Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Trying to get my self confidance back (Mindy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 14 Comments

My son will be 20 months on the 1st of June and 3 days later on the 4th I will turn 22. I love my son more than anything but really wish I didn’t have the body that I have.
I got married when I was 18 to my boyfriend who was in the navy. I got pregnant when I was 19. I didn’t like being pregnant I felt very useless and my husband at the time sure helped me feel that way. He became verbally abusive and mildly physically abusive I wanted to leave but didn’t know how to. I gained about 20lbs by the time I was 40 weeks which I was okay with. I had no stretch marks until I was 33 weeks and they came on like a freight train when he turned upside down. My son was born October 1st, 2007 at 41 weeks and 3 days. I had to be induced but had a natural birth otherwise labored for only 12 hours. Things got better with my husband after the birth and we seemed to be a great little family. Then when my son was 3 months old his dad decided he really could deal very well with “the kid” as he called him and was gone a lot drinking and partying with friends. He’d come home and we’d get into fights. I was so scared for my life so many times I didn’t know how to leave. I was in California and all my family was in Montana. A guy who was friend with both of us had confessed to me that my husband had been cheating on me for almost a year which I had suspected and that he couldn’t keep the secret from me anymore because he thought I deserved so much better because I was beautiful on the inside and outside. I finally got enough self confidence to leave my husband. We have been going through a divorce for a year in a half now. He doesn’t ever call or email to see how our son is doing but keeps fighting for custody through his lawyer. I am willing to let him see his son but he has to take some steps to do that because they don’t even know one another. I feel awful about my body since now I’m pretty much a single mom. My stomach sags and it’s gross I work out all the time but I think the stress makes the belly hang around. I hope that I’ll be able to get rid of it someday because no guy is gonna want to date someone with a stomach like mine at least that is how I feel. I really wish there was a wonder cure for post prego tummy’s lol. I’m thinking that I will just have to eventually embrace my momma body and just pray that some guy will love it to. I really like this web site it’s very comforting to know that there are so many other women feeling the way I am. Thank you all for taking the time to read my story.

PIC 1- my belly almost 20 months postpartum

PIC 2- my wonderful little boy

6 Months After First Child (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 26 Comments

Title: 6 months after first child
Name: Amanda 21 years old, 1 pregnancy
Story: I got pregnant at 2 years old and gave birth shortly after turning 21. Its been 6 months since I gave birth to my 9lb son naturally, in water. I’m still striving to make peace with my body. I know I should be happy with myself, i created a very handsome baby boy! I am a single mom and dating is hard, I am afraid I will be turned down because of my shape.I have had a cracked nipple ever since I started breastfeeding. It heals and then my son damages it again, its frustrating.
Child’s age/PP: 6 months

A Lost Son, A Blessed Son, A Missed Son (Andrea)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I got married in July the 19th [On my 22th birthday] 2000, to my husband Patrik. In January next year I found out I was pregnant, with twin boys, the whole pregnancy went well and October the 12th Anton and Isac were born. I found it realy great being a mom and I loved it. Just before the boys were about to turn two I found out that I was expecting triplets, I was quite chocked but happy of course. And a few days after my husbands birthday the triplets were born natrually, two girls an one boy, in the 22th of April. Hannah, Jocelyn and Zack was they named to. When the triplets had turned two we had settled in in a new home and everything. Just an ordinary day I took Zack with me to go shopping, but on the way there some truck smashed the side of the car were Zack was sitting. I woke up on the hospital were I worked and was told that my son did´nt make it, he had internal dameges and died after a few hours. It took my breath out of me, how could that be possible, we was just going to the mall and now he was dead. I accused myself badly and almost get depressed, I thought things like ”Why could´nt I save him, and me who is supposed to be a doctor. Why should I survive when he did´nt”. It almost got so far that I almost tried to take my own life, but then I thought that I got four other kids who need me and I can´t just not leave them. I started to slowly recover, both my mind and my body. I had broken an arm, a leg, three ribs and one hip, it took me about six month to recover. The way back to the ordinary life was hard, it seamed like they knew something had happend and they cried almost 24/7. The girls had lost their triplet and were now just twins. I tried to be strong for their sake and in front of them I did´nt crie but when they all slept I took it out on my husband, who had to be strong to keep something together. It went to the better, I was´nt that sad all the time, and enjoyed my other kids progress. But I felt guilty for not showing that I missed him but I understnad later on that he wanted us to enjoy life even if he could´nt be there and share it with us, even if he just was two years old. A few months after our loss I found out I was pregnant again and it came as a chock when I found out that it was multiples, as much as five. I did´nt want five more kids, but I had not the heart to kill them an they were born 27th June. Two girls and three boys. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper. I was able to enjoy life again even if the sorrow was clambing by my heart. I even wrote a story decated to Zack. You will always be there with us in our hearts… [Sorry for my bad english]

Current age: 31 this year
Pregnancies and births: Three, ten children born
Age of children: Anton and Isac 8 years in October. Hannah and Jocelyn [Zack] 6 years. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper 3 years in June.

9 Years Ago (Elle)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

9 years ago I was 18 years old. I had just finished high school and was happy. My plan never included children. I met him on a warm night in August. I became pregnant a few weeks later. I lost my child at 22 weeks gestation. It was depressing and sad. I was a mess. I thought then that I wanted another child. I conceived my daughter on my 19th birthday. I was 170lbs. I gained 23lbs while I was pregnant and gave birth at 193lbs. I breastfed a short time before I was forced to go back to work. That is when I started gaining weight. I was 270lbs 2 years ago. I looked awful. I felt awful. The stretch marks, the saggy boobs, the flabby belly, I was disgusted with myself. I worked little by little in small ways to change the way I looked. I exercised a little more, ate a little better, went out of my way to walk an extra few feet everywhere I went. Today, I am 217lbs. I am still very much overweight, but I am so much healthier and happier than I was this time last year. I took some photos of myself just to see the difference in front of me. I don’t keep mirrors in the house that reflect below the waist. I am so surprised that I am a large sexy woman. I have a beautiful child that I woudn’t trade for the world and I thought she ruined me. I thought she turned me into a stagnant blob. Thank goodness I was wrong! I couldn’t be more pleased and this just makes me want to try that much harder to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I am a few weeks shy of 27 years old
I have had 2 pregnancies and 1 birth
I am 7 years postpartum
plus sized mom

A Story of “Pregorexia”

Bonnie (SOAM) Eating Disorder, Link, My Own Ramblings 4 Comments

A big thanks to Kate who sent me this link this morning which led me to this article about a mom’s personal experience starving herself during her pregnancy. I have long thought that the focus on weight gain during pregnancy is too strong and even misguided. It is a good and important medical tool to use, but most of us do not use it that way – instead it is twisted into some kind of moral social structure in which those of us who gain the “right” amount “win” and those who gain outside that are forced into self-hatred.

The article mentions that more often anorexia is about control – and how truly out of control are we while pregnant? It’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once. From changes on the surface like stretch marks to changes deeply inside our souls as we realize just how vulnerable motherhood makes us – we are out of control in many ways.

So, take a look at this woman’s story and pictures. And pass it on. And I believe we can help someone out there.

5 Weeks PP 2nd Baby (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 18 Comments

Original entry here.

i had liam april 10 via cesarean at 11:53, 7 lbs 15 oz, 19 in. he is very healthy, although i am still so scared to lose him. it has been a very emotional month…the 1 year anniversary since connor passed was may 1st. i miss him so much, he would have loved his little brother! i know he is in heaven watching over us and making his baby brother smile! liam is amazing and i love him just as i love connor. i will be posting my body at another time…but that is not what matters right now, it gave me the 2 greatest boys ever!

pics:
connor
me the night before i had liam
liam at birth
liams 2nd walk and my connor shirt
liam and mommy 1 month pp

Updated here, here, here and here.

From Hot to Not (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 33 Comments

I’m a 20 year old single mother to a beautiful baby boy and I HATE my new body. Before I got pregnant I was 5’8 138lbs and wore a size 4. I gained 55lbs while I was pregnant and I did nothing but sit and eat. All I did was eat and I regret more then anything. My doctor knew I was going to have a large baby so I was induced 2 days before my due date. I was in labor for 30 hours when finally a nurse felt my stomach and realized my son was sunny side up. I was then prepped for a C-section. My son was born March 3, 2009 weighing in at 9lbs 8oz and 21.5 inches.

The first time I look in the mirror and saw my new body was 2 days after the c-section. I was getting in the shower and got a glance of myself in the mirror. WHAT? Is that me? I was so disgusted with the was I looked.. Every time I took a step I felt my fat jiggle. I cried the whole time in the shower looking at my legs and my stomach. My stomach was covered in stretch marks up to my belly button, despite my effort to religiously moisturize it. My once tight and firm tummy looked like a road map was on it.

11 weeks PP now. I’m weighing in at 150. I’m of course happy that I’m loosing weight quickly, but the stretchmarks still remain.. And that’s what hurts the most. I feel ugly and unattractive still. I live in walking distance to the beach and I used to just put on my little bikini and walk to the beach and I’m incredibly depressed I can’t wear a bikini anymore. I had a great figure before I got pregnant and now I just look gross. I’m so insecure with the way I look. I feel I will never feel good about my body again. My breast were once a small B are now a full C small D. I’m breastfeeding and I can already tell my breast will not be the same once I’m finished breastfeeding.

I love my son more then anything and I would rather look the way I do now then not have him but I’d definitely looking into treatments to reduce the appearance of my stretchmarks.

The first 3 photos are me pre-pregnancy and the last 3 are of my stomach (currently 11 weeks PP)

Updated here.

9 Weeks Postpartum (Kara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 12 Comments

I had my son on my 19th birthday, and it wasn’t planned.
My blood pressure dropped severely low after I got the epidural. I’m not sure
if this caused by son’s heart rate to drop, too. Because of this, I had to have an
emergency c-section. The cord was wrapped around his neck, head, and chest. Thank
God for modern medicine! His name is Gabriel.

Age: 19
# of pregnancies & births: 1
9 weeks postpartum

23 Year Old Mother of One – A Year Later (Jennifer)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

I got pregnant with my son when I was 22 years old around Christmas time. My husband had just returned from Iraq and we planned to try for a child. A month later, we were pregnant! We found out it was a boy and from there were so excited to be parents. I was 109 lbs then with a 5’3 body frame and have been stick then my whole life. My family is use to having big babies and never thought I would have one. Once I pushed my son out, my stomach sunk in like I’ve never seen before. HE WAS BEAUTIFUL! (he still is) and I couldn’t stop telling him how gorgeous he was! Then they weighed him. Coming out at 9lbs 4 oz and 20 1/2 inches long! It was the most amazing thing, I felt incredibly connected to him! (The next month my sister had a baby the same size!!!) Afterwards, I noticed my belly button had loose skin.Afterwards we went through another deployment and I barely ever worked out nor did I want too. And I still havent (he is now home, again!). I am very comfortable in my skin now. I have come to terms with the loose skin and stretch marks. He came out healthy and is an incredibly sweet little boy, so I know how blessed I am. I went back to being tiny again, just had that little extra. My husband still finds me incredibly sexy and that is all that matters. As a matter of fact, I think I look great! I love my boobs (which seemed to have kept its shape). Anyway, I wanted to share my pictures!!!!

+Number of pregnancies: 1
+Number of births: 1
+Age of my son: 19 months

Pictures I included:
+A picture of me 9 months pregnant
+A picture of me and my son (now)
+Picture of belly now

Still Trying to Accept my “Shape” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

I am 25 years old. I had my second baby 8.5 months ago. I look at my body and think “wow i don’t look as BAD as i thought i would after my second but I look nothing like I did 5 years ago haha.” Then again, I haven’t stopped breastfeeding yet…So, I don’t know what my breasts will look like. Sometimes it makes me sad to think about what they might look like but I know I am doing the best for my baby. I do have a hard time looking at myself in photos because I think I look so much bigger than I have ever. Maybe time will make it a little better but I dont know. I honestly feel exhausted and have not started working out so not loosing weight is my own fault. I get really hungry also because I am breastfeeding and the extra weight will not come off!! Well here are my photos, not sucking in or anything – gut out and everything! I think I still look 5 months pregnant and I have back rolls! I guess that’s the shape of a mother :)

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 years old & 8.5 months baby

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