7 1/2 months postpartum
I found out i was pregnant on Aug. 5th 2009. I was 20 years old and my husband and I couldnt be anymore excited. Most of my life i had mange to stay skinny even though it was very much a struggle for me. Im 5′ 1″ and my average weight was always around 115 my lowest being around 102. After getting married i did get a little lazy and put on a lot of weight going up to 180. I began to work out and got down to 150 when i found out that I was pregnant. It was much a surprise since my husband and I hadnt used protection for about 2 years and were getting worried about not being able to conceive. On October 20th we found out that we were having a baby girl. At first i didnt gain too much weight or get very many stretchmarks but then at about 33 weeks I blew up and was coverd in strechies.
Friends and Family couldnt stop talking about how much weight i had gained. They would go on and on about how big of a baby I was going to have and how there was no way I would lose the weight after. I was even told by someone that I was just going to be fat and ugly afterwards and I should just get over ever being skinny and pretty. By the time I hit 38weeks I had gained a total of about 88lbs. My mom supported me through it all though and kept me confident that even though I did gain too much weight, that she knew how I’ve always been able to stay thin and that I would lose weight this time too.
As my due date approached I became overwhelmingly excited. I was so ready to have this little girl home with me. On Saturday March 27th 2010 My doctor sent me to the hospital to get monitored because my blood presure was a little high and I had been really swollen for quit sometime. He tried everything to find a good enough reason to induce me but he couldnt find one, so I was sent home. My doctor told me though that he would induce me for sure on wednesday. To my suprise on March 29th I went into labor on my own. I was exactly 38 weeks. I went to the hospital and was in lots of pain but so ready to do this and have my Daughter in my arms already, but something was wrong. They couldnt find my Daughters heartbeat.
Within an hour it was confirmed that my daughter had passed away. Her unbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. I felt as if my heart was litteraly ripped out of my chest. I have never nor will I ever feel so much pain. After 15 hrs of Labor I gave birth to my Beautiful Sleeping BabyGirl. She weight 5lbs 3oz. and was 17in. long. Yes, She was so tiny. She had tons of amazing black hair, long eye lashes and the most perfect little lips. She looked just like her daddy. Her funeral was on April 1st.
It was going to be hard enough having to lose so much weight but now I was so depressed I didnt want to get out of bed or even began to think about working out. I hated going anywhere. I always think that people look at me and think she is just fat because I have no child to explain that I was pregnant for 9 months and I did give birth to a baby. but eventually I began to work out again.
I’ve had major issues with my body my whole life. When I was 15 it was to the point that I would go days without eating. Now I couldnt even stand to look at myself. I had stretch marks on the back of my knees, my thighs, my stomach, my back, butt, hips, boobs, arms, just everywhere. I couldnt even attempt to where jeans. Nothing fit me right. I could only where stretch pants or sweats.
I have been working my butt off in the last 5 months. I started to see a difference and was happy. I knew my husband was a little put off by how heavy I am but I didnt think he had a major issue with it since he knew I was trying really hard to get it off. Untill recently when I found out he was cheating on me with a itty bitty skinny girl and then had the nerve to compare me to a barley 20 year old girl who has never had a child by saying “well when I seen her naked, I thought, My wife use to look this good but not anymore” If my self esteem wasnt already shattered it is now. Anyways I am currently seperated and proud to say that I have lost 65lbs so far. I weight 175lbs. and I’m not stoppin anytime soon. I excersie everyday and eat healthy. I still feel very disgusted with my body and dont think I will ever be able to be naked infront of a man again but atleast I can wear jeans now and little things like that im greatful for.
First photo: Pre pregnancy 2ndphoto: 7 weeks 3rdphoto: 38weeks 4thphoto: 2day PP 5thphoto: a little over 7mths PP