Update

Proud Mother of Four (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 6 Comments

Growing up I was always the “skinny pretty” girl and was this without having to try. I ate what I wanted and never exercised a day in my life! Although I was involved in extra curricular activities, none of those were sports!

I became pregnant at 17 and had my first son at 18. He was 8lbs so I wondered what the rest of the 58lbs was from! I went up to 188lbs! After having my son, I became obsessed with him. I didnt leave the house for months and didnt care much about my appearance. My life was there in this newborn baby. I was in a awful relationship which did nothing for my self esteem. I began college driving 1 hour to and from it 5 days a week and with my son only being 3mths old, I had no time to myself. I was about 160lb during this time. This is when I heard the comments that never in my life I had heard. “Youre kinda chubby, huh?” “Your butt is big!” or “OMG, you gordita (chubby).” It was worse when my 2 y/o cousin became frightened and said “Someone scratched you!” as she stared at my stretch marks, when my shirt when up.

After 2 yrs, I left the relationship and dropped down to about 145lbs. I then began to date my now husband. My weight then fluctuated about 20lbs here and there. 10mth later, I became pregnant. So my starting weight was about 166 and my ending pregnancy weight was 208!! Im 5’2′ so this was just horrible! I then became stuck at about 180 for a while. About 2 years later and 3 months after marrying my wonderful husband, Iwas now weighing about 160, we adopted a newborn girl. 6mths later I found out I was expecting. So I had my 6y/o, 1 y/o, 6mth old and now preggo!

My starting weight was about 170 and ending weight was 216!! From all these weight gains and losses, my stomach is just mush, my breast (or flaps as I like to call them) are just deflated and my butt is hail damaged. My baby is now going to turn 3 and I said enough is enough. These pictures are 2.5 months into my weight loss. Beginning weight was 192 and I am currently 169. I have lost 4 inches from my hips, 6 inches from my waist and 3 from my chest. Although I know my breast will never be perky and my stretch marks will never disappear, I have just began to feel good about myself. It has ONLY taken me close to 11 years!! I have struggled with confidence all these years. My husband tells me everyday how beautiful I am and believe it or not, my 2 year old saw me uploaded the pics and said with a gasp “you’re pretty mommy” and thats enough to melt my heart and make me feel like a supermodel <3 29 years old 3 pregnancies and 3 births 10 (soon to be 11), 5, 4 and 2 (soon to be 3) [gallery] Updated here.

Unlovely: Round Three (Mir)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 2 Comments

Previous post here.

Age: 29
Pregnancies: 3
Births: 2
Children: 4-years-old & 1-year-old

I last posted here in August 2009. A lot has happened–that’s how it tends to go in life. I lost a lot of weight but the saggy/baggy tummy I had never went away no matter how more fit and thin I got. In the spring of 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. It was awful. For some reason, my sense of self–especially my body concept was really affected by that miscarriage. My husband and my relationship was not going well and I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was beautiful that I got into some things I soon regretted. Thankfully, there is forgiveness and we’ve moved on from that time. But, it still was and is painful. I got pregnant again in the summer of 2010 and my daughter was born in the spring of 2011. It was a much easier pregnancy and birth with a lot less post-partum depression. But, here I am with the same darn saggy/baggy tummy. It doesn’t shatter my world as much as it once did but I really am seriously considering a tummy tuck and breast lift after I’m done breastfeeding my daughter. My husband really wants to have more children but I don’t want to wait to get my body back. So, I am not sure what’s going to happen with that. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so sad about the state of my belly. I’ve been in pilates 3 times a week for the past 6 months and have gotten a lot stronger and healthier but still my stomach shows no difference. Just makes me feel like crying. Sometimes I just feel really unlovely and unlovable. I’m only 29 but my body looks so terrible. I guess I’m just afraid to inherit my mother’s body. She always hated her saggy/baggy tummy–she had a lot more extra weight than I have, though. I don’t want to be old before my time and that’s exactly what my tummy looks like to me.

7 Month Update (Shantel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

7 months post 1 pregnancy age 24.

So I made a post about 3 months ago it can be found here.

It has been tough but I am finally beginning to have hope for my body. My skin is still sagging badly but the abs are coming back together and my tummy is flattening out I am still considering surgery but I am giving it more time. I have been doing a strict diet for the past three weeks and I’ve lost 13 pounds so far I’m at 118 today so only 8 more pounds till I’m at pre pregnancy weight !

The first four pictures are from about a month ago. The rest are from now.

Update (Dee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Original post here.

Age: 18
# of Pregnancies/Births: 1
Age of Child: 17 months

It’s been 1 year since my first post and I’m now 17 months postpartum. My body hasn’t changed drastically in that time, but there has been some progress. My once pink stretch marks on my stomach, butt, and hips are now invisible in photographs and not noticeable unless I stretch my skin to emphasis them. 1 year ago I was at 115 lbs and now have dropped to 105 lbs, which is less than my pre-pregnancy weight. My breasts are the most depressing part of my body. I feel completely flat-chested and embarrassed that I don’t have ANY natural cleavage. They make me so sad and I look forward to getting implants one day when I can afford it. Recently, I’ve become somewhat depressed and I feel like it’s getting worse. My boyfriend and I live separately because we can’t qualify to buy a home yet. In attempt to help our family and because I felt like I needed some independence, I got my very first job. I ended up never getting to see my boyfriend. My daughter wouldn’t adjust to daycare and it was so damn expensive that at the end of the day I hardly made $10. On top of all that, I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy I worked with. It was just a kiss, but I still felt terrible and my boyfriend got it out of me. I quit my job with my head hung low because not only did I not help my family financially AT ALL (I just about broke even after gas, daycare, and clothes/shoes I had to buy for work), I lost my boyfriend’s trust and violated our relationship. I feel like a failure. It makes me feel so horrible when I’m sitting at home with my daughter and I cry. She’ll bring me a tissue to wipe my eyes and give me a hug and kiss. I know that I need to be strong for her, but I feel helpless. Being self-reliant is completely out of reach for me at this point in my life. Now that I’m not working I need to get back into the swing of all the household cleaning and chores that need to get done, but I just haven’t been motivated. With all that being said, my body actually makes me happy most of the time, except for my breasts of course. I’d love to get into modeling, but I’m worried that my tattoos, scars, and lack of height will prevent me from getting anywhere. Every day is a struggle for me right now, but I know I need to keep my head up and tell myself that everything will turn out okay. Thanks for reading.

Photos:
1-3. Postpartum body
4. My little Daisy

Second Baby, 9 Pounds 13 Ounces – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Previous entry here.

I am now 4 months postpartum, after my second child. I was 1 week overdue when I had him and I knew he would be a big boy. I had terrible pelvic symphysis pain with him. I couldn’t roll over in bed and by the time I was 40 weeks along, I stopped doing my regular exercise (walking 1 mile a day). It was just so painful! The day he was born, I was around 158 pounds (two pounds lighter than the day my 7 pound 11 oz daughter was born at 39 weeks). I guessed that he would be born weighing 8 pounds, nearly 9 pounds. On November 1st, 2011, I was scheduled for induction at 41 weeks. I wanted so badly to go into labor on my own (as I was induced with my daughter for high blood pressure). My blood pressure had been excellent throughout this pregnancy, at around 112/60, so I had high hopes. After lots of prayer, I went ahead and scheduled the induction. Thankfully, I went into labor early in the morning on November 1st. At first, I thought it was back pain (which wasn’t unusual), but I quickly realized that it was the real thing. The labor still had to be augmented with Pitocin later down the line, but I got to go into labor on my own! My epidural worked this time around and I was able to actually really enjoy and remember the experience of childbirth. My son, however, was posterior just as my daughter was and he also needed a vacuum to assist the delivery. I could feel his large head in my pelvis as I pushed – a bizarre feeling that I’ll never forget. The doctor was amazing and tried to turn him to an anterior position as I pushed. There was a bit of an issue with shoulder dystocia and meconium. The scariest part was the fact that the cord was wrapped around his neck. It was frightening not to hear him cry for a few minutes after birth. However, he is a very healthy little boy! We are so thankful for him. When the nurse weighed him, she said, “He’s a big boy!” I remember thinking, “Of course he’s big! I was overdue!” Then she turned him toward me and I squinted at the scale! 9 pounds 13 ounces! What?! How could that be? I’m a petite woman and my husband is fairly short at 5 feet 10 inches (his father and brothers are well over 6 feet tall). The doctors checked his blood three times, thinking that perhaps I had unchecked gestational diabetes, but I didn’t! The doctor said, “He’s just a big boy!” Today, he is 4 months old and over 18 pounds. My arms are getting quite a workout, but it must be good for me because I’m already back down to 118-119 pounds. I might be back down to my old weight, but my old body has changed quite a bit. I earned quite a few stretch marks on my tummy that I didn’t have before (I had a lot of extra amniotic fluid, as well as a big baby) which are fading and my tummy is still a little fluffy. At times the stretchmarks bother me, but considering that I carried such a big boy, it could have been much worse. I want to start jogging soon, but I’m going to wait until the weather gets a little nicer. I want to be careful that it doesn’t effect my milk supply as well. Losing weight so quickly makes me nervous about my supply (although I had no issues in the 2 1/2 years I nursed my daughter). My goal is to nurse my son for just as long as I nursed my daughter. Nursing is going great and I’m enjoying the time with my little guy while he’s still little.He’s already sitting up and I get this feeling that time will fly just as quickly, or more quickly, than it has with my five-year-old.

Thanks for reading my update. :)

~Your Age: 27; Currently: 5 foot 2 inches, 119 pounds
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1st child: 5 years, 2nd child: 4 months

1st photo: close-up on stretchmarks at 2 weeks postpartum
2nd photo: goal weight, but not goal shape, 4 months postpartum
3rd photo: 4 months postpartum
4th photo: 40 weeks 2 days pregnant (notice how I’m carrying extra fluid above my belly button)
5th photo: me with my darlings

Learning to Accept My Body (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

I was 21 when I became pregnant with my first son. It took us almost a year to conceive him and I had developed worries that I might be infertile. When we found out we were pregnant I was so relived and a overjoyed we would be able to have children. I had a beautiful happy pregnancy. I also enter pregnancy with a magazine like body and secret body image issues. Since my teens, I never felt skinny enough or pretty enough and always found unhealthy was to keep a thin figure. When my 1st child was born, I struggled with postpartum depression. PPD was hard for me to accept because I loved my baby so much and we had worked so hard to bring him into the world, I was afraid admitting my PPD would be like saying I was ungrateful for my precious gift. Despite lathering up daily in cocobutter and gaining only the recommended 25lbs, I had a belly full of streach marks. My mother literly gasped when I showed her my postpartum belly. I gain weight during the postpartum period going from a size 10 at birth to a 16 at 1 year postpartum. At that time I conceived our second child. My husband knew how sensitive I was about my stretch marks and in an attempt to be kind he encouraged me to use cocobutter each day, but really his acknowledgement of my scaring just made me angry and insecure. I worried through out the pregnancy due to financial problems and frequent contractions from six months. I feared a miscarriage. Thankfully, I carried my 2nd child to term and gave birth to a health baby. I have not suffered depression this time but have suffered from confidence in my body. I long for self acceptance and to feel sexy the way my sweet husband insists that I am. The sagging skin the streach marks have left make it difficult for me to see the beauty I know my body possesses. My old clothes I onced loved now create unflattering bulges in my middle region. I’ve gone from a size 14 at birth to a size 10. I feel better about my body, but I want to feel good about myself regardless of what my body looks like. I want to accept my self and feel what I know: that a woman is beautiful because she is a WOMAN, a creator and nurturer of life. I hope that posting this will help me in my quest.

25yrs old
2 children, infant & 2yr old, 8 months PP, nursing

Updated here.

Taking One Day at a Time (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 14 Comments

Previous post here.

AGE:23
POSTPARTUM: 24MONTHS
PREGNANCIES: 1

Taking one day at a time. This has been the only way I have been able to move forward after giving birth to my daughter, who was stillborn, 24 months ago. Since I last submitted to SOAM things have changed. After issues with my husband and a short separation we have been trying to work things out. One thing good did come out of our separation though. I finally returned to college and work realizing that I didn’t want to rely on anyone to “take care” of me. I had been struggling with doing anything since I lost my daughter and our situation gave me the motivation I needed to take a step back into living. Now to my main reason for giving an update, I have officially lost 100+ pounds since I gave birth. I am so proud of myself for being able to accomplish this. No my body isn’t ANYTHING like it was before getting pregnant but I’m learning to accept my new body. The body that grew life inside for 9 months & the body that has gone through such a transformation from gaining and losing all the weight that I have. Losing the weight hasn’t only made me look better but feel better about myself and most of all has showed me that I can accomplish anything if I work hard enough for it.

“I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.” (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 20 Comments

Previous posts:
Missing my baby boy and expecting my second.
5 Weeks PP Second Baby
2.5 Months Postpartum, Second Cesarean in 2.5 Years
6 Months PP Update
15 Months PP Update
I Need Some Help

Age: 25
Pregnancies & Births: 2 pregnancies and 2 cesareans
How far pp: Connor would be 5.5 and Liam is 2.10

You hear it all the time. It is the most popular pregnancy conversation: “Do you want a boy or a girl?”, “I don’t care what I have as long as it’s healthy.”. For some reason this actually bothers me. Do I understand why we as mothers want our children to be healthy? Of course I do! However, children with challenges; whether it be a cleft palate, a heart condition, down syndrome, Marshall Smith syndrome, or cystic fibrosis; are the most perfect children. They are happy, strong, amazing little bundles of joy. It is an honor to bring these miracles into the world. Of course all babies are miracles, but these children are even more so. It is a miracle in itself that they survived pregnancy and birth! Connor may not have been healthy, but he was most certainly perfect! This is what I used to say when I was pregnant with Connor’s brother, Liam…”I don’t care what I have, as long as it’s happy.”. Isn’t this what really matters in life? We all strive for happiness. This is why we find love, get married, have children, pick jobs that we love, want to make good money…it is all to be happy. Most special needs children do not even need to try for this. Look around, now many depressed down syndrome children do you know? They are happy, they are loved, and they are miracles. So, I ask you to do this…the next time someone asks you what you want, tell them, “I don’t care, as long as it’s happy!”…this will make them look at the growing inside of them in a whole different light :)

15 Months to Find That Love (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 3 Comments

This is an update submission, my original post is here.

I feel as though those words cannot be the last thing I say on the matter of my motherly shape. It took me a year to come around to myself and the image if what I ‘should’ look like, to realize, I look how exactly how I am meant look, nothing less and nothing more.
I had this image in my head of a woman who would bounce back and within a year be fit and skinny, no evidence that she had ever given birth.

But after a year, I have realized, why on Earth would I ever want that?

I would be so devastated now if suddenly my stretch marks disappeared and I didn’t have this softer belly, not because I suddenly decided these things were sexy, but because that’s part of my life story. That’s apart of my daughter’s story and I would never want to take that away from her… or me.

A co-worker of mine recently revealed she was pregnant and we were talking about this website. I decided I would reread my post and what I found broke my heart. I was so sad and so unsatisfied with myself. I can feel the hurt, and all I want to do is jump back in time and say to myself “you won’t always feel this way”.

I have no more sadness when it comes to the shape of my body. I eat right and have recently started working out, not to lose weight, but to build strength and stamina. It’s time to respect my body rather than hate the way it looks for something it did, especially when that something it did is truly incredible.

My body made a life. Doesn’t that deserve respect and love? Instead of self-hatred, I have taken to self-love.

These are my new photos. My daughter is 15 months old now and I love my body. It’s the only one I will ever have, so I plan to treat it right.

You can still see the stretch marks, but they are very faded. The tattoos are still ruined, but tattoos can be fixed. My belly is still squishy and loose, but it’s a great place for my baby girl to rest her head.

I hope any women reading this who are struggling who’ve just had their babies know that time will make things better. Sometimes better isn’t about the physical, but how we perceive it.

Age: 29
Pregnancies/Births: 2/1

A New Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 2, Births: 1
11 weeks postpartum

I’ve tried writing this entry almost ten times. Some stating how much I admire my body now, some stating how much I hate it. Instead, I’m just going to be honest.

I’d love to tell you that I adore my body despite it’s changes, but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I finally found appreciation for my body. Not only for it’s physical appearance but for the strength it had to grow my child and bring him to me on it’s own. You see, I come from a history of still born babies, miscarriages and incompetent cervix. When I found out I was pregnant, I was the most scared I have ever been for what journey I may have to take, what loss I may have to make. I struggle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and had my fallopian tube erupt when I was only 16 years old. I never thought I would get pregnant, and was encouraged by my doctor to try before my chances lessened. I was newly single when I discovered I was pregnant. I had just ended a 2 year engagement with the love of my life and was going through a difficult struggle with depression, one that led me to lose a good amount of weight before finding out I was carrying another life inside me. One of the biggest struggles in my relationship was building a future and the fact that my fiance just wasn’t ready to let go of his youth. We started working on our relationship again despite his fear of becoming a father and didn’t up up getting back together fully until 2 months before the arrival of our son. I ended up a week overdue and went into labour on my own. I had a natural delivery and birthed a healthy, 7 pound little boy. All my fears dissapeared, and new ones emerged. My son was in my arms and he was okay, he was perfect.

From the second my boyfriend laid eyes on our son, I saw the change in him. I saw every path in our future together change. Now, with a relationship stronger than it’s ever been and a beautiful son who makes every breath worth taking, I still can’t help but stop and stare in sadness at the stretch marks and sag my skin has taken on. I’m not going to say that this struggle with my body is a new one, I’ve always been far too hard on my physical appearance, but I always had found confidence when it was necessary. I have a wonderful man who tells me everyday that I don’t look like I had a baby and look the exact same to him as before I had our son, but his effort just pushes me away more when it should pull me closer, and I feel guilt when he has to see me with my clothes off. Guily for not being the beautiful, sexy woman he once admired so much. I love him but to me the idea of him seeing me the same way as before our son seems very unrealistic, since the person I see in the mirrornow looks very different from the one I used to know. I know it’s going to take time to love my body again but I think I need day by day to get to know this new me, the way I look now.

At the end of the day, I always find myself able to shake my head and step away from the mirror. Every difference my body shows is the doing of bringing my son into this world, something I never thought possible for me, something many of those I love have not been able to accomplish. I hope one day I can love the physical changes of my body the same way I love the ability it had to bring my son to me. Until then, I’ll just continue being forever thankful to it, and realising that thousands of women out there would give more than the stretch marks we think are so terrible, just to have a baby they aren’t capable of having.

My first photo attached was 3 months before the conception of my son. Second photo is my belly at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went into labour the next night at 41 weeks pregnant and had him at 3:58am the next morning. Third and forth photos are of my body now, 11 weeks postpartum.

Updated here.