Belly

The fat I hate, not the stripes. (Aly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Vulva/Vaginal Damage 8 Comments

22 yrs old.
2 pregnancies, 1 birth.
Five month old daughter, pp.

My story may be everywhere, sorry.

I was pregnant before at 18, but never kept the baby. My personal choices led me to having an abortion. I am willing to share my reasons why, but if asked through email. I’m not ready to publicly announce why nor am I proud for what I have done. I battled depression, and so much more before I got to where I am at today. I just wanted to share that I was pregnant before, and to be honest with my choices.

I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant the second time, same guy. We have been together since we were 16. In April/2011 I found out I was pregnant with my little angel. I cried with joy never thinking I could get pregnant again. After the abortion I had a small fear that I may have ruined my chances of being pregnant again. Beside the point I had a wonderful pregnancy, nothing medically wrong with us. I did gain my warrior marks which I expected. My maternal grandmother, and mother have stretch marks so I knew I would get them. Funny thing is I’m actually okay with these marks. They will fade, and there are creams to help diminish them some. Bad thing, I gained more than the recommend amount of weight yet it never worried my doctors. I weighed 115 pregnancy, and before birth I weighed 167. On December 8, 2011 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter…. My greatest joy in life.

Five months later, I weigh 143-45 lbs. I hate it with a passion. I do, and can’t really sit down to talk to anyone about this. I tell my mother, or express it to my husband…. I do it with light humor to hide my hurt. I look five months pregnant, and try to do the right thing. Exercise, walk, drink water, and I’m also breastfeeding too. I have a wider girth, and haven’t worn jeans since I was 20 wks pregnant. I tried on jeans one time when I was three months pp, most emotional day of my life. I wanted to cry because I couldn’t fit a certain size. It has been pajama bottoms, and sweats for me. Another thing I hate is down there. My daughter turned her head when she was crowning, and ripped the left side of my upper vaginal area. So my clitoris… Or I mean the small lips whatever they are called part of the clit is forever seperated in half on the left side. I hate when my husband touches me there because I know it is ripped so there is another confidence downer for me. I sag, look pregnant, and have a ripped clit.

Never, never have I ever had to wear a girdle. Now I do, and its so depressing. Like wow, really? I wear a girdle to give the illusion that I lost SOME of my belly. Even then it still doesn’t work making me look pregnant still, but holds me in place. I blew up, and I hate it. I battle with the thought of this. I wish I had a tummy tuck I can deal with a scar. I try… I have the privilege of staying at home with my daughter to raise her… She helps me forget everything when she smiles at me. It just takes a toll on me.. everyone tells me I will get skinnier a bit in time. I hear them, but don’t take their words in stride. This hurts me… I struggle with raising my daughter while my husband works, try to care for my house, dog, and husband. At times I fail at all of those things. Where is there time for myself? I recently started exercising a bit more with the husband. I’m motivated to do that because we do it together. I’m trying. We will see, but right now I’m so down on myself it sucks. Makes me want to break down, and cry. I went from being a petite 115 lbs, five foot lady to a wide all around fatness. Yes, I went there. I’m serious too, I’m FAT! Yet I’m content with my stretch marks. I just miss the bikini days… And my confidence. If I don’t have any confidence how can I better myself at everything else? Once in a while I feel apathetic except towards my daughter. I have a real smile every morning when I wake up to see her smiling up at me with her innocent eyes. Maybe someday I will regain back at least a little confidence to push forward with more… For now I’m at a hate relationship with myself….

First picture – Pre-pregnancy,Second: Two days before induction, I was 40 wks., Third: Five months pp front view, Fourth: Side view, Fifth: How it looks when I suck my tummy in. It’s so sad… but I want to share because I can be me without wondering what someone else may say… and I don’t have to use humor.

Struggling With My Body Image (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

I was 125 lbs.at 5’9″ pre pregnancy. I am 29 and this is my first child delivered via c-section. I was extremely sick for the first five months of pregnancy. After that i rapidly gained weight. I had severe edema and my doctor wanted me to take off work the last four weeks but with my husband out of a job i had to suck it up and work. I went into labor two weeks early and weighed a whoping 188! My daughter was breach so i forced to do a c-section. I thuoght with the swelling and birth i would easily lose half this weight gain. Not the case. So i breastfed until i returned to work so about four months. My daughter is now almost a year old and i look five months pregnant. I am a hairstylist so i deal with people all day, i have been asked when am i due. I always have a brave face when asked and i say oh im not my daughter isnt even a year old yet. But behind closed doors i cry my eyes out. I weigh 160 now and i am ok with the weight. I was underweight prior to having my daughter. I just dont want this belly anymore. I work out as much as i can and eat as healthy as i can but it doesnt seem to help. I am thankful i got very little stretch marks and now they are pretty much gone. But i sm not happy with myself. Especially when everyone i knew that was pregnant at the same time all look like they dont have kids. Reading some of these articles has help me feel like i am not the only one and i hope this helps others feel they are not alone. I am thankful that my husband has helped me feel beautiful and says that i look great. But ultimately if i could tone my abs a little more maybe i would feel complete.

Number of pregnancies: 1 and 1 birth.
Age of child: 10 1/2 months
C-section delivery.
Age: 29

(Morgan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

Age: (current) 20 (At time of delivery) 19
3 pregnancies, 1 (natural) birth (2 miscarriages during their first trimesters)

My daughter, Lauren, is 1 1/2 currently. When she was born she was 9 lbs. 3 oz. 22.75 in.

Pre-pregnancy weight: 150 on a bad day
Post-pregnancy weight to date: 198 on a bad day

1st picture: Pre-pregnancy
2nd picture: 7 months prego
3rd picture: 8 months prego
The rest are 1 1\2 years pp

I gained 54 pounds during pregnancy.. I caved in to almost all of my cravings and didn’t care how I ate because everyone told me I was so young and thin that my body would snap back. So I ate with confidence in the fact that I’d lose all the weight. I also played volleyball, basketball, and soccer to have my physique. Sports ended when I got pregnant and I had nothing active to jump back into. My husband also gained about 30 pounds during pregnancy and still has yet to lose weight as well. We love each other despite our body changes and he is always reminding me of my beauty and that my body is a sexy baby maker.

I run a group on Facebook called, The Mommy Network and it has fulfilled me in certain ways as a mom, but this is my first step to self-esteem recovery. I hope I can make someone feel better about themselves by posting this and in that, I feel better about myself.

Discomfort is an Understatement (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

~Age:22, Pregnancies: 1 (this is my first)

I’m not sure I’ve ever totally been comfortable with my body. I’m 5’1″, and am nearing 195lbs right now. I’m also 37 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy. Before I got pregnant, I wasn’t the thinnest of girls, weighing in at around 145lbs. This is still heavier than I would have liked. I grew up as a very thin girl, and I was generally around 105lbs at most all through high school, but even then I was uncomfortable with my skin. It started with the stretchmarks on my breasts when I was 13. I’m extremely fair skinned, so when they showed up, (and even now..) they were very dark red/purple. Then it was the constant comments from my own mother about how I was “too pale” and needed to “get out in the sun more.” I also had the unfortunate nickname of “shark bait” for a while because my mother felt my thighs were unnaturally pale.

After high school I began to gain a little weight. A couple pounds here, a few there.. I still managed to stay under 120 for a while. My mother, who had been overweight for most of my childhood life, had lost almost 80lbs by this point, and dropped another 25 or so after her hysterectomy a while later. This new weight loss caused a lot of teasing coming my way. It was always meant as teasing, and I knew that, but you can’t help but to take it a little personally when your own mother tells you that you need to “drop that gut” at least once a week. This just started an endless cycle, which resulted in my gaining more weight.

I struggled to keep myself at 130-135lb, and lost that battle. Weighing around 150lbs at the age of 21, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t have been happier. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. It was sudden and unexpected, but my boyfriend and I are happy about this. At least, I was happy until the weight gain started. Every time I step on that scale at my OB’s office, I just want to cringe and run out of the office. And the bigger I got, the harder it’s been for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I use lotion 1-2 times a day on my tummy, my legs, my breasts, my hips.. And, as you can see, I still developed deep, dark stretchmarks. Even when I was thin, I never judged someone based on their weight. I decided how I felt after I knew more about them as a person, but I feel like hiding away and never going into public ever again. I always feel like someone, anyone who sees me, is judging my size, despite the fact that I’m pregnant. When people take pictures of me, I can’t even stand to look at them. I even have mini meltdowns every single time I take a shower because I have to look at this strange, swollen form of what used to be my body. I’m at a point where I would be happy without a mirror in the entire house. I know weight gain during pregnancy is normal. As are stretchmarks. Somewhere along the way, I guess I started to feel that I’m alone in my struggle.

I know my body will never be the same after having children. It’s just a fact of life, and one I’ve gratefully accepted since my body being a little different is a small price for a beautiful, healthy child. I just wish I knew where to start in terms of accepting my body as it is right now. Discomfort is an understatement for me. I loathe seeing my own body in the mirror. And sometimes I’m afraid that feeling will never go away.

Everyone Tells Me I Look Fine… NOT (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 10 Comments

Age:23
Pregnancies/Births: 1 pregnancy 1 birth
Childs Age: 14 months

Ok so I was 196lbs in March of 2010. I went on weight watchers and got down to 160lbs. June 8th,2010 I stopped weight watchers and my doctor said I had gotten pregnant that first week of June. So long story short, nine months later, at 6:15 pm I delivered my first born. I delivered at 196. How ironic! Anywho, I am now 160 lbs again but I dont feel the same. My husband says that I look great. I dont think so.

I began purging around 17. Stopped for a couple years and then picked up around 6 months PP to try to drop a few extra pounds. I just cant get there. So its off and on now.

Before my son, I had a navel piercing. After I gave birth it stretched out and now looks kind of funny. My breasts sag and I really dont like that. As far as stretchmarks, I got a few more than I already had on my sides, and my stomach ones are centralized around my navel. So although I didnt make out too bad, Im still not 100% comfortable in my “new” skin. Everyone tells me that “I’m a tiger (a mother) that has earned her stripes”. Its an empowering quote but then I look in the mirror. I want to lose 10-15 more pounds.

I would ultimately like to have another kid but when I look in the mirror I am not sure. I am afraid of the effects it will have on my body. Hubby says he loved me at 196, and loves me at 160. But I dont love myself enough yet. I feel like sometimes I am all over the place with my emotions. Just hope I can get a grip. Im tired of everyone telling me that I am trying to get to small. I know where I want to be, and if I cant get there then I will never be happy. The pics are at 39 weeks and now.

Ashamed and Unsatisfied (Kristen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

age 20, one pregnancy, one birth, little girl, 7 months postpartum

I carried a 100% healthy little girl a little over seven months ago. She was born 1 day after her due date, September 15, 2011. She weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces. I have never been the skinniest girl, nor will I ever be. I’m the average size 14 girl, until I got pregnant. I am 20 years old, a stay at home mom, a military wife, I have all that I could ever want, and feel ashamed that I could not like my body as much as I do. I have always tried to be active and eat healthy, but no matter how hard I have tried, it’s hard for me to lose the baby weight, the bigger thighs and the ‘love handles’. Every day, as I slip my clothes on, I wonder, “why can’t this just go away?” Then, as I walk down the hallway to grab my daughter from her crib, I remember why I look this way. I carried a beautiful little girl. This girl completes me in ways that I never thought could be. If I have anything to still learn, is to love my body. There are days where I could just cry and wear sweat pants all day, and there are those days that I think to myself, bring on the world. It is a battle, and I am proud to wear my battle scars all over my belly.

Pictures as followed
#1. 40 weeks pregnant
#2 40 weeks pregnant
#3 Zoe Jayne the day she was born
#4 Zoe at current age (7 months)
#5 7 months postpartum body

Mom of 3 (Amanda W)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Children with Health Complications, Diastasis Recti, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

I am a Mom of three wonderful children. 2 girls and a boy. i was 20 years old when i conceived my first, and she was born weighing in at 9lbs, 20.5 inches. i grew several cup sizes, and gained about 40 pounds, which i havent lost yet. shes 10 now. my middle child is 4, she was 7lbs 14 oz, born at 38 weeks, and a ball of fire. my little boy is now 10weeks, and was 10lbs 4 oz 21 inches at birth. he was born with an imperforate anus (his rectum and anus didnt connect) his was a mild case, and he is mending well, although he scared the crap out of us (pun intended LOL) when he was born. my last 2 were c-sections, my first was a vaginal delivery.

i am 31
3 pregnancies
10 weeks postpartum of number 3, 10yr old, 4 yr old

Mommy of 4 Boys (Carollee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Endometriosis, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Hi, My name is Carollee and I’m from Cleveland, OH. I was 19, 5’4′ and weighed about 130lbs when I got pregnant with my oldest son, Anthony. I gained the least amount of weight with him (about 50lbs) and delivered a happy healthy boy in Jan 2001. I had a typical what you read about delivery. 12 hour labor, Epidural at 4cm, but I only pushed once! He weighed 7lbs 2 oz and was 21 inches long. Complete Perfection!

A year later I was down to 115lbs. After suffering through a Miscarriage in Jan 2002, I got pregnant with my 2nd son in March. I carried differently, but I got huge and delivered him in Dec 2002 at 41 weeks weighing in at 190lbs. He was my biggest baby. He weighed 8lbs. My labor was a total of 3 hours from the first time I had a contraction until he was here. I did not have time for an Epidural but they did give me nerve block to help with the pain, which it did not! That was the hardest labor for me and I almost didn’t want more kids after him because of it. The nurses came sneaking into my room the next morning. I guess I turned into a devil women and was very nasty to everyone in my room. They were happy to see I was really a nice person, lol!

During the next year I had some problems with my girlie parts. I was diagnosed with a condition called Adenomyosis. It’s similar to Endometriosis, but slightly different. I was told if I planned on more kids I needed to do it now because I would most likely need a full Hysterectomy within the next few years. We decided to go ahead and have one more. I had lost a ton of weight after I had my 2nd son and when I finally got pregnant with my 3rd son in Nov/2005 I only weighed 103lbs. When I delivered him in July I was topping the scales at almost 200lbs. I was all belly!!! I am surprised I did not topple over I was so big!! I had another very fast delivery with him. It was 4 hours from my first contraction and I didn’t have to push at all. I was able to get an epidural so my labor with him was painless and I was not the evil devil women I was before!! He was a healthy 8lb 2 oz bundle of joy.

I only stayed non pregnant for 9 months. A family vacation to Niagara Falls sent us home with an extra surprise. I was 125lbs when I got pregnant with my last little guy. I gained a ton of weight again and delivered him on January 9th weighing in at 199lbs. I had to be induced because I was 41 weeks and because of how fast my deliveries went. When they induced me they gave me an epidural right after. They had checked me after the epidural and I was 3 cm. The nurse walked around my bed to put my info in my chart and I told her I could feel him crowning. She said it was impossible. My water broke and she reached over and his head was right there! I was still in a Triage room. there was no heating bed, Doctor, anything. She called the nurses station while holding his head inside me with 2 fingers. My Dr was just getting there. She ran around the bed just in time to see Killian plop onto the bed! I had not been in the hospital for 2 hours total and he was here. He weighed 7lbs 8oz and was another perfect little boy.

My body has been on a roller coaster of weights. My stomach has been stretched out, my chest has been everywhere from a “C” cup pre-pregnancy to a “DD” after birth to settle down to completely deflated “A” cups. I always had a problem nursing because my chest would literally just deflate and I would have very little milk production. I have stretch marks, but they are proof that I carried these 4 boys inside me. They remind me of the little kicks, back flips, and jabs to the ribs.

Pictures:
1~ Me Pre Kids
2~ 7 Months prego with my oldest
3~My Oldest, Anthony
4~ 5 months prego with my 2nd
5~ My 2nd Boy, Garrett
6~ After my 2nd
7~ 39 weeks prego with my 3rd
8~ My 3rd baby boy, Dalton
9~ 38 weeks prego with my 4th
10~ My baby boy, Killian
11~ My Boys, Worth every every Stretch mark :)
12~ Me Today 4-24-2012

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 5 Pregnancies; 4 Births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: My boys are 11, 9, 5 & 4

I closed my kanga in the oven door (Britne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Age-26
1 pregnancy, 1 birth, Zoey, age 16 months.
Photos: 1- 15 weeks pregnant, 2. 40 weeks pregnant, 3. Kanga!! (16 months after birth)

After being told I would never have a child (due to PCOS) I did the impossible; I conceived naturally and quite by surprise. Now, my bright and beautiful 16-month-old daughter lives up to her name, Zoey, meaning life. I have never, EVER, been so entertained since having a child. Of course, having a child brought on the all the “joys” of a life-changing event. Including, but not limited to the pregnancy acne, hair growth, mood swings, pain of a c-section, and of course the beloved kangaroo sack of hanging skin that seems to drape ever-so-gracefully over my crooked c-section scar.

A few days ago, I was cooking dinner. Which I happen to do quite frequently since my husband likes to eat, and I mean EAT. Well, this particular night, my daughter was doing the whole hangy/pully off the clothes thing on my leg and I gently pushed her over a bit. Well she got mad and grabbed the bar that runs across the oven door and pulled the oven open. Well, me being me, I just pushed her back and went to close the oven door while turning off a burner at the same time. Lo and behold, my dang kanga belly got pinched when I leaned up and over to the burner controls, and I mean a good gob of flesh that was pinched, while shutting the door. I nervously yanked my Kanga out of the oven and quickly looked to see if my hubby had saw what had happened. Thankfully, he was too engrossed with his NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Ive come to terms with bad-ole-Kanga, learning what underwear “holds” Kanga in, and let me tell you it is not any Victoria’s Secret thongs anymore. In fact, my hubby was folding clothes and held up a pair of full-butt panties and exclaimed “wow, hun, are these yours?” I said “Of course not, they are Megs.” Meg is a friend of mine that visits and who leaves clothes at my home since she lives a bit away. The coolest part of Kanga (lol), is when my daughter finds rolls of lipstick or markers that she should not have and brings them to “show” me and I quickly hide them underneath Kanga/in the fold of my leg because she has figured out the whole behind-the-back thing.

On another note, my daughter is obsessed with bellybuttons, and frequently pulls up her shirt in stores to show people her bellybutton much to my mortification and then wants you to pull your shirt up and show her your bellybutton. Well, of course I play this game at home, but the sad part is with all the extra skin from Kanga, my daughters little finger just kept going and going into the space where my bellybutton is. For some reason, pregnancy has made my bellybutton hole deeper, or maybe its just the extra skin folding into itself. So instead, we play “find Daddy’s bellybutton and Mommy’s ear.” My husband is naturally thin, although Zoey will not touch his tummy for some reason (although his tummy is a bit hairy, so think it is rather scary to her.) Not only does she want to look at your bellybutton, but she also wants to blow on your tummy and make the gassy noise. I’m all game for that, but when she did this to the inside of my leg I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Its bad enough that my daughter thought my leg was my stomach.

For sums, I wouldn’t trade being a Mommy for anything. I look at my ultra-thin/sexy/successful neighbor and sometimes I am jealous. Jealous of her freedom, good looks, ability to get more sleep than I do, and probably most of all for being a little selfish and putting herself first. We throw ourselves away when we become a Mommy, I am just learning how to dig myself out of the dumpster and recycle myself. Ive lost about 15 pounds now, and I am exercising daily. I no longer look at Kanga and feel disgust, I look and I see LIFE, my ZOEY.

Mother of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

Age 21; Pregnancies 1; Births 1. I had to have my son by c-section after 16 1/2 hours of labor and never dialating past 1 cm. I was 18 when I become pregnant with my son and 19 when I had him. He is about a year and a half now and he is my everything. My pregnancy was a fairly normal, smooth sailing one. Besides going over my due date by 4 days and being induced. I was 120 pounds and in VERY good shape when I become pregnant, I didn’t recieve stretch marks until about 37 weeks and the were on the bottom of my stomach and on my sides. After having my son all those stretch marks came up and were everywhere! I have them on my inner thighs, butt, breasts and of course my stomach. I was very ashamed about my body for a long time, I didn’t even want my fiance to see me with clothes off. But one day he just sat me down and told me that there was no reason to hide, he loved me for me and my stretch marks didn’t bother him. This summer I have decided to wear a bikini again, I am very nervous but I am not ashamed anymore. I wish I could go back to my pre-pregnancy body but I have this one b/c of my amazing little boy and I wouldn’t trade that for anything! The picture is my stomach now.