25 years old
I’m not pregnant, yet, nor have I ever been pregnant. I figured this would be the perfect place to come for support with infertility. My partner and I have been trying to conceive going on 2 yrs. I’m hoping that there are mothers here on The Shape of a Mother that have been through the same thing my partner and I are going through right now. Like most women, that’s one thing I look forward to is motherhood and starting a family. I am a little, or uh maybe a lot afraid that we may never have children, thinking about it gets me all teary eyed. My best friend has two children and truth be known seeing her with them, makes me just want to breakdown. While I’m so very happy for her, it’s still something I’m very sensitive and slightly jealous of I really hate saying that but it’s the truth. Hearing her talking about having more kids and looking at baby clothes when we go shopping together makes me want to curl up in a little ball and weep. I went to the gynecologist recently to talk about infertility and he put me on birth control for 3 months to try to get me ovulating regularly, I have monthly periods but my cycle is irregular. Has anyone out there had any luck with the birth control method? I also have a ultrasound scheduled in Jan, which I’m really freaking out about, they’ll be checking for PCOS. I’m hoping and praying I do not have that, but there is a chance that I might because of some symptoms. The only problem I do not have that most ppl I know with PCOS have is being overweight. I lost 70 pounds when I was 18 and I have been up and down for years, but I have stuck around 150 the last couple years. I’m really insecure about my body, because the stretch marks I have from losing weight and I joke I look like I’ve had children but I havent. I’m hoping the ultrasound can help to narrow down what it is that’s keeping us from conceiving, whether it be PCOS or nothing. so we can hopefully start our little family soon. I’m definitely trying to stay hopeful but I know in the end I’ll be devastated if I find out we cannot have children.
Author: Bonnie (SOAM)
My Mother Body (Lisa)
During a recent discussion among a group of women friends in which a few of us were taking pot-shots at ourselves about our post-baby bodies, one friend in the group passed along a link to this website. I spent some time reading submissions posted to the site and looking at photographs, and it all just brought me to tears. First, because I think the women shown are beautiful – in body and spirit. And secondly, because it makes me feel sad that I have such a poor self-image.
I am 42 years old. I have given birth to and nursed six children. I am, in fact, still nursing my sixth child, who is almost 18 months old. In addition to the baby, I have a 3-year old, 5-year old twins, a 7-year old, and a 13-year old.
At 5 feet, 5 inches tall and 128 pounds, I am not overweight. I am actually within the healthy weight for my height and build. And yet, it’s the heaviest non-pregnant I’ve ever been in my life. I sometimes look at photos of myself from 10 and 15 years ago and pine for what I used to look like: thin, lean and angular, flat of stomach. It’s so true, that old saying, that youth is wasted on the young. I surely didn’t appreciate the body I had then. I didn’t even recognize that it was anything anyone might be envious of. It certainly never occurred to me that one day, several years into the future, I would look back at my younger, leaner self, and wish I still looked that way.
The truth is, though, that I spent a good part of my younger life being underweight. It wasn’t anything I aspired to or put work into – it’s just the way my body wanted to be. I’m probably at a healthier weight now than I was when I was 25.
But now, time and five pregnancies have changed this body forever. There are bulges and rolls where there used to be flat valleys. Certain areas are beginning to head a little southward. I have a pot belly covered with baggy skin from having been stretched out so far, so many times. My abdominal muscles are like pudding and just can’t hold it all in anymore.
When I glimpse myself in the mirror, unclothed, I quickly look away. I hide in the bathroom to get dressed or undressed; even my husband doesn’t get to see me in the light of day anymore. I feel embarrassed about my body, and mildly contemptuous of it. Sometimes I wear a Spanx under my clothes to smooth the bulges. Sometimes I fantasize about having plastic surgery – a little liposuction here, a little tuck there, a little lift here.
Why do I do this to myself? If it were a friend saying all these exact things to me, I would say to her, “You’re beautiful. Look at all the amazing things your body has done. I am in awe of you.” But I know that I am not alone in these feelings. So many of my friends also have poor feelings about their mother-bodies. We lament and make jokes about the stretch marks and saggy boobs and flabby bellies. Why can’t we embrace who and what we’ve become? Why don’t we see the beauty in ourselves, in those very marks of motherhood, in what our bodies have accomplished? Why do we feel embarrassed and ashamed?
I have long been of the opinion that pregnant women are truly beautiful. Personally, I have never felt more beautiful, more complete, than when I have been pregnant. The rounder and fuller I grew, the more fulfilled and happy in my own skin I felt. I loved wearing form-fitting clothes when I was pregnant. I was not afraid to bare my belly, and even sat for a revealing photo shoot when I was about six months pregnant with my twins. I treasure those photos, and I love the way I look in them, round and ripe.
I still remember after my first baby was born, taking a shower for the first time after giving birth, and being a little horrified at the shriveled, wrinkled little mound my belly had suddenly become. And I think ever since then I’ve been struggling with my body self-image – trying to make peace with what my body has become, and mostly failing. How can I love the body that is accomplishing something magical, and hate the body that is left in the wake of the magic?
My husband has told me that to him, a woman isn’t really a woman until she becomes a mother. And even as I cringe and shy away when he puts his hand on my belly, he tells me that I’m beautiful. Why can’t I see myself through his eyes?
Where does this notion come from, that youth and physical perfection are goals worthy of self-torment? Why do we mothers believe that firmer and harder is better, more beautiful? Can you imagine if we instilled in our children that physical perfection, that holding onto youth, rather than being healthy and happy, are what they should strive for? Wow, that’s something to think about, isn’t it? Kind of makes you wonder at what point in our lives our priorities change so drastically. I know that it would break my heart to see my daughters develop this sense of self-loathing someday. I want them to believe in their beauty at every age and stage of womanhood.
I am 42 years old and my body isn’t what it used to be. But it’s done some amazing things, and I would like to learn to take pride in that – in the physical evidence of what this body has accomplished. That is going to be my new year’s resolution: to learn to love myself.
Worth it – Update (Regina)
Previous entries here and here.
I have posted here several times now. This website keeps me going. Reminds me that there is nothing wrong with my body. There is something wrong with other’s expectations of me.
I am beautiful. I am strong. I am 21 and I have carried 2 babies 8 days overdue each. I have breastfed. i have fought the internal war when I had to give that up. I can balance a toddler on one hip with a baby in a sling and still go grocery shopping. I am a mother. I am an amazing mother. I don’t do everything right. Most of the time I don’t think I do anything right. But I am.And I do. I have birthed with pain meds. I have birthed naturally.
I will never have the body I had before I had my children. I DON’T WANT IT! It was beautiful, YES. It was flawless and unmarked. It was unappreciated and hated. And weak. Let it die now. I didn’t have a body I wanted. So I was given a new one by motherhood. It is not disgusting or flawed. It is new and full of life. It is strong. It can handle pain and heartache. It can handle a kick to the gut by a 3 year old and it can handle infection upon infection caused by improper breastfeeding.
My new body is bigger. It has more fat and skin. It has bigger breasts and a bigger butt. Thighs that refuse to tone. And stretch marks.
Let me tell you something about stretch marks. There is nothing about my body I love more. I can not explain it. These scars that cause women so much heartache are the greatest joy of my body. They are beautiful. They were given to me when my daughter’s grew within me. Each time adding more than I even thought possible. Like laugh lines that mark happiness and sun “damage” that shows a youth spent at the beach, my stretch marks show that I too have carried and birthed babies. No one has to like them or notice or appreciate them like i do. I never want them to go away.
My story:
I became pregnant with my first daughter when I was 16 years old. I am 5’6″ and I weighed 158 pounds and wore a size 11 in juniors. By 32 weeks, the week I was married to the father, I had gained 15 pounds. By the time I delivered 8 days overdue on January 9, 2006 I had gained 47 pounds, topping out at 205. I lost 20 in delivery. Leaving me at 185 pounds. And then lost NOTHING. During the 2nd year of my daughter’s life I worked my day down to 173 pounds. But then it worked it’s way back up again and when I found out I was pregnant with my second child on January 24, 2008 when I was 19 years old, I weighed 186 pounds and wore a size 15-17 in Juniors. Through out the pregnancy I gained 18 pounds and birthed my daughter 100% natural 8 days overdue on October 5, 2008. I lost the entire 18 pounds in delivery. When my second daughter was 7 months old I left my husband. Suddenly I had so much free time. There were whole days when I didn’t have the girls. I also only had my self and my children to pick up after. So I started to take care of myself again. I started working out every day, sadly I reverted back to my highschool ways and ate only 300 calories a day. But in only a few months I was down to 158 pounds. My PRE-MOTHERHOOD weight!!! I met another man and we started dating. He is a personal trainer and was not very happy about my eating habits or lack there of. So I started eating again. I have gained pretty much all the weight back. I weight 180 pounds right now. But I wear a size 13 in juniors and my body is not too bad looking. I know that I just don’t have the will power to bring my weight down the healthy way. Which is the only way to keep it down. So I might as well make the best with what I do have. So my goal is to have a sexy, voluptuous, curvy body. Instead of shooting for skinny. Which seems so unattainable to me, i just want the body I have to look the best it can.
*Picture 1: 9 months pregnant with #1
*Picture 2: 24 months post partum from #1
*Picture 3: 9 months pregnant with #2
*picture 4: 10 months post partum #2 158 pounds
*picture 5: 14 months post partum #2 180 pounds
*picture 6 & 7: The most beautiful gift ever received
~Age: 21 years old
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years and 14 months
Belly still swollen 4 and a half months postpartum (Jill)
Age 34
Hi. My name is Jill and I am so glad I found this website. I gave birth July 24th to a 9 lb. 22 inch healthy baby boy via c-section. It was so hard that I am totally afraid to have another. I probably wont because of my age and because Im terrified to go through it again. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child and would never give him up… infact, I am slowly forgetting the pain. I am and has always been an exercise freak. I exercise about 5 times a week both cardio and weightlifting. As you can see in my pics though, my belly looks just the same as it did when I was about 5 months Prego. I did learn through this site about the problem that occurs when your stomach muscles separate and your belly pushes through. I really think I have this because I have lost all but 4 pounds of my weight but my belly is still like this… Yuck I hate it and am so self conscious over my body. I used to surf a lot and wear bathing suits at the beach but since then, I use a romper over my suit and never go in the water if there are more than 2 people at the beach, which includes myself and my baby! Has anyone gone through what I am and slowly lost their stomach? Will mine ever go flat? I have very minimal stretch marks considering how large my belly got. Please someone help…. I consider myself depressed…..
After 2 kids and 2 c-sections (Milia)
Age: 28
Pregnancy/live birth: 2 (both c-section)
How far long postpartum: 3 and half months
Age of kid(s) = 15 months; 3 and a half months
Weight gain during pregnancy: 35 lbs; 40 lbs
First, I would like to mention this site has helped me tremendously when I was at my lowest point. My first son was born via emergency c-section due to fetal distress. I remember the c-section recovery was easy and did not have much pain at all. Most likely I was in shocked to really know what was going on and the adrenaline spike has masked all the pain that people was always talking about when it comes to c-section recovery.
When my first son was barely 4 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. It was not planned and I was scared. I was scared what it would do to my body. 9 months later, my second son was born..again another c-section. This time it was a scheduled c-section. So I have back to back pregnancy, with back to back c-section in less than 22 months.
The first time around, I snapped back into shape very fast without doing anything different. Second time around, I wasn’t so lucky. I was depressed for many weeks following the birth, blaming my husband for everything. I cried for days..day and night and was unable to look at myself into the mirror. My husband thought I am still beautiful but I could not care less of what he said.. WHat matters is what I think.. I desperately want to feel beautiful again, I want all the loose skin, flabby belly to be gone.. I want to look good again. ANd all I was feeling was fat, unattractive monster that I truly believe I have become.
Before I was pregnant with my first son, I was 108 lbs at 5’4. And now, I am 122 lbs. I have beautiful body before, but I have never really appreciated it. I always thought I was fat and now only I wish I can go back in time and change what I thought of me. But I love my kids more than anything, but still deep down inside, I wish I can feel as beautiful as they both appear to me.
Here are my pics at 3 and half months post partum.
Helping out Mamas in Need
It is humbling to me to step outside of my own brain for a little while and see women who suffer in much more basic and devastating ways than I do. Mothers in Haiti right now are likely not very concerned about what their bellies look like or if they should save for a tummy tuck or not – they are trying to find places to live, clean water to drink, medical care for themselves or their families.
I believe we need to allow ourselves to be frustrated with the way our bodies look – to accept our feelings helps us work through them. But we should always be aware of the bigger picture – only the fact that we are well fed and clothed and have safe housing means we can look toward more superficial worries. We should take note of our blessings. And we should reach out and try to bless others.
Nature takes no notice when events like this occur – she sends mamas into labor with or without a trained birth partner nearby, she brings babies into this world without regard to clean drinking water for formula, or support for breastfeeding. I spent some time searching for and asking around about a charity we can give to to help out mothers like us dealing with the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti and I came across Midwives for Haiti, which could not be a more perfect match. You can read more about them here and donate here.
According to their website:
$25 pays for the medications and equipment needed to perform a safe delivery in rural Haiti.
$50 pays for the prenatal care of two Haitian women or provides emergency transportation in a medical crisis.
$75 pays for the books and scrubs for one new midwifery student.
$100 pays for the scissors, clamps and needleholder for one midwife’s delivery kit.
$120 pays for a translator for one week.
Take a moment and donate anything you can, then share here that you did. I hope we can make a difference together in this terrible time.
Update (Bryana)
This is my other post.
The last time I posted, I was only 2 ½ months post partum. I had already lost all of my pregnancy weight, and was happy about that. Since my last post, I have continued to lose weight. I weigh less now than I did when I was 11 years old. No one has been able to find out why I continue to lose weight. I love food; I am always in the fridge or the cupboard looking for food. I am addicted to salty foods, especially chips, they are a part of my daily diet. But despite my bad eating habits I continue to lose weight. I am sure many women would be envious, but it’s almost scary. Will I continue to lose weight? What happens when too much is just too much?
Before I got pregnant with my daughter I weighed about 120lbs. I am only 5 feet tall, so 120lbs isn’t too bad. But since having my daughter, almost 6 months ago, I am down to 105lbs. I am 15lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight!! Sure, it is nice not to worry about what I am eating all the time, but I want it to stop. Unfortunately I was not blessed with very elastic skin. It does not bounce back… AT ALL! It is becoming more and saggier with each pound that comes off, and I wish it would just stop. My body looks as though it has deflated. Don’t get me wrong, I love my body for what it did: It gave me 2 beautiful and amazing children. I don’t even care about the stretch marks or saggy skin… I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. My husband loves my body, with or without the imperfections, it’s just me… I need to love my body again!
I took these pictures today. They are all of me 5 ½ months post partum, except the last 2, they are my son who just turned 4 on Dec 12, and my daughter who will be 6 months on Dec 23.
New Mommy to 10 day old twins!!!! (Katie)
I started reading this website when I first started getting stretch marks about 30 weeks into my pregnancy with my boy/girl twin pregnancy. I felt AWFUL about them. It consumed me so much I couldn’t even be excited about the pregnancy because every morning I woke up with more and more lines across my belly. I spent hour researching ways to get rid of them.
The day I gave birth to my babies changed my life forever. The second I saw that first little screaming face being lifted over the c section curtain I forgot about every stress in the world. My two little ones are my life now. My body will be scarred forever because of this pregnancy, but I would take any amount of body scarring to equal them being here and healthy. It’s not about me now, or having a good body. It’s about being healthy so that I can give nutrition to my babies and live a long life to always be there for them.
I attached some pictures of my belly at 10 days postpartum. I am still hoping the stretch marks fade – not gonna lie! But if they don’t it really doesn’t make a difference to me. My body is beautiful for the sole reason that it produced and nurishes the most beautiful and perfect babies in the world.
I hope that if anyone reads this while pregnant and stressed about your body changing to know that it’s all worth it. And you will know that the day your little one(s) come!
Also — I have lost a lot of the weight already due to breastfeeding (I gained 45lbs!! Down 35 so far). I would highly recommend it. Not only does your body go back to normal quicker (it burns cals and shrinks your uterus), but it’s so great nutritionally and for bonding.
There is also a pic of my little baby boy and my little baby girl! They were born at 34 wks 5 dys and he was 5’8lbs and she was 4’8lbs. Probably going to be leaving the NICU and going home with me before Xmas!!!! I love them so much I can’t wait!
~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10 days post partum
30 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)
Had my first child 30 months ago. My plan was to stay in great shape during my pregnancy and then work out after to get my body back to what it was. Well, single mom and working full time leaves very little extra of anything to accomplish this goal. But now priorities are very different. I am proud of what I can get done each day. I am grateful for my health, to include my saggy boobs that I have EARNED!
2 Children 13 months apart (Desiree)
Age: 20
2 pregnancies, 2 C- sections
Cesarean birth
14 month old daughter
17 day old son
I had my first child, a girl on 10- 17- 2008. It was a long labor, and after pushing for 2 hours and high blood pressure, with a fever of 103 they took me into the OR for an emergency C section. Where I lost more then half my bodies volumn in blood. My Dr said I was lucky, and she had no idea why that happened. After I noticed what that C section did to my body. And it hurt to look in the mirror.. but I also gained 50 lbs with that pregnancy. Stretch marks everywhere, and now an ugly scar, and saggy belly pouch. 160 lbs, I would give anything to be 115 lbs again, well thats how I felt then.
Over the next couple months I came to terms with my new body, and I was fine walking around my house shirtless. (I was breastfeeding)
But getting pregnant just 4 months post partum really killed me. I didnt lose much weight. And I came into the next pregnancy at 157 lbs. I gaiend 20 lbs with my son, born 11-29-09.
Now at 17 days post partum, I notice my belly pouch is a little bigger then it once was. I have no new stretch marks, but still have the old. I really hate my body. It makes me a little sad. But Im ok with it. I have two beautiful children who I would gladly give anything for, even my once beautiful body. But I have lost all of the weight I gained with my son. I still ahve over 40 lbs to lose, and Im kind of terrified I will never see myself as beautiful again.
