Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

16 Months Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 13 Comments

16 Months Update

Age: 27
Number of pregnancies: 1
Number of children: 1, 16 months old

See my first post, from 4 weeks pp, here. And my second post, from 8 months pp, here.

And now here we are, 16 months pp. Whoa. Where did that time go? I had a tiny newborn and now I’ve got a toddler! He’s a force to be reckoned with, too, but in the past 16 months I have seen myself swept up in his magic and find myself happier and healthier than I have been… well, ever.

I became pregnant in August of 07 and weighed around 175-180lbs. I gained at least 30lbs while pregnant – I stopped counting when I hit 200lbs. Today I fluctuate between 132 and 134lbs and my final goal is to maintain at 128lbs (but believe me, it’s challenging. I still haven’t broken 130.) I haven’t weighed this since I was about 19 – almost 9 years ago. It’s pretty cool.

Now I am living a life that I never thought I could achieve. I’m a stay at home mom hanging out with a very cool dude every day. I find I am gaining more confidence in myself and realizing that, seriously, stretch marks are so not a big deal. I’ve got tons of them all over my thighs, but seriously, life has SO much more going on that I forget they’re even there. I still don’t like my oogly belly, but oh well. I suddenly like salads and this year I learned to garden. All the things that seemed intimidating and scary and “too hard” for me are just… not. I can do it. I can do anything I want.

Seeing your child grow up puts a lot of things into perspective. I want to be around and healthy and set a good example for my son. A positive attitude, healthy habits, and appreciation of small things are the lessons my son has taught me – now I just hope I can return the favor to him.

Having a child was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m so much happier, healthier and complete than I was before him. I hope someday I can tell him how much he has changed me for the better!

PS: When my son turned one I had a medically recommended bilateral breast reduction mammaplasty surgery. I’m not going to tell you or anyone else they should or should not have breast reduction surgery. I was referred for the surgery before I became pregnant and it took me 2 years to get in to actually see the surgeon for a consult. You can see the scars in these photos. It was the right move for me, and I’m very happy with the results.

A body marked indelibly with love (Laurie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 12 Comments

I had my first child at 21 years of age. I was previously a teenager who had the constant belief that I was fat, and obsessed over my body daily. As my body grew with pregnancy (and fluid retention!) I became very despondent about my shape, worrying that I would be ‘fat’ and forever unattractive. I also came to the realisation that my pre-baby body was actually very thin and lovely. I had never had the confidence to wear a bikini before, and when pregnant, realised I could have worn one easily! So I mourned for the youthful body I didn’t appreciate, but in the back of my mind, I was sure that I would have that body back after the pregnancy. Don’t the magazines say that you do if you eat right an exercise?

Then, I got stretch marks right the way across my belly, from side to side, and an abdominal muscle separation that caused my belly button and the area surrounding it to have a caved-in appearance (post baby). After my daughter was born, I couldn’t undress in front of my husband anymore, with shame.
Then, (after I had gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight at around 1 year post-partum), I was disturbed by the amount of comments I gained from women who had never had children about my body. How I looked good ‘for someone who’d had a baby’, or how flat my tummy was (they didn’t see the boob-high support underwear I was wearing under my clothes!) etc, and I began to feel indignant about the pressure I then felt to suck my tummy in all the time, because I knew women were looking. Then I felt bad that I was perpetuating the image that women should appear ‘untouched’ by their pregnancy, and I wished for the confidence to ditch the support undies and feel comfortable in my saggy skin. I became indignant about the unrealistic image of what a woman ‘should’ be, post-baby. I have now become proud of my stretch marks, and can truthfully say that I love my body so much more now than I ever did when it was more youthful. :)

My age: 23
Number of pregnancies and births: 1, 1

The pics!
14 weeks
40 weeks
demonstrating the stretch marks and squish-a-bility, 9 months later!

2.5 Months PP, Second Cesarean in 2.5 Years (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

age:22
Pregnancies:2 pregnancies and 2 births

I wrote that I would eventually post some pictures of my PP body, so I am! I am now 3 months PP…the pictures are 2.5 months PP though! The part where my stomach hangs from my cesarean really bugs me…but it has gotten better! Liam is doing great, laughing, smiling, doing good on his tummy, breastfeeding like a champ. I see so much of Connor in him! I read him a book my Mom made me for him called “My Big Brother, My Guardian Angel”, and he loves it. I have made 2 very amazing boys, and I love them both so much!!

Pictures:
6 months pregnant with Connor
About 8 months PP with Connor
9 months pregnant with Liam
The rest are me 2.5 months PP after both boys

Updated here, here and here.

I Finally Love Myself (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

I got pregnant the summer before my senior year of high school. I walked the halls with a huge belly got stares from students and teachers. When I went to the outside world people poked and prodded. Why complete strangers think they have the right to know how old I am I have no idea.
I married my sons father… but once the ring went on my finger… I was his property. I suffered in an abusive marriage for 2 years before I gained enough self esteem to get out. He would tell me that I was fat and no one else would love me and that I could never survive without him. Also, that if I did leave him… he would make my life hell. Which he has done a great job at!
I’ve picked up the pieces I’m a junior in college. I am losing weight and trying so hard to find myself.

I loved being pregnant… the hormones made me feel happy for once in my life. If I didn’t have to deal with rude people all day I would have enjoyed it even more. I gained 40 pounds… lost 30 then gained 10 back… so I still have 20 pounds to go.

I can’t wait to find the right guy who will accept my stretch marks and mommy boobies and my son! I want to have more children… but I am waiting until I’m finished with college!

Age:20
Number of pregnancies and births: one
Postpartum: 27 months

Self Love is the Most Important Love of All (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

I just came across this website and I think it is the most beautiful, helpful website that a mother could possibly visit. It is hard these days to be happy with our bodies. The media hype and hollywood has portrayed a very distorted image of what motherhood does to ones body. It has taken me several years to finally just be happy to be me. I had several boughts of pinching the fat on my stomach and crying while studying my stretch-marks. I must say the my breasts are still something that I am self concious about and I would change if I had a magic wand- although, breastfeeding has helped me find the beauty in my lopsided lady lumps…. It saddens me to know that all over the world are mothers who hate their bodies and look at them with disgust. We are magical, we are beautiful, we are all one of a kind. Love yourself!

Age: 27
Pregnancies: 4 Pregnancies, 3 Births
Children ages: 8 years,3 years,6 months
All pictures are 6 month pp after last pregnancy.

17 Weeks Later (Soph)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions 7 Comments

My name is Soph and 17 weeks ago, just before I turned 24, I delivered my first child – a lovely little boy.
I lost my first baby and had to wait several years to try to concieve my son. Such a wanted, beautiful pregnancy.

I weighed just over 90kg when I got pregnant, stayed at that weight until the third trimester and then suddenly put on 12kg. I had terrible morning sickness, that was then replaced by terrible anaemia.

I loved my bump. I felt powerful. I felt…beautiful. I felt like a woman.

My baby was born all of a sudden, there was no time to assimilate what was happening. He weighed over 4kg and I had a large placenta (that was commented on by the midwives!) and I seemed to have a huge amount of water.

Immediately post-birth, I felt fantastically slim, slimmer than I had been for years. And I haven’t really put any weight back on since then.
Then the baby blues kicked in and unfortunately haven’t really gone.

I am now thinner than I have been since I was 18.
And yet when I look in the mirror, this is what I see.
Someone told me to regard them as battlescars.
But I feel like a tiger. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Embarassed. Saggy. Enormous. Ugly, Unsexy. Unworthy.
I still have to buy size 18 (UK) shirts because of my boobs…and don’t even get me started on my boobs. That is for another day.

080409-soph-1

Unplanned, But Not a Mistake (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I was 15 years old, the “boy” I thought I was in Love with, had just broke up with me. I decided to get back at him by sleeping with one of his friends. It was just suppose to be a one time thing just to make my ex, the guy i thought was the love of my life, mad. Well a month later, no period. I took a pregnancy test and it said positive. I was just in complete shock. The guy that was just suppose to be a one time thing, just became the father of my child. At first I kept saying I was going to get an abortion, b/c the father was black and I am white. I didn’t want to deal with all the looks and shame people were going to give me, and because the changes that my body would go through. Then I thought I don’t even believe in abortions, and who cares if i get big? After about a month into the pregnancy, I went in to have my first ultrasound. As soon as I saw MY baby on that screen, I FELL IN LOVE!! I decided I was going to keep the baby. I knew having a baby at 15 was going to be extremely diffucult. But I was willing to accept the consequences. On January 2, 2008 I gave birth to a perfect 6 pounds 4 ounces baby girl! She’s 18 months old now and i’m 17, people do stare at me sometimes, and I get rude remarks, but it doesn’t bother me. All that matters is what I think. My friends ditched me b/c I couldn’t just drop what I was doing anymore to hang out with them. A irresponsible act gave me the greatest gift ever. I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything in this world! I truelly have found the love of my life.
I love my body, and call my stretch marks, Beauty marks. I look at my body in the mirror from time to time and think, I brought a beautiful baby into this world, and I would go through all the changes again, in a heartbeat.

1st pic-18 months post partum
2nd pic-me and my baby girl

Struggling for Acceptance (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 22 Comments

I’m 24 years old and I’m a mother to a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 10 month old son. I got pregnant when I was 21 though it really wasn’t in my plans at that time. I was not married when I found out, but my BF and I did what we thought was right and married when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I started out my pregnancy at 130 lbs. It was the most I had weighed yet in my life. I always thought I was heavier than I should be for 5’3 and since I was 12 years old I have been dieting. Never able to succeed at weight loss I found myself turning to drastic measures. I toyed with bulimia, anorexia and stimulant drugs to try and lose weight. The lowest I ever was able to get was 114. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was terrified of gaining a lot of weight. I have two older sisters that became obese after pregnancy and both have turned to Gastric Bypass now. I was terrified and I found the website www.babyfit.com. This website taught me so much about healthy and natural weight loss and weight management during pregnancy. I started to exercise faithfully for the first time in my life and watched what I ate. I exercised up until the day I gave birth and only gained 17 lbs. 2 weeks PP I was 7 lbs lighter than I had began pregnancy and by 6 months PP I weighed in at 98 lbs. I did nothing except eat healthy and breastfeed. I was on cloud nine with what I was able to achieve with my body, yet I still didn’t feel good about myself. When I got pregnant with my son my body was starving. I felt like my hunger was uncontrollable and I went on a 3 month binge at the beginning of my pregnancy. I gained 12 lbs in the first 3 months. Very depressed and struggling terribly with the weight gain there were times that I wished for a miscarriage. My bulimia came back 10 fold and I’m lucky to have birthed a healthy baby boy. Though I am back down to 104 lbs, I’m still miserable inside my body. My quest for self-confidence seems never ending and I know it’s because happiness comes from within. I don’t think it will ever matter what the scale says unless I can find a happiness within I will never be content. I’m grateful for this website. It helps me to appreciate what I have.

First Picture: 14 weeks pregnant with first child
Second Picture: 4 Weeks Pregnant with 2nd child
Third Picture: 36 weeks pregnant with 2nd child
Fourth Picture: 10.5 month PP with 2nd child

Not Giving Up and Acceptance (Alex)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Hispanic, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

Name: Alex
Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2 Births: 2
DD1: 3 yrs old
DD2: 1 yr old

I’m so glad I found this website. I have been looking for a site like this for a little while now because I want to know more about other real women out there and their experiences (not celebrities-they don’t count and real) and to talk about my own experience. I want to know what other real women experience. Most of the time I feel like “I’m the only one” and I know I am not.

I had my first daughter at age 27. My husband and I planned the pregnancy. Overall I really wanted to have a baby mostly because I just love my husband so much and I want not just have any baby but HIS baby. I feel so proud and blessed to have him in my life. We were so excited when we had her. I remember it was 8 am when we started heading to the hospital to have her. We just keep looking at each other with excitement like “it’s finally happening” lol. Prior to being pregnant I felt beautiful and sexy. I didn’t have a perfect body by any means but I sure felt good about myself. I wore beautiful clothes, sexy lingerie and I just felt GOOD, you know? That all changed the day I had my daughter. It was amazing how I went from feeling like one of the most beautiful women to feeling like I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror, that bad! I also feel like I have aged 10-12 years in a matter of 3 years. How can this be so? I feel old. I feel all my youth and beauty has left me. I hate taking pictures and I’m embarrassed when I see people that I haven’t seen in a long time because I figure they must be thinking “wow, she’s so fat now”. Pre-baby I weighed around 125 lbs on average and I’m 5’4 so not bad. I’m hispanic so it comes with the territory of being a little thicker and that’s ok. I want to look like I did just 3 years ago. Even when I was 5 months pregnant in my 1st pregnancy I looked like a baby. I look at the pictures and it’s amazing. I was 27 at the time and looked more like I was 18. Now I’m 30 and I feel like I look 40. During the 1st pregnancy I gained 41 lbs. At my highest I was 171 lbs. When I left the hospital I had only lost 1 lbs! Huh? 1 lbs after having a baby how is this even possible? It took about 6-7 months before I started loosing some weight. In total I lost about 25 lbs of the 41 that I gained but I was starting to look alright. I thought ok this is going well, next thing you know I was pregnant again with DD2.

So needless to say DD2 was not planned. I was so disappointed because I thought, great, now I’m going to gain more weight on top of what I already have! So with DD2 I reached 181 lbs. She will be 1 yr old next month and today I weigh 163 lbs. It’s a constant Struggle. Most of all I hate the feeling of not being happy with myself because overall I think it affects my daughters and one day I will regret not taking pictures with them because I feel fat and ugly. They deserve better but how do I get over this feeling? Everyday I try my best to eat healthier, low calorie, low fat in an attempt to get back to the old me and I wonder at what point will I finally be satisfied and be happy with myself?

Recently I ran into a former co-worker who has a 7 month old son. She is a thick woman, by no means fat or overweight but a little thicker and rounder I’d say. So when I saw her, I thought wow! Now how come she looks like she is back to her regular weight? She looked great and here I am with a belly still popping out a year later. Not only that but my lower abs are a little saggy, stretch marks on my waist etc…I work in the Fashion Industry and I would say most women in this industry don’t have kids and the ones that do come back to work looking like they’d never been pregnant to begin with, makes me look like there’s something wrong with me. And I get these thoughts that maybe my husband is embarrassed too when we go out. He’s the type that loves me to dress up, get my hair done, nails, the whole bit. But when nothing fits what’s the point. I still need to have that husband that is attracted to me. Feels like I’m letting him down. Don’t get me wrong he’s a sweet heart but maybe I’m not meeting his expectations.

So I’m gonna brave this out and post some pictures because after all this site is about sharing and I want to be one more ‘real woman’.

Time Machines Don’t Exist, Unfortunately (Mir)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

I posted a belly photo of myself in February along with my thoughts and totally forgot to go look at it again until last night.

I want to post another couple of photos now, six months on showing my belly again. What has changed in six months? The most dramatic/helpful change is that I went back to work–which improved my level of sanity and just made me feel better about myself overall. Now, my son gets more quality time with me even if it’s not quantity. Before he was spending so much time with me but neither of us were happy with that. The set-up is much better now.

I’m not really sure how much weight I’ve lost–probably about 15-20 pounds (I’m about 175 pounds now)–haven’t exercised at all–just walk everywhere I go. I still need to lose another 30-40 pounds to be down to a good/pre-pregnancy weight. Even if I don’t lose that amount of weight, I’ve dropped about 4-5 pants sizes so that’s nothing to complain about. My boobs are still saggy but I’ve gone from a D-cup down to a C-ish cup which is nice–maybe someday I’ll see a B cup again but by then my boobs will be even more raisin-like probably. My belly is still stretched out beyond compare (nothing to do with fat–just the lose skin that’s hangin’ around there).

Um…I’m sorta neutral right now on the body-image thing. I probably still feel pretty sad and hurt over the whole thing but I try not to think about it because it just makes me feel like shit, honestly. Have decided that I’m not having any more children and have made peace with that as well in the past six months. I’m going to just keep doing a damn good job raising one and it’s gonna be awesome (probably). Thanks for all who commented before and for this encouraging site!

~Your Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth (more than enough!)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, age almost 20 months, 20 months post-partum

Updated here.