks out healthy except with all big babies her blood sugar is low. So, she is sent to the NICU. It was actually kind of funny visiting her in the NICU. Here is this giant baby surrounded by all these premie babies. If a baby death match broke out, we wouldn’t need to worry about her. Anyways, her sugar stabilized after 3 days but we couldn’t leave until I passed gas. OMG! It was the worst pain ever being so full of gas and not being able to release it. Even my shoulders hurt from it. Finally, I let out the best fart of my life! Still full of gas for a couple weeks after but at least I got to go home and be with my baby. The first couple of weeks being first time parents were a bit scary but after that we adjusted. Let me just say, I thank my lucky stars since we were blessed with a baby who likes to sleep. By 6 weeks, she was sleeping an average of 6 hours at night then by 10 weeks sleeping an average of 8 hours at night! I think God gave me this gift for having such an awful pregnancy. It has been 4 months now and I couldn’t be happier. Our marriage has gotten stronger and we have this beautiful little girl. She is now at an average weight for her age and is the cutest thing ever. The only thing I am not happy with is this sorry excuse for a stomach I now have. I know it has only been 4 months but it is frustrating when you drop all 40 pregnancy pounds within the first 2 weeks following birth but still have to carry around this relentless growth in front of you. I look fine in clothes and feel great when people compliment me but it is a whole other story when the clothes come off. That droopy thing just stares up at me snickering. My boobs are sagging a bit too but they aren’t that bad. I think it helped that my boobs were super perky before hand. I keep looking at the bright side which is my backside. Haha! I am pleased to say my ass still looks nice. A little bigger but nice. All I can do is keep on working on the tummy and eventually will see some progress. I need to keep telling myself, your stomach looks damn good for being stretched to the max and giving birth to a giant baby. I have a loving husband, a comfortable home, wonderful friends and the most beautiful baby ever. I am loving life so suck it droopy tummy! Quit raining on my parade! :-)

So Much Stronger (Hannah)

Bonnie (SOAM) First Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 1 Comment

Age: 19
Number of pregnancies/births: 1
Age of child: 4 1/2 months

My story of motherhood begins on New Year’s Day of 2011, when, only eight weeks after our wedding, I handed my new husband a pregnancy test with a big blue “+” on it. We had been hoping to have children soon, so we were both surprised and happy. We got to see our little man on Saint Patrick’s Day, and, although I had known I was pregnant, it really hit me that day that there was an amazing little wiggly 16 week old person in there, with fingers, toes, and a face he wouldn’t let us get a good look at yet.
One month later, we got a look at his privates and give him a name. As Sean developed inside of me, I fell so in love with those kicks and bump and hiccups, and when I was around seven months pregnant, my husband and I had fun feeling around for his sweet little butt and elbows. I went into labor at 41 weeks, having gained 25 pounds, which doesn’t sound like much, but on a 5′ frame, it was plenty, and I was anxious to meet my son. I had wanted so much for a completely natural birth, but after three days of hard labor, we decided to opt for an edipural. My (highly needle-phobic) husband was so incredibly supportive the whole time, I am still amazed by what he went through with me. He held me, rubbed my back, got me drinks, etc., on and off for about 72 hours, while running on about six hours of sleep, a small coffee, and an order of french fries.
Finally, after an hour of pushing, Sean entered this world into his father’s waiting arms at 12:51 a.m. on September 10th, and weighing 6lb. 14oz. He had some trouble breathing at first, so the doctors kept him in the nursery for two days. I am so thankful for the nurses who took the time to notify me when he was hungry, so I could start breastfeeding, even though he wasn’t in the room with us.
Now he is a healthy 16 pounds, and breastfeeding has been so good for both of us.
The majority of my pregnancy weight came off in the first few days after birth, and I could wear my “fat jeans” within one week. By three weeks, I was back into my old jeans, and although I still need to continue toning up the lost abdominal muscle, I am happy with my weight loss overall.
One of the things that has impressed me the most about the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth is the incredible strength of the female body. The fact that we can grow and nurture another human being within us, and then give birth to them, is astonishing. It shouldn’t possible, but it is.
Whatever we are left with afterward, whether it’s a couple extra pounds, some sagging skin, or permanent marks across our bellies, should remind us that we are the bringers of life to this world, and that we have accomplished the impossible.

The photo is of our sweet boy

The Clothes Hide the Ugly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

Age: 19
One child who is 2 years old.

Hi, I love this site and love to see real bodies. I just wanted to confess that I have a mommy body. My stomach hangs like a W, I have stretch marks so large and small that cover my breasts, butt, stomach, hips, thighs, and behind the legs. And my breast are not full or perky. I am the most insecure woman you will ever meet. I wear baggy clothes to hide the muffin top and to avoid the mistake of accidentally showing my ugly stomach. I lost all my baby weight, but everything else still remains. All I want is for my stomach to be firm, the stretch marks to go away behind my legs so I can wear shorts, and for my boobs to look like 19 year old boobs. It bugs me everyday! Since the day I gave birth two years ago. I just want to feel confident and beautiful. Thanks for reading my story. =)

Adjusting to the Changes (mommy2m)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Hispanic, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 19
# of pregnancies and births: 1
7 days Postpartum
Prepregnancy weight: 155 lbs End of pregnancy weight: 197.8 lbs Current weight: 178 lbs
Height: 5’1″

My husband and I have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. We moved in with each other when I was 17 and planned to get married sometime within the next year. A few months after I turned 18, I experienced some burning while I peed and figured I had a UTI. The burning got worse and I started to feel a cramping sensation and I got concerned that it may have become a bladder infection. My husband (at the time he was my boyfriend,) took me to the emergency room where they took a urine sample and gave me a room to wait in. When the doctor came back, she asked me if there was any way I could be pregnant, and of course I was shocked and said no. She took a blood sample to confirm the urine result, and it came back positive. I was so shocked and scared that i immediately left the hospital against medical advice (she wanted to do an ultrasound.) The next day I got my antibiotics for the UTI and started doing a lot of thinking. We decided that we wanted this baby, despite how hard it might be to maintain going to college (which I started when I was 16,) raising the baby, etc. In June I had my first appointment with an OB and got to hear my son’s heartbeat for the first time. I found out I would be due to give birth on January 15th, 2012. When I was 28 weeks, I decided I wanted a natural birth at a birth center with a midwife. I found a wonderful midwife who was 100 times what my OB ever was. She was amazing!!

My water broke on January 11th, 2012. My labor did not start on its own so my midwife began natural induction methods. I did two rounds of castor oil, lots of breast pumping, walking, homeopathics, accupuncture, blue and black cohosh, several other labor tinctures, pineapple, accupressure… We literally tried everything possible and none of it started labor. On January 12th around 5 pm, we had to discuss transfer to a hospital for induction. She had given me more than the 24 hours they are supposed to allow for labor to start, and nothing had happened. I was 5 cm and 90% effaced, but I had been like this for about 2 days with no sign of active labor starting. I arrived at the hospital around 6:00 pm and at 7:30 pm, they started the Pitocin. My midwife, husband, mother and a very close cousin of mine all remained with me and supported me through my labor. I went 6 hours on Pitocin without the epidural using the hypnobirthing method, but when they upped the dose for the third time, I couldn’t tolerate the pain any longer. The contractions were coming at about 30 seconds apart and lasting over a minute long, and the back labor pain never went away. I thought I had to have reached transition and had the nurse check me. After 6 hours of Pitocin, I had not dilated at all, I was still at 5 cm and my cervix hadn’t thinned anymore. I was SO disappointed and the contractions just kept getting worse til I was pretty much just screaming non-stop. The birth ball no longer helped me, hip squeezes weren’t easing the pain, nothing was helping. My midwife suggested that I get the epidural saying that maybe my inability to relax was causing me not to dilate. After about 30 minutes of consideration, I did decide to get the epidural. The nurse checked me about 10 minutes after I received the epidural and I had dilated 2 cm already. After that I was able to relax and get some rest and they continued to up the dose of Pitocin (which my son was handling extremely well. His heart rate remained steady the entire time.) Around 5:45 am I called the nurse in and told her I felt the urge to push and was feeling a lot of pressure in my vaginal area. My son was starting to descend. She didn’t want me to start pushing yet because the OB was not there (another patient of his at the same hospital was delivering her baby when I wanted to start pushing,) but I pretty much told her I was going to push with or without her. She stayed with me and at 6 am after having the epidural stopped, I started pushing. Pushing was the most physical effort I have ever put into anything. When my son started crowning all I could think of was the incredible pain I was feeling. The nurse was doing perineal massage the entire time I was pushing, which really was super uncomfortable and somewhat painful. However, I really feel she stopped me from getting external tearing. My husband, mom, and cousin (my midwife had to go home around 4 am because of issues with her daughter,) all supported me so much through my whole labor but especially during pushing. All of their encouragement really helped me stay strong and push with all my might despite the discomfort and exhaustion I felt. The OB arrived when my son’s head was halfway out. My son was coming out in a twisted posterior position and with his hand by his hand so the OB acted quickly and twisted my son’s body into the proper position which helped me bring my son into the world within the next 30 seconds. As soon as my son came out, he was placed on my chest while the OB checked me for tearing and monitored my bleeding and placental delivery. All I could think about was how perfect my little boy is and how happy I was to finally have him here! The OB did find 2 2nd degree internal tears, which he quickly stitched up (I only need one stitch for each tear.) I am so excited to have my son!!!!!

However, I’m not sure how I feel about my body. I gained 43 pounds with pregnancy and have lost about 20.I have minimal stretch marks that seem like they’d be pretty hard to see with a little bit of tanning. But my stomach feels like a deflated balloon and my thighs feel like jelly. I like my breasts. They’ve always been big and perky, and now they’re just bigger, which I don’t mind haha. But I can’t get over my stomach and the weird linea nigra i got which sort of curves around my bellybutton (which I’m hoping will go away,) and the ugly scar I have from the bellybutton piercing I had until I was 5 months pregnant. I feel like there is no way my husband could still find me sexy, even though he tells me that he thinks I’m even sexier now. I guess I should believe him because he hasn’t changed his sexual tendencies (he’s always been really um sexually amped up lol, he has a serious libido,) but I guess I just can’t see what he finds sexy and it’s upsetting to me. I plan to start working out today, starting with just some light yoga and a long walk with the baby (if he’s happy,) and up the intensity in the coming days and weeks. Hopefully i’ll be back here soon with more confidence!

First pic: 36 weeks pregnant
Second pic: 7 days postpartum
Third pic: 7 days postpartum
Fourth pic: My son!
Fifth pic: My husband and son

Turning Trauma into Triumph (Raashida)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Age: 26
Pregnancies/births: 1/1
1 year post partum

I am so glad I found this website! Here is my story: I had a petty easy and uneventful pregnancy. I had few to no pregnancy symptoms. Food craving, a little emotional and hypersensitive sense of smell but that’s about it. I was active duty military when I had my son and towards the end of my pregnancy I had a routine appt with a really rude and nasty, insensitive doctor. I call the commander and told him that I did not feel comfortable having my baby on base and begged and cried (literally) to be referred to an off-base hospital but they did not refer me and when I went into labor and showed up to the hospital that same horrible doctor was on call and it all went downhill from there. He talked down to me and told me basically that I didn’t go to medical school therefore I didn’t know what was going on in my own body. I was talked into getting an epidural and pitocin which put my son in distress and after 23 hours of labor I was rushed in for an emergency c-section (by a different more awesome doctor)

I was horrified and traumatized by the whole event not to mention this is my first baby and for a while I didn’t want anymore children. I filed complaint against that doctor and wrote him several letters letting him know how his terrible bedside manner forever changed my life and my view on doctors in general. For the first few weeks I did not feel connected to my baby because I was so distraught over having to lay on the bed and have him cut out of me when it could have been avoided. I felt very alone and depressed. Eventually I came out of the cloud and now I wouldnt trade my baby for all the stars in the sky :)

I struggle with my post baby body and disfiguring c-section scar and the painful memories that come rushing back every time I look at it. I don’t think I look horrible but I definitely don’t feel sexy anymore. I haven’t really worked out consistently since having my son so I know I could look a lot better with a little effort. (I am in the process of getting a personal trainer) I did bind my belly immediatley after surgery which helped tremendously in weight loss and shrinking my belly back down. I also breast fed.

My struggles with weight obsession, addiction, depression and an unplanned troubled pregnancy (Lauren Elaine)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, due march 21st 2012

It started after the winter of 2009 when I was 18, I had made some very poor choices that year, endured physically abusive relationships. I was very depressed and self loathing. Then I weighed 190, at 5’ 4” I was considered overweight. I was going through a really rough time in my life and I truly hated myself. All through 2010, I turned to food to ease the pain that I felt. I would just eat and eat and kept putting on the pounds like nobody’s business. I thought that if I made myself ugly enough no man would want me, I thought that all men were pigs and I hated them all. I had always been proud that I had no stretch marks on my stomach but that changed in 2010, big ugly red welts sprang up on my love handles and they kept growing. I also began drinking heavily to dull the pain. I slept with my boyfriend for the first time on April 28th, 2010 on his birthday and I was truly quite drunk. Before that we had just been best friends but we had always said “I love you” to each other and I had known he had a crush on me for years but I thought I was too good for him (I feel like such a bitch looking back on this, if I had just dated him 4 years ago I could have saved myself so much pain and heartbreak and abuse). I weighed the most in January of 2011 at 220 pounds, considered obese. I had stretch marks everywhere! On my arms, my sides, by my belly button, the top of my thighs, my inner thighs, the back of my calves. I hated what I saw in the mirror. But I had a strange sense of satisfaction too, that this blanket of fat was my defense mechanism, that I would never be objectified again.

I was with my boyfriend at the time and he said that he loved my body even with all the stretch marks and cottage cheese which really surprised me, I think this is because he had always liked me (even though when we met I was a small 180). I began to come to terms with my self hatred, I realized that I didn’t want to be fat my whole life and who cares if guys looked at me again because I was with one guy and didn’t care what the others thought. I was tired of being fat, I wanted to be thin. In February 2011 I developed an eating disorder; I would work out for two hours a day and eat less than 1400 calories. I would get cranky and upset if I didn’t get to work out. I remember living off protein shakes and one day I didn’t eat at all. I was happy with my boyfriend but I still hated my body, now for the extra fat and the marks. I self medicated with marijuana, living in the moment, trying to forget the past, feeling that constant hunger. I dropped weight and fast. At first I was ecstatic because I had never lost more than ten pounds in my entire life. I worked very hard, spending hours on the elliptical and drinking gallons of water a day. I lost 50 pounds by June 2011 but my goal was an 85 pound weight loss to get back to what I was in 2006. In my obsessed state I even considered a 100 pound weight loss. I loved the compliments about how thin I was looking and how much weight I had lost, I was now 170 pounds. I was so proud to boast a 50 pound weight loss by the end of May 2011. But it was never enough, never enough weight loss, never enough pot to make me truly happy. I was so unhealthy; my hair fell out in clumps. I was starting to get a receding hair line from my starvation. I loved the smallness that I felt but I hated the loose skin and the marks that still remained even though they faded to silvery scars. What I hated most was the bags on my arms, I always envied the arms of skinny girls, how small and shapely they were. I baked in the sun because it made my stretch marks seem less noticeable, I lived in the gym. When I wasn’t at the gym or at work I was getting high with my boyfriend. I still don’t know how I could have worked out and smoke a pack a day.

I had stopped taking my birth control in January because it didn’t work well, I couldn’t stand the side effects. I thought every month that I was pregnant, and honestly I don’t know how it took so long, probably the starvation mixed with all the smoking. Anyways, I found out I was pregnant on July 25th 2011 when I was 7 weeks. That very day I gave up smoking. Cold turkey and I haven’t had a cigarette since! I’m so proud of myself not just for me but for the beautiful baby girl growing inside me. I truly believe that she saved my life! My little angel, I was on such a path of self destruction but she gave me focus and purpose. I stopped starving and I stopped self medicating. For the first time in two years I was sober for an extended period of time. I felt such trepidation about what the future might hold but I also was able to see through the fog of addiction finally and confront the problems of my past. I turned to faith when the bad memories overwhelmed me. I turned to faith when the addiction taunted and gnawed at me. And I was able to overcome! Because I knew that it was not just about me anymore, it was also about the beautiful baby that was growing inside me, she needed me to be the best that I could be.

Although I dealt with some queasiness during the first trimester I only threw up once. But I began to eat like a pig. I justified it with “I’m pregnant; I can eat what I want.” Not true, in the first two trimesters I had gained 25 pounds and I was back up to 195. I was disgusted with myself. I felt like I had done all that work this year for nothing. Luckily, I had room to grow because of all the loose skin so I haven’t had any new stretch marks until recently. I am currently 31 weeks and 205 pounds. I was dismayed at this gain, I had just lost all that weight, to be right where I started and I know I was only supposed to gain 15 to 25 pounds for my entire pregnancy. I just try to eat healthfully and I am counting calories. I do get tempted into self-loathing but I have to realize that I am not fat, I am pregnant. I have to be healthy and eat well for this little baby girl I already love so much. It was not an easy pregnancy. Addiction was the glue to me and my boyfriend’s relationship and now that I’m not high all the time there is a lot more tension. The first hurdle was making sure it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy. The second hurdle was quitting my job because I can’t work as a lifeguard while pregnant. The third hurdle was getting ripped off for a car from a girl that used to be my best friend but now is just a junkie. This was one of the hardest because I went from having two cars to having no cars and being out 1100 dollars. Also, trying to get around with a big belly and no car is really difficult.
At 20 weeks I went in to get an ultrasound to figure out the sex of the baby. The ultrasound technician was unusually quiet and spent a long time looking at my baby. She told me it was a little girl but seemed subdued and left the room abruptly. She came back to tell me that the doctor would have to come take a look. That’s when my boyfriend and I started to get nervous. Just the way she said it put us on edge. The doctor came and looked at my baby too and then told me the bad news. The ultrasound had some abnormal results, my baby had no nasal bone and echogenic or bright bowel which were both soft markers for Down’s syndrome and other chromosomal disorders and she recommended that I have an amniocentesis done to draw some amniotic fluid and check the babies DNA for any abnormalities. After leaving the hospital, I cried and cried. I went there so excited to find out the sex of my baby and to hear that she might not be okay was just the most heartbreaking thing. I am only 20 years old so I thought that something like this wouldn’t happen to me. The hardest thing was that the doctor wanted to rush the amnio in case I wanted to end the pregnancy. That broke my heart, I already felt so much love for that little girl I couldn’t even picture terminating her just because she wasn’t perfect. We went to the genetic counselor a few days later and she told us about the risks, that there was a 1 in a 1000 chance that I would have a miscarriage but that the results of the DNA test were 99.9% accurate and that would give us peace of mind. We had to wait a few hours for the amnio, when we finally went into the room the nurse was very friendly and I’m sure that she had dealt with young scared parents in the past because she put me at ease saying that it would hurt less than getting blood drawn. They sterilized my belly and looked for the baby on the ultrasound to make sure that she was not in the way. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. The doctor stuck a huge 8 inch long needle in my belly, I didn’t look down I kept my eyes trained on the screen where I could see my little ones arms moving dangerously close to that needle. The pain was so intense. I felt my whole uterus contract and reject the foreign object that was threatening my little one. I felt panic, that she wouldn’t be okay. I began to hyperventilate; each vial they filled jarred the needle and caused excruciating pain. I was whimpering and I felt the needle move with each breath. The nurse told me to calm down and breathe deeply. I had my boyfriends hand in a vice grip. I felt really violated and worried, when they took the needle out and turned the ultrasound off I kept staring at the screen wanting to see baby girl some more. I felt the tears coursing down my face, out of nowhere it seemed. I recovered quickly though as I was curious to see the vials that they had filled with my womb juice. I joked with the nurse about the yellowish color and how it was literally baby pee. But when she left the room I had to collect myself, wipe my eyes and just lay there for a second staring at the ceiling, so glad that the horror was over. The healthcare providers had made it seem like a painless procedure but it was really quite invasive and produced weird protective emotions in me. It was the most stressful time in my pregnancy, not knowing if she was going to be healthy or not. When I got a call the next morning, I was still half asleep but when she said that the preliminary results of the amnio were in I was wide awake. She said that the baby had normal DNA and was for sure a girl. I was overjoyed! But also a bit mad, I had been so worried and put so much emotional thought into the idea that she might not be okay, I felt like I had been made to worry for nothing.

In the end, I’m glad that the doctors said something, they were only doing their job, it’s better to be safe than sorry. And I’m glad that I got the amnio done because now I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without having to worry if baby girl will be okay or not. I’m so grateful that she is but nothing could stop me from loving her either way! She is my angel and I’m proud to say that even though she wasn’t planned or expected she saved my life. She gave me purpose, before I was a pot smoking procrastinator and now I’m taking the steps that I need to take with the goal of going to medical school and becoming a doctor. She gave me this direction and this purpose. I can’t wait to meet the sweet little kicker that has been keeping me up at night. Thank you for saving my life, baby!

The before picture was taken in the summer of 2010, alcohol in hand! and the after picture was taken June 2011 at 170 lbs, I was probably days from conception
The second picture is about 18 or 19 weeks, a few weeks before the amnio, around 185 or 190 lbs
The third picture is my belly now, at 30 weeks and 200 lbs

4 Months PP, Breastfeeding, and Struggling with Eating Right (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 9 Comments

I was 19 and in my sophomore year of college 1000 miles away from home when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. My boyfriend was in school 800 miles away, and I had gotten pregnant while we were both home for Christmas Break. I was shocked, scared, etc. We moved back home, lots of struggles, and we’re finally on our feet. Our beautiful baby boy was born on September 9th, 2011. At 10 lbs, 5 oz. he was a C-Section. Not only 10 lbs 5 oz, but 23.25 inches long, my stomach was ruineddd. I was in good shape when I got pregnant. 5’8, and around 180 lbs, but I never worried much about my weight as a number because I never looked as heavy as I was. My stomach was always flat for the most part and I could get abs in no time. I gained about 65 pounds while pregnant.. thanks to my sweet tooth. So I got up to around 250-ish pounds… terrifying number to see on the scale, no matter how much I never worried about the number before. Also, I’m struggling with PPD. My boyfriend tends to ignore it… every time I’ve tried to discuss it with him he shuts down. It’s been hard with no support from him, but I went to the doctor and am now on anti-depressants that I think are helping. My son is my world, he’s PERFECT. But I’m dying to get my body back…. my stretchmarks are un…real…. I’m breastfeeding, so I’m hungry ALL THE TIMEEEE. And no matter how much “good food” I buy, I just grab quick snacks, or even make sugary things because it’s what I’m craving. It’s winter and I’m in the north so working out is difficult… I’m mostly a runner (or I was…) and a gym membership isn’t an option right now due to financial struggles. My boyfriend is super supportive with my body image issues, and tells me I’m beautiful no matter what, but as all women know, that’s never enough to convince YOU. :/ I can live with the stretch marks- I just want that flat tummy back! :(

Pic.1- 4 Month PP Stomach
Pic.2- Side View
Pic.3- Close-Up of Stretch Marks
Pic.4- 39 Weeks Pregnant
Pics. 5 & 6- Pre-Pregnancy Body

3 Years PP, Just Accepting Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Hello ladies! First of all thanks for reading this, and thank god for this site!

I am now 3 yrs pp, and I absolutely have to say time DOES heal! At least for me, and I hope it does for you too. I had a very good pregnancy, I gained a lot of weight but was healthy and so was my baby. On my 9th month I started getting my stretch marks.. At first I thought it was the pants (LOL) since I really couldn’t see under my belly… But sure enough they grew ALL OVER.

After the baby, I weighed around 165 I am now 145 (I’m 5’4) so I still have a couple of pounds to loose but its been a LONG way and it’s not until now that’s I’m starting to accept my body. I was only 18 when I had my son and after I would get so depressed, just looking at my body and seeing everyone else so fit and skinny. I would cry for everything cause I was not happy with myself.. I didn’t even want to have sex anymore cause I thought how can I possibly feel sexy looking like this? Half of the time I was mad at my bf for no reason I would always complain and I never felt confident..

I’ve since got on a diet and started to lose weight and exercise and it’s been the best medicine!! My body is looking better although truth is it’s never gonna look how it did or how I want it too! But I’ve come to realize IT’S OKAY!! my boyfriend loves me and doesn’t mind and it took me a while but now I’m starting to not mind either. As much I hate my stretch marks I am thankful to my body for making such a healthy baby! If that’s what it had to do, stretch so much so he could fit LOL and be healthy than that’s fine.

I think confidence it’s sexy, and like I read in another post… Fake til you make it!! Feel confident in your own skin! Cause honey, When it comes down to intimacy I think the last thing your hubby is gonna be into is your stomach :) lol

I’ve started to use strivectin I thi k it’s the name, i know they sell it at sephora but I bought mines at marshalls for $60 bucks I still have to see if it helps… Tanning also helps I need to do that.

I wish I had a picture of my belly when my stretch marks were still purple but these are of now. (I’ve lost weight and exercised but I know it’s gonna be a long time before I loose my little old wrinkly flab) lol
In the one with the blue undies you can see them better..

Age: 21
Pregnancys/births: 1
Age: 3

Frustration (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 14 Comments

My story is LONG and exhausting, but I like to tell it. I hope that I can be inspiration to other females that find themselves where I was, and where I am now.

Previous to my night of conception, I was a vibrant young 20 year old female. I was nearing the end of my third year in college, I spent a lot of my time at the gym, I was coaching a high school cheering team with my best friend, I was single, and I never expected to get pregnant. In fact I was not sexually active for over a year previous to this and I wasn’t planning on being sexually active. Which explains why I was not on birth control at the time.

I took a trip to Boston with my best friend to visit my cousin and his friends. We went to a small house party with just 5 guys and my best and I. I drank quite a lot of beer and I remember taking a one shot the whole entire night. I don’t remember anything after that shot. When I woke up in the morning I was clothed and alone in a bed. I was still very drunk and felt awful. My best friend was the one who woke me and the first thing she asked was if I had sex the night before. She explained that she heard someone in the room with me and she opened the door and saw one of the guys was naked so she shut the door thinking she was interrupting. I told her there was no way I would do that because I was not using birth control. Just in case though I asked the guys. They all either denied it or said they couldn’t remember anything. My friend was sure it happened though. I kind of let it slide thinking I would be okay. A month later I was two weeks late and took a pregnancy test. I of course was pregnant. I immediately got a hold of my cousin and asked him what he knew. He told me he didn’t know anything about what happened and to ask the other guys. I sent a message to each guy at the party asking if it happened without letting them know I was pregnant. They all again denied everything. I then let them all know I was pregnant and it was for sure from that night. After I admitted my pregnancy, I never again heard from any of them. In fact my own cousin stopped speaking to me. I am pro-life and abortion was completely out of the question. After a very emotional month, I started to look into adoption.

I love my child so much, and I would be a responsible and caring mother, no question. But I wanted my child to have a father, and a permanent home, and stability. I would do the best I could and my father would be a male figure in my child’s life, but I wanted more for him. I chose to have an open adoption. I started a long journey of finding out what I had to do and how I had to do it. I found a family on Adoption.org. After speaking with their adoption agent for a while, I finally arranged to meet them in person. I fell in love with the couple I chose. They are both in their thirties, they are unable to have children, married for 8 years, and the perfect two people to raise my child. We became very close over the following 6 months of my pregnancy.

Our baby was born November 30, 2011 after 16 long hours of labor. I tried to do the birth natural. I went 12 hours pushing before the doctor came in and asked me to please have an epidural. I was so tired that I had been falling asleep in between the contractions, he felt that I would be to exhausted to push. I felt defeated and went through with the epidural. An hour later I had not progressed and the doctor came back to tell me I would have to be induced. Again I felt defeated. It was two hours later that my doctor returned and said something was wrong, the baby was not dropping and I needed to have an emergency c section. I could not stop crying. I felt like a failure as a women. For years women had babies naturally and here I was unable. Thank God for my c section though, the umbilical cord was wrapped three times around my babies neck.

The adoption process was the hardest part. I had 2 weeks of legal custody even though my baby was with his parents during that time. For almost an entire month I saw baby and the parents every day before he finally got to move home. I have never felt heartbreak like I did the day I said goodbye. Thankfully I see pictures of him daily and I will be visiting him in 3 months. I have a lot of emotions still and I feel that emptiness everyday, but I am moving forward in my life.

In picking my life back up, I am trying to get back in the shape. Previous to my pregnancy I was 132 lbs and the day I gave birth I was 170 lbs. I am now 6 weeks and 4 days pp. Due to my c section, I was unable to exercise until this week. Thankfully pumping breast milk helped me loose the majority of my weight, I am now 138 lbs. I have started to exercise again but I feel awful about how I look and how hard it is to work out. I don’t know of any other women who have had a c section outside of older women. I can’t relate with anyone my age and I am feeling hopeless…

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 weeks 4 days PP

Pictures:
The first picture is New Years Eve 2012.
The second is my baby and I two weeks pp.
The third is me 3 months pregnant with my best friend.
The fourth picture is me 38 almost 39 weeks.
The 5th and 6th are me at 36 weeks – pre stretch marks.
The last 3 pictures are me today at 6 weeks pp.

Is She an Angel (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m 22 years old and I’ve had a rough couple of years with love, I started dating this guy and he wasn’t exactly treating me the best, I knew I deserved better but didn’t have the self respect to care. After four months of dating him, we found out we were pregnant, when I told him it was a yes the first the he said was “now your stuck with me forever” not exactly the kind of thing you want to here from your partner when your expecting. I was terrified and didn’t know what to do, I love children and have wanted them my entire life, but the situation I was in was not ideal for me or the baby. We stayed together and I continued to let him treat me with disrespect and not plan for the future with our new baby, but I thought a child needs their mom and their dad, where my parents had split up I didn’t want that for my children. We went on to find out it was a little girl, my moms fourth granddaughter, you can say my nieces who are 4, 6, 8 were all over the moon with excitement for their new addition to the bunch. After about another month of continuous stress from my partner I decided that I needed to be as healthy as I could for her and to cut out all of the stresses and decide to better mine and hers life. I left my boyfriend and found that after the stress was gone I could focus more positive energy on her, we decided to name her Chloe. As soon as I found out she was a girl I knew her name was Chloe, it was just in my mind from the start. I spent the next 4 months painting her room pink, setting up her crib, putting away her clothes and buying her new curtains for her nursery, I swam every week and she loved it I would feel her kick and move, I bought giant headphones for my belly and would play her music, country which is my favourite, or classical because I heard it helps the brain develop. I began to feel this joy for my baby girl as she grew and filled my tummy with love, everything was going so well, my friends threw me a shower as well as my family. There was soo much stuff for Chloe her room was overflowing with things, she was the most anticipated baby ever, so it was getting down to the wire, one week left, 5 days, 4 days. After 3 days of being overdue I felt this weird pressure but after calling the hospital and going through the checklist they said I was fine and not to worry, when I woke up in the morning my whole life changed. I hadn’t felt Chloe move for at least 3 hours and realized this wasn’t like her, I started to get really worried, I went up to the hospital where they asked me to get up on the bed and lay back while they check her heart beat, standard procedure. After about a half an hour of searching the tears were streaming down my face as the nurses told me not to panic they called in an ultrasound tech to come check for her heartbeat, I closed my eyes and prayed to god as they checked…and checked…and checked. Complete silence in the room of 6 doctors and one of my best friends I knew she was gone, as I felt the words coming out of my mouth, and heard the answer from the doctor “im sorry hunny she is gone” After calling my family and friends I got into bed in the room, and for two days I stayed there waiting to deliver her, finally she came, the most beautiful precious girl I have ever seen, she was 9 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long, she was huge and I felt proud that I had nourished her, I felt as though even though she was gone, I did all I could to care for my baby. We baptized her and spent time holding her and kissing her cheeks and saying our goodbyes to our precious Chloe we had all been waiting to met. I felt all of my dreams and hopes and my heart completely breaking into a million pieces, everything I had worked so hard for and changed so much about myself for was just gone. Its been a week and 4 days since she has been gone, it feels like a lifetime, I miss her every single moment, I catch myself feeling my tummy for her, or thinking I cant drink that or I shouldnt eat this its not good for Chloe. My daughter changed my entire life without even being here in front of me, she taught me to love myself, to take care of myself and to know that their is love much greater than any other love alive, and that is the love a parent has for his/her child. mabye God sent Chloe to me to help me get through this point in my life, to give me something to look forward to, to be a good person. Now all I think about is the day I get to see Chloe in heaven and I’ll do everything to make her proud of me, I have a guardian angel watching over me, for the rest of my life. At the funeral a few people had pointed out to me that her photo looked like there was a halo and wings, so was Chloe an angel sent by God to spread love and inspire me and everyone else to never take one breathe for granted, either way my daughter is the most special thing that has ever happened to me, and I will never ever forget her.